The Best Walter White, Jr. Quotes

Walter: So how does it feel to be old?
Walter H. White: How does it feel to be a smart-ass?

Walter: Hey, I want a beer.
Hank: Yeah. I want Shania Twain to give me a tuggy. Guess what. It ain't happening either.

Skyler: When you decide to grow up, you can have it back.
Walter: Why don't you grow up, Mom?

Walter: I don't know what your problem is. You may not love him anymore, but i do. I mean, why you gotta be...? Why you gotta be such a bitch?

Walter: Everybody knows who Pablo Escobar is but nobody knows about the guys that brought him down.
Walter H. White: I guess I never thought about it.
Walter: He said that good guys never get ink like the bad guys do.

Walter: You can keep talking about me now.

Walter: You're crazy! My car almost has 500 horsepower. It would totally smoke...
Walter: Horsepower isn't everything. Don't you know that? You have to factor in drag and torque and suspension and weight of the car. And listen, one more factor that you're not thinking about... The experience of the driver. And I totally got you there. I got you there.
Walter: Please. Please. You drive... You drive like a geezer.
Walter: Oh, I... Really? I drive like a gee... Tell me, can a geezer do donuts? I don't think so.
Walter: Bullshit you ever did donuts.

Hank: Anyway, how about your dad here? That there's a good story, Walt. Tell him how you met Skyler.
Walter: Mom was a waitress in Los Alamos, and dad said that thing to you.
Walter: [as he talks, Skyler begins crying to herself] Well, actually, your mother wasn't a-a waitress; it was a summer job, and, um, she was the hostess, and she also worked the cash register. And I used to go in there a lot because it was close enough to the lab where I could ride my bicycle, you know? And once I noticed her, it got to be so that I would only go in when I knew she was working. When it was slow, she would lean against the counter, doing her crossword puzzles, but-but kind of hiding it. Right? Pretending that she was still working, and once I caught on to that, I would do crossword puzzles while I ate my grilled cheese sandwich. It got so that every day at lunch, we would both be doing the New York Times crossword puzzle ten feet from each other. And, uh... eventually, I caught her looking over at me, so I began saying "Excuse me, um, 14 across, seven-letter word for whatchamacallit. Uh, may I ask what... what you wrote down?". And, uh, well, that got us talking, and, uh... well, I tell you, I was... I was terrible at those puzzles. I don't think that I finished even one of them. But your mother would do them in ink.
Hank: Very smooth. I bet you didn't think your old man had it in him, huh? But that's what I'm talking about. That's persistence, you see? Once you set your cap for something, or somebody, you gotta just, you know...
[noticing Skyler sobbing]
Hank: Whoa. Skyler.
Walter: Mom, a-are you all right?
Marie: Hey, hey. Shh. Honey, it's okay. What's the matter? What is it?
Skyler: [standing to leave, she gestures to Walter] Ask him.

Walter: Um, excuse me, hey, um... we forgot our IDs, and we were wondering if you could do us a favor and buy us a six-pack?
Off: You know, what you're asking is illegal.
Walter: Um... no, it's not.
Off: [flashing his badge] Yeah, it is.
Walter: [his friends run away] Oh, shit.

Walter: Um, dad, notice anything?
Walter: [seeing Skyler dressed for work] Oh. Is there a funeral today?
Skyler: A funeral?
Walter: Well...
Skyler: Oh, Christ, do I look that bad?
Walter: No, no, no. It...
Walter: M-Mom got a job.
Walter: A job? Why?
Skyler: Well, do I need to get out the checkbook and show you?

Walter: You know who might've done it?
Walter: I have no idea.
Walter: Here's what I think: You ID them, and then together, you and I put a bag over their heads, we tie 'em up, drag them way out into the desert, strip 'em naked, bury them way up into their necks in a huge mound of fire ants. Saw it in an old western.

Walter: I didn't know you were allowed to touch the stove.
Walter H. White: Hilarious, Groucho.

Walter: How'd you get her to sleep so quick? Are you that boring?
Walter: I'm comforting. I'm a comforting presence.

Walter: I'm in the center lane going about 60, and I had no choice but to just tear butt out there. Just bwaaa! So sweet.

Hank: Somebody didn't like the way I've been spending my free time.
Walter: What? Minerals?

Walter: No.
Hank: What, are you kidding me? You look like a damn movie star, man. Girls gotta be lining up left and right. Tell him how good-looking he is.
Marie: He's adorable.
Hank: Well, he don't want to be freakin' adorable, he wants to be hot. Anyway, see what I'm talking about? That's female perspective.
Walter: She's supposed to say that.
Hank: Look, a guy doesn't got to look like, uh, you know, Charlton Heston - I'm talking Moses days - to get a girl, all right? You just gotta have confidence. Confidence and, uh... and persistence. Okay? That's what I'm talking about. I chased your Aunt Marie here all over creation. I mean, I kept bugging her for a date, she kept saying no. What, I asked you, like, 50 times?
Marie: Yeah, it was before they tightened the stalking laws.

Walter H. White: All right. Got one. Steely Dan.
Walter: Uh... no.
Walter H. White: Yes, absolutely. No, look... no, in terms of pure musicianship, I would put them up against any current band you can name.
Walter: You wouldn't know any current bands.
Walter H. White: [a car horn honks outside] That's beside the point.
Skyler: Have a good day, honey.
Walter: [standing to leave] You, too.
Walter H. White: Ah, Boz Scaggs. There's another one.
Walter: Whoever they are. Bye. Thanks for breakfast.
Skyler: Bye.
Walter H. White: You're welcome. Listen, tell Louis to drive carefully.
Walter: All right.
Walter H. White: Our son doesn't know who Boz Scaggs is. We have failed as parents.
Skyler: Come to think of it... I barely know who Boz Scaggs is.
Walter H. White: Stop it.

Walter: Dad's cooking breakfast.
Walter H. White: But don't worry. I'm also doing all the dishes.
[wafting the smell of pancakes at them]
Walter H. White: Mm. Huh? Huh? Yeah? Huh? Nice? Follow me. There's also orange juice and grapefruit juice, which, personally, as you know, I've never been a fan of. But considering all the polyphenols and the limonoids, can't hurt.
Skyler: Walt, you didn't have to do this.
Walter H. White: I wanted to.

Hank: Slow down.
Walter: Never.

Walter: Can you hear me? Do you understand?
Walter: You want to send me money?
Walter: Yes.
Walter: You killed Uncle Hank! You killed him! No what you did to mom, you asshole! You killed Uncle Hank! Just shut up! Just stop it! I don't want anything from you! I don't give a shit! Just leave us alone, you asshole! Why are you still alive? Just die already, just die!
[hangs up]

Walter: I want real bacon. Not this fake crap.
Skyler: Too bad. Eat it.
Walter: [makes "phew" sound] This smells like Band-Aids.
Skyler: Eat. It.

Skyler: Flynn, could you put your seatbelt on, please? Please, it's not safe.
Walter: You're shitting me right? If this is true, and you knew about it, then you're as bad as him.