800 Best Lost Girl Quotes

The: [Chanting] Unanimes venit lumen. Unanimes veniat pax. Malum est-...
Bo: [Enters] Oh good, you're all here. Being creepy.

Dyson: [as Kenzi] Check me out! Kickin' it in the wolf man! Yeah!
Kenzi: [as Dyson] Kenzi, sit down before you break something.

Fitzpatrick: Mark's new to our colony. Exposure to Fae kind will do him some good.
Tamsin: Yeah, it's not the first person he's "exposed" himself to.
Fitzpatrick: Huh?
Tamsin: Uh, nothing.

Bo: I need these kids to respect me.
Kenzi: You need them to trust me. And after taking down The Man, I am like a folk hero to these delinks. I am like their Che Guevara.
Bo: Do you even know who that is?
Kenzi: Dude in the beret. Designs t-shirts for angry youth.

Tamsin: You know, if I didn't know better, Dyson I'd swear you didn't want a new partner.
Dyson: I can see why they made you a detective.

Dyson: I can't touch him unless some hard evidence falls into my lap.
Bo: Well, evidence is going to fall so hard, you're going to be singing soprano.

Fitzpatrick: You don't know the Darkness you've unleashed.
Zee: I know exactly what I've done. It's the end. But it's also the beginning. I'm going to destroy this world and start a new one. The way it used to be. The days of sacrifices and human worship. It's time now for us to be seen as the Gods that we are.

Bo: Separate forever. That's what the Jumbee said. I know what we have to do! Before they were married, they were killed! They were buried separately! If we - -
[Doubles over]
Dyson: If we what?
Clio: Oh, oh, I know! If we bury them together then it will end the Jumbee's need for vengeance.
[Dyson looks at her]
Clio: Come on, you've been around for a thousand years, and you've never read a romance novel?

Krampus: Allow me to apologize for the boy, he has a little bit of growing to do.
[Chuckles]
Krampus: "Growing"... nevermind. You can go.
[Poofs Tamsin away]
Krampus: And you.
[Poofs Bruce away]
Krampus: You too!
Jeffrey: I'm telling Mom!
[Gets poofed]

Kenzi: Can we just forget about your Fae-self for like a nanosecond, and talk about something that's really important?
Vex: Doubtful.
Kenzi: Mascara.
Vex: ...You have my attention.

Bo: [Stella is reading her tea leaves] Will I meet a brave knight and marry all my problems away?
Stella: Why deny your fear, child?
Bo: Because it's scary?

Dyson: It's a pack thing, babe.
Kenzi: Oh, my god.

Ryan: You realize none of my doctorates are in that medical stuff right? In fact, most of them are made up.

Crier: The unaligned succubus, family unknown, clan-...
Bo: Zip it!

Alicia: [Researching the paranormal] Okay, so what do we have? Nymphs, Sirens, Werewolves...
Dyson: They don't like to be called that.
[pause]
Dyson: Or so I've heard.

Kenzi: Now truth, Ianka's death note, did it hurt you?
William: No.
Kenzi: Hey, you lie to the Russian stink eye, and bad things will happen to your junk. Which would now be a particular bummer for me.

Kenzi: [scrubbing her mouth vigorously after ingesting human corpse-based soup] Anybody got a breath mint?

Kenzi: What if Bo hitched a ride outta town and is dancing in a topless bar despite rival girls trying to bring her down?
Fitzpatrick: She's not living in "Showgirls"!
Kenzi: My go-to worst case scenario.

Whicher: She will be delivered by the Una Mens.
Kenzi: And you need to be delivered to a dentist, buddy. Your breath smells like the anus of a Yeti.

Bo: Wow a little bit of Fae ecstasy goes a long way.
Roman Tyresius: Who do you think helped the humans come up with that little pill?

Evony: [Trying to torture Kenzi, her taser stops working] What the hell... is this thing on? I don't have time for these games.
Bruce: Perhaps the Sanctuary is warded.
Evony: Or the Blood King cast some heavy duty protection spells over his lair. The Sanctuary must be warded!
Bruce: You are so wise, Ma'am.

The: [Kenzi and Bo are shocked to see the Morrigan again] Surprise!... and color me shocked. Imagine the unaligned succubus finally yanking her head from between her shapely legs and coming over to the only side that matters.
Bo: Well it wasn't by choice, lady and I'm having it annulled as soon as you give me Vex.
The: Vex? Since when is that pervert capable of anything above the belt?
Kenzi: He imprisoned your brassy beaver.
[the Morrigan and Bo both look at Kenzi]
Kenzi: Right, Vex... Vex bad. Vex Messmer... poop.

Bo: Kenzi, I know what you're thinking, but this is purely platonic-...
Kenzi: Earth to Bo! I don't care if it's platonic. I don't even care if it's "slut-onic".

News: Meteorologists are still stumped as to why there were no warnings and so far no explanation for this bizarrely localized storm. The department of safety is urging the public to remain indoors until further notice.
Sam: Apocalypse anyone?
Lauren: Sounds like somebody's trying to send us a message.
Sam: Good 'cause we're not equipped for the end of the world.

Endymion: This woman's name is Clio and she is a thief of identities!
Clio: What was I supposed to do while you were under Selene's spell, and between her legs? Requests for your services were coming in.
Dyson: So you took his gigs. The last one that I recall put you in a hell of a dress.
Clio: [Looks at Eddy] All he was doing was making babies!
Dyson: Wait, is Eddy your - -?
Clio: No. No, his spawn are giggling dim-witted Elementals.
Dyson: But *you're* an Elemental.
Clio: With a twist. Those Elementals only have command one of the four elements. I commune with all of them. Which makes me very special and so much better than you.

Lauren: Whiskey? My treat.
Dyson: You buying me a drink, huh? It really must be the end of the world.

Bo: We can talk about this.
Tamsin: We don't need to. I was upset, but now I'm not. I realize there's no winning with you.
Bo: What game were we playing again?
Tamsin: It doesn't matter where your body is. Your heart's always with her.
Bo: You been listening to John legend?

Bo: We need to find my midwife. So where is she?
Evony: Fine, she plays with my ponies.
Kenzi: Bo's midwife is a brony?
Evony: I locked her up at my ranch. Turns out she was great with the horses, so I figured what the hell, let her take care of them. I needed someone to shovel the shit.

Dougie: After the séance, all you guys coupled off and you left me alone. I knew I could connect with the paranormal.
Kenzi: Para-normal? Don't you mean para-weird?
Dougie: I had my occult book and my candles and I burnt a copy of Antichrist Superstar as an offering.
Kenzi: You sacrificed "Superstar"? Dude, Marilyn Manson is a god!

Bo: So Dyson's new girlfriend is a billionaire and I live in a house with no walls.

Bo: You took over an entire PR firm to promote one client. Why?
Elizabeth: Let's just say that Clay's like family.
Iris: He's famous now, his face is going to be on a protein bar. Peanut Chocolate Fudge. I picked the flavour

Elder: You're crazy.
Saskia: Oh! Um, the polite term is "mentally unstable".

Pietra: [after getting kicked in the leg] I totally got wounded in action. This is so awesome. Oh god, it hurts!
Bo: I'll hurt you if you don't be quiet.
Lauren: Bo, I go this.
[Examines Pietra]
Lauren: Okay, it's just bruised.
Pietra: Tell me the truth, Doc, am I gonna lose the leg?
Lauren: No, but you might lose a tongue if you don't be quiet.

Dyson: You. Go!
Vex: To be continued then?
Dyson: I said go!

Kenzi: I know that you're gonna get through this. And I'm gonna be on the other side with mojitos. Because horns or not, we gettin' drunk when this is done.
Bo: What if I'm drooling and have back hair?
Kenzi: We will get you waxed! You'll always be my girl, Bo. Even if you do come outta there with a dong.
[Bo punches her arm]
Kenzi: Ow! No dong.
Bo: No dong.

Evony: The higher you climb, the more you realize that you're surrounded by sycophants and assassins.
Lauren: You're so dramatic.
Evony: No, I am realistic in a dramatic world, honey.

Kenzi: [Watching the Clubhouse burn] Goodbye crack shack. Bo, this better be the greatest plan ever.

Lachlan: I have a proposition for you. Freelance for us. You won't have to swear allegiance. You won't be under my rules - and I'll pay you a retainer.
Bo: To do what?
Lachlan: To do the wonderful things that you do. When the need arises.
Bo: No disrespect, but if anything arises - I'm sure you'll have it well in hand.

Tamsin: You know, you think you're the only one in the race. Well, guess what, there's a new pony on the green.
Lauren: Racing or golf: pick a metaphor.

Tulip: Kitten Is anyone coming here to be with you? You know, family, or friends?
Bo: [Thinks] There's a girl She has, she has pink hair - No blue! Is it black! Or no, platinum. Oh! There's a man! He's, he teaches me, he's like a, like an uncle, like a bar-tending uncle.

Kenzi: How much fun would this be, huh? Feasting, and hunting stags! And kilts! and bangers! And mash and Mary Poppins!

Heratio: [after the Shield is stolen] But you told me to-...
Zee: I told you to what? To let someone walk out of here with the only thing that can protect us?
Heratio: I didn't let anyone *walk* out.
Zee: It's a wonder I had it at all after you practically gave it to Athena.
Heratio: This again? She was one of us!
Zee: And her monumental rack had nothing to do with it?
Heratio: You said that she could borrow it!

Kenzi: A little, ya know, first-time-with-a-Fae-box from Bo.
[Pulls out a pack of condoms]
William: Okay... Oh wow. That's prepared.
Kenzi: We've got edible, non-edible, fat-free, firm, fire-proof, fig flavoured...

Bo: What have we been learning?
[Points to raised hand]
Bo: Yes?
Earl: Shakespeare. Romeo and Juliet.
Bo: Excellent. That's my, um my favorite. Um so, we have two houses...
[Draws on chalkboard]
Bo: They are sworn enemies. We've got Romeo and Juliet.
[Student puts up hand]
Bo: Yes?
Earl: Who's Ryan?
[Bo looks to see she's written "Ryan" instead of "Romeo"]
Bo: Oh, God...

Lauren: Two minutes, I'll be out of these cuffs.
Bo: Seriously?
Lauren: I learned a lot from Kenzi's shadow thief training. It's not just about panty removal.
Bo: Your foreplay was always top notch.

William: That was close. Too close. And I usually like close. A close shave. Glenn Close. Close Encounters of the Third Kind.

Evony: Enough bullshit. I tried to be your friend and be nice to you for a *whole* day. And it got me nowhere. Where is my serum?
Lauren: You seemed so happy with the rich hubby and the gout-...
Evony: That was this morning!

Detective: Everything okay?
Kenzi: Are you kidding me? It's better than Call of Duty 3.

Bruce: I'm not letting you meet him alone.
Kenzi: Well, it's a long walk.
Bruce: Who's walking?
[leads her to a parked sports car]
Bruce: The Morrigan's new toy. And you get to drive.
Kenzi: I love you.
Bruce: I love you too, Kenzi.
Kenzi: I was talking to the car.

Tamsin: The man said it'd bring you happiness and good luck.
Lauren: But it's foolish to think that an external object can dictate the likelihood of fortunate events, so-...
Tamsin: Who hurt you?

Isaac: Hi, I'm Dr. Taft. How's it hanging?
Bo: Judging by your pants, high and to the left.

Fitzpatrick: You have quite the reputation. Thief. Con.
Dyson: Philanderer.
Fitzpatrick: You are proud of this?
Dyson: Tickled. Look, we both know the French like to talk.
Fitzpatrick: Not just the French. You're infamous throughout Europe.
Dyson: Okay, *now* I'm proud.

Dyson: All my life I have been searching for a King. When what I should have been searching for is a Queen.
[Kneels]
Dyson: My blood is yours. My soul. My body. I swear fealty to you, Ysabeau. Because no matter where you come from or what made you, by your side is where I want to be. Forever.
[Stands, they hug]
Bo: I kinda thought we were fighting.
Dyson: We kind of were.

Kenzi: You know what? Screw club house arrest. Let's go out.
Bo: What about Cheezie breath over here?
Kenzi: Hey, Lil' T. Do you wanna come out with us? Totally boring, not fun. Or do you want to stay in safety rim zone and watch the X-Files again?
Teen: X-Files!

Vex: Either this is Aurora Borealis or that Jerry Garcia weekend is coming back to haunt me.
Mark: Who is Jerry Garcia?

Dyson: [as Kenzi] What if Dyson can't stop Reynard? What if he gets my wee body... dead?
Woods: [as Bo] Then you'll both have to share Dyson's.
Dyson: That's not funny, Bo. How would we work the bathroom?

Kenzi: [Freaking out after Tori passes out] I *killed* the Glaive's daughter!
William: Dyson trusted me, he depended on me... this poor girl!
Kenzi: Who doesn't drink coffee? I mean, it's just - It's just coffee! You have with for breakfast, or when you're sitting in a cafe pretending to write a novel - it's not a drink! It's a hug!
William: She was in my care...
Kenzi: I'm gonna be Fae food - Oh my god, they're gonna lock me up with a crazy beast and watch as he eats me for breakfast!
[Sudden thought]
Kenzi: Maybe *with* a coffee!

Musashi: I was chosen. You don't know what that's like.
Bo: Actually, I do. And it's bullshit.

Rainer: Not only could your blood lift curses, but you could lead armies. Resurrect the fallen as they die on the battlefield. Free the masses.
Fitzpatrick: Or enslave them, if she's coerced by the wrong hand.
Bo: You stop talking about me like I'm not here. Nobody's going to use me for anything.

Kenzi: In Russian, we have a saying: "Dodna!" To the bottom. Of the glass, yes - But also you can fight, Bo. Fight for Dyson. Fight for Lauren. Fight for what makes you happy.
Bo: [Lifts her glass] To the bottom.

Kenzi: Bobes. Bobo. Boom boom-Bo. It's me. It's Kenzi. K-star. Clog-the-drain-with-a-hair-ball-Malikov. Look, we've been through all this before, right? Djieiene spiders. Kitsunes. Even Tamsin went Jack Nicholson evil. But we always come back. Because we've got back. And this Kenzi-conda don't want none unless you got buns. Hun.
[Breathes]
Kenzi: Look, I left, I know, and I'm sorry. But you were with me every second that I was away, and that is never gonna change. Because you're my sister from another mister. Until the end. So please, please come back to me.
[Bo's eyes change to her Succubus blue]
Kenzi: So what, your eyes are glowing a shade of hell. I know that it's not you. It's him. So, please come back to fight him with us. 'Cause, we need you. I need you.

The: You did good.
[Gestures to the portal]
The: Go on!
Bo: Not without him.
The: You know that's against the rules.
Bo: See that's the thing... I've never been big on rules. That is who I am. That is my true self. There's always another way.

Lauren: [Trying to unlock Crystal's phone] Password. Shit.
[Thinks]
Lauren: Maybe it's "shit":.

Bo: I'm the Pyrippus. The Pyrippus is me.
Kenzi: I'm trying, I'm struggling. I've known you for what? Five years, and yes, you do have a lustrous mane of hair. But you don't have a horse face. It's more oval.

Kenzi: "Robbers", my fine Russian ass. This is probably payback because you and Dyson cheated on your Fae Finals.
Bo: Hey, I did not cheat!
Kenzi: And now they've sent some revenge Fae for our skin! Or our tonsils.

Lauren: You have to tell me everything you know about the under realms.
Tamsin: Eat a sack of tits.
Lauren: Sorry, what did you say to me?
Tamsin: Eat. A sack. Of *tits*.
Lauren: Uh, okay. Why?
Tamsin: Because then your mouth would be full of tits and I wouldn't have to listen to your dumb-ass voice.

Kenzi: I need a beat on a local Fae that can cause amnesia.
Fitzpatrick: Amnesia?
Kenzi: Mm-hmm.
Fitzpatrick: [Looks through index cards] Uh huh, Dr. Snook. He's an ortenax; fish Fae; feeds off memories. Moonlights as an eye doc.
Kenzi: Trout-tometrist, got it.

Fitzpatrick: What was Tesso looking for in those books he ate?
Elder: An incantation. In order for their leader, Zael, to get enough juice for the, uh - The "Fastening" ritual...
Kenzi: Yeah, yeah the magical boinking.

Vex: First mission eh? You gonna get yourself your very own vest?
Mark: Please God, no.

Lauren: How are you doing?
Vex: Oh, peachy. Yeah, lying down has relieved the pain in my shattered arm completely.

Woods: Reynard's poisoned the kegs. Anyone who's had some beer tonight, has ingested the Gorgon blood.
[Kenzi spits her drink out]
Detective: Could be worse. Could have ingested Trick's Creme de Squid.
Kenzi: That is *not* a thing.
Lauren: So... all of us.
Fitzpatrick: Except for me. I wouldn't be caught dead drinking that swill.
[Everyone looks at him]
Fitzpatrick: Sorry - Barkeep humor.

Dyson: Your music sucks!
Bo: I bought that one ironically. All of them, actually.

Bo: Would you give me some space Saturday night? Dyson agreed to come over and talk.
Kenzi: Ah. Gotcha. Operation "Woo" begins. And what is your plan of attack?
Bo: Cleavage. That's about as far as I've gotten.

Dyson: Is Tamsin with you?
Bo: No, I've been stuck at Lauren's. With Kenzi. What happened?
Dyson: I don't know, I guess I snapped at her. She took off.
Kenzi: What? She's just a baby, she doesn't even know how to twerk yet!

Kenzi: Tammy, this may be the single most irresponsible, frightening thing we've ever done.
Tamsin: More irresponsible than the time we snuck into the Fae Veterans Hospital; switched charts because you were having period cramps-...
Kenzi: Shh! We said we would never talk of that again.

Bo: How was limbo?
Lauren: Weird. I saw my Aunt Edna and she gave me her cheesecake recipe.

Lauren: Where are you giving this blade to Vex? I
Pietra: I don't know yet. But he'll call when he's ready.
Bo: Well, I can't wait for him to drunk dial you, I need Vex before moonrise.
Pietra: Oh god, I'm failing you. I'm totally failing you!
Lauren: No, Pietra, you're doing great.

Bo: Sorry to keep bugging you with all these questions. It's just, there's so many different types of fae. I wish there was some kind of book or something - -
[Trick sets a giant tome in front of her]
Bo: ... To keep track. I also want a pony.

Lauren: Are you a Cabbit?
Suneetha: Hence the thirty-eight children. I only hope I live long enough to see them again.
Lauren: I promise you, you will survive.
Isaac: [Enters] It's not nice to make promises you can't keep. And you should know better than to get attached to the lab rats.
Lauren: I know better than to take advice from a sociopath.

Bo: It's like she doesn't even remember.
Kenzi: So, remind her.
Bo: And break her heart again?
Kenzi: Two minutes ago you wanted to break her face.

Dyson: [as Kenzi] He was in your body for, what, ten minutes, until he death sucked Ciara like an evil vacuum.

Kenzi: Great, just what every girl needs. A matching set of dead guys.

Tryst: Me and Jay was tight. He just started acting crazy all of a sudden. Started doing stuff I ain't never seen before.
Bo: Like what?
Tryst: One time he painted this pig in a cop's uniform on the side of a Paddy Wagon - while Five-0 was still inside, yo!

Bo: Is that my corset?
Vex: You can't own possessions!

Bo: I was born in hell. I found out when I was in Tartarus. My dad is Hades. Family Christmas card's gonna be awkward this year, huh.

Stacey: What are we celebrating?
Dyson: Everyone's happy, the end of the Una Mens and that Evony is no longer the Morrigan. The Dal's become ground zero for our territory's flirtations with democr-Fae-cy.

Bo: I've given my blood oath to haul your bony ass to the Morrigan.
Vex: Hey. This is a pole-dancer's ass, this is!

Tryst: Street art don't pay, so can we do this one for free? You know, what do you call it? Pro-boner!

Kenzi: Now, you're sure that this gated community isn't built on an ancient burial ground? Portal to hell?
Lisa: Something happened to Tim Parker.
Kenzi: Did you accidentally sacrifice a virgin?
Bo: Kenzi...
Kenzi: What? It happens.

Harvey: When'd you trade in bitchy and blonde for a brunettte with bouncy Christmas hams?
Acacia: Harvey, you're not still mad at Tamsin 'cause she hogtied your mother? 'Cause your mom was really fat, she kinda had no choice.

Fitzpatrick: Exposing corruption at Hecuba is the perfect opportunity for Hale to make a name for himself.
Kenzi: Yeah, I can think of some choice names for you both right now.

Daphne: If you hold her under much longer, you're gonna hurt her.
Dyson: I pull her out too soon, she's gonna hurt *me*.

Dyson: How's the heat monitor working?
Kenzi: Um, looks like I'm the hottest one around. I like this gadget!

Hades: Father and daughter, finally side by side. It's time to fulfill your destiny. There's nothing left to hold you back.
Bo: There is one thing. Your backup plan. I don't want her around.
Hades: Sibling rivalry. You're reminding me more and more of myself.

Kenzi: [At Trick's place] Did I just wake up in Narnia? Or is that the fever talking?

Dominique: Legs!
Dyson: Yes, that's what they're called.
Dominique: Legs!
Dyson: Not yours. Lauren's. There's a difference. God damn mermaids.
[Turns to Lauren]
Dyson: I should just end her now, right? You feel like some sushi?

Bo: So this temple that you speak of is there a dress code? Do they take reservations?
Stella: You've performed one simple task. Now, the real training begins. Crossing the threshold only allows you access to the temple. Where the most grueling challenges of your life await you.
Bo: ...Oh, crud.

Vex: This is worrisome.

Choga: You got the disease, Choga got the cure. It's cash only but uh, for you, Choga work something out.
Bo: What is a Choga?
Choga: Man, how you don't know Choga? I'm side to side, up and down the dial, yo. So, uh, tick tock, you wanna ride the dragon or what?
Bo: Was any of that English?

Bruce: You're tough, Kenzi. But you're human.
Kenzi: Not for long.
Bruce: What?
Kenzi: I met someone who said he could make me Fae. I think I'm going to take him up on it.
Bruce: Bad idea
Kenzi: Yeah, I'll probably owe Massimo for the rest of my life, but-...
Bruce: Massimo, the Druid? Really bad idea.
Kenzi: Yeah, well, my friends need me, Bruce. They need me to nut up. Do the rescuing, for once. And I can't. I can't when I'm... this.

Kenzi: It just got Sailor Moon out there.
Lauren: Why, whats happening?
Kenzi: Bo's giving the best HJ of her life!

Fitzpatrick: Sorry, bar is closed right now.
The: Think of me as a V. I. P. I do.

Kenzi: I'm being stalked like a celebrity at a Whole Foods parking lot.
Lauren: You need to get into that vent system to track that mail before we lose heat.
Kenzi: Okay, I'm gonna distract the guard. I'll record myself on a camera that cousin Dimitri provided that also doubles as a projector. I'll install a screen in front of my desk-...
Dyson: Yeah, I don't think we should be trusting Gypsy technology.
Kenzi: Just give me 20.
[Dyson knocks out the guard]
Kenzi: Or we could just do that.

Kenzi: I gotta jet. Thanks for the Oolong.
Fitzpatrick: Aren't you forgetting something?
Kenzi: We are *all* forgetting something.

Olivia: I have a problem. I hear you have special skills that might be for hire.
Kenzi: They are. Let's talk rates.
[Olivia gives her a look]
Bo: Whatever you have to say, you can say in front of Kenzi. So what's the job?
Olivia: I want you to kill someone.
Kenzi: ...And that's gonna cost extra.

William: As heir to the Zamora Clan, I am invoking my right to call a parlay.
Fitzpatrick: You're technically not the heir There's Val, your cousin Mitch...

Bo: Tours every hour on the hour. All we need is an inside man.
Kenzi: Or an inside Kenzi. That came out wrong.

Lauren: [examining a patient] I'm not liking what I'm seeing: could it be due to someone you ate?

Kenzi: [Watching Dyson flirt with a waitress] "Oh my God Dyson. I love your pelt."
Bo: Maybe she'll turn him into a coat.
Kenzi: Maybe he'll give her rabies.

Isaac: No need to restrain the Succubus. She'll be my first test.
Bo: I normally don't do virgins.

Persephone: I'm not bound to Tartarus, Bo. I'm bound to Hades.
Bo: My father. So you two are Bonnie and Clyding it, huh? Tell me, do you two prefer Persades or Hadephone?

Lauren: Have you eaten anything unusual in the last 24 hours?
Tamsin: Ummm. Cheezies from Bo's vending machine.
Lauren: Ugh! They've been there for years.
Tamsin: I know.

Persephone: Do you know what Hades would do if he knew I let his daughter down here?
Bo: Thirty years of missed birthdays? I think he pony up for one candle.

The: You have failed to abide by the sacred rules of the Fae.
[to Dyson]
The: If you have any last words speak them now.
Kenzi: Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God!
The: The human has spoken for you then.
Kenzi: I just stole your last words? Oh my God, I suck!

Kenzi: We got to go all interrogation on her. Find out who she is for real.
Dyson: We don't want to frighten her. She might lash out.
Kenzi: And if she is Tamsin, she *did* try to kill you.
Dyson: There is that.
Kenzi: Yeah.
Dyson: But she might not be Tamsin.
Baby: Peace out, losers. I'ma go play.
[Throws knife]
Baby: Later.
Dyson: It's Tamsin.

Lauren: What do you see? What's happening?
Kenzi: [At Alaria Tech] Well, we're basically in a yogurt commercial.

Zee: Hand over my shield or I'll hunt your people down and kill them. The Valkyrie will be the first to go. Pity. Great hair.

Tamsin: I should be out there fighting. I'm a warrior.
Lauren: Hey, you listen to me, what you are about to do is brave Tamsin, possibly the bravest.
Kenzi: This, this right here, is what it means to be a warrior, okay? You got this girl.

Lauren: Since there's no physiological reason for your mesmeric impotence...
Vex: Ah, I made you do that!
Lauren: No, actually that was just an itch.
Vex: Damn you!

William: [On the phone] An apology letter? How was I supposed to know I couldn't look him in the feet? That's where his eyes are!

The: I been here so long, I can't rightly remember my given name. My mother wouldn't approve but I can't rightly remember my mother's name either.

Aife: I need help, finding my daughter. Her name is Bo.
Dyson: [Thoughtful] Bo...
Kenzi: Kind of a dude's name, am I right?

Julia: Are you okay? You kind of look like that girl from that video in health class giving gross birth.

Delivery: That kitty's from the Emperor Kang dynasty. The legend says Kang was a poor warrior 'til he came upon that magic kitty.
Lauren: [Skeptical] Magic kitty?
Delivery: That cat brings luck to its owner and people around them.
Tamsin: Word. How much?
Delivery: Ohhhh I don't know if I can sell it...
Lauren: That brings us back to the knick-knack.
Delivery: ....But seventy-five outta cover it.
Tamsin: I'll take it.
[to Lauren]
Tamsin: Gimme seventy-five bucks.

Kenzi: I know Bo's got a lot of stuff going on, but Kenzi's got a lot of stuff too! Kenzi's got butt-loads of stuff.
[Breathes]
Kenzi: Hale, I gotta unload 'cause I might've done something that's coming back at me in a big, yucky way.
[He's not listening]
Kenzi: Hale!
William: Sorry, what do you gotta unload out of your butt?

Bo: Trick, did Aife ever go through a dry spell?
Fitzpatrick: Um The year my daughter lost interest in... you know... was the longest year of my life.
Bo: YEAR? Like a weird sprite year that translates into maybe two Succubus days?

Bo: Okay, look you have to listen to me. This is going to sound outrageous but you must believe me.
Fitzpatrick: [Drunk] Of course. You're my grand-dubus. My succu-daughter.

Kenzi: Wait, there's a Fae black market? Somebody has *got* to get me a Cherry Coke!
[Everyone looks at her]
Kenzi: What? They're, like, really hard to find.

Bo: This is just so incredibly weird for me. You have no idea.
Dyson: Why weird?
Bo: Because you're the first person I've ever woken up next to that Isn't... Dead.

Tamsin: l just have to take you down old school. I am stronger and older.
Bo: All I just heard? Was old.

Kenzi: Where have you been? Where did you go when you moved away and why didn't you call me?
Nate: Uh, Seattle, Reno and you were six.
Kenzi: Dude, for the longest time I had myself convinced it was an alien abduction.
Nate: Close. It was my mom.

Bo: Something is going on, we're in danger, it could be Una Mens.
Tamsin: We've tried this already. And nobody is taking us seriously.
William: Nah, Una Mens ain't dumb enough to cause trouble on Yule. Hell, they're probably off playing kissyface under the mistletoe.
[Slight pause]
William: Please don't tell them I said that.

Bo: And there is no guarantee we will make it out alive.
Vex: Hmmm. This is supposed to motivating.

Bo: So you seem like a man of the world. You certainly know how to throw a party.
Roman Tyresius: You should see this place after hours. Black tie. Often nothing else.
Bo: What's the craziest thing you've ever done in bed?
Roman Tyresius: Sleep.

William: I agree, the pension system is woefully inadequate. That's why, as The Ash, I would. double the payouts for anyone over nine centuries old. Though you don't look a decade over six-fifty.

Lauren: How's your beer?
Tamsin: It's beer.
Lauren: Mine's quite hoppy, actually. I'd guess about 50 IBUs, which is my max.

Bo: Why do I feel like we're being watched?
Thomasina: Well I always feel like I'm being watched. Probably 'cause I am, I mean... Look at me.
[Suddenly fearful]
Thomasina: Wait do you think it's the Pyrippus?
Bo: I don't know.
Thomasina: Great, I'm gonna die in the woods with a girl who wears gingham.
Bo: How did I find a meaner Tamsin?

Kenzi: Once upon a time there was this superhero. Named... Superkenz.
Ethan: Why was he a superhero?
Kenzi: She, dumbass. I dunno. Because she was awesome.
Ethan: What were her powers?
Kenzi: If you're gonna back seat drive this thing I'm not even gonna bother.

Vex: If you were to die now, there would be no one to avenge you, would there? But that would just put a damper on the evenings festivities.

Fitzpatrick: [to Bo and Dyson] You both have to be smarter. The Una Mens are everywhere.
Bo: So, close the door on your way out.
Fitzpatrick: No. You get your brains out of each other's pants, and get out of my barrel room!

Hades: I'm not here for you. Why do you think I let you keep Tamsin alive? I'm here for my baby.
Bo: Then you'll have to get through me first. As long as I'm around, I'm the favourite child.

Lisa: So, I kill people? And I'm *dead*?
Kenzi: On the bright side, "killer dead babysitter"; the TV movie writes itself!

Seymour: I'm a soul eater; I suck people's spirits. Not exactly beloved.
Tamsin: Sucking things made me popular.

Freyja: You're not the florist. Why in the name of my glorious afterlife were you fondling my flower?
Bo: Great setup for a joke there, really.

Tina: In the dream, I work for the war office, and it's my job to buy the country's submarines.
Bo: Go on.
Tina: So, there's submarines from all over the world. There's a huge Brazilian sub; it's packed with naval officers. And then there's a French sub; it comes with a heat-seeking missile and a gourmet kitchen.
[sighs]
Tina: And then there's my husband.
Bo: Your husband's on a submarine?
Tina: My husband *is* a submarine. But, he's a little dinky and his periscope's a little rusty...

Bo: Are you okay?
Kenzi: I'm fantastic, yeah. Worst-case scenario I just ate toxic soup. Best-case scenario I am a a toe-sucking cannibal!
Bo: Kenzi, we're gonna figure this out, okay? It's gonna be fine.
Kenzi: I'm always putting my foot in my mouth, but at least it's always my foot!

Lauren: You claim to be a part of this group. That you love Kenzi and Bo. I don't see it.
Tamsin: Well maybe you should wear some glasses.
Lauren: Hm, you kind of peaked at "sack of tits".

Hugin: You put so much as a pinky on top of one of the sacred plots and you'll be sucked down to Irkalla by the Leviathan.
Bo: Irkalla?
Hugin: Yes. Some call it hell, some call it the netherworld, I call it France.
[Waits for laugh; Bo just stares at him]
Hugin: Usually kills in Britain.

Lachlan: Marisol Carmody. Don of the Bukharin Clan. Last night she was-...
Bo: Exploded. Yeah, I heard.

Stacey: I color coded my flash cards.
Tamsin: Stacey, color coding means using *different* colors.
Stacey: But I like pink.

Vex: [to Dyson] You actually work with these humans every day, and you never even thought about eating one of them? Not even this fat one?

Tamsin: We go undercover. I could be a great therapist.
Dyson: We're trying to *prevent* these people from killing themselves, Tamsin

Dao: Wai Lin is away helping with some very important international negotiations.
Fitzpatrick: She's back at the UN?
Dao: Facebook.

Kenzi: Yeah, someone should really tell B. Y. These things come in frozen french fry form!
Elena: What good Russian girl doesn't know how to peel a potato?
Kenzi: If I was 'good', I wouldn't be here.

Kenzi: A woman's legs went missing, dudes! Like mi-ssing. Okay? She was swimming in her company pool, and then bam. Legless in Pool-attle.
Lauren: What's the company called?
Kenzi: Alaria Tech. Biometrics. Like "I, Robot" shit. So we need to get to the bottom of this. And, get that bottom half... back.

Ryan: This? Cutting edge technology. It'll protect me from all impacts. I won't feel a thing.
[Bo gut-punches him, he keels over]
Ryan: Ugh! It needs a few tweaks.

Traso: Name?
Kenzi: [Southern accent] Kenzi Von Clare. I'm Bo's honeybee, and I'm here for some sugar.
Traso: But... you're human!
Kenzi: Trust me: the shorter the lifespan, the deeper the quicksand!

Cumberbatch: What, you didn't think I'd have a security system?
Bo: To be honest, this isn't all that impressive. I mean what happens now? I get crushed by plushies?
Cumberbatch: Oh, Fae power plushies are so 2007.

Lauren: So starting tomorrow, unless we're working, all humans are to be locked in their living quarters. Compliments of The new Ash.
Kenzi: Well, here you are. Running amok.
[Bo gives her a look]
Kenzi: I mean, what an Ash-hole.

Stacey: As if this isn't your fault. Hello, when you stopped me from taking the hot doctor's soul...
Tamsin: Owing Freyja a soul is on you.
[pause]
Tamsin: But, in retrospect, that might've been a bad idea.

Bo: Let me buy you a drink... How 'bout a pint of what the freakin' hell are you doing here?
Ryan: I'm more of a bourbon man, actually, thank you.

Dyson: What about drugs? Any new drugs on the scene?
Evan: [sighs] Love. Love is a drug.
Dyson: You really gotta get over this girl.
Evan: But I love her.
Dyson: No, you don't.
Evan: How do you know?
Dyson: Hundreds of years of experience.

Dyson: Lauren? What happened here?
Kenzi: I don't know.
Evony: [Enters] First of all, I goosed her sweet berries. Right where you're sitting.
Kenzi: Ew.
[Moves]
Kenzi: Graphic and confusing.

Lauren: [Unconscious Bo moans her name] Wow. Even in Dyson's subconscious you're thinking of me. Score one for the doctor
[Sudden thought]
Lauren: ... Unless that's Dyson talking.

Lauren: I can't believe that we forgot Bo's birthday. We're the worst people in the world.
Tamsin: I understand how I forgot because, hello, it's me But how did you forget?
Lauren: I've had a lot on the go. I've been very busy with things like, like-...
Tamsin: Sucking up to Evony?
Lauren: I like to call it "working".

Kenzi: You dug?
Lauren: I did, with a shovel. Dyson on the other hand...
[Kenzi mimes pawing]
Lauren: Took me back. I used to have this schnauzer...

Bo: We have to get out of here. And if you won't come willingly - -
[Grabs Hannah's arm]
Tamsin: No! Don't. If you move a Squonk involuntarily, they will dissolve into tears. Literally.

Teague: [Transformed into Bo] I am a man of business, nothing more!
Bo: Well let me ask you a question, man. Besides screwing people over and going back on your word, if you had to go to the bathroom right now, would you pee sitting down?

Ryan: I thought I was dreaming but you are wearing a white dress.
Bo: Actually, it's champagne. We almost got married.
Ryan: I need a whiskey. And a beer, with a side of strippers.

Cassie,185781: Only in the darkness can we see the light. Only in the darkness can we see the light

Lauren: [In Iris's room] Are these restraints?
Heratio: Before you over react let me explain...
Tamsin: Why you'd want to restrain a child that makes me *not* me wanna kill you?

Tamsin: What would those people want with Hale's painting?
Kenzi: Nothing good. And they mentioned a Succubus who slayed the Una Mens. And really, how many of those are there? I'm gonna say less than fifty.

Kenzi: You have a son? It is Vex?
Evony: As if I'd let him wear that too-old-to-be-goth shit if he was.

Kenzi: Trickster, why are you PMS'ing over that gorgeous, smoky, crowy, ass-face, hot, jerk?

Dyson: It's not quite the erratic behavior I was asking about.
Evan: Okay, okay, then you explain it. PMS?
Dyson: ...Yeah, probably.

Tamsin: What if I told you I could balance Valhalla and get you back in Freyja's good books?
Stacey: I'd say, next time, lead with that!
[Yells to her manager]
Stacey: Stan, I quit! And I lied. I *am* going to tell your wife!

Lauren: Three unharmed bodies from the elevator crash, three blood types. All human. But-...
Dyson: There's a fourth blood type. Fae.
Lauren: Could you just try to be surprised? That machine cost a hundred thousand dollars.
Dyson: [Points to his nose] Priceless.

Vex: This is a potent potion taught to me by a potent love, once upon a time.
Bo: You wanna talk love? Look at Lauren. I mean, she didn't do a full amputation, she just took a little break.
Vex: Do you ever shut up about her?
Bo: And now the break is over, and we're back together with barely a bruise. See, nothing drastic, nothing permanent. Just...
[sighs happily]
Vex: What's that sound?
Bo: That is the song of my heart. You wanna hear it again?
Vex: Oh, yeah. I'd love to.
[Gags her]

Bo: You framed Derek for Jake Marshall's murder.
Elizabeth: Murder. Such an ugly word. We prefer "risk management".

The: Sweetie, if it's Vex you want, come to my Dark Ceilidh this aft.
Kenzi: Dark "kale-y"? What is that, code for vegetable enema?
The: A Dark Ceilidh is like a Light Fae party except with more - everything!

Bo: Tell me everything.
Delia: Graeme and I have been together forever. Like, six months at least.

Kenzi: No one's here, Dyson. Stop sniffing.
Dyson: Just you, me and the, uh, thongs, huh?
Kenzi: Ha.
Dyson: That's a whole lot of thongs, by the way.
Kenzi: Well, I will have you know, that these are all business thongs.
Dyson: ...I don't even wanna know what that means.

Dyson: Asphyxiation, crushed bones, internal bleeding. That girl worth a look?
William: As a suspect? Ain't no way she did it. She's half his weight - and fifty-percent of that is champagne.

Kenzi: Your stupid ass plan means my best friend's tits deep in enemy territory with nobody to protect her except *Lauren*.
Hale: Dr. Lewis is smart and resourceful.
Kenzi: Oh, yeah? When shit gets real, what is she gonna do? "Science" people to death?
Fitzpatrick: When it comes to crisis, Lauren is no slouch.
Kenzi: [Sits up] Crisis? There's already a crisis at the prison?

Nelson: Anyone else think that these deaths might be some sort of freaky animal attack?
Trudy: Like a wolf?
Dyson: [Enters] A wolf wouldn't leave the body intact.
Kenzi: Yeah, not to mention, they're really lame.
Dyson: Oh, really?
Kenzi: Yeah, and surprisingly girly.

Vex: I hear you've been sharing family business with outsiders. Bad vampire.

Vex: I'll tell you what. You bring him to me so I can question him, and I'll see to it that a very large sum of money makes its way into the pockets of your tight, tight pants.

Bo: What about Ba'al? I mean, even the Dark don't let their people leave bodies lying around.
Dyson: They let it slide. I went after him to try and get some justice, but he got the drop on me, stuck me with a silver blade. I almost bled out while he just stood there watching. Finally my partner showed up.
Bo: And they didn't do anything to him?
Dyson: It was humans being murdered, Bo. Fair game as far as the Light and Dark are concerned. And my going against him was unsanctioned. As far as they were concerned, it was just self-defense.
Bo: Jeffrey Dahmer could plead self-defense with these guys.

Kenzi: Trickster! Tell me you got some magical booze that can erase the last fifteen minutes of my life, please?
Fitzpatrick: Yup. Tequila.

Bo: Are you the Pyrippus? But I always thought you were bad.
The: You were bad until you found your way. The Pyrippus is the same.
[Holds up horseshoe]
The: You possess the key. The power's in the one who holds the reigns. Go home, Bo. Find the Pyrippus.
Bo: Trick's gone. And I can't fight my father without him. I don't have the answers.
The: The answers will come.
Bo: When? When will they come?
The: ...You must find them yourself.

Lauren: What succubus are you so afraid of facing?
Bo: It doesn't matter. I just need to learn how to protect myself from her. How do succubi fight one another?
Kenzi: Slow-motion pillow fights? Crotch lasers?

Blogger: It's just totally unreal that I'm actually here with Sadie. I mean, I have watched the Lethal Grace series a hundred times. I mean, I can recite every movie verbatim. Me and my friends, we measure up every girlfriend we've ever had against you... If we had ever had any.

Kenzi: If you hurt my best friend again, one day, in the future, anthropologists will find your skeleton in an unmarked grave with a massive, massive, life ending blow to your head, by a totally awesome chick that rhymes with frenzy.

Kenzi: Dudes, all I did was grab this stupid shillelagh and all of a sudden I'm Darth Vader!
Lauren: Let me see that-...
Kenzi: [Tries to drop it] Yeah, about that... the shaft is kinda Fae-zy Glued to my hand.
Vex: Yeah, that happened to me once. Painful.

Monk: Convertimini ad níhilum.
[Swallows poison to avoid interrogation]
William: Loyal little shit.
Kenzi: Latin *is* a dead language

Bo: Oh, Shazbot!

Kenzi: [Waking up] Trick?
The: I prefer treats, actually.

The: If I hadn't just had my nails done, I'd rip your beating heart out myself.
Bruce: You're too kind.

Fitzpatrick: With The Nyx unleashed, it could mean the end of all existence. Legend states that The Nyx's darkness will seep to the Earth's core by midnight.
Light: It is time for the Blood King to use his gift. Write the Nyx out of existence.
Fitzpatrick: Whenever I use my blood, the outcome is much worse than the present danger.
Light: What could be worse than the end?

Bo: Answer it.
The: The man! He will live longer
Bo: Final answer?
The: No wait. Um, ah.. The woman. Uh, yes, you love her. You wear her humanity like a shield.
Bo: So we're sticking with the woman, Levi?
The: No, um, wait uh the man. Yes, you crave strength. The man. I answer the man.
Bo: Oh!
[Shakes head]
The: Damn you!
Bo: Too bad, so sad. Now send me back up, fish fingers.
The: Was it the woman? I must know.
Bo: Hey, I was kind of hoping you could tell me because as far as I know there is no answer.
The: You cheated!
Bo: Uh, no. I Bo'd it. And yes, that is trademarked.

Kenzi: I need to try something new. Something for me. Something human? And for the first time in I don't even remember I'm okay with that. I need to go.
Bo: Kenzi...
Kenzi: Hale left me some Santiago land off the coast of Spain.
Bo: Wow. You've never been out of the country.
Kenzi: Never even had a legitimate passport. It seems like a sign.
Bo: [Walks her to the door] We're sisters. We're in each other's lives for good.
Kenzi: Hell, I couldn't even keep you out of my afterlife.

Fitzpatrick: This is a huge responsibility you've taken on.
Kenzi: I just picked up a frikkin' stick!
Fitzpatrick: That's how destiny works. One day you're you, and the next day-...
Kenzi: I'm a superhero.
[sighs]
Kenzi: Pro I could be awesome, forever.
Fitzpatrick: Yup.
Kenzi: Okay... Con I would have to learn how to do everything with my left hand and I mean *everything*.

Nosyd: Wait, you'll get lost. And you can't catch your own food.
Bo: Well, then I guess we'll just starve to death.
Thomasina: Speak for yourself, I'm gonna Donner Party that shit.

Vex: There you are, my little crumpet! Ah, ah, ah, it's not nice to point! Let's see how you like it!

Fitzpatrick: Where was Dyson born?
Ciara: [as Hale] What's Dyson's favorite food?
Detective: [as Ciara] What's Dyson's favorite position?
Kenzi: [as Dyson] Ciara...
Lauren: Honestly, lady-...
Detective: Not sure? Well, why don't we ask Bo.

Tamsin: [Delivering a body] We brought you a patient.
Lauren: Yeah. I don't think she's going to make it.

Sgt: Your rap sheet. Or the rap sheet for some of you. Kenzi Williams, Kenzi McAdams, Kenzi Rogers. Also, Rhino Levine, Ninotchka Alexandrovich and... Tony Soprano.
Kenzi: Oh yeah, that last one was a boondoggle!
[Officer gives her a look]
Kenzi: But it wasn't my fault. Big mix-up at the passport office.

Ciara: You know I find it so strange that a high-ranking Light Fae police detective spends so much of his time running errands for a bartender.
Dyson: You haven't seen my tab.

Bo: Nice decor. Early Tolkien?
Fitzpatrick: Where do you think he got it from?

Dyson: Dr. Lewis, she is a genius. She somehow managed to mix a Fae DNA with yours.
Isaac: I know it. I can feel it.
Dyson: ...But it wasn't mine. You're half human. Half... Cabbit.
Isaac: No. No!
Dyson: Despite you forcing them to do it, Fae don't usually eat Fae. But for you, I think I'm gonna make an exception.

The: You'll pay!
Paulo: Yeah? What are you gonna do? Unsexy break dance me to death?

Bo: How do you find someone who could be anywhere?
Detective: Ah - Sounds like you need to see The Eye.
Kenzi: The Eye? Any relation to The Schnoz?

Lachlan: When it comes to Fae nobility there are only three clans that matter. The Zamora, Bukharin and Fin Arvin. All uber rich and very powerful and would kill each other in a heartbeat in order to gain more power and more money.
Bo: Like the mob, but with mermaids.

Bo: I'm looking for a fresh start, actually We both are. My sister Kenzi here just left rehab.
Kenzi: Anti-depressants. Turns out there is such a thing as "too perky".
Susan: And you?
Bo: Well, my partner Laur - -ence and I we're taking a break.
Kenzi: He left her at the altar. For our other sister. I can't even...
Susan: Oh, sweetie, you'll be better off for it. I learned that after my second divorce.

Kenzi: How you feeling? Is anyone buying Lauren's lame cover as a Doctor?
Bo: Lauren *is* a Doctor, Kenzi.
Kenzi: Sure.

Kenzi: Don't go all Children of the Corn on me, Dougie.
Dougie: It's Doug! Dougie's dead. And if we wanna get rid of Lady Polly we're gonna have to give her a sacrifice.
Kenzi: I nominate Dougie. He's dead anyways.

Iris: What can you do?
Mark: I'm a Shifter.
Iris: I know, but shift into what? I like pandas.
Mark: I don't know yet. Kinda starting to wish I did though.

Bo: I'm sorry that I couldn't save Hale. And I'm sorry that I wasn't there to save you.
Kenzi: It was my turn to do the saving. Can you give a girl that?
Bo: How many times have you saved me?
Kenzi: ...A few?
Bo: Since we first met. You saved me every single day, in ways that you could never understand. In ways that I can barely understand. You just did.

Fitzpatrick: What evening adventures are afoot for the loveliest ladies in the six counties?
Lauren: Well I'm working on some new injections to curb Bo's hunger. She's developed a resistance to the old ones and since I can't keep up with her voracious sexual appetite, we're looking for someone who can satisfy her coital requirements.
Fitzpatrick: [Seriously regrets asking] ... So many glasses... must polish
[Leaves]

Tamsin: When was the last time you fed?
Bo: I don't know... I can't remember.
Tamsin: You need a snack, so you can feed off of me.
Bo: I kind of hate you.
Tamsin: I don't exactly love it either.

Acacia: You opened up. Learned to be vulnerable. So now you're able to exploit the vulnerability in others.
Tamsin: She broke my heart.
Acacia: Silver lining: it made you stronger.

Bo: I've been to my share of bad family reunions, believe me, but this is crazy town.

Bo: Guys, I told you. I need to do this on my own.
Dyson: We are your family. Your weird...
[Looks at Lauren]
Dyson: ... Complicated; completely dysfunctional family But we are your family nonetheless.
Bo: You are my family. And I'm the luckiest girl in the whole world. Which is why I can not let you risk your lives for me.
Dyson: Bo...
Bo: Catch, lover.
[Blows kiss]
Bo: [Turns to Hugnin and Munin] Fly.
[They disappear]
Lauren: You know that kiss was for me, right?
Dyson: Yeah, you just keep telling yourself that.

Kenzi: I just need - I just need a little wee recap just to make sure I got everything right, okay? Um, Saskia is really Aife. Aife is really your mother. And last night Dyson really, really banged your Mom.
Bo: Well, I think technically she banged him, but yeah.

Kenzi: [Walking in on Bo in bed] Drop everything! I found this total amaze-balls case for us!
Bo: Maybe a topic for conversation at a more non-naked time, Kenzi.

Kenzi: [about Lauren] She is bossy, territorial, and controlling.
Bo: She thinks you're immature, irresponsible and clingy.
Kenzi: [Offended] She does?
Bo: Oh, you've said those things about yourself.
Kenzi: Yeah, but when *I* say it, it is adorable.

Tulip: How long have you been together?
Bo: I don't know!
Tulip: Well, practically forever then! How did you meet?
Bo: I don't know that either.
Tulip: Well, it's the love between you that matters.
Bo: Yeah, I think I really love him! I really like...
[Thinks]
Bo: Oh, his jacket!

Dyson: I know you think you can't be with Bo. But you're wrong. It's messy. Yes, it's complicated. And it's worth it.
Lauren: You know, I used to worry about her, what would happen to her when I die. And I realized, I don't have to. She'll have you.

Warden: Very nice... But I want you to scrub a little slower.
Bo: And I thought working retail was humiliating.

Dyson: Look, I've heard about some strange behavior at this school. Know anything about it?
Evan: See, that's what I'm talking about, dude. One second Jenny's all flirty flirty flirting with me and then the next, she's acting like I ran over Drake.
Dyson: ...Who's Drake?

The: [Watching Bo and Lauren make-out] Booorrr-ing! What's next, are you going to braid each other's hair? Scissor already!
Bo: If we'd wanted an audience, we would've charged admission.
The: And at this rate, I would have asked for a refund.

Massimo: [about Tamsin] She just got her wings. Do you know what that means?
Bo: Monthly cramps, bloating?

Dyson: [about Tamsin] Her memories, they will come back eventually right?
Fitzpatrick: Valkyries deal in the souls of the dead. They see so much carnage in one lifetime that sometimes they repress those memories in the next.
Dyson: Shit.
Kenzi: Language.

Lauren: Who could possibly need that much caffeine?
Kenzi: Us! We! We're taking a case. Can I get a 'wha' wha'.
Lauren: What?
Dyson: What?
Kenzi: Okay, not what I had in mind.

Tamsin: It's another old book that is... blank.
Kenzi: What did you say?
Tamsin: What about the books? Or the more old books?
Kenzi: About the blank.
Tamsin: Yeah. This one here. Empty. Nothing doing.
[Passes book over]
Kenzi: Oh my god. This is it.
Tamsin: What?
Kenzi: This is what we have to do.
Tamsin: Oh like, you mean draw weird dicks in there?

Bo: We could end up way over our heads, I mean, maybe even having, you know, S-E-X!
Ryan: You really don't remember who you are, do you?

Nain: I'm here to warn. My nature draws me to impending disaster: terror, tragedy, plague. To bear witness.
Bo: So... What's drawing you here now? My love life?

Dyson: How about Kenzi and I take the field? I've been training her.
Kenzi: As a shadow thief. Check your panties.
[Holds up a purple thong]
Kenzi: Anyone missing any panties?
Lauren: You have got to stop doing that!
Dyson: I did not teach her to do *that*.

The: No, you wouldn't dare.
Kenzi: Oh yes, I would. I'm human remember? We drive SUV's, and we dump raw sewage into pretty lakes, and we will burn this planet to the ground if it means just one more cheeseburger.

Bo: There's no way I'm Dark.
The: Please. We're no different from the Light. Did I get judgey on you just now? Yes! But I'm already over it.
Bo: My day is saved.

Bo: You cut out Siegfried's heart, and forced a woman to drown her own children.
Vex: Well, I never said I was perfect, did I?

Dyson: I don't get this everywhere I go today women are freaking out on me!
William: Well now you're among friends.

Vex: Do you think I made the Morrigan my sex puppet for fun?
Bo: Ew.

Tamsin: In about three seconds Fugly over there calls Brunette by the wrong name.
Fugly: You're so hot, Christie.
Bottle: [Slaps him] That's not my name!
Fugly: Oh... Carrie.
Bottle: [Slaps him again] It's Jeanette.
Fugly: I was way off.

Zee: You can't leave, I'm not finished.
Bo: Well, there's a first time for everything.

Tamsin: You always do dissections this close to your kitchen?
Lauren: Occasionally.
Tamsin: Oh, ever switch a liver for liver?
Lauren: Rarely

Amanda: The least we can do is take this nasty bullet out. I'll scrub in.
Bo: [Skeptical] You're a doctor?
Amanda: No, but I've been pre-med for 20 years. I love college.
Kasey: I'll prep the patient. Do we have time for a makeover?
Amanda: It's a horizontal laceration, Kasey.
[Smiles]
Amanda: Of course we do!
Bo: [sighs] Ginger bitches.

Bo: [Creating a riddle] She's brilliant. He's strong. Her life is little, his life is long. Both loves are pure, both loves are true... if you were I who would you choose?
The: Who would I choose? What what do you mean? Choose?
Bo: As in choice?
The: This is a trick!
The: Oh, Lady, it is annoying hell. At times it is emotionally crippling. But if it's a trick? Then someone up there has quite the sense of humour.

Vex: A point for trying to win. But minus a point for not noticing my jubblies in this bra.

Earl: [Playing chess] Actually, you're not allowed to do that.
Kenzi: Why not?
Earl: Bishops don't go that way.
Kenzi: 'Cause of their religion?

Stacey: [about Trick] Looked like he cares. Might do for Freyja. Noble barkeep. Heart of gold.
Dyson: Heart of a drunk. Trick lives up to his name. He's a liar and into very unsavoury things. Pixies.
Stacey: At his age?

Lauren: I didn't really expect The Morrigan just to show up with pizza and beer.
Evony: Well, it's not a moving day party without some 'za, and a little something from my own personal microbrewery.
[Passes bottle]
Lauren: Oh, wow. "Dark Belch" .
Evony: I was going through a redneck phase.

Dyson: Bo, meet Eddie, Light Fae. Likes to wear corpses around and gets himself in all kinds of trouble.
Eddie: Ha! Remember those Elvis sightings back in the 70-s? Yeah, that was all Eddie.

Kenzi: I owe him! Massimo. A lot. Okay, and I've been stealing to pay him.
Bo: Kenz.
Kenzi: From Trick!
Bo: Kenzi!
Kenzi: And from Hale. I gave him the Twig of Zamora.
Bo: Are you crazy? Wait, I don't know what that is.

Massimo: No phone calls, no letters. No correspondence of any kind. For five long years. And now all of a sudden, you can't live without me. What can I say? I'm touched.
Evony: If there's one thing that life has taught me, it's that I can definitely live without you. But, I agree. You are "touched".

Fitzpatrick: Preta are extremely greedy creatures. Driven to satisfy their desires but unable to fulfill them.
[Shows book]
Fitzpatrick: Some have insatiable appetites but can't swallow food. Others have unquenchable thirst but when liquid touches their lips it evaporates. Others still have overwhelming sexual urges but-...
Bo: Fae-ED, I get the picture.

Evony: You never said there would be leaking!
Lauren: No, but I did say being human comes with quirks.
Evony: Well, I'm all Wes Anderson'd out.

Kenzi: I know I'd like to get out of here before you swallow me whole, so thank you.
[pauses]
Kenzi: You called me human.
Engelram: I should have realized it sooner. There was something so vulnerable about your tango-...
Kenzi: Oh, Cobra Commander.
Engelram: I granted your wish, now I *am* going to swallow you whole. Isn't that a fair trade?

Vex: Why the hell would I help you do that?
Dyson: Because if you don't: I may have to tell the Una Mens that you exaggerated the details of young Evony's demise.
Vex: What?
Dyson: ! I can smell her back there, Vex. In her little cell.
Vex: She died.
Dyson: Oh, she's "rotten", all right, but she's not "rotting".

Lauren: Your Elder is suffering from a form of spongiform encephalopathy. The digestive results show that he's been feeding off his own kind, blood relatives. He's going Mad Fae. Course of treatment: Oh, I don't know, maybe lay off the incest a little bit.

Dyson: [Looking at a photo of Bo] This woman is beautiful.
Kenzi: Yeah, if you're into, like, faces and bodies.

Kenzi: I've been gone for five minutes and Dyson turns daddy, Bo's Daddy got the welcome Magneto cell, and Dyson has a hunky, yummy, hold-no-pecs son.
Bo: You said that already.
Kenzi: It bears repeating.

Kenzi: Gina's not just ignoring her mom. No action on her debit or credit. Ditto on her data and cell plan since Monday.
Bo: So no shopping, no texting, no *talking*; in 48 hours.
Kenzi: Which makes her either dead or over 40.

Dyson: And you.
Kenzi: Yes?
Dyson: You are weak, pathetic, and you need glasses.
Kenzi: Oh, wow. That's... That's kind of mean.
Dyson: It's a miracle you've survived this long, Kenz. You might just be the strongest person I have ever met.

Bo: Were you on the train?
Kathy: What train?
Julia: Mom "train" is obviously slang for heroin. I mean, just look at her.

Vex: So Aussie... Is that short for Oswald; he said feigning interest.
Aussie: No. Australia, mate. I wanted to go ever since I was a kid, and the name kind of stuck. But I've never even been on a plane.
Vex: At least it's an uplifting story.

Sadie: I love your hair. Where do you get it done?
Bo: Oh- Um- My bathroom.

Bo: I don't want to hurt you lady, now step away from the pervert.

Bo: If I murder the Ash, do we have another Stag Hunt or does the job just go directly to Hale?
Fitzpatrick: I am hoping this is merely a hypothetical exercise.

Tad: I'm the most efficient person at Alaria. And in the spirit of efficiency, let's make this quick.
Kenzi: Right. Does your disability ever affect your work?
Tad: Does your leave-in shampoo seep into your scalp and affect yours?

Bo: What do I call you anyway, huh? Saskia? Aife?
Saskia: "Mom" has a nice ring to it.
Bo: I have a mom. Her name is Mary. She knits wicked afghans, helped me with all of my homework, and never once abandoned me to figure out my true nature all by myself.
Saskia: ...I could knit. You don't know.

Bo: Anything upstairs?
Kenzi: Uh, just a fancy gitch collection. I'd say milady was single and ready to crotch mingle.
Bo: Oh, Kenzi. You have the soul of a poet.
Kenzi: I know this.
Bo: I guess Allison was a little bit more sentimental.
[Looks at the bookshelf]
Bo: I mean, check out these titles. "The Gigantic Romantic". "Don't Let Love Go, or Love Will Let Go of You". Actually, I bought this one, too.

Vex: So what does the genius get, you know, who organized this little Kumbaya?
Lauren: You get your hand re-attached. By me. Right now.
Dyson: Drunken' surgery! I'll be the nurse.

Hugin: There's no need to get violent.
Dyson: Shut it or I'll tear your throat out.
Lauren: And I'll pump you both so full of Fae STD's your little egg fertilizers will drop right off.

Tamsin: [Scrolling through a Fae dating site] Ooh, check out SelkieStud69 and his all too small tank top. I'mma need a moment.
Bo: You already had thirty moments with BradPitsTroll!

Flora: You have to hide.
Dyson: Signal if you need me.
Flora: I can handle this.
Dyson: You don't wanna give me a safe word?
Flora: Oui: Back off!

Tamsin: Is this what you want? To destroy everything?
Zee: Everybody likes a fresh start.
Tamsin: For what? So you can sit in this monolith by yourself? What's the point? I hope you enjoy your own company. At least I won't die alone.

Susan: I hate stupid book club. And gluten-free bread. And killing innocent people!
Caroline: Tim wasn't innocent! He cheated on me! Over and over and over!
Susan: I'm talking about Sam! The hot new dad on the block. Who rejected you when you tried to sleep with him.
Caroline: Nobody rejects me.
Susan: Ha! Everyone does! Our yoga instructor, our mechanic, Eleanor's eighteen year old son! Suck on that vegan energy bar, you bitch!

Kenzi: Yesterday it was the two-headed thingie that looked like Regis. Then before that it was that hotdog vendor that turned out to be a fire- breathing...
Bo: I wanna say, frog?
Kenzi: Jellyfish?

Lauren: Great, I've tried Atropine to stop the poison. No change. Which brings us to steroid cocktails. Or the whim of a moth. Graduated top of my class, summa cum laude, and I can't even resolve a simple bug bite.

Kenzi: Concierge said they're in the Hummingbird Room. Don't panic, she also said there was a wedding dress involved.
Fitzpatrick: Oh, no.
Kenzi: Yeah! I just think they should get a quickie divorce with their quickie wedding.
Fitzpatrick: Fae don't believe in divorce. Not for the first thousand years.
Kenzi: *What*?
Fitzpatrick: What, like it's so wrong to expect people to give it a real shot?

Bo: Vex!
Vex: I'm sorry, am I disturbing you? Oh wait, it's the other way around.

Kenzi: So what now?
Bo: All we have to do is find a girl dressed in black In the middle of a goth club.
Kenzi: Oh. Rapid calculation... That is about everybody, including me, In a "pigeonhole me and die" sort of way.

Fitzpatrick: Are you sure this spirit was Bo?
Kenzi: It communicated with Lauren and me. And trust me, I know about this stuff, Trick. I know a familiar ghost when I see one. Well not see, but, you get it.

Kenzi: Learn to enjoy your shit already, you can frickin' control people by touch, and not in a creepy hand job way. That is awesome.

Alicia: You weren't kidding about your fridge. You've got no milk, but five different kinds of mustard.

Tamsin: [Looking around Trick's place] Books. Old books. More old books older than the other old books.

Vex: Oh, go ahead and merge naughty bits already! I mean, seriously, am I the only one seeing this?

Tamsin: They're causing all kinds of stanks so, we gotta "take care" of them.
[Mimes shooting]
Tamsin: If you catch my drift.
Dyson: No, that was a little subtle maybe you could do it again with sound effects?
Tamsin: You're funny. Almost.

Anna: It is time for the feast.
Kenzi: I'm hungry and everything, but a feast? Here? This is insane.
Anna: This meal is not for us. We make do with slop.
Kenzi: [Hopeful] Delicious slop?

Bo: Don't freak out!
Kenzi: I'm freaking out.
Bo: What did I just say?

Whicher: That is a big knife for a bartender.
Fitzpatrick: Depends on the bar.

Russell: That box - Balinese.
Kenzi: I love Balinesia!

Lauren: Welcome to my world. You're one hundred percent human.
[Evony throughs out her hand]
Lauren: Are you trying to melt me? That's adorable.
Evony: How?
Lauren: I used your own DNA to create the serum that transformed you.
Evony: What serum?
Lauren: Ow, forgotten already? It's only 20 minutes ago you were down there.

Laveau: My gifts are at your service, Succubus.
Bo: You know me?
Laveau: Everybody knows you, girl. You took out the high council of hate. And are involved with a man of mystery.

Bo: What do you think?
Kenzi: Well, if it's suicide, I think he seriously should have rethought his last outfit.

Tamsin: You're going back to Freyja empty handed. See what it's like to be in her bad books for once.
Stacey: Valhalla's books will still be unbalanced!
Tamsin: Well, so are my boobs, but I make do.

Aife: I need to speak with the talented private investigator. My name is Aife.
Kenzi: I remember you, lady. You made Ash who talks like Batman, go boom.

Pietra: This is the most amazing day, it's like a dream come true! Being on an actual assignment with Bo, the insanely hot Succubus, and Lauren the genius Doctor! I get to be part of something instead of having to devour sloppy seconds

Kenzi: You're gonna cook?
Bo: I'm pretty sure I can crack an egg, Kenzi. How hard can it be?
[Goes to the kitchen]
Kenzi: This is not the Bo that I recall.
[Turns to Lauren]
Kenzi: So, what d'ya say, Doc? Body swap? Morrigan parasite? Last night's sushi, which I totally might've gotten at the dollar store...

Kenzi: [Waiting to be executed by the Una Mens] I always imagined I'd go motel pool-side. You know Twizzler in one hand. Liam Neeson in the other.

Dyson: Yes, it's blood.
Bo: Well, I know it's blood, but is it his or hers?
Dyson: It's cow blood, Ladies. Enjoy.

Kenzi: Oh, my God! Total 9-1-1! Goblins have stormed our kitchen, and they are eating our sugar pops!

Amanda: Tamsin's clearly at the end of her life cycle. Lookie.
[Shows Tamsin's hair falling out]
Bo: She is. She's dying.
Amanda: Also, split ends.

Bo: That unbelievable dick-wad Lachlan somehow tricked Lauren into recommitting herself to the Light Fae.
Kenzi: *What*?
Bo: I'm gonna choke the lucky charms right out of his purple little heart.

Kenzi: So not only does this "ass-wang" have a very unfortunate name but it also eats dead people? And nobody thought to mention this to me? Like, "hey, Kenzi, watch out for random body parts" or, you know, "by the way, foot soup"!

Acacia: Fear is the enemy of the Valkyrie. A true Valkyrie is brave. Open. Proud. If that is not something you're interested in, there is a Pixie Beauty School down the road

Dyson: [about Kenzi] Is she contagious?
Lab: Not unless you plan on eating her.

Bo: If Jack created the Pyrippus, he needs it.
Kenzi: Uh huh.
Bo: I need to go to him.
Kenzi: *What*? You said we can't just go in there-...
Bo: If he is trying to break my spirit like I'm some kind of wild horse, then I have to help him with the next step.
Kenzi: Which is?
Bo: I surrender.

Tamsin: If you won't admit the truth, there are other ways to get answers.
Freyja: On what authority? I am the Mistress of Valhalla.
Tamsin: No. You left. Now you're just a girl in a bad dress.

Kenzi: Um - It tastes like something crawled in the food and died.
Ryan: [Excited] That's because it did! It's tripe! Cow stomach lining!
Kenzi: Stomach lining?
[Spits it out]

Darren: There's over a dozen pearls here. Do you know what this means?
Kenzi: She loves buck-a-shuck Tuesdays?

Bo: I am so sorry about earlier. I didn't realize you guys were coming.
Kenzi: I didn't know you were either.

Vex: Now what should we do for the finale? The worm perhaps? While naked!
The: VEX!

Bo: I can't control it. I can't risk hurting people again. I can't risk hurting you guys again.
Dyson: Bo, you've tapped into it before. Without him. After your Dawning, with the Lich. To save us!
Lauren: Look, Dyson's right. You controlled it.
Bo: No, I didn't. It just happened.
Tamsin: Because you're evil!
Dyson: Not helping.
Lauren: You know what, let her, she's actually pretty good at this.

Stella: Your empathy for the human species is commendable. But it's not the ancient way of the Fae.
Bo: Maybe not. But it's *my* way.

Kenzi: Hey guys, how would I know if the dude was inside me?
Detective: Been awhile?

Kenzi: Why isn't there an app for navigating shipyards? There's an app for turning people into Zombies.

Kenzi: My head is pounding harder than a sailor on shore leave.

Lachlan: I've been asking around about you. Got kind of a casual approach to Faedom, haven't you?
Bo: Kind of like your approach to locked doors?

Hugin: The Wanderer is a great man. And a father to many.
Fitzpatrick: If he's such a great man why doesn't he show his face? Why does he hide behind cheap lies and theatrics?
Hugin: Hmm. I really don't know. But perhaps you could tell me why the Blood King has to hide behind a bar at a local watering hole?

Ryan: I'm a Loki.
Bo: What? As in the Norse God of mischief, Loki?
Ryan: Not THE Loki, *a* Loki. There's a great big family of us. And the whole God thing, that was just PR back in the day.

Caroline: Oh my God! That is better than sex.
Bo: Then you're doing it wrong.

Tamsin: These people don't seem so bad. What's the difference between Light and Dark anyway?
Kenzi: Well, the Light are assholes. And The Dark are... assholes... who have fun.

The: Challenger chooses the mode of combat. What'll it be, honey? Pistols? Swords?
Tamsin: I just wanna dance!
The: ...Okay, first time for everything. Dance-off it is... to the death!

Bo: [Posing as a therapist] So, Connor how do you feel about what Manny just said?
Connor: Insulted. I mean, I do not use my job as an excuse to avoid sex.
Manny: So you had to drive to the hospital at 10:30 last night?
Connor: For bloodwork. That saves people.
Manny: You're a dermatologist!

Thomasina: I'm Thomasina.
Bo: And I'm dreaming.
Thomasina: Standing up? I thought only horses did that.

Bo: What happened when you delivered Kenzi's soul?
Tamsin: I wish I could tell you.
Bo: Whatever it is: Hell fires, evil dragons, sexy dragons I don't care, I can handle it.

The: Oh, Bruce you disappoint me.
Bruce: I'm Steve
The: How did this happen?
Bruce: It's not my fault, she had an army.
The: Don't insult my intelligence! You're a worse liar than your brother, Eric.
Bruce: Dave.
The: I don't care!

Nadia: I don't know what's real and what's a dream. I remember attacking you in the shower... That didn't really happen, did it?
Lauren: Yeah, it did.
Nadia: [Breaks down] I didn't mean to-...
Lauren: It's okay, I know you're not yourself right now.
Nadia: Then who am I?

Kenzi: Well alright, while you go all nineties, I'll just be here with a stick of Big Red.
Bo: So we can heist a little longer?
Kenzi: Should I call Catherine Zeta Jones?
Bo: Oh please. Other than a thinly veiled Welsh accent, that chick's got nothing on me.
Kenzi: Ninety-nine problems coming at you from all directions in your life, and here you are, still standing. That's my girl.
Bo: Ninety nine problems.
[Looks at the laser grid]
Bo: Let's hope balance ain't one.

Dyson: Kenzi, you need to get out.
Kenzi: But we haven't solved it yet!
Dyson: Doesn't matter, get out. Do you copy?
Lauren: What is it Dyson? A flesh eater?
Kenzi: Sharknado?
Dyson: Worse. Mermaids.

Dyson: Okay, if you were at your clinic right now, and you were attacked, what would you use?
Lauren: To make someone unconscious, etorphine or go home. For paralysis, tabun spray. And to kill: digoxin. Or I could go classic with a good ol' fashioned batrachotoxin dart.
[Dyson smiles]
Lauren: What?

William: I have taken the liberty of writing out all the times that I have bailed you out.
Kenzi: Seriously?
William: [Reads] One, erased all your parking tickets from the police database. Two, rescued you from that Minotaur.
Kenzi: He was only a little drunk.
William: Three, nodded knowingly when you told Bo her shoes were stolen by cobbler elves...

Blake: Mitch and Chloe have this rather exclusive clique.
Bo: And Chloe is...?
Blake: His wife. The bitch of the ball. Look at her - -
[Nods at a woman by the pool]
Blake: Cheap teeth, cheap tan. Cheap *tits*. It beats me what they get up to behind closed doors, but they've all made each other obscenely rich.
Dyson: And which closed doors would those be?
Blake: Every month their little group has an after-hours invite-only scotch tasting. There's one tonight, in fact. Probably to plot world domination.

Bo: I am not gonna help you murder Jason.
Vex: Oh - Blood oath. He won't die. Just bring him to me so I can see if my suspicions are right - See if The Morrigan has it in for me or not.
Bo: And then?
Vex: I'll hand Jason back, and you can buy a place with walls.

Fitzpatrick: I wonder maybe I should go with you. I knew Roman long ago and if there's trouble at the club, I might be able to talk to him.
Kenzi: You wanna get kinky at a sex club with your granddaughter?
Fitzpatrick: That is in no way what I said.

Vex: Your plan to murder me failed, and in a lovely twist of irony, your friend, the dominatrix, now finds herself in bondage.

Kenzi: [Talking to herself while organizing Bo's room] You got champagne, chocolate; both lube and actual chocolate. And I got a lead on some Victoria Secret models. And I'm not talking catalogue, hon. I'm talkin' runway.

Fitzpatrick: This is serious.
Detective: Seriously bad timing. We're trapped in a bar, maybe for days and *this* is the night the new waitress has off?

Bo: You look like hell.
Kenzi: I look like college.
[sighs]
Kenzi: For preppies, those girls can hang. Turns out "girls' night" was code for "drink until your lips fall off and you start over-sharing". I think I touched a boob.

Bo: Did you feel that? That was like the fourth of July in my mouth.

Tryst: When he first hit the street I was his Artful Dodger, always keeping him out of trouble.
Bo: You never read Oliver Twist did you?
Tryst: Maybe. What kind of stuff he write?

Bo: [Confronting Mark] Call me old fashioned, but I really don't like being stolen from.
Tamsin: [Menacing] Do you know what we do to thieves?
Bo: Do you want to take it down a notch?
Tamsin: Can I talk to you?
Bo: Now?
Tamsin: Yeah, like we agreed.
Bo: Okay.
[They move aside slightly]
Bo: Go ahead.
Tamsin: *I* feel really disrespected when you back seat drive on my bad cop routine.
Bo: Okay. Well, *I* hear you. But sometimes *I* wish you would try a different approach. Maybe something a little sunnier.
Tamsin: Well, *I* hear you. But I have been doing this a very long time and I would really appreciate and value your patience.
Bo: Well, I give you my patience---
[Mark tries to make a break for it]
Bo: Don't even think about it!

Bo: She can do... whatever that was?
Vex: Why do you think she's leader of the dark?

Tamsin: Do you really think I'm going to let a little human get in the way of my true potential?
Kenzi: Your true potential used to be eating a box of Vector in one sitting!

Ciara: Ah, the Wolf Spirit. Stefan went in search of her once, before he asked for my hand.
Dyson: What happened?
Ciara: He ate some truly awful mushrooms, and spent three days talking to a tree. Lovely man.

Kenzi: LP came to the party early!
Dougie: [Running] Come on! We can lose her in the field!
Kenzi: Oh, great! Nothing bad ever happens in the field!

Maganda: I am Maganda. It means "pretty of the forest".
Bo: I'm Bo. It means, uh well, Bo.

Vex: Oi, cupcakes, eh, toothpaste?
Kenzi: Footlocker.
Bo: And take off my kimono!

Elizabeth: When you approach, be sure to use short sentences. And, she's a sucker for legalese. So use lawyerly speak whenever you can.
Bo: I object! No really. That is all I got.

Redcap: It tingles.
The: This won't.

Lauren: These are urine samples from the football players. They're fascinating.
Bo: Urine samples are fascinating?
Lauren: Urine samples can reveal all kinds of secrets about the human body. It's a fountain- poor choice of words- of information.
Bo: Gives new meaning to "golden shower".

Fitzpatrick: Yule is a sacred celebration of contrition, not some Franken-holiday concocted to sell melon ballers.
Kenzi: You have Rudolph on your sweater.
Fitzpatrick: It's Eikpyrnir, the stag!
Kenzi: He has a Red Nose! It's Rudolph.

Lauren: I can see the baby's head! The baby's crowning.
Sylvie: Is he cute?
Lauren: Um, well, I mean, his head looks very symmetrical.

Bamber: The beautiful Ianka has been in my family for centuries.
Bo: Yeah, well, four score and a bunch of years ago, Lincoln threw down and slavery went the way of the Dodo.

Lauren: Less Gaelic wisdom, more looking for makeshift surgical tools!

Bo: Why are you always lurking around me?
Nain: You are... Significant.
Bo: Oh, boy, here we go again...
Nain: The extinction of the Fae is upon us.
Bo: The extinction?
Nain: I'm sorry, do I need to use smaller words? Fae go bye-bye?

Lauren: It's not a pearl it's a crystallized salt deposit.
Dyson: Did you just say crystallized salt deposit?
Lauren: Can that sentence be mistaken for some other sentence?

Lauren: An Edimmu. I wanted it so badly to be Bo.
Kenzi: You had sex with it!
Lauren: It kissed my neck!

Bo: That's okay, Tamsin. No need to grab our weapons and come right back to the pub, I can take down the Clurichaun all by myself, really.
Tamsin: Sorry about that. Y'know I was totally on my way back when I just happened to bang into... Well, I banged this guy.
Tad: Tad.
Tamsin: Sshhhh.

Tamsin: You've disappointed me. You've failed. You should be unconscious by now.

Fitzpatrick: It's a symbol of the Una Mens. They're descending on our little 'colony' because things have gotten real messy in the past few years.
Kenzi: I blame Bieber Fever.

Tamsin: This smells good.
[Reaches for takeout bag]
Bo: Ah-ah-ah.
Tamsin: We could share.
Bo: Well, that depends. Are you gonna share?
[Looks at Tad]
Tamsin: Oh, Frank! It's your lucky night because my Succubus friend got her mojo back and she's hornier than a monkey with eight dicks.
Bo: Or something feminine and sexy.

Kenzi: Fine, I'll pose as your honey. Temporarily. No smooching, no groping, and no magical Fae impregnations.

Tamsin: How did humans take down a wolf?
Bo: With this.
[Hands her a vial]
Bo: The Bartender poisoned him, then poisoned himself before I could question him.
Tamsin: [Reads label] Bitch, this better not be your Lauren.
Bo: I'm afraid so.
Tamsin: Well, ain't that just a Shit Sandwich that eats like a meal.
Bo: It gets worse. The disguise they were using so they wouldn't be detected by Fae was the same disguise Lauren used to fool the warden when we were in Hecuba Prison.
Tamsin: Wait now, so one of your ex's took out the other?
Bo: Well, when you say it like that it sounds weird.

Bo: A spider bit me and I went kinda 'nam, but I healed myself.
Dyson: Healed how? You didn't use Kenzi, did you?
Bo: No, I fed off Hale.
Dyson: Fed *how* exactly from Hale?
Bo: Will you just focus!

The: In raising my dolls back from the dead, I get to experience their very specific talents. I've "been" world class athletes, bloodthirsty generals, brilliant physicists - A long life is only worthwhile if one can fill it with the extraordinary.

Bo: Something about this guy...
Tamsin: He's broke?
Bo: No, something familiar.
Tamsin: He's broke?

Bo: What are you thinking?
Kenzi: I'm thinking: what happens to cats when their owners die? Who's gonna pay the hydro bill? What even IS hydro?

Fitzpatrick: It would be best if only the noble families stayed.
Kenzi: Hey, I could have noble blood. No, like if some Duke boned my great-great-grandmother. I am sure she was a real hot wench.

Lauren: I wanna try the axe again.
Dyson: Maybe when you're a little less agitated.
Lauren: Maybe you give me something other than "from the wrist".
Dyson: What d'you want, a physics equation?
Lauren: [Perks up] You have one?

Tamsin: Did somebody spike your brewski?
Dyson: Dude this one time? That totally happened. I got to be Kenzi. Nailed it.

Lauren: How are you?
Vex: Well, liking life. Loving that succubus.

Kenzi: [Ominous whispering] Do you hear that?
Bo: What?
Kenzi: I don't know. It sounds like like whispering kids or giggling elves. Did you bring home elves last night? I'm not judging. I just want to know.

Bo: Heads we go West. Tails we go East.
[Tosses coin]
Bo: Tails it is.
Tamsin: [Notices Bo has grown a tail] You're not kidding.

Bo: Now we know, anyone could be Fae.
Kenzi: My bets on wiener dude.

Kenzi: How did you do that?
Detective: I got skills.
Kenzi: Will you marry me?
Detective: Nah, you drink too much.

Tamsin: Frank, that was a solid b-plus!
Tad: It's it's Tad.
Tamsin: You're hilarious.

Lauren: Bo, what happened? Who did this to you?
Bo: Oh it's uh, Red Caps. I uhm... I need...
Lauren: To heal, yes! Of course!
[unbutton blouse]
Bo: Oh no... uhm no... I was gonna say an aspirin.
Lauren: Right...
[disappointed]

Vex: well, what's so important about Trick, anyway? Yes, he let's you drink for free, but he's hardly worth you putting your lives, and more importantly, my life, on the line.
Bo: Trick is architect of the peace.
Vex: You're trying to tell me that imp is the blood king?... I never touched this.

Kenzi: I was thinking-...
Bo: We find it first.
Kenzi: Bingo. Or as they say in Spain
Kenzi: Bingo.

Tamsin: Tox screen on the street pizza?
Dyson: Can you not call him that?
Tamsin: Tox screen on the street pasta?

Fitzpatrick: Kenzie, you need to get out of here. An Alkonost's song can hurt humans.
Kenzi: After nearly four years of your nerve-shredding fiddle-dee-pluck-me-holy-cloveers -shoot-me-in-face music; I think I can handle it.

Bo: [Gets dizzy] It's all that driving...
Kenzi: Okay, uh, go splash some water on your face.
Dougie: Cleanest pissers in Grimley county!
Kenzi: Yeah, Bo, you don't wanna miss the pissers.

Bo: It's true. Her name is not Lauren. It's Karen. Karen Beattie.
Kenzi: Okay, not the sexiest moniker. Kinda get why she might have changed it.

Bo: What about our stuff?
Massimo: You'll get back what I haven't burnt. Did you a favour, trust me. Those accent tables?
[Makes a face]

Dyson: This used to be a spirit night.
William: I used to be the Ash and now I'm a disgrace. Don't see me crying... in public.

Tamsin: Say, do you guys know where the mall is?

Vex: So, what should we do then darling? My vote, we get rip-roaring drunk and settling into a stack of oh I dunno, something Rachel McAdams-y,

Bo: [to Trick] Your candy jar's is being put to good use. Finally.
Kenzi: [to Bo] Usually it's your "candy jar" to the rescue.
Fitzpatrick: Can we please, for once, not talk about my granddaughter's "candy" in front of me?
Kenzi: Ew.
Bo: Trick!
Fitzpatrick: Oh now I'm crossing the line?

Kasey: Death's gonna be a sweet out, considering who Tamsin's gotten involved with.
Amanda: [Bo looks confused] A bad guy. Like, Voldemort bad.

Kenzi: You have to eat something, Ethan.
Ethan: No!
Kenzi: Do you know what they do to little kids who don't eat their dinner? They come after them in the middle of the night, from closets and under the bed.
Ethan: What does?
Kenzi: Goblins! To eat *you* for dinner.
[Sudden realization]
Kenzi: Oh, my God, I sound like my mother.

Teen: Cheezie?
Bo: No. I'm good, I already ate. Dyson and I just-...
Kenzi: Oh! Not in front of the B-A-B-Y V-A-L-K... E? Or is it, "Y"?
Teen: I'm not a baby! I'm almost two weeks old.

Bo: Just a snack
Kenzi: Bo that's enough, Bo stop you're killing her, Bo stop! Bo stop its me.
Bo: I'm sorry, thanks for the cock block
Kenzi: Yeah, maybe next time I'll do it from a distance.

Fitzpatrick: What did you see in Hamistagan, Bo?
Bo: Some damn effective birth control.

Freyja: Welcome to my Hell. 206 arrivals, 39 events, and a disaster of a reno in the Turkish spa.
Bo: A spa? In Hell?
Freyja: Only I'm allowed to call it Hell. It's Valhalla to you.

William: Get Tori sobered up, because if you don't the Glaive's gonna make garters out of my tender bits! And I need my tender bits!

Dyson: The Shtriga moth. It feeds off pain and suffering, victims of traumatic events.
Vex: She was bitten by a bloody moth?
Lauren: We think we brought it back from the funeral home, maybe Trick's flowers.
Tamsin: [Looks at picture] Wait, I've seen this moth here. I thought it was just 'cause it's musty as hell.

Crier: [Announcing party guests] Emmett Northcote; of Family Northcote, Clan Fin Arvin. Tamsin Borgia, of Family Akif, Clan Bukharin.
William: Where are you, Kenzi?
Crier: Kenzi - Hale's bitchin' girlfriend of family "what up?" Clan, "hey now!"

Vex: Cramping, aching, pins and needles. I can barely yank me own junk, let alone anyone else's. What am I gonna do?
Lauren: Meth.
Vex: Have you gone mad?
Lauren: Movement, elevation, traction, heat. M. E. T. H. It was part of your physiotherapy plan.

Lauren: For all we know they're being tortured. Or burned alive, or worse, buried alive. Over and over again. They're Hel shoes. Emphasis on "hell".

Bo: Tamsin?
Thomasina: If you need a property, you need a good person.
Bo: You're a real estate developer? You don't even pay rent.

Zee: I overreacted that day. Couldn't have you interfering with Clay's game.
Bo: Right. Fueling up to face big brother. Suddenly I'm grateful to be an only child.

Bo: [after being robbed] People were in our home. Strangers! Strangers with great taste in thrift shop furniture.
Dyson: Would you like me to get you something? A coffee or chair to break?
Bo: I'm gonna break whoever did this. We had a child in the home!
[Looks at Tamsin]
Bo: Sort of.

Bo: [Opening Narration] Life is hard when you don't know who you are. It's harder when you don't know *what* you are. My love carries a death sentence. I was lost for years, searching while hiding, only to find that I belong to a world hidden from humans. I won't hide anymore. I will live the life I choose.

Dyson: The inner sanctum. And all this time I thought you slept in the bathtub.
Kenzi: No, only after All-You-Can- Eat-Rib-Tuesdays.

Diana: Dominique, you are so small pond. Darren and I worked hard for our legs!
Dominique: Let's just all go back home. You promised me that you would come back. You forgot about me!
Darren: Dominique. You stay here with us. It's perfect you get the doctor's. Diana gets the squirmy one's. And I upgrade to wolf legs.
Kenzi: Dominique, don't listen. You have to help us.
Dominique: No. I like his idea!

Dyson: Do what you want with me. Just let the others go.
Isaac: So noble! I hope that doesn't rub off on me.
[Dyson growls at him]
Isaac: Oh, I hope that temper doesn't rub off on me either.

Kenzi: Touch me with that thing and you'll need a new nose.
Lauren: It's a tongue depressor.
Kenzi: My tongue is perfectly pressed. I've gotten major compliments about it.

Bo: There's a stack of maps and paper in the lair.
Kenzi: I got a D in geography, babe.

Kenzi: Look, I need you to, um, to full-up, deathbed-promise me something.
Dyson: Kenzi...
Kenzi: I see more than anyone thinks, and that's because no one's watching me. Everyone's always watching Bo. And what I see is you helping her, even though it hurts you.
Dyson: So?
Kenzi: So how can you protect her if being with her makes you weak?
Dyson: I'm working on that.
Kenzi: Look what I'm asking is, if I'm not here someday, can I count on you to have her back; even if it means cutting her loose?

Kenzi: [to Tamsin] God, are you my something old? I mean, not that you look it. You just are. Fact. All the lives.

Tamsin: I told my self I was powerless to refuse this beast so I accepted his bounty to find a woman. I took comfort that the girl he described couldn't possibly exist. Eyes both brown and blue. Virtuous, yet lustful. Neither Dark nor Light, yet both.

Acher: [Steals Dyson's phone] Kenzi - Called eight times.
Dyson: What the hell?
Acher: Is she the one that broke your heart? And someone named Trick has called seven times. Sounds like a pet name for a prostitute.

Blackwater: Every kick from your boot is bliss.
Bo: Speaking of kinky, I'm gonna need your chi.
[Sucks chi, tries to revive Tamsin]
Bo: Why isn't this working?
Blackwater: It's probably my fault...

Kenzi: Oh my God mermaids! I love mermaids! But like *love* them.
Dyson: They are the psychopaths of the sea Kenz. "The seas have eyes" is their cultural motto.
Kenzi: I have lied awake at night my entire life thinking of the marvelous mer-day when I would meet a fin-flapping, seashell-bra wearing Daryl Hannah. Oh my God!
Lauren: They are a rare and fascinating species.
Kenzi: Yeah. They comb their hair with forks!
Dyson: Yeah. Right after they stab you in the face with them. Just before they blow up your ship that's on route to the new world.
Kenzi: Yeah, but then they sing duets with crabs.
Dyson: No, they don't, Kenzi.

Bo: How's my BF?
Lauren: Your best friend?
Bo: *Birth father*.

Kenzi: [after Bo and Tamsin leave without moving the dead Revenant] Guys, unbelievable. Seriously, would I leave a dead body on the floor if her boyfriend was coming over?

Kenzi: D, did you actually murder someone?
Dyson: It's a long story. Believe it or not, it starts with a pair of shoes.
Kenzi: Sounds like my kind of story

William: You don't think you're overreacting just a little bit?
Kenzi: Hey. It's called being prepared. Last time Dyson dumped Bo's ass, a car got smashed, three furies died, and a dude's HEAD was cut off.

Bo: Handfasting? Oh no, no, no. Been there, done that. With a Loki in a cheesy Niagara hotel.

Tamsin: I knew I was a goner, I didn't think I was gonna wake up in slut heaven.
Amanda: O-M-G-G. The extra G is for glitter.
Kasey: Amanda? You're a freakin' genius.
Tamsin: Stitchwork's not bad either, Kasey.
Kasey: And the best part is, you "barely" look like you're dying!

Jessica: From the time Beth popped those boobs, all the guys had their eyes on her. I was a late bloomer; but I'm over it.
Kenzi: You sure are.

Fitzpatrick: Hale's gonna make a real change.
Kenzi: Oh, yeah? Is he not gonna be such a dick anymore?

Massimo: What are you gonna do now?
Evony: With Bo gone? Everything.

Fitzpatrick: Someone's making The Hand of Glory.
Bo: That isn't what it sounds like, is it?

Tamsin: Was I a good cop?
Dyson: You were tough. On a bad day, you could be a real monster.
Tamsin: [Starts sobbing] You think I'm hideous! Even the robbers ran away when they saw my face!
Dyson: I meant monster in a good way, okay?
Tamsin: That doesn't even make sense!

Mary: To think that you'd finally come back and I didn't have a crumb of fresh pie for you and your new friend.
Kenzi: [Whispers] Yeah. Your moms. What a bitch.
Bo: She used to be!

Bo: As far as Dyson and Lauren go, it's not like it was ever perfect. Dyson gave his love away and then he became an a-hole for like forever.
Kenzi: We called him "Mopey Dick".

Nate: Ow, ow, ow! You're crushing my fingering hand.
Bo: What?
Nate: Guitar.

Evony: I'm itchy everywhere and I think I might be getting my period for the first time. There better be some miracle cure-all in that bag.

Hugin: Hello, darling. So nice to see you. Can't tell you how much I'm going to enjoy eating the heart right out of your chest.
Hugin's: If you had been better at eating certain things when we were together I never would have left you for your brother.

Kenzi: Oh, my god. Guys, this just in. You're a police man, who's also his own police dog! How did I not see this before? Seriously, dude!

William: Where's Dyson?
Bo: Una Mens still have him. Security is full throttle, no one's getting in.
Kenzi: I took a punch to the neck. By a *monk*.

Tamsin: You don't want to fight me. You want to succumb.
Bo: What I want is your hideous Skeletor face out of mine!
Tamsin: Impressive, but you can't resist me forever.
Bo: That's my line.

Fitzpatrick: A memory spell of this magnitude, you'd need to find and shatter the Recuerdo compass.
Kenzi: Wicked, vault it to me.
[Trick gives her a look]
Kenzi: Ebay? Fae-jiji?

Kenzi: B, we have been working *so* hard.
Bo: You got up at noon and then took a two o'clock nap!

Nosyd: Sergeant Major Nosyd of the 67th division; Operation Pyrippus watch. Are you aware that you're on restricted military area?
Bo: Lemme guess, you're not Dyson?
Nosyd: Like the vacuum cleaner?

Lauren: Exhibit A.
Vex: Is that all I am to you these days? An exhibit?

Tamsin: What's up motherfae-ers?
Dyson: Your doubt overcame Hades.
Lauren: Well, she is carrying his child.
Kenzi: [Hugs Tamsin] You're doubting for two!

Lauren: Why are carbs so damn tasty? Actually, I know why: it's an interesting fact, they increase the body's insulin, which clears competing amino acids and a path of serotonin to your brain and...
Bo: Lauren...
Lauren: Right. Less geeking, more eating.

Vex: What do you say we take the, uh, sex goose? Just for giggles.
Bo: Dream on.

Bamber: I need a private room, a bottle of Scapa 25 single malt, and a place to sit that's not so sticky.
Bo: ...I can do less sticky.

Cassie: You're brave. And something else. Something new. You sure you want to sacrifice it all for a wolf?
Bo: I have to try.

Fitzpatrick: A Siracon. From the old times. It'll hurt all fae, And it protects the bearer from corruption.
Bo: [Tries it] Well, whatever it is, I think it's happy to see me. What's it made of?
Fitzpatrick: Unicorn horn.
Bo: [laughs. Trick gives her a look] Shit. Really? I never know when to believe you.
Fitzpatrick: Probably better that way.

Bo: [Sitting with Lauren and Dyson] We've never done this before, huh? Just the three of us. Like a threesome. Not that I've thought about it that way or anything

Tamsin: I had the weirdest dream. I was driving in my truck and you were there wait were you there? Yeah, you were very much there. I just really wanted a burger, you know? But nothing was open. Everything was closed forever. The drive-thrus were closed forever.
Bo: Sounds terrifying.
Tamsin: It was.

Fitzpatrick: When someone recounts the past it becomes a narrative, a story. I have mine, your mother has hers and he has his. And now you, Bo Dennis, need yours. And for it to be true, you need to draw your own conclusions, find your own truth.

Stacey: Stupid Valhalla gates.
Tamsin: Well, maybe you said it wrong.
Stacey: Whatever. I got a C+ in Norse.
Tamsin: Yeah, exactly.

Bo: This whole Taft thing still baffles me. I mean, Lauren is smart. I mean, maybe she wasn't tricked. Maybe she wanted to work for him, you know, get something from him?
Kenzi: Like a pension?

Bo: I have a doctor's appointment tonight.
Kenzi: In a push-up bra and sexy boots, at this hour? Um, news flash I don't think they're a real doctor.

William: This is one of those moments I wish working homicide, meant you got to do the killing.

Lauren: Kenzi?
Kenzi: Wha... What happened? Did I get roofied again?

Lauren: Do you think it's possible whatever brought the ancients here, brought Hades with them?
Bo: The Greek gods are throwing me a surprise party. I'd say anything is possible.

Bo: What do you know about art?
Kenzi: Only everything. I mean there's Banksy. And, also... Banksy.

Hades: You were created in the image of Hades. We're the same.
Bo: You may have created me. But you never gave a shit about me. And that's where we differ. See, unlike you, I care. I am Trick's blood too. His love makes me stronger than the evil that consumes you. You will never use me. You will never control me. I will live the life that I choose.

Dyson: [as Kenzi] What we need to do is sit them down and play a little game. Good cop, Kenzi cop!

Fitzpatrick: The Dawning isn't all horror shows and near-death experiences. It's-...
Bo: - -Something that we all go through. And yes, some of it is difficult. But it is manageable.
Fitzpatrick: So you *have* been listening.
Bo: Hale said he had to drink six pints of sour Lochness juice.
Fitzpatrick: And Dyson told you about his fleas.

Dyson: What the hell is going on, guys?
William: Oh! Officer, where are your pants?

Kenzi: [Pretending to be a guide, stops in front of a blue and yellow painting] Umm, clearly what we have here is the Swedish flag.
Astrid: I beg to differ. No cross, no blue divided into quarters.
Kenzi: Exactly the intention of the famed, underground Swedish painter Sven... Svenssonsson. Who depicts here a country divided.
Astrid: By what?
Kenzi: ...Music. For this is a country reigned by the sequin encrusted jumpsuits and catchy disco tunes of ABBA. Or, is it a reign of terror.

Lachlan: I do hope Bo keeps you on a very tight leash. Humans have a tendency to run wild and make a such a mess of the place. Some are so out of control they need to be put down.
Kenzi: Well, there are more than a few Fae I would like to see put down myself.
[One of the Ash's guards picks her up by her throat]
Kenzi: Except this one. He's awesome.

Max's: I only have two questions for the witness. Is that your signature?
Philip: Yes, it is.
Max's: And what does the document pertain to?
Philip: This is Max's proposal for the app. Which I rejected.
Max's: And if you rejected the proposal then wouldn't Max be free to take it somewhere else?
Bo: Objection! That was three questions.

William: It's not like we choose our local government every day, so it's kind of a big deal. Lots of rituals, big-ass feast, and a stag hunt.
Kenzi: Ooh. Will there be wenches, and mead?
William: You crash the party, there'll definitely be a wench.

Tamsin: [Walks in on Dyson and Stacey kissing] Nice to find you playing tonsil hockey with-...
Stacey: Your successor? Just 'cause you couldn't finish the job.
Dyson: What job?
Tamsin: An old job I never finished.
Tamsin: I always finish my jobs.
[Gives Dyson a flirty wink]

Dyson: You know, I understand you hate me right now, but you put a curse on me? What are you? Fourteen?
Bo: Again, it wasn't me! It was Baba Yaga! Via Kenzi!
Dyson: Who does whatever she thinks you want her to do!
Kenzi: Hey! Not fair, man.

Bo: But you and Vex are like an evil Hall and Oates!
The: They're not evil?

Vex: Hook up illegal cable and what do I get? Threats against my junk. Typical.

Dyson: What are we doing with Bo's box?
Lauren: Well obviously we can't give it to her.
Dyson: Why obviously?
Lauren: Because Dyson, if I said green, you'd say purple, to get my goat.
Dyson: I don't want your goat. I can get any goat I want. I'm a good goat-catcher

Bo: What's wrong?
Kenzi: Cruddy broom totally bit me!
Bo: Really? The big talker who survived basilisk poisoning gets TKO'd by a broom?
Kenzi: Oh, like you've never been suckered by a big shaft of wood.

Bo: [after Kenzi realizes Bo's not human] Don't freak out.
Kenzi: [shouting] I'm freaking out!
Bo: [rhetorically] What did I just say?

Bo: How's it going?
Kenzi: So far I've figured out that the broken dog bone is a "T". Or an "L", or both.

Darren: The family's back together! We'll get our legs. Blow up Alaria Tech. Start over again in Maui. Now's the time for our kind to rise. Goodbye sea shells. Hello Victoria Secret! There's nothing that can stop us.
Lauren: Except... tap water.
Dominique: Oh shit.
[Lauren sprays them]

Bo: I want a dress.
Ryan: Wha-? She wants a dress.
Bo: I was thinking like, ivory, crepe-de-chine, I don't even know what crepe-de-chine is, but doesn't it sound delightful?

Kenzi: You'd be surprised how many of my transactions involve power tools.

Kenzi: [about the horses they're riding] What're their names?
Lou: Bo is riding Llamrei. She was once owned by King Arthur.
[Pats her horse]
Lou: And this is Bucephalus, He led Alexander the Fae to victory.
Kenzi: Who did my guy lead to victory?
Lou: That's Otis, he never had a master. But he's definitely one of a kind.
Kenzi: [Otis lets of a stream of extremely loud flatulence] Of course I get the farty pony.

Dyson: Hey. Did you guys get anything yet?
Bo: A lecture from the vice principal and 27 invitations to the dance. One delivered in soliloquy.
Kenzi: How nice!
Bo: You?
Dyson: A fist bump. Kenz, you?
Kenzi: Well I was attacked by rabid Muffys, manhandled by Coach 'Bitchy Butch' and I got detention.
Bo: We are not getting far are we?
Kenzi: Teen angst. Our greatest foe.

Bo: If that's his BFF, how come we've never heard of him before?
Kenzi: It is a riddle cloaked in a mystery wrapped in layers of hot, hot manliness.

Inari: Bon appetit.
Kenzi: Are you serious?
Inari: Ungrateful-much?
Kenzi: An earring isn't food! I'm starving!
Inari: You ate three days ago.
Kenzi: Exactly!
Inari: Okay, call me crazy but eating every day is a bit much, don't you think?

Astrid: I've been perfuming creams and shampoos at Selene's for years. The women who work there are evil incarnate. Twelve years later, and the perm they gave me still hasn't grown out.

Dyson: Yeah, you two never shut up. So either you're scheming, or it's my lucky day. Thing is, I'm not that lucky, so... what?

Evony: You know, medicine and treatment meant for humans is best researched on humans.
Lauren: Wow. I mean, could your theories be any more outdated? We actually use computers now to navigate diseases and help find cures. We can grow organs, tissue samples-...
Evony: Oh, oh, compromise. We can clone somebody and experiment on them.

The: Feel free to bring your human pet.
Kenzi: I'm *not* a pet. I will never be anyone's pet, nor will any human.
The: See? Already getting the hang of being Dark.
Kenzi: [Smiles] Really?
[Catches herself]
Kenzi: I mean, shut up.

Dyson: [as Kenzi] Although, I must admit, it does feel like he's got a bit of a foot fetish going on in here.
Woods: [as Bo] I think that's still you, Kenz.

Bo: [about Allison] Looks like that's something we had in common - Looking for love in all the wrong places.
Kenzi: Is that your way of saying "anal"?

Bo: I think my father is trying to get me back. I need to find the Pyrippus.
Lou: The Pyrippus?
Kenzi: Hell Horse? Evil Steed? Devil's Pony?

Kenzi: I lost Bo! Well, she ran away. Her bodacious brain just went kerblooie!
Fitzpatrick: Okay, from the beginning, and as much English as you can manage.

Bo: If he ascends, he'll turn into an Edamame.
Tamsin: Oh, delicious. Oh, wait. You mean, Akaname?

Kenzi: Here's one: the Festering Hex. We cast this on Dyson we can make "it" fall off.
Bo: To his wang! May it rest in piece.
Kenzi: We hit him with the old Bob Barker special then hit his waitress with...
[Flicks through book]
Kenzi: A bad case of "Toadstool-itis".
Bo: That can't be a real thing.
Kenzi: It is, and it might be tricky. How much Eye of Newt would you say we're packing?

The: Aw, honey, black leather again? Mix it up now and then.

Bo: Ladies. Can we have a moment?
Kasey: Only if you don't mind us rifling through your drawers.
Amanda: Slash trying on your underwear.
[They run upstairs giggling]
Tamsin: Sorry about that.
Bo: Well, they'll be out of luck. I don't wear underwear.

Freyja: [a team of female athletes arrive] Warriors, truly. They would kill to win. Until a bus killed them. Large groups are the worst.
Bo: Speak for yourself.

Tamsin: You know what happens when we deliver a mark, Acacia.
Acacia: Mmhmm, we get paid. I buy things.

Jumbee: You shouldn't be meddling in things that don't concern you!
Bo: Clearly, you haven't been out in the world for a while, so let me get you up to speed.
[Walks up to her]
Bo: Hi, I'm Bo, the unaligned Succubus, how are you? A couple things about me: I like leather, having a good time, and in case you haven't noticed I *always* meddle in things that don't concern me.

Kenzi: I think we need to call an exterminator Or ten, 'cause I almost just got webbed in the face by the mother of all spiders.
Bo: An insect? Really?
Kenzi: It tried to web me in the face. In the face part of my face!

Bo: Okay, we're in a time loop the walls are eating people, help!
Fitzpatrick: Oh, this this is bad.
Bo: What? Una Mens bad? Smoke-nappers bad? Six more weeks of winter bad?

Bo: The girls set your pre-op makeover to Pretty Woman.
Tamsin: Hmm.
Bo: *Before* she met Richard Gere.
Tamsin: [Grabs mirror] What?

Dyson: [Looking at a poster of Evony] Nice picture, by the way.
Vex: Yeah, I was as stunned as anyone to find out she had named me heir to the Dark throne, so to speak. I shed so many tears. But I had to stay strong. It's what Miss Died-on-the-toilet would have wanted.

Fitzpatrick: Aife has my Light blood. The blood of a mage. Blood that drains life for nourishment and self survival. As with all Fae. But the blood of your father whoever he may be, allows you to drain life from many victims and more importantly, to transfer that life force to someone other than yourself.

Kenzi: This is nature? Discovery Channel led me to believe there'd be more green.

Fitzpatrick: The black haired woman you splashed earlier, where is she?
Brother: How should I know? She ran and didn't return, before I had a chance to wash out her filthy mouth, and put her in a modest blouse.
Kenzi: A *blouse*? You monster!

Peggy: In conventional travel you move towards the destination. Here, the destination moves towards you. In the blink of an eye. You merely stand still and the earth is displaced under your feet.
Bo: Well, is it safe?
Peggy: Safe is such a relative term. I mean, there are the normal risks, headaches, swelling of the joints, severe nose bleeds and in some very limited cases, death.
Bo: *Death*?

Bo: Oh my - -You are scared of this Baba Gaga.
Kenzi: [Whispers] Baba Yaga, and yeah she's horrible! Horrible... But she'll occasionally help chicks get revenge on a dude who's wronged them.
Bo: Okay, I'm listening.
Kenzi: You get a mirror, say her name three times, tell her the name of the dude you want cursed...
Bo: Bye bye wolf junk?
Kenzi: Perhaps we're concentrating too much on Dyson's genital region.

Fitzpatrick: Bo, we need to talk.
Bo: Is this the part where you tell me that I'm making the wrong choice? That I'm putting myself in grave danger?
Fitzpatrick: Well, sort of. And-...
Bo: And when dealing in matters of the afterlife, there are unknowns. Rules. Everything has a price.
Fitzpatrick: And whatever the cost, you're willing to pay it?
Bo: Nailed it.

Kenzi: What a cute name. Who names a killer "Duppy"?

Kenzi: [During speed-dating] Oh, my favorite literary quote about regret. Wow. Fun. Um, well, I think it was the great poet, uh, Ludacris who said, "regret is for suckaz, for suckaz, for suckaz. Regret is for suckaz... bitch".

Bo: [At the Nain Rouge] You like to watch, I get it. We all have our kinks.
Trick: Bo. She's just a kid.

Fitzpatrick: If you want spending money, I'll hire you on for some shifts.
Kenzi: Work for a living? Do I look like a chump?
Fitzpatrick: Do I?
Kenzi: ...If I say yes, do I still get that beer?

Kenzi: You know how many emojis I've been wanting to text you about this place? Any Ben and Jerry's flave I want. Including the discontinued oatmeal cookie chunk.
Bo: Shut up.
Kenzi: Oh my God, and look what I have.
[Pulls out DVDs]
Kenzi: Clueless Two. Sister Act Three: Rosary's Baby's Got Back. A prequel to Goonies. And they're all super watchable!

Heratio: You're actually pretty when you sleep.
Tamsin: You're actually pretty creepy when you stare.
Heratio: You also talk in your sleep. I considered a ball gag, but to be honest I found your mutterings sort of charming.
Tamsin: [Motioned to restraints] What, this isn't S&M enough for you?

Bo: I always thought a Dark bar would be more leather and spikes. With peanut shells on the floor for some reason.

Fitzpatrick: With all the recent fighting alienating all my clientele, I thought a bingo night would be fun. Clearly I chose the wrong kind of fun.
Lauren: Two words, Trick: Mechanical bull.

Bo: We always talk about me. I wanna hear about Kenzi's latest adventures.
Kenzi: Oh, my god. Where do I start? Okay, first, he will deny it, but Trick totally tried to virgin sacrifice me.

Bo: Thought you were dead. What's with the noose?
Siegfried: Ugh. Unrelated business disagreement. "Dead". As if a little lynching could kill me. I'm mildly insulted.
Bo: I mildly apologize.

Vex: You know, I have to say, darlin'. I'm very impressed with you, you didn't disappoint me nearly half as much as I thought you would.

Tryst: There's a very special lady in my life. She's in a world of pain right now.
Kenzi: Oh, you got some poor girl knocked up? Holy spit, I send my condolences.
Tryst: I'm talkin' about my Gran-gran. Who knocks up their Gran-gran?
Kenzi: Ugh. So not where I meant to go.

Lauren: Remember, METH.
Vex: Yeah, yeah. Movement, evacuation, titties, head.

Kenzi: Hey, hun-buns, where are you off to?
Bo: Africa!
Kenzi: *Africa*? As in the dark continent? With your sword? Is there something you want to tell me?
Bo: Kenzi, I can't really talk right now, okay?
Kenzi: ...Well, are you gonna be home for dinner?

Fitzpatrick: My bartender is late and I have no one else to help me.
Kenzi: No. You mean you have no other *humans* to help you. You know, I think I'm going to start a union for claimed humans. Bring in some change of my own!
Fitzpatrick: You know, the last human to try that didn't fare so well. Jimmy Hoffa ring any bells?

The: I hope one day my affliction will be gone. And when it is I will bathe myself in jewels and gold and silver.
Bo: Sounds uncomfortable.

Kenzi: What language is this? It's like a cross between hieroglyphics and a doctor's prescription pad.
[Takes out a piece of paper]
Kenzi: Okay, I am gonna make a list of marks and then look for patterns. So we got a sideways house, a pair of broken glasses, and a skinny guy lifting weights at the beach.

The: If you survive your test today, you'll have the opportunity to join a side. Problem solved.
Bo: Join? Why the hell would I want to do that?
The: We take care of our own. We place you in a human occupation that is to our advantage, help with the disposal of your kills, etc. etc. Oh, and dental.

The: Siding with a human over a fae.
[Chuckles]
The: You could not take a more foolish position.
Bo: The day's still early.

Ianka: I cannot feed. If only I could sing for an audience. If only I could sing my Famous Aria.
Bo: Guess I'm more of a Black Eyed Peas kind of girl.

Kenzi: Why do you look like you're not at all sharing this monster hangover?
Bo: What can I say? For me, sexual healing is a literal thing.
Kenzi: I hate you.

Darren: Look, I'm not safe here. Dominique is close. Please help me. Take me to Diana.
Kenzi: How can I trust you? I am standing in a room full of man gams!

The: Lauren's girlfriend isn't sick; she's been cursed. That nail is an African shaman's cursing nail. Somewhere there is a piece of wood with Nadia's nail in it. Remove it and she will most likely wake up.

Kenzi: [about Trick] He really is hiding something, isn't he?
Tamsin: Certainly looks that way.
Kenzi: Well, there's only one thing left to do.
Tamsin: Take a dump on his bed.
Kenzi: No! I was gonna say... Ew!

Freyja: You are a suspicious little thing. The Valkyrie with an extra seven lives.
Tamsin: Is that what they're calling me now? It's not that catchy.

Kenzi: When you coming home, Bo- bo? I have to cut the crusts off my own sandwiches and Vex thinks my SpongeBob impression is "weak".

Kenzi: Thanks for another mind-blowing day.
Bo: You're welcome. Swamp freaks, headless guys, people eaters. You can't say I haven't introduced you to some intresting people.
Kenzi: No, ma'am. Here.
[Kenzi gives Bo an ice pack]
Kenzi: I hate this job. The pay is shit. It's dangerous as hell, but life with you, my dear, is never boring.
Bo: Right back at you.

Kenzi: Whatever Woods put around the building must be blocking all the signals.
Woods: [as Bo] And I can't find a way of removing it. Though, I did start a fire on Trick's rug.
Fitzpatrick: My eighth century Persian rug?
Woods: I'm sure those things are made to last.

Kenzi: Okay, A: Chickie-poo Elemental seems a little ele-*mental*. B: She could take the card and bone us big. And C: Her skin is suspiciously flawless and I hate her so much.

Dyson: When do we get out of here, I think it's time I start training you.
Kenzi: For what?
Dyson: To be a Shadow Thief.
Kenzi: A Shadow-wha?
Dyson: Interested?
Kenzi: Yeah! It sounds like a freakin' Xbox game.

Bo: Is that my vest? Did you steal my vest?
Kenzi: It's not stealing if I haven't left the house yet.

Dyson: The detail's not for the Glaive, per se, it's for her daughter, and she comes with instructions.
William: I bet.
[Reads card]
William: "No booze, no boys, no rap music, no coffee...".

Fitzpatrick: There's a few things you should know about our tender-hearted friend the Morrigan. She's a Leanan Sidhe.
Kenzi: The Country singer?
Fitzpatrick: A Fae seductress. She inspires artists and makes them great and feeds off their genius. An evil muse if you will.
Bo: Convenient skill for an agent.
Fitzpatrick: But, she eventually drives the artist mad and into an early grave.
Kenzi: Any self-destructive rock stars we know and love happen to have dated one of those Leanan Sidhes?
Fitzpatrick: No comment.

Fitzpatrick: You should never have left the train.
Rainer: You're the one who put me there in the first place!
Fitzpatrick: You dared to challenge the blood laws!
Rainer: When will you take responsibility for the chaos you've caused?
Fitzpatrick: You forget who you're talking to.
Rainer: I wasn't scared of you then and I'm not scared of you now.

Dyson: Bo, we're all one hundred percent by you.
Detective: [Cheering] Bo's the best!
Kenzi: It's okay.
Detective: ...Blood seems to be working.

Mark: She's hot.
Dyson: Her husband just died.
Mark: So? She's still hot.
Dyson: And she's human.
Mark: Come on, man. That's an old bullshit rule that doesn't even make any sense.
Dyson: No, it's not, and it does. It's just not the way of the Fae.
Mark: Alright, whatever, Detective Buzzkill. At least you know she's single.

Dyson: How are you at English Lit?
Bo: Needs improvement.
Dyson: Well, that's what you're going to be teaching.
Bo: No, I cannot do Jane Austin again.
Dyson: That's what I said when I left England.

William: Six semi-conscious rednecks and 5K in damages to a perfectly unrespectable road house. And the first I hear of you in weeks is a call from your arresting officer. What do you got to say for yourself, Detective?
Dyson: They started it.

Kenzi: I'm gonna go check up on Tamsin. See if Preggo wants some eggo.

Dyson: The last time you breathed life back into someone...
Bo: It was you. At my Dawning.
Dyson: Didn't you need to do a group suck before doing that?
Bo: Who doesn't love a good group suck?

Tamsin: Who died and made you King?
Fitzpatrick: No one.

Bo: Are you crying right now? Over hair?
Massimo: My Mommy, she needs it! And I need her to need me.
Bo: Mommy issues? Get in line.

Tamsin: Happy Birthday!
[Presents Bo with the stuffed cat figure]
Bo: Wow. You guys shouldn't have, really.
Lauren: I didn't. This is from me. It's a-...
Tamsin: Don't say knick-knack.
[Lauren drops it and it breaks]
Lauren: Well, that was only part of my gift.
[pause]
Lauren: The cat is also from me.

Lauren: None of these books had what I was looking for.
Fitzpatrick: Did you try Wikipedia?

Bo: What's the process for naming the new Ash?
Fitzpatrick: First, the potential candidates gather for the "Gyallahaal".
Bo: Which one; Jake or Maggie?

Tyrell: I ain't doin' no drug test.
Lauren: Okay, well you have a choice. You can either pee in a cup or I can draw blood. But if you pee in a cup, I have to watch.
Tyrell: No way some tiny lady doctor's gonna watch me piss in a cup.
Lauren: Blood test it is.
Tyrell: You like to watch, huh? Okay, then. Come with me.
[Takes off towel]
Lauren: You really hit the wrong girl.

Fitzpatrick: Bo isn't herself, she's not going to have her own wits or skills. She might not even know she's a Succubus.
Kenzi: Uh oh. If she gets hungry she could kill a whole NBA team. With a WNBA team for dessert!

Kenzi: What, did the Norn also take your cojones? Huh?
Dyson: Actually, uhh...
Kenzi: What? When? Oh. You made a joke.

Clio: Okay, is this his leg bone or the Jumbee's leg bone?
Dyson: Doesn't matter. It's all going in the same place.
Clio: Is this how your dates with Bo usually go? Digging up graves, and trying to save human lives?
Dyson: I'd be lying if I said this didn't have some semblance of nostalgia.

Seymour: Look, you want answers, talk to her computer dates.
Bo: Computer dates?
Tamsin: Ah, Robots.

Fitzpatrick: The Ash swears to protect the good of the land and in return, the land is good to his people.
Dyson: Used to mean better crops, and less disease. Now it's longer lasting infrastructure more wealth, less crime.
Fitzpatrick: But, only if the marriage ceremony is consummated.
Bo: Define "consummated".
Fitzpatrick: Well, without getting into the grander, more mind bending metaphysics of it, the soul of the land takes on corporeal form, with which The Ash will mate.
Kenzi: Talk about laying some turf.
William: Pounding some ground?
Fitzpatrick: [Rolls eyes] You done?

Kenzi: I don't get it, why would you hire us if you thought your own brother did it?
Diana: I thought he was trying to get rid of me. So I hired you to play detective to get rid of him.
Kenzi: For a species without assholes, you sure act like ones!

Stacey: Tamsin, on your last life, are you sure you want to pick mortals over your Valkyrie sisters?
Tamsin: Oh Stacey, do you really consider those girls your sisters? Maybe you should ask them who coined the term "Brace Face Stace" in high school.
Kenzi: Are they having...?
Lauren: A Valkyrie on Valkyrie Doubt off.
Stacey: I'm just trying to be a good friend here, but I think you should know they call you the "doormat at Valhalla's gates". Don't you think you should stand up for yourself?
Tamsin: And I want to be an equally good friend and tell you you should look in a mirror because "the Rachel" is so last century. Plus your roots are showing.
Stacey: [Breaks down] You know the rules! A Valkyrie's hair is off limits!
[Runs off]

Lauren: [Looking through books] Rainer, Wanderer, Asshole, whatever your name is. You have go to be in here somewhere. History keeps a record of everyone and everything.
[Notices ink on her hands]
Lauren: What the hell?
[Turns page, new text has appeared]
Lauren: Hello. "Behold the demon beast, evil pure. Fanged teeth, horned. Him they call Rainer." Gotcha.
[More text appears]
Lauren: "Thousand years shall be ended, he shall be unbound." Okay. Don't freak out. Don't freak out.
[Continues reading]
Lauren: "To wreak torment beyond comparison, and betray the Fae". I knew it!

Bo: That was amazing. I've never tasted Chi like that.
Tamsin: That's not the first time someone's said that about me.

Ryan: It'll be fun. Think about it, humans *at* lunch. Instead of humans *for* lunch.

Clio: [after Dyson lets Lazy John lick his toes] Man! You must really love this girl.
Dyson: We shall never speak of this again.

Bo: We get Lauren, or we get dead.
Dyson: Whatever it takes.
Bo: I do need something from you though.
[Dyson raises an eyebrow]
Bo: No, not that, I already fed off Tamsin.
Dyson: Really?

Tamsin: [after fighting a tracker] Not bad. You could've just given him detention though.
Acacia: What? And give up my evening?

Bo: What happened?
Kenzi: The chic click didn't appreciate my accessorization skills. Especially when I tried to pierce Heather number one's nose with a pen!

Bo: It's kind of tough growing up thinking you might have a shot at being prom queen, and then to find out that you're part of some ageless secret race that feeds on humans.
Kenzi: I hate it when that happens.

Evony: So, this is The Hades. I thought you'd have a face like a foot.
Hades: Ha.
Evony: [Voice turns seductive] How'd you get so tanned living in Tartarus?
Bo: Please tell me they're not flirting.

William: You might remember Kenzi?
Clive: We got our heads bashed in together.
Kenzi: We're practically engaged.
Clive: But I thought you were "Kimmy"?
Kenzi: ...That's my middle name.
William: She's got a few of those.

Hugin: One for sorrow...
Bo: ...two for mirth.
Hugin: Three for a funeral...
Bo: ...four for birth.
Hugin: Five for heaven...
Bo: ...six for hell.
Munin: And seven is a devil, his own self.

Bo: [Calls Cassie] Your insight; I need it. Birthday gift from hell. Literally.
Cassie: You want me to tell you what it means. That's all I'm good for, right? Look, I'm on a date, so whatever's going on with you tomorrow; lukewarm pints at The Dal, your treat.
Bo: Fine, tomorrow.
[Hangs up]
Bo: Here's hoping there is one.

Toxis: One pair of earrings, reported stolen from Cartier about a week ago. A gold woman's watch. Also probably lifted. And, um...
[Holds up a sex toy]
Bo: That one's all mine.

Bo: Seriously, what kind of fae are you anyway? Or can't I ask?
Dyson: It's a pretty intimate question in our culture. Lets the other person know your specific weaknesses.
Bo: Well, I already know about the spot above your hip.

Massimo: First a human, then a monster now a god. A god with the twig of Zamora!
Lauren: Yeah, whose power is diminishing now that you've killed the last Zamoran heir. Way to go, Massimo, way to go.
Massimo: You lie!
Lauren: Now your only chance at being immortal is someone writing a shitty pop song about you.

Kenzi: [Holding a knife at his junk] Excuse me, Vex, dude. Look, I know you're all powerful and you could probably take me down too, but if you do, your boys are coming with me.

Tad: Aren't you a little unkempt for a corporate setting?
Dyson: Aren't you a little nasal to be answering phones?
Tad: I am not---
[Realizes his voice is quite squeaky]

Bo: This is camp?
Kenzi: I'm thinking this one begins with the letters P, O, W.

Bo: I thought we agreed no stealing on jobs.
Kenzi: Technically, you can't steal from a dead guy. Seriously, it's a thing. Ask museums.

Saskia: You bitch!
Bo: You have to calm down and listen to me. You're my mother. I don't want to hurt you.
Saskia: And I didn't want to have to kill you. Shit changes!

Fitzpatrick: Every single snake at the zoo has disappeared!
Bo: Maybe they're on a plane?

Bo: So you're the cause of all this? Funny, I thought you'd be scarier.
Puca: And I thought you'd be hotter.
Bo: Coming from the Goblin who has a wart *on* her wart.

Kenzi: What you're saying is somebody's been in here extracting our memories?
Dr. Snook: Mm-hmm.
Dyson: This is very disturbing
Kenzi: Yeah, you're telling me. I could be famous.
[Gasps]
Kenzi: I could be a Kardashian!

Julia: [Possessed by the Jumbee] What the hell are you?
Bo: Awesome on two legs.

Mark: When I said disobey your parents, breaking and entering wasn't exactly what I had in mind.
Iris: You told me to do what I wanted for once. This is it.
Mark: Get thrown in jail for a night?
Iris: Well it's better than living with Zee and Hera.

Evony: I have some very specific questions about the Sucu-slut's lineage.
Kenzi: You want to talk about Bo?
Evony: Oh. I've tried bribery, the Mesmer, a parasite...
Kenzi: You could try not being such a bitch.

The: They have checked your location. There is no Helskór.
Bo: [Enters] Get a map, dweebs. I just got to it first.
[to Dyson]
Bo: Found it encased in your framed championship belt.
Lauren: Also, wrapped in a jock strap.
Dyson: ...It was clean.

Bo: [after burning Baga Yaga in the oven] I can't believe you're up for more drinking.
Kenzi: I always drink after a barbecue.

Thomasina: You need to follow the red brick road. And only the 'one' can see it.
Bo: The one, huh? Well, I might be able to help with that.
Thomasina: How are you going to see red?
Bo: I've seen it before. I just have to remember what it looks like. Okay, red, red. Apples are red, cherries are red. Cyndi Lauper's hair, red.

Acacia: You know the things he's capable of. You know the things he's done.
Tamsin: I'm just not a killer anymore.
Acacia: He took my hand!
Tamsin: If he's what I think he is, I'll be the first person to slit Rainer's throat. But I'm gonna do it right this time.

Dyson: Are those are Yule candies for Krampus? You're gonna be on his naughty list.
Bo: Oh bitch, I *am* the naughty list.

Zee: I've never seen a Valkyrie cry.
Tamsin: It's cause it's against type. No emotions on a battlefield. Yes ma'am. No ma'am. Doubt. Kill. Repeat. You'd think by my last life I'd have this figured out.
Zee: Word of advice: Sometimes it can take centuries to figure it out.
Tamsin: When did people stop hurting you?
Zee: They didn't. I started hurting them.

Fitzpatrick: We can't destroy it while it's still feeding Bo luck. It'll instantly devour her spirit; she will die.
Lauren: Okay. We have to think here. There has to be a way to reverse the effects.
Tamsin: [Hugs Bo, crying] I should've just gotten you a Yeti stripper.

Vex: You really think we can take down an entire facility? I mean, just the six of us?
Val: [Enters] You mean seven.
Detective: Val?
Kenzi: Baba Yaga wasn't available?

Kenzi: Is this agent coming?
Nate: Well, why would Ryan lie about that?
Kenzi: I don't know, because he likes messing with people? He got us to eat cow from the inside out!

Bo: A son.
Tamsin: Yup.
Bo: Like a full grown-...
Tamsin: Sexy
Bo: You can never tell Dyson that this happened.

Heratio: You know, face likes yours; makes me worried you're hiding something twisted.
Bo: Well I am. In that I am very flexible.

Tamsin: A mistake. I'm sure of it. I've never gotten lower than an "A" on a paper before.
Acacia: No mistake. The assignment was to describe the role of the Valkyrie. What you wrote contained no individuality, no inner truths, no personal fears. Are you telling me your greatest fear is getting a C minus?

Kenzi: Slow your roll, Slytherin.
Engelram: I merely want to look inside so I may grant your unspoken wish.
Kenzi: No need, I'll speak it. I want the Ricardo Montalban... Ricky Martin... Uh, the, the Compass thing-y.
Engelram: That's it?
Kenzi: Well I'll take your unicorn too, if you're looking to downsize.

Musashi: North Of The Border. How much would it cost to get you two there?
Bo: Hate to break it to you buddy but, we're not prostitutes.
Tamsin: Yeah. But like, how much you got?

Galina: Your cousin's just try to help.
Kenzi: Well last time he tried to help, someone stole my identity. Remember?
Dimitri: A total misunderstanding! By the way, if police call about a string of bad checks... best just to leave town.

Fitzpatrick: I have ears in many places.
Kenzi: Uh, when you're Fae, you should probably use a different expression.

Bo: I'm not scared.
Persephone: You should be. He's King of the Underworld. Fae who is perceived as a God.
Bo: He is an asshole, perceived by me, as an asshole.

The: Doesn't take a telepath to know that you're not a murderer.
Bo: [Throws a knife through her chest] You need to work on your mind-reading skills.

Saskia: [At Bo] I'm new in town, And I really wasn't planning on a turf war right out of the gate, so if this is your place, it was just plain rude of you not to mark your territory.
Kenzi: What, like, pee on it?

Kenzi: I told Nate the truth about us.
Bo: Oh - Kenzi.
Kenzi: Except! I totally lied!
Bo: Oh, Kenzi.
Kenzi: I don't know, it just came pouring out of me, that you and I were spies. That we were in the witness protection program. That we were this close to getting our own cooking show.
Bo: Oh, that one, that's when he knew you were lying.

The: Humans are food: we eat from them, or we die. Now, the Dark Fae, they tend to kill for pleasure. Not just need.
Bo: And you Light are so much better?
The: We're more like your Native American hunters: we respect the kill, won't over hunt, don't eat the young.
Bo: And so what does that make me?
The: An obnoxious vegan.

Bo: This is all fun and games to you.
Ryan: Isn't it?
Bo: I don't think I can keep it up.
Ryan: Don't worry about it. That's my job.

Bo: Lauren comes first.
Dyson: And your father?
Bo: Daddy Darko waited thirty years to show up, he can wait another hour

Kenzi: Why are they trying to trip each other?
Bo: It's Double Dutch.
Kenzi: You're shitting me! I thought that was only on Wii!

Bo: There's too much going on! Kenzi is hurting so badly and where were you? Playing around in the Dark archives digging up shit on the man somehow intertwined with my destiny.
Lauren: So that's it. Hm? You choose him.
Bo: It is not like that. I chose you and you broke my heart.

Bo: The last time we went after the Garuda, he manipulated us into fighting with each other.
Kenzi: Dude was like a Fae Jerry Springer.

Bo: You really do have a death wish, don't you, vex?
Vex: Eh, that's just a tap between friends. She'll get over it. But let's not dilly dally, ey?

[Tamsin has just battered down a door with an ax to get at Kenzi]
Tamsin: Heeeeer's Tammy!
[Bo suddenly appears behind Tamsin and knocks her through the door]
Bo: And here's Bo.
Tamsin: Isn't it customary to end that sentence with "bitch"?
Bo: You said it crazy eyes, not me.
Tamsin: Time to deliver you!
Bo: Guess what? I'm not a package.
Tamsin: We can do this the easy way or the hard way.
Bo: Is there a medium option?
[Tamsin swings the ax at Bo who ducks]
Bo: Hard it is.

Bo: I see you and Hale worked things out.
Kenzi: Oh sister please, I never kiss and tell... within earshot. Or do-everything-and-tell; and trust me we did *everything*.

Dyson: What do you know about a Groundskeeper?
Cheeno: I run a respectable and legal - Organic human-meat butcher shop.

Bo: [In the Temple] Okay pretty sure my front door never lead to the Dal. Although some nights I wish it did.

Kenzi: Looks like somebody had an overnight guest, hmm? A gentleman caller, if you will.
Bo: Will you just relax? You know he was just here to heal me.
Kenzi: Apparently he healed you *all* night long.
Bo: Can you just try to grow up for a second here, okay, And not make such a big deal out of this?
Kenzi: Totally. But if I was gonna make a big deal, Like, how big are we talkin'? Just-just ballpark me. Are we talking - -
[Bo slaps her]
Kenzi: What? He's fae. I'm just asking for science.

Vex: D'you think mummies care about how they're portrayed in cartoons, you know? All mumbling and moaning like morons. I knew a mummy once. Yeah. His name was Andy. He was a tremendous chef, but terrible hygiene. As you my have guessed, mummies don't care too much about domestic things like, toilet paper.

Kenzi: One time, this evil creature called a Kitsune kidnapped her and put her in a cave
Ethan: This is getting scary.
Kenzi: But Superkenz, she was really smart too. She whooped that ginger bitch's ass, escaped the cave. And succubus-ed a whole frat house on the way home, just for kicks.
Ethan: You just said the "b" word, the "a" word and ginger! I wanna be like Superkenz.

John: The end is nigh.
Bo: Who are you?
John: My name is John. Do you want to be saved?
Bo: Why are you here?
John: I'd like to invite you to prayer circle on Sunday. The end of the world is coming.
Bo: [Realize s he's a Jehovah Witness, closes door] Yeah, no kidding.

Evony: So. We just gonna sit here and wait for enslavement, chaos and anarchy? Because we're almost out of booze.

Oscar: This guy named Ferraro, he runs these human fights out of his gym. Totally secret. Invite only for the live Fae audience.
Kenzi: There's a *dead* audience too?

Fitzpatrick: I know a way of tracking the coin - a ceremony. But it requires a human female to complete it.
Kenzi: Is this some kind of sex thing?
Fitzpatrick: What? No, no.
Kenzi: Or, like, a virgin sacrifice? 'cause I don't think I can help you with that one.

Kenzi: Who needs weapons when we have mascara and heels.
Vex: Hey, those Louboutin's could take an eye out.

Caroline: I've been destined for this my whole life.
Bo: You're just a human who got lucky and found a fancy hoodoo necklace.
Susan: The point is, there's nothing we can't do!
Caroline: Make ourselves younger, take over the PTA.
Susan: Get free blowouts!

Leslie: [Their car has broken down in the middle of a field] I'd be in a better mood if I had cell service. And if I wasn't about to burst.
Brad: Pick a spot, honey.
Leslie: I am not squatting in that field.
[Brad just stares]
Leslie: Fine! But if I'm not back in five, it's on you.
Brad: Watch out for poison ivy. And snakes!

Tamsin: This can't be.
Kenzi: What?
Tamsin: It's a Tametebako.
Kenzi: A tomato-bacon?

Dyson: Back then, Krampus would beat you with a stick before he threw you in his sack.
Bo: If I may Kenzi in her absence: who's got "cramped-ass"?
William: *Kram-pus*.

Fitzpatrick: What is she doing here?
Tamsin: Oh, you remember Stacey. Freyja's right hand?
Fitzpatrick: [Looks at Stacey] You have a French fry in your hair

Hades: You always were a runner. But there's one thing I don't get...
Tamsin: Laid?

Lauren: [Evony moves a box] Oh, oh, careful! Careful.
Evony: Jeez, what's in there?
Lauren: It's, um, my, uh entire Star Trek DVD collection. Yeah. Enterprise, Voyager, Next Generation. The movies. My Khan collectible action figures.

Nain: Only I choose when to appear to others. It's tradition.
Trick: Bo hates tradition.

Bo: Even if he is my father, I summoned the devil, Dyson.
Dyson: And we will find a way to get rid of him.
Bo: What if he hurts someone?
Dyson: He's contained.
Bo: So was Hannibal Lecter. Didn't last.
Dyson: New nickname?
Bo: Add it to the pile: Hades. Jack. BF.
Dyson: Best friend?
Bo: Birth father.

Lachlan: My venom. It's the only way to kill the most destructive presence our people have ever known. The Garuda.
Bo: I don't suppose that's a smoked cheese, is it?

Bo: What did Vex do to you guys anyway?
Duncan: He promised that he'd fix it so that Exton would win the Cup.
Vex: I told you, I'll get them into the final, not win it! As if Exton could win it - They're utter bollocks!
Bo: Really? That's necessary?
Vex: Go Paxford!

Bo: You know, I think you're the first person I'm going to enjoy killing.
Vex: Well that's awfully judgmental, you barely know me!

Harvey: This dead belongs to her.
[Points to Acacia]
Bo: This is your dead!
[Pushes her]
Acacia: Hands off the leather.
Bo: That's my line.
Harvey: Ooh, cat-fight!
Acacia: Yeah, I might have killed the guy. But I didn't raise him from the dead.
Harvey: [Takes out camera] Pull her hair!

Ciara: You think Lita's Fae?
Bo: Maybe. Maybe some kind of snake-shifter?
Ciara: All the products Lita makes are real snakeskin. Wallets, shoes.
Bo: So she uses her own dead skin to make her stuff? That's very green of her.

Lauren: Well physically you're fine.
Bo: But emotionally I'm a level ten harpy.
[Lauren's assistant gets huffy and storms out]
Bo: Is she-...
Lauren: Of the Boston harpies.

Tamsin: Lola, this is my friend, Bo.
Lola: As in, unaligned Succubus Bo? I heard she was in Hecuba prison.
Kasey: I heard she went Dark.
Amanda: I heard she was pretty. This girl's all pasty.
Bo: And to think I felt I missed out by not going to college.

Tamsin: These leather pants yours? Doesn't matter, you keep them. I know you like to re-use old styles.
Bo: Fashion snark. Is that where we are now?

Vex: Blimey, we really are buggered.

Stella: The blockage can usually be traced back to some childhood imprint. A parental source.
Bo: God, it's always mommy issues with you guys. Okay, look, Aife and I, we had our problems. But, um, we worked them out with good ol' fashioned hand-to-hand combat.

Bo: Where's the rest of your clothes?
Mark: You're lookin' at it. I don't really have an address.
Bo: Okay. Well, I have a rack of men's clothes in my room. Don't ask why.

Endymion: Otto and I were great allies, but itwas I who won the battle of Lechfield.
Dyson: That's great. How-...
Endymion: How did I do it? Why, by diverting attention using a clever technique involving smoke, a total of five dimensional shifts and the loud braying of cattle.

Woods: [as Bo] Does this mean you found a way to get us back into our bodies?
Fitzpatrick: Couple of days in group therapy aught to flush out the Gorgon blood.
Dyson,73340: Seriously?
Fitzpatrick: No.

Kenzi: Holy Portia DeGeneres, Shakira, David Lee Roth!

Bo: You know, I am actually interested in your work. You can talk to me about whatever it is you do.
Lauren: Really? You want to hear about my latest monograph regarding the rhizome repellent gradient of Fae blood compared with human blood, especially when suspended in an isotonic solution?
Bo: ...Or we could go to a movie.

Vex: Looky, looky, looky, lu. Look who's come out clubbing! The unaligned love machine!

Heathcliff: I returned to Cadaques one night, and I could see the lights weren't on.
Kenzi: In my Castillo.
Heathcliff: That's not like my Kenzi, I said to myself. And I was right. I found my poor girl tied to a chair-...
Kenzi: Seconds from untying myself, before he walked in. They only roughed me up a bit but they searched my Castillo for hours.
Heathcliff: That's her word of the week.
Tamsin: It means castle.
Bo: Got it.

Dyson: [Looking at body in Bo's trunk] First problem, no head.
Bo: Uh, he started that way.

Brother: I am not here on behalf of religion. I am here on behalf of your faith.
Carla: My faith? Well that's easy: I don't got none. I don't believe in anything. Except Jimmy Beam. I worship him alone.

Dyson: Can you shut up?
Vex: Don't think I've ever tried.

Kasey: Do you have a non-Ibiza party mix? I'm so over that scene.
Amanda: Get dumped by one Spanish prince, and no more island raves for any of us.
Kasey: Screw you, Amanda.
Amanda: I'd rather keep screwing Fernando.
Kasey: WHAT?
Amanda: To avenge you sweetie.

Bo: [In the Temple] Does this seem weird to you? My place, I mean. Everything's off.
Dyson: Well. To be more honest than a wolf probably should, I can't really remember much else besides your bedroom.

Lauren: Valkyrie pregnancies accelerate much faster. You can't ignore it, Tamsin.
Tamsin: Don't call yourself an it, Lauren. You're a person.

Bo: You know, I don't get it. Dyson is the one that gave me the green light to see other people, and then Lauren shows up, and he gets all testy.
Kenzi: Uh, because he *has* testes.

Police: We pledge our sevice to Hades the Dark Lord. Surrender. Or be terminated.
Dyson: This is how he planned to bring hell on earth. Not by raising souls from Tartarus but-...
Lauren: By raising them here. But first, he needed to drain them.
Kenzi: Enter Bo's Chi suck.
Vex: How 'bout we talk about this over tea, when we're not being shot at, eh?

Bo: So in case the first curse was broken, a fail-safe was built in by the person who cursed him. Trick.
Tamsin: And only by the blood of your enemy can the curse be broken.
Bo: Trick's blood is in me. What is it with my family and blood?

Dyson: How's things with Tori going?
William: Yeah. She's okay. Awesome. Special little girl. Makes me, uh, wanna have kids of my own. So, so precious...
Dyson: You lost her, didn't you?

Kenzi: You know not to get all cheese-dog or anything, but guys! The gang's is all back together!
Bo: Someone, somewhere tied a Red String of Fate around all of us.
Kenzi: Amen.
Lauren: Bo, according to legend, that's only intended for two people.
Bo: I don't care. It makes me feel fuzzy inside.

The: Show up in whatever makes you comfortable. Though there is one thing you might consider wearing for once.
Bo: What's that?
The: A smile.

Jeffrey: You call this a Yule party? No fruit? No offerings to Vanir? No wassailing. And this... this has no business here
[Pulls a reindeer decoration off the wall]
Kenzi: Oh now we gettin' all up in each other's business?
Jeffrey: This mangy cur is not Eikpyrnir, the stag. It's Rudolph!
Kenzi: I knew it! Trick has got to hear this.

Lauren: The personal and professional journals of Charles Mayo, Albert Einstein, and Marie Curie? How?
Evony: Marie turned out to be a real axe wound, so I stole her diary as a joke. Mayo's I dug up from under Jimmy Hoffa and Einstein's? Picked that up at a garage sale.

Dyson: I guess you bring out the worst in me.
Kenzi: We gotta get back the best of you.

Bo: I need your help.
The: I'm flattered.
Bo: ...I need Vex.
The: You're kidding.

Bo: Stop avoiding me.
Dyson: I'm not-...
Bo: You know what we do best? We fight. Each other, the world, whatever. As a team, we're pretty unbeatable. And that is what is needed right now: you and I, being Team Badass. We'll deal with our personal shit after - Right now, you're gonna put on your big-wolf pants and you're gonna come with me and kick some tail, or I'm gonna start kicking *your* tail.

Kenzi: You're our Trickipedia! You gotta know something. You're freakin' Yoda. Force must use to problem answer find! Yes?

Bo: I don't care if you're human or Fae. I just as long as you're you.
Lauren: What if this is me, but with benefits. I get to help people for longer. "The eternal healer". Yes, I've coined myself a little name.

Kenzi: You know, of all the creepy fetishes, how is this your weirdest, hmm?
Vex: I'll have you know that's German Weimar porcelain. I've got a life outside of you people.

Stacey: Unless you're some sort of bearded Valkyrie I haven't heard of, you shouldn't even be seeing this.
Dyson: I've seen a lot of things I shouldn't have. But if you close this gate, you may never see anything again.
Stacey: I think you're confused about who can hurt who here. You want me to call my sisters?
Dyson: If they look anything like you, be my guest.

Tamsin: I'm thinking: surprise party at The Dal, yeti strippers and drinking till we vom.
Lauren: Always with the class.

Cassie: [Answering machine] I've got something better to do than talk to you right now Leave a message and I'll call you maybe.
Bo: Cassie, it's Bo. If you're there pick up. Or call me. Or smoke signals or something.

Hale: Listen, what's it like with a succubus. Tell me.
Dyson: You remember Daphne?
Hale: A nymph?
Dyson: Uh-huh.
Hale: Hourly, yes!
Dyson: Well I lost her number and I don't even care...

Tamsin: [Barging into Bo's room] Yo!
Bo: What if I was doing something important?
Tamsin: Like porn?

Stacey: Can you believe the Shifter tried to sell Vex as a soul Bo gave a shit about?
Lauren: Oh, well, they have shared undergarments.

Salvatore: You got a stage name, a nom de guerre, a fight moniker?
Bo: Bo, just Bo.
Salvatore: Bo - That's not a name. Boom Boom. *That's* a name.
Bo: Boom Boom?

Bo: This is the third alley we've been in. I was really hoping we would have found Jason by now so I could go home and-...
Kenzi: Be "platonic" with Lauren.

Kenzi: Are you adequately juiced?
Bo: Those Una Mens assholes pack quite a wallop. And with Dyson out of town, I gotta find some way to recharge the double Ds.
[Kenzi gives her a look]
Bo: The batteries. My batteries.

Kenzi: For over two thousand years, they didn't even call it Euclidean geometry, just geometry. 'Cause there was no other kind, kind of like Italian food in Italy...

Tamsin: I think Bo should separate from her father. But I think Bo should make different relationship choices in general.

Judge: An audience is given only by proving oneself worthy.
Bo: What are we talking? Slaying a dragon? Swallowing a centipede?

Vex: Well, what are we waitin' for? Stab the little bugger!

Bo: [Muttering while in Dyson's memories] Shoes... shoes. Milkmaids. Boobs.
Lauren: Oh. It's good to know Dyson was an intellectual.

Fitzpatrick: Balls of Minotaur!

Kenzi: Bo! Oh, thank god There was this reptile guy and he took Aussie, Albino, Pee
Bo: Wait. What? Who peed? Who's Aussie?
Vex: [Nods knowingly] It's short for Australia.

Cassie: It stinks in here! Dear period France: wash.

Evony: When that thing finds us, it's going to eat you both alive and then use me as a toothpick. Because I'm the skinniest.

Lachlan: What you see standing before you is what's left of the Naga.
Bo: Is that like a Fae boy band or something?

Conductor: Next stop same as the last! Last stop same before next!

Lou: How are you doing back there? Unicorns are known to be a bit gassy.
Kenzi: Hold up. Otis is a *unicorn*?
Lou: He's a rescue from Scotland, his horn was cut off by poachers. He's the last one of his kind.
Kenzi: [Squeals] I can't believe I'm riding a freaking unicorn!

Tenabrae: Do you feel the connection between us? Both of us stuck in our fleshy prisons. We could leave here and spend an evening of dark delights back at my inner sanctum.
Kenzi: What makes me think your inner sanctum Is your mom's basement?
Tenabrae: ...I like to think of it as the dark core of the home.

Kenzi: Bruce? Bruce, I thought you were in Bora Bora!
Bruce: I really didn't want you to see me like this.
Kenzi: My god! You are living sushi table? You're Brushi!

Vex: Now I have to listen to you two whine about the bloody Garuda. 'Oh, what should we do? He's so mean and unstoppable!'
Bo: Nobody said that!
Vex: Well, he is!

Zee: Hades might have inspired this shindig, but let's get one thing straight: you and I are on the same team. You're on a sinking ship. The balance is quickly shifting and I don't want to see you go down.
Bo: I happen to be quite buoyant.

Lauren: Um, sugar is with salt and pepper. Obviously. And, um, vinegar is with ketchup and other condiments. Oh! And no longer directly next to the baking soda. you can imagine my surprise when I saw that - - actually everybody's surprised if those two decide to mix it up and have a party.
[Chuckles]
Lauren: Carbonic acid is actually very unstable... kind of like this place... and Ronald.

The: We're honest about what we are, Bo. So why aren't you?
Bo: I know who I am.
The: You're a luscious Succubus who's true nature is to feed off humans like the rest of us Fae. You just choose not to. Lame; but whatevs. You've got great hair.

Lachlan: The Nain Rouge?
Bo: Yeah! Little girl. About your height.

Acacia: Being a true Valkyrie means tapping into all your emotions, good and bad. But you can't tap into emotions you haven't felt. And you, my dear, have felt some very strong emotions lately.
Tamsin: It's that obvious, huh?
Acacia: Why do you think you were finally able to Doubt me?
Tamsin: 'Cause you're a weak, old biddy?

Dyson: Tamsin? A cheerleader?
Tamsin: You don't think I can dupe a bunch of girls who think *clapping* is a sport?

Fitzpatrick: The cat you gave her is an aitvaras. By bringing good luck to its owner; it steals it from those who don't pay it reverence.
Lauren: All this because I didn't respect the stuffed corpse of a dead cat?
[Twitchs]
Lauren: Ow, hand cramp, hand cramp!

Dyson: Listen to this
[Reads from Tamsin's diary]
Dyson: "Thomas is a simple human. If it wasn't for his muscular arms and enormous...".
[Trails off. Trick raises an eyebrow]

Tamsin: So... are you hungry?
Bo: Yeah. Good idea.
[Walks up to a hotdog stand]
Bo: Two sausages coming up, my treat.
Tamsin: Not the kind of sausage I had in mind.

Susan: The gentleman who owned this house previously, Jake Thatcher - -Disappeared. Left all his furniture and a substantial collection of lingerie catalogues. He was one of Shady Grove's most eligible bachelors.
[Turns to Bo]
Susan: Oh! He would've been perfect for you!

Kenzi: Well, Bo-Bo, why don't we go-go have a chat-chat with your Mom-mom.
Jessica: God, you are so weird.
Kenzi: Thank you!
Jessica: Reminds me of that girl, who used to sniff glue in chem class.
Bo: Jessica; that was you.

Lauren: I'll never trust you.
Evony: I wouldn't respect you if you did. But do remember, I let you see me eat pizza. You think I'd let any schmo do that?

Stacey: Who's my soul?
Dyson: Her lover; Her confidante. He fought by her side. She fed off him when she needed it most. He even gave up his love to the Norn for her.
Stacey: Sounds like a tool.

Vex: No offense, darling, but I don't know where you've been.
Dyson: Nowhere worse than you.
Vex: Yeah, well, at least I draw the line at sleeping with dogs!

Evony: Oh, I so hope you don't get murdered. With all the death threats. Finding your killer would be like finding a needle in a whore stack.
William: If we're gonna work together, I need you to be a little less All About Eve, a little more Steel Magnolias. You feel me?
Evony: Which one was about the haircut that gives you cancer?

Kenzi: If you're Dark, does that mean I'm Dark too? Cuz I'm gonna need like, a serious image upgrade. We should talk clothing allowance.

Bo: "Temple", huh? I expected more marble. What, the Dawning couldn't have sprung for a different bar?

Massimo: I have a proposal.
Bo: Mm, here comes the threesome request.

Lola: Inari's no friend to anybody.
Amanda: This one time, I woke up from a nap and Inari was just staring at me.
Kasey: One time, she used my toothbrush. Like in her mouth.
Amanda: Not to mention your boyfriend. In her mouth.

Kenzi: Thanks for not removing my liver. Like, for science.
Lauren: Science couldn't take the hangover.

Kenzi: Shhhh. It took like five Avril Lavigne songs to get Baby Tam-Tam a ticket to play-time land. You wake her Sk8er Boi, you are dealing with her.
William: You know the words to five Avril Lavigne songs?

Fitzpatrick: [about Bo] Father unknown. Mother a Succubus.
Stella: And there are rumours about Bo's potential. Oh dear.
Fitzpatrick: [Hopeful] "Oh dear" that's great news?

Fitzpatrick: The essence of white oleander represents your purity.
Bo: Oh, I'm afraid that ship has sailed.
Fitzpatrick: ...Of intent and deed.

Vex: We'll take out this crumpet muncher, Massimo. But let me handle him, alright? I'll Instagram you every gratuitous little bloody tick. In Kelvin 'cause it's my favourite filter.

Bo: You know, I feel like we've really bonded. I have learned so much amazing stuff about you and of course from you. Isn't there some sort kind of agreement we could come to? Find it in your big, several thousand year old heart to hand Christoph over to me?
The: Okay.
Bo: [Surprised] Really?
The: Nope.

Lauren: It seems to be an energy bond.
Kenzi: So un-bond it!
Lauren: I can't. The wood is melded to your flesh.
Kenzi: Worst hand job ever.

Bo: They said Clay was "like family". She was feeding off the crowd.
Lauren: Feeding? Feeding how?
Bo: Every time Clay scored the crowd would cheer and she glowed.
Tamsin: Like a Fae stage mom?

Dyson: [as Kenzi] D, how do the claws work? What is it like, like a Wolverine-y thing?

Rosette: "She will rise, with The Wanderer as her soldier, and together they will release the Lord of Darkness".
Bo: I'm sorry, what did you just say?
Rosette: The Dark Lord rises from Hel. He will be here any minute.
Bo: Hell, hell?
Rainer: No, the mirror of Valhalla. H-E-L.

Kenzi: So, which love triangle candidate are we calling up on these days? D-man? L-bomb?

Evony: [Enters room, sees Lauren sitting there] Lauren. Make yourself at my home.

Bo: Oops. Lost your mojo.
Zael: It's no worry - I have enough virility by now.
Bo: That's what they all say.

Dyson: I have no reason to doubt what the Wolf Spirit told me.
Bo: This Wolf Spirit - She wouldn't happen to be an ex-girlfriend by any chance, would she?

Tamsin: It looks like Hades and Zeus are in cahoots.
Fitzpatrick: Brothers in arms, together again.
Bo: I need to go see him. I need answers.
Dyson: You don't think he's just gonna lie again?
Bo: I'm pretty sure he will. Which is why I'll play ignorant to the fact Zee is back.
Tamsin: The old, he can't know that you know, 'cause if he knows you know, he'll know. Yeah, you know.

Lauren: Why haven't you healed yet?
Bo: 'Cause I'm not in the mood.

Kenzi: This drawing. Gates closing over flames. People cheering. What is this?
Tamsin: A sale at Ikea?

Lauren: It's the Co2 bubbles. Gives the dough its light, airy texture. You add just the right amount of baking powder, and then measure the fat content to retain the gas bubbles, and then throw in eggs as a binding element.
Kenzi: ...Wow. She just totally took the fun out of yummy.

Brinkley: Aren't you a little tall to be a cheerleader? What, you didn't make the football team?
Tamsin: I prefer rugby. Less padding.

The: How did you come to be here in the colonies?
Fitzpatrick: Would you believe I took a wrong turn at Morocco?

Epona: The horse. The great and all-powerful. With dominion over life and death. Only the mighty will denote the worthy from the fallen. But if you find it... .
Bo: Find what?
Epona: Your blood will destroy him. He must be protected.
Bo: Protected from who?
Epona: Succubus. You.
Bo: What about me?
Epona: The daughter's intentions are unclear.
Rainer: Daughter?
Bo: The Pyrippus, is he...?
Epona: Your father.

Tamsin: Musashi fought and won one of the greatest battles in all of Fae history.
Musashi: *The* greatest.
Bo: Oh, he's humble.

Evony: You sing soprano in your church choir don't you?
Cosmetics: Alto.
Evony: Aw. Oh. My child
[Melts her]
Massimo: I see you still have a way with children.
Evony: Hazard of the profession, I suppose. When you've been in power as long as I have, everyone is your child. Like it or not, one day you just wake up and you're a mother.
[Pats him menacingly]
Evony: And Druid. Don't disappoint me like 'Chanel Number Goo' did.

Lachlan: I could sneak you into Baba Yaga's cottage. But the real question is why would I do that?
Bo: Because I've reconsidered your proposition. To freelance for you and the Light. As long as I can get Kenzi home alive.
Lachlan: I hoped you'd come around. And to think, all it took was some persuasion from the Russian hag. Remind me to send Babs a fruit basket.

Kenzi: Let me check my very packed social calendar, uh, nope. Not scheduled to take any of your guff. No matter how chouette your shoes are.
Evony: Thanks, I use them to crush rodents.
Kenzi: And just so you know, I am not that afraid of death.
[Looks nervously at Bruce]
Kenzi: Although I am open to other alternatives.

Evony: ...And then I said it doesn't matter that you didn't steal the earrings, Rosa. I already told everyone that you did. How would it look if I suddenly started changing my tune?
Lauren: But you did the right thing?
Evony: Of course. I fired her entire family.

Dougie: [about Lady Polly] I've been trying to get rid of her for almost ten years. I invoked her during a teenage Goth stage.
Kenzi: You were Goth? *Here*?
Dougie: I had to go two towns over to get my favorite guy-liner.

Lauren: The Amazons are a proud race of warrior Fae. Where's your sense of sisterhood?
Bo: I think it was taken when I was strip-searched.

Fitzpatrick: Follow me if you want sanctuary.
Dyson: Does this sanctuary serve ale?

Dyson: We're too late. Aife's got her.
Kenzi: Are you sure it was Aife?
Dyson: Unfortunately, I know her scent.
Kenzi: Dude, gross.

Susan: Sam lost his wife, got weird. Has a weird ten year old, too. I don't think he was breastfed.

Mark: What happens to the colony without an Ash?
Vex: I dunno, never really bought into the Ash thing myself.
Mark: But you bought into the Morrigan.
Vex: Yeah well, Absinthe bottle service, pixie dust off a nymph's naughty bits. How could I say no?

Fitzpatrick: No matter what I did, Rainer always had an answer, always ten steps ahead. His gift is foresight. I had no choice but to use my blood. I wrote that his armies betrayed him.
Vex: He was evil wasn't he?
Fitzpatrick: Just defiant. Like my granddaughter.

Mark: A bunch of Fae chanting in bathrobes How bad could it really be, right?
Dyson: This kind of cult comes with a body count. Heaven's Gate had mass suicides.
Mark: The doomsday cult in California?
Dyson: It was Fae. Controlling humans.
Mark: No wonder you're single.

Lauren: Maybe I don't need it to resume human form to get its blood.
Kenzi: So you're gonna get it directly from the moth?
Lauren: It always stores it's victim's blood in a sack. All I have to do is locate the sack.
Kenzi: Remind me to make a sack joke once we save Bo.

William: You could talk a Nun into a threeway.
Dyson: Ah, the Crusades. Good times.

Bo: How about I break that stallion's back?
Lauren: He's a Hydra. Nine heads.
Bo: I see only one.
Lauren: Not those kinds of heads.

Massimo: You know, I've been thinking, maybe I should come back here. I could live here with you again.
Evony: Oh honey, but then where would I keep the dogs?

Bo: I'm gonna get you out of here.
Tamsin: No. It's okay. I've been naughty but now I'm gonna be candy
Bruce: I already broke the machine once. Now I have to wait to be candy!

Bo: How do we make you stop sparking?
Kenzi: Ugh, it kinda just runs out. You know, like sunscreen. Reapply after swimming.
[sighs]
Kenzi: I guess I can take a shower, but I I really don't want to get my hair wet. It's such an ordeal.
Bo: I hear ya.
Kenzi: You know what though, it's been a week. I probably should wash it. Is Lauren's conditioner the worst?
Bo: It's the worst.
Kenzi: Does it contain disinfectants? I mean God knows what that woman is putting in her hair. She can not be trusted. I don't know about you I need a little peach in my shampoo...
[Bo dumps a bucket of water over her head]
Kenzi: Ahh! Refreshing.
Bo: Atta girl.

Kenzi: I've come up with a fool-proof plan, okay? I'm gonna do surveillance on the Glaive for a few days, check out her habits, her route to work, then for a measly hundred bucks, my cousin Dima and his capos are gonna-...
Bo: Dima has capos?
Kenzi: ...He believes Don Corleone is his real father.
Bo: He does know that Don Corleone is a fictional character, right?
Kenzi: I've never had the heart to tell him.

Dyson: [as Kenzi] Roger. Wow, did you hear my voice? That was, like, so sexy. Roger.

Derek: I'm the token guy.
Bo: Lucky guy to be surrounded by all these ladies.
Derek: Not when their cycles are aligned I'm not.

Jeffrey: This is the belly of Yule. This is where sour becomes sweet. And naughty becomes nice.
Bo: Uh, no this is where the succubus goes Bad Santa on your badly camouflaged ass. Because all this? This is just Bad Christmas!
Jeffrey: Blasphemer! The Valkyrie is mine by the ancient laws of Yule.
Bo: Oh, yeah? Well by the powers vested in me by merry old Saint Nick, I say she's coming with me.

William: Kenzi, you have to be smart about this. And responsible.
Kenzi: Dude! Those two words are, like, both my middle names. And I'm not even drinking this month. I'm on a cleanse.

Tamsin: What's going on here?
Lauren: I just want to say that you're full of surprises. And most of them are down right horrible. But sometimes every once in a while, they're just what everybody needs.

Dream: I'm glad you came, I've been waiting for me.
Bo: No. How? You're supposed to be... No, Trick, no, please.
Dream: Only when the Master is gone can you become the Master.
Bo: But I'm not the Master, I'm lost without him!
Dream: Yet, without you, Bo, your friends wouldn't have been able to find what they were looking for. Because of that I will grant you the one thing you search for... Home. There's no place like it.

Massimo: There is something different about you. Evony. Did you dye your hair?
Evony: Yes. Thank you for noticing. The color is called Grow-My-Eyeball-Back- Or-You-Will-Be-Growing-Back -A-Ball-Of-Your-Own!

Kenzi: Look, I get it, okay? You love having Lauren around. But I just hope whatever it is you're feeling isn't going to stop you from dealing with this little situation we're in!
Bo: I liked it better when I was the mom.
Kenzi: Oh, honey, you were *never* the "mom".

The: Where did you get that mark?
Bo: Oh, you mean the hand hickey on my chest? Some guy on a train. I had a lot to drink

Earl: Knight's don't move diagonally.
Kenzi: What's next? No body checking?

Ciara: Man. Where am I?
Lauren: Who am I?
Kenzi: Why are my pants so tight?
Dyson: What the hell is on my face?
Detective: Oh dear. Have we... Have we switched bodies?

Julia: Oh, you want to borrow my kitten heel fly boots? They are trés gorge and they might make this, um, homeless-persons- nighty-thing you're rockin' look like an actual fashion choice.
Bo: You know how I know you're gonna be okay? Because you've got balls as big as my best friend.
[Julia raises an eyebrow]
Bo: Who is a girl.

Tamsin: Is Bo your girlfriend?
Dyson: No, she's not.
Tamsin: But do you want her to be?
Dyson: I did. But then a lady in a tree took my love away and by the time I got it back, Bo had a girlfriend.
Tamsin: You forgot to start with "Once upon a time..."

Bo: The Wanderer. That evil that you met. Could he be my father?
Tamsin: That thing would've done anything to claim his ideal mate. Even if it meant creating her himself.

Tamsin: In fifth century Japan a fisherman, Urashima Taro, met a turtle-...
Kenzi: I've "met" turtles.
Tamsin: No. This turtle was the cursed daughter of the Emperor. She gave the fisherman a magical box if I'm not mistaken; it is *this* magical box.
Kenzi: Like, make a wish, magical box? Or just like have a late period, magical box?

Kenzi: So, Val, is that, um, short for Valerie? Or cause you're a Valkyrie?
Val: I'm a Pombero, I can steal voices and seriously -
[Turns]
Val: Hale, a human in our house!
William: Shut it, Val.
Val: You shut it.
[Steals his voice]
Fletcher: Children, that's enough. Sweetie, give your brother back his voice.
William: [At Val] Harpie.
Val: Human hugger.

Dimitri: We come to see you. Uh, 69 Camaro. Yellow. Yours?
Kenzi: Uh no, my roommate's.
Dimitri: [Into his phone] Uh, call it off.

Vex: Bloody physicians. I mean, imagine sayin' that there's nothing wrong with it. I mean, have you ever heard anything so...
[Notices Trick isn't listening]
Vex: Hello! Barkeep! I'm talking to you!...
Fitzpatrick: Still?

Vex: Sorry darlin', but I'm still not comfortable with that idea.
Lauren: Well you better get comfortable, because I'm going to shove this arm so far down your throat, you'll be mesmerizing your own bowel movements.
Vex: Oh, when you put it like that.

Fitzpatrick: Definitely not a tattoo. Definitely mystical.
Bo: My face would love to hear your theories once you're done consulting my butt.
Fitzpatrick: No need to feel self-conscious. Just think of me as a doctor.
Kenzi: A centuries old, bar-tending butt-doctor?

Jeffrey: No respect for the old ways? We'll see about that.
Bo: Buddy, you are ten pounds of crazy in a two pound bag.

Fitzpatrick: Have you considered that it could be something else?
Kenzi: Ghost Dad? Ghost Swayze?

Fitzpatrick: In order to meet with Hephaestus, one must be granted audience with one of the Erinyes. The Ministers of Justice: Tisiphone, Megaera, and-...
Elizabeth: Not Judge Megaera?
Dyson: You know him?
Elizabeth: Her. Everyone knows her.
Bo: What's she like?
Elizabeth: I don't use the lord's name in vain often, but she is one mean son of a you-know-what.
Dyson: ...You didn't use the lord's name in vain.
Elizabeth: Exactly.

Bo: [after Bo enamors the pizza guy, Kenzi gives her a dirty look] What?
Kenzi: I was getting my flirt on.
Bo: With the delivery dude?
Kenzi: He is an *actor*.

Dyson: You will wake him.
Selene: Or?
Dyson: I'll tear you to pieces with my teeth.
Selene: Promise to spank me first?

Vex: If Zeus and his ancient bunch are wreaking havoc in our colony's skies, why am I stuck here in Cheers with you lot? I feel like I've picked the worst lane in the shittiest traffic of all time.

Bo: You listen to me, Gary, if you don't talk, my friend Dyson here, he's gonna pin this murder on you anyway; and as a condition of your life in human prison he's gonna make sure you get four square meals a day - all vegetarian.
Cheeno: Oh! *That* Groundskeeper.

Tamsin: I'm the reason the Wanderer found you. In a previous life I hunted Fae fugitives for a price. I was a Valkyrie. I was the best. And I was greedy. One look into his eyes and I knew I'd never really met true evil. Not until then.

Vex: Can someone remind me why we paid good money to fraternize with the bits we flush down the toilet?
Aussie: It's art.

Fitzpatrick: Baba Yaga isn't gonna kill Kenzi, not right away, at least - She's gonna want to fatten her up first.
Dyson: Lucky for us, that could take a while.

Kenzi: Safety test!
Bo: Mother's name?
Kenzi: Birth: Aife. Adoptive: Mary Dennis. Dream: Tina Turner. Wing sauce?
Bo: Half extra hot. Half honey garlic. All blue cheese dipped. Middle name?
Kenzi: Trick question! You don't have one. Favorite alias?
Bo: That is too hard! You have too many!
Kenzi: Oh, come on. You got this,
Bo: Toni, with an I, Soprano.

Kenzi: SuperKenz wasn't just any human. Not only did she have killer personal style, but she had a smorgasbord of powers. Her sense of smell was a strong as a wolf's. And when she sang, she could knock people out just like a Siren.
Ethan: What's a Siren?
Kenzi: A douchebag who wears stupid hats.

Dyson: This should be over! She grabbed the key, I saw it!
The: She grabbed *a* key. Big difference.
Dyson: I have to find her. I have to go after her.
The: [Mimics him] "I have to go." "I have to find her". Don't you get it? We're moving on. Or at least, Bo is.

Hale: The Amazons won't listen to me.
Kenzi: Because of your stupid penis?
Hale: I prefer 'untested leadership'.

The: You have not been summoned to appear before us.
Bo: Here's a little something that you should know. No one summons me. I go where I want, when I want. And if something tries to hurt me, I deal with it. I don't live by your rules. I will *never* live by your rules.

Evony: Lifesaving handprint? Wake up you two! What are you waiting for? I want the hand job!

Bo: You are so going down!
Groundskeeper: How about a case of indigestion, girl?
Bo: What?
Groundskeeper: And I'll be damn sure to burn on my way out, 'cause you are not gonna eat me!
Bo: Hey.
[Catches him]
Bo: I am not, not eating you. You are not, not eating me!
Groundskeeper: Huh?

Detective: You want some pancakes with that syrup?
Kenzi: One more word. One more word, and I'll be having siren with my syrup.
Detective: You're getting nasty in your old age.

Fitzpatrick: Get me some candles.
Vex: Oh, by all means. I love taking orders from the man with the leaky roofs and the piss sticky floors.
Mark: I mop, I swear!

Dyson: [as Kenzi] Uh, Bobo, I got the wolf junk, babe.
Kenzi: [as Dyson] Don't touch it. Don't touch anything.

Kenzi: [after Bo blows her off] This really puts the "suck" in "succubus".

Vex: It's like my birthday! La Shoshain, and the St. Valentine's Day Massacre, all rolled into one!

Lola: I love fruit punch. It's kinda like the wine of punches, you know? 'Cept I hate wine, unless of course it's beer. But then it's not really wine, it's more beer.

Vex: Fine. It's your party, you can whine if you want to. I'll be here, trying not to think about what's left behind on a succubus' couch.

Kenzi: [Tamsin is in labour] Remember when we took yoga at the Y? Pranayama that shit, okay.

Dyson: You're hurt.
Bo: You're perceptive.

Zee: I've had many forms, but currently Zee is a she.
Bo: And my aunt. Question is, what kind are you? The cool aunt who buys you condoms or the crazy aunt who ruins Christmas?

Fitzpatrick: Where is Lauren?
Kenzi: Upstairs, washing dirt out of places she didn't even know she had. And she's a doctor, she knows all her places.