20 Best Jerry Maguire Quotes

Jerry: [to Dorothy] I won't let you get rid of me.

Jerry: [Jerry Maguire is lying in bed one morning when suddenly the radio comes on and wakes him up with a jolt after having slept with Dorothy the night before]
[flash to Dickey Fox in his office]
Dicky: I love the mornings! I clap my hands every morning and say, 'This is gonna be a great day!'
[flash back to Jerry Maguire who accidentally steps on a toy]
Jerry: [mutters] I don't believe this. How'd I get myself into this?

Rod: I feel for you, man. But a real man wouldn't shoplift the pootie from a single mom.
Jerry: I didn't shoplift the pootie.
[Rod gives him a long Look]
Jerry: All right. I shoplifted the pootie.

Jerry: [to Matt Cushman] I'm still sort of moved by your "My word is stronger than oak" thing.

Avery: There is no real loyalty, and the first person who taught me that was you.
Jerry: I figure I was trying to sleep with you at the time.
Avery: Well, it worked.

Jerry: [to Avery] Jump in my nightmare, the water's warm!

Jerry: [after having been fired] But if anybody else wants to come with me, this moment will be the ground floor of something real and fun and inspiring and true in this godforsaken business and we will do it together! Who's coming with me besides... "Flipper" here?

Jerry: What do you want from me? My soul?
Dorothy: Why not? I deserve that much.

Laurel: [after Marrying her sister without considering it thoroughly] You fuck this up, I'll kill you!
Jerry: I'm glad we had this talk.

Jerry: Have you ever gotten the feeling that you aren't completely embarassed yet, but you glimpse tomorrow's embarrassment?

Rod: [while leaving the stadium after a game] Maybe you don't. Because it's not just the money I deserve. It's not just the "coin." It's the... - "the kwan".
Jerry: That's your word?
Rod: Yeah, man, it means love, respect, community... and the dollars too. The package. The kwan.
Jerry: But how did you get "kwan?"
Rod: I got there from "coin," dude. Coin, coin... kwaaaan.

Jerry: This is going to change everything.
Dorothy: Promise?

[Rod has just told Jerry he will keep him as his agent]
Jerry: That's, that's great. I'm very... happy.
Rod: Are you listenin'?
Jerry: Yes!
Rod: That's what I'm gonna do for you: God bless you, Jerry. But this is what you gonna do for me. You listenin', Jerry?
Jerry: Yeah, what, what, what can I do for you, Rod? You just tell me what can I do for you?
Rod: It's a very personal, a very important thing. Hell, it's a family motto. Are you ready, Jerry?
Jerry: I'm ready.
Rod: I wanna make sure you're ready, brother. Here it is: Show me the money. Oh-ho-ho! SHOW! ME! THE! MONEY! A-ha-ha! Jerry, doesn't it make you feel good just to say that! Say it with me one time, Jerry.
Jerry: Show you the money.
Rod: Oh, no, no. You can do better than that, Jerry! I want you to say it with you, with meaning, brother! Hey, I got Bob Sugar on the other line; I better hear you he can say it!
Jerry: Yeah, yeah, no, no, no. Show you the money.
Rod: No! Not show you! Show me the money!
Jerry: Show me the money!
Rod: Yeah! Louder!
Jerry: Show me the money!
Rod: Yes, but, brother, you got to yell that shit!
Jerry: Show me the money!
Rod: I need to feel you, Jerry!
Jerry: Show me the money!
Rod: Jerry, you got to yell!
Jerry: [screaming] Show me the money! Show me the money!
Rod: Do you love this black man!
Jerry: I love the black man! Show me the money!
Rod: I love black people.
Jerry: I love black people!
Rod: Who's your motherfucker, Jerry?
Jerry: You're my motherfucker!
Rod: Whatcha gonna do, Jerry?
Jerry: Show me the money!
Rod: Unh! Congratulations, you're still my agent.

Jerry: [over the phone] I will not rest until I have you holding a Coke, wearing your own shoe, playing a Sega game *featuring you*, while singing your own song in a new commercial, *starring you*, broadcast during the Superbowl, in a game that you are winning, and I will not *sleep* until that happens. I'll give you fifteen minutes to call me back.

Jerry: The fuckin zoo is closed, Ray.
Ray: You said fuck.
Jerry: Uh... yeah... I...
Ray: Don't worry. I won't tell.

Jerry: [while on a plane] What are you doing with me, Rod?
Rod: Why?
Jerry: I'm finished, I'm fucked. Twenty-four hours ago, man, I was hot! Now... I'm a cautionary tale. You see this jacket I'm wearing, you like it? Because I don't really need it. Because I'm cloaked in failure! I lost the number one draft picked the night before the draft! Why? Let's recap: because a hockey player's kid made me feel like a superficial jerk. I ate two slices of bad pizza, went to bed and grew a conscience!
Rod: Well, boo-fucking-hoo.

Jerry: [pleading to Rod] Help me... help you. Help me, help you.

[Jerry and Dorothy are in the elevator and a hearing impaired couple gets on. The man of the couple starts talking with his hands, then they get off]
Jerry: I wonder what he just said.
Dorothy: My favorite aunt is hearing impaired. He just said "You complete me".

Jerry: [over the phone] I don't like black people? I am Mister black people.

Jerry: [to Rod] I am out here for you. You don't know what it's like to be ME out here for YOU. It is an up-at-dawn, pride-swallowing siege that I will never fully tell you about, ok?