The Best Eileen Quotes

Rigby: Okay. Whoever makes this jump gets to choose lunch.
Eileen: You're on!
Rigby: [makes the jump] Ohhhhh! We're going to Wing Kingdom!
Benson: [entering living room] Rigby, did you clean out the gutters yet?
Rigby: No way. That's a two-man job.
Benson: Well, where's Mordecai?
Rigby: I dunno. I haven't seen him.
Eileen: Come to think of it, I haven't seen him since CJ dumped him at Muscle Man's wedding.
Benson: Yeah, no one has. He hasn't come to work for two weeks now. I tried calling, but he won't pick up.
Rigby: What? No, here. I'll call him.
Rigby: [finding Mordecai's cell phone under couch] Huh, that's not like Mordecai.
Benson: [frustrated] I can't believe this! You don't even know where your best friend is?
Rigby: [re: Eileen] Hey, I've been busy.
Benson: Look, I just concerned about the well-being about my employees as any park manager, but I've got a business to run in. If you don't find Mordecai and bring him back to work by tomorrow, then I'm gonna have to fire him.
Rigby: [shocked] What? Wait! I can find him.
Benson: Well for your sake I hope so, otherwise you'll be cleaning the gutters solo from now on.

Margaret: Wow, Eileen. I didn't know you were so handy.
Eileen: Yeah, I used to get lost in the woods a lot.
Margaret: When you were a kid?
Eileen: Last year. It was kind of a phase I was going through.

Eileen: [Atop a mountain] Woah, you guys were right! What an impressive vista.
C.J.: Yeah. Good call, guys!
Rigby: Good call is what I'm all about
Mordecai: Like that good call you made when you ate that sandwich off a sidewalk?
Rigby: Hey, the sidewalk adds flavor!
C.J.: So do portable toilets!
[laughs]
Rigby: Ohhh... Burn!

Rigby: [digging out socks from the drawer; annoyed] Come on Mordecai, give me a clue here.
Rigby: [answering his phone] Hello?
Eileen: [at her house] Hey, I checked from Margaret. She hasn't seen or heard from Mordecai.
Rigby: Yeah, his parents don't know where he is either.
Eileen: And I don't think he'll be hanging out with CJ anytime soon. Well, guess I'll start putting these flyers around town. Hopefully a hundred should be enough.
Rigby: Well, I'll be rifling through his personal stuff he doesn't like me touching. See ya.
Rigby: [flips a mattress and finds a postcard saying Greetings from dumptown U.S.A] Huh?
Rigby: [picks up postcard and reads] Dear Mordecai, stop wallowing in your lady woes and come have sodas...
Sad: [narrating note] ... With other single bros! There's a place with hot sandy beaches and an All You Can Eat buffet. So pick up your sax and jam with the crew in Dumptown U.S.A.! Signed, Sad Sax.
Rigby: [annoyed] Uh! Sad Sax Guy. I should have known! And Dumptown U.S.A.? That sounds so lame! I bet nobody's ever been to this place.
Benson: [overhearing] I have.

Mordecai: Yeah, I think that's a "Ursala Merger" right there.
[pointing at a constellation]
Mordecai: See like the handle and the ladle?
Eileen: It's called Ursa Major, not "Ursala Merger", and that's not even it, that's Orion.
[not looking up from her video game]
Rigby: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! And she didn't even have to look up!

Eileen: How are you so calm? The universe is ending!
The: It's not my universe that's ending, it's yours. It's a shame that I won't be able to watch it anymore. I've really grown quite fond of you all. Personally, I wish you had a bigger role, dear.

Eileen: Rigby, there's no way I'm buying that bed!
Rigby: [Riding a mattress/roller coaster] Aw, come on! It's the thrill you've always wanted in a bed!