50 Best June Cleaver Quotes

June: Ward, I'm very worried about the Beaver.

June: Did you see my little baby, my poor little bald-headed angel?

Wally: Hey, Beaver, what is it?
Theodore: You know, Wally, it's a dog.
Wally: Yeah, I guess he is. I think he's what they call a Mexican Hairless.
Theodore: He's hairless, all right, but I don't know if he's Mexican.
June: [later, downstairs] Beaver, he's so tiny.
Theodore: Wally says he's a bald-headed Mexican.

Ward: [Ward notices that June is knitting a tiny sweater] What are you knitting?
June: Sweater.
Ward: [Thinks she's pregnant] It... it looks kind of small.
June: [laughing] Oh, honey, calm down! It's for the DOG.

Ward: Hi.
June: Oh, it's you
Ward: You disappointed?
June: Yes I was expecting the vacuum cleaner man with a new belt but I uh guess you'll do.

June: Now Beaver, you disobeyed me and you went out in your good clothes. And you ripped your trousers, and you lied to us.
Theodore: Yes, Mom.
Ward: You know you're going to have to be punished, don't you?
Theodore: Yes, sir.
Ward: Well, we want to be fair about it. What do you think a fair punishment would be?
Theodore: No stewed figs for dessert.
Ward: Beaver, you know you don't like stewed figs.
Theodore: Oh. Yeah.
Wally: Hey Dad. Why don't you make him sleep on the floor?
Theodore: Gee, Dad, that'd be neat
Ward: Wally, I think I can handle this myself. I'll tell you, Beaver. I think a fair punishment would be for you to spend the rest of the afternoon up here in your room.
Theodore: Gee, Dad. What can I do up here?
June: Well, you could take a nap.
Theodore: I haven't taken a nap since a long time ago.
June: I'm sorry, Beaver, but that's going to be your punishment.
Ward: C'mon, boy. Into bed. Let's go, Wally.
Theodore: Dad, couldn't Wally take a nap with me? And now we can play checkers or something.
Wally: Yeah, Dad. I wouldn't mind.
Ward: All right, Wally, come on. Everybody out.

Ward: [discussing Beaver's attempts to make some money] You know, this reminds me of when I was a kid. I made eighty cents once charging other kids to look at my grandfather asleep in bed.
June: Why in the world would anyone want to look at your grandfather sleeping?
Ward: He had a beard.

[Ward has opened the car door for June to enter]
June: Thank you dear. It's so sweet of you to be the thoughtful husband after all these years.
Ward: You're very welcome. Besides the neighbors might be watching.

June: Wally, where are you going?
Wally: I'm going over to slug Eddie.
June: That's no way to talk, this is Sunday.
Wally: You're right, I'll wait 'til tomorrow and slug him in the cafeteria.

June: You boys have a hard day at school today?
Wally: Gee, Mom, every day's hard at school.
Theodore: The hardest part is waitin' for three o'clock.

[Ward has arrived home from work and is reading the mail in the living room, unbeknownst to June and Wally who have just come down the stairs]
June: Now Wally, I want you to go in the living room and pick up those orange peels that you left on the coffee table. If your father comes home and sees them he'll be in a terrible mood all through dinner.
Wally: Yeah, I don't want him hollerin' at me again.
[June sees Ward in the living room, who has overheard their exchange]
June: [sheepishly] Hello Dear. I was upstairs, I didn't know you were home.
Ward: Oh yes, the monster has returned to his cave.

June: Y'know, it's funny.
Ward: [Ward is in old clothes, painting the kitchen door] What's funny?
June: The human male goes through three stages. From a messy little boy in dirty jeans and a sweatshirt to a neat young man. He gets married and he goes right back to the dirty jeans and the sweatshirt.
Ward: Dear, uh, a married man being neat is like running for a bus after you've caught it.
June: Ha, ha, ha. Aren't we the kitchen comedian, though.

June: Where is Herb taking Janet?
Ward: Out to get some air, that punch went right to her head.
June: Why Ward there's nothing in it.
Ward: Her head?
June: You know what I mean.

June: Eddie, would you care to stay for dinner? We're having roast beef.
Eddie: No thank you, Mrs. Cleaver. I really must be getting home. We're having squab this evening.

Ward: Let's face it, June, Wally and Eddie have been friends for four or five years now - nothing's ever really happed.
June: But Eddie has that look about him that makes you think something's always about to happen.

Ward: Hey, uh, Wally, your mother was just telling me there's a dance at school.
Wally: Yeah, I know.
June: Who you gonna take?
Wally: [looking puzzled] Take?
Ward: Yeah, take. You're surely not going to a dance alone.
Wally: Oh, 'course not, Dad. I'm going with Eddie Haskell.

June: [June has taken action to keep Wally and The Beaver from fighting] They signed a pact: love of brother for brother.
Ward: Seems to me I recall you got another pretty sincere promise out of them a while back, about, uh, keeping their room straightened up.
June: [slightly defensive] Well, you have to admit it did look better for a couple of weeks.
Ward: Yeah, then we found out why. They'd been throwing their dirty laundry out on the roof.
June: But this time, Ward, what I told them about brothers loving each other is going to work. Now, you're always too logical. I used the tender approach. A woman gets results using her heart, not her head.
Ward: Oh, now, June, that simply doesn't hold up. A man's head has always been softer than a woman's heart... . Well, that didn't come out quite right, but I think you got what I meant.

Ward: I'm going to change my clothes and finish painting those trash cans myself; the boys ran out on the job.
June: Well dear you can't blame them too much, they went over to see the big fire at the lumber yard.
Ward: Fire?
June: Yes, they couldn't resist it, and after all they are just boys.
Ward: Tom Corton's lumber yard?
June: Yes, it's been on the radio. Why, they've called out fire companies from all over.
Ward: Well it must be quite a fire.
June: Yes, it must be.
Ward: June, I wonder if you'd go out to the garage and put those brushes in some turpentine, I won't be too long. (Rushes out the back door.)
June: Once a boy always a boy.

[first lines]
Ward: What are you looking for?
June: I lost one of my wings.

Ward: Ah, June, Gilbert's always talking about his parents. Have you ever met them?
June: Oh, I see her at the supermarket every once in a while. She seems like a calm sensible person.
Ward: You can't really go by that. You might look the same way to her.

Ward: When I was a boy, if I'd broken a window, I'd've had to pay for it.
Wally: Gee, with your own money?
Ward: Oh, you bet, with my own money. Not only that, but I'd've gotten a pretty good taste of the strap, too.
The: Gee, Dad, you musta had a real mean father.
Ward: I wouldn't call him mean, exactly, but he certainly had a fine sense of values.
June: [silent until now, she's heard enough] Dear, why don't you tell the boys how you had to sell matches in the snow on Christmas Eve.
The: Gee, Dad, can I do that some time?
Ward: Uhhh, never mind, Beaver.

Wally: Do you have to go away?
June: Yes, Dear, I'm afraid I do, you see, my sister Peggy had a baby. Isn't that a wonderful surprise?
Wally: But Mom, if you're gonna be gone, who's gonna take care of me and The Beaver?
June: Your Aunt Martha's gonna come and stay with you.
Wally: Aunt Martha? Is she the one with the husband we're not s'posed to talk about?
June: No. That's one of your father's relatives.
Theodore: Is Aunt Martha the one that sends the soap every Christmas?
Ward: Oh, no. Aunt Martha understands boys better than that. She sends umbrellas.
Wally: Oh, yeah, she's our Umbrella Aunt.
Theodore: I remember her. She has birds on her hat.
Ward: [chuckling] That's right.
[Ward and the boys laugh it up, while June simmers]
June: Would you boys take your plates out in the kitchen, please?
Wally: OK, Mom.
Theodore: [sensing his mother is miffed, he pauses on his way out] They're nice birds, though.

Ward: What's this all about?
Theodore: It's our paper route, Dad. We're gonna earn a bike and surprise you, just like you did your father.
June: But boys, you get home from school pretty late as it is. Isn't that a lot of papers to deliver?
Theodore: Only 58.
June: But Beaver...
Wally: Gee, Mom, there's nothin' to deliverin' papers. You just fold 'em up and throw 'em at people.

June: You know dear, I'm afraid we hurt the Beaver's feelings last night.
Ward: Well we may have hurt him a little bit, but I think we got the message across.
June: Well I wish we could get the message across with love and kindness.
Ward: Oh cheer up June. If everything else fails we can always resort to that.

June: Beaver, I thought you were upstairs taking a bath.
The: I'm gonna wait 'til Wally takes his, and use his water.
June: You'll do no such thing.
The: Yes, Mom.

June: Ward, why don't you ever send me flowers?
Ward: I'm the kind that says it with seat covers.

June: I'm working on his costume for the school play. Miss Canfield has him playing an angel.
Ward: I'm glad to hear he's been promoted. Last year he played a dwarf... . By the way, how's Beaver reacting to his role? Does it offend his masculine dignity?
June: I don't think so

Wally: When are we gonna eat? The Beaver and me are gettin' hungry.
June: Wally, The Beaver and *I* are getting hungry.
Wally: Yeah, I guess we're all gettin' hungry.

Theodore: What's for supper?
June: Pot roast, potato pancakes, and what's the big idea?

['Corny' Cornelius is taking the Cleavers out to look at vacant lots]
Willis: Why didn't you bring the offsprings along, huh?
June: Oh, they were going off to play ball.
Willis: [suddenly serious] Oh, you left them by themselves, huh? I'll never forget the time the missus and I left little Jimmy John alone. He was eight or nine at the time. Yeah, we had one of those little doors cut in the kitchen door, y'know, for the cat to come in and out. Sure enough, when we got back, there was little Jimmy John with his head caught in it.
June: Was he hurt?
Willis: Oh, no, just a little frightened, that's all. The cat was very upset. Yeah, you should'a brought the boys along.
Ward: [mock serious] Well I'm quite sure they're all right, uh, we don't have a cat.

Doctor: Have you given any thought to your vocation in life?
Theodore: Huh?
June: Dr Compton wants to know what you'd like to be when you grow up.
Doctor: Yes. Would you think of being a lawyer, or a scientist? Perhaps a doctor.
Theodore: I don't think so. Doctors have to wash their hands all the time. Beside that, they smell funny.
Doctor: I'm sure an intelligent fellow like you has ambitions. What would you like to be in life?
Theodore: Well, I thunk maybe a garbage collector.
Doctor: A garbage collector. Now, why a garbage collector?
Theodore: Well, you don't have to wash your hands all the time, and nobody cares how you smell.

June: Ward, wouldn't that be downright sneaky?
Ward: Sure, it would. It's the only way we can survive as parents.

June: Ward, can you see any possible use for Franklin Milk bottle caps?
Ward: Yeah. To hold the Franklin Milk in the Franklin Milk bottles.
June: The boys have got a whole dishpan of them upstairs. They've been collecting them all week.
Ward: It's nothing to be alarmed about. In my day, the collecting instinct was strong in every American boy worth his salt. I'm happy to see it has survived television, child psychology and the inroads of progressive education.
June: I think I'm going to ask them why they're collecting those things.
Ward: Oh, no, June, don't you dare think of such a thing. You're flying in the face of Dr Brady. I quote, "A child's world is his own sacred domain and his privacy must at all times be respected."
June: All right, but we respected it last summer and they set fire to the attic!

June: Well, what were you and Eddie up to?
Wally: We went over to look at the Andersons' new car. I thought it was pretty neat.
June: What did Eddie say?
Wally: He said it was a heap... If we have an extra rabbit later, can I give it to Eddie?
June: [with a touch of sarcasm] I think it'd be easier on the rabbit if you gave it to Chester.
Wally: Gee, Mom, don't you like Eddie Haskell?
June: [obviously backtracking] Well, Wally, I'm very fond of him.
Wally: That's funny. Sometimes I think he's a creep.

June: Dear, do you think all parents have this much trouble?
Ward: No, just parents with children.

[Wally is about to embark on a camping trip with the Scouts]
Ward: Now, Wally, you do whatever Mr Norton tells you. And don't go wandering off by yourself. That's the easiest way to get lost.
June: And don't sleep on the damp ground, and don't eat a lot of junk.
Wally: Gee, Mom, that's what we're goin' for.
June: [after Wally leaves] Ward, it's just like he was going in the Army.
Ward: Oh, June, they're going up to Friends Lake, it can't be more than...
[he pauses, looking worried]
June: More than what?
Ward: Well, well, fifty or sixty miles.
June: Ward, that's practically overseas!

Wallace: [reading medicine label] Hey, Mom, it says here, 'take one pill twice a day'.
June: That's right.
Wallace: Well, gee, how do you take the same pill twice?
June: You know, you have your father's sense of humor.

Ward: If we start praising Wally in front of The Beaver for being neat, Beaver'll get the idea. All kids want the approval of their parents.
June: Well, I just hate to see you force it. Maybe The Beaver will outgrow being sloppy.
Ward: [shifting into facetious mode] Oh, June, that's not the modern approach. You can't wait for kids to outgrow things.
June: No?
Ward: No, you have to send them to orthodontists, psychologists... they've even got experts to teach children how to play. No self-respecting parent would dream of relying on nature any more.

June: Well, Ward, I didn't expect you home for lunch.
Ward: No? Who did you expect?

Eddie: Gee, your kitchen always looks so clean.
June: Why, thank you, Eddie.
Eddie: My mother says it looks as though you never do any work in here.

June: Wally, why aren't you in the school play?
Wally: Oh, I'm in it.
June: What do you do?
Wally: I hold a sign, saying 'Just a Minute', while the Wise Men are puttin' on their beards.

June: I have to leave the first thing Saturday morning.
Ward: Huh?
June: Peggy had her baby.
Ward: [he seems happy for her] Oh. Boy?
June: Girl.
Ward: [his demeanour changes significantly to disappointment] Oh.

June: What kind of stories?
Ward: I don't know uh, stories about buffaloes, Indians things like that.
June: Well Ward what if Wally doesn't know any buffalo stories?

Theodore: [Beaver confides in his Dad that he took Wally over to Mary Ellen Rogers's house, and they basically told him to get lost] You know, Dad, now it's all over with, I feel kinda silly.
Ward: Well Beaver, I'll tell you something about women. They have a wonderful capacity for love and understanding. Their tenderness and their sweetness are all-encompassing. But at times, they do have a knack of making us men look very, very silly.
June: [unknown to Ward or The Beaver, June has been listening] I heard that, Ward Cleaver!
Theodore: Oh, hi Mom.
Ward: Yeah, hi Mom.
June: [annoyed] Hi. Ward, you ought to be ashamed of yourself, putting ideas like that in The Beaver's mind.
Ward: Oh yeah? Do you know what Mary Ellen Rogers did? She used The Beaver in order to get Wally to take her to the dance tonight. And don't look so shocked, because it's exactly what you predicted she'd do.
June: I'm not shocked. As a woman, I'm very proud of Mary Ellen.
Ward: You mean you think women *should* act this way?
June: It's the way women *have* to act. Well, if we sat around and waited until you men got interested in us and got good and ready to settle down and have families, why this whole continent of America would be nothing but buffaloes, jack-rabbits and grizzly bears.

[June has prepared a lovely dinner of barbecued pork ribs]
Ward: Well, you boys are very quiet tonight. What are you thinking about?
Theodore: I was just thinkin' what I'd do if I was a pig eatin' peoples ribs.
June: Beaver, please.

June: Ward, Wally just told me. What's this all about the Beaver?
Ward: Oh, he just ran away from home.
June: [frantic] Oh, Ward, let's go get him!
Ward: Oh, no, that's exactly what he wants us to do.
June: But he might mean it.
Ward: Now, June, there's nothing to worry about. He'll walk around the block once, and he'll be back by the time we finish our soup.
Wally: [enter Wally] Did he really go?
June: Yes, he did.
Wally: Hey, Dad, he said he was gonna join the pirates, and come back with a wooden leg.
June: [Wally and his Dad laugh about the idea; June is not amused] Ward Cleaver, if he does, I'll never speak to you again!

Ward: I thought the boys were up here.
June: Uh-uh.
Ward: Well, they've deserted the vacant lot.
June: They went into the garage a while ago with a box. Looked like it was filled with dirt. Ward, what would they do with a box full of dirt?
Ward: Well, June, the possibilities of dirt are practically unlimited.
June: I think you ought to go out there and see what they're up to.
Ward: June, I can't do that. Unless your kids are tearing something down, or burning something up, or being unkind to old ladies, y'have to leave 'em alone. That's the unwritten law.
[later, Beaver is just leaving after June won't listen to the gang's secret]
June: [to Ward] He's got a big secret, and he's just busting to tell someone.
Ward: Well, did you ask him what it was?
June: Well, of course not, dear. Unless they're tearing down buildings or burning up old ladies, we just don't pry. Unwritten law.

Ward: Is there something going on here that I don't know about?
June: Why of course not, Ward.
Theodore: Of course not, Ward...... I mean Dad!

June: Agh!
Ward: What's the matter?
June: I just thought of his head again.

June: Ward, why do you always put the silverware backwards?
Ward: Oh that's a hangover from my prep school days. We always did it that way. It was our method of striking back at the social order.