The Best Barber Martin Quotes

Walt: Now you just gotta learn how guys talk. You just listen to the way Martin and I banter it back and forth. You OK? You're ready?
Thao: Sir!
Walt: Alright let's go in...
Barber: Perfect! A Polak and AND a Chink!
Walt: How ya doing Martin, you crazy Italian prick?
Barber: Walts! You cheap bastard! I should have known you'd come in, I was having such a pleasant day!
Walt: What'd you do? You ruse some poor blind guy out of his money? Gave him the wrong change?
Barber: Who's the Nip?
Walt: Ohh... He's a pussy kid from next door. I'm trying to man him up a little bit... You see kid, now that's how guys talk to one another.
Thao: They do?
Barber: What, you got shit on your ribs?
Walt: Now you go out and come back in and talk to him like a man, like a REAL man. Come on! Get your ass outta here! Come on back now.
[to Martin]
Walt: Sorry about this.
Thao: What's up ya old Italian prick?
Barber: [pointing rifle at Thao] Get out of my shop before I blow your head off, you goddamn dick sucker! Go!
Walt: Jezus Christ, Holy Shit! Hehe. Take it easy, take it easy!
[to Thao]
Walt: What the hell are you doing? Have you lost your mind?
Thao: But that's what you said. That's what you said men say.
Walt: You don't just come in and insult the man in his own shop! You just don't do that. What happens if you meet some stranger? You get the wrong one, he's gonna blow your gook head right off!
Thao: What should I have said then?
Barber: Well... why don't you start with... eeehm... Hi or Hello...
Walt: Yeah, just come in and say... eeeehm... Sir, I'd like a haircut if you have the time.
Barber: Yeah, be polite, but don't kiss ass.
Walt: In fact you could talk about a construction job you just came from and bitch about your girlfriend and your car.
Barber: eeeehm... Son of a bitch, I just got my brakes fixed and eeehmm those son of bitches really nailed me, I mean they screwed me right in the ass!
Walt: Yeah, don't swear AT the guy, just talk about people who are not in the room... eeeh... you could talk about your boss... eeeh... making you work extra time when there is bowling night.
Barber: Right, or... eeeh... my old lady bitches for two goddamn hours about how... eeeeh... they don't take expired coupons at the grocery stores. And the minute I turn on the fucking game, she starts crying how we never talk!

Barber: There. You finally look like a human being again. You shouldn't wait so long between hair cuts, you cheap son of a bitch.
Walt: Yeah. I'm surprised you're still around. I was always hoping you'd die off and they got someone in here that knew what the hell they were doing. Instead, you're just hanging around like the doo-wop dago you are.
Barber: That'll be ten bucks, Walt.
Walt: Ten bucks? Jesus Christ, Marty. What are you, half Jew or somethin'? You keep raising the damn prices all the time.
Barber: It's been ten bucks for the last five years, you hard-nosed Polack son of a bitch.
Walt: Yeah, well keep the change.
Barber: See you in three weeks, prick.
Walt: Not if I see you first, dipshit.

Walt: [Walt is trying to "man" up Thao] Now go out and talk to him, and it ain't rocket science for Christ's sake.
Thao: Yeah, but I don't have a job, a car, or a girlfriend.
Barber: Jesus. I shoulda blown his head off when I had the chance.
Walt: Yeah. Maybe so.