Top 50 Quotes From Sherlock, Season 3, Episode 2

Dr. John Watson: I wanted you not to be dead!
Sherlock: Yeah, well, be careful what you wish for.

- I'm just going to whip this out.
- Mmm-hmm.
- You all right?
- Hmm?
- -Yeah, he's clueing. -what?
- He's... hmm?
- He's clueing for looks.

Sherlock: Neat, don't you think?
Anderson: Hm...
Sherlock: What?
Anderson: Not the way I'd have done it.

- My coat in there?
- Yes.
- Just going to take him out for a bit.
- Run him.
- I know.
- You said you'd find him a case.
- Coming, Sherlock?
- Coming.
- Taxi!

Mycroft: We have solid information, an attack is coming.
Sherlock: Solid information, a secret terrorist organization is planning an attack. That's what secret terrorist organizations do, isn't it? It's their version of golf.
Mycroft: An agent gave his life to tell us that.
Sherlock: Oh, well, perhaps he shouldn't have done. He was obviously just trying to show off.

Dr. John Watson: [with a time bomb ticking] So what do we do?
Sherlock: I've no idea.
Dr. John Watson: Well, think of something.
Sherlock: Why do you think I know what to do?
Dr. John Watson: Because you're Sherlock Holmes, you're as clever as it gets.
Sherlock: It doesn't mean I know how to diffuse a giant bomb. What about you?
Dr. John Watson: I wasn't in bomb disposal, I'm a bloody doctor.
Sherlock: And a soldier, as you keep reminding us all.
Dr. John Watson: Can't-Can't we... rip their timer off or something?
Sherlock: But that would set it off.
Dr. John Watson: You see? You know things!

Anderson: I believe in Sherlock Holmes.
DI: Yeah, well, that won't bring him back.

Dr. John Watson: [furious] Two years... Two years! Hmm... I thought. Mm... I thought... you were dead. Hmm?... Now, you let me grieve. Hmm?... How could you do that?... How?
Sherlock: Wait, before you do anything that you might regret, um, one question, just let me ask one question...
[laughing at John's moustache]
Sherlock: Are you really gonna keep that?

Sherlock: And what about John Watson?
Mycroft: John?
Sherlock: Mm. Have you seen him?
Mycroft: [sarcastically] Oh, yes, we meet up every Friday for fish and chips.

- So, in fact...
- You-you mean...
- Yes.
- I'm your... best...
- Man.
- Friend?
- Yeah, of course you are.
- Course you're my best friend.

Sherlock: I didn't know you spoke Serbian.
Mycroft: I didn't. But the language has a Slavic root. Frequent Turkish and German loan-words. Took me a couple of hours.
Sherlock: Hmm, you're slipping.

- Get up, I'm going to put you two in a taxi.
- Managed to square things with the desk sergeant.
- What a couple of lightweights.
- You couldn't even make it to closing time.
- Can you whisper?
- -[Shouting] Not really!
- Come on.

- Oh, it's nice.
- Nice place.
- See anything?
- Hmm?
- Any clues, mr Holmes?
- Oh, er...

- Sherlock, the showing-off thing, we've discussed it before.
- There is always a man at a wedding who is not in any photograph, who can go anywhere, even carry an equipment bag around with him if he likes.
- And you never even see his face.
- You only ever see...

Mycroft: If you seem slow to me, Sherlock, can you imagine what real people are like? I'm living in a world of goldfish.
Sherlock: Yes, but I've been away for two years.
Mycroft: So?
Sherlock: Oh, I don't know. I thought, perhaps, you might have found yourself a... goldfish.

- no more than three planned social encounters a year and always in John's presence.
- I have your contact details.
- I will be monitoring.
- They're right about you.
- You're a bloody psychopath.
- High-functioning sociopath.
- With your number.

- Could be any second.
- You have control of the room.
- Ah, yes, raising glasses and standing up.
- Very good, thank you.
- Don't lose it.
- And down again.

Dr. John Watson: [seeing a couple scooted from the room] Clients?
Sherlock: Just my parents.
Dr. John Watson: Your parents?
Sherlock: In town for a few days.
Dr. John Watson: *Your* parents?
Sherlock: Mycroft promised to take them to a matinee of Les Mis. Tried to talk me into doing it.
Dr. John Watson: Those were your parents?
Sherlock: Yes.
Dr. John Watson: Well. *That* is not what I...
Sherlock: What?
Dr. John Watson: I-I mean, they're... just... so... ordinary.
Sherlock: It's a cross I have to bear.

Molly: We met through friends, old-fashioned way. He's nice, we... He's got a dog, we... We go to the pub on weekends and, he, I've met his mum and dad and his friends and all his family. I've no idea why I'm telling you any of this.
Sherlock: I hope you'll be very happy, Molly Hooper. You deserve it.
[pause]
Sherlock: After all, not all the men you fall for can turn out to be sociopaths.
Molly: No?
Sherlock: No.
[kisses Molly on the check and walks away]
Molly: [to herself] Maybe it's just my type.

Mrs. Hudson: Sherlock?
Sherlock: Mm?
Mrs. Hudson: Talk to John.
Sherlock: I tried talking to him. He made his position quite clear.
Dr. John Watson: [John is in his office examining a patient with an undescended testicle. He lifts a middle finger] Just relax, Mr Summerson.
Mrs. Hudson: What did he say?
Sherlock: F...
Dr. John Watson: [feeling his patient's testicles] Cough.
Mrs. Hudson: Oh, dear.

Sherlock: Fancy some chips?
Molly: What?
Sherlock: I know a fantastic fish shop just off the Marylebone Road, the owner always gives me extra portions.
Molly: Did you get him off a murder charge?
Sherlock: No, I helped him put up some shelves.

[discussing John's mustache]
Mrs. Hudson: ages you.
Dr. John Watson: Just trying it out.
Mrs. Hudson: Well, it ages you.

- Oh, hello again, Archie.
- What's your theory?
- Get this right and there's a headless nun in it for you.
- The invisible man could do it.
- The who, the what, the when, the why, the where?
- The invisible man with the invisible knife, the one who tried to kill the guardsman.

Mr. Harcourt: Well, absolutely no one should have been able to empty that bank account other than myself and Helen.
Sherlock: Why didn't you assume it was your wife?
Mr. Harcourt: Because I've always had total faith in her.
Sherlock: No, it's because you emptied it.
[points at him]
Sherlock: Weight loss, hair dye, Botox, affair.
[whips out a business card, he holds it out to Mrs Harcourt]
Sherlock: Lawyer. Next!

- John: [Mumbling]
- Yeah, I'll be there if you want...
- John, wake up.
- Meant to... [Snaps fingers]
- You... the game is something...
- -Oh.
- Yeah, that, that.
- Woman: Okay.

Torturer: [speaking in Serbian] You broke in here for a reason. Just tell us why and you can sleep. Remember sleep? Huh?... What?
[the captive whispers in his ear]
Mycroft: [In disguise] Well? What did he say?
Torturer: He said that I used to work in the Navy, where I had an unhappy love affair.
Mycroft: What?
Torturer: That the electricity isn't working in my bathroom... and that my wife is sleeping with our next door neighbor. The coffin maker... and... if I go home now, I'll catch them at it. I knew it! I knew there was something going on!
[Runs out of the interrogation room]

- John says he's the most unsociable man he's ever met.
- He is? He's the most unsociable?
- Mmm.
- Ah, that's why he's bouncing around him like a puppy.
- Oh, Sherlock.
- Neither of us were the first, you know.
- Stop smiling.
- It's my wedding day.

- -Eh?
- Nothing. Go.
- How long?
- Sorry?
- Your visit.
- If you could estimate approximate volume discharge...
- Stop talking now.
- Quick, one more. He mustn't see.

Anderson: [after Laura details a conspiracy plot involving Holmes and Moriarty being in love] *What*? Are you out of your mind?
Laura: I don't see why not. It's just as plausible as some of your theories.
Anderson: Look, if you're not going to take it seriously, Laura, you can...
Laura: I do take it seriously. I don't think we should wear hats.
Anderson: I founded the Empty Hearse so like-minded people could meet, discuss theories... Sherlock's still out there. I'm convinced of it.
[the television suddenly breaks the news of Sherlock's reappearance]
Laura: Oh, my God. Oh... my... God!

Howard: [to Sherlock] The train never stops and a man vanishes. Good, innit?

- It's not me you should be arresting, mr Holmes.
- Oh, I don't do the arresting,
- I just farm that out.
- Sholto, he's the killer, not me.
- I should have killed him quicker.
- I shouldn't have tried to be clever.
- You should have driven faster.

- I want you to calculate
- John's ideal intake and mine to remain in the sweet spot the whole evening.
- Lightheaded good.
- Urinating in wardrobes bad.
- Hmm.
- Two, er, beers, please.
- -Pints?
- 443.7 millilitres.

- worked his way through sholto's staff, found what he needed.
- An invitation to a wedding.
- The one time sholto would have to be out in public.
- So, he made his plan and rehearsed the murder, making sure of every last detail.

- Right turn!
- We're here to see private Steven bainbridge.
- He's on duty right now, sir.
- I'll certainly let him know when he's free.
- And when will that be?
- Another hour.

- John?
- Oh, Sherlock.
- Did I do it wrong?
- No, you didn't. Come here.
- I haven't finished yet.
- Yeah, I know. I know.
- So onto some funny stories...
- Can you wait till I sit down?

- This is a famous detective.
- It's Sherlock Holmes and his partner, John Hamish Watson.
- What do you think you're doing?
- Don't compromise the integrity of the...
- Crime scene.
- Yeah, that.

Mycroft: I'm not lonely, Sherlock.
Sherlock: How would you know?

- What's she talking about?
- Get your wife under control.
- John: She's right.
- Oh, you've changed.
- No, she is. Shut up.
- You are not a puzzle solver, you never have been.
- You're a drama queen. Now, there is a man in there about to die, the game is on, solve it!

Mrs. Hudson: Oh, I'm really pleased, Mary. Have you set a date?
Mary: Uh, well, we thought May.
Mrs. Hudson: Ah, a spring wedding.
Mary: Yeah. Well, once we've actually got engaged.
Dr. John Watson: Yeah.
Mary: We were interrupted last time.
Dr. John Watson: Yeah.
DI: Well, I can't wait.
Mary: You will be there, Sherlock?
Sherlock: Weddings - not really my thing.

- Of course one should but not atjohn's wedding!
- We wouldn't do that, would we, you and me?
- We would never do that to John Watson.
- I'm going to break it down.
- Wait, wait, you won't have to.
- I believe I am in need of medical attention.
- I believe I'm your doctor.

Sherlock: No, I prefer my doctors clean-shaven.
Dr. John Watson: That's not a sentence you hear every day.

- Or you. Not you. Not you.
- Not you. Not you.
- Not you. Not you.
- Hi.
- Gail.
- Charlotte.
- Robyn.
- Vicky.

Dr. John Watson: Mind palace!
Sherlock: Hmm?
Dr. John Watson: Use your mind palace!
Sherlock: How will that help?
Dr. John Watson: You've salted away every fact under the sun!
Sherlock: Oh, what, and you think I've just got "how to defuse a bomb" tucked away in there somewhere?
Dr. John Watson: *Yes*!
Sherlock: ...maybe.

- So sad.
- Mmm. Anyway, you've got things to do.
- No, not really.
- I've got plenty of time...
- -Biscuits! -[Gasps]
- I really am going to have a word with your mother.
- You can if you like, she understands very little.

- Right, then.
- Into battle.

- And I can't even remember what for.
- It's...
- Crime, something like that.
- What are you doing back?
- I thought you were going to be out late?
Sherlock: Ah, hudders. What time is it?
- You've only been out two hours.

- Captain John Watson, fifth northumberland fusiliers...
- Retired.
- You could be a used car salesman now, for alll know.
- -[Shower running]
- Bainbridge?
- Gentleman here to see you.
- Bainbridge!

Dr. John Watson: Well, uh, surprise me.
Sherlock: I'm certainly endeavoring to, sir.

- A bigger adventure.
- Ladies and gentlemen, pray charge your glasses and be upstanding.
- Today begin the adventures of Mary Elizabeth Watson and John Hamish Watson.
- The two reasons why every single one of us is...

- It was purely physical between me and frank.
- We couldn't keep our hands off each other.
- And, um, there was one night...
- Oh, is that Sherlock?
- Is it?
- No, it's Sherlock.