Top 20 Quotes From Bob's Burgers

Bea: My son gave me a fancy phone, but I never remember to charge it.
Linda: I'm like that with toilets; I never remember to flush 'em.
Teddy: Yeah, technology, right?

Felix: Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go buy dove food! I'm guessing... tacos?... Or Dove bars?

Nat: I have to drop my lizards at the groomers.
Gene: Is that a euphemism?

Linda: So, you live nearby?
Bea: No, Connecticut.
Linda: Ooh, Connecticut! Did you know it's spelled "Connect-icut"? Weird, huh?
Bea: Uh, yeah.

Ms. Twitchell: Yes, Gene?
Gene: Uh, nothing! I just love Leos. DiCaprio, da Vinci... anyway, go on.

Tina: I thought this was going to be the first step to to a better life, but look at me now: I'm a dove killer hiding out in a park restroom! How's THAT gonna look on a college application?

Assembly: Come gather round, everyone, we're gonna tell you why college is cool and fun. It isn't just for squares who get good grades, it's for super-hip kids with skateboards and shades.
Tina: Damn, they're getting me excited about college.
Louise: Really?

[Over end credits]
Linda: What about Snail and Newt try stand-up? Oh, oh! Snail and Newt get fun haircuts - two tight perms. Snail and Newt go on tour with Guns N' Roses. Snail and Newt start a fight club, Snail and Newt go to Buffalo. Oh, Snail and Newt eat too much mac and cheese, and then they can't poop! Oh, Snail and Newt go to couples' counselling and they work it all out!

Ms. Padaro: OK, for the next two weeks, you are ancient Greeks, and you will sit in the round, as the Greeks did. Doesn't it feel more equal? More democratic? Well, guess who invented democracy.
Ollie: Miss America?
Andy: David Democracy?
Ollie: Santa Claus?

Gene: Did you find out what it sounds like when doves cry?
Bob: Yes; it's... unsettling...

Linda: I know I went overboard, it's just that I thought that if you could write a book, another book, we could be back on our bed, all - all snuggling and crying and laughing again, and maybe no-one has to grow up and leave and go to college. I know, it doesn't make sense, I know.
Bob: Lin, if it helps, I'm pretty sure at least two of our kids are gonna have to live at home for... a long time.

Bob: Oh, look, a blue jay! See it, Tina?
Tina: [Whimpering] Yes.
Bob: Maybe you want to write it in your book...?
Tina: [Still whimpering, writes] One blue jay, not ripped apart by a hawk because of me...

Jimmy: Seriously? It's April Fools Day? I thought that didn't come till, like, May...

Tina: I don't mean to be rude, but did you hear when I said it was bird o'clock? It's almost bird-thirty now, so...

Tina: Why do we have a bag of dead batteries?
Gene: 'Cause Mom says there's a special way to dispose of them but she never found out what it was, and if we're being honest, I don't think she ever will.

Louise: Huh. Look at Mr. Frond.
Gene: OK.
[He looks at Mr. Frond]
Gene: So far I hate this game.
Tina: Yeah, I sort of wish there was more to it.

Teddy: I LOVE novelty horns! My pickup's horn used to play "Tequila"... I got stopped for a lot of sobriety checks, but it was worth it! GREAT SONG!

Louise: I love how Mom will take on any authority figure at any time, under the slightest pretext!
Bob: She'd take him out if she had to...
Linda: [Drawing closer] Are we taking him out?
Bob: No! No, no, no!

Mort: Where'd you learn to do that?
Bea: I studied Krav Maga when I was researching my latest book.
Mort: Very cool. I took a bike safety class at the rec center. Kind of similar!

Bea: I loved writing those books, but I wrote them years ago when my kids were little. I write dramatic thrillers now, for adults.
Linda: Books for adults? I guess that's a thing.
Bea: Yes, yes it is. My new book is about a middle-aged librarian who learns mixed martial arts to infiltrate the mob and break up a rare books crime ring.
Linda: Yeah, that sounds good. I didn't really listen to what you said it was about, but Bea, the "Snail and Newt" books were magical!