The Best Thao Quotes

Walt: [Walt is trying to "man" up Thao] Now go out and talk to him, and it ain't rocket science for Christ's sake.
Thao: Yeah, but I don't have a job, a car, or a girlfriend.
Barber: Jesus. I shoulda blown his head off when I had the chance.
Walt: Yeah. Maybe so.

Walt: Relax, zipperhead. I'm not gonna shoot you. I'd look down too, if I was you. You know, I knew you were a dipshit the first time I ever saw you. Then I thought you were worse with women than stealing cars... Toad.
Thao: It's Thao.
Walt: What?
Thao: It's not Toad, my name is Thao.
Walt: Yeah, well, you were blowing it with that girl who was there. Not that I give two shits about a toad like you.
Thao: You don't know what you're talking about.
Walt: You're wrong, eggroll, I know exactly what I'm talking about. I may not be the most pleasant person to be around, but I got the best woman who was ever on this planet to marry me. I worked at it, it was the best thing ever happened to me. Hands down. But you, you know, you're letting Click-Clack, Ding-Dong and Charlie Chan just walk out with Miss What's-her-face. She likes you, you know? Though I don't know why!
Thao: Who?
Walt: Yum Yum. You know, the girl in the purple sweater. She's been looking at you all day, stupid!
Thao: You mean Youa?
Walt: Yeah... Yum Yum... yeah... nice girl... nice girl, very charming girl... I talked with her... yeah. But you, you just let her walk out right out with the Three Stooges. And you know why? 'Cause you're a big fat pussy. Well, I gotta go. Good day, pussycake.

Walt: Now you just gotta learn how guys talk. You just listen to the way Martin and I banter it back and forth. You OK? You're ready?
Thao: Sir!
Walt: Alright let's go in...
Barber: Perfect! A Polak and AND a Chink!
Walt: How ya doing Martin, you crazy Italian prick?
Barber: Walts! You cheap bastard! I should have known you'd come in, I was having such a pleasant day!
Walt: What'd you do? You ruse some poor blind guy out of his money? Gave him the wrong change?
Barber: Who's the Nip?
Walt: Ohh... He's a pussy kid from next door. I'm trying to man him up a little bit... You see kid, now that's how guys talk to one another.
Thao: They do?
Barber: What, you got shit on your ribs?
Walt: Now you go out and come back in and talk to him like a man, like a REAL man. Come on! Get your ass outta here! Come on back now.
[to Martin]
Walt: Sorry about this.
Thao: What's up ya old Italian prick?
Barber: [pointing rifle at Thao] Get out of my shop before I blow your head off, you goddamn dick sucker! Go!
Walt: Jezus Christ, Holy Shit! Hehe. Take it easy, take it easy!
[to Thao]
Walt: What the hell are you doing? Have you lost your mind?
Thao: But that's what you said. That's what you said men say.
Walt: You don't just come in and insult the man in his own shop! You just don't do that. What happens if you meet some stranger? You get the wrong one, he's gonna blow your gook head right off!
Thao: What should I have said then?
Barber: Well... why don't you start with... eeehm... Hi or Hello...
Walt: Yeah, just come in and say... eeeehm... Sir, I'd like a haircut if you have the time.
Barber: Yeah, be polite, but don't kiss ass.
Walt: In fact you could talk about a construction job you just came from and bitch about your girlfriend and your car.
Barber: eeeehm... Son of a bitch, I just got my brakes fixed and eeehmm those son of bitches really nailed me, I mean they screwed me right in the ass!
Walt: Yeah, don't swear AT the guy, just talk about people who are not in the room... eeeh... you could talk about your boss... eeeh... making you work extra time when there is bowling night.
Barber: Right, or... eeeh... my old lady bitches for two goddamn hours about how... eeeeh... they don't take expired coupons at the grocery stores. And the minute I turn on the fucking game, she starts crying how we never talk!

Thao: Excuse me, Sir, I need a haircut if you ain't too busy, you old Italian son of a bitch prick barber. Boy, does my ass hurt from all of the guys at my construction job.

Thao: [Walt's smoking] You should quit. Those things are bad for you.
Walt: Yeah? So's being in a gang.

Thao: What was it like to kill someone?
Walt: You don't want to know.