100 Best Spider-Man: Homecoming Quotes

[Spider-Man interrogates Aaron Davis in a comical manner]
Aaron: Can I give you some advice? You gotta get better at this part of the job.

- Look out for the cloaking cameras.
- Stay in the blind spots.
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
- Deploying high-altitude vacuum seal.
- This better work, Mason.
- Trust me, boss, even one of those boxes and we are set for life.
- Yeah.

- Okay.
- Can't wait to see this thing.
- Finally, something good.
- Yo, this high-tech stuff makes it too easy.
- Told you it was worth it.
- Okay, go, go, go.
- Oh, nice.
- We can hit, like, five more places tonight.

Aunt: [after seeing Peter with Spider-Man suit] What the Fu...

- I got this.
- Take my trophy.
- This is your last chance.
- I'm gonna die.
- Look out!
- Break!

- ♪ Y'all got cocaine eyes ♪
- ♪ Yeah, you got speed-freak jive ♪
- There you go, Mason.
- ♪ Can't you hear me knocking
- On your window ♪
- Business is good.
- ♪ Can't you hear me knocking ♪

Spider: [to his camera in Berlin] No one has actually told me why I'm in Berlin or what I'm doing. Something about Captain America going crazy.

- That work?
- I don't know.
- I can't afford that.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait.
- Damn.
- I thought this was the antigravity gun.
- What?
- No, that's that one.

- You know, it's never too early to start thinking about college.
- I got some pull at MIT. End call.
- No, I don't need to go to...
- Mr. Stark is no longer connected.
- That's awesome.
- "Stay close to the ground"?
- What is he talking about?

- He's always going. Have fun.
- Last time.
- Thank you.
- Promise.
- He's cute.
- Shh.
- See you in a couple of days. All right.
- Bye, baby.
- Come on, Pedro.
- Bye, Peter. Have fun.
- Yeah, I will.

Michelle: My friends call me MJ.
Ned: I thought you didn't have any friends.
Michelle: I... didn't.

Ned: You're the Spider-Man, from YouTube!

- Okay.
- I think I can think of something better than that.
- Well, it would buy us a little time.
- Like we need time.
- I can't believe you have that in your pocket.
- Want me to get the door for you, hon?
- I got it.

Steve: Hi, I'm Captain America. Here to talk to you about one of the most valuable traits a student or soldier can have. Patience. Sometimes, patience is the key to victory. Sometimes, it leads to very little, and it seems like it's not worth it, and you wonder why you waited so long for something so disappointing... How many more of these?

- Yeah. Tell you what, though.
- It ain't bad, is it?
- No. Yeah.
- Kid's got a future.
- Yeah, well... we'll see, I guess.

- Copy, central.
- Six-alpha-niner on schedule.
- I got a visual.
- Green light, green light.
- Oh, that's him.
- Okay. I got eyes on the convoy.
- Pulling in behind the caboose.
- Deploy anchors.

- Well, what if Mr. Stark needs me or something big goes down?
- Can I please talk to Mr. Stark?
- Stay away from anything dangerous.
- I'm responsible for making sure you're responsible, okay?
- I am responsible. I... Oh, crap.
- My backpack's gone.
- That doesn't sound responsible.
- I'll call you back.
- Feel free not to.

- Okay.
- All right, get out of here.
- Are you expelled?
- Do you have to go to that high school where the principal has a crossbow?
- Pretty sure that's an urban myth, and, no, I'm not expelled.
- You're so lucky.

- I'm nothing without this suit.
- If you're nothing without this suit, then you shouldn't have it.
- Okay?
- God, I sound like my dad.
- I don't have any other clothes.
- Okay, we'll sort that out.

[first lines]
Adrian: Things are never gonna be the same. I mean, look at this. You got aliens. You got big green guys tearing down buildings. When I was kid, I used to draw cowboys and Indians.
Phineas: Actually, it's Native American, but whatever.

- A kid who can stop a bus with his bare hands.
- Peter, I just don't think this is a great idea.
- I mean, what if this is illegal?
- Look, please.
- This is my chance to prove myself.
- I can handle it. Ned, come on.
- I don't think this is a good idea.
- The guy in the chair.
- Don't do that.
- Come on.

- go with me?
- Yeah. Sure.
- Really? I mean, uh, great. Cool.
- Cool.
- I'm actually going that way.
- Um...

- so a fall from this height would most likely be lethal.
- Oh.
- Perfect.
- Oh, my God.
- Why is it not breaking?
- It's four-inch ballistic glass.
- You'll have to create more momentum.

- I'm sorry, Peter.
- What are you talking about?
- That thing hasn't even touched me yet.
- True. Then again... wasn't really trying to.
- Chief, they're powering up engines.
- Okay. Yeah, yeah.
- Come on, come on, come on.

Adrian: [to Peter] You need to understand, I will do anything to protect my family. I know you know what I'm talking about. So don't mess with me. Don't interfere in my business again. Because I will kill you and anyone you care about.

- Yeah, Iron Man!
- Uh, Mr. Stark.
- Hey, Mr. Stark, could I do anything?
- What do you want me to do?
- I think you've done enough.

May: [to Peter] I know you left detention today. I know you left the decathlon. I know you sneak out of this house every night and that is not okay. Peter, what is going on with you? You can tell me! Just you and me. I promise.

- Spider guy's here.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa. Not so fast.
- Are you guys okay?
- My bad. That was a little hard.
- I got to say, the other guy was way better with that thing.
- I'm honestly...
- I'm... I'm shocked.

- Hello?
- Hello!
- Please, hey.
- Hey, please. I'm down here.
- I'm down here. I'm stuck.
- I'm stuck. I can't move. I can't...

- We just got to load
- Tony's old Hulkbuster armor... prototype for Cap's new shield, and the Meging...
- The Meg... The...
- Thor's magic belt.
- Okay, slow down.
- You're getting close. It's on your right.
- What?
- Turn right.

Tony: Previously on "Peter Screws the Pooch", I tell you to stay away from this. Instead, you hacked a multi-million dollar suit so you could sneak around behind my back doing the *one thing* I told you not to do.
Peter: Is everyone okay?
Tony: No thanks to you.
Peter: No thanks to me? Those weapons were out there and I tried to tell you about it, but you didn't listen. None of this would've happened if you had just listened to me! If you even cared, you'd actually be here.
[Tony Stark steps out of the suit to reveal that he *is* in fact there]
Tony: I did listen, kid. Who do you think called the FBI, huh? Do you know that I was the only one who believed in you? Everyone else said I was *crazy* to recruit a 14-year-old kid.
Peter: I'm 15.
Tony: No, this is where you ZIP IT, alright? The adult is talking! What if somebody had died tonight? Different story, right? 'Cause that's on *you*. And if you died, I feel like that's on me. I don't need that on my conscience.
Peter: Yes, sir, I...
Tony: Yes.
Peter: I'm sorry. In sorry.
Tony: "Sorry" doesn't cut it.
Peter: I understand. I just wanted to be like you.
Tony: And I wanted you to be better. Okay, it's not working out. I'm gonna need the suit back.
Peter: For how long?
Tony: Forever.
Peter: [on the verge of tears] No! No, no, no! Please, please, please!
Tony: Let's have it.
Peter: You don't understand! This is all I have! I'm nothing without this suit!
Tony: If you're nothing without this suit, then you shouldn't have it, okay? God, I sound like my dad.
Peter: I don't have any other clothes.
Tony: Okay, we'll sort that out.

- Toomes' phone.
- Boss.
- Oh, my butt! Unh!

Spider: I got you!
Karen: This is your chance. Kiss her.

Peter: No, Spider-Man isn't a party trick! I'm just gonna be myself.
Ned: Peter, nobody wants that!

[Spider-Man shows up at a robbery carried out by men in Avengers masks]
Spider: Wait a minute... You guys aren't the real Avengers! I can tell. Hulk gives it away.

- Let's wrap this up. It's a school night.
- Aah!
- So how do jerks like you get tech like this?
- No. Wait, wait, wait!
- Mr. Delmar.
- Hey, Mr. Delmar, you in here?
- Is anybody in here? Hello?

- We're freaking screwed.
- Okay, I know that was scary, but our safety systems are working.
- The safety systems are completely failing.
- We're very safe in here.
- The occupants are in imminent mortal danger.
- Going as fast as I can!

- What the hell?
- Whoo! Unh!

- I'm just kidding. I don't care. Bye.
- All right, so we should run some drills.
- Yeah.
- Hey, Happy. What, uh...?
- What are you doing here?
- I really owe you one.
- I don't know what I would do without this job.
- I mean, before I met Tony...

- It's been an honor, Spider-Man.
- What are you doing here?
- There's a dance.
- Uh...
- I'm... looking... at porn.

- Don't forget about your homecoming tickets.
- Do you have a date for homecoming?
- Thanks, Jason, but I already have a date.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- Morning.
- Ahh, damn it.
- You, in my office right now.

- Nothing?
- One individual identified.
- Aaron Davis, age 33.
- He has a criminal record and an address here in Queens.
- Let's pay him a visit.
- Would you like me to activate the Enhanced Interrogation Protocol?
- Uh, yeah.

Gary: [sees Spider-Man] I think I know that guy!

- I guess we're moving to Oregon.
- Mom says it's nice there, so that's cool.
- Anyways, Dad doesn't want us here during the trial. So...
- Liz, I... I...
- Bye, Peter.
- Whatever's going on with you,
- I hope you figure it out.

Tour: Ok, guys, I know that was scary, but our safety systems are working.
Karen: The safety systems are completely failing.
Tour: We're very safe in here.
Karen: The occupants are in imminent mortal danger.

Adrian: [pulls up to a red traffic light] That's terrible what happened down there in DC, though. Were you scared? I bet you were glad when your old pal Spider-Man showed up in the elevator, though, huh?
Peter: Yeah, well, I- I- I actually didn't go up. I saw it all from the ground. Pretty lucky that he was there that day.
Adrian: [traffic light turns green] Good old Spider-Man.

- Launching decoy drone.
- Whoa.
- Entering new coordinates.
- Good, so it's on its way.
- Yes, sir, right on course.
- Okay, thank you.
- All right.

- Okay, what the hell is that?
- Did you set us up?
- Hey, hey, man.
- Hey! Hey, come on. You gonna shoot at somebody, shoot at me.
- All right.
- Unh!
- Aah! Aah!

- Whoa.
- Whoa, whoa.

- Federal Bureau of Investigation.
- I know, but what are they doing here?
- Get out of the way. Get out of the way!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa! No.
- Look out, look out, look out.
- Move, move, move!
- Move.
- Get to the top deck.
- We're getting out of here.

- I'm intimidating.
- Staten Island Ferry, 11.
- Oh, that's soon.
- That's gonna dissolve in two hours.
- No, no, no. Come fix this.
- Two hours. You deserve that.
- I got ice cream in here.
- You deserve that. You're a criminal.
- Bye, Mr. Criminal.

- Aunt May, did you do dinner already?
- May?

Ned: Peter, are you okay?
Spider: Yeah. Just keep trying to get through to Happy.
Ned: It's been an honor, Spider-Man.
[library lights turn on]
Ms. Warren: What are you doing here? There's a dance.
Ned: Uh...
[quickly shuts his laptop]
Ned: [awkwardly] I'm... looking... at porn.

Tony: Listen, I know school sucks. I know you want to save the world. But... you're not ready yet.

- Is he here too?
- In the toilet? No, he's upstate.
- Upstate... Like, "upstate" upstate?
- Yeah, let's go.
- Take a look.
- It's pretty impressive, huh?
- They just finished remodeling the whole thing.

- Oh.
- Yeah. You good?
- Chess.
- Can you imagine what the boss would say if he knew where we were?
- It's saying there was an energy pulse here.
- There's no sign of the weapon.
- And even if it was here, now it's gone.
- So are we.

Peter: Wow, they're in the middle of a heist! I could catch them all red-handed, this is awesome! Okay, I'm gonna get a little closer so I can see what's happening.
Karen: Would you like me to engage Enhanced Combat Mode?
Peter: Enhanced Combat Mode? Yeah!
Karen: Activating Instant-Kill.
Peter: What? No, no, no, I don't wanna kill anybody!
Karen: Deactivating Instant-Kill.
[Peter jumps out of his position and tries to swing, only to plummet face-first into the ground]
Peter: What the hell just happened?
Karen: You jumped off a sign and landed on your face.

- Your wingsuit.
- Your wingsuit's going to explode!
- Time to go home, Pete.
- I'm trying to save you!
- No.
- No.

- You know, take a picture, slice his throat, put his head in a dryer.
- And I heard a rumor.
- You know who he is.
- If I knew who he was... he'd already be dead.
- Toomes, your family's here!

- Great job, Peter.
- You are 98 percent successful.
- Ninety-eight?
- Yeah, Spider-Man!
- No, no, no.

Peter: I'm sick of Mr. Stark treating me like a kid.
Ned: But you are a kid.
Peter: Yeah. A kid who can stop a bus with his bare hands.

- ♪ And for a little while ♪
- What did he say to you?
- ♪ I was falling in love ♪
- Gotta go.
- I'm sorry.
- You don't deserve this.

Adrian: Eight years without any trouble from those bozos over at Stark Tower, and then this little bastard in red tights shows up, and he thinks he can tear down everything I've built. We're gonna put 'em outta business! We're gonna take everything they got!

Adrian: How many times have I told you not to fire them out in the open?
Jackson: You said to move the merchandise!
Adrian: Under the radar! Under the radar! If you bring Damage Control or the Avengers down here, we're through! You're out there, wearing that goofy thing like Mel Carbs, calling yourself the Shocker! "I'm the Shocker! I shock people!" What is this, Pro Wrestling?

Gary: Don't make me go down there, punk!

- Trial unsuccessful.
- Okay, we're just gonna have to try every sequence.
- Ned, Peter, we're gonna be late.
- Come on, let's go.
- Okay. Uh, hold on, hold on.
- Initiating trial 247.
- It worked. It works.

Tony: Can't you just be a friendly neighborhood Spider-Man?

Anne: Attention, please! In accordance with Executive Order 396-B, all post-battle clean-up operations are now under our jurisdiction. Thank you for your service; we'll take it from here.

Adrian: The rich, the powerful, like Stark, they don't care about us! The world's changed boys, time we change too!

- It's too bad.
- We could have made some cool stuff from all that alien junk.
- I tell you what.
- Let's keep it.
- The world's changing.
- It's time we change, too.

- Retroreflective panels engaged.
- Got a visual on the plane, but I'm feeling a little resistance.
- It's probably just drag on the new turbines.

Aaron: [on phone] I'm sorry, Miles. I'm not gonna make it... Yeah, I'm stuck.

- If you're nothing without this suit, then you shouldn't have it.
- Come on, Peter.
- Come on, Spider-Man.
- Come on, Spider-Man.
- Come on, Spider-Man.
- Come on, Spider-Man!

- No!
- What the hell?
- What the hell?
- Hi, Spider-Man.
- Band practice, was it?

- Just a typical homecoming... on the outside of an invisible jet... fighting my girlfriend's dad. Oh!
- Oh, God!
- I can't believe that worked. Whoa!

[Peter's face is turning pale white, after finding out that Toomes is Liz's father]
Adrian: Hey, you up for some bourbon, some gin, rum?
Spider: I'm not old enough to drink.
Adrian: Right answer.
[winks]

- Actually, I was calling to say maybe you shouldn't come. Listen.
- When I say "penis," you say "Parker."
- Penis!
- Parker!
- Penis!
- Parker!
- Sorry, Peter. I guess we're still losers.
- I'll see you tomorrow.
- I'll see you tomorrow in school.

Michelle: Excuse me, can we go already? Because I was hoping to get in some light protesting in front of an embassy before dinner.
Mr. Harrington: Protesting is patriotic.

May: [to Peter] You need to stop carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.

- You must be Peter.
- Yeah.
- I'm Liz's dad.
- Put her there.
- Hell of a grip.
- Come on in here. Come on.

Spider: [Spider-Man secures Davis's hand to his car with a web] That's going to dissolve in two hours.
Aaron: No. No, no! You're going to fix this!
Spider: Two hours! You deserve that!
Aaron: I've got ice cream!
Spider: You're a criminal! Bye, Mr. Criminal!

- You know I can't do that.
- So now what?
- Mason, can you get that high-altitude seal thing up and running in time?
- Seriously?
- Yes. You will not regret this.
- You in?

Peter: Just a typical homecoming, on the outside of an invisible jet, fighting my girlfriends dad.

- Chief, they're losing altitude.
- Get out of there.
- I'm not going home empty-handed.
- Oh, my God.
- Get out. What are you doing?
- Please turn, please turn!

Tony: Sorry I took your suit. I mean, you had it coming. Actually, it turns out it was the perfect sort of tough love moment that you needed, right? To urge you on, right? Wouldn't you think? Don't you think?
Peter: Gee, I, I...
Tony: Let's just say it was.
[sighs]
Peter: Mr. Stark, I'm...
Tony: You screwed the pooch hard. Big time. But then you did the right thing: you took the dog to the free clinic, you raised the hybrid puppies... alright, not my best analogy. I was wrong about you. I think with a little more mentoring, you could be a real asset to the team.
Peter: To the, to the... to the team?
Tony: Yeah! Anyway, there's about 50 reporters behind that door, real ones, not bloggers, so when you're ready...
[Reveals the Iron Spider Armor]
Tony: Why don't you try that on... and I'll introduce the world to the newest official member of the Avengers: Spider-Man.

- That's how it is.
- I know you know what I'm talking about, Peter.
- Why are you telling me this?
- Because I want you to understand.
- And...
- I needed a little time to get her airborne.

- I'm not obsessed with him.
- Just very observant.
- Flash, you're in for Peter.
- I don't know.
- I gotta check my calendar first.
- I got a hot date with Black Widow coming up.
- That is false.
- What'd I tell you about using the bell for comedic purposes?

- Thought you got away from me, didn't you?
- I got you right where I want you.
- Surprise!
- What the hell?

- Whoa. Has that been there this whole time? That's awesome.
- Locating optimal entry point.
- Proceed to southwest window.
- Karen, I'm on my way.
- There's a lot of glass here.
- You got this.
- Keep coming, keep coming.

Peter: I've gotta go.
Michelle: Where are you going?
[Peter stares at her]
Michelle: What are you hiding, Peter?
[Peter still stares at her, at a loss for words]
Michelle: [laughs] I'm just kidding. I don't care. Bye.

- Happy, I gotta say, tracking me without permission... is a complete violation of privacy.
- That's different.
- What's different?
- Nothing. Look, it's just the Academic Decathlon.
- It's no big deal.
- Hey, hey. I'll decide if it's no big deal.
- Sounds like no big deal, but remember, I'm watching you.

[after punching Spider-Man into a bus using the Shocker Gauntlet]
Herman Schultz: You know, I wasn't too sure about this at first, but... damn!

- Ugh... on, hey, guys.
- Aah!
- No! No!
- Hey, it's Peter. Leave a message.
- Peter, where are you?
- The hat's not working. This is not cool.
- Almost got you.

- You have 30 seconds to get to the cockpit... and override their security.

- Mass cancels out, so it's just gravity times sine.
- Right. See, Flash, being the fastest isn't always the best if you are wrong.
- You're dead.
- Today we're talking about Danish physicist Niels Bohr... but trust me, there's nothing Bohr-ing... about his discoveries regarding quantum theory.

Peter: [in a car with Tony] So, to become an Avenger, is there like trials or an interview?
Tony: Just don't do anything I *would* do.
[Peter nods]
Tony: And definitely don't do anything I wouldn't do.
[Peter looks confused]
Tony: There's a little gray area in there and that's where you operate.
Peter: Oh...
Tony: Alright?
[Tony reaches across Peter with his arm. Peter wraps his arms around him]
Tony: That's not a hug, I'm just grabbing the door for you.
[opens Peter's door]
Tony: All right, kid. Good luck out there.

- you know is wrong...
- Where you going? Get back here. just think to yourself, what would Captain America do?
- Why are you here?
- You don't have detention.
- Oh, I know. I just like coming here to sketch people in crisis.
- It's you.
- So your body's changing.
- Believe me, I know how that feels.

Peter: So, to become an Avenger, are there like trials, or an interview.

- All right, coming up.
- Hey, Big Bird. This doesn't belong to you.
- Oh, God.
- Suit lady, what was that?!
- You told me to choose.
- What? No, just set everything back to normal.
- Activating all systems.

- Hey.
- I just saved your life.
- Now, what do you say?
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- Now, you go on in there and you show my daughter a good time, okay?
- Just not too good.