Top 50 Quotes From John Ratzenberger

[Standing ontop of the Prospector's Box, staring him in the eyes]
Hamm: You heard of Kung Fu? Well get ready for pork chop.

Cliff: You were always there for me, Al.
Phil: I'm Phil. Al's been dead for fourteen years, ya dumb son of a bitch!

School: Oh and one more thing: when you come to this trench, swim through it, not over it.
Dory: Trench. Through it, not over. I'll remember.
[swimming to catch up with Marlin]
Dory: Hey wait up there's something I gotta tell you.
[sees the trench]
Dory: Woah. Nice trench.

Sabrina: So if you're Santa, how come you're not chubby?
Bob: Oh, combination of cardiovascular exercise and a little weight-training. Could be that tapeworm.

Mr. Potato Head: [after spending the night in the daycare sandbox] It was cold and dark, nothing but sand and a couple of Lincoln Logs.
Hamm the Piggy Bank: Eh... I don't think those were Lincoln Logs.

Fly: Hey, waiter, I'm in my soup.

Controller: [unaware that Zod and Company have just wiped out the entire Artemis 2-crew] ... What did Nate say a minute ago? He saw a girl?
Controller: I thought he said "curl."
Controller: What's a curl?
Controller: Isn't that what the old Cape Cannaveral guys called a comet with an east-west trajectory?
Controller: How would I know? I was in high school back then.
Controller: You look old for your age... Well, it looks like your run-of-the-mill, high-frequency electrical interference.
Controller: All right...
[to the other controllers]
Controller: ... Which one of you guys is using the hair-dryer?

Bob: Anyway, I've got a lot of deliveries to make. Ha-ha. Ho, ho, ho-- Ohh! Oh!
Zelda: You are not going anywhere.
Sabrina: Isn't there someone that could fill in? Like a temp service or a cousin?
Bob: Well, there's always Mrs. Claus, but I can't call her. She works for UPS. This time of year, they're real crazy.

[Whilst the toys search the Woody on Al's Office, unaware that he's not really there and in Al's Apartment, Al enters talking on the phone and walking over to the Fax Machine]
Slinky: [Whispering] It's him.
Hamm: The Chicken Man.
Buzz: Funny, he doesn't look like poultry.
Slinky: That's the Kidnapper alright.
Buzz: Kidnapper, an Agent of Zurg if I ever saw one.
Al: [Putting a photo of Woody through the Fax Machine] And the Piece de Resistance. I promise the Collection will be the Crown Jewel of your Museum.
[the photo pops out the Fax Machine through the other side, landing on the floor where the toys hid]
Slinky: It's Woody
Al: Now that I have your attention, imagine we added another Zero to the price, huh? What?
Al: [Overjoyed] Yes? Yes! You've got yourself a deal! I'll be on the next flight to Japan!
Mr. Potato Head: [Shocked] He's selling Woody to a Toy Museum.
Rex: In *Japan*.
[the toys all jump into Al's Bag]
Buzz: Into the Poultry Man's Cargo Unit. He'll lead us to Zurg. Move, move, move!
[Rex's tail hangs out of the bag, Al picks it up and laughs]
Al: [Cheering to himself] I'm gonna be rich! Rich! Rich!

Spanish: [immediately after being reset into Spanish, Buzz speaks into his wrist communicator] Bitácora Espacial - Me he despertado de hiper-sueño en un planeta extraño.
[Star Log - I have awaken from hypersleep on a strange planet]
Hamm the Piggy Bank: [to Rex] Now what did you do?
Rex the Green Dinosaur: I just did what you told me!
Spanish: Estoy rodeado por criaturas extrañas y desconozco sus intenciónes. ¿¡Quién anda ahí? ¿Amigo? O enemigo?
[I am surrounded by creatures of unknown intent. Who goes there? Friend? Or Enemy?]
Spanish: [aims his laser at Woody]
Woody: Uh... Amigos! We're all amigos!
Spanish: [turns off laser and is suddenly friendly] Me debo haber estrellado, y se me borró la memoria.
[I must have crash landed and had my memory erased]
Spanish: [visor still closed, he kisses Woody quickly on each cheek]
Spanish: ¿Han visto a mi nave espacial?
[Anybody seen my spaceship?]
Woody: [dumbstruck] We gotta switch him back.
Slinky: Well how do we do that?
Hamm the Piggy Bank: [looking at the manual] I don't know, that part's in Spanish!
Woody: Oh... we don't have time for this. Come on, El Buzzo!
[They all start running]
Spanish: Mi nave espacial? Encontraste? Exelente!
[My spaceship? You know where it is? Excellent!]

Slinky: [after Buzz gets knocked out the window and lands into the bushes nearby] Hey guys, RC's trying to tell us something.
Rex: What is it Boy?
R.C. the Race Car: [RC whirrs his wheels]
Mr. Potato Head: He's saying that this is *no* accident!
Bo: What do you mean?
Mr. Potato Head: I mean Humpty Dumpty was pushed, by Woody!
[the toys all stare at Woody in shock]
Woody: Wait a minute, You don't think I even meant to knock Buzz out the window, do you? Potato Head?
Mr. Potato Head: That's Mr. Potato Head to *you* you backstabbing murderer!
Woody: Now, guys, it was an accident. C'mon, you-you've gotta believe me.
Slinky: We believe ya, Woody. Right, Rex?
Rex: [nervously] Well, I mean, uh, I don't like confrontations!
Mr. Potato Head: Couldn't handle Buzz cutting on your playtime, could you Woody? Didn't wanna face the fact that Buzz might be Andy's *new* favourite toy. So you got rid of him. Well what if Andy starts playing with *me* more Woody, huh? You gonna knock me out the window too?
Hamm: I don't think we should give him the chance.

Buzz: [Having figured out the Liscence Plate with the help of Mr. Spell] Etch, Draw that man in a Chicken Suit.
[Etch redraws the picture of Al holding Woody wearing a Chicken Suit, which bears a Striking Resemblance to the Chicken Mascot from the Al's Toy Barn Commercial]
Rex: [Surprised] It's the chicken man!
Buzz: That's our guy!
Hamm: I knew there was somethin' I didn't like about that chicken.

Slim: What's the point of going out there? They'll only laugh at me.
P.T. Flea: That's because you're a clown!
Slim: No, it's because I'm a prop. You always cast me as the broom, the pole, the stick... a *splinter*!
P.T. Flea: You're a walking stick. It's funny! Now go!
Slim: You parasite.

Buzz: Good work, men. Two blocks down and only nineteen more to go.
Mr. Potato Head: What?
Rex,28570: Nineteen?
Mr. Potato Head: Are we gonna do this all night? My parts are killing me.
Buzz: Come on, fellas. Did Woody give up when Sid had me strapped to a rocket?
Mr. Potato Head,22639: No.
Buzz: No. And did he give up when you threw him out of the back of that moving van?
Mr. Potato Head: Oh, you had to bring *that* up!
Buzz: No, he didn't! We have a friend in need, and we will not rest until he's safe in Andy's room! Now, let's move out!

[first lines]
[it's raining outside of Andy's house and thunder rumbles]
Jessie: Whoa! It's raining cats and dogs out there! I hope they make it back all right.
Hamm: Heads up! Andy's coming!
[Jessie gasps, and she, Bullseye, and Hamm pose as toys while Andy comes in with everyone else]
Andy's: Andy, time for dinner.
Young: Yes! I'm starving!
Andy's: Don't forget to wash your hands!
Young: Okay, Mom!

[Mr. Potato Head rearranges his facial features crazily]
Mr. Potato Head: Hey, Hamm. Look, I'm Picasso!
Hamm: I don't get it.
Mr. Potato Head: You uncultured swine! What're you lookin' at, ya hockey puck?

Hamm the Piggy Bank: Hey, where's that fur-ball Lotso?
Slinky: Yeah, I'd like to loosen his stitching.
Woody: Forget it, guys. He's not worth it.

Mr. Potato Head: Remember all that bad stuff I said about Andy's attic? I take it all back.
Slinky: Ya darn-tootin'
Hamm the Piggy Bank: You said it!

[Mike and Sulley are working in the mail room at Monsters Inc]
Yeti: Alright, newbies. Quit goofing around. I'll have you know that tampering with the mail is punishable by banishment.
Sulley: Yes Sir.
Mike: We're right on it Mr. Snowman.

Fly: I only got twenty-four hours to live, and I ain't gonna waste it here.

Woody: Oh no.
Hamm the Piggy Bank: Oh yes! Return of the Astro-Nut!

[after Bonnie returns home from school, Woody opens up and gets out of Bonnie's backpack]
Trixie: [gasps] He did go to kindergarten!
Mr. Potato Head: I knew it!
Woody: No, no, no, guys, listen...
Buttercup: You tryin' to get Bonnie in trouble?
Woody: No, of course not!
Dolly: You could have been confiscated!
Rex: What does that mean?
Hamm: Taken away.
Rex: [gasps] NO!
Jessie: Or worse. You could have been lost!

Mack: Those two are perfect for each other.

Mr. Potato Head: Hey, a laser! How come *you* don't have a laser, Woody?
Woody: It's not a laser! It's a...
[sighs in frustration]
Woody: It's a little light bulb that blinks.
Hamm: What's with him?
Mr. Potato Head: Laser envy.

Rex: Mr. Lightyear, now I'm curious... what does a space ranger actually do?
Woody: He's not a space ran-*ger*! He doesn't fight evil or, or... shoot lasers or fly.
Buzz: Excuse me.
Buzz: [Buzz deploys his wings; all exclaim in excitement]
Hamm: Wow. Impressive wingspan. Very good.
Woody: Oh, what? What? These are plastic; he can't fly.
Buzz: They are a terillium-carbonic alloy, and I *can* fly.
Woody: No, you can't.
Buzz: [sighs] Yes, I can.
Woody: Can't.
Buzz: Can.
Woody: Can't, can't, ca-an't!
Buzz: I tell you, I could fly around this room with my eyes closed!
Woody: Okay, Mr. Light Beer, prove it.
Buzz: All right then, I will. Stand back, everyone.

[from trailer]
Buzz: Hold on, this is no time to be hysterical!
Hamm the Piggy Bank: This is the perfect time to be hysterical.
Rex the Green Dinosaur: Should we be HYSTERICAL?
Slinky: No!
Mr. Potato Head: Yes!
Buzz: Maybe! But not right now!
Hamm the Piggy Bank: C'mon. Let's go see how much we're going for on eBay.

Hamm: Excuse me, ladies, but could any of you tell us where we might the Al of Al's Toy Barn?
Tour: I can help!
[slides down the slide and into the toy car]
Tour: I'm Tour Guide Barbie! Please keep your hands, arms, and accessories in the car, and no flash photography. Thank you.
Mr. Potato Head: I'm a married spud, I'm a married spud...
Hamm: [Hopping into the front seat of the car] Then make way for the single fellas.

Zelda: We have a problem. Our niece Sabrina has a case of egotitis.
Bob: Yeah, that's not your only problem.
Hilda: It isn't?
Bob: No, you've got one sorry-looking Christmas tree.

Mr. Potato Head: [noticing Woody calling from Sid's house] Son of a building block!It's Woody!
Hamm: He's in the psycho's bedroom!
Bo: Woody?
Woody: Boy, am I glad to see you guys!
Slinky: I knew you'd come back!
Bo: What are you doing over there?
Woody: It's a long story, I'll explain later. Here! Catch this!
[Woody throws a string of Christmas lights across to Andy's window, which Slinky grabs successfully]
Slinky: I got it!
Woody: Good going Slink! Now tie it onto something!
Mr. Potato Head: Wait, I have a better idea! How about we don't?
[snatches the lights off Slinky]
Slinky: Hey!
Bo: Potato Head!
Mr. Potato Head: Did you all take those Stupid Pills this morning? Have you forgotten what he did to Buzz?
[the other toys shake their head]
Mr. Potato Head: And now you wanna let him back over here?
Woody: No, no. You got it all wrong Potato Head. Buzz is fine. Buzz is right here. He's with me.
Mr. Potato Head: You are a liar!
Woody: No i'm not!
[calling to Buzz]
Woody: Buzz, come over here and tell the nice toy's that you're not dead!
[Buzz sits on the floor of Sid's Room, peeling off the sticker of his wrist communicator]
Woody: Just a sec.
Woody: [walks back into Sid's room and calls over to Buzz] Buzz, will you get up here and gimme a hand?
[Buzz throws his broken-off arm to Woody]
Woody: Ha-ha, ha-ha. That's real funny. THIS IS SERIOUS!

Woody: Day care is a sad lonely old place for toys who don't have a home.
Barbie: ...WAAAAGH!
Hamm the Piggy Bank: Quite the charmer, ain'tya?

Bob: Trying to recapture the spirit of Christmas, huh?
Zelda: Mm. Can you help?
Bob: I'll give it a shot. I know. Say, why don't you and I take a little trip to Christmas past? No, it's been done.
Hilda: Trust me, the trip to the graveyard is quite depressing.
Bob: Why don't you and I try to go and recapture your childhood Christmas memories? And maybe have a look at the new Chryslers.
Sabrina: You have met this guy before, right?

Buzz: Woody was right, we all should have been safe guarding the utensil.
Trixie: Why isn't Woody back yet?
Rex: Do you think he's lost?
Buttercup: Buzz, what do we do?
Trixie: What Do We Do Buzz? Buzz What Do We Do? What Do We Do Buzz? What Do We Do Buzz? Buzz? Buzz?
Buzz: Uh, Well, Uh... I Uh, Well, I, Uh...
Rex: What Would Woody Do?
Hamm: Jump Out Of A Moving Vehicle.
Buzz: What Would Woody Do?
[Pushes Button]
Buzz: 'There's A Secret Mission, In Uncharted Space'. I Think I Uh, Have To Go.
Rex: Where?
Slinky: Where ya going? Why?
Buzz: [Pushes Button] 'No Time To Explain, Attack!' No Time To Explain!
[Jumps Out The Window]

[Woody jumps on to a train of orphaned Troll dolls. He pulls the brake to try and stop the train before reaching the broken bridge, but they still fall into the canyon]
Jessie: No!
[Suddenly, Buzz Lightyear appears, lifting the train and its passengers out of the canyon]
Buzz: Glad I could catch the train!
Woody: Now let's catch some criminals!
Buzz: To infinity and beyond!
[Cut to the Potato Heads and the aliens in their car, counting money and laughing evily]
Aliens: [pointing at the sky] Ooh!
[Buzz flies above the bandits and slices their car with his laser. After the criminals tumble to the ground, Woody, Buzz, and Jessie enter]
Woody: Reach for the sky!
Mr. Potato Head: You can't touch me, Sheriff. I brought my attack dog with a built-in force field!
[Mr. Potato Head calls Slinky Dog over with a whistle. Slinky bounces down from the mountains and forms the force field around the Potato Heads and aliens]
Woody: Well, I brought my dinosaur who eats force field dogs!
Jessie: Yodel-ay-hee-hoo!
[the ground cracks apart, and Rex emerges. He roars at the evildoers, but then notices something]
Rex the Green Dinosaur: Huh?
Buzz: [a pig-shaped spaceship suddenly appears. Its driver is Hamm, portraying Dr. Porkchop] Evil Dr. Porkchop!
Hamm the Piggy Bank: That's *Mr.* Evil Dr. Porkchop to you.
[Hamm teleports the Potato Heads, the aliens, and Slinky onto his ship. He also pushes a button reading, "Death by Monkeys," trapping our heroes with a flood of plastic red monkeys. As Mr. Potato Head reaches toward a button activating a destructive ray, the scene suddenly cuts to Andy's bedroom. The whole scene actually took place in Andy's imagination, as he plays with the toys and a cardboard spaceship]
Young: [as Woody] Buzz, shoot your laser at my badge!
Young: [as Buzz] Woody, no! It'll kill you!
Young: [as Woody] Just do it!
[Andy shields Buzz's eyes and pushes the laser button. He uses his finger to trace the laser bouncing off Woody's badge, then knocks the spaceship and its evil passengers towards the ground]

Flik: Oh, great ones! I have been scouting for bugs with your exact talents!
Rosie: A talent scout!
Flik: My colony is in trouble. Grasshoppers are coming. We've been forced to prepare all this food.
Manny: Dinner theater!
Heimlich: Food?
Flik: Please, will you help us?
Fly: Where are they?
Slim: We'll take the job!

[Cliff, sitting in the co-pilot's seat, starts tapping on the covers of the plane's console's indicators]
Brian: Don't do that.
Cliff: Ah, your altimeter is stuck at zero there.
Brian: We're on the ground.

Mustafa: [panicked] Someone has asked what is new!
Horst: New?
Mustafa: Yes! What do I tell them?
Horst: Well, what *did* you tell them?
Mustafa: I told them I would ask!
Skinner: What are you blathering about?
Horst: Customers are asking what is new!
Mustafa: What should I tell them?
Skinner: What *did* you tell them?
Mustafa: [exasperated] I TOLD THEM I WOULD ASK!
Skinner: This is simple. Just pull out an old Gusteau recipe, something we haven't made in a while...
Mustafa: They know about the old stuff. They like Linguini's soup.
Skinner: They are asking for food from LINGUINI?

[the road leading to Al's Toy Barn on the other side has a tonne of Traffic in the way of the Toys]
Rex: Oh well, we tried.
Buzz: [Holds onto Rex's tail] We'll have to cross.
Rex,40147: WHAT?
Mr. Potato Head: You're not turning me into a Mashed Potato.
Slinky: I may not be a smart dog, but I know what roadkill is.
Buzz: There must be a safe way.

Woody: [running towards Buzz in a mocking sort of manner] Buzz! Oh, Buzz! Buzz Lightyear! Buzz Lightyear, thank goodness! We've got trouble!
Buzz: Trouble? Where?
Woody: Down there. Just down there. A helpless toy! It's - It's trapped, Buzz!
Buzz: Then we've no time to lose.
[Buzz jumps over to the side of the desk, while Woody sneaks over to RC's remote, waking him up, and aiming him directly at Buzz]
Buzz: I don't see anything!
Woody: Uh, he's there. Just - Just keep looking.
[Woody sends RC driving towards Buzz. Buzz jumps out of the way, and RC crashes into the pin-up board in the corner, knocking all the pins down around Buzz. The board crashes down into Andy's globe, knocking it loose, rolling towards Buzz]
Woody: [Buzz jumps out of the globe's way, onto the windowsill, but the globe strikes Andy's folding-arm desk lamp. It spins over Woody, who ducks out of the way, and hits Buzz, sending him flying out the window]
Hamm,40146: [stop their card game, and run over to the window in panic] BUZZ!
Woody: Buzz!
[Buzz flies into the bushes nearby and disappears]
Slinky: [the rest of Andy's toys gather round] I don't see him in the driveway. I think he bounced into Sid's Yard.
[Woody gulps and backs away from the window after what happened]

[watching guests arrive for Andy's party]
Rex: Any dinosaur-shaped ones?
Hamm: Oh, for crying out loud, they're all in *boxes*, you idiot.
Rex: They're getting bigger...
Slinky: Wait, there's a nice little one over there.
[boy turns around, revealing the full length of the box he's carrying]
Rex,28570: AAAAAHH!

Cliff: So whats goin down, Norm?
Norm: My blood alcohol level.

P.T. Flea: Flaming Death is a huge hit!
Slim: P.T., shhh!
P.T. Flea: I'm serious! Word of mouth got around, the next day there was a line of flies outside the tent, went on forever. It must have been a foot long!

Mustafa: [taking Ego's order] Do you know what you'd like this evening, sir?
Anton: Yes, I think I do. After reading a lot of overheated puffery about your new cook, you know what I'm craving? A little perspective. That's it. I'd like some fresh, clear, well seasoned perspective. Can you suggest a good wine to go with that?
Mustafa: With what, sir?
Anton: Perspective. Fresh out, I take it?
Mustafa: I am, uh...
Anton: Very well. Since you're all out of perspective and no one else seems to have it in this BLOODY TOWN, I'll make you a deal. You provide the food, I'll provide the perspective, which would go nicely with a bottle of Cheval Blanc 1947.
Mustafa: I'm afraid... your dinner selection?
Anton: [stands up angrily] Tell your chef Linguini that I want whatever he dares to serve me. Tell him to hit me with his best SHOT.

Skinner: [seeing a ladle in Linguini's hand] You are COOKING? How DARE you cook in MY kitchen! Where do get the gall to attempt something so monumentally idiotic? I should have you drawn and quartered! I'll do it! I think the law is on my side! Larousse, draw and quarter this man! *After* you put him in the duck press to squeeze the fat out of his head!
[as he's shouting, Lalo ladles some soup into a tureen and brings it to the waiter]
Linguini: Oh no no no, OH NO, don't let them, don't eat...
Skinner: What are you blathering about?
Linguini: ...the soup!
Skinner: [sees the soup going out runs to stop it] Soup? Stop that soup! Noooooooo!
[bursts into the dining room to the stares of the diners, retreats back into the kitchen and watches through the window as the waiter serves the soup]
Solene: [tasting the soup] Waiter!
Skinner: [gasps] Linguini! You're fired! F-I-R-E-D! Fired!
Mustafa: She wants to see the chef.
Mustafa: [scared] B-but he...
[clears his throat and goes to speak to the customer; Colette tastes the soup; Skinner re-enters]
Colette: What did the customer say?
Mustafa: It was not a customer. It was a critic.
Colette: Ego?
Skinner: Solene LeClaire.
Colette: LeClaire. What did she say?
Mustafa: She likes the soup.

Cliff: I'm about ready to take off, there. How about you, Sky King?
Brian: Just one more pre-flight adjustment to make.
Cliff: What's that?
Brian: Would you two guys mind switching seats?
Cliff: Ah, I get it. Weight distribution of payload. Right you are.
[Gets up to change seats with Norm, all the while muttering]
Norm: Is this for safety reasons?
Brian: Oh, yeah. If he'd stayed up here, I'd've killed him.

[the toys are trying to find a way to enter Al's apartment building]
Mr. Potato Head: I say we stack ourselves up, push the intercom and pretend we're delivering a pizza.
Hamm: How about a ham sandwich? With fries and a hotdog?
Rex: What about me?
Hamm: Ah, you can be the toy that comes with the meal.

Mrs. Potato Head: [Molly tosses Barbie into the "Sunnyside" box without caring] Poor Barbie!
Hamm the Piggy Bank: I get the Corvette.

Francis: So! Bein' a ladybug automatically makes me a girl. Is that it, fly boy? Eh?
Fly: Yikes! She's a guy!

[Hamm's cork has popped out and there is change all over the sidewalk]
Hamm: All right, nobody look till I get my cork back in.

[the toys are meeting Buzz for the first time]
Hamm: So where you from? Singapore? Hong Kong?
Buzz: Well, no. Actually, I-I'm-- I'm stationed up in the Gamma Quadrant of Sector Four.
[as Buzz speaks, Woody looks down at the cardboard box and finds that everything that Buzz is saying is from the back of the box]
Buzz: As a member of the elite Universe Protection Unit of the Space Ranger Corps, I protect the galaxy from the threat of invasion... from the evil Emperor Zurg, sworn enemy of the Galactic Alliance!
Mr. Potato Head: [nonplussed] Oh, really? I'm from Playskool.
Rex: And I'm from Mattel. Well, I'm not really from Mattel. I'm actually from a smaller company that was purchased in a leveraged buyout.

[Norm and Cliff from Boston, are taking a flight to Nantucket to go fishing. Brian is preparing for take-off]
Norm: I can't wait to get out on the water. Do you know how the fishing is over on Nantucket?
Brian: Oh, yeah, I hear they're biting like pitbulls at a mailman convention.
Norm: Hahahaha!
Cliff: [scowling at Brian] That's supposed to be funny?
Brian: I guess not.