The Best Count Scarlioni Quotes

Count: [to guard] Hold him here while I collect the instruments or torture. If he wags his tongue, confiscate it.
Doctor: Well, how can I talk if you confiscate...
Count: You can write, can't you?

Doctor: [speaking rapidly] Romana, hello, how are you? I see the Count roped you in as a lab assistant. What are you making for him? A model railway? Gallifreyan egg timer? I hope you're not making a time machine. I shall be very angry.
Count: Doctor, how very nice to see you again. Seems like only 474 years since we last met.

Doctor: If you're thinking of going back in time, you'd better forget it.
Count: And why do you say that?
Doctor: Well, because I'm going to stop you.
Count: No, on the contrary, Doctor, you're going to help me.
Doctor: I am?
Count: You are indeed. And if you do not, it'll be so much the worse for you, for this young lady, and for thousands of other people I could mention if I happened to have the Paris telephone directory on my person.

Doctor: I can't let you fool about with time.
Count: What else do YOU ever do?
Doctor: Ah, well, I'm a professional. I know what I'm doing.

Count: That Gainsborough didn't fetch enough. I think we'll have to sell one of the bibles.
Hermann: Sir?
Count: Yes. The Gutenberg.
Hermann: May I suggest we tread more carefully, sir? It would not be in our best interest to draw too much attention to ourselves. Another rash of priceless treasures on the market...
Count: Yes, I know, Herman, I know. Just sell it discreetly.
Hermann: Discreetly, sir? Sell a Gutenberg Bible discreetly?
Count: Well, as discreetly as possible. Just do it, will you?
Hermann: Yes, sir.

Duggan: You're mad. Insane. You're inhuman!
Count: Quite so. When I compare my race to yours, human, I take the word "inhuman" as a great compliment.

Countess: [referring to The Doctor] My dear, I don't think he's as stupid as he seems.
Count: My dear, nobody could be as stupid as he seems.

Count: The centuries that divide me shall be undone.

Count: How very curious. Two thieves enter the Louvre Gallery and come out with a bracel. Couldn't you think of anything more interesting to steal?
The: Well, I just thought it was awfully pretty. Terribly unusual design. Of course, it would have been much nicer to have stolen one of the pictures but I've tried that before and all sorts of alarms go off which disturbs the concentration.

Count: Time, Professor. It is all a matter of time.

The: [discussing the paintings] Can I ask you where you got these?
Count: No.
The: Or how you knew they were here?
Count: No.
The: They've been bricked up a long time.
Count: [smug smile] Yes.
The: I like consise answers.

Count: Just about to pop-off through time again, Doctor? How very discourteous when I'd gone through all the trouble of fetching the thumbscrews!