The Best Greg Quotes

Dean: Hey hey hey, guys, look who's home!
Greg: Hi Mom!
Travis: Hi Mom!
Charlie: [in a raspy voice] Hi Mom!
Greg: [pretending to cry] Gee Mom, we really missed you, we're so glad you're baaaaaack!
[Dean sticks his hand out to tell the boys to stop the dramatics]
Annie: They aren't mine...
Dean: Oh I was sure you'd remember them!
Annie: I think I'd remember if I had 3 children...
Dean: Four, honey, don't forget little Joe!
[Joe sticks his head out the window and waves; Annie faints after believing she had four sons with Dean]

Annie: Joey, don't, honey. Don't, don't get that near your eyes, sweetie. Look, I want you to read this; you see what it says? "Don't get near your eyes". Read on.
[Joey looks at the bottle for a few seconds, then tosses it aside and goes to bed]
Annie: What's this all about?
Charlie: He's embarrassed 'cause he doesn't know how to read.
Annie: Well, he's a small child.
Travis: He can't read for a small child, either.
Greg: The teacher makes fun of him.

Dean: [home from work] Hey guys, what's going on?
Greg: [stops playing piano] I got the part of Tiny Tim in the school play!
Charlie: [looks up from homework] I got an A in English!
Travis: [looks up from homework] I'm flunking math.
Dean: Yeah well we'll work on the math after dinner.
Annie: [teaching Joey to read with comic books] You're just in time, Dr. Death's on the rampage.