The Best Waiter Quotes

Dr. Niles Crane: Excuse me, excuse me, the lady who sent me the champagne, do you happen to know which stateroom she's in?
Waiter: No sir, but she did ask me to give you a message.
Dr. Niles Crane: Yes.
[waiter splashes another glass of champagne in Nile's face]
Dr. Niles Crane: Just out of curiosity, how much are these running her?

Waiter: [waiter arrives with a glass of champagne] I beg your pardon, sir, the lady wishes to send you this with her compliments.
Dr. Niles Crane: What lady?
Waiter: Back there in the black dress and the veil.
Dr. Niles Crane: Maris!
Waiter: Oh, and there was one more thing...
Dr. Niles Crane: Yes
[waiter splashes the champagne in Nile's face]