50 Best Xander Cage Quotes

[referring to Senator Dick]
Xander: He also wants video games banned because he believes that they're destroying education... come on Dick, it's the only education we got.

Milan: My name is Milan Sova, Czech Secret Police. When you are here, you are under my jurisdiction. You take my orders, you do what I say. And if you become any kind of an inconvenience, I'll shoot you.
Xander: That's great, is this were I'm staying?
Milan: You are here because your government is putting pressure on my government. This is an internal affair, a Czech affair that you are interfering with. I will warning you once, don't shit in my lawn. Get whatever information your government seeks, and get out.
Xander: Let's get this straight. You may not want me here, but I definitely don't want to be here. Two, I've never been under anyone's jurisdiction, and three, if you're gonna shoot anybody, shoot the monkey that sold you this suit.

Gibbons: I want you to meet some people and find out whatever you can about them.
Xander: What kind of people?
Gibbons: Dirty. Dangerous. Tattooed. Uncivilized. Your kind of people.

[before entering Yorgi's club]
Milan: Everyone in this club's got two things in common; they're filthy rich and they're criminals.
Xander: I'll fit in perfect, except for the filthy rich part.

Toby: [showing Xander the binoculars] Eagle Eyes. Nine enhanced-vision modes. Every little boy's dream: the penetrator mode. Check it out.
[points at a woman]
Xander: [looks through the binoculars, sees under the woman's clothes] Oh, my God.
Toby: She's checking you out.
Xander: I gotta hang onto these.

Xander: You're okay, Yorgi
Yorgi: Everything's okay... with enough vodka.

Xander: Welcome to the Xander Zone.

Toby: Ah. Knocked over a few 7-Elevens, have we?
Xander: No, I had my leg in a cast for about three months. All I did was play first-person shooter video games.
Toby: That's a really sad story.

Augustus: Let me simplify it for you. Kick some ass, get the girl, and try to look dope while you do it.
Xander: I could definitely make that work.

Xander: You have a bazooka! Dude, stop thinking Prague Police and start thinking Playstation. Blow shit up!
Ivan: Is not bazooka. It's heat-seeker, right?
Xander: Heat-seeker...
Xander: [picks up heat-seeker rocket] Set it!
[Ivan activates heat-seeker]
Xander: The son of a bitch is smoking.
[fires rocket, kills Kirill]
Xander: I told him that cigarette was gonna kill him one day.

Xander: I wish I had a video camera.
Yelena: What are you talking about?
Xander: 'Cause this is gonna be one hell of a trick.

Xander: I like anything fast enough to do something stupid in.

Yelena: I want immunity from prosecution, asylum in the U.S., and citizenship.
Xander: How bout a condo in South Beach and a rich boyfriend?
Yelena: Those I can get for myself.

Xander: [after the party is raided, presumably by NSA] Okay, Okay, I'll turn down the music.

Paul: What's wrong, hotshot? No witty comeback?
Xander: No. I just finally figured out that math problem.
[Xander pushes Donovan through a hole in the hull of the plane]
Xander: It's gonna take two flushes.

Xander: [referring to marines in full camo] Here comes the ROTC!

Yelena: I've been undercover here for two years.
Xander: Two years? What was your plan? To let them die of old age?
Yelena: There was no plan. A year and a half ago, Intelligence gets reorganized, and I stop getting orders. They forget about me. And I did what I must to survive. You understand?
Xander: What do I understand? I've been an agent for a week.

Xander: [after Yelena shoots Milan Sova and walks in with the Ivans] You wanna tell me what you're doing with the Ivan's?

[after snowboarding down an avalanche]
Xander: Nothing like fresh powder.

Xander: [Upon seeing Darius Stone arrive in Xander's long-lost 1967 Pontiac GTO musclecar] That's a hell of a car!
Darius: Yeah. Gibbons told me to keep an eye on it. He said I'd know why when I need to know why. Now I know why.
Xander: It's exactly the way I left it.
Darius: I took it on a date or two.
Xander: [laughs, with a wink]

Yorgi: There is an old punk song, it says America stands for freedom...
Xander: But if you think you're free try walking into a deli...
Yorgi,878: And urinating on the cheese!

Xander: Ya know, if you're gonna send someone to save the world, make sure they like it the way it is.

Xander: Look who it is. Frankenstein. Uncuff me so I can beat the shit out of you.
Gibbons: Relax, X, you just graduated at the head of your class.

Xander: What is this place?
Gibbons: Looks like a diner.
Xander: That's clever. You know, you almost had me going there for a while. I was a bit groggy before, then I started noticing things. Like, you got a stockbroker over here, all dressed up reading the Financial Times on a Sunday morning when the market's closed. Unlikely, but okay, I can go with that. I can even go with the stick-up man packing a cop-issue Beretta. But you want to know where you blew it?
[points at waitress]
Xander: With her. My aunt was in the restaurant business all her life. There's no way in hell a career waitress comes to work in high heels. She'd have blisters the size of pancakes before lunch. And if she ain't real, then this whole thing ain't real. That's how I knew this bozo over here wouldn't get a shot off even if we waited till St. Patrick's Day.
[fires shotgun at wall]
Xander: Because there's nothing but blanks in these guns. Oh, and no offense, but their performances were terrible.

Jane: Your country needs you, Mr. Cage. The Triple-X program needs you. It's time to be a patriot.
Xander: By whose definition? The last time I was patriotic, I got three strikes. And there was only one man who believed in the underdog. Patriotism is dead. There's only rebels and tyrants now.
Jane: So, which are you?
Xander: I'm Triple-X.

Yelena: Xander? Remember what I told you before, when you kissed me?
Xander: Never again?
Yelena: I lied.

Gibbons: I gave you an order!
Xander: And I followed that order. You said, 'Go home, Triple X.' That means stay, doesn't it?

Gibbons: You ever watch lions at the zoo? You can always tell which ones were captured in the wild by the look in their eyes. The wild cat. She remembers running across the plain, the thrill of the hunt. Four hundred pounds of killing fury, locked in a box. But after a while, their eyes start to glaze over, and you can tell their soul has died. The same thing happens to a man. Leavenworth Federal Penetentiary is no joke. They'll take a wild man like you and throw him in solitary just for the fun of it. No more mountains to board, no more oceans to surf. Just a 6-by-8 cell with no window and only a bucket to shit in. You can avoid all of that by doing me this small favor.
Xander: You don't have shit on me.
Gibbons: I noticed you have three X's tattooed on the back of your neck. I think that's rather appropriate, since you're looking at three strikes. Grand theft auto, reckless endangerment, and that little bridge stunt of yours makes you a three-time loser. Maybe you ought to call yourself "Triple X." But if you do what I want, I'll make all your little recent criminal transgressions go away and let you get back to that pathetic excuse of a life.

Xander: [wakes up in cargo plane] You guys haven't been to any diners lately, huh?
Virg: Diner finalists.

Xander: You're in the Xander Zone.

Xander: I've been risking my life for a lot of stupid reasons. This is the first one that makes sense to me.

El: Okay, funny guys. I'll show you what we do when funny guys get in our business.
Xander: What? Hog-tie us and force us to listen to your bad accent?
El: No. Cut off their Achilles tendon and watch them flop around like a marionette. Unless you have something to tell me, something I need to know? Huh?
Xander: Uh, okay. You're short.
[TJ and Virg start to laugh]
Xander: And my friend over there says you could use a haircut to update your style. Get off me.
El: [kicks Virg] Shut up!
Xander: Just two seconds ago, you told us to talk. Now it's "Shut up?" I mean, I don't mean to nit-pick, but you're the worst at this torture thing.

Xander: I live for this shit.

Xander: I live for this shit.

Milan: First you set me up in the bar. Then you shoot me in the back.
Xander: My boss does it to me. I did it to you. It's a vicious circle.

Paul: Yo, asshole. We gonna have a problem?
Xander: Oh, no problem. How was your trip? I'm just doing the math.
Paul: Oh, yeah? What math?
Xander: Air velocity divided by distance. So, when I stuff you down the toilet, search and rescue will know where to find you between China and North Korea.
Paul: Keep talking, little man.
Xander: Hold that thought, G.I. Joe.

Xander: [to Yorgi] Yeah. Cars, boards, bikes. I like anything fast enough to do something stupid in.

Xander: Wow, that's an impressive trick.

Xander: [after getting shot with a dart] It was only a Corvette!

Yelena: Do you know what a wire transfer is?
Xander: Is she for real. Sweetheart is there anything else you need to do, let us big boys have a conversation.
Yelena: Conversation. A word with four syllables. Do you want some ice before your brain overheats.
Xander: Ice. Yeah, you could chisel some off your heart, if you could find it.

Xander: My kind of people would say, "Kiss my ass, Scarface."

[Xander Cage drives a stolen Corvette, which belongs to senator Dick Hotchkiss, and is chased by the police]
Police: You, in the red Corvette! Pull over immediately.
Xander: Yeah, yeah. These monkeys are following me because I just took this car. Obviously the car doesn't belong to me, it's not my style. It belongs to Dick. Dick Hotchkiss, a California state senator. You remember Dick? He's the guy who tried to ban rap music because he feels that the lyrics promote violence. It's music, Dick! He's also the guy who wants to pull every video game off every shop in the country, because he feels that the video games diminishing intelligence of our youth. Oh, come on, Dick. It's only education we got. Dick, you're a bad man. You know what we do to bad men. We punish them. Dick, you've just entered The Xander Zone.
[on the walkie talkie]
Xander: Okay, I'm coming in hot with a side of bacon.
Hillside: Go. Go, go, go, go!
[Xander jumps with the Corvette off the bridge]
Van: Pull it! Pull it!
[Xander jumps out of the Corvette with a parachute]
Van: Yes!
[the Corvette falls on the surface and explodes while the three guys in a Cadillac arrive to pick up Xander and the equipment]
Caddy: Go get the cameras. Go, go, go.
Xander: Moral of the story is, don't be a dick, Dick.

Jane: Agent Clearidge worked closely with Gibbons. She'll handle support for the operation.
Becky: And I bet a guy like you needs a lot of support. What are you? Like 220? 230? Be honest. 250 is the hard max for my swing.
Xander: Oh, come on.
Becky: I'm kidding. It's not like I have a safe word, or anything. It's "kumquat." Never really think about it. Kumquat.

Xander: The things I'm gonna do for my country.

Xander: Is this guy gonna hump my leg or what?

Xander: [after El Jefe slaps Xander across the face] You slap me again, I'm going to throw you a beating.
[El Jefe slaps him again]
Xander: Boy, I hope they're paying you extra for this.
El: [points machete in his face] You know what, funny guy? Maybe I'll cut off your nose first, huh? Funny guy.
Xander: What's funny is, this actually smells like real blood.
El: I hope you like it, because it's the last thing you're going to smell.

Xander: Koyla, Yorgi's younger brother, happens to be an action sports fanatic. So naturally, he's a fan. But, when you kill a bottle of Vodka in three swigs, and you're gonna talk too much.

Xander: Yo. What's your name, slick?
Ivan: My name is Ivan.
Xander: Ivan? What's your name, buddy?
Ivan: [looks back at Xander] My name is Ivan.
Xander: [looking confused] You're both Ivan?

Xiang: I'm in this hospital bed. I'm barely conscious. Delirious. Drowning in my own blood. And all I can hear myself think is, "Today's the day. Today's the day you die."
Xander: I'm touched.
Xiang: Then a man comes along, tells me a story about a drought in California. About skateboards and swimming pools. About a man named Xander Cage.
Adele: [on ear-piece] Oh, shit. He's Triple-X.
Xander: I heard he was dead.
Serena: Is he?
Xiang: We are all Triple-X. We just have different agendas. She wants to destroy it. I'm gonna use it. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna let you take it back to the NSA.

Toby: [showing Xander the darts to the revolver] Datura knockout darts. POW! Guy goes down for 12 hours, wakes up, doesn't know who the hell he is, and his head's splitting like a cord of firewood.
[starts laughing]
Xander: I was shot twice with those.