20 Best Bernadette Quotes

Bernadette: [to Tick about Felicia] One more push, I'm gonna to smack his face so hard he'll have to stick his toothbrush up his arse to clean his teeth!

Bernadette: Tony, Adam. This is Mr. and Mrs. Spencer.
Tick: Hello.
Felicia: Hello.
[the car drives off leaving them stranded]
Felicia: No, wait. Stop! Shit!.

[after their bus breaks down in the middle of the outback]
Tick: What's happening?
Felicia: Um, I don't know.
Bernadette: Oh, my God! Oh, Felicia. Where the Fuckawei?

Bernadette: Stop flexing your muscles, you big pile of budgie turd. I'm sure your mates will be much more impressed if you just go back to the pub and fuck a couple of pigs on the bar.
Bob: Bernadette, please.
Frank: *Bernadette?* Well I'll be darned. The whole circus is in town. Well I suppose you wanna fuck too do you? Come on Bernadette, come and fuck me. That's it. Come on. Come and fuck me. Come on. Fuck me.
[Bernadette knees Frank in the groin]
Bernadette: There, now you're fucked!

Bernadette: [to Felicia] I've said it before, and I'll say it again: "No more fucking ABBA!"

Bernadette: [to Tick] Don't "Darling", me, Darling. Look at you. You've got a face like a cat's arse.

Bernadette: [to Bob] Believe me, Bob, these days gentlemen are an endangered species. Unlike bloody drag queens who just keep breeding like rabbits.

Bernadette: No, I'll join this conversation on the proviso that we stop bitching about people, talking about wigs, dresses, bust sizes, penises, drugs, night clubs, and bloody Abba!
Tick: Doesn't give us much to talk about then, does it?

Bernadette: [after Felicia tells Bernadette about her ABBA story] What are you telling me? This is an ABBA turd?

Mitzi: [as Felicia starts painting over the graffiti on their bus, which is stranded in the middle of nowhere] Purple?
Felicia: It's not *purple*, it's *lavender*. Whaddaya think?
Mitzi: It's nice... in a hideous sort of a way.
Mitzi: [to Bernadette, who has started walking off] Where are *you* going?
Bernadette: If you think I'm going to sit around watching Picasso take on the public transit system, you've got another thing coming. I'll be back with the cavalry in a couple of hours.

Bernadette: Oh. Uh, gather around girls, uh, let me show you a trick. You, um, drink the Gin...
[guzzles the entire contents]
Bernadette: Aaah! Uh, fill the bottle up with water and then put it back in the fridge.
Mitzi: Va-t'en vous. What about the scotch?
Bernadette: Aha! That's where the complimentary tea bags come in handy.

Bernadette: What a nice dog. What's it's name?
Bob: Herpes. If she's good, she'll heal.

Felicia: Oh, you can't do that with a ping-pong ball!
Bernadette: Do you wanna bet?

Tick: [Tick and Bernadette are discussing what it would be like to have children] What happens if they turn out like Adam?
Bernadette: You stuff 'em back in and ask for a refund.

Bernadette: We've only recently discovered that young Anthony here, bats for both teams.
Mitzi: I do not!
Felicia: Oh, so we're straight?
Mitzi: No.
Felicia: Oh, we're not. So we're a donut puncher, after all?
Mitzi: No.
Felicia: Then what the hell are we?
Mitzi: I don't fuckin' know.

Felicia: [in sweet voice] Mummy, maybe a trip to the outback will help me get over this little... phase I'm going through. And you never know, I might meet some lovely country girl.
[in tough voice]
Felicia: I hereby christen this budget Barbie camper... Priscilla. Queen of the Desert!
[smashes champagne bottle against bus]
Bernadette: That's gotta be the understatement of the century.

Bernadette: [to Felicia] It's funny. We all sit around mindlessly slagging off that vile stink-hole of a city. But in its own strange way, it takes care of us. I don't know if that ugly wall of suburbia's been put there to stop them getting in, or us getting out. Come on. Don't let it drag you down. Let it toughen you up. I can only fight because I've learnt to. Being a man one day and a woman the next isn't an easy thing to do.

Bernadette: [to Shirley] Now listen here, you mullet. Why don't you just light your tampon, and blow your box apart? Because it's the only bang you're ever gonna get, sweetheart!

Mitzi: [about Trumpet] , You know, I never heard him play.
Bernadette: Play? He didn't *play*, dear. Trumpet didn't have a single musical bone in his body. No, Trumpet had an unusually large foreskin. So large, in fact, that he could wrap the entire thing around a Monte Carlo biscuit.

Bernadette: [to Felicia] That's just what this country needs: a cock in a frock on a rock.