Top 20 Quotes From Linguini

Colette: I know the Gusteau style cold. In every dish, Chef Gusteau always has something unexpected. I will show you. I memorize all his recipe.
Linguini: [writing in notebook] Always do something unexpected.
Colette: No. Follow the recipe.
Linguini: But you just said that...
Colette: [interrupts] No-no-no-no. It was *his* job to be unexpected. It is *our* job to...
Colette,176057: [together, as Linguini rewrites the advice] ... follow the recipe.

Anton: [running his finger through leftover sauce and licking it] I can't remember the last time I asked to give my compliments to the chef. And now I find myself in the extraordinary position of having my waiter *be* the chef!
Linguini: Thanks, but... I'm just your waiter tonight.
Anton: Then who do I thank for the meal?
Linguini: Uh... excuse me a moment?
[he skates into the kitchen; he and Colette have a brief, muffled, heated argument; Colette and Linguini both come out]
Anton: [to Colette] You must be the chef...
Colette: [cutting him off] If you wish to meet the chef, you will have to wait, until all the other customer have gone.
Anton: [settling back to wait] So be it.

Linguini: [Remy is controlling his movements by pulling his hair] That's strangely involuntareeee!

[holding a trapped Remy out over the Seine to drown him; he and Remy stare at each other]
Linguini: Don't look at me like that! You aren't the only one who's trapped, they expect me to cook it again! I mean, I'm not ambitious, I wasn't trying to cook, I was just trying to stay out of trouble! You're the one who was gettin' fancy with the spices! What'd you throw in there, oregano? No? What, rosemary? That's a spice isn't it, rosemary? You didn't put rosemary in? Then what was all the flipping and... the throwing the...
[he sinks down on the wall with a sigh]
Linguini: I need this job. I've lost so many. I don't know how to cook and now I'm actually talking to a rat as if you...
[gasps]
Linguini: Did you nod? Have you been nodding?
[Remy nods]
Linguini: You understand me? So I'm not crazy! Wait a second, wait a second... I can't cook, can I?
[Remy shakes his head]
Linguini: But, you... you can, right?
[Remy shrugs modestly]
Linguini: Look, don't be so modest, you're a rat for Pete's sake. Whatever you did, they liked it. Yeah. This could work. Hey, they liked the soup...!
[he flails and knocks the jar into the river]
Linguini: Augh!
[he dives in and reappears soaking wet with Remy]
Linguini: They like the soup. Do you think you could... do it again?
[Remy nods]
Linguini: Okay, I'm gonna let you out now. But we're together on this, right?
[Remy nods]
Linguini: Okay...

Linguini: Can I interest you in a dessert this evening?
Anton: Don't you always?
Linguini: Which one would you like?
Anton: [to Remy, through the kitchen window] Surprise me!

Skinner: You know something about rats, you know you do!
Linguini: You know who know, do, whacka-do. Ratta-tatta - Hey, why do they call it that?
Skinner: What?
Linguini: Ratatouille. It's like a stew, right? Why do they call it that? If you're gonna name a food, you should give it a name that sounds delicious. Ratatouille doesn't sound delicious. It sounds like "rat" and "patootie." Rat patootie! Which does not sound delicious.
[holds out his glass for more wine]
Skinner: [growling] Regrettably, we are all... out... of wine.

Skinner: [seeing a ladle in Linguini's hand] You are COOKING? How DARE you cook in MY kitchen! Where do get the gall to attempt something so monumentally idiotic? I should have you drawn and quartered! I'll do it! I think the law is on my side! Larousse, draw and quarter this man! *After* you put him in the duck press to squeeze the fat out of his head!
[as he's shouting, Lalo ladles some soup into a tureen and brings it to the waiter]
Linguini: Oh no no no, OH NO, don't let them, don't eat...
Skinner: What are you blathering about?
Linguini: ...the soup!
Skinner: [sees the soup going out runs to stop it] Soup? Stop that soup! Noooooooo!
[bursts into the dining room to the stares of the diners, retreats back into the kitchen and watches through the window as the waiter serves the soup]
Solene: [tasting the soup] Waiter!
Skinner: [gasps] Linguini! You're fired! F-I-R-E-D! Fired!
Mustafa: She wants to see the chef.
Mustafa: [scared] B-but he...
[clears his throat and goes to speak to the customer; Colette tastes the soup; Skinner re-enters]
Colette: What did the customer say?
Mustafa: It was not a customer. It was a critic.
Colette: Ego?
Skinner: Solene LeClaire.
Colette: LeClaire. What did she say?
Mustafa: She likes the soup.

Linguini: Thank you, by the way, for all the advice about cooking.
Colette: Thank you, too.
Linguini: For - for what?
Colette: [grins] For taking it!

Skinner: Toasting your success, eh, Linguini? Good for you.
Linguini: [indicating his wine glass] Oh, I just took it to be polite. I don't really drink, you know.
Skinner: Oh, of course you don't. I wouldn't either if I was drinking *that*. But you would have to be an idiot of elephantine proportions not to appreciate this '61 Château Latour, and you, Monsieur Linguini, are no idiot. Let us toast your non-idiocy!

Linguini: Listen, I just want you to know how honored I am to be studying under such a...
Colette: [pins Linguini's sleeve with a knife] No, you listen! I just want you to know exactly who you are dealing with! How many women do you see in this kitchen?
Linguini: Well, I uh...
Colette: [pins Linguini's sleeve with another knife] Only me. Why do you think that is? Because haute cuisine is an antiquated hierarchy built upon rules written by stupid, old, *men*. Rules designed to make it impossible for women to enter this world. But still I'm here! How did this happen?
Linguini: Well because, because you...
Colette: [pins Linguini's sleeve with a third knife] Because I am the toughest cook in this kitchen! I have worked too hard for too long to get here, and I am *not* going to jeopardize it for some garbage boy who got lucky! Got it?
[she sweeps the knives off Linguini's arm and he falls to the floor]
Linguini: [sitting up, chuckling] Wow!

Colette: Horst has done time.
Linguini: What for?
Colette: No one know for sure. He changes the story every time you ask him.
[Horst is shown telling his story at different times]
Horst: I defrauded a major corporation.
Horst: I robbed the second-largest bank in France using only a ball-point pen.
Horst: I created a hole in the ozone over Avignon.
Horst: I killed a man... with *this* thumb!

Colette: [reading a recipe] Sweetbread a la Gusteau: Sweetbread cooked in a seaweed salt crust with cuttlefish tentacle, dog rose puree, geoduck egg, dried white fungus? Anchovy licorice sauce... Uh, I don't know this recipe, but it's Gusteau, so...
Colette: [calling] Lalo! We have some veal stomach soaking, yes?
Lalo: Yes, veal stomach, I get that.
Linguini: Veal... stomach?

Colette: What are you doing?
Linguini: [stammering] Uh, I'm cutting vegetables. I'm cutting the... vegetables?
Colette: No! You waste energy and time! You think cooking is a cute job, eh? Like Mommy in the kitchen? Well, Mommy never had to face the dinner rush when the orders come flooding in, and every dish is different and none are simple, and all of the different cooking times, but must arrive at the customer's table at exactly the same time, hot and perfect! Every second counts, you CANNOT be MOMMY!

Linguini: When I added that extra ingredient instead of following the recipe like you said, that wasn't me... either.
Colette: What do you mean?
Linguini: I mean, *I* wouldn't have done that. I would've followed the recipe, I would've followed your advice, I would've followed your advice to the ends of the Earth because I love you... r advice. But...
Remy: [whispering desperately] Don't do it...
Linguini: [hesitantly] I have a secret. It's sort of disturbing. I have a ra... I have a raaaaa...
Colette: You have a... rash?
Linguini: No no no. I have this-this tiny, uh, little... little...
[quickly]
Linguini: a tiny chef who tells me what to do.

Linguini: [attempting to make an inspirational speech to the other cooks] Tonight is a big night. Appetite is coming, and he's gonna have a big ego. I mean, Ego! He's coming. The, the critic? And he's gonna order... something. Something from our menu, and we'll have to cook it...

Colette: So you see, we are artist, pirate. More than cooks are we.
Linguini: We?
Colette: Oui. You are one of us now, oui?
Linguini: Oui.

Larousse: Hey, boss, look who it is! Alfredo Linguini! Renata's little boy! All grown up, eh? You remember Renata. Gusteau's old flame?
Skinner: Ah, yes. How are you, uh...
Larousse: Linguini.
Skinner: Yes, Linguini, so nice of you to visit. How is, uh...?
Linguini: My mother?
Skinner: Yes...
Larousse: Renata.
Skinner: Yes, Renata. How is she?
Linguini: Good... well, not... good... She's been better. She's, uh... she...
Horst: She died.
Skinner: [attempting to care] Oh, uh, I'm sorry.
Linguini: Well, don't be. She believed in Heaven, so she's covered... you know, afterlife-wise? Uh...
[clumsily gives Skinner a letter]
Skinner: What is this?
Linguini: She left it for you. I think she hoped it would help... me. You know, get a job... Here?

Anton: You are Monsieur Linguini?
Linguini: Uh, hello.
Anton: Pardon me for interrupting your premature celebration, but I thought it only fair to give you a sporting chance as you are new to this game.
Linguini: Uh... game?
Anton: Yes, and you've been playing without an opponent, which is, as you may have guessed... against the rules.
Linguini: [awed] You're... Anton Ego.
Anton: [sarcastic] You're slow for someone in the fast lane.
Linguini: [a little nervously] And you're... thin, for someone who likes food.
[crowd gasps]
Anton: I don't *like* food; I LOVE it. If I don't love it, I don't *swallow*.
[Linguini swallows nervously]
Anton: [turns to leave] I will return tomorrow night with high expectations. Pray you don't disappoint me.

Linguini: Bonjour, ma chérie. Join us. We were just talking about my inspiration.
Colette: Yes, he calls it his tiny chef.
Linguini: Not that, dearest, I meant you.

Skinner: [interrogating Linguini after plying him with wine] Have you ever had a pet rat?
Linguini: No.
Skinner: Did you work in a lab with rats?
Linguini: Nooope.
Skinner: Perhaps you lived in squalor at some point?
Linguini: Nopity, nopity noo.