50 Best Brendan Gleeson Quotes

Pádraic: What's your tune called?
Colm: The Banshees of Inisherin, I think.
Pádraic: But, there are no banshees on Inisherin.
Colm: I know, I just like the double S-H sounds.

Beowulf: How many monsters must I slay? Grendel's mother, father, Grende's uncle? Must I hack down a whole family tree of demons?
King: She is the last of them. Whith her gone, demonkind will slip back into the darkness from whence it came.
Wiglaf: And where it belongs.
Beowulf: And the mother's mate? Where is Grendel's father?
King: Grendel's father can do no harm to man.

- However we travel,
- I must arrive at my destination within 20 hours of departure.
McCloy: How was I to know he needed treatment with bellerophon within 20 hours?

Beowulf: They say you have a monster here. They say your lands are cursed.
Soldier: Is that what they say?
Wiglaf: Bards sing of Hrothgar's shame from the frozen north to the shores of Vinland.
Soldier: There's no shame to be accursed by demons.
Beowulf: I am Beowulf and I'm here to kill your monster.

August: We can move toward hope; that's what's beautiful about this place.

Ray: Bruges is a shithole.
Ken: Bruges *is* not a shithole.
Ray: Bruges *is* a shithole.
Ken: Ray, we only just got off the fucking train! Could we reserve judgement on Bruges until we've seen the fucking place?

Ken: Your girlfriend's very pretty.
Jimmy: She's ain't my girlfriend. She's a prostitute I just picked up.
Ken: I was not aware that there were any prostitutes in Bruges.
Jimmy: You just have to look in the right places... brothels are good.
Ken: Well, you've picked up a very pretty prostitute.
Jimmy: Thank you.

Matt: You're a dead man.
David: Yeah, a long time ago.

Ken: What the fuck are you doing, Ray?
Ray: What the fuck are 'you' doing?
[Ken sticks pistol behind his back]
Ken: Nothing.
Ray: Oh, my God... you were gonna kill me.
Ken: No, I wa - You were gonna kill yourself!
Ray: Well... I'm allowed.
Ken: No, you're not!
Ray: What? I'm not allowed, and you are? How's that fair?

Colm: I do worry sometimes I might just be entertaining myself while staving off the inevitable.

Ken: Harry, let's face it. And I'm not being funny. I mean no disrespect, but you're a cunt. You're a cunt now, and you've always been a cunt. And the only thing that's going to change is that you're going to be an even bigger cunt. Maybe have some more cunt kids.
Harry: [furious] Leave my kids fucking out of it! What have they done? You fucking retract that bit about my cunt fucking kids!
Ken: I retract that bit about your cunt fucking kids.
Harry: Insult my fucking kids? That's going overboard, mate!
Ken: I retracted it, didn't I?

Beowulf: And you mighty Wiglaf, are you still with me?
Wiglaf: To the end.

Siobhan: Has he said somethin' to ya when he was drunk?
Colm: No, I prefer him when he's drunk. It's all the rest of the time I have the problem with.
Siobhan: What's the fecking matter, then?
Colm: He's dull, Siobhan.
Siobhan: He's what?
Colm: He's dull.
Siobhan: But he's always been dull. What's changed?
Colm: I've changed. I just don't have a place for dullness in me life anymore.
Siobhan: But you live on an island off the coast of Ireland, Colm. What the hell are you hoping for, like?
Colm: For a bit of peace, Siobhan. That's all. For a bit of peace in me heart, like. You can understand that. Can't ya? Can't ya?

[last lines]
Old: You know, I heard a man from Pennsylvania drilled a hole in the ground recently and found oil. That can't be true.
Herman Melville: I heard it, too.
Old: Oil from the ground! Fancy that.

Wiglaf: [stabbing at Grendels crotch] I swear, the bastard has no pintel!

Ken: This morning, and this afternoon, we are doing what I want to do. Got it?
Ray: Of course. Which, I presume, will involve culture.
Ken: We shall strike a balance between culture and fun.
Ray: Somehow I believe, Ken, that the balance shall tip in the favor of culture, like a big fat fucking retarded fucking black girl on a see-saw opposite... a dwarf.

Wiglaf: Heave! Heave! Heave! Heave! Beowulf. Hold fast.
Beowulf: No.
Soldier: Who are you? From your dress, you are warriors. Speak! Why should I not run you though right now?
Beowulf: We are Geats. I am Beowulf, son of Edgethow. We come seeking your Prince Hrothgar in friendship.

Pádraic: Do you know what you used to be?
Colm: No, what did I used to be?
Pádraic: Nice! You used to be nice! And now, do you know what you are? Not nice.
Colm: Ah, well, I suppose niceness doesn't last then, does it?

Ken: And at the same time, at the same time as trying to lead a good life, I have to reconcile that with the fact that with the fact that, yes, I have killed people. Not many people. And most of them were not very nice people. Apart from one person.
Ray: Who was that?
Ken: This bloke Danny Aliband's brother. He was just trying to protect his brother. Like you or I would. He was just a lollipop man. But he came at me with a bottle. What are you gonna do? I shot him down.
Ray: Hmm. In my book, though, someone comes at you with a bottle, I'm sorry, that is a deadly weapon, he's gotta take the consequences.
Ken: I know that in my heart, but I also know he was trying to protect his brother, you know?
Ray: I know, but a bottle, that can kill ya. That's a case of "It's you or him". If he'd come at you with his bare hands, that'd be different. That wouldn't have been fair.
Ken: But technically, someone's bare hands, they can kill you too. They can be deadly weapons too. What if he knew Karate, say?
Ray: You said he was a lollipop man.
Ken: He WAS a lollipopman.
Ray: What a lollipop man doing, knowing fucking Karate?
Ken: I'm just saying...
Ray: How old was he?
Ken: About fifty.
Ray: What's a fifty year old lollipop man doing, knowing fucking Karate? What was he, a Chinese lollipop man?
Ken: Course not.
Ray: Well then.

[Voice Over]
Mrs. Clack: My sister did not live passed her 23rd birthday. A group of men raped and killed her. They stuffed her in a dumpster three blocks from our apartment.
August: My brother worked in an emergency room downtown. A drug addict came in with a wound to his ribs. My brother tried to dress the wound. He pulled a gun from his jacket and he shot my brother through his left eye.
Alice: My husband, Michael, left for the supermarket at a quarter past 9 in the morning. He was found with no money and no clothes in the East River three days later.
Edward: My father was shot by a business partner who then hanged himself in my father's closet. They had argued over money. I am a professor. I teach American History at the University of Pennsylvania. I have an idea that I would like to talk to you about.

Reynald: [at a hearing in Tiberias' chambers] Who says I raid?
Tiberias: That witness... all of Jerusalem... Holy God... and me.
Reynald: That "witness," if you call him that, is a Saracen. He lies.
Tiberias: There will come a day, Reynald de Chatillon, when you are not protected by your title.
Reynald: Oh? When will that be? Alert me, Tiberias, when men are equal and the Kingdom of Heaven has arrived.
Tiberias: Those Templars have been hung for a raid that I KNOW you commanded!
Reynald: Prove it. I will wait at Kerak until you do.
Tiberias: The king will take your castle of Kerak, Reynald.
Reynald: Try to take it, Tiberias. I'll be there.
[he walks out with a dirty look at the Saracen witness]
Muslim: [in Arabic] You're letting him go? Why are you letting him go?
Tiberias: I cannot protect your caravans unless you agree to be escorted by our soldiers.
Muslim: [in English] I trade to make money, not to offend God by associating with Christians.
Tiberias: [hefting a sack of money] But you will take Christian gold.
Muslim: Gold is gold.
[Tiberias tosses it to him]
Tiberias: Of course.

Siobhan: What do you need from him, Colm? To end all this?
Colm: Silence, Siobhan. Just silence.
Siobhan: One more silent man on Inisherin, good-oh! Silence it is, so.
Colm: This isn't about Inisherin. It's about one boring man leaving another man alone, that's all.
Siobhan: One boring man! You're all fucking boring! With your piddling grievances over nothin'! You're all fucking boring! I'll see he doesn't talk to you no more.
Colm: Do. Else it'll be all four of them the next time, not just the one.
Siobhan: You're not serious. Well, that won't help your fecking music.
Colm: Aye. We're gettin' somewhere now.
Siobhan: I think you might be ill, Colm.

Campbell: I'm dying. Let me be.
Hamish: No. You're going to live.
Campbell: I've lived long enough to live free. Proud to see you become the man you are. I'm a happy man.

Ray: Jesus, Ken, I'm trying to talk about...
Ken: I know what you're trying to talk about.
Ray: I killed a little boy. You keep bringing up the fucking lollipop man.
Ken: You didn't mean to kill a little boy.
Ray: I know I didn't mean to... but because of the choices I made, and the course that I put into action, that little boy isn't here anymore, and he'll never be here again.
[pause]
Ray: I mean here in the world, not here in Belgium. Well he'll never be here in Belgium either, will he? I mean, he might've wanted to come here when he got older. Don't know why. And that's all because of me. He's dead because of me. And I'm trying to... been trying to get me head around it, but I can't. I will have always have killed that little boy. That ain't ever going away. Ever. Unless... maybe I go away.
Ken: Don't even think like that.

Siobhan: He won't be bothering you no more.
Colm: That's a shame. That's the most interesting he's ever been. I think I like him again now.

Harry: [about Ray] So he's having a really nice time?
Ken: Well, I'm having a really nice time. I'm not sure it's really his cup of tea.
Harry: [after a long pause] What?
Ken: You know, I'm not sure it's really his thing.
Harry: What do you mean it's not really his thing? What's that supposed to mean? It's not really his thing. What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
Ken: Nothing, Harry.
Harry: It's a fairytale town, isn't it? How's a fairytale town not somebody's fucking thing?How can all those canals and bridges and cobbled streets and those churches, all that beautiful fucking fairytale stuff, how can that not be somebody's fucking thing, eh?
Ken: What I think I meant to say was...
Harry: [Interrupts] Is the swans still there?
Ken: Yeah, there's swans...
Harry: How can fucking swans not fucking be somebody's fucking thing, eh? How can that be?

Professor: [mocking Hagrid] 'Marvelous creatures, Dragons, aren't they'. Do you think that miserable oaf would've sent you into the woods if I hadn't suggested it? Do you think Cedric Diggory would've told you to open the egg underwater if I hadn't told him first myself? Do you think Neville Longbottom, the witless wonder, could've provided you with Gillyweed if I hadn't given him the book that led him straight to it? HUH?
[points at his head as if to say, "Use your brain"]
Harry: It was you from the beginning! You put my name into the Goblet of Fire! You bewitched Krum!
Professor: [mocking Harry] But... But... But... But...
[normal voice]
Professor: You won because I made it so, Potter! You ended up in that graveyard because it was meant to be so! And now the deed is done! The blood that runs in your veins runs within the Dark Lord! Imagine how he will reward me when he learns that I have once and for all silenced the great Harry Potter!

Hamish: Some men are longer than others.
Campbell: Your mother been telling ya stories about me again, eh?

Wiglaf: Do you want me to go in with you?
[Beowulf and Wiglaf look at each other]
Wiglaf: Good.

Old: [from trailer] We were headed for the edge of sanity... like we were aberrations, phantoms. Trust gave way to doubt. Hope to superstition.

Joseph: [to Callum Lynch] Your blood is not your own.

Wiglaf: [seeing the bodies of Beowulf's thanes in the mead hall] In the name of Odin! Is Grendel not dead? Has he grown his arm anew?

Wiglaf: Hondshew, make me feel you're pretending to listen to me. It's only been five days since you waved your wife goodbye.
Hondshew: Five days? In the name of Odin, no wonder my loins are burning!

Ticket: The tower is closed this evening.
Ken: No way, it's supposed to be open until seven.
Ticket: The tower is usually open until seven, yesterday an American had a heart attack at the tower, today the tower is closed.
Harry: [Harry hands ticket seller 100 Euros] Here cranky, here's a hundred for you. Were only gonna be twenty minutes.
Ticket: [crumples the money and throws it at Harry's head]
[tapping on Harry's forehead]
Ticket: The tower... is closed... this evening! Understand? English man!
[Ken walks up the tower while Harry proceeds to beat the ticket seller]

Walter: [Pins Amsterdam to the wall] That's it, that's it! Tear my head off and destruct the world! Just like the rest of the stupid Irish in this country! That's why I never ran with your dad!
Amsterdam: Get off me you crazy bastard!
Walter: [Leans in and whispers a line of Gaelic. Then, in English] It means, 'If you're not strong you'd better be smart.' Now I don't know if you're being too clever or too dumb, but whichever it is just remember this much. For all his faults, your father was a man who loved his people.
[Releases Amsterdam and walks away]

Overweight: Been to the top of the tower?
Ray: Yeah... yeah, it's rubbish.
Overweight: It is? The guide book says it's a must see.
Ray: Well you lot ain't going up there.
Overweight: Pardon me? Why?
Ray: I mean, it's all winding stairs. I'm not being funny.
Overweight: What exactly are you trying to say?
Ray: What exactly am I trying to say? You's a bunch of fuckin' elephants.
[overweight man attempts to chase Ray around but quickly grows tired]
Ray: Come on, leave it fatty!
[the overweight women calm down the overweight man]
Overweight Woman #2: [to Ray] You know you're just the rudest man. The rudest man!
Ken: [coming back from the tower] What's all that about?
[Ray shrugs]
Ken: They're not going up there.
[to overweight family]
Ken: Hey, guys. I wouldn't go up there. It's really narrow.
Overweight Woman #2: Screw you, motherfucker!
Ken: [to Ray] What was that about?
Ray: [shrugs]

[first lines]
August: Who'll pinch me to wake me up? Who will laugh at me when I fall? Whose breath will I listen for so that I may sleep? Whose hand will I hold so that I may walk?

Colm: I was too harsh yesterday.
Pádraic: Yesterday, he says! I know well you was too harsh yesterday.
Colm: I just... I just have this tremendous sense of time slipping away on me, Padraic. And I think I need to spend the time I have left thinking and composing. Just trying not to listen to any more of the dull things you have to say for yourself. But I am sorry about it. I am, like.
Pádraic: Are you dying?
Colm: No, I'm not dying.
Pádraic: But then you have loads of time.
Colm: For chatting?
Pádraic: Aye.
Colm: For aimless chatting?
Pádraic: Not for aimless chatting. For good, normal chatting.
Colm: So we'll keep aimlessly chatting and my life will keep on dwindling. And in 12 years, I'll die with nothin' to show for it, bar the chats I've had with a limited man, is that it?
Pádraic: I said, "not aimless chatting" I said "Good, normal chatting."
Colm: The other night, two hours, you spent talking to me about the things you found in your little donkey's shite that day. Two hours, Padraic. I timed it.
Pádraic: Well it wasn't me little donkey's shite, was it? It was me pony's shite. Which shows how much you were listenin'.
Colm: None of it helps me. Do you understand? None of it helps me.
Pádraic: [after Colm leaves] We'll just talk about something else, then!

Priest: Do you think God gives a damn about miniature donkeys, Colm?
Colm: I fear he doesn't. And I fear that's where it's all gone wrong.

Sean: How quickly can you manufacture more of the antivirus?
John C. McCloy: No time at all, once I've got it.
Sean: Good. Biocyte's stock is just a few weeks away from going through the roof!
John C. McCloy: What are you talking about?
Sean: An outbreak of Chimera.
John C. McCloy: Where?
Sean: Downtown Sydney... for a start. You create the supply, Mr. McCloy; we've just created the demand! Three million people in Sydney, and seventeen million people in Australia are going to need Bellerophon within the next few days, not to mention the rest of the world. Now, this is how it's going to work. Wallis, the shares outstanding are?
Wallis: 93.4 million.
Sean: Which means, Mr. McCloy, we need to get our hands on 480,000 stock options. We'll borrow your $30 million to buy those options. Your stock has never sold above $31 a share. When your stock goes north of 200, which it will, those shares will be worth billions, and I will own 51% of Biocyte!
John C. McCloy: This is outrageous. I will not let you take control of my company.
Sean: Sit down. You'll be a billionaire. It's better than being broke. I have terrorists and... other pharmaceutical companies standing in line. The ball's in your court, Mr. McCloy.

Herman Melville: Something else you've given me tonight.
Old: And what's that?
Herman Melville: The courage to go where one does not want to go.

Beowulf: This is not battle, Wiglaf. This is slaughter.
Wiglaf: The Frisians want to make themselves heroes, my lord. They want the bards to sing of their deeds.
Beowulf: It's going to be a short song.

Joseph: It's in your hands, Cal.

Priest: It isn't him you have the impure thoughts about, is it?
Colm: Are you joking me? I mean, are you fecking joking me?
Priest: People do have impure thoughts about men, too.
Colm: Do you have impure thoughts about men, Father?
Priest: I do not have impure thoughts about men. And how dare you say that about a man of the cloth?
Colm: Well, you started it.
Priest: Well, you can get out of my confessional right now, so you can. And I'm not forgiving you any of these things until the next time, so I'm not!
Colm: Well, I better not be dying in the meantime then, eh, Father? I'll be pure fecked!
Priest: You will be pure fecked! Yes, you will be pure fecked!

Yuri: There are a lot of alcoves in the Koningin Astridpark. You use this word, alcoves?
Ken: Alcoves, yes. Sometimes.
Yuri: There are not many people around in these alcoves at Christmas time. If I were to murder a man I would murder him here. Are you sure this is the right word, alcoves?
Ken: Alcoves, yes. It's kind of like nooks and crannies.
Yuri: Nooks and crannies, yes! Perhaps this would be more accurate. Nooks and crannies rather than alcoves. Yes. You are going to do it aren't you? Mr. Waters would be very disappointed...
Ken: Of course I'm going to fucking do it. It's what I do.

Ken: Ray, did we or did we not agree that if I let you go on your date tonight, you'd do the things I wanted to do today?
Ray: We are doing the things you wanted to do today.
Ken: And I would do them without you throwing a fucking moody, like a five year old who's dropped all his sweets.
Ray: We didn't agree to that.

Joseph: The blood that flows through you is not your own. It belongs to the Creed.

Ken: Up there, the top altar, is a vial brought back by a Flemish knight from the Crusades in the Holy Land. And that vial, do you know what it's said to contain?
Ray: No, what's it said to contain?
Ken: It's said to contain some drops of Jesus Christ's blood. Yeah, that's how this church got its name. Basilica of the Holy Blood.
Ray: Yeah. Yeah.
Ken: And this blood, right, though it's dried blood, at different times over many years, they say it turned back into liquid. Turned back into liquid from dried blood. At various times of great stress.
Ray: Yeah?
Ken: Yeah. So, yeah, I'm gonna go up in the queue and touch it, which is what you do.
Ray: Yeah?
Ken: Yeah. You coming?
Ray: Do I have to?
Ken: Do you have to? Of course you don't have to. It's Jesus' fucking blood, isn't it? Of course you don't fucking have to! Of *course* you don't fucking have to!

Pádraic: [bursting into Colm's house] How are ya, fatty? Dancing with your dog, is it? Well who else is gonna dance with ya? Your poor dog has no say in the matter. And if you're too rude to be offering me a seat, I'll be taking one of me own accord!
Pádraic: [sits] How's that for an old hello?
Colm: Have you gone fecking mental?
Pádraic: Have I gone fecking mental? No I haven't gone fecking mental. Not only have I not gone fecking mental, but I have got ten fingers to prove I'm not fecking mental. How many fingers have you got to prove you're not fecking mental?
Colm: Nine fingers.
Pádraic: Nine fingers is the epitome of mental.

Old: The tragedy of the Essex is the story of men. And a Demon.