Top 30 Quotes From Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

Captain: [holds up donut] Aren't these fabulous?

Fin: [everyone is staring at him after he has just explained what 'sex on the DL' is] Don't look at me, I just know stuff.

Detective: No way! I'm never setting foot in the city of Baltimore again as long as I'm on this mortal sphere!

Detective: A military plane drops J.F.K.'s coffin in the middle into 9,000 feet of water three years after the assassination. You don't fund that suggestive-perhaps even a tad bit disquieting?
Detective: No.
Detective: No? The Justice Department waits 33 years before they impart this tidbit on the American people. And then they say they did it because it wasn't evidence? What are you sheep? Will you believe anything?

Detective: [Stabler returns from testifying against a 'weenie wagger'] Hey, how'd it go?
Detective: He's in Bellevue.
Detective: The jury came back that fast?
Detective: He waved his flag at 'em before they got the chance. Nobody saluted.

Detective: Somebody killed him in his cab last night.
Waitress: This city sucks!

Det. Monique Jefferies: Are you gonna eat this?
John: Suppose we say yes.
Det. Monique Jefferies: Suppose I was just being polite.
John: That would be a first.
Brian: Go ahead, Munch doesn't eat veggies
Det. Monique Jefferies: Really? I heard that's not the only thing John doesn't... eat.

[offers a bucket of licorice]
Captain: You can't trust the computers. They get backed up and don't input the releases.
Detective: That's why I talked to the watch captain and had then check personally to see if Spicer's still there.
Captain: Well, why is this ours?
Detective: Doer sliced off the vic's unit.
[spits out licorice]

Det. Elliot Stabler: [to Fin during a card game] What's your favorite kind of torture?

Gallery: Unfortunately Spicer's is a disgusting little piece of street meat, but he has a extraordinary gifted orifice in the middle of his face.

Det. Elliot Stabler: [screaming] I got an F!

Captain: Okay, Olivia, let's just say the vic had the misfortune of buying the wrong hack license. Spicer's the target. Who wanted him dead?
Detective: Whoever called the dispatcher.
Detective: Wow.
Detective: Nice. Good stuff. Keep that.
Detective: Thanks, thanks a lot.
Detective: It never stops.
Detective: [to Cragen about donuts] You know they have more varieties than that.

Detective: Ok, so it's not robbery, but stabbings aren't necessarily sexual. You know sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Is there a specific reason you called us out?
Bremmer: Whoever did this sliced off his cigar and took it with him. Is that specific enough?
Detective: Works for me.

Fin: [Munch starts one of his theories...] Don't get him started on one of his conspiracy theories!

Detective: Doesn't sound like there's much doubt on the C.O.D.
Detective: Do you think that you're conclusional pole vaults are personality or gender-driven?
Detective: I don't know, John. What about deductively logical?
Detective: Oh really? I had what looked like a stabbing once in Baltimore, it turns out some guy was getting divorced and drank drain cleaner and his soon-to-be-unmarried widow discovered him dead-no alimony. She stabbed him 15 times out of pique.

Det. Olivia Benson: I went down to the hack bureau. Our dead guy, Victor Spicer? His licence was suspened when he got 11 months for assault.
Elliot: And?
Det. Olivia Benson: He's still in Rikers.

Detective: Hey, you guys going to eat all this?
Detective: Suppose we say 'yes'?
Detective: Suppose I'm just being polite?
Detective: Oh, that would be a first...
Detective: That's cool, John doesn't eat vegetables.
Detective: Yeah? The way I heard, that's the only thing John never gets to uh... eat.
Detective: Ouch.

Det. Elliot Stabler: [sees Warner enter the restaurant where he and Olivia are eating lunch] An ME out of the lab? It must be big.
M.E. Melinda Warner: I got the report back from the contents of the vomit.
Det. Olivia Benson: Am I going to want to stop eating for this?
M.E. Melinda Warner: Roast beef, mozzarella cheese, corn and raisins. Luckily, it had only been in the stomach a few hours, so it was only partially digested.
Det. Olivia Benson: All right, I'm done.
[pushes her salad away. Elliot shrugs and takes it]

Detective: [after debating the light punishment given to a murderer who is otherwise a good person] I think we did the only thing that will let me go home and sleep tonight.
Captain: You just used your Get Out of Jail Free card. There's only one in the pack.

Neighbor: [a snoopy neighbor witnessed a rape and didn't report it] Do I need a lawyer?
Elliot: For being a peeping tom? No, you just need a shrink.

John: Not to mention the fact that I lost a wife after less than one night of connubial bliss to someone who was not only a detective but a member of my own squad.

Olivia: You're under arrest for attempted kidnapping and reckless endangerment. You have the right to remain silent. If you give up that right, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.

Detective: Sir, if the body is dead is that considered a sex crime?
Captain: Just go. You know, investigate, interrogate, write up a DD-5.

Captain: We don't get to pick the vic.

M.E. Melinda Warner: [performing an autopsy with the detectives present] No fluids present. Tests show spermicide common in condoms.
[removes an organ from the body and weighs it]
Elliot: This is fun.

Detective: He was stabbed last night, his genitals were cut off.
Marta: So?
Detective: So I can see you're greatly affected by this.
Marta: How would you feel if your neighbor raped you for 3 weeks and the government gave him a medal?

Gallery: My wife's bisexual, but she prefers women.
Detective: Oh, lucky for her.

ADA: This changes everything.

Capt. Donald Cragen: You don't get to pick the vic.

Det. Olivia Benson: Question - Who'd want to cut your penis off?
Victor: Take a number.