The Best Robert Oliveri Quotes

Nick: Where'd you learn artificial respiration?
Russell: French class, kid.

Ronald: [the ground starts shaking] EARTHQUAKE!
Nick: No, worse... LAWNMOWER!

Nick: We're now a quarter of an inch tall, and 64 feet from the house. That's an equivalent of three-point-two miles. That's a long way. Even for a man of science.
Amy: Nick, I've got six hours to get home, get big and get to the mall. Now get moving.

Nick: I'm on a special diet. No toxic waste.

Nick: Have a ball, baby.

Russell: He hit a baseball through your attic window...
Amy: He what?
Ronald: It shouldn't have been closed in the first place. It's a nice day!
Russell: We'll get it fixed okay? We'll take it out of his allowance all right?
Ronald: My allowance? Dream on!
Russell: Okay, we'll just have dad pay for it huh?
Ronald: We'll take it out of my allowance... Now give me my ball back.
Nick: Until you pay, no man shall pass.
Ronald: You've got nothing to say about it, *space boy*!
Amy: Cool it! Nick, take him upstairs and get him his ball. And clean up the mess.
Nick: [incredulous] What?
Amy: [impatiently] Do it, Nick! I don't have time to mess around.

Nick: We could be anywhere now.
Russell: I think we're still in your yard.
Nick: How do you know?
Russell: Any other yard the grass would be shorter.

Ronald: Hey Szalinski, ever do anything normal? Like play baseball?
Nick: Nope. Baseball is for mortals.
Ronald: Maybe you could be the base.
Nick: Maybe you could be the mound.
Russell: Ronald, lug your stuff!
Ronald: Later, worm.

[Kevin has brought Edward to his class for show and tell]
Kevin: One chop to a guy's neck, and it's all over.
[Edward does a karate pose; the class gasps in unison]

Nick: [sees Quark] It's Quark!
[whistles until Quark sees them]
Nick: Oh, no!
Amy: What is it, Nick?
Nick: [observes the Thompsons' cat jumping from the fence] It's that stupid cat of theirs!
Ronald: Our cat is not stupid!
Nick: [sees Quark being chased back in the house] It just chased Quark away!
Ronald: It's Russ's stupid cat...
[his last word turns to panic as the stem tips over]
Amy: Hang on, Nick!
Nick: I can't! I'M SLIPPING!
[Nick falls into a flower full of pollen]

Nick: Help! Don't eat me!
[screams]

Edward: Kevin, you wanna play scissors, paper, stone again?
Kevin: No!
Edward: Why not?
Kevin: 'Cause it's boring. I always win!

Amy: Good night, Russ.
Russell: Good night, Amy.
Nick: [pause, then mockingly] Good night, Amy!

Kevin: Man, those things are cool! You know, I bet they're razor-sharp. One karate chop to a guy's neck...
Peg: Kevin...! Edward... would you like some butter for your bread? Great!
Edward: Thank you.
Kevin: Hey, can I bring him to show and tell on Monday?
Peg: Kevin, I've had enough

Ronald: [as the kids eat an Oreo, now gigantic to them] They're never going to believe this at school.
Nick: Yeah, I can just see the note to the teacher: "Dear Miss Mason, Nick is not absent. He's pinned to this note".

Nick: When we crashed, my entire life flashed before my eyes. It didn't take too long.

[Nick has fallen into a flower, full of pollen]
Amy: Nicky! Get out of there! You're allergic to pollen!
Nick: [sniffing the pollen] It's too big! I'm too little to breathe it in.
[sniffs it again, then sneezes]

Amy: I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto.
Nick: I don't think we're in the food chain anymore, Dorothy.

[last lines]
Nick: Hey wait! I get it! FRENCH CLASS!