The Best Stephan Jones Quotes

Lawyer: Right, let me make sure that I have all this straight, basically, you have no experience, no college degree, no resume, no work history whatsoever in fact, and now you would like to be a lawyer?
Aileen: No, see, I was, um... I'm sorry, but when I read the ad it said that you were looking for a secretary.
Lawyer: OK. Well, you need to learn how to type, you'll need computer skills, most of our secretaries have college degrees, in fact, most of them have specialised in law.
[he looks at her application form again]
Lawyer: I don't mean to sound harsh but frankly, this is a little insulting. I see you're from Daytona Beach and all of that looks great, it must be wonderful, but can I tell you something? When the beach party is over, you don't get to say, "You know what? I think now I'd like to have what everybody else has worked their entire life for." It doesn't work that way.
Aileen: Fuck you, man. Yeah, fuck you! You don't fuckin' know me!
Lawyer: OK, great. That's great. See, now I'm so sorry I didn't hire you before. Leslie, could you please escort Miss... I don't even know her name because of course she doesn't have a resume... out.
Aileen: I don't need a fuckin' escort, you piece of shit! What, you think I'm a fuckin' retard? Take your fuckin' job and fuckin' shove it! Fuck you, Leslie!