The Best Gabriel Iglesias Quotes

Mamá: [the Rivera family spots Mamá Imelda at the desk of a Family Reunion agent] I demand to speak to the person in charge.
Departures: Sorry, señora it says here no one put up your photo.
Mamá: My family always, ALWAYS puts my photo on the ofrenda! That devil box tells you nothing but lies!
[pulls off her shoe and beats the computer with it]
Papá: [Approaches with fear] Mamá Imelda?
Mamá: Oh, mi familia! They wouldn't let me cross the bridge.
[Puts her shoe back on]
Mamá: Tell this woman and her devil box that my photo *is* on the ofrenda!
Papá: Well, we-we never made it made it to the ofrenda.
Mamá: What?
Papá: We ran into a, a...
[the family parts to reveal Miguel]
Mamá: [Gasp] Miguel?
Miguel: [Gives a hesitant wave] Mamá Imelda...
Mamá: [suspiciously] *What* is going on?
Clerk: [Office door opens] You the Rivera family?
[States matter-of-factly]
Clerk: Well, you're cursed.

[from trailer]
Clerk: [sneezes] I am terribly allergic.
Miguel: But Dante doesn't have any hair.
Clerk: And I don't have a nose, and yet, here we are.