The Best Mae Thompson Quotes

[after his talk with Don]
Mae: Did you tell him the truth?
Russell: [smiles knowingly] Honey...
Mae: Did they take it okay?
Russell: Mae...
[Don honks the horn in 'goodbye' and drives off]
Russell: [furiously] 80 bucks, Mae! NON-refundable! Those kids are GROUNDED!

[after their visit with the Szalinskis]
Mae: I thought you didn't believe him.
Russell: Oh, I don't. Electricity's cheap.

Mae: How did this happen?
Russell: Let me handle this. How did this happen?

[Wayne shows the Thompsons the shrunken furniture]
Mae: Why didn't you tell us earlier?
Diane: Well, up until now, the machine just... blew things up.
Mae: Are you saying that that machine...?
Russell: Blew up my kids?
Diane: No, no!
Wayne: No, if the machine had blown up the kids, there'd be pieces of them everywhere...
Diane: Wayne!
Wayne: Sorry, but I'm positive about this. The machine shrunk our kids.
Russell: You're the one who needs a shrink, Szalinski. You are a nut case. And I'll tell you something: I have got an air hammer in my attic, and if you did do something to my kids, there's gonna be pieces of you *all over the NEIGHBORHOOD*! Come on, Mae!
[he storms out of the house, dragging Mae after him]
Wayne: I think that went well.
Diane: I think we should have them over more often.

Mae: [Russ nurses a head wound] You got it, honey.
Russell: Sure?
Mae: Positive. You're wiping away brain cells and there aren't many to spare.
Russell: Everybody in my family is a comedian.
Mae: Everybody except you.