The Best Sophie Quotes

Krusty: Kid, I gotta admit, you're starting to grow on me.
Sophie: Same here, Dad. It's nice that you don't always have to be on.
Krusty: I thought I was on! When was I off? That bit about the tide pool? I tell you, it killed at Jacques Cousteau's funeral.
Sophie: [taking out a violin] Dad, relax. Just enjoy the sunset.
Krusty: [she starts to play] Hey, I know that song. My dad used to play it when I was a boy.
[sniffling]
Krusty: It's beautiful.
Sophie: Do you play?
Krusty: No, I guess musical talent skips a generation, like diabetes. Might want to watch out for that, too.

Krusty: Name?
Sophie: My name is Sophie.
Krusty: Hey, good luck with that.
Sophie: I'm your daughter.
Krusty: WHAAA...?
Sophie: [hugging him] I finally found my daddy.
Krusty: Ohh...
[glancing at his pants]
Krusty: I think I just seltzered myself.
[John Updike snickers]
Krusty: Shut up, Updike!

Sophie: [upon seeing how unfatherly Krusty is] You know, for a clown, you're not really a lot of fun.

Sophie: I was hoping maybe we could do some stuff together like go to the beach and junk.
Krusty: Look, you're a sweet kid, but I'm not exactly father material. I curse, I gamble, I pick fights with homeless people. I...
[tears well up in her eyes]
Krusty: What's wrong with your eyes? You need a Claritin or something?
[her lip trembles]
Krusty: Oh, all right. You get one trip to the beach, with my assistant.
[her face falls]
Krusty: Okay, I'll take you.

Sophie: Mom, I had the best time! Can Dad come in for milk and cookies?
Krusty: Why, I'd love to... Whoa!
[seeing all the anti-clown art in the apartment, he groans nervously]
Krusty: Oskar Homolka! That's okay. I think I'll go somewhere friendlier, like beautiful downtown Grozny!

Krusty: [stopping Sophie's mom from assassinating Saddam Hussein] I just saved my baseball bit. Who's Sayin's on first, Iya Tol'ya's on second, and...
Sophie's: [jumping on him and choking him] You stupid clown!
Krusty: [the flashback ends] When I came to, she was gone and the war had been over for eight months. Anyway, how'd you finally find me?
Sophie: All Mom ever said was my father was some pathetic clown. So typed "pathetic clown" into a search engine and your name popped right up.

Krusty: [at the beach with Sophie, putting on a sleep mask] Okay, kid, there's the water. Knock yourself out.
Sophie: Come on, Dad. Let's go bodysurfing or boogie boarding.
Krusty: Listen, kid, I'm not the kind of dad who, you know, does things or says stuff or looks at you. But the love is there.
[kissing his hand]
Krusty: Where are you? Give Daddy a clue.
[she puts his hand on her cheek]
Krusty: Oh, that's my girl.
Sophie: Okay, you just sit there and I'll throw the Frisbee to you.
Krusty: Oof, I gotta sit up now? What am I, Baryshnikov?