30 Best Bonnie Hunt Quotes

Laurel: [after Marrying her sister without considering it thoroughly] You fuck this up, I'll kill you!
Jerry: I'm glad we had this talk.

Kate: Sarah, your suspension from lacrosse for excessive force has been lifted, so you're going today.
Sarah: Yes!
Kate: Henry, you have band practice, all right? I cleaned your clarinet. Please don't play with food in your mouth again. Kim and Jessica, your teacher called and has made a request that you do not correct her in front of the class. Mike, you have show-and-tell today. And please, honey, remember that body parts do not count. Kyle and Nigel, you have a dentist's appointment at three o'clock, so you're going to work with Dad.
Nigel: Yeah!
[yells]
Tom: [yells]

Kate: You need a paramedic?
Tom: No, just a pair o' knees.

Sarah: [after Alan got chased by Van Pelt] What is the deal with you and this guy?
Alan: He's a hunter. He kills things, that's what he does. And right now, he wants to hunt me and kill me, okay?
Sarah: Why you?
Alan: Why me? I don't know. Everything about me he finds offensive. You'd think it'd be a waste of his time. Maybe he needs something for his wall, you know, a Parrish - something to go between penguin and partridge.
Sarah: Well, have you ever thought about just sitting down and talking about your differences?
Alan: What, are you crazy? The man has a gun!
Sarah: Don't ever call me crazy, Alan! EVER! Because everyone in this town has called me crazy ever since I told the cops you were sucked into a board game.

Sarah: You might've told us there was a man in there with a rifle that hunts people.
Alan: [exasperatingly sarcastic] Well, I didn't know, okay? It's just the roll of the dice!
Judy: [sarcastically] Is he the reason you didn't wanna play?
Sarah: [scoffs] You didn't want to play either, Mr. We-Started-Something-26-Years-Ago-And-Now-We've-Gotta-Finish-It?

Alan: Play the game, Sarah.
Sarah: [whispering] Oh, no, no, no.
Alan: All right. Just give me the dice, and you can go home. You don't have to play.
Sarah: Oh, thank you.
[Sarah gives Alan the dice but moves his hand making Sarah roll as Alan laughs; Sarah loses it]
Sarah: Oh, my god! How could you do that?
Alan: It's the law of the jungle, Sarah. You'll get used to it.
Sarah: And I think of all the energy, I spent visualizing you as a radiant spirit.

Rosie: And that's how my twelfth husband died. So, now I'm a widow. I mean, I've always been a black widow, but now I'm a black widow *widow*.

Laurel: [to Dorothy] Don't cry at the beginning of a date. Cry at the end, like I do.

Alan: Twenty-six years ago, you played a game with a little boy down the street. A game with drums.
Sarah: How do you know that?
Alan: I was that little boy, Sarah.
Sarah: [hushed] Alan...
[she falls over in a faint]
Peter: [to Alan] You killed her.

Kate: [referring to Hank] He's not a doorknob.
Jake: He irons his jeans, Mom.
Kate: Yeah that's weird.

Sarah: [Alan grabs her] Oh, get your hands off me!
Alan: The game is not over yet, Sarah!
Sarah: Well, it is for me! You are not in the jungle anymore. Stop this, you don't treat people like this!

Sarah: [reads] 'They grow much faster than bamboo / Take care or they'll come after you'.
[Jungle plants start to grow]
Alan: Oh, great...
Sarah: [whimpers] Oh, God, tell me this isn't happening!
Alan: Oh, it is.
[Alan, Sarah, Peter, and Jud huddle close to each other in the middle of the room]
Alan: Stay away from the walls; don't touch anything. No quick movements.

Kate: [seeing Nora making out with Hank on the couch in front of the family] Nora, sweetie, want to help me in the kitchen?
[after Nora doesn't respond, she claps]
Kate: NORA, STOP!
[Nora breaks away from Hank]
Kate: Yeah, uh huh.
Kate: Wanna help me in the kitchen? Get a pie, look at a picture of Grandma, say the rosary. Come on, kids. Here we go. Everybody out.

Sally: [Sees Fransisco on television] He's so good looking, what, with those big, open wheels...
Lightning: Wait, what do you got against fenders?
Sally: Nothing! Nothing.
Lightning: What's wrong with my fenders?

Tom: You were checking me out, weren't you?
Kate: Yes, I was. You got a problem with that?
Tom: Twelve kids later and we still got the heat.
Kate: Whoo!

[after Ray spills a box of toothpicks on the floor]
Raymond: 82, 82, 82.
Charlie: 82 what?
Raymond: Toothpicks.
Charlie: There's a lot more than 82 toothpicks, Ray.
Raymond: 246 total.
Charlie: How many?
Sally: 250.
Charlie: Pretty close.
Sally: There's four left in the box.

Tuck: You fired!
Roll: You fired!
Tuck: You fireeeeeed!
Rosie: [in disgust] Oh, will you *shut up*?
Tuck: Hey!
Roll: You fired!

[last lines]
Kate: [voiceover] I guess you could say that when Tom and I left Midland we had a mess of theories about how to raise children. We still have a mess of children, but no theories. Sure, 12 is still our number. It's the number of months my book was on the bestseller list. It's the number of job offers Tom turned down before we found one close to home. And each day it's the number of times I'm thankful there's such a thing as family.

Hunter: [leveling his gun at Alan] End of the line, Sonny Jim. Game's up. Start running.
Alan: [as Sarah runs into the room] No...
Hunter: Aren't you afraid?
Alan: I'm terrified. But my father says you should always face what you're afraid of.
Hunter: [chuckles] Good lad. You're finally acting like a man.
[aims his gun at Alan]
Hunter: Any last words?
Alan: [Alan looks down and notices his game piece moving to the end of the board, after which the word "Jumanji" appears, reads it quietly] Jumanji.
Hunter: Eh?
Alan: [slightly louder] Jumanji.
[Van Pelt cocks his gun]
Sarah: [runs to shield Alan] NO, ALAN! NO!

Sarah: Alan, you wrestled an alligator for me.
Alan: It was a crocodile. Alligators don't have that little fringe on their hind leg.
Sarah: My mistake.

Sarah: I thought I lost you again.
Alan: Thanks for sticking around this time.

Sarah: [reads] "Every month at the quarter moon / There'll be a monsoon in your lagoon."
[Thunderclouds appear and open up]
Sarah: Well, a little rain never hurt anybody.
Alan: Yeah, but a lot can kill you!

Peter: [in horror] Judy!
Judy: What?
Sarah: What happened?
Peter: I thought I could end the game myself. I was only ten spaces away.
Judy: [reads] "A law of Jumanji having been broken / You will slip back even more than your token."
Sarah: You tried to cheat?
Peter: No, I tried to drop the dice so they'd land on twelve.
Sarah: Oh, okay, honey. Well, that would be cheating.
Judy: [in terror] Peter, your hands! Look at your hands!
[Peter sees that he is growing monkey fur on his hands as a punishment]

Lightning: [as a crowd gathers around the television] Oh, it's the Italian Formula car. His name is...
Sally: [trilling the R's] Francesco Bernoulli. No wonder there's a crowd.
Lightning: Wait, why do you know his name? And don't say it like that. It's three syllables, not ten!

[after Bonnie returns home from school, Woody opens up and gets out of Bonnie's backpack]
Trixie: [gasps] He did go to kindergarten!
Mr. Potato Head: I knew it!
Woody: No, no, no, guys, listen...
Buttercup: You tryin' to get Bonnie in trouble?
Woody: No, of course not!
Dolly: You could have been confiscated!
Rex: What does that mean?
Hamm: Taken away.
Rex: [gasps] NO!
Jessie: Or worse. You could have been lost!

Kate: Put the kids on, let me talk to someone.
Tom: [huddled in the closet] Oh, well, they're studying, and it's the tri, trigo, trig stuff we aren't all that good at, and they've formed a study group, it's like a little Think Tank thing.
[an axe blade breaks through the door of the closet]
Tom: I... I'd just hate to break that up.
Kate: Okay, well, I gotta go honey, bye.
Tom: bye.
[hangs up]
Nigel: C'mon Dad, don't hide in the closet!
Kyle: Take it like a man!

Sarah: I have spent over 2,000 hours in therapy convincing myself that that doesn't exist. See, what happened to you was so awful I made up that whole thing.
Alan: Sarah, it was awful. It was awful. It was awful, it really was. But it was real. Real.
Sarah: No, no, no, it wasn't real, Alan. Your father murdered you and he chopped you up into little pieces.
Alan: Sarah, come on! My dad did that? My father could barely hug me, let alone cut me into little pieces.

Jake: Dude, two words: need new skates.
Kate: Dude, three words: paper route.

Rosie: Okay, come on everyone. Break a leg.
Flik: Whoa! You're vicious!

[Dorothy enters kitchen, catching Laurel eavesdropping]
Laurel: I heard.
Dorothy: No kidding. I looked over and saw the shadow of two curious shoes under the kitchen door.
Laurel: Dorothy, this guy would go home with a gardening tool if it showed interest.