The Best Ziggy Quotes

Sam: Ziggy?
Ziggy: That was a quickie, Dr. Beckett.
Sam: What you got on Al?
Ziggy: He's 175.26 centimeters tall, weighs 70.91...
Sam: Ziggy!
Ziggy: Yes, Doctor?
Sam: Give me what I want, baby.
Ziggy: Ooh, if you weren't my father.

Sam: Ziggy?
Ziggy: Yeeeeessssss?
Sam: Do you have enough...
Ziggy: Data to give you a reasonably accurate projection as to why Admiral Calavicci has leapt into Crown Point, Indiana, in the year 1945?
Sam: Yes.
Ziggy: No.
Sam: Do you have any data on Admiral Calavicci?
Ziggy: He'll kiss the girls and make them cry.
Tina: [sighing] Oh, ain't that the truth.

Sam: Ziggy?
Ziggy: Yes, Dr. Beckett?
Sam: You've made brilliant theoretical hypotheses with minimal data over the last four years.
Ziggy: That's true.
Sam: I'd like you to do one now.
Ziggy: I don't think so, Doctor.
Dr. Donna Eleese: Why not?
Ziggy: I'm dealing with too many data-limiting factors: the Admiral, this Captain Tom Jarret he's leapt into, a year no one had the foresight to preload into my memory banks. Actually, I was doing quite well absorbing the year until Franklin Delano Roosevelt died. It depressed me. Try me in 11.6 hours.
Sam: What if the Admiral doesn't have 11.6 hours?
Ziggy: I believe your brain is still slightly magnafluxed, Dr. Beckett, or you'd remember I never experience guilt. That's a flaw found only in human computers. Good night, Doctor. Have fun, you two.
Sam: Ziggy!
Dr. Donna Eleese: It won't do any good.
Sam: Why did I give him Barbara Streisand's ego?

Ziggy: Why do human beings die for love?
Sam: Check Shakespeare.
Ziggy: Thank you, Doctor.
Sam: Not now!
Ziggy: Why not? With a million-gigabyte capacity, I'm quite capable of rubbing my tummy, patting my head and doing a trillion floating point operations at once.
Sam: Because I don't have time to get into a philosophical discussion.
Ziggy: I've finished reading Shakespeare. I see your point.

[Al has been knocked unconscious by Clifford]
Sam: Come on, Al, you gotta wake up!
Ziggy: I just explained, Doctor. Admiral Calavicci cannot regain consciousness for another 8.7...
Sam: Damn it, Ziggy, tell me somethin' I don't know!
Ziggy: Tina's having an affair with Gushie.
Sam: A way to save Al and Suzanne!
Ziggy: Stop Clifford from pushing the car over the cliff.
Sam: How? He's in 1945, I'm in 1999.
Ziggy: I didn't say it was easy.

Ziggy: Good evening, Admiral. Before we begin the profile scan, I'd like to take this opportunity to express my admiration for your selfless attempt to rescue Dr. Beckett. It is a fitting testimony to the bonding which humans tend to display toward others of their species. Unfortunately, I project a less than 34% chance of success.
Al: Well, thanks for the vote of confidence.