The Best Neal Tanner Quotes

Neal: So how much did you lose, 60, 80 pounds?
Margaret: You always did know the right thing to say.

Neal: I have a million questions I wanna ask you.
ALF: I'm sure. Keep them to yourself, huh? Now, enough of this small talk. Let's get down to business. I understand you're quite the cook.
Neal: Do you eat like earthlings?
ALF: Do I eat like earthlings? Willie, tell him.
Willie: He eats. He doesn't chew.

Neal: Well, I traded in the camper and I put a deposit on an apartment not half a mile from here. I applied for a job and then I called up Margaret and when she answered the phone I hung up on her.

Neal: I'm being insulted by an alien from space.
Willie: Get used to it.

Brian: Hi, Uncle Neal. Why are you dressed like a bed?
Neal: ALF said it was a toga party.
ALF: Shoot! That was the call I was supposed to make.

Neal: This is going to take some time to sink in.

Neal: Well, my landlady happened to mention that she needs a new handyman. It pays zip and only covers half my rent... so naturally, I snapped at it.

Neal: You're afraid I'm gonna be a burden.

Neal: You know, Willie, it might not be so bad if you let ALF stay with me for a while. Give us a chance to get to know each other and Lord knows you two can use some time apart.
Willie: I don't think you really know what spending time with ALF can mean.
ALF: Willie, hey, don't make him beg. He's already agreed.
Willie: I guess I could talk Kate into it. But, uh, you're gonna need a reliable fire extinguisher and fresh batteries for your smoke detector. You gotta put 9-1-1 on speed dialing. Trust me, you'll need the time. Make out your will and other than that, hey, have fun.

Neal: I mean, don't get me wrong. He's a nice little guy. We've actually had some nice conversations. But I want him out of my house!

Kate: Why didn't you tell us you were coming?
Neal: Well, because the new Neal Tanner is spontaneous, impetuous.