150 Best Regular Show Quotes

Mordecai: I can't believe we got the diary back together.
Rigby: Yeah, what a pain. I never wanna water Margaret's plants ever again.
Mordecai: Wait, did we actually ever water her plants?
Rigby: Here she comes!
Mordecai: Ha, ha! Oh, hey Margaret! How was your trip?
Margaret: It was nice, but I can only take my parents for so long, you know?
Rigby: Tell me about it, 'rents are the worst.
Mordecai: Well, you don't have to worry about your plants, or if the roof is still on your apartment, or whatever. Because it's fine is what I meant.
Margaret: Oh. You guys didn't go and water them, did you?
Mordecai: Yeah, why?
Margaret: I forgot that I already asked Eileen to do it.
Mordecai: Really?
Margaret: Yeah, she had the spare bedroom all weekend. Sorry you guys went through all that trouble.
Mordecai: I guess we just missed each other, so don't worry about it.
Rigby: Yeah, it's cool.

Rigby: Aw, how do you watch that? It's like barfing rainbows in my eyes!

Mordecai: [dramatically raises arms]
Rigby: No. No, don't.
Mordecai: [lowering arms] It's too late.
Rigby: Come on, dude, don't.
Mordecai: [bringing arms inward] It's already in motion.
Rigby: Well, put it out of motion!
Mordecai: [crosses arms] You pissed me off.

Mordecai: Looks like the FE is just L-A-M-E!

Rigby: [in a full body cast] Well Mordecai, I guess you were right about the Snack Bar being lame. Especially now that we're not into eating all the free snacks.
Mordecai: Oh, about that. Those snacks weren't free.
Rigby: What?
Mordecai: Turns out, only Pops gets snacks for free.
Rigby: [hoarse whine] Pops?
Mordecai: Yeah, and I guess we're supposed to work here for the next 6 months just to pay for it all.
Rigby: Ohhh... turds!

Quips: [after Skips beats the wing challenge] You did it!
Skips: [Points over at the chef and his men] Now hand over the wings!
Guy: Didn't you read the fine print?
[hands over the picture of the Inferno Wing Challenge and laughs. Skips dusts off the layer of filth covering the fine print,: "Except if'n you're fancy."]
Guy: We don't gotta give you no nothin'! No how! So why don't you pack up your big city friends, and your big city shaved chest, and hightail it outta-
[Skips punches him before he can finish]
Skips: Run!
[steals the wings, and the other guys follow]
Guy: Curse you, big city shaved chest!
[Restaurant sinks into lake after cracking from bridge]
Guy: You're gonna pay for this!

Margaret: Am I on speaker?

Lips: ON THE LIPS!

Quips: What did one ocean say to the other ocean? 'Sea ya later!
Benson: I don't get it.

Pops: What is this place, this magical field? It's wide and it's open, nothing's concealed. It's scenic and peaceful for us to enjoy, why this is the park, good show old boy. A place of great beauty for plenty to use, it inspires us all so go spread the news, to man, woman, child or begging cowboy, this is the park, good show old boy. The key to this place puts a smile on your face, it is the people that it does employ, why this is the park, good show old boy.

Rigby: Looks like Pajama Sisters 2 is bombing, but it's doing better than you did with Margaret. Ohhhhhh! 3 more hours till my date!
[Next scene at the kitchen, with Rigby talking to Muscle Man]
Rigby: Hey, Muscle Man, do you know what I like best about Margaret? The way she's not going out with this guy!

Rigby: [Mordecai is trying to catapult pizza pouches to Rigby, but misses and it goes all over the house] Dude, that was like, really close this time.
Mordecai: Yeah, I think I'm getting hang of the tension in... oh, hey Benson.
Benson: [screams and runs to Mordecai] Did you put pizza all over this house? Don't deny it! I saw you! I saw you put pizza all over this house!
[turns to Rigby]
Benson: And You! You're just as guilty! Don't think I didn't see you do the whole thing! Guess what, you What?
[turns to mordecai]
Benson: you're cleaning it too, don't worry!
[punches the wall]
Benson: you make me so angry, is that what you want?
[runs out of the house with a pressure washer]
Benson: this is a pressure washer! You know how to use it? You'd better, otherwise I'm going to fire you! You're cleaning every last inch of this house or you're fired! Do I make myself clear?

Benson: JUST HOLD THE LADDER!

Mordecai: Why do you want to go so bad?
Rigby: Going to this concert could be the biggest moment of my life.
Mordecai: Wow, sounds like your life sucks.
Rigby: Shut up!

Amadeus: Nobody talks that way about college education in my restaurant.

Benson: Why do I even bother?

Rigby: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa You went to high school with all those guys.
Skips: Yeah we have a long history together. What'd you expect from a bunch of immortals.

Pops: Ooh, I can feel the excitement in my bladder!

Rigby: [over the phone] Eileen? It's me. Am I still dumped?... Aggh! Ethiopian food? It wasn't for reals!

Benson: Do you see them?
Pops: Not yet.
Benson: Hit the lights! It's almost 8 PM!
[lights turn off, unzipping is heard]
Muscle: Whoo! Skips is gonna be so surprised when he comes in and sees us totally naked!
Benson: It's not that type of party, Muscle Man.
Muscle: Aaaaw... Don't turn on the lights!

Rigby: Oh my gosh, it's a ghost tape!
Mordecai: Dude, calm down. It's not a ghost, it's just music. You can't touch music, but music can touch you.
Rigby: Oh, barf.

Rigby: Oh, I've seen this one at Eileen's. People do the craziest stuff for a stupid wedding. I give it, like, a two-and-a-half.
Mordecai: Out of what?
Rigby: I don't know.

Pops: Oh, I adore Rock Paper Scissors! Except where I come from, it's called "Quartz Parchment Shears!"

Mordecai: I knew you cheated, dude. I was just waiting for you to come clean to teach you a lesson.
Rigby: Oh, so these blondes are all just wearing wigs to teach me a lesson, too?
Mordecai: Uh, no. They're actually an evil secret club. We should probably run for our lives now.

Benson: [trying to make things better] So, we're all feeling a bit abandoned. Do you know what would help? Some tunes.

Muscle: Dude, where are the balls? You were supposed to bring 'em.
Hi: Well, where's your racket?
Muscle: I'm not talking about rackets! I'm talking about balls!
Hi: But badminton doesn't have balls!
Muscle: What? I'm not playing a game that doesn't have balls in it!

Boswald: Oh... I need a new diaper.

Margaret: Wow, Eileen. I didn't know you were so handy.
Eileen: Yeah, I used to get lost in the woods a lot.
Margaret: When you were a kid?
Eileen: Last year. It was kind of a phase I was going through.

Doug: [after Rigby tells him he's fired] Fired? You can fire me. This is the best job I ever have. I'm finally becoming somebody. Besides...
[in Rigby's voice]
Doug: ...I'm more Rigby than you ever were - or WILL be!

Rigby: Row Z, seats 97, 98 and 99!
Mordecai: Man, we made it! This is awesome! So close to the action!

Don: Give me some sugar.

GBF: Thank you so much!
[laughs evilly]
GBF: Thank you for being so dumb.
Mordecai,96824: What?
GBF: I didn't devote my life to this cruddy game, it's just a hobby.
Mordecai: But what about your wife?
GBF: [scoffs] Never had one. You can't tie GBF down.

Pops: You know who I am?
The: Of course I do. I know each and every one of you.
Muscle: You don't know me!
The: Oh, Muscle Man. Always so brash. You know who else is always so brash?
Muscle: Uhh, who?
The: Come on... you know.
Muscle: I don't know what you're talking about, lady!
The: My... mom...
Muscle: Whoa, bro.

The: I was always more of a CJ fan myself.

Eileen: How are you so calm? The universe is ending!
The: It's not my universe that's ending, it's yours. It's a shame that I won't be able to watch it anymore. I've really grown quite fond of you all. Personally, I wish you had a bigger role, dear.

Rigby: Benson's gonna drop his balls when he sees how good we set up these chairs. He's gonna be all like 'Oh no, my gumballs!'

Mordecai: You had to say Snowballs the Ice Monster?

Alpha: That's it? Blitz Comet, show this fool how we do.
Blitz: [Rapping] Blitz Comet on the scene. You step to me and you gonna get creamed-corn! All up in your teeth, you reek, you're the opposite of chic, ya freak! Your ryhmes are all antiques. Nobody wants em, they throw em all away. Right from the get go like your brain is on delay. Matter of fact yo, you better get a check up. Go ask your doctor, why you be so ugly from the neck UP?

Muscle: [holding a chainsaw] Skips, we ruptured another gas line.

Benson: The next person receiving an appreciation plaque is... Skips.
[applauds]
Benson: It says here in the Book of Park Records that you went the whole year without taking a day off.
Muscle: Oh, man, that's like, 400 days!

Pops: Let the merry-making commence!

Death: Muscle Man's time has come. I've been where he's going; it's a brutal place full of misery and anguish. Ah well, have a good one!

Mordecai: Actually, my eyes won't blink anymore.
[the others go "oooooh" in shock]
Mordecai: Uh... does anybody have any eye drops?
[Rigby gives him eye drops. Mordecai lets a drop over his eye, but it evaporates before touching it and he still wouldn't blink]
Mordecai: Take me to the hospital.

Rigby: Okay. Whoever makes this jump gets to choose lunch.
Eileen: You're on!
Rigby: [makes the jump] Ohhhhh! We're going to Wing Kingdom!
Benson: [entering living room] Rigby, did you clean out the gutters yet?
Rigby: No way. That's a two-man job.
Benson: Well, where's Mordecai?
Rigby: I dunno. I haven't seen him.
Eileen: Come to think of it, I haven't seen him since CJ dumped him at Muscle Man's wedding.
Benson: Yeah, no one has. He hasn't come to work for two weeks now. I tried calling, but he won't pick up.
Rigby: What? No, here. I'll call him.
Rigby: [finding Mordecai's cell phone under couch] Huh, that's not like Mordecai.
Benson: [frustrated] I can't believe this! You don't even know where your best friend is?
Rigby: [re: Eileen] Hey, I've been busy.
Benson: Look, I just concerned about the well-being about my employees as any park manager, but I've got a business to run in. If you don't find Mordecai and bring him back to work by tomorrow, then I'm gonna have to fire him.
Rigby: [shocked] What? Wait! I can find him.
Benson: Well for your sake I hope so, otherwise you'll be cleaning the gutters solo from now on.

Eileen: [Atop a mountain] Woah, you guys were right! What an impressive vista.
C.J.: Yeah. Good call, guys!
Rigby: Good call is what I'm all about
Mordecai: Like that good call you made when you ate that sandwich off a sidewalk?
Rigby: Hey, the sidewalk adds flavor!
C.J.: So do portable toilets!
[laughs]
Rigby: Ohhh... Burn!

Rigby: [tying rope onto trash cans] Are you sure this is going to work?
Mordecai: [holding ladder] Yeah man, it's totally going to work. All we gotta do is prank Muscle Man and tell him that Thomas did it. That way he'll respect him for standing up for himself and he'll stop pranking him.
Rigby: Love it. Hope Muscle Man is ready to get trashed... by Thomas.

Rigby: The FE?
Chuck: Ever seen the periodic table, loser?
[points to shirt]
Chuck: FE is the abbreviation for iron, like my stomach. I'm the iron stomach!
[grabs a hot chili and eats it]

Rigby: Dude, we have to win that hat.
Mordecai: Ha, yeah right. Dude, did you see the size of that omelet? No one will ever win that hat.
Rigby: Aw come on! Did you see how awesome that hat was? It was a net hat.
Mordecai: Dude, those aren't even cool anymore.
Rigby: Yes they are! Truckers wear them all the time. It's got air holes in the back to keep a cross breeze going and everything.
Mordecai: Alright, fine it's cool. But seriously a twelve egg omelet, why don't you just buy the hat?
Rigby: That doesn't make a cool story. "Hey, where'd you get that hat?" "I bought it." "Why does it say "I'm Eggscellent" on it?" "Oh it doesn't matter cause I just payed for it with money!" Plus why would you buy it anyway when you can get it for free?
Mordecai: Yeah but the omelet probably costs more than...
Rigby: Dude forget it! You wanna order a measly two egg breakfast, that's fine by me. But when you finish and you're still hungry, don't come crying to me cause I ain't sharing.
Mordecai: Yeah but...
Rigby: Shubaboo!
Mordecai: But...
Rigby: Sleepypoo!
Mordecai: Ugh, alright fine. We'll go to that restaurant. I hate it when you talk like that.
Rigby: Maybe we.

Mordecai: Yeah, I think that's a "Ursala Merger" right there.
[pointing at a constellation]
Mordecai: See like the handle and the ladle?
Eileen: It's called Ursa Major, not "Ursala Merger", and that's not even it, that's Orion.
[not looking up from her video game]
Rigby: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! And she didn't even have to look up!

Rigby: Benson, why do you hate us so much?
Benson: I don't hate you guys. I just hate some of the things you do. Okay, I really hate some of the things you do. I know you don't mean them, but I'm your boss and it's my job to push you to do better.
Mordecai: Is that why Maellard yells at you?
Benson: You guys don't know how easy you have it. Let's just say that his yelling is way worse than mine.
Rigby: But is it worse than his face?
[They laugh]

Rigby: What's your problem? Why do you have to be jealous all the time?
Mordecai: Shut up! This is all your fault! I finally get a chance to ask out Margaret, but you had to butt in and ruin everything!
Rigby: No, I didn't! I just wanted to see Zombie Dinner Party with my bro, who flaked on me, for some girl who doesn't even know he exists!
Mordecai: I'LL KILL YOU!

Benson: [drunkenly] Suit, you were the best thing that ever happened to me. You made me feel...
[He munches on a chicken wing]
Benson: ... Alive.
[He stuffs the rest of the wing into his mouth]
Benson: Full of... power! Full of... Strong... ness.
[Tears well up in his eyes and he raises a bottle of hot sauce]
Benson: To you, suit. May we meet again in the next life.
[He solemnly pours some drops of hot sauce onto a chicken wing, and then drops the wing onto the dirt mound]

Benson: Huh? Well on some level that kindda flattering. We must be doing something right if Russia is swapping from our park.

Mordecai: Woah, it looks exactly like Margaret's! Skips, how can we repay you?
Skips: Do you remember that stuff I said about why I skip?
Mordecai: Yeah.
Skips: No you don't.

Mordecai: [upon discovering an abandoned section of a shopping mall that resembles an old-growth forest, completely overgrown with flora and fauna] This mall must be like 15 years old.

Benson: The park is being audited today. Pops tried to pay the taxes with lollipops.
[all groan]
Pops: But I gave them more than enough.
Benson: Pops, we've been through this. You pay taxes with money, not lollipops.
Pops: Oh!

Mordecai: Huh. That wasn't actually that bad.
Benson: Yeah, I didn't really taste anything.
Rigby: Yo, Chuck! Your Mississippi queen was Mississippi lame!
Mordecai: Yeah, it's not even spicy at all.
Chuck: Yeah, well that's called beginner's luck. Luck. Luck. Luck. Luck...

Mordecai,96824: The Universe record?
GBF: It's the highest score in the whole universe, 1,279,001. Now who holds that record again? Oh yeah, me!
[Crowd runs up to GBF and strokes his beard]
GBF: Yes, go ahead, stroke the beard of Garrett Bobby Ferguson.
Mordecai: Hey, Giant Beard-o Face!
GBF: I told you that's not my name!

[repeated line]
Rigby: Stop talking!

The: Go now, Pops. Make it a jolly good show.

Mordecai: You might be me but you're not the me I wanna be.

Benson: I didn't wanna retire at 65 anyway.

Benson: Get out and stay out! And you two, I hope you learned something from all this.
Rigby: Yeah, make sure we do our chores so you don't mark on us to a giant eyeball.

Rigby: Aww, this blows! We gotta do something before he beats our score.
Mordecai: No rules, right? Mess up, c'mon, mess up!
Rigby: You know you want some broken bones.
Mordecai: Broken bones!
Rigby,172084: Broken bones!

Benson: And let's have it.
Rigby: What?
Benson: THE $40 YOU TWO CONNED OUT OF ME WITH THAT STUPID KEYBOARD CRAP! I know you've still got it. Now give it back!
[Mordecai and Rigby give Benson the $40]
Benson: NOW CLEAN UP THIS MESS OR YOU'RE FIRED!

[repeated line]
Rigby,172084: Oooooooohhhh!

Reginald: You should join us.
Walks: Why?
Reginald: Nothing wins you more respect in school than student government.

British: Ello, gov'nor!
Mordecai: Holy crap, it's real!

Muscle: Come on, ladies, play us a tasty lick!

Rigby: [sighs; bored] Wanna play some video games?
Mordecai: We gave away our system, remember?
Rigby: Well, whatever. The party's gonna be lame anyways. It's just gonna be Pops, Skips, and Benson sitting around doing nothing.

Skips: [hearing familiar laughter] I know it's you, Death.
Death: Ello, Skips.
Skips: What do you want? I gotta get back to dinner with my friends.
Death: Aw, yes. Friends. Tell me, Skips, these "friends", they idolize you yeah?
Skips: Nah nah, it's respect.
Death: They wouldn't respect the Skips I know.
Skips: What are you talking about?
Death: You know that I know that you've been lying to them for a long time. We wouldn't want our little secret to come out now would we?
Skips: Death, that's not who I am anymore. If that secret came out, it could ruin me.
Death: Yeah, I guess it could. Sit the game out and I won't tell. Think it over.

Benson: There she is guys. Isn't she a beaut?
Rigby: I want that beaut.
Benson: So who are we up against?
Mordecai: Some team called the Magical Elements.
Rigby: [unintimidated] The Magical Elements. Hm, hm. More like the Magical Loserments.
Death: [offscreen] What did you say about us?
Death: So, you blokes must be the Park Strikers. If you ask me, you're in for quite a beatdown.
Head: Yes, our team has stood undefeated for thousands of years. No mortal stands a chance against the Magical Elements.
Gary: Shouldn't be a problem, these guys are out of their element for even being here.
Rigby: No, you're out of your element. You and your lame matching uniforms. I bet those aren't even...
Bowling: [catching Gary making Rigby's mouth disappear] Hey, what did I tell you guys about using magic? Do you want to be in this league, well then no magic stuff alright?
Death: No matter, magic or not, we're still gonna beat you chumps.
Skips: Well, that's just your opinion, Death.
Death: No, it's a fact! Get used to it!
Rigby: Get used to this: we're gonna rub those trophies in your face, right after we rub these bowling bags in your face!
Mordecai,96824: Ooooooooh!

[last lines]
Mordecai: [after hearing Skip's story, solemnly] Dude, I'm so glad I'm not immortal.
Rigby: Yeah, man...

Mordecai: CJ, this is Margaret. My girlfriend.
[the ground gives way beneath him]
Mordecai: I mean, my ex-girlfriend.
[the hole gets deeper]
Mordecai: I mean, a girl I kissed a bunch in the past who's my friend!
[the hole gets even deeper]

Benson: You know, the offer still stands, we'd love to have you work at the park.
Thomas: I'd love to, but, once a spy, always a spy.
Rigby: Also, you're pretty much a traitor in both countries.
Thomas: Pretty much, yeah.
Pops: Is this the end of Thomas?
Thomas: The end? Heh-heh! No! I will forever be on the run. Living on the land, hiding in the shadows, forever watching, forever listening, like some, land-living, shadow-hiding, watching, listening guy. Oh look! The sun is rising.
[he looks behind him at the park workers]
Thomas: Thank you all.
[he runs off, knocks out a CIA Agent then jumps into the bushes]

Mordecai,96824: We gonna paaaaar-ty!
Mordecai: Got some chips, got some dips!
Rigby: Some call me cheap, bit of a freeloader, but I bought cups for that old-school soda!
Mordecai: I don't mean to brag, I don't mean to boast, but here's some hummus for these mini-toasts!
Rigby: Huu-mmus!
Mordecai: Humm-uus!
Mordecai,96824: Hummus!
Benson: Why are you guys yelling hummus?
Mordecai: [hides party food] Uh, no reason?
Benson: Doesn't matter anyway, cause while I'm on my night off tonight, Skips is in charge! That's right. This guy's going to be my eyes and ears.
[leaves the room]
Skips: This'd better be some party.

Rigby: Yeah, we have this lame boss Benson who tells us to...
No: Boss? What's that?
Mordecai: It's a...
No: I know what a boss is, I was just making a point.

Benson: Who would've thought that a mandatory team building activity would get us to the championship.
Mordecai: Thanks to my power hook.
Benson: No way! Thanks to my atomic fireball!
Benson: And because of my backup ball.
Benson: [laughs; re: Skips] Who are we kidding? Our team would suck without this guy.
Mordecai: Yeah-yuh! With Skips, we got the Magical Elements beat.
Benson: To Skips, the only reason we're gonna win.
Skips: Alright guys, I'll be back.
Pizza: [serving pizza] Ok, we got a carnivore deluxe here.
Rigby: Oh yeah, yeah!
Benson: Finally!

Benson: Handbells represent the purity and togetherness of the holidays, you idiots! They sound like angels whispering, and if you can't get that through your skulls, that's on you, not me!

Desdemona: Do you wish to dine with me?
Walks: Oh.. Uh eh eh, beg pardon uh yes thank you I... I was just.
Desdemona: Starring vacantly in my direction.
Walks: Ho, ho, ho you caught me eh, eh beg pardon again.
Desdemona: My given name is Desdemona, but you can call me Mona.
Walks: I'm Walks, as in... .. well Walks it is far as my name was shorted.
Desdemona: Oh... you mean to say that no one calls you Alks?
Walks: Hard to believe that big name never took room.

Mordecai: See Rigby, there's nothing to be afraid of. See how calm and collected these British dudes are?
[British people come walking up to Mordecai, Rigby &Benson]
Cricket: Ello, gov'nor. Ello, gov'nor, ello gov'nor, ello, ello, ello...
[Rigby gets scared by their greetings. The British people look evil for some reason. Suddenly, the British Taxi appears]
British: Ello, gov'nor!
[Rigby screams and runs away]
Mordecai: Rigby! RIGBY!
[Rigby's still running towards the house. Pops and Skips walk up to Mordecai]
Mordecai: Aw man, I knew we shouldn't have watched that lame car movie.
Skips: He's scared of cars now?
Mordecai: No, just British taxis.
Pops: What a silly notion, my British taxi isn't scary at all.
Mordecai: Wait, Pops, you own a British taxi?
Pops: Yes.

Mordecai: Dude, how come we always get stuck with the lame jobs? Setting up the chairs?
Rigby: Lame!
Benson: I can't trust you guys with something actually important. You're always slacking off.
Mordecai: You calling us slackers?
Rigby: Did he? Did you?
Mordecai: He's calling us slackers. Look dude, we can totally set up all those chairs without slacking off.
Benson: Good. Do it then.
Mordecai: We will.

Mordecai: Stop playing for a second! When I went upstairs, Pops was getting out of the shower.
Rigby: Yeah, so?
Mordecai: And he didn't have a towel.
Rigby: Ewww!
Mordecai: I tried not to look and just give him the magazine but I saw his...
Rigby: His junk mail? Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Mordecai: No, dude, I'm mentally scarred. It's like the image is glued in the inside of my eyelids. Every saggy, wrinkled, shriveled, pasty...
Rigby: Rigby: Whoa, whoa! Don't put it in my head!

Pops: There she is. Isn't she a beauty?
Mordecai: What the heck Pops? I thought you said you had a British taxi.
Pops: A British taxi? Oh, I thought you said a brownish taxi.
Mordecai: But that taxi's yellow.
Pops: Yellow? My taxi is no coward, I guarantee you that.

Benson: We have until three to stop the audit, so if anyone knows someone who can help, tell me. Anyone at all. Anyone.
Muscle: I know who can help.
Benson: Muscle Man, if you say your mom, you're fired.
Muscle: My mom!
Benson: Get out!
Muscle: It was worth it!

Mordecai,96824: OHHHHHHH!

Mordecai: Woaaaaah-ho-ho-ho-ho! This is the answer to ALL our problems. Have you named her yet?
Rigby: Actually, I thought you could do the honors.
Mordecai: Really?
Rigby: Mmhmm.
Mordecai: Ya know, I've always wanted to date a girl named: The Power.
Rigby: The Power?
Mordecai: Mmhmm.
Rigby: I like it.

Rigby: [Mordecai has locked himself in the bathroom to hide from Margaret. Rigby knocks on the door] You're being weird, Mordicai.
Mordecai: That's fine.
Rigby: C'mon! You have to come out of the bathroom.
Mordecai: No I don't.

Mordecai: Dude, you've gotta stop pulling stuff out of the trash. It's unnatural!
Rigby: You're unnatural!

Mordecai: Hey Rigby, can I trust you to hold this slice of cake without eating it?
Rigby: Dude, it's *cake*.
Mordecai: Never mind.

Rigby: Ah, man. I forgot my bowling towel.
Rigby: [grabbing his bowling towel before seeing the Magical Elements] You know, you guys shouldn't even show up tomorrow, because there is no way you can win.
Head: [restrained] Oh, let me at him! Let me at him!
Death: [to Reginald] Calm down. Calm down. I got this.
Death: [to Rigby] You seem pretty sure of yourself. How about a wager? Your team's souls for these souls.
Rigby: [enthralled] Whoaaaaa. Soul ball! I can rub that in so many people's faces.
Rigby: [shaking Death's hand] Deal!

Benson: What the heck is going on?
Mordecai: [pushes Rigby] Rigby's just freaked out by this dumb British movie we watched.
Benson: Well, you'd better have this mess cleaned up by the time I get back from my cricket game.
Mordecai: Cricket?
Benson: Yeah. I'm trying new things. So what?
Mordecai: [gasps] Will British people be there?
Benson: It's cricket, what do you think?

Rigby: Being immortal must rule, right, Skips?
Skips: Nah, not really.
Mordecai: I bet you could survive the vacuum of space though.
Skips: Gotta breathe. Being immortal doesn't change that.
Rigby: Ooh ooh, I got one! Swimming one hour after eating.
Skips: That has never killed me.
Mordecai,96824: Wow.

Rigby: How in the H are we gonna fix this S?

Benson: If you morons are lying to me, you'll be on dish duty for the next month!

C.J.: He doesn't need to impress me, I already think he's cool.

Rigby: Hey Mordecry, oh I mean Mordecai, didn't mean to diss you please don't run away and hide, saw you sobbing at that movie 'A Very Happy Bride', here I'll pass you a tissue, try to have some male pride!
Mordecai: [stops beat] See Pops, it's easy!
Rigby: 'coz the ladies don't like your sensitive side, like Margaret for example but I guess that's implied!
Mordecai: Okay, dude.
Rigby: She won't get with you, she just won't get with you, not gonna get with you, never gonna get with you...
Mordecai: Okay, we get it!
Rigby: I'm just keeping it real.

Benson: Alright, Mr. Maellard gets back from vacation today, so I need you guys to clean the limousine.
Rigby: Why don't we just wait 'til it rains? That's how I clean myself.

Desdemona: Don't be silly! Some of the greatest adventures can be had on the dance floor.

Mordecai: Dude, we're 23 years old, we shouldn't be busting holes in walls!

Mordecai: [after seeing commercial] Augh! I can't believe we didn't get tickets.
Rigby: Dude, I told you we should've left early to stand in line, but no, you wanted to finish your work.
Mordecai: Dude, Benson would've snapped his crank if we'd just upped and left work. You gotta be responsible sometimes.
Rigby: And that's why we don't have tickets for wrestling, because all you can think about is Benson's crank.
Mordecai: Oh. You're asking for it, man.
Rigby: You're asking for it, man.
Mordecai: You trying to get me mad? You know what happens when I get mad.
Rigby: Oh, I know.
Mordecai: Listen up, Mysterious Mr. R, Mad Man Mordo's gonna take you down. And I'm not talkin' downtown, I'm talkin' six feet underground!
Rigby: Mad Man Mordo? More like Bland Man Bored-o. When I'm through with you, people will be all like, Ah, what happened to his face?, and I'll be like, Mysterious Mr. R is what happened to his face.
Mordecai: That's it!

Mordecai,96824: OHHHHH!
Rigby: See man, we couldn't have missed this! Totally worth sneaking out!
Mordecai: Totally. Still though, it's pretty lame Pops couldn't be here.
Rigby: Don't worry, man. We did the right thing. Pops is totally safe back home in his bed.

Mordecai: You bet our souls for a ball?
Rigby: [punched in the arm] Ow! But it had souls in it!
Rigby: [punched in the arm again] Aaaah! I'm sorry. With Skips on our team, we were guaranteed to win! But after he quit, I was too embarrassed to tell you about the bet. But hey, now you know, right?
Rigby: [punched in the arm one more time] OWWWW!
Mordecai: We gotta get Skips back.

Benson: YOU LAZY NO-GOOD SLACKERS DRIVE ME NUTS! CAN'T YOU JUST LISTEN TO ME ONCE IN YOUR WORTHLESS LIVES? 'CAUSE IF YOU DID, YOU'D SEE I'M TRYING TO TEACH YOU SOME SIMPLE RESPONSIBILITY, SOME PRIDE IN DOING A JOB WELL DONE! BUT YOU WOULDN'T KNOW A JOB WELL DONE IF YOU PAID SOMEONE TO DO IT FOR YOU, AND EVEN THEN YOU'D SCREW IT ALL UP ON THE ACCOUNT THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN FOLLOW THE SIMPLEST OF THE INSTRUCTIONS, WORRYING MORE ABOUT LOOKING COOL THAN DOING YOUR JOB!

Reginald: Nobody's ever stood up to Klorgbane before.
Walks: Walks never walks away from a jerk.

Rigby: You're the one who threw me too hard, ya hole!
Mordecai: Don't call me a hole! You're the hole, you're the one who wanted to wrestle!

Pops: Good show! Jolly good show!

Skips: Muscle Man blows a mean piece of brass.
Muscle: You know who else blows a mean piece of brass?
Rigby: [cuts him off] Here they come!

Rigby: Mordecai! Do you remember seeing Pops naked? Pops naked? Nude? In the buff? Naked Pops, naked Pops, naked Pops!

Mordecai: Dude, why're you crying, dude?
GBF: Please, please just let me win.
Mordecai: Dude, what are you talking about?
GBF: I've devoted my entire life to Broken Bonez. I played so much my wife left me.

Benson: [Benson's car has been destroyed] Oh no! Your car!
Benson: Car? What car? I don't see a car! Maybe it's Invisible! Kind of like the checks I'll be paying you with for the next six months!
[turns to the invisible house]
Benson: and what happened to the house?
mordecai: yeah, about that...

Mordecai: That looks awesome.
Rigby: I'm glad you said that, because I got us... BAM!
[throws 2 tickets on the table]
Rigby: 2 tickets for opening night!
Mordecai: Ooh, I kind of already got 2 tickets for Pajama Sisters 2.
Rigby: What? Why? That's just some chick flick. And not even the good kind! I saw the preview. They're just gonna sit around talking about their feelings, fully clothed.

Mordecai: Ello Gov'nor?
Rigby: Yeah, man, it's foreign. Check it.
[reading the back]
Rigby: A British taxi is possessed by the soul of its driver, seeking revenge on the lowly gang members who murdered him. Pay the fare...
[pops head from behind case]
Rigby: ... or pay the price.
Mordecai: No, dude, not another horror movie. Last time I had to walk you to the bathroom every night for a week.
Rigby: No, man, it'll be different. This one is old and cheesy. It will be hilarious.
Mordecai: You sure you can handle it?
Rigby: Dude, it's in black and white. Come on.
Mordecai: Mmm... alright.

[stomach growls]
Mordecai: Don't touch that cake.
Rigby: It's a medical emergency!
Mordecai: You just ate a sandwich.
Rigby: Are you a doctor now? Did you go to medical school in the last five seconds?

Big: Hit it! Y'all better watch out 'cause Big Trouble's on the mic now. I knock all of your lights out with my verse y'all be cursed, exploding like some fireworks, bow!

C.J.: Seems like everyone always wants to "start over", why don't you guys just get it right the first time?
[Leaves]

Benson: I like you better than all of the guys.

Alpha: Okay, this be gettin' serious You guys are delirious, are you hearin' this? Talkin' 'bout positive things, but you ain't got no game And it's plain to see, your strange to me, cause we be Shining like diamonds, y'all be petty cash Nice mustache, conquistadors be wanting it back In fact, what are you? A rat, a squirrel, some kind of fat meerkat who thinks he's rad And look at that, your bird friend's dropping words absurd again Useless bits of rhymes that expose the nerd in him You think Alpha Dog is gonna lay down and let you win? Head be all inflated, I guess, just like a giant blimp

Mordecai: Hey, look, I don't blame you. We thought we could just order some t-shirts and pass ourselves off as a band. But it turns out, playing music's really hard to do. We just got caught up in the dream, man. And just for a little while, it was real. But that's over. And lip-synching's not cool. So we're breaking up the band.

Rigby: I keep having nightmares!
Mordecai: Just dream about something else then.
[lies back down]
Mordecai: Dream like you're a tough guy or something.
Rigby: [trying to sleep] I'm a tough guy.
[He says "tough guy" repeatedly]
Rigby: .

Mordecai: [after knocking Benson out] We only have one chance at not getting fired.
Rigby: Okay. I'll go get the shovel.

Benson: Man, Skips is on fire tonight. Another perfect game.
Mordecai: We going to the championship baby!
Rocker: [angry at losing] You guys wouldn't be so great if it wasn't for Skips.
Mordecai: Well, we can't help that he's just plain awesome, right Skips?
Skips: Hey, that's just how I roll.
Mordecai,96824: Ooooooooh!

Skips: Walks never walks away from a bully.

Mordecai: [to Rigby] Dude, Snack Bar. Now.

Pops: I brought my Pencil, give me something to write on. -Eddie Van Halen

Demel: Why you talkin' 'bout beauty man don't understand what that got to do with you fool, you guys are like spoiled hams in a can, superbland, expiration date's overdue.

Blitz: Okay, hold up, you wanna talk words and verse, but your face is distracting, so ugly it bugs me, take care of that mess and sweep it under the rug please, so trust me, you're only taking matters from bad to worse, so the only solution is to turn around in reverse.

Eileen: Rigby, there's no way I'm buying that bed!
Rigby: [Riding a mattress/roller coaster] Aw, come on! It's the thrill you've always wanted in a bed!

Mordecai: Augh!
[sits up]
Mordecai: What the heck, Rigby?
Rigby: It's that stupid British taxi! It's all up inside my brain!
Mordecai: [groans] I knew it! I knew this would happen! I told you we shouldn't have watched that movie!
Rigby: I know, I'm sorry. I can't help it.
Mordecai: [sighs] Alright, dude, we'll just desensitize you to the horror. We're gonna watch Ello Gov'nor over and over again until you stop being scared.

Rigby: Yo, you take Margaret to the airport?
Mordecai: Yeah.
Rigby: You wanna talk about it?
Mordecai: [despodently] No.

Pops: [knocking only one pin down] Yay! One pin, one pin!
Death: Well, if it isn't the Park Strikers. Hey, what happened to Skips? Oh, that's not Skips. Just some bloke with a fat head. Oh, Rigby, don't forget about our little wager. Good day, gents.
Mordecai: Rigby, what is he talking about?
Rigby: [guilty of something] Uh...

Benson: Hey, come on you two, you're supposed to be working.
Rigby: We're on our lunch break.
Mordecai: Uh yeah, what he said.
Benson: Yeah, it really looks like you're eating up a storm there. Come on, let's go.

Benson: Happy birthday Jimm...
Jimmy: Just drive the bus, you crazy slop jockey!

Benson: Excuses, excuses! How am I supposed to trust you, when all you give me are excuses? When are you two gonna learn, that your actions have consequences? Consequences that affect other people! Like me! Don't you two understand? I'm about to lose my job! You may not care about keeping your jobs, but I care about keeping mine! Cause if I lose my job, I got nothing! Do you hear me? I have nothing!

[last lines]
Rigby: [after Doug gets arrested] Wow, what a windbag! I thought he'd never shut up. I can't believe you all thought Doug was me. You must feel like idiots. Am I right?
[Benson and everyone else glare at him]
Rigby: [nervously] Uh, right?
Benson: [lividly] I'm the only one around here who hires and fires! So if you really don't want to do your own job, I'd be glad to accommodate you! Otherwise, you're on toilet duty for the next... THREE MONTHS! Unbelievable!
[Benson and the others leave]
Rigby: Hey, Mordecai, wanna make an easy ten bucks?

Skips: First on the agenda is trophy talk. Who gets the trophy on what day. I think the schedule is more than fair.
Benson: [seeing Skips walking into the living room] Oh, perfect timing.
Skips: Look, I've got something to say.
Skips: [puts his bowling shirt on the table] I can't play in the tournament.
Benson: What?
Mordecai: Why?
Skips: I... I just can't. Sorry.
Benson: Ok. Next on the agenda: losing and how to deal with it because we're gonna lose.
Mordecai: I'm cool with forfeiting.
Rigby: No! We can't!
Skips: It's just a trophy.
Rigby: That trophy is more than just a trophy. We can't let Death win. Skips isn't the team. We are. The past. That was Skip's time. Skip's time. Now, it's our time! Our time! Sure, this is a setback. But that just means we got to train harder!
Rigby: Are we gonna win that trophy?
Mordecai,128930: Yeah!
Rigby: Are we gonna wipe that smug look off of Death's face?
Mordecai,128930: Yeah!
Benson: Ok, who are we gonna get to replace Skips?

British: Ello, gov'nor!
Rigby: I'm no gov'nor!

Benson: [banging on Skips' door] Skips! Skips!
Pops: [He points to a yellow note on the "WELCOME" mat in the front of the door] Look, it's a note!
Benson: [reading note] Dear, Park Strikers. Something from my past has come back to me to haunt me, and I'm rethinking my life. I'm going...
Skips: --to where the road takes me now. You might not see me for awhile. Sorry for letting you down.
Benson: [stunned] Your friend, Skips.
Rigby: What are we going to do now?
Benson: There is only one thing we can do! Kiss our souls goodbye.

Rigby: [digging out socks from the drawer; annoyed] Come on Mordecai, give me a clue here.
Rigby: [answering his phone] Hello?
Eileen: [at her house] Hey, I checked from Margaret. She hasn't seen or heard from Mordecai.
Rigby: Yeah, his parents don't know where he is either.
Eileen: And I don't think he'll be hanging out with CJ anytime soon. Well, guess I'll start putting these flyers around town. Hopefully a hundred should be enough.
Rigby: Well, I'll be rifling through his personal stuff he doesn't like me touching. See ya.
Rigby: [flips a mattress and finds a postcard saying Greetings from dumptown U.S.A] Huh?
Rigby: [picks up postcard and reads] Dear Mordecai, stop wallowing in your lady woes and come have sodas...
Sad: [narrating note] ... With other single bros! There's a place with hot sandy beaches and an All You Can Eat buffet. So pick up your sax and jam with the crew in Dumptown U.S.A.! Signed, Sad Sax.
Rigby: [annoyed] Uh! Sad Sax Guy. I should have known! And Dumptown U.S.A.? That sounds so lame! I bet nobody's ever been to this place.
Benson: [overhearing] I have.

Mordecai: [Looking through Death's refridgerator] OK, soul juice, goats' feet... Ugh! Almond milk?

Stagman: I have been watching for years now. Bringing your filthy machines into my forest, setting her a blaze, drowning out her natural voice with your terrible music. And I've had enough!
Mordecai: Look, we're sorry, dude. We're not trying to ruin your home. We love the forest. Right, guys?
[everyone says an answer]
Stagman: Just like mother said she loved me and not to follow her back to the city?
Mordecai: Wait, what?
Stagman: You disgust me. My forest is ruined! And now I will count to ten and hunt you for food.
Mordecai: What?
Stagman: Do not fear. I will use all your parts. Nothing wasted. One...
Mordecai: Oh, dude!

[repeated line]
Benson: Do it or you're fired!

Pops: I'm just so excited to hear some fellow poets. I thought I come join you in the celebration of rhymes.
Alpha: Yo, whatcha say? Nah, nah, nah, nah, hold on man.
Blitz: You trying to step to us?
Pops: I'm just so excited to hear some fellow poets. I thought I come join you in the celebration of rhymes.
Alpha: Nah, nah, nah, nah, you're not celebrating nothin'! Yo V-Tron, turn it up. Yeah, CrewCrew's coming at you. Say it twice, don't forget it. Y'all better catch up to where we're at. You're behind the times. Can't compete with our dope rhymes. So you better say your goodbyes. We got Francois, Blitz Comet, V-Tron, the Jersey kid, on the beats. You know we rock. Then Demel-Ishun, the dopest girl on the mic. And Alpha-Dog, I bark the truth, my verses be all nice and tight. So now you know who were are. CrewCrew is the crew shining brighter than a quazar. But your bizarre. Yes, you sir, are a loser. So cover up that freakish dome and head back home and take your poems.OOOh, loser!

Mordecai,96824: [as Pops as about to sacrifice himself] POPS, DON'T!
Pops: [telepathically, smiles] Don't worry Mordecai and Rigby. I now you're sad, but I promise, this is a happy ending. Take care of each other. Goodbye.
Anti: [now feeling remorse] My God, all those one star reviews - I wish I could take it all back.
Pops: You can try. You and I together, brother.
[as they embrace each other, both Pops and Anti-Pops die making the star explode]
Mordecai: [tearfully] Guess this is it. If anyone's listening, I wanna come back as a dolphin.
Rigby: [tearfully] Oh, good one. Me too. No wait, an eagle! No, a pterodactyl with a really big...
[his words are cut as the explosion turns everything white]

[last lines of the series]
Rigby: [while having a reunion party] Man, I can't believe it's been 25 years.
Mordecai: [sadly] Yeah, I wish Pops could've been here to see this.
Rigby: Well, if it wasn't for him, we wouldn't have this.
Mordecai: Yeah. Hey, do you think those old video games are still in the shed?
Rigby: Yeah, we should check it out, for old cart's sake.
Mordecai,96824: Hmm! Hmm! Hmm! Hmm! Hmm! WHOOOOAAAA! Heh, heh, heh, heh.
Mordecai: I can't believe we used to do that.
[the screen turns to static as it shows a TV in heaven with butterflies, a VHS titled Regular Show ejects out of the TV]
Pops: [sighs] Jolly good show!

Mordecai,96824: Oooooooohhh! Not settin' up the chairs next time! Not settin' up the chairs next time! uhhhhh!

Benson: Fine, I'll eat around it, then...

Muscle: [appearing as Rigby attempts to visualize a pull-up] Wump, wump...
[Rigby punches him with an unnaturally long arm]
Muscle: Not cool, bro.

Doom: Prepare to be assimilated. Resistance is dumb.

Benson: Does everything have to try to kill us?