The Best Sam Quotes

Penelope: I am so sorry. I totally could have made that recipe without cilantro.
Sam: It's my fault. I should have disclosed my food allergies.
Penelope: But I could have asked.
Sam: Take a breath. The swelling's gone down.
Penelope: Now, what are we gonna do for our first Valentine's?
Sam: Whatever you want to do.
Penelope: I don't want it to always be up to me.
Sam: I thought you liked planning things.
Penelope: Yeah. But if I'm always the one planning things, then I'm always the one planning things.
Sam: You're right. So, I'm gonna make the executive decision that we are spending our first Valentine's Day at Patty's.
Penelope: Patty's, the diner?
Sam: Yeah, Patty's the diner. They have the best milkshakes in town. Come on.
Penelope: I like milkshakes.

[Reid and JJ walk to the motel desk and ring the bell to draw attention]
Sam: 25 an hour, 2 hour minimum

Derek: Come here, come here.
Savannah: You know, that's why I blame you.
Derek: What, me?
Savannah: Yes. One more time turned into two more times, and now there's no way we're getting a table on such short notice.
Derek: Girl, look at you. Can you blame me? But as long as I'm with you, we can go anywhere you want... Oh, wait a minute. Hello, what are you doing here?
Penelope: Oh, my God.
Savannah: Penelope?
Penelope: Wow, it is so nice to finally meet you.
Savannah: You, too.
Derek: Hey, you must be Sam.
Sam: Sam I am. I've heard a lot about you.
Derek: Oh, not guilty. Not guilty.
Penelope: Look at you guys. You're literally flawless. You're like the live-action Ken and Barbie.
Sam: So where are you guys headed?
Derek: Well, we actually had a change of plans.
Sam: Same here.
Penelope: Is what's happening right now what I think is happening right now?
Savannah: Why, I believe so.
Penelope: This is our first double date.
Sam: In that case, after you.
Savannah: All right.
Derek: And after you, sir.

Coffee: Medium latte, light foam, extra soy.
Penelope: That's you.
Sam: Good memory.
Penelope: Listen, we should catch up.
Sam: We should.
Penelope: Perfect.
Sam: Nice to meet you, Kenneth.
Kevin: Kevin.
[Sam walks away]
Kevin: Did you know that soy milk contains high levels of phytoestrogen, which mimics the functions of estrogen inside humans? I'm just saying he's gonna have moobs.
Penelope: What are moobs?
Kevin: Man boobs.