The Best Maggie Quotes

Maggie: I could do with a cup of rose 'ere, love. I'm spittin' feathers.
Sgt. Cryer: Me too, Maggie. Me too.

[Sgt. Cryer enters the charge room to find it jam-packed with the suspects from the drugs raid, along with a stressed Sgt. Penny, who is taking their names down]
Sgt. Penny: [raises his voice to all the suspects in the charge room] One at a time, what do think I am, a bloody robot? LET'S HAVE SOME QUIET, PLEASE!
Sgt. Cryer: [to Penny] 'Ere, is that perspiration on your forehead?
Sgt. Penny: How would you know?
Sgt. Cryer: Listen, I've got someone to make an old man very happy.
[Sure enough, Maggie, along with Miss Newnham, enters the charge room]
Sgt. Penny: Oh, no!
Maggie: [to Penny] Well, if you're gonna be like that, I'll come back later. I don't mind.
Sgt. Penny: [to Miss Newnham] Salmon?
Miss: Yes, 3 tins.
Sgt. Penny: All a mistake, I suppose.
Maggie: [to Penny] Well, I wouldn't do it on purpose, would I?
Sgt. Penny: [sighs] What on earth are we going to do with you, Maggie?
Maggie: Well, you can start off, by making me a nice cup of tea.

Maggie: [drinking her tea from a paper cup] Why can't I have a cup and saucer, like everybody else? I remember the time when you could get a decent cup of tea in this nick.
Sgt. Cryer: Safety regulations, Maggie.