20 Best Felicia Quotes

Felicia: [to Tick] This is getting too weird. You, and a *woman*? What did she used do for kicks? Put a bucket on your head and swing off the handle?

Mitzi: [as Felicia starts painting over the graffiti on their bus, which is stranded in the middle of nowhere] Purple?
Felicia: It's not *purple*, it's *lavender*. Whaddaya think?
Mitzi: It's nice... in a hideous sort of a way.
Mitzi: [to Bernadette, who has started walking off] Where are *you* going?
Bernadette: If you think I'm going to sit around watching Picasso take on the public transit system, you've got another thing coming. I'll be back with the cavalry in a couple of hours.

Felicia: [to Tick and Bernadette] The only life I saw for the last million miles were the hypnotized bunnies. Most of them are now wedged in the tires.

Felicia: I mean who is the fish that runs this bloody hotel in the middle of nowhere, anyway? Your mother?
Tick: No, my wife.
Felicia: Ooh, don't tell me you've got an ex-boyfriend tucked away out here somewhere.
Tick: No, my wife! I'm married.
[the bus brakes screech and glass shatters]
Tick: Oh, fuck!

Felicia: Oh, you can't do that with a ping-pong ball!
Bernadette: Do you wanna bet?

Felicia: There goes the transsexual, last seen heading south. We called her Bernie, but her real name was...
Tick: Adam?

Felicia: [after showing him the bus he had bought for their trip] Ta-da! What do you think?
Tick: When do we have to return it to the school?

Felicia: [to Tick and Bernadette] So anyway, back to me.

Bernadette: We've only recently discovered that young Anthony here, bats for both teams.
Mitzi: I do not!
Felicia: Oh, so we're straight?
Mitzi: No.
Felicia: Oh, we're not. So we're a donut puncher, after all?
Mitzi: No.
Felicia: Then what the hell are we?
Mitzi: I don't fuckin' know.

[after their bus breaks down in the middle of the outback]
Tick: What's happening?
Felicia: Um, I don't know.
Bernadette: Oh, my God! Oh, Felicia. Where the Fuckawei?

Felicia: [singing] A desert holiday, let's pack the drag away. You take the lunch and tea, I'll take the ecstasy. Fuck off you silly queer, I'm getting out of here. A desert holiday, hip hip hip hip hooray!

Felicia: Do you know why this microphone has such a long cord?
Man: Why?
Felicia: So it's easily retrieved after I've shoved it up your ass.

Felicia: [to Tick and Bernadette] I met these Swedish tourists called... Lars, Lars and Lars.

Felicia: [to Tick] Mowing those lawns must have been murder on your heels, though.

Felicia: [to the video shop worker] Umm... , do you have "The Texas Chainsaw Mascara"?

Felicia: This old man he played two. He played knick-knack with my poo!

Felicia: [to Tick, when the Spencer's see all three and then take off] Oh, for goodness sakes, look at yourself, Mitz. How many times do I have to tell you? Green is not your color!
[laughs hysterically]

Bob: If you don't mind me asking, what kind of cabaret act do you do?
Felicia: We dress up in women's clothes and parade around mouthing the words to other people's songs.

Felicia: [in sweet voice] Mummy, maybe a trip to the outback will help me get over this little... phase I'm going through. And you never know, I might meet some lovely country girl.
[in tough voice]
Felicia: I hereby christen this budget Barbie camper... Priscilla. Queen of the Desert!
[smashes champagne bottle against bus]
Bernadette: That's gotta be the understatement of the century.

Felicia: [to Tick] Do you think I'm going to let you walk away with all the attention? No chance, come on girls. Let's go shopping.