The Best Susan Quotes

Bo: I'm looking for a fresh start, actually We both are. My sister Kenzi here just left rehab.
Kenzi: Anti-depressants. Turns out there is such a thing as "too perky".
Susan: And you?
Bo: Well, my partner Laur - -ence and I we're taking a break.
Kenzi: He left her at the altar. For our other sister. I can't even...
Susan: Oh, sweetie, you'll be better off for it. I learned that after my second divorce.

Caroline: I've been destined for this my whole life.
Bo: You're just a human who got lucky and found a fancy hoodoo necklace.
Susan: The point is, there's nothing we can't do!
Caroline: Make ourselves younger, take over the PTA.
Susan: Get free blowouts!

Susan: I hate stupid book club. And gluten-free bread. And killing innocent people!
Caroline: Tim wasn't innocent! He cheated on me! Over and over and over!
Susan: I'm talking about Sam! The hot new dad on the block. Who rejected you when you tried to sleep with him.
Caroline: Nobody rejects me.
Susan: Ha! Everyone does! Our yoga instructor, our mechanic, Eleanor's eighteen year old son! Suck on that vegan energy bar, you bitch!

Susan: The gentleman who owned this house previously, Jake Thatcher - -Disappeared. Left all his furniture and a substantial collection of lingerie catalogues. He was one of Shady Grove's most eligible bachelors.
[Turns to Bo]
Susan: Oh! He would've been perfect for you!

Susan: Sam lost his wife, got weird. Has a weird ten year old, too. I don't think he was breastfed.