100 Best Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 Quotes

- What?
- You look like Mary Poppins.
- Is he cool?
- Hell, yeah, he's cool.
- I'm Mary Poppins, y'all!

- I see it.
- Eternity!
- Oh, my God.
- We need to get off this planet.

- I am sending you the coordinates for Yondu's ship.
- Release the quadrant!
- Aye, Captain!
- I only ask one thing.
- That your High Priestess... tell him the name of the man what sealed his fate.
- Taserface!

- After all these years, I've found you.
- And who the hell are you?
- I figured my rugged good looks would make that obvious.
- My name is Ego... and I'm your dad, Peter.

- There's a center to him.
- His brain, his soul, whatever it is...
- Some sort of protective shell.
- It's in the caverns... below the surface.
- Yondu?

Peter: You shouldn't have killed my mom and squished my Walkman.

- It is.
- And so are you.
- On the inside.
- Now there's a way
- And I know that I have to go away
- I know I have to go

- That doesn't make any sense!
- I tried telling him that!
- Skin is the same level of thickness from the inside as from the outside!
- I realize that.
- There is a cut on its neck.
- Rocket, get it to look up.
- Hey, you giant Sea-Monkey! Up here!

Peter: This is weird. We've got a Sovereign fleet approaching from the rear.
Gamora: Why would they do that?
Drax: Probably because Rocket stole some of their batteries.
Rocket: Dude!
Drax: [awkwardly] Right... He didn't steal some of those. I don't know why they're after us. What a mystery this is.

- It's not ripe.
- Come on, Zylak. You can do this.
- Yes!
- 15 clicks to the jump!
- Come on!
- Keep going!

- That's exactly my point!
- I have to do everything!
- You are wasting a lot of time here!
- Whee!
- We're all gonna die.
- Rear thrusters are out again!
- We're done for without that generator!

- I told you...
- I don't want to do this alone.
- You cannot deny... the purpose the universe has bestowed upon you.
- Everyone,
- I need you to stay back!
- What is that?

- Ain't so tough now without all your toys... are you?
- Move!

- Welcome, everyone, to my world.
- Wow.
- You have your own planet?
- Come on.
- No larger than your Earth's Moon.
- Humility.
- I like it.
- I, too, am extraordinarily humble.

- I'm not a fool, Nebula.
- You are a fool if you deprive yourself a hand in combat.
- You'll attack me the moment I let you go.
- No, I won't.
- You'd think an evil supervillain would learn how to properly lie.
- I bet it's the one-inch man.

Peter: You said you loved my mother.
Ego: And that I did. My river lily who knew all the words to every song that came over the radio. I returned to Earth to see her three times. And I knew if I returned a fourth, well, I'd... I'd never leave. The Expansion... the reason for my very existence would be over. So, I did what I had to do. But... it broke my heart to put that tumor in her head.
Peter: What?
Ego: Now, now, all right, I know that sounds bad...
[Peter continuously shoots Ego with his Quad Blasters]
Ego: [reforming] Who... in the *hell*... do you think you are?
Peter: *You killed my mother*!
Ego: I tried *so hard* to find the form...
The: [changes form to David Hasselhoff] ... that best *suited you*... and this is the thanks I get?
Ego: [changes back] You really need to *grow up*.
[Ego pierces Quill with a beam of energy]
Ego: I wanted to do this together... but I suppose you'll have to learn by spending the next thousand years as a *battery*!

- Yes!
- Yes, now shape it.
- Feel that energy.
- Yes.
- You're home.
- Peter...

- Oh, shit.
- I'm using my wrong eye again, aren't I?
- I'm sorry. That was meant to be behind your back.
- Count yourself blessed they didn't kill you.
- You're telling me.
- You wanna buy some batteries?

- Yondu!
- No!
- No!
- Oh! Aww...
- No! No!
- Oh, no!

- He was skinny.
- Could fit into places we couldn't.
- Good for thievin'.
- Uh-huh.
- I got an idea on how to get outta here.
- But we're gonna need your little friend.
- Mascot, mascot, mascot...

Peter: Well, you may not be mortal, but me...
Ego: No, Peter... death will remain a stranger to both of us, as long as the light burns within the planet.
Peter: I'm immortal?
Ego: Mmm-hmm.
Peter: Really?
Ego: Yes! As long as the light exists.
Peter: And, I could use the light to build cool things like, how you made this whole planet?
Ego: Well, it might take you a few million years of practice before you get really good at it. But, yes!
Peter: What! This is... Well, get ready for a 800-foot statue of Pac-Man with Skeletor and Heather Locklear...
Ego: You can do anything you want.
Peter: I'm gonna make some weird shit.

Gamora: What if this man *is* your Hasselhoff?

Drax: This gross bug lady is my new friend.

- No! Spit it out!
- Come on!
- Disgusting!

- Oh, man.
- Anyway, before I was so rudely interrupted...
- At that time,
- I was a Federal Express man.

Drax: The beast's hide is too thick to be pierced from the outside. I must cut through it from the inside.
Gamora: Huh?... No, no! Drax, wait a minute! *Drax*!
[Drax charges at the monster, and leaps down its throat]
Peter: [horrified] What is he doing?
Gamora: He said the skin is too thick to be pierced on the outside. So he...
Peter: But, that doesn't make any sense!
Gamora: I tried telling him that!
Peter: Skin is the same level of thickness from the inside as from the outside!
Gamora: I *realize* that.

- You will never love me again
- I can still hear you saying
- You would never break the chain
- Groot? If you can hear me, hurry up!
- I'm not sure how long Quill can keep him distracted!
- Groot, hurry!

- Not if you do it like that.
- Oh...
- I was raised alone on Ego's planet.
- I do not understand the intricacies of social interaction.
- Can I pet your puppy?
- It is adorable.
- Yes.

Peter: I told Gamora how when I was a kid I used to pretend David Hasselhoff was my dad. He's a singer and actor from Earth, really famous guy. Earlier, it struck me... Yondu didn't have a talking car, but he did have a flying arrow. He didn't have the beautiful voice of an angel, but he did have the whistle of one. Both Yondu and David Hasselhoff went on kick-ass adventures and hooked up with hot women, and fought robots... I guess David Hasselhoff did kind of end up being my dad after all. Only it was you, Yondu.
[tearing up]
Peter: I had a pretty cool dad. What I'm trying to say here is... sometimes that *thing* you're searching for your whole life... is right there by your side all along. And you don't even know it.

- who doesn't trust anybody!
- It's a show that doesn't exist.
- That's why it would get zero ratings!
- I don't know what Cheers is!
- I finally found my family.
- Don't you understand that?
- I thought you already had.

- No.
- My life, my love
- My lady is the sea
- Peter... this is the sea.
- Oh...

[from Trailer]
Mantis: When I touch someone I can feel their feelings.
[touches Quill's hand]
Mantis: You feel... love!
Peter: Yeah, I guess - Yeah, I feel a general unselfish love for everyone.
Mantis: No. *Sexual* love...
Peter: No. No, I don't.
Mantis: [points at Gamora] ... for her!
Peter: No!
[Drax begins laughing hysterically]
Drax: She just told everyone you deepest, darkest secret!
[Drax continues laughing]
Peter: Dude! Come on! I think you're reacting a little bit!
Drax: You must be so embarrassed!
[continues cracking up]
Drax: Do me! Do me! Do me!

- and could destroy the entire fleet.
- Our concern is their slight against our people.
- We hired them and they steal from us.
- It is heresy of the highest order.
- All command modules... fire with the intent to kill.

Drax: Ow! My nipples!

- I'm gonna make some weird shit.
- But you know, Peter, it is a tremendous responsibility.
- Only we can remake the universe.
- Only we can take the bridle of the cosmos... and lead it to where it needs to go.
- How?

- You read minds?
- No.
- Telepaths know thoughts.
- Empaths feel feelings.
- Emotions.
- May I?
- All right.

- Ah.
- He's got it!
- Yondu's got the fin!
- Go!

Yondu: He may have been your father, boy, but he wasn't your daddy.

- You know what's boring?
- Sitting there, playing that mind-numbing game.
- What's boring is me tripping over your vines every day!
- I'm not boring!
- I am Groot.
- And now I know how Yondu felt.

- But I think he'd be proud knowing that we are back as a team.
- I'm in.
- Dope.
- I miss you guys so much!
- Hell, yes.
- What say we steal some shit?

- Well, then I'm certainly grateful to be ugly.
- Those pools, they remind me of a time... when I took my daughter to the forgotten lakes of my homeworld.
- She was like you.
- Disgusting?
- Innocent.

- repulsive.
- I'm not into that kind of casual...
- Oh, please.
- Your people promised something in exchange for our services.
- Bring it... and we shall gladly be on our way.

- Quill, to make it through that... you'd have to be the greatest pilot in the universe.
- Lucky for us, I...
- I am.

Yondu: You can go to hell, then! I don't give a damn what you think of me!
Stakar: So what are you following us for?
Yondu: Because you're gonna listen to what I gotta say!
Stakar: I don't gotta listen to nothing! You betrayed the code! Ravagers don't deal in kids.
Yondu: I told you before! I didn't know what was going on!
Stakar: You didn't know because you didn't want to know because it made you rich.

- That was being funny!
- Not to me!
- You people have issues.
- Of course I have issues.
- That's my freakin' father!
- Thrusters are back up.

- Pilots... release envoy units.
- Our sensors detect the batteries are below the surface of the planet.
- Dive!

- Only it was you, Yondu.
- I had a pretty cool dad.
- What I'm trying to say here is... sometimes that thing you're searching for your whole life... it's right there by your side all along.
- You don't even know it.

Gamora: [in gunfight] Groot, get out of the way! You're gonna get hurt!
[Groot waves at her]
Gamora: [Smiling] Hi.
[keeps firing]

- No, I understand that.
- You're being very serious right now.
- I can clearly see you winking.
- Damn it. I'm using my left eye?
- I am Groot.
- They were not looking at you funny.
- Well, that's intense.

Rocket: So, we're saving the galaxy, again?
Peter: I guess.
Rocket: Awesome! We're really gonna be able to jack up our prices if we're two-time galaxy savers.

- Well, hello, boys.
- It's not ripe.

- He didn't chase them away.
- No.
- Even though he yelled at them.
- And was always mean.
- And he stole batteries he didn't need.
- Well, of course not.

- Uh...
- A spacesuit and an aero-rig.
- I only have one of each.

Rocket: You people have issues.
Peter: Well, of course I have issues. That's my freakin' father!

- I'm trying to make it right.
- There are little girls like you... across the universe who are in danger.
- You can stay with us and help them.
- I will help them by killing Thanos.
- I don't know if that's possible.

- Yondu!
- Come on down!

- Get to the ship!
- Not without Quill!
- You need to take care of the twig!
- Not without you!
- I ain't done nothin' right my whole damn life, rat.
- You need to give me this.

- You own a planet and can destroy two dozen spaceships without a suit.
- What are you exactly?
- I'm what's called a Celestial, sweetheart.
- A Celestial, like a god?
- Mmm, small "g," son.
- At least on the days
- I'm feeling humble as Drax.

- All across the universe.
- Well, I don't know what you're talking about... but I like the way you say it.
- My heart is yours...
- Meredith Quill.
- I can't believe I fell in love with a spaceman.

- Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy
- They came.
- What is it?
- I sent word to
- Yondu's old Ravager buddies, and told them what he did.
- It's a Ravager funeral.

- Hey!
- No!
- No! No! No!
- We're gonna blow!
- Peter! No!

- Why would they do that?
- Probably because Rocket stole some of their batteries.
- Dude!
- Right.
- He didn't steal some of those.
- I don't know why they're after us.
- What a mystery this is.

- That, my child... is the next step in our evolution.
- More powerful, more beautiful... more capable of destroying the Guardians of the Galaxy.
- I think I shall call him...
- Adam.

Drax: How did you get to this weird dumb planet?
Mantis: Ego found me in my larva state. Orphaned on my home world. He raised me by hand, and kept me as his own.
Drax: So you're a pet.
Mantis: I suppose.
Drax: People usually want cute pets. Why would Ego want such a hideous one?
Mantis: I am hideous?
Drax: You are horrifying to look at. Yes.
[Mantis lowers her eyes, offended by Drax' words]
Drax: Bu-but that's a good thing.
Mantis: Oh?
Drax: When you're ugly, and someone loves you, you know they love you for who you are... beautiful people never know who to trust.
Mantis: [cheerfully] Well, then I'm certainly grateful to be ugly!

- This is mutiny!
- This is mutiny!
- You're scum!
- Oh!

Mantis: If I touch someone, I can feel their feelings.
Peter: You read minds?
Mantis: No. Telepaths know thoughts. Empaths feel feelings. Emotions.
Mantis: [to Peter] May I?
Peter: All right.
Mantis: [Mantis touches Peter's hand] You feel... love.
Peter: Yeah. I guess, yeah, I feel a general, unselfish love for just about everybody...
Mantis: No! Romantic, sexual love.
Peter: No. No, I don't.
Mantis: [points to Gamora] For her!
Peter: No, no. No, I don't.
Mantis: [points to Gamora] For her.
Peter: No! That is not...
[Drax starts laughing hysterically]
Peter: Okay... That's...
Drax: [still laughing] She just told everyone your deepest, darkest secret!
Peter: Dude, come on, I think you're overreacting a little bit.
Drax: [still laughing] You must be so embarrassed!
Drax: [to Mantis] Do me! Do me! Do me!
[Mantis touches Drax and she starts laughing hysterically]
Mantis: I've never felt such humor!
Peter: So unbelievably uncool.
Drax: Oh, Quill...
[Mantis walks over to Gamora to touch her]
Gamora: Touch me, and the *only* thing you're gonna feel is a broken jaw.

- Yes! I have single-handedly... vanquished the beast!
- What?

Yondu: I don't use my head to fly the arrow, boy! I use my heart.

[showing Groot how to arm the bomb]
Rocket: All right, first you flick this switch, then this switch. That activates it. Then you push this button, which will give you five minutes to get out of there. Now, whatever you do, don't push *this* button, because that will set off the bomb immediately and we'll all be dead. Now, repeat back what I just said.
Groot: I am Groot.
Rocket: Uh-huh.
Groot: I am Groot.
Rocket: That's right.
Groot: [pointing to the death button] I am Groot.
Rocket: No! No, that's the button that will kill everyone! Try again.
Groot: Hmm. I am Groot.
Rocket: Mmm-hmm.
Groot: I am Groot?
Rocket: Uh-huh.
Groot: [pointing to the death button] I am Groot.
Rocket: No! That's exactly what you just said! How is that even possible? Which button is the button you're supposed to push? Point to it.
[Groot points to the death button]
Rocket: *No*!

- Down there!
- Oh!

Nebula: [to Gamora] All any of you do is yell at each other. You're not friends.
Drax: You're right... We're family.

Kraglin: [to Yondu] I didn't mean to do a mutiny... They killed all my friends.

Sovereign: [from third mid-credit scene] High Priestess, the Council is waiting.
Ayesha: They are perturbed I've wasted our resources. When they see what I have created here... their wrath will dissipate.
Sovereign: Is this a new type of birthing pod, ma'am?
Ayesha: That, my child, is the next step in our evolution. More powerful, more beautiful, more capable of *destroying* the Guardians of the Galaxy. I think I shall call him... Adam.

Baby: I am Groot.
Yondu: What's that?
Rocket: He says, "Welcome to the frickin' Guardians of the Galaxy." Only he didn't use "frickin'."

[Yondu is floating in the air, hanging on his arrow]
Peter: You look like Mary Poppins.
Yondu: Is he cool?
Peter: Hell yeah, he's cool.
Yondu: I'm Mary Poppins, y'all!

Ego: I created what I imagined biological life to be like... down to the most minute detail.
Drax: Did you make a penis?
Peter: Dude!
Gamora: What is wrong with you?
Drax: If he's a planet, how could he make a baby with your mother? He would smush her!
Peter: I don't need to hear how my parents...
Drax: Why? My father would tell the story of impregnating my mother every winter solstice.
Peter: That's disgusting.
Drax: It was beautiful. You earthers have hang-ups.
Ego: Yes, Drax, I got a penis.
Drax: Ha! Thank you!
Ego: It's not half bad.

- Yeah!
- Soon, Peter, we will be all there is.
- So stop pissing me off!
- We have to get up to the extraction point!
- Go!

- On anyone, not just himself.
- I am Groot.
- One minute you think someone has a weird-shaped head... the next minute it's just because you realize part of that head is the hat.
- That's why you don't like hats?
- This is an important conversation right now?

Kraglin: What are you gonna do with your share?
Nebula: As a child, my father would have Gamora and me battle one another in training. Every time my sister prevailed... my father would replace a piece of me with machinery, claiming he wanted me to be her equal. But she won... again and again, and again, never once refraining. So after I murder my sister, I will buy a warship with every conceivable instrument of death. I will hunt my father like a dog, and I will tear him apart slowly... piece by piece, until he knows some semblance of the profound and unceasing pain I knew every single day.
Kraglin: Yeah... I was talking about, like, a pretty necklace. Or a nice hat. You know. Something to make the other girls go "Ooh, that's nice."

- He's coming.
- Didn't you say you could make him sleep?
- When he wants. He's too powerful.
- I can't!
- You don't have to believe in yourself... because I believe in you.

Drax: [Looking at Batteries] What are they called again?
Peter: Anulax batteries.
Drax: Harbulary batteries.
Peter: That's nothing like what I just said.

- One click!
- What is that?
- Who cares?
- That's the jump point! Go!
- It's a guy.
- Oh, my God.
- He's still out there?

- Groot, put your seatbelt on!
- Prepare for a really bad landing!

- throughout his entire nervous system.
- Meaning what?
- The entire planet will explode.
- We'll have to get out of here fast.
- I rigged a timer.
- Go!

Ego: Listen to me! You are a god. If you kill me, you'll be just like everybody else!
Peter: What's so wrong with that?
Ego: *No*!

- Kraglin, we need the quadrant for an extraction.
- T-minus five minutes.
- Aye, Captain.
- Somebody's gotta be up top when Kraglin arrives.
- Drax, take Mantis.
- Ow! My nipples!

- Stop. Listen to me!
- You are a god.
- If you kill me... you'll be just like everybody else.
- What's so wrong with that?
- No!

- who wasn't afraid to do what needed to be done.
- Seems he's goin' soft.
- If he's so soft, why are you whispering?
- You know I'm right, Kraglin.
- You best be very careful what you say about our captain.
- Who the hell is that?

- What's the nearest habitable planet?
- It's called Berhert.
- How many jumps?
- Only one.
- But the access point is 47 clicks away.
- And you have to go through that quantum asteroid field.

Peter: You put your turd in my bed, I shave you.
Rocket: Oh, it won't be my turd. It'll be Drax's.
Drax: [laughs] I have famously huge turds.

- What?
- It's just... some unspoken thing.

Drax: [to Quill] There are two types of beings in the universe, those who dance, and those who do not.

- Groot!
- Groot, get out of the way!
- You're gonna get hurt!
- Hi.

Rocket: Does anybody have any tape out there? I wanna put some tape over the death button.
Peter: I don't have any tape. Let me check. Yo, Yondu, do you have any. Ow! Do you have any tape?... Gamora? Do you have any tape? Tape! Ah, never mind. Ow! Drax, do you have any tape? Yes, Scotch tape would work... Then why did you ask me if Scotch tape would work, if you don't have any? Nobody has any tape!
Rocket: Not a single person has tape?
Peter: Nope!
Rocket: Did you ask Nebula?
Peter: Yes!
Rocket: Are you sure?
Peter: I asked Yondu and she was sitting right next to him.
Rocket: I knew you were lying!
Peter: You have priceless batteries and an atomic bomb in your bag. If anybody's gonna have tape, it's *you*!
[Baby Groot grabs the device and runs off with it while Rocket's back is turned]
Rocket: That's exactly my point! I have to do everything!
Peter: You are wasting a lot of time here!
[Rocket turns around and see that both the bomb and Groot are gone]
Rocket: [to himself] We're all gonna die.

- Hey, you wanna help us get outta here?
- There's something I need you to get, and bring back to me.
- In the captain's quarters, there's a prototype fin... the thing I wore on my head.
- There's a drawer next to the bunk.
- It's in that. It's red.
- You got it?

- It was just a random thought, man.
- I thought we were friends.
- Of course, I care about the planets, and the buildings... and all the animals on the planets.
- And the people.
- Meh.
- The crabby puppy is so cute.
- He makes me wanna die!

Peter: What is it?
Kraglin: It's called a Zune. It's what everybody's listening to on Earth nowadays.

- You know what they say...
- "You're out of luck until you've gone duck."

Groot: [Repeated line] I am Groot.

- You maniac.
- The whole ship's gonna blow.
- Not the whole ship.