Top 20 Quotes From Catherine Zeta-Jones

Amelia: This is my problem. I always see men the way I want to see them.

Bailiff: Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
Velma: And then some.
Bailiff: Take a seat.
Assistant: Would you state your name for the record, please?
Velma: Velma Kelly.
Assistant: Ms. Kelly, would you please tell the court if the object that I am holding is the one you happened to come across in the defendant's jail cell?
Velma: Yes, it is.
Assistant: I submit this as Exhibit X - Roxie Hart's diary!
Billy: I object! My client has never held a diary! And even if she did, this would be... invasion of privacy, and violation of the fourth amendment, and... and illegal search without a warrant!
Roxie: Yeah, AND she broke the lock!

Velma: [singing] No I'm no one's wife, but oh, I love my life and all that jazz.

Velma: Come on, babe, we're gonna brush the sky. I betcha Lucky Lindy never flew so high 'cause in the stratosphere how could he lend an ear to all that jazz.

Amelia: I have to go.
Viktor: I have to stay.
Amelia: Story of my life.
Viktor: Me too.

Roxie: Mr. Flynn!
[pretends to faint]
Billy: Someone open this door immediately!
Ms. Sunshine: Oh, my God! Roxie! What is it, dear?
Roxie: Oh! Oh! Oh, no no no. Don't, don't worry about me. Oh, I only hope the fall didn't hurt the baby.
Matron: Baby?
Velma: Shit!

Velma: She'd say, "What's your sister like?" I'd say, "Men."

Amelia: Do I know you from someplace?
Viktor: Sensible heels. Payless Shoes. Second floor.

Amelia: You told me you were delayed, you never said it was for nine months!

Velma: [Rising from the stage alone] 'C'mon Babe, why don't we paint the town... And all that Jazz. I'm gonna rouge my knees and roll my stockings down... And all Jazz. Start the car I know a whoopie spot... where the gin is cold and the piano's hot. It's just a noisy hall, where there's a nightly brawl... And all that Jazz.

Velma: Slick your hair and wear your buckle shoes... And all that jazz. I hear that father dip is gonna blow the blues... And all that jazz. Hold on hun we're gonna bunny hug, I bought some aspirin down at united drug. In case we shake apart and want a brand new start to do that Jazz.

Velma: You wanted my advice, right? Well here it is. Don't forget Billy Flynn's number one client is... Billy Flynn.
Roxie: What's that supposed to mean?
Velma: It means, don't let him hog the spot-light when you're the one they paid to see.

Amelia: I usually read history books. They're long and cheap and usually about men killing each other.

Amelia: I just keep injesting these poisonous men until I make myself sick.
Viktor: You're not sick, Amelia, no. You're a little far-sighted.

Velma: My sister Veronica and I had this double act, and my husband Charlie traveled around with us. Now for the last number in our act we did these 20 acrobatic tricks in a row: one, two, three, four, five, splits, spread-eagles, back-flips, flip-flops, one right after the other. So this one night before the show we're at the hotel Cicero, the three of us boozin, having a few laughs, and we run out of ice, so I run out to get some. I come back, open the door, and there's Veronica and Charlie doing number 17, the spread-eagle. Well, I was in such a state of shock that I completely blacked out; I can't remember a thing. It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands, I even knew they were dead.

Roxie: It'll never work.
Velma: Why not?
Roxie: Because I hate you.
Velma: There's only one business where that's no problem at all.

Velma: I just can't take it anymore. You can't go anywhere without hearing about that dumb tomato!
[Mama sits up with her hair dyed blonde like Roxie's]
Velma: Oh no, Mama, not you, too.

Velma: You know you're really pretty good.
Roxie: Yeah, that and a dime. What are you doing here?
Velma: I heard you been, uh, making the rounds.
Roxie: Yeah, well, if it was up to you I'd be swinging by now.
Velma: Come on, I always knew Billy'd get you off. You should learn how to put things behind you.
Roxie: Oh, thank you. I'll put that at the top of my list. Right after finding a job and an apartment with a john.

Frank: You could have any man you wanted... why Viktor Navorski?
Amelia: That's something a guy like you could never understand.

Billy: Miss Kelly, did you make a deal with Assistant D.A. Harrison to drop all charges against you in exchange for your testimony?
Velma: Why, sure. I'm not a complete idiot.