The Best Alejandro Quotes

[Cody and Alejandro are standing next to each other just outside the bathroom, with Cody desperately needing to use the bathroom]
Cody: Ooh. Listening to the falls all day, really makes you have to go.
Alejandro: Hmm.
Sierra: [Sierra walks out of the bathroom still wearing her wedding dress from the challenge] Oh, sorry. Do you desperately have to go?
Cody: Uh, yeah, I do.
Sierra: You do? Y-you really, really do?
[Sierra gasps, kisses Cody, and hugs him uncomfortably]
Sierra: It's official! That kiss just consummated our marriage! No chance of annulment now. And I don't believe in divorce? So, it's looking like "death do us part"!
Cody: Whoa, whoa, whoa! That wasn't a real wedding. Was it?
Alejandro: May I offer my congratulations to the new couple. As the only witness, I must make it offical.
Sierra: Oh my gosh! I almost forgot about the witness part.
Alejandro: [Alejandro laughs] Yes, you did. But I will help you. And there's just one small thing I need from you, as it were.

Alejandro: Excuse me, gentlemen. I have to be anywhere but here.

[Heather was about to jump in the water]
Alejandro: You have beautiful form.
Heather: What!
[Heather lost her balance and fell in the water with a splash]
Alejandro: Nothing personal.
[Heather sinks in the water]

Alejandro: [to Duncan] I know you have a fondness for that... rotund individual
[referring to Owen]
Alejandro: but such popularity makes him a threat.
Duncan: Yeah, alright and?
Alejandro: Help me vote him off tonight and I'll let you pick who goes next. If it's Courtney, so be it.
Duncan: Deal.
Duncan: [in the confessional] So, I let him think I was going along with it. Nobody tells me what to do.