The Best Chief Constable Davis Quotes

Chief: What do you want?
Inspector: Full confession. Including your assault on Mr. Dilbert , *and*... your collusion with the Board of Control.
Chief: I cant give your the Board.
Inspector: Your choice. You can have a job and keep your pension, or you can to five to ten in the company of men you sent to prison. They don't take kindly to that I hear.
Chief: What's the job?
Inspector: It just so happens, there's an opening at City Records.

Chief: Doesn't seem fair, does it? To lose your job, your pension; to be sent to a prison with a bunch of convicts you helped put away. I hear they don't take kindly to that.
Inspector: Come here to rub it in, have you?
Chief: I'm not here to gloat, Tom. I don't want to see you destroyed over a momentary... lapse of judgement.
Inspector: My only lapse of judgement was underestimating you.
Chief: Yes. But you did. And here we are. Me standing here, and you sitting there.
Inspector: What is it you want, Davis?
Chief: I've come with an offer.
Inspector: An offer?
Chief: A position has opened up at City Records. It's not police work and won't pay much, but... you'll keep your pension and stay out of jail.

Chief: [as they start fingerprinting] All right, men, let's get good, clean marks. Record names, addresses, age and occupation on every card while you're at it.
Inspector: Everything's under control, sir.
Chief: Save these cards, Tom; they'll come in handy. If not for this case, then the next.
Isaac: All we did today was come to church. Now we're suspects in crimes that haven't even happened yet.

[last lines]
Dilbert: Every piece of paper in every file folder is to be punched and placed in a two-hole binder in concordance with the index.
Chief: And how many file folders are there?
Dilbert: Well, you can see for yourself.
[he slides a door aside revealing a very long aisle of shelves filled with folders]
Chief: Bloody hell!
Dilbert: That'll be ten cents.
Chief: How much!
Dilbert: [somewhat cowed] Per expletive.