The Best Tammé Dawson Quotes

[the ladies enter the costume room. Tammé puts on a white fur coat]
Tammé: Now this I can get used to.
Sebastian: Play around. Try on everything. Okay, maybe these could help inspire you in your wrestling personas.
Rhonda: Ooh.
Sebastian: That's right. Your wrestling personas.
Tammé: And would Madame Xenothrob, the slaver-pimp, wear fur?
Sebastian: Is that what the fur's telling you? Go with what feels right.
Tammé: Yes.
Rhonda: [wearing astronaut helmet] Look, I'm a beekeeper.
Sebastian: Hmm.
[Bash notices Carmen wearing a hockey mask]
Sebastian: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Why so Friday the 13th, huh?
Carmen: I'm a heel. I'm the evil Ogress. I gotta find something that'll scare the kids.
Sebastian: [removes mask] No, no, no. Kids are gonna love you. You're not a serial killer. Look at this face, huh? Look at that smile. You're smiling all the time. No, we need... We need bright colors, fun. Oh, here. Here, try this on.
[Sam grabs a hat]
Sebastian: Here. I got this after I dropped acid and hiked up Machu Picchu.
[Carmen puts on the hat]
Sebastian: Here we go!
Melanie: I really thought I was gonna like this. I thought I was gonna like... 'Oh, Bob Mackie! I need that!'. But it's like, I don't even know who this is. It's a stranger...
Sebastian: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. We just gotta strip you down to your essence here.
Melanie: Naked already?
[Bash grabs a whip and gives it to Melrose]
Melanie: Wow. You see me.

Sam: As my Aunt Jeanette used to say: 'This nursing home is a waiting room of hell.' And these two old bats are straight out of it. Clack your dentures together for Ethel and Edna, the Beatdown Biddies.
[Dawn and Stacey approach the ring wearing Ku Klux Klan outfits]
Dawn: White Power! White Power!
Dawn: Segregation forever!
Sam: What the fuck is happening?
Keith: Unh-unh. No. That's not appropriate. That's not right. You can't come in there with that on. Come in here wearing sheets?
Sam: Ladies and gentlemen, this is some inappropriate social satire. I don't know what to say.
[Cherry and Tammé approach the ring]
Cherry: Someone needs to teach these Casper-looking racist idiots a lesson.
Tammé: Yeah, I might be a Welfare Queen, but I don't tolerate no bigots!
[Tammé slides in the ring, chasing Dawn and Stacey]
Keith: Save it for the match. Come on. Save it.

[Sam snorts some cocaine, then looks at Sheila]
Sam: Am I good?
Sheila the She Wolf: Yeah.
[Bash, wearing an Elvis jumpsuit, comes downstairs with the other ladies]
Sebastian: Ladies and gentlemen! Introducing the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling! Yes! Yes! Glorified, get in here. Get in here.
[Bash notices Rhonda carrying an Uzi]
Sebastian: Whoa, a gun! Cool!
Sam: What the fuck is this?
Sebastian: Costumes, characters.
[Sam looks at Tammé]
Sam: You look ridiculous.
Tammé: This is my new character, Sam. I'm not a pimp. I'm a queen.
Sebastian: We're exploring some ideas.
Sam: We don't need new ideas! I have ideas!
Sebastian: Sam, your ideas are so complicated. Okay.
[points at Melrose]
Sebastian: Check this chick out, right? This is clear. She's a sexy party girl. And she's a ripoff of Madonna, who is so huge right now.
Melanie: What?
Sebastian: And this one.
[points at Jenny]
Sebastian: She walks into the ring. There's no backstories or dialogue about where she came from. You look at her, what's the first thing that jumps out at you?
Rhonda: Her eyes.
Jenny: Aw!
Sebastian: Bingo! She's oriental!
Sebastian: [points at Reggie] You're a jock.
[points at Arthie]
Sebastian: You're an Arab.
[points at Tammé]
Sebastian: You're a big black girl.
Tammé: The fuck you say?
Sebastian: It's not a judgment. It's just what I and the entire world see with our eyes. And in wrestling, that is the foundation upon which we need to build.

Tammé: Seriously?
Cherry: In the past six weeks you've known me, you ever hear me tell a joke?
Tammé: Not on purpose. What did Sam say?
Cherry: Sam wants us to fight two old white ladies. Think how that's gonna look. A rapper and a welfare queen abusing the elderly?
Tammé: When you put it that way...
Cherry: We do my version, we're empowered. We're the heroes. We're like Pam Grier times two. And I used to double her, so I'd know, okay? Unless you wanna spend the next three weeks in a La-Z-Boy hollering about some food stamps.
Tammé: Do you think they'll do it?
Cherry: Do you not see what I see?
[Cherry points at Dawn and Stacey slamming themselves on the wall]
Cherry: You doing great, girls.

Ruth: Hey, Tammé, you're on.
Tammé: I'll be there in a second.
Ruth: [Ruth notices the ladies watching the Challenger disaster replay on TV] What is that?
Sheila the She: The Florida coast. We're just staring at the water where they crashed.
Carmen: I feel like if we keep watching, something might change.
Melanie: Ugh, this is like when my grandma was in a coma. We all just sat there, like sitting was gonna do something.
Cherry: Sometimes it does.
Melanie: Um, it didn't. She loved to keep people waiting.
Carmen: [Jenny enters the dressing room with some lit incense sticks and a bowl of ash and places them on the table] Jenny, there are no windows in here.
Jenny: Well, if there were, it'd be much easier to let out the bad energy.
Melanie: Well, if there were, it'd be much easier to let out the bad energy.
Jenny: I'm not. But my aunt once got into this really big car accident, and my dad said it was because our living room was painted purple.
[Jenny looks at Melrose, whose outfit is purple]

Tammé: Hot damn, I made the list!
Melanie: Everyone made the list, Tammé. It's a lineup.
Tammé: [noticing she's teaming up with Cherry against Dawn and Stacey] Our names are together, fighting the Beatdown Biddies. I guess that means we're a team now.
Cherry: I wonder why.
Rhonda: Oh, mine has got a star next to it. 'Cause I'm bright, like a star.
Carmen: I think that means you're supposed to win the match.
Rhonda: Oh, so, um, I'm a star and a winner.
Melanie: Oh, yep.
[the ladies leave while Ruth and Debbie look at the lineup]
Ruth: Well, guess it's official.
Debbie: Yeah. They spelled your name wrong.

Sam: All right, where's my real actress? Where's Strindberg?
Ruth: [raises hand] Oh, here!
Sam: Mm-hmm.
Sam: Know any good party tricks?
Ruth: Um... I can do, um... Audrey Hepburn winning an Oscar for Roman Holiday.
Sam: Hmm.
Ruth: [imitating Audrey Hepburn] I am truly, truly grateful... and terribly happy.
Sam: Very winsome.
Ruth: Yeah.
Sam: Where's your friend?
Ruth: Oh. Um... who?
Sam: You know, that smoking hot blonde who kicked your ass the other day. Where's she? How come she's not here?
Ruth: She's probably at home in Pasadena with her baby.
Sam: Why isn't she here?
Ruth: She's not supposed to be here. She wasn't auditioning.
Tammé: Yeah, she just came to stomp the homewrecker.
[silence]
Ruth: Oh! Oh... I see what happened. You all thought that was real, didn't you? No, we planned that.
Jenny: Oh my gosh, of course! This makes total sense. She's on a soap.
Sam: [looking at Ruth] You're on a soap?
Jenny: No. No no. Not her, the pretty one. The one who slapped her. She's Laura Morgan on Paradise Cove. Until... Until... she had to have reconstructive surgery after a year-long coma.
Ruth: Also known as getting written off the show. But I love her, she's great.
Sam: Wait, what's her name?
Jenny: Debbie Eagan. She was also in one episode of Murder, She Wrote. I watch a lot of Murder, she wrote and Wheel of Fortune, TV in general.
Cherry: Are you done? 'Cause some of us like to work.

Bash: Welcome back to the second half of our show, ladies and gentlemen. From the South Side of Chicago, and the Ubamba Province of Peru, respectively, Welfare Queen and Machu Picchu!
[Carmen nervously takes off her hat, then trembles as she sees Tammé approach her]
Tammé: Smells like donkey doo in here. Mm!
Bash: Looks like Machu's got, uh... just a touch of the infamous Peruvian jungle fever. Will she recover in time to fight, uh, Welfare Queen... this liberal leech, this, uh, parasite on our economy?
Goliath: Machu! Machu! Machu! Machu! Machu! Machu!
[crowd chants with Goliath]
Bash: And the crowd is chanting. Machu! Machu! Machu! Machu!
[Carmen regains her confidence and charges at Tammé]
Bash: I can't believe it! The fever has broken, and Machu grabs Welfare Queen!
[Carmen misses Tammé, and Tammé splashes her]
Bash: Welfare Queen is pulling something out of her costume. What is that? Is that...? It's food stamps!
Tammé: I get so much money from the government, I just throw it away!
[Tammé shoves the food stamps in Carmen's mouth]
Bash: Oh, my goodness! She is literally shoving her socialist welfare policy down Machu's throat!
[Tammé grabs Carmen in a sleeper hold]
Tammé: Y'all afraid of me, right? Do you believe what President Reagan says? That I'm cheating the system?
Bash: I think Welfare Queen is trying to bore Machu into submission. And it's working!
[Carmen gets up and reverses the sleeper hold into a stunner, sending Tammé to one corner before Carmen splashes her. She kicks Tammé and places her in a headlock]
Carmen: Come on! Come on!
[Tammé reverses the move into a spinebuster]
Bash: She's down! Machu needs to get up, or this fight is over.
[Carmen looks at Goliath from the crowd]
Goliath: Come on. You got this!
[Carmen grabs Tammé from the second rope and powerbombs her]
Bash: And she finished her off with a powerbomb! Unbelievable! The Incan giant has won! Goodness prevails! Justice has been restored! Yes!

[Tammé walks into Sam's office, as Sam is nursing a bruised cheek from being slapped by Goliath Jackson]
Sam: Don't judge.
Tammé: I'm not. I brought you more ice.
[Tammé hands him a can of soda]
Sam: That guy had a hundred pounds on me. He fights for a living. Wasn't fair.
[Sam places can on his cheek]
Sam: Why'd you bring me more ice? What do you want?
Tammé: I have some concerns about my character.
Sam: [sits up] Welfare Queen.
Tammé: [sits down] It's offensive.
Sam: That's the genius of it. It's commentary on an existing stereotype. It's sort of a 'fuck you' to the Republican party, and their welfare program, and their race-baiting shit.
Tammé: Yeah, but would other people know that?
Sam: Like who?
Tammé: My son. He goes to Stanford.
Sam: Fancy.
Tammé: And I don't want him turning on the TV and... getting upset. It's not that I do not want this job. I do.
Sam: What? You've never had a role you've been uncomfortable in before?
Tammé: Sam, I've never had any role before. I mean, I've only done background work. Some lines on Scarecrow and Mrs. King and Gimme a Break.
Sam: Well, that's the problem. That's middle-of-the-road shit. It's safe. You see, me? I like to push the envelope. I like to jolt people into consciousness. Like, like my first feature credit.
[Sam gets up and grabs a basket of videotapes]
Sam: 'Swamp Maidens of the Viet Cong'. Watch it. This one, 'Gina the Machina'. This thing? So offensive, it was banned in 49 States. Pretty proud of that.
[pulls out more tapes]
Sam: Oh, look at these. 'Couch of Pain', 'Blood Disco', 'Blood Disco 2'. You should watch these. I mean, bring them back, but, you know, take them, maybe make notes. I think there's a lot of inspiration there.
Tammé: Okay.

[Debbie storms into the gym, carrying Randy with her]
Debbie: You fucking bitch! Oh, you fucking cunt! I should fucking kill you!
Ruth: Debbie, what are you doing here?
Debbie: Don't play dumb, homewrecker! Husband-fucker!
Ruth: Hold on, hold on, hold on! Wait, wait, wait!
Debbie: Did you sleep with Mark?
Ruth: Don't make me answer that.
[Tammé approaches Debbie]
Tammé: Do you want me to take him for you?
Debbie: Yes. Thank you.
[Debbie hands Randy to Tammé before looking back at Ruth]
Debbie: I wanna hear you say it.
Ruth: Uh...
[nods]
Debbie: [slides into the ring] What the fuck kind of friend are you?
Ruth: I don't love him!
Debbie: What? Oh my God, of course you don't love him! You don't love anyone!
Ruth: I know! I fucked up! You think I don't know that?
[Debbie corners Ruth]
Debbie: How long? How long were you two... What? While I was pregnant?
Ruth: No! God, no! It was one time!
Debbie: Oh, what? What about the other night? That doesn't fucking count? Mark told me the whole fucking thing!
Ruth: I know. I told you, I fucked up!
[Debbie slaps Ruth]

Bash: I'd like to toast my mother for organizing all this.
Birdie: Aw.
Bash: But before I bring her up here, I'd like to... bring up some other... powerful, equally admirable women. Women who have struggled with drug addiction. Women who have found that, showing up at a gym every day, to learn how to wrestle, has kept them sober. These are the women of WAD. Wrestlers Against Drugs. They've come here tonight to share their stories. If you're moved to support them, please, open your hearts, and your checkbooks. Thank you.
Birdie: For the love of God.
Carmen: My low point came two months ago, when I woke up on a bench at the mall, naked... and high.
Reggie: Then I spent all my money on... the crack.
Tammé: So my husband said, 'It's either me, or the crack.' I chose the crack.
Stacey: Crack should be my middle name. And also my first and my last name.
Rhonda: Eggs, bacon, bangers and mash, toast, Marmite, and crack.
Melanie: I went to three rehabs. Uh, Hazelden was the best one, so, you know, you guys know... Now, if you have, like, a... If you have a fucked-up kid or whatever. Also, I did a lot of crack.
Jenny: [speaking in Cambodian] ... crack!
Birdie: Tell the girls to stop talking and introduce me.
Bash: No, wait. Last one, last one.
Ruth: I've... made a lot of terrible decisions. Some of them I don't even remember.
[pause]
Ruth: I hit rock bottom when I slept with my friend's husband. I was really wasted at the time. But... the second time, I wasn't. I knew what I was doing. I was sober and insecure, and I think I was acting out of this deep well of resentment. I didn't even know I had and it was just... buried. And then every... It all came out, and... fucked up a real friendship.
[pause]
Ruth: But then, I found wrestling... and it saved me. Coming to the gym every day, seeing... these women struggle... to use their bodies and... learn something new, and we did! And it's a better feeling than drugs. Crack, specifically.
[Bash gives a thumbs up]

[Melrose, Sheila, and Tammé approach moviegoers at the Hollywood Palladium]
Melanie: All right. Guys, you guys! All right, who wants to make ten bucks? Huh?
Tammé: Who here likes women's wrestling? Ten dollars, and all you have to do is sit in there.
Melanie: Fuck this time travel shit, okay? This movie's sold out till the midnight showing, anyways.
Dude: W-what are you?
Sheila the She: We're the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling. If you wanna see more, you're gonna have to take this money and meet me across the street at the Hayworth.

[as Debbie puts on the GLOW Crown, Tammé slides in the ring and grabs it from her. She then grabs the mic]
Tammé: You want this crown back? You fight me for it!
Debbie: Tammé, it's fine. It's over.
Tammé: Guess not. Sam changed it.
[faces the crowd]
Tammé: America, you have turned your back on me long enough! You've ghettoized my people, trapped us in an endless cycle of poverty. Not anymore. Tonight, I take back what I deserve!
[Tammé grabs Debbie in an airplane spin]
Bash: It's all gone topsy-turvy, folks! Welfare Queen's stolen the Crown, and she's helicoptering Liberty Belle! I'm just saying that I'm seeing, and I can't believe what I'm seeing!
[Tammé slams Debbie down and shoves Bash out of the ring]
Bash: And the ref's ready to call it! We've got a new champion! I don't know how it happened, but here we are, folks!
Debbie: What the fuck?
Bash: Welfare Queen is tonight's Queen of the Ring! The Crown is hers!
[the other ladies enter the ring and brawl with each other]
Bash: That's our show, folks! That's all we got. Total pandemonium here at the Hayworth! Who will battle Welfare Queen for next week's Crown?

Tammé: Y'all stupid for going to work every day and paying taxes. I let the government pay for all of my shit, and I lives like a queen. A Welfare Queen.
Sebastian: [looks at Sam] This is like half my brain, half your brain. She's our masterpiece.

Earnest: Mom, I'm worried this director is taking advantage of you.
Tammé: He's not. You don't understand, it's a wrestling show. I'm not the only offensive character. Everyone's offensive.

[the ladies enter the Hayworth ballroom and notice the ring and seats]
Melanie: Holy shit. Okay, this is real. There are cameras.
Dawn: Does anyone else feel the need to pee and puke at the same time?
Stacey: Yeah.
Tammé: How are we gonna fill all these seats?
Bash: Oh, hey, ladies.
[Bash crawls in the ring]
Bash: What do you think, huh? Me and Florian and some of the bellhops have been working on it all morning. Check this out.
[Bash grabs the microphone]
Bash: Are you ready to rumble?
[loud feedback from mic]
Bash: Check.
Ruth: We gotta deal with that mic. Sheila?
Sheila the She: Yep. Sound. I'm on it.
[Sheila approaches the ring]
Bruce: Uh, hey, is the director around? We gotta position these tripods.
Ruth: Oh, no. No, no, no, no no. No tripods. Sorry.
Arturo: The network said they want to keep it simple.
Ruth: Well, the director's going for something a little, uh... different, you know? Uh, he wants the shots to feel... visceral.
Bruce: So, handheld.
Ruth: Yes, exactly. Move around with us, uh, pace the perimeter of the ring, both of you.
Bruce: Look, if we're both on the perimeter of the ring, you're gonna see at least one of us in every shot.
Ruth: You'll figure it out.

[Main event promo]
Tammé: [holding a KFC bucket] I call this the Liberty Belle Special, 'cause it's all white meat, and I found it in the trash!
Debbie: Welfare Queen's nothing but a big phony. I know it, you know it, and she knows it.
Tammé: That toothpick with ta-tas can't take me down.
Debbie: Welfare Queen needs to stop being such a chicken, and fight me.
[makes a chicken sound]
Tammé: She's calling me a chicken?
[Liberty Belle continues to make chicken sounds]
Tammé: Well, cluck cluck, baby! This chicken's about to lay all her eggs!
Debbie: That's my crown! She stole it. And I want it back.
Tammé: I'll see your redneck ass in the ring next week, Liberty Belle!
Debbie: You will face me.
Tammé: You...
[removes fur coat]
Tammé: ... and me! Yeah huh!

Tammé: And if I've learned one thing, if you want to be respected, you've got to make yourself useful. Unless you're a white man: then you just have to show up, and wait around, and eventually get promoted.