The Best Mallory Budge Quotes

Dr. Sean McNamara: Tell us what you don't like about yourself.
Dawn: Nothin' money can't buy. I have a few extra layers on my pound cake, that's where you come in.
Dr. Christian Troy: So, you'd like some liposuction Mrs. Budge.
Dawn: I mean all over. Even behind my ears. Whatever it costs, I can afford it. I hit the big power ball, $300,81,000,000. Maybe you saw me on Maury?
Dr. Sean McNamara: Congratulations.
Dr. Christian Troy: Wow.
Dawn: Excuse me, *I* won it. I am the one, who sat for two hours, in the humidity, my fat ass in a broken' down lawn chair, just to buy my tickets. While these two bugeritas were stayin' home to watch a re-run of "The Ghost Whisperer".
Dwight: It was the second two-parter Dawn!
Mallory: The only reason you didn't stay home was cause you had already seen it, Ma.
Dawn: Zip it, Mallory!
Dawn: Anyways, after I won, the first thing I purchased, were the exact replicas of the mirrors of Louis the XIV has in Versailles. Ya know, France? $15,000 a piece. I would have paid $5000,000,000. After I had them professionally hung, I looked at myself in them and thought, Pudge Budge has got to go. It is time my body matched my bank account.
Mallory: [laughs] If that's what your after, hell, you'd been skinny your whole life. She was only making $15,000 down at the Jiffy Lube.
Dawn: Can you sew her mouth shut? I mean literately. Can you put a zipper on there? Because I swear to you, I will do it!
Dr. Sean McNamara: Is there something your interested in having done Mallory?
Mallory: [Looks down at her chest] I want some new tits.Big ones.
Dawn: Finally, something we agree on. I mean shes gotta do something about those mosquito bites, shes never gonna get a man and move the hell out of my house. While you're in there, do something about her belly button. It's disgusting. Show the doctors Mallory.
Mallory: [Mallory lifts up her shirt to expose her bellybutton] I always thought it was kinda cute.
Dawn: How the hell are ya gonna walk around South Beach in a Tube Top? Look Dwight, it's bigger then your penis.
Dr. Sean McNamara: Mr. Budge, we haven't herd much from you. Do you think your daughter's...
Dawn: Excuse me, Dwight is my second husband, he is not Mallory's father. He is here, because he would like a bigger dick. And those pumps? A total waste of money.
Dr. Christian Troy: So, you would like a penis enlargement Mr. Budge.
Dwight: Aw, hell, I don't know, I never really thought of having an operation.
Dawn: It never came into your head before because we could never afford it homey. Now, that's all changed now. We're the rich folks now. It's time that we got what we deserve, and we deserve these operations.
Dr. Sean McNamara: I have to say Mrs. Budge, McNamara or Troy won't operate on patients who are uncertain of their convictions.
Dawn: No, no, they want them, it's all we talked about from the drive down from Pensacola.