The Best The Sopranos, Season 4, Episode 9 Quotes

[Tony and Christopher are dragging a dismembered body through the woods]
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You got your whole life in front of you. You want to throw it all away on drugs?

- I can't find Ralph.
- He sticks to himself nowadays.
- There was a fire at the stables.
- They lost some horses.
- Pie-o-my?
- She survived, but...
- Why didn't you tell me? I'm late!
- We did everything we could, but she had to be destroyed.
- She was too badly burned.

- Here's the problem, as I see it, with Ralph getting whacked.
- People could take it the wrong way.
- What are you trying to convey to me?
- Friends of ours...
- Like it could happen to them.
- Without, you know...
- The protection of the boss...
- You're the only other one that knows about it.

Christopher: [on Ralph] That poor fucking guy.
Paulie: Fuck him and his alligator tears.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Please, his kid's in a hospital, a little fucking sympathy!
Paulie: That gives him a pass? I don't care if he's got a hundred kids in the hospital with arrows in their heads, he's a piece of shit! You know it, and I know it.

- Hello.
- It's me.
- I need you to call me back from a pay phone.
- Now?
- You got three minutes.

- You're covered by the sheetrock and plasterers' union, right?
- Here.

- Up! Up! Get the fucking mop.
- Get him draining.
- T, okay, I snorted a little h.
- I was out on my collections and I just wanted to come down so I could sleep.
- See if he's got some visine.
- I'm fucking nauseous.
- My eyes are fucking killing me.

- It just went up?
- The fire marshal says it looks electrical.
- They found pieces of a blown-out light bulb in a stall...
- And the hay was a natural accelerant.
- They'll investigate, but it's a formality, considering the value of the stock.
- No, don't.
- Come on, it's all right.

- But I don't know if I'm ready.
- Don't over-think it.
- Eitherjump in with both feet or don't.
- Leave a message and make sure you leave your phone number.
- With my schedule, I cannot look up phone numbers.
- I'll tell you one thing. You can't be high on scag and have children.

- That party was the only time
- I ever mentioned shamu's fat ass.
- Hello. Verona, green grove retirement home something...
- Just connect me.
- The fuck you doing?
- Yeah, hello?
- I'd like to talk to a Mrs. Gualtieri, she's a resident there.
- One moment, please.

Bobby: [reading from index cards, helping Junior prepare to fake his mental competency to stand trial] first question: what is today's date?
Junior: [before Bobby chuckles] a blonde with big tits and a hat full of Viagra
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: yeah, cute, fuck around: just when that government shrink gets ahold of you, you better know how to fake this
Junior: I could do it in my sleep
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: oh, yeah? What's your name?
Junior: [pretending not to know] my name?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You can't know your name because then they know your fuckin with them
Bobby: listen to this: give the subject a piece of paper, ask them draw a circle, fold the paper in half, and give it back. These demented old bats can't do that
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: maybe you should wipe your ass with the paper, then they'll know you're a whack job?
Junior: [angrily to Tony when Bobby laughs] you think this funny? I'm a source of amusement, I pretend to wipe my ass in front of people
Bobby: [to Junior] nah, take it easy
Junior: I lived my whole life with dignity, now I gotta pretend I'm a fuckin drooling idiot
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: this is just a good clean way out, that's all
Junior: my poor fuckin brother Ercole: how they mocked him

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [referring to Ralph] Who got you those no-show jobs? And not a word of gratitude
Paulie: [sarcastically] e's a saint: You forget the thousand incidents with that guy?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [while showing the envelop of money Ralph gave him, referring to Ralph's son hospitalized after an accident] A kid in the hospital, just take a look on how he fuckin earns
Paulie: [referring to the prank phone call his mother received] I know it was that miserable prick that called ma at the home: they had to put her on Xanax just so she could sleep. She was in the hospital unit for nervous bowl syndrome
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Whatever "happened" there, "that" was fucked up
Paulie: [surprised, irritated by Tony's lack of concern] Fucked up?
Christopher: You don't know it was him
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [gestures to Christopher] Listen to your friend here
Paulie: And I'll promise you something else: on my old man's grave, I get proof it was him, he's a fuckin corpse
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Nobody's killing anybody
Paulie: All due respect, there's a "line in the sand" when it comes to mothers
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You lay a hand on him, and your gonna answer to me: if you can quote the rules, you can fuckin obey them, you hear me?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [when he doesn't respond] Don't just look at me, this is a business: did you hear what I said?

- What's going on?
- Come on.

- I mean, look at that shit with Justin.
- It would fucking ruin your life.
- Those kids on milk cartons.
- Teenage girls, they run away.
- God knows what happens to them.
- Killed, I guess.

- It's frozen.
- Come on.
- And there's Artie with three kids.
- Think he's banging that French broad?
- He fucking wishes.
- Can you hot-wire this thing?

- Okay, let's move on. Who's the president of the United States?
- I'm tired. I wanna go to the bathroom.
- We're almost done.
- Who is the president of the us?
- George Bush.
- And who was the president before George Bush?
- John Kennedy. You know where
- I was when he was shot?
- I was getting a haircut.

- Fuck!
- Motherfuck!

- He was a captain, t.
- He was the biggest earner.
- You gonna lecture me now?
- You fucking drug addict.
- Not me.
- But other people are gonna wonder.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Paulie referring to Ralph] you lay a hand on him and you're going to answer to me, if you can quote the rules you can fucking obey them, do you understand?

- Fooling around with blondie?
- Quit it.
- Look at that guilty look on his face.
- Let him eat.
- Mr. Tough guy, huh? Come on, tough guy. Come on, tough guy.
- Jesus.
- I have calls to make.

- The county does not cover medical procedures deemed caused...
- By criminal sexual activity.
- Section four, paragraph 15.
- We'll need an insurance number.
- Oh, Madonna.
- I have bluecross blueshield, is that all right?
- Ma'am, could you hold on for one second?
- I have the hospital on the other line.

Janice: Svetlana. I've been wanting to talk to you.
Svetlana: I bring nurse, I don't come to see you.
Janice: I should never have taken your prosthesis, but it did bring me to the Lord.
Svetlana: Uch, you are boring woman!

- I only do it once in a while.
- Somebody gave me some when they didn't have any money.
- I'm sorry.
- You got your whole life in front of you.
- Wanna throw it away on drugs?
- Okay.
- One, two, three.

- Holy shit! I had no idea. Did you?
- Of course I did.
- You're so high you wouldn't know if he had your mother's muff on his head.

Dr. Harrison Wong: [to Tony, referring to Junior and the mental state exam] He was disoriented when he came in and scored low on his Folstein but that's consistent with concussion
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [yells] We're gonna sue the God damn Justice Department
Dr. Harrison Wong: CAT scan's negative, so far, so good
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: He didn't seem like himself
Dr. Harrison Wong: Man his age could've been working on dementia for quite a while and the blow to the head tipped him over
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You mean like Alzheimer's?
Dr. Harrison Wong: That's one form of it: that's why we want to keep him here to keep an eye on him. There's a good chance this can go away

- Yeah?
- It's me.
- I called you half a fucking hour ago.
- Adriana put my keys where I couldn't find them.
- Go to the drugstore.
- Get two pairs of surgical gloves...
- Some bleach, come to our friend's house. The contractor.

- He's gonna get the best care there is.
- So, Ralph, there's...
- There's something...
- Look, I don't want you to hear it through the grapevine. Especially now.
- I'm seeing that girl you used to date. That...
- Valentina.

Ralph: [Referring to the joke he made about Ginny's weight] it had to be Paulie that told Johnny
Eugene: You think so?
Ralph: He hates my success. I've been thinking about that birthday dinner, who was there when I told the Ginny Sack joke?
Vito: Not Paulie, I remember Albert say he didn't get a gift
Ralph: It was little Paulie, the witless fuckin nephew, he told Paulie, Paulie tells Johnny fuckin telephone games like fuckin high school girls. Want to play phone games? That party was the only time I mentioned Shamu's fat ass
Ralph: [to the operator over the phone] hello, Green Grove retirement home or something, just connect me
Eugene: The fuck you doing?
Ralph: Hello, I'd like to talk to a Nucci" Gualtieri, she's a resident there
Nucci: [after being woken up] hello?
Ralph: Mrs. Nucci Gualtieri?
Nucci: Yes
Ralph: [Prank calling Paulie's mother] Hi, this is detective Mike Hunt Pennsylvania Police Department you have a son Peter Paul?
Nucci: Oh my God what happened?
Ralph: His alright ma'am but I'm afraid his in a little trouble. We found him in a men's room in Lafayette Park, I don't know how to put this delicately, he was sucking a cub scout's dick
Nucci: What? No, it's a mistake
Ralph: Ma'am, I wish that was all but I'm afraid we had to have emergency surgery performed upon arrival at headquarters after discovering a small rodent in the rectal passage
Nucci: Oh my God
Ralph: A gerbil ma'am. The county does not cover procedures deemed caused by sexual activity section four, paragraph fifteen, we'll need an insurance number

- Kick leaves and shit over it.
- Where did you learn how to drive one of those?
- Grandfather's construction site.
- He let me fuck around when I was just 13.
- He was a good guy.

- All right, this is good.
- Mikey's old man lives here?
- Retired here.
- He's in a va hospital now.
- He's having prostate surgery.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I was just down at the stables. I got some bad news: Pie-o-My, she was in a fire. She's dead
Ralph: Wow, oh Jesus. That's why Lois called me and left four messages on the machine
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Three other horses too
Ralph: Jesus, oh Tone I just made some coffee and eggs
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Sorry about the timing
Ralph: [Referring to his son's accident] oh no, actually I got some good news on Justin. They think it'll just be speech. Poor kid will have to learn how to talk all over again, and years of rehab
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: That's good
Ralph: Walk and use his hands. Life goes on huh? One day at a time
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Lois said the horse was still alive. It was burnt so bad, they had to put it out of its misery
Ralph: I don't even want to think about it
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: At this point, the fire Marshall said it looks "accidental."
Ralph: What sick fuck would do something like that on purpose huh?
Ralph: [while making breakfast eggs] you know I was telling Justin's mother sour cream is the secret ingredient
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Right, what sick fuck?
Ralph: What?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: It's funny about God, fate, and shit like that. The horse gets better and we take out two hundred grand insurance in the race coming up. Suddenly there's a fire
Ralph: What're you saying? You think I had something to do with it?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I didn't
Ralph: Anthony, what're you a horse investigator now? Come on, they said it was an accident, right?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You know what? Maybe I will have some eggs
Ralph: Toast?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Yeah. How's Corky Ianucci? You heard from him lately? You know Sil used him in the restaurant fire: excellent work
Ralph: You know, I don't understand you Anthony. We got lucky. That accidental fire was a bolt from beyond. The horse was no fuckin good with the colic all the time, and the fuckin bills
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: What're you talking about? She bounced back
Ralph: This time, but each time it takes something out of him. It was all downhill from here. Now, I know it's tragic to think this way but you can't argue with the fuckin logic

- It's Justin, he's hurt very bad!
- Jusfin, baby.
- I don't know what to do.
- The boy, he comes to the house.
- Shut up! Shut up!
- All right, nobody move.
- Don't touch him, okay?
- I gotta get help.

- We were right to disappear him.
- You're right.
- For the business.
- Take these out back later and burn them.

- I'm sorry.
- What the fuck happened over there, you think?
- Tragic.
- What the fuck?!
- It's the bowling ball.
- Cellar stairs.
- Go get it. Help weigh him down.

- I don't hear you complaining when I bring you a nice fat envelope.
- You don't give a shit where that comes from.
- Don't give me that look.
- It was a fucking horse!
- What are you, a vegetarian? You eat beef and sausage by the fucking carload.
- Fuck you, you...
- You fat fuck!

Tony: [Beating and strangling Ralph over Pie-O-My's death] She was a beautiful innocent creature, what'd she ever do to you? You fuckin' killed her! You killed her, you fuckin' killed her!

- Florida.
- So high on coke I forgot to call him.
- Then I thought I did.
- Well, you cut back on that shit, right?
- I'm a different man.
- My poor baby.
- My little boy.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Jesus Christ, you did it. You cooked that fuckin' horse alive!
Ralph: No, I did NOT! But so what?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: So what?
Ralph: It was a fucking animal! A hundred grand a piece! My kid's in a fuckin' hospital! I don't hear you complaining though, when I bring you a nice fat envelope, you don't give a shit where that comes from! Don't give me that look! It was a fucking horse! What are you, a vegetarian? You eat beef and sausage by the cartload!

- What, with the fucking questions now?
- When they find him like this...
- And somebody will, there'll be a major fucking investigation.
- And we got enough light shining on shit.
- Junior's trial, all that.
- No body, no murder.
- Can't take him out till after dark, so we'll get him ready here.

Christopher: [grabs hold of Ralph's hair and it comes clean off - it's a wig he's been wearing all along to hide his baldness] Aahh! Holy shit! I had no idea. Did you?
Tony: Course I did. You're so high on scag, you wouldn't know if he had your mother's muff on his head.

- You scumbag!
- Honey, please!
- You bought the bow, you stupid cunt!
- People!
- Don't you talk to her like that!
- Nobody talks to my wife like that.
- Nobody talks to her!
- All right. Knock it off, this is enough!
- We were just fooling around.
- Just fooling around?!
- Knock it off! Stop! Ralph, stop.

- She was a beautiful, innocent creature.
- What'd she ever do to you?
- You fucking killed her.
- You killed her, you fucking killed her.

- I came over...
- He was still moaning.
- He died almost right away.
- Ambulance wouldn't have helped him anyway.
- Paulie was in new paltz all day.
- I know that for a fact.
- Well, good. Good.

- Up! Raise it up!
- What the fuck? Put it up!
- You gotta put it up to move fonnard!
- What are you doing? All right, get out.
- Get out, come on. Get out.
- Get out.
- This is what I'm talking about.
- That shit fucks up your hand-eye coordination.

- What are you doing? Come here!
- Come back here. Come in the house.
- You'll catch cold. Come on.
- I was getting the paper.
- You'll catch cold. Come on.
- I was just getting the newspaper.
- It's your fault. You forgot to get the newspaper this morning.
- I make tea.

- Don't lie to me. You're high.
- I smoked half a joint before you called. I'm fine.
- Look at you. Your nose is running, you fucking junkie.
- You promised me you wouldn't do that shit anymore.
- I didn't.
- Jesus fucking Christ!
- Can you even do this?

Rosalie: [while visiting Ralph's son Justin in the hospital] I didn't know if I should come
Ralph: I'm just happy to see you
Rosalie: How is he?
Ralph: Not as good as yesterday
Rosalie: How are you?
Ralph: I just didn't understand what you were going through, I didn't know anything... I was stupid, I'm sorry, I apologize
Rosalie: It's ok, I mean there's no way to know what it's like until it happens to you
Ralph: You were so strong when Jackie Jr. passed away, I don't know how you did it
Rosalie: [hugs him] Justin's gonna be alright: you'll see, his gonna be fine

Tony: [about Ralph's death] Whoever did this, it should have happened a long time ago.