700 Best Murdoch Mysteries Quotes

Inspector: Fancy a drink?
Constable: I wouldn't say no.
Constable: [Brackenreid pours a healthy glass and is surprised when Jackson downs it all] Thank you, sir. That's a fine drop of scotch, Inspector.
Inspector: It goes down easy.
Constable: Like a whore's drawers.
Inspector: [chuckling] We watch the salty language here at Station Four, slugger.

Detective: [after seeing some of Crabtree's fans mobbing him] George, are you quite all right? You look rather persecuted.
Constable: Price of fame, sir.

Chief: You're not a policeman any more, so stop behaving like one.
Constable: That man who was killed: he's somehow connected to a woman by the name of Edna Brooks.
Chief: Yes, I know who she is.
Constable: You do?
Chief: She's the reason you're in here, is she not? She killed her husband and you took responsibility for it.
Constable: What makes you think *I* didn't kill him?
Chief: If you'd been guilty you would have pled guilty. If you were both innocent, you would have pled not guilty. Instead you pled nolo contendere, no contest; the only plea that would close the case without forcing you to confess to a crime you didn't commit. You're either the most noble man I've ever met, or the stupidest. I can't quite decide which. Good luck to you.

Inspector: Golf is a cruel mistress, Murdoch. It holds a man under its spell. I could believe that he hit the ball into the woods on purpose, then killed himself just to get away from the game.
Detective: Golf seems little more than a distraction, sir. I can hardly believe that it would drive a man to suicide.
[Brackenreid picks up a club]
Inspector: Seems like fun at first. Just one good round. Even one good shot. And you're hooked. You become a slave to it. For hours and hours, day after day, you hit the ball towards the hole. You hit the ball towards the hole. On and on. Gets into your head. It consumes you. All you can think about's hitting the damn ball into the damn hole!
[hands Murdoch the club]
Inspector: Golf is a curse, Murdoch. Don't you forget it.

Detective: The detective was wrong.
Dr. Julia Ogden: About what?
Detective: You're not pretty.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Excuse me?
Detective: OK. Classic Romanesque bone structure, excellent physionomic symmetry. You're not pretty; you're beautiful.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Well, I suppose I'm flattered.
Detective: Why? It's merely an objective assessment.

Inspector: Bloody hell, Crabtree. We got werewolves, voodoo, vampires, and now mummies. It's all bollocks!

[first lines]
David: I said stand back, sir.
Herbert: Well, who the devil do you think you... You have no right to touch the...
[to Murdoch]
Herbert: You are?
Detective: Detective Murdoch, Toronto Constabulary.
[Greaves sighs in relief]
Detective: You telephoned?
Herbert: Thank God you're here. Herbert Greaves; I-I, I manage this place. I tried my damnest to stop this man from touching the body, but he insists on...
David: We meet again, detective.
Herbert: You know this... person?
Detective: Our path have crossed. Good day, Mr. Holmes.
Herbert: Oh, my commiserations, sir. He's a rude, interfering, altogether...
David: The hotel guest you see before you is Mr. Wallace Burns, now very much deceased.

Inspector: [Not wanting to wear the garish cowboy hat that Murdoch has won at the lassoing booth] I'd need about four large scotches inside me before that came anywhere near my head, me old mucker.

Inspector: [to his nephew, Charlie Brackenreid] Your friend Harry would have been a good and honest man. Walk in his footsteps. Don't live in his shadow.

Detective: Eyeing the new talent?
Ozzie: Well, what else am I to do?
Detective: Yes, I suppose mourning would be out of the question.

Inspector: What have you got to say for yourself, Eddie?
Eddie: My shop's in Station 5's jurisdiction, Tom.
Inspector: It's Inspector Brackenreid to you. Oh, and by the way, any Toronto constable can arrest ant thieving bugger anywhere in the City of Toronto.

Inspector: That's the thing about Canadian law enforcement, Mr. Masterson. Patience, diligence and the reliance on intellect trump the quick draw of a gun every time.

Luca: [introducing himself] Signore Luca Carducci - at your service.
Inspector: Inspector Thomas Brackenreid.
Luca: [Antonio extends his hand to shakes Brackenreid does not respond] The pleasure is mine.
Inspector: Absolutely.

Inspector: Sir, we are obliged to look at any reports of criminal activity.
Inspector: More than five minutes on this, Murdoch, and YOU'LL be a telephone operator.

Constable: Dr. Ogden, is there anything else I can get for you in the meantime?
Dr. Julia Ogden: Pillow?
Constable: Now, Doctor, you're being highly unreasonable.
[Julia chuckles]
Constable: I'll see what I can do.

Dr. Julia Ogden: Look at Margaret. She looks like the cat who ate the canary.
Detective: Well, it's not everyone who gets asked to be a member of the Empire Club.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Why would the Inspector want to associate with them?
Detective: Perhaps it's to keep the canary eater happy.

Inspector: When people lie, their body also undergoes stress.
Constable: So, if we use your new mograph thingy thingy...
Inspector: Then we can scientifically measure whether a man is lying.
Inspector: [Sarcastically] I've got one of those at home. It's called a wife.

Detective: Mr Frumm, I believe you know who those remains belong to.
Arthur: Squirrel, a couple of rabbits. I didn't eat that raccoon, it was just bothering me.

[first lines]
Prisoner: [pushes Crabtree] Copper, one of these days when their backs are turned, uh?
[mimes slitting throat]

Inspector: Yeah, I've had my fill of war. Went to the Yard after I got back; wasn't much better there.
Inspector: No?
Inspector: Whitechapel. The Ripper. Made me sick to my stomach.
Inspector: It was quite a grusome sight.
Inspector: No, I mean the, the poverty, the dirt, the brutality. What sort of world is it where children go hungry and are beaten whilst we build an empire?

Inspector: [after beating up a prisoner to get information] Murdoch, you may have your fancy-dan way of doin' things. but my way can be very effective.

Constable: I think it would be a good idea if your pen name was to include all three of your names, like some of the greats: Robert Louis Stevenson, Arthur Conan Doyle, H. G. Wells.
Lucy: Louisa May Alcott.
Constable: Exactly.
Lucy: Oh, what a wonderful thought, George. I do like the sound of it. Lucy Maud Montgomery.

[last lines]
Detective: It would appear I have to thank you. Your penchant for not listening to me has once again...
Dr. Julia Ogden: I'm just so glad you're safe, William.
Detective: You saved my life, Julia.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Tit for tat, I suppose.
[they are about to kiss when Brackenreid enters]
Inspector: Dr. Ogden. You never cease to surprise me.
Dr. Julia Ogden: However do you mean, Inspector?
Inspector: Well, my best man was in dire straits, and you took it as an opportunity for a spot of canoodling.
Dr. Julia Ogden: It's called mouth on mouth resuscitation, Inspector. A technique employed by Swiss doctors to resuscitate babies. I did it only to save William's life.
Inspector: Of course you did, Dr. Ogden. Of course you did.

[first lines]
Inspector: I thought we were supposed to bring our wives.
Margaret: Well, I certainly didn't want to come. I hear they eat duck's feet, and eyeballs.
Constable: Mrs. Brackenreid, I've actually eaten Chinese food *twice*. It's very good.
Inspector: I thought we were supposed to bring our wives.

Inspector: D'you mean Murdoch has to work with you every day?
Constable: Gets to work with me.

Inspector: The killer's not invisible, Murdoch. Somebody must've seen him.

Edna: [speaking of her son Simon] That boy is trouble.
Constable: All boys are trouble.

Constable: [looks at the assembled bachelorettes] Higgins, they're the cream of society. I hardly think you stand a chance.
Constable: Well, then introduce me to one of the girls who dance with Miss Bloom at The Star Room, George. Probably have better luck there.
Constable: Like who?
Constable: Doesn't matter to me.
Constable: See, that could be your problem. You don't care what kind of woman you're with, as long as you're with one. Women notice something like that, you know.

Sir: This project called for a policy of guaranteed reciprocal annihilation.
Terrence: A series of enormous guns arrayed along the border capable of delivering an explosive device up to four hundred miles.
Dr. Julia Ogden: So if one country starts a war, both are mutually assured destruction?

Inspector: Inspector Thomas Brackenreid. This is my station-house. Who are you?
Bat: Bat Masterson.
Inspector: Bat Masterson, the lawman?
Bat: None other.
Inspector: Well, let him out, Jackson.
Bat: Oh, no need to hurry; it's too late. Damn shame. I had Robert Parker and Harry Longabaugh dead to rights.
Inspector: You're saying...
Bat: Damn right. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid are in Toronto.
Inspector: Bloody hell.

Detective: George, are you all right?
Constable: [clearly shaken] No, sir. When he took my trousers, he took my dignity.

Jean: Here is the campaign literature I'd like for you to distribute. It's rather exciting, isn't it. Think of all the good we can do for Toronto should we succeed.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Banning books?
Jean: Oh yes. Did you know our libraries give children access to the criminal writings of such amoral libertines as Mark Twain. Frankly I'd like to *burn* his books.
Dr. Julia Ogden: [hands back the pamphlets] Perhaps you ought to burn these instead.

[last lines]
Dr. Julia Ogden: You must be relieved, William.
Detective: I have to admit, I'm somewhat disappointed. I was quite enjoying our little research product.
[Julia chuckles]
Detective: The thought of discovering a new species...
Dr. Julia Ogden: Oh, William, you'll find your dinosaur yet; I'm sure of it.
[she removes her stockings]
Detective: Julia, there are people everywhere.
Dr. Julia Ogden: How ridiculous it is that women should have to wear black woolen stockings in this heat!
Detective: You are being very scandalous, young lady.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Yes, I am. Aren't I?
[she runs into the water, followed by Murdoch and they start roughhousing]
Dr. Julia Ogden: My hair!

Constable: Lying and stealing, sir, that's not normal for a boy his age.
Detective: George, lying and stealing is *exactly* normal for a boy his age.

Peter: Henry takes me to work some mornings. Less expensive than a hansom, and the conversation is better.
Constable: With Higgins?

Inspector: A woman like that will most likely eat him alive.
Detective: Julia thinks that George is just lonely.
Inspector: That's one word for it, I suppose.

Inspector: My gut tells me that she didn't do it.
Dr. Emily Grace: Your gut... is that similar to women's intuition?

Constable: [as the ferret is searching for the blood trail, he runs up Murdoch's trouser leg] Hey, careful. sir! They're known to bite!
Detective: Huh? What?
Constable: Cut off access to your sensitive bits.

[last lines]
Dr. Julia Ogden: Despite the darker side of opium, I'll admit I enjoyed our little experiment.
Detective: Yes, not one that I would care to repeat.
Dr. Julia Ogden: No? Not even the sensations invoked?
Detective: I prefer not to alter my reality.
Dr. Julia Ogden: And why is that?
Detective: Because nothing could make my reality any better than it already is.

Charles: I had changed from a flawed man to an evil one, all because of greed.

Inspector: We're not solving this by following the rules. Whoever the O'Sheas were working for, they tried to have me killed; threatened my family.
Detective: Sir.
Inspector: There're two laws now. The law that I once upheld and the law of the jungle. I know which one I choose.
Detective: If you do anything rash, I *will* have to arrest you.
Inspector: Course you will, Detective.

Inspector: Mr. Newsome, you're under arrest. Cuff him and take him away, Crabtree.
Roger: Wha-wha-what is this about? How dare you manhandle me like some cretin. I am a man of reason and intellect.
Constable: Well, I promise I will manhandle you reasonably.

Detective: Mr. Meyers, after our first adventure what makes you think I would possibly do your bidding?
Terrence: Because, detective, you have a murder to solve.

Detective: Well, it would appear that Mr. Oliver has been granted a one way ticket to the great beyond. How come you willingly subject yourself to such a risk?
Magnus: Explorers are risk-takers, Detective. They travel to the ends of the Earth. We are trying to do more than that. We are trying to find Heaven.

Dr. Julia Ogden: It's a tenuous link, William.
Detective: Yes, but links turn into chains.

[first lines]
Dr. Julia Ogden: Did you read in the Sunday Gazette about Britain's discovery expedition to the Antarctic?
Detective: Yes. Robert Scott, I believe. How incredible would it be to partake in such a journey!
Dr. Julia Ogden: Incredible, perhaps, but I can't say I envy them spending months on a ship without any guarantee of safe return.

Inspector: Softie, am I? Listen to me, Sunshine. It's fortunate for you that I don't want my son witnessing two deaths in one day.

Dr. Julia Ogden: [looking at two sets of photos of a room] Spot the difference. What fun! You could make a game out of this.

Thomas Edison Jr.: Now that I'm no longer shackled to the Edison name, what do you think of Thomas Willard?
Detective: That's a perfectly good name.
Thomas Edison Jr.: Perhaps Burton Willard has more authority.
Detective: Also good.
Thomas Edison Jr.: Burton Willard. I can see that name splashed across a billboard.

David: She went into hiding. In plain sight, as it happens. At the tearoom. I should have seen through her disguise on our first visit.
Inspector: Distracted by the pretty nannies, perhaps.
David: Perhaps.
Inspector: There's hope for you yet, Mr. Holmes.

Arthur: [Referring to Mycroft, the ventriloquist's dummy] Will someone please put a termite up that puppet's applecart?

Detective: [Examining the mcast of the supposed martian's foot] Scales?
Constable: Yes, it's my belief that the Martians are covered in scales, so, while they might be smarter than us, I have a feeling they may be a good deal uglier.

Detective: Sir, have you considered the charge for a transatlantic signal?
Inspector: Well, it can't be that expensive. My sister telegraphs every Christmas, and she's married to a bloody Scotsman.

[last lines]
Detective: Constable George Crabtree, you are under arrest for the murder of Sergeant Archibald Brooks.

[last lines]
Dr. Julia Ogden: William, I know now that I did what I had to do.
Detective: Yes, you did. And Eva Pearce?
Dr. Julia Ogden: She's gone, William. Gone for good.
Detective: Good. Good. Now, since this will be a thoroughly modern home, I have an idea of how we could recruit energy from the planet itself.

Constable: Perhaps the future will allow for every home to have a potato cooking room.

Detective: How is it you know who I am?
Marley: Doesn't everyone know who you are... sir?

Dilbert: Cuss words of any sort will be subject to an immediate fine of five cents.
Inspector: Five cents?
Dilbert: Per expletive. A string of colourful invective will prove quite costly I assure you
Inspector: So, what do I do?
Dilbert: Hmph. You will be replacing Miss Samantha Shire and Mr. Kenneth Page in indexing.
Inspector: Hello.Goodbye.
Dilbert: We're in the process of converting to a new filing system. Essentially we're combining the accessibility of a bound volume with the mutability of an open file system. Every piece of paper in every file folder is to be punched and placed in a two-hole binder in concordance with the index.
Inspector: How many file folders are there?
Dilbert: Ah, see for yourself.
[he slides a door aside revealing a very long aisle of shelves filled with folders]
Inspector: Bloody hell!
Dilbert: That'll be ten cents.
Inspector: How much?
Dilbert: Per expletive.

Constable: [after discovering the murdered girls love letters and diary and sniffing them] The secret life of teenage girls!
[Murdoch pulls the letters away from him/]

Inspector: Werewolves, Martians, ghosts, now vampires. What next, Crabtree? Abominable snowmen?
Constable: Sir, that's a fictitious creature, dreamed up probably by someone who has seen a sasquatch.

Constable: Give it up, Humber! You can't outrun me!
The: I'm twice your size! How are you going to arrest me?
[runs into a pole & knocks himself unconscious]
Constable: Twice my size, and half the wit.

[last lines]
Inspector: If you only live once, why not make it forever?

[first lines]
Constable: And you say there's nothing wrong with it at all?
Mrs. Haan: Uh, how should I know? I've never driven the thing.
Constable: It's a fine automobile, George. And the price...
[chuckles]
Constable: What do you think, Jackson?
Constable: You know what I think; I already gave you my share, George.
Constable: We could own a motorcar, George, and for only fifty dollars.
Constable: The price does actually seem rather low, Ma'am.
Mrs. Haan: Well, you can pay more if you like; makes no difference to me.
Constable: Are these yours?
Constable: George, why would a woman need driving gloves?
[chuckles]
Mrs. Haan: I don't know whose those are, but you can have them if you take the automobile. Do we have a deal?
[George sighs, ponders, then takes the For Sale sign off the car]

Nikola: [to Murdoch] Alternating current doesn't need to bribe its way into the future. Logic and history compel it to.

Dr. Julia Ogden: Look at us. We're all together. You know what that means? That means we're going to win.
Inspector: Well, you heard what... the lady said. Let's move.

Dr. Llewllyn Francis: Is that everything?
Detective: No, Doctor, might you enlighten me with the common symptoms of this sleeping sickness.
Dr. Llewllyn Francis: No. Fever - headache - death. Now that's a symptom you don't want to ignore.

Inspector: [to Mr. John Craig Eaton] A word of advice, son. Don't dip your pen in the company ink.

[last lines]
Rebecca: I'm a lucky man; you're giving me a second chance.
Maitre: [he sighs] We have no tables.
Nate: Look. Right there.
Rebecca: Table for two. We are not going away, sir.
[Nate and Miss James walk over to the table and seat themselves]
Maitre: You will not be served.
Rebecca: Then we'll be sitting here all night.

Jack: It's our mistakes that define us.

Helmut: [to Detective Murdoch] I will not expose our members to your tyranny.

Inspector: So, if Paddy Glenn is the "Kissing Bandit," who's the "Killing" Bandit?

Mrs. Jean Palmerston: I hardly think I'd still be in business if I were in the habit of killing off my customers.

Detective: And you have some basis, no doubt, on which to suspect, Mr. Fremont?
Sargeant: Of course. It's not hard science, but I have observed that people frequently look to the left when they are telling a lie.
Detective: And I have frequently observed that people look to the left when that is the direction they are going in.

[last lines]
Inspector: Mrs Smart. I'm very sorry, but you do realize I have no choice.
Stella: Of course.
Inspector: You were, and will always be, spectacular.
Stella: Thank you. But this wretched, wretched play... it truly is cursed.

Detective: This doesn't seem calculated. This woman's clearly disturbed, sir.
Inspector: Of course, she is. Nobody sticks an axe through Daddy's ribs unless they've got a few bats in the belfry.

Constable: [Looking through fingerprint cards] I can't think of one instance that we've discovered someone's identity by going through these files.
Constable: We do it all the time.
Constable: Do we? Because it's my recollection that we do this until our eyes fall out, and then Detective Murdoch comes waltzing in here and says, "Check on so-and-so." And lo and behold, he's our man.
Constable: Detective Murdoch doesn't waltz, Henry. Believe me, I've seen him try.

Constable: I've been reading up on it in the library; you wouldn't believe it. There are-are several reported instances o-of dirty water causing fatal infections.
Rebecca: Every patient who looks up their symptoms at the library ends up thinking they're dying.

Detective: So your spy tasked with monitoring international movement of munitions found time to vote in our elections this morning?
Terrence: Spies fulfill their civic duties as well as anyone else.

Inspector: We're on the same side, Davis.
Inspector: Are we?

Inspector: So are you going to bring this Keiji fellow in?
Detective: We're looking for him. No luck at the address he furnished.
Inspector: Bring the parents in. They'll know.
Detective: You sure? They're already suffering.
Inspector: They're parents. They live in a world of perpetual suffering. At least that's something you'll never have to worry about, Watts.

[first lines]
Clarence: I bagged that one in darkest Africa.
Inspector: Handsome beast. Ferocious, I'd wager.
Margaret: Africa? I thought tigers were native to India.
Clarence: You could be right, my dear. Africa, India, it's terribly hard to tell them apart.

Inspector: [as Dr. Ogden enters the railroad car] Well, well, I am very impressed.
Dr. Julia Ogden: That a woman can be a doctor?
Inspector: That a doctor can be so beautiful.

Dr. Julia Ogden: Would you like to finish it or shall we go home?
Detective: Um. Home.
[he answers the phone]
Detective: Detective Murdoch.
Detective: Yes, George.
Detective: Yes, I'll be right there.
[he hangs up]
Dr. Julia Ogden: Well, almost home.

[last lines]
Detective: Sir, the Prince of Wales has said that any man who wins the Victoria Cross should keep it, even if he's to be hanged.
Inspector: The Prince of Wales *said* that?
Detective: That's as it was reported. Food for thought.
[Murdoch leaves]
Inspector: [as he writes a letter] Your Royal Highness. I am writing to you on behalf of Master Corporal Reginald Pullen. He was stripped of his Victoria Cross for Meritorious Service...

Inspector: [to Murdoch about Rosa Hamilton] She's truly magnificent. We'll not hear anything like her for a long time.

Detective: The City of Love with a beautiful woman. You'd be a fool to say no.
Constable: I thought you said it was the City of Light.
Detective: Light, love. Are they not one and the same?
Constable: I prefer to love with the lights off, sir. I fear I'm bashful.

Allen: What good are words when they fall on deaf ears? Sometimes raw power is the only thing people will listen to.
Detective: And sometimes violence only serves to obscure the message.
Emma: And who are you, sir?
Detective: Another admirer, Miss Goldman.
Allen: He was at the rally. He and his friend were almost arrested. They needed help.
Emma: [to Murdoch] And what do you think?
Detective: Words are the only weapons that matter.
Reginald: [to Murdoch] Are you a pacifist?
Detective: Well, I won't strike first, but I'll certainly strike back.

[last lines]
James: [voiceover as Julia reads a letter from him] My dearest Julia, it appears our relationship has yet to come to an end, but you can be rid of me once and for all if you agree to my most simple proposition. You and Detective Murdoch must part, forever. If you marry him, he will die. If you inform him of this letter you will both die. Yours most fondly, James Gillies.

Constable: Sir, I discovered where Jeremiah Fuller's been. He's been dead!

Margaret: [as Murdoch and Julia kneel at the alter] The best man has yet to arrive.
Inspector: That's his tough luck.
Margaret: [pointedly] He has the ring.
Father: William Murdoch, Julia Ogden...
Inspector: Bloody hell!

Minerva: Self-pity will cripple you. Reject it. Instead, channel your intent on creating an outcome you desire.

Inspector: Did Murdoch send you here?
Dr. Julia Ogden: He's concerned about you.
Inspector: He just wants me back on the force.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Well, if that's where you're meant to be, of course he does.
Inspector: I thank you both for your concern, but I'm quite content with my lot.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Content or frightened?
Inspector: It's not the same world out there. There's no respect for the law any more. So I don't care to be a part of it.
Dr. Julia Ogden: You didn't answer the question.
Inspector: I'm neither. I'm just accepting of the way it is.
Dr. Julia Ogden: So the men who attacked you win.
[long pause]
Dr. Julia Ogden: So long as you're content.

[last lines]
[Murdoch flips a switch on the wireless]
Nikola: Detective Murdoch, you are the first to receive a wireless transmission from New York.
Detective: I came to thank you in person-
Nikola: Do not attempt to transmit in return. The power of this unit is far too weak. While I do think this is a splendid invention, I have other ideas of much greater importance that must be explored. We are men of the future, Detective Murdoch, and what a future it shall be.
Detective: Yes. What a future it shall be.

[last lines]
Detective: When did the reverend decide to rent out the rectory to your aunts, George?
Constable: Shortly after we moved here, I believe, sir. It was a tough life for a dock girl back then; they suffered for their trade. So the reverend and my aunts made a deal: they could stay in the rectory as long as they ran a respectable business.
Detective: Respectable?
Constable: Yes, sir. All the customers had to wear a tie; no exceptions. And my aunts had to save their money, look out for one another, and they had to go to church every Sunday.
Detective: And all of your aunts are named after flowers.
Constable: Sir, that was my aunt Daisy's idea. They called themselves the Flower Girls of Flower Hill. Sometimes a gentleman caller would bring the flower of the girl he was calling.
Detective: The reverend was a very wise man.
Constable: Yes, indeed he was, sir.

Detective: ...I suggest that one way to solve this case is by focusing our effort on Mr. Perry.
Inspector: And break him with what? We've got no hard evidence, and his daddy's barristers are probable en route as we speak.
Detective: Applied physics. Even a planet can be moved with the proper leverage. I just have to find it.

Nate: You need to think about your own people. Whose side are you on?
Rebecca: Whose side an I on? My skin is as black as yours, Nate Desmond. I know who I am; I don't ever get a chance to forget it. I don't need to prove anything to you, and I certainly don't socialize with men who lie to me.

Inspector: What did I tell you, Murdoch. Bloody spies. Don't even try to understand 'em. Just like women.
Detective: I know what you mean, sir.

Detective: [Referring to Dr. Ogden] She's engaged... to another man.
Inspector: Then it's a perfect situation.
Detective: How so?
Inspector: Well, she can be your mistress.
Detective: My mistress?
Inspector: Monsieur Murdoch, the marriage is about family. You make babies with your wife, but you make love to your mistress.

Inspector: I fear I hung my boots up too early.
Detective: Oh?
Inspector: On the job, retirement was something I looked forward to. Sleeping in. Reading books. Taking long walks with my dog.
Detective: That sounds wonderful.
Inspector: Turns out I am not that tired, I don't like reading, and the dog just wants to lay on the porch all day. It's like we are both waiting to die. Let me join your investigation. Side by side, huh? Three ears are better than two.
[chuckles]

Dr. Julia Ogden: You know, William, I imagine you would have made a fine film actor.
Detective: Thank you, but I just can't abide all the inaccuracies.

Constable: We have reason to believe that the victim died at a French restaurant shortly before he was killed.
Inspector: French? Didn't even know we had those.
Constable: Well, we do now... several apparently. Higgins has the adresses over here.
Inspector: Well, I don't really like them very much.
Constable: French restaurants?
Inspector: No, the French.

[last lines]
Eva: Sir! I've been robbed, sir. Attacked most brutally. Could you help me? Please.
Man: Well, of course, madam. Of course.

[last lines]
Allen: It'll be a damn long time before you see an American president on foreign soil. We'll keep our own safe, thank you
Detective: It's my feeling you make your own problems.
Allen: We're God's own country. And we'll take our own counsel.

[first lines]
Detective: I'm merely stating that given that the film was based on a Jules Verne novel, it could pay at least cursory attention to scientific plausibility.
Dr. Julia Ogden: I believe it's meant for children, William.
Detective: Precisely. You wouldn't want them to go through life with a distorted understanding of physics.
Dr. Julia Ogden: So it's not possible to reach the moon by way of cannon?
Detective: Even if enough force could be summoned, the acceleration would crush you. I can't even begin to discuss the gravitational issues.
Dr. Julia Ogden: I thought you said you loved this book as a child.
Detective: Well, I know better now.

Detective: In my experience books don't kill peope, rabbi.

[last lines]
Dr. Julia Ogden: My hair must look a fright.
Detective: No, it never looked lovelier.
Dr. Julia Ogden: I think this has been the perfect wedding day.
Detective: with one exception. I have yet to kiss the bride.

Constable: George, I've heard of wireless telegraphy.
Constable: Well, Henry, how can you be so completely lacking in awe? We're no longer constrained by wires now. We can send messages over electromagnetic waves that... that spread in all directions!
Constable: So doesn't that mean that everybody can receive everyone else's messages?
Constable: Well, perhaps that's true, but that might be a good thing. I might have something to say that I want the whole world to hear.
Constable: Yes, yes, you and everyone else, George. Just think of all the birds outside your window tweeting at once.
Constable: I think the word is twittering, Henry - but you might be right. This doesn't portend well.

Detective: George, how are things with the puppet?
Constable: It stares at me, sir, like it knows what I'm thinking. And it's always grinning this grin...
Detective: Basswood and wires, Constable.

Dr. Julia Ogden: You're going to need someone to administer the injection.
Inspector: Oh, no, no, no! It'll be a cold day in hell before any woman other than my wife comes anywhere near my backside, love!
Dr. Julia Ogden: Well, if not me, you'll be needing much longer arms.
Inspector: [decides to ask a man for help] MURDOCH! Get in here!

Dr. Julia Ogden: Keeping the polls closed is skewing the results as much as if we stayed open.
Lillian: But a fair election won't be possible as long as Margaret's name is absent from the ballot.
Dr. Emily Grace: Why don't we write it in? On every ballot until the new ones arrive?
Margaret: Of course! The injunction only stated that the candidates' names be on the ballot. It didn't specify how they come to be there.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Surely Mr.Snipe can have no objection. So who among us has the best penmanship?

[last lines]
Inspector: You heard about that job yet that you applied for?
Inspector: Not yet.
Inspector: I see. I'd like you to reconsider.
Inspector: Sir?
Inspector: This is a good station-house, and for reasons beyond me the men seem to think the world of you. And it's also plain to see that I could clearly use a good right-hand
[looks at left arm in sling]
Inspector: left-hand man to keep me out of trouble.
Inspector: I also suspect that, as you warned me, I wouldn't care much for the... politics involved with the job.
Inspector: No, you wouldn't.
Inspector: In that case, it would be my honour to continue to serve here at Station-house Number 4.
Inspector: I'll inform the Chief Constable of your decision.
Inspector: Thank you, sir.
[goes to door]
Inspector: And the raise, sir?
Inspector: Don't push your luck, Murdoch.
Inspector: Right, then.

[last lines]
Detective: Julia, it would seen Lesley Garland left behind somewhat of a reputation.
Dr. Julia Ogden: How so?
Detective: An altercation at Cornell University resulted in expulsion.
Dr. Julia Ogden: You checked up on him, William?
Detective: Well, if the young man's to be in your care, it's best we know whom we are dealing with.
Dr. Julia Ogden: William, I believe you're jealous.
Detective: I am not jealous.
Dr. Julia Ogden: He's a little bit young for me, don't you think?
Detective: I don't believe your beauty could be lost on anyone of *any* age, Julia.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Fine answer, William.
Detective: But he's definitely too young for you.

Mark: Given my points of view, it's somewhat of a surprise that, uh, someone hasn't shot at me before.

Terrence: Must I remind you gentlemen that I am far beyond the reach of the law?
Detective: But not the press, and I'm sure they would be very interested in what I know.

Detective: It's just a game.
Inspector: You're not much interested in sports, are you, Murdoch? If you were, you would know there's no such thing as "just a game!"

Inspector: We're not moving.
Detective: The streets are getting busier and busier, sir.
Inspector: Because they're always bloody tearing them up.
Detective: I told you we should have taken the bicycles, sir.
Inspector: Only a fool would ride a bicycle on a street full of wagons, streetcars, and
[car horn sounds]
Inspector: damn motorcars.

James: I have a moving picture to finish. If I don't, I'll be ruined. Yet again.
Detective: But if you continue you may be killed.
James: Then I'll die for my art.
Detective: Mr. Pendrick, art is a sculpture, a-a painting, poetry. You're making a moving picture starring Constable George Crabtree.

Inspector: Where's the knives and forks?
Constable: Oh, sir, I believe we're supposed to use these: chopsticks.
Inspector: Chopsticks? What can you chop with these?

Constable: Plenty of fish in the sea, George.
Constable: It's a shame I'm not packing Leslie Garland's bait.

[first lines]
Inspector: The secret is to make the bait look like dinner. That's why we use live ones.
John: Does that hurt 'em?
Inspector: It's a *worm*! You want to make it land with a plop. The plop grabs their attention; they think supper's landed.
John: Why would a worm just go plop inthe middle of the river?
Inspector: Does it matter?
Bobby: This is boring.
[the inspector sighs]
John: Worms live in the ground.
Inspector: Who cares?
Bobby: I-I got a bite.
Inspector: Pull. Reel it in.
John: It's a big one,
Inspector: It's not boring now, is it?
Bobby: It's really big!
Inspector: I think it's snagged on something.
[they reel in a body]

[first lines]
Eva: You're here. Oh, don't despair. Surrender. It's easier. It's what you want, isn't it? It's what we all want. Freedom. Surrender and you can have it.
Dr. Julia Ogden: No. No, you're not real.
Eva: I'm not real, but I'm with you every day, aren't I? So.Why don't you join me in death, so I can leave you forever?
Dr. Julia Ogden: No, no, no.
[Julia grabs the doorknob and screams in pain]
Eva: Oh, that must hurt. Join me, Julia. Say goodbye to fear. Or guilt. That's what you really feel, isn't it? Killing me because you were jealous; that makes you a murderer. There is no way out of that.

Inspector: [Referring to the johns in the brothel] Do we know which of the city fathers were caught with their strides down?
Detective: Strides?
Inspector: Trou - uh, pants - pants.

[first lines]
Roger: Hurry it up, Benedict.
[Benedict tees off]
Roger: Oh, unfortunate. Remember, it's a two stroke penalty if you're beyond the boundary.
Wilbur: Two, right.

Inspector: [Speaking of Wendell's attempt at a marriage of convenience] Nothing like a sanctified marriage to remove the whiff of pansy from the air.

[last lines]
Detective: Fine working with you gents.
Detective: You as well. We got it right in the end, even if this case did remind us that we are all fallible at times.
Detective: Fallible? How so? You were right all along.
Detective: Oh. Well, I...
Detective: So was your wife, as it turned out. She is an impressive woman. There is no doubt you were a fool for marrying a colleague. I suspect that's one blunder you won't regret.
Detective: Thank you.
Detective: She's not pretty, though. I don't know where you got that idea.
[Watts leaves]
Detective: Should I be offended?
Inspector: I haven't the foggiest.

Constable: [seeing the temple for the first time] Sir, it really does look like the Taj Mahal, doesn't it?
Detective: Actually, George, it-it's more like the Hagia Sophia.
Constable: Ah, yes, the church built by Emperor Justinian in the sixth century. The greatest in all of Christendom for over a thousand years.
[Murdoch stares at him]
Constable: Sir, I've been researching early Christianity for my new novel.

[first lines]
Constable: There you go! Trounce him!
Edna: Get him!
Constable: Edna. I had no idea you had such a passion for wrestling.
Edna: Oh, I don't. I... I merely accompany Simon.
Simon: Go, Randolph, go!

Laetecia: And you, Detective Murdoch... deceit from the beginning! And from a Canadian!

Detective: Dr. Ogden and I were walking one block south along Duke Street when we felt the rumblings. I wonder where the digging machine was headed to.
Constable: Sir, I hesitate to even suggest this, but I've recently been informed of the most unusual theory. What if our thief was headed down?
Detective: Down?
Constable: Sir, many people believe that a race of beings live inside the hollows of the earth.
Detective: I don't know what to say to that, George.
Constable: Well, sir, Dr. Ogden and Dr. Grace just attended a lecture on the subject. It could explain our thefts.
Detective: How?
Constable: Well, perhaps the inner-earthers are tunneling up to steal our diamonds and then tunneling back down to return to their own world.
Detective: I don't know what to say to that either, George.
Constable: Well, sir, I can't speak with authority on the subject; I'm no expert.
Detective: Clearly.

[last lines]
Lillian: Emily! What's the-
[Emily kisses her. Lillian breaks the kiss]
Lillian: Is this what you want?
Dr. Emily Grace: Yes.
Lillian: I'm not a toy.
Dr. Emily Grace: I'm too grown up for toys.
[they kiss]

Detective: [after Crabtree shows Murdoch a copy of Bram Stoker's book] Well, it seems everyone is reading "Dracula" but me.!

Detective: George, what do you think of this painting?
Constable: Oh, sir. I couldn't possibly say. I don't consider myself bright enough to understand art.

[last lines]
Inspector: [waltzing together at the dance academy] I must say I am surprised to see you here this evening, Julia.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Yes, well, I just thought tonight more than any night I would very much like to be held.

Thomas: Mr. Pendrick, I and a group of others are considering going to California to launch the motion picture industry. You could be a part of it.
James: The motion picture industry will be here, in Toronto, Canada. I have no intention of going into business with a scoundrel such as you.

[first lines]
Pastor: I willingly boast of my weakness that the power of Christ may rest upon me, the Book tells us in Second Corinthians. Do we hide our hurt from the Lord?
Congregation: [murmured] No.
Pastor: No. For how can we hope to hide our true selves and hope to find redemption and reparation?.
Congregation: Amen.
Pastor: Who among us has not been hurt? Who has not been mistreated, but in our darkest hours we discover strength in Jesus?
Congregation: Yes, yes.
[applause]
Pastor: Our guest today reminds us of a past in which we were mistreated, and though we may wish to forget that past, we're reminded to boast. Boast that in our hardships we found strength in our Lord. Boast that in times of need we found friends, like our friend, Mr. Frank Parker.

Harry: [Because the police have no hard evidence against him] I'll say good evening, gentlemen.
Inspector: I'm watching you, Harold.
Harry: [Hearing the name Harold makes him stop and turn arround] Harry. Harry Houdini. Soon everyone will know my name.
Inspector: Not for the reasons you'd like.

[last lines]
[a belly-dancer begins dancing at Murdoch's bachelor party]
Mrs. Kitchen: Well, I suppose I had better be going. Enjoy yourself, Detective Murdoch. Breakfast will be ready at six, as usual.
Bat: [voice-over, as Murdoch reads the note the dancer has given him] With utmost admiration, from one lawman to another. Bat Masterson.
Inspector: [pushing Murdoch into a chair] Have a seat, Murdoch.

Nikola: Everyone in the world could have tele-vision.
Detective: I think it's best not. The weak minded would waste half of their lives observing it.

[first lines]
Detective: Certainly is a unique frame, sir.
Inspector: I got it from home. It was a present from the mother-in-law. All I needed to do was remove the atrocity that was in it.
Detective: What is that, sir? Mahogany?
Inspector: Uhh, well, it's certainly one of the more exotic woods.
Detective: Yes, it's too dark for teak.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Why are the two of you talking about the frame when it's the painting that merits attention? I think your use of colour is extraordinary.
Inspector: You needn't flatter me, doctor. But why exactly do you say so?
Dr. Julia Ogden: With this painting, I see a creative vision taking hold. You seem to be capturing the essence of the north woods, and not just the actual of it.
Inspector: Well, it's not 'alf bad for a copper.
Detective: I am curious, sir; why did you use blue and pink for the trees?
Inspector: Creative vision, Murdoch. Like Dr. Ogden just said. Oh, and, uh, I ran out of the green.

Detective: [Hearing about the death of Eddie's wife and daughter t the hands of the British] I'm sorry. I had no idea.
Eddie: So, how would you know? You're not a mind reader - you're a copper, sworn to uphold Her Majesty's rules.
Detective: I uphold the law, Eddie.
Eddie: Ah, well, there's a fine line between upholdin' the law and bein' a lacky, Will.

[first lines]
Gilford: An Inca tern.The scoundrel abruptly takes up birdwatching and within a month he spots the first Inca tern in all of North America.
Alastair: I wouldn't have believed it had I not been there myself.
Gilford: And you just know he's going to wring every last drop out of this discovery.
Alastair: He'll wring everything out of it.
Gilford: Lectures, books, guided tours; you name it. He will wring it.
Alastair: He claims Josephine Dawson suddenly agreed to a birdwatching date.
Gilford: Josephine Dawson with him!
[both men laugh]
Alastair: Rose-breasted grosbeak.
Gilford: Oh, a fine example, Plumlee. I dare say I caught a glimpse of it a hair before you, even.
Alastair: Nonsense. I'm putting it in my life list. June 17th, 7:45 a.m. rose-breasted grosbeak.
Gilford: We can both put it in our life lists, my good man. only I'll mark my sighting down for seven four four a.m.
Alastair: You are a devil. Ooh, look at this fellow.
Gilford: Oh dear.

Inspector: I know what I saw.
Detective: With all due respect, sir, what the whiskey saw.
Inspector: It was ale, Murdoch. Who in their right mind would drink whiskey at the beach?

Constable: 'The Filmed Adventures of Detective William Murdoch' hardly trips off the tongue, and it would make for a very long marquee.
Detective: That's true.
James: What do you suggest?
Constable: Just 'The Murdoch Mysteries'.
James: I like it.

Dr. Julia Ogden: And here I thought cycling could be good for one's health.

Inspector: [Frustrated by the orphans] These little toe-rags are about to get an eye-openin'.

Detective: Considering the weapon, and the force required to strangle someone, I would expect to see some marks on the killer's hands.
Terrence: Any spy worth his salt would wear gloves when executing a man.
Inspector: Any spy worth his salt won't speak German and expose himself.
Terrence: He exposed himself precisely to hide himself. Some things you have yet to learn, Inspector. That poor bugger is neither a killer nor a spy.
Inspector: That poor bugger is neither a killer nor a spy.
Detective: I agree.
Inspector: So let's find the real one.

Detective: Mr. Carlin, what were you looking for at the Devil's Den?
Leonard: The unpredictable, Detective.

Arthur: Well, this has been quite an adventure. Perhaps I could treat you to a nightcap.
Detective: No, thank you, sir. I've had enough 'spirits' for one night.

Lydia: Look at you, big city policeman. An important man.
Constable: [Smiles shyly] *Important*, I don't-...
Detective: [Enters] George, I need you to get me six melons!

Constable: It bears repeating that I think your novel has true greatness in it. I just think that you ought to... do away with some of the dull bits and flesh out the parts that are more arousing.
Lucy: Now, that is sound advice.
Constable: And have you reconsidered making it *Dan* of Green Gables?
Lucy: Absolutely not. Why should I? Half the world is made up of women; I suspect there should be a large readership for a novel with a female protagonist.
Constable: You make a good case.

Thomas: Detective Murdoch, if I wanted to harm Pendrick, I would use weapons *far* more devastating than any gun. My attorneys.

[first lines]
Margaret: Thomas! Those are for the guests.
Inspector: So, what am I?
Margaret: Well, it's my new business, so you are the help. We should be finished.
Inspector: Oh, don't worry about it, Margaret. Everything'll be fine, I'm sure.
Margaret: Just lend a hand where it's needed. And we'll keep an eye on those milling about. I don't want anything stolen.

[last lines]
Detective: It's good to have you back, Inspector.
Inspector: Thank you, Murdoch. Crabtree!
Constable: Put the bloody kettle on?
Inspector: Exactly.

[last lines]
Edna: Thank you for meeting me, George.
Constable: How's Simon?
Edna: He's happy. His father's back.
Constable: How are you?
Edna: They told me he was dead, George.
Constable: Edna...
Edna: I mean, one minute I'm to be Mrs. George Crabtree and the next minute I'm back to being Mrs. Archibald Brooks, and... I don't know what to do, George.
Constable: There's not anything you can do, Edna. Your husband's come back to you; Simon's father's returned to him. Your family's whole again.
Edna: George, I...
Constable: Edna, go back to your life and be happy. I want you to be happy.
Edna: Good-bye, George.

Constable: Look here. See these flowers? They're the only ones of their kind in this area. The soil here is richer, possibly fertilized by organic matter.
Anne: Like a rotting corpse?
Constable: You're a quick study, Miss Baxter.

Detective: Something the matter, George?
Constable: Sir. That man, he knows my mother. I mean, he knew my mother. Nine months before I was born.
Detective: Oh... . Oh!

Detective: Montreal is one thing, but I don't know that you'd find the same abundance of work in Toronto the Good.

Inspector: How much sleep have you had in the last few days, Higgins?
[Sniffs]
Inspector: You smell like a bloody raccoon.

[last lines]
Constable: I fear our outing has ended rather quickly now.
Edna: Well, why don't we take a walk down to the arcade?
Constable: i thought you wanted to go for a drive.
Edna: I did, but I could fancy a stroll.
Constable: Is this a date, Edna Brooks?
Edna: I suppose it is, George Crabtree.
Constable: Well, good.

Dr. Julia Ogden: [to Detective William Murdoch] I don't know what I find more infuriating: Darcy's blatant attempt to distress me, or your refusal to acknowledge it!

Rosie: Are you Detective Murdoch?
Detective: I am. Now what can I do for you two?
Davey: The Snow Queen wants you to know she's safe.
Detective: And who is the Snow Queen?
Rosie: She said you would know.
[hands Julia's new ring to Murdoch]
Detective: Oh, right. And how did you know to ask for me?
Rosie: She said to look for the handsome man who gave us four dollars.
Detective: Right.
Rosie: You really married the Snow Queen?
Detective: Yes, I did.
Rosie: So, if you married her, you must be a king.
Detective: Well, I certainly feel that way sometimes.

[first lines]
Miner: [looks at his watch and chuckles] It's one in the morning! You never get over that, do ya? Still... damn sight better than the winter. What do you think, mister? What do you think's worse: endless day or never-ending night?
Detective: It would depend on your state of mind, I suppose. The day, light can consume your thoughts. The night, thoughts can consume you.

James: Acting is nothing more than standing around all day, reciting a few words.

[first lines]
Constable: Enough already!
Constable: Let's have Bert Grady!
Constable: Yeah. Booooo!
Constable: Oh, come on, Higgins.

Detective: Mr. Wilcox, how many men have you killed?
Lightning: Countin' Indians? Beats me. Somewhere between plenty and too many, I guess.

Detective: Jeffrey. If I were you, I wouldn't play any more tennis on Monday evenings. In fact, I think your entire group should take up another sport.

Inspector: Nobody commits murder in my jail cells and gets away with it!
[Looking at Athens the monkey]
Inspector: Understand? Hah?

[first lines]
Dr. Julia Ogden: Ten o'clock and it's already ninety degrees.
James: Nothing as cooling as a genuine Snow Ball straight from the streets of Baltimore. I recommend the egg custard.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Then that is what I shall have.

Detective: Oh, it's so big, uh, but it goes in quite easily, and reaches right into that perfect spot.

[last lines]
Wilton: Oh, my God! My God.

Detective: Did he have any enemies?
Thaddeus: Name me one politician worth his salt who doesn't.

Constable: [approaching a nondescript solitary building] Are you sure this is the address Mr. Wilson gave the inspector?
Constable: I don't know, Henry. All I know is this is the address the inspector gave me.
Constable: This doesn't seem right to me. Shouldn't we be investigating some sort of medical facility.
Constable: Who knows what goes on behind closed doors? Who knows?

Detective: [referring to threatening postcard] Why might someone send you this?
Clarence: I don't know.
Inspector: Someone with a grudge, perhaps?
Clarence: Sir, I'm a successful man. I have more enemies than I do friends.

Dr. Julia Ogden: The woman is absolutely fascinating.She makes no effort whatsoever to hide her lack of feeling about five dead husbands.
Constable: She puts me in mind of that insect species, where the female consumes the male right when they're in the middle of... procreating?
Dr. Julia Ogden: Yes, the female preying mantis is known to devour her mate during the sex act, as is the widow spider.
Constable: That's the perfect name for her: the black... praying mantis, only change the 'a' in 'praying' to an 'e' because she preys upon her husb...
Detective: Thank you, George.

Father: Mark my words. Whoever did this cannot *hide* from the eyes of God. They *will* be punished. In this world or the next.
Detective: Harsh words from the mouth of a priest, Father.
Father: I think our Lord will grant me a less than charitable response to those that deserve it.

Detective: They both would have needed access to the safe.
Inspector: They could have hired a safe-cracker.
Detective: Or Mr. Mortimer *is* in on it. But that begs the same question: why not simply walk out of the bank with the plates?

Inspector: [after discovering the victim is a woman, not a man] I passed water with that - with that woman standing right beside me.
Inspector: Fascinating, sir, but what's even more fascinating was that she wasn't just dressing like a man, she was living her life as a man.

[last lines]
[Murdoch is throwing his golf clubs, one by one, into the water hazard]
Dr. Julia Ogden: Wiliam...
Detective: Just leave me, Julia. This is something I must do on my own.

Enid: I think that it's better that you go.
Detective: So, this is it then?
Enid: What more can there be?

Constable: [looking through the fingerprint book] I hate fingermark duty.
Constable: Detective work isn't always about investigating, Henry. Sometimes it involves mind-numbing tedium.

Constable: [Coming in out of the rain] Rotten old night out there. The rain's got the sewers backed up. There are rats as big as pumpkins roaming the streets.

Constable: [Looking at the murdered body off-camera and referring to the coroner] What do you think he'll have to say about the cause of Mr. Jenkins' death?
Detective: [Sarcastically] With his gift for stating the obvious, he'll no doubt conclude that this was not a case of poisoning.
[the camera then tilts downward to reveal Jenkins' head with a large hole in it]

Inspector: [explainng opera] It's not about the story, Murdoch. Opera's about the expression of emotion - pure emotion expressed through virtruostic singing.
Detective: I had no idea you had an ear for opera, sir.
Inspector: Life holds greater riches than a job with the Toronto Constabulary There are a lot of things you don't know about me, Murdoch.
Detective: Clearly.

Detective: I need to question Mr. Roundhill again; where might he be?
Head: Hades, I imagine.
Detective: I beg your pardon?
Head: Mr Roundhill is dead.

[last lines]
Dr. Julia Ogden: You're still going to build me that house.
Detective: I will. I will.

Inspector: What did Stockton want to speak to you about?
Inspector: He suggested I apply for the Inspector position coming open at Station Number 3.
Inspector: You. An inspector?
Inspector: I think my record speaks for itself.
Inspector: Murdoch, you're a bloody good copper, and you've got a mind like no-one else I've ever met, but trust me - you're not cut out for the shite that comes with the job.

Lady: I must say Toronto society has been most welcoming.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Oh, we're Canadians; we always are.

Detective: So after you retire for the night, the girls are unsupervised?
Mrs. Irvin: I sleep with one ear open, detective.

Inspector: Governor-General Young Scholar. That gathered a few sniggers in the schoolyard I would imagine.
Winifred: Intelligence is nothing to be ashamed of, Inspector.
Inspector: Not at all, Miss Pink, as long as it's not announced with a clarion call.
Winifred: Point taken.

Violet: Detective.
Detective: What have you, Mrs. Hart?
Violet: Nothing to identify the man, and no signs of physical trauma to the body. It may be poison.
Constable: Potato poisoning.
Detective: What?
Constable: Sir, one time one of my aunt's, umm..."friends," let's say, well, his wife was very upset with him, I won't get into why, but sir, he hid from her in the basement of the rectory among scads of potatoes, very nearly died.
Detective: From the potatoes?
Constable: Yeah, sir, I'm telling you, the improperly stored potato, nothing short of a menace.
[covers mouth and nose with cloth]
Detective: I eagerly await your report, Mrs. Hart.

Rebecca: [Crabtree is searching for evidence in trash cans] Just how bad is a constable's salary that he's forced to forage for his lunch in such a manner?

Detective: [as a skeleton is uncovered] Gentlemen, I believe we've just made the acquaintance of Mrs. Roundhill.

[first lines]
Girl: I love your flower, Mr. President.
President: This? Why, this is my lucky flower! But you know what?
[takes flower from buttonhole and hands it to her]
President: Now it's your lucky flower.
Girl: Thank you, Mr. President.

[last lines]
Detective: You know... Captain Bernier asked me to join him on his expedition.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Did he, now?
Detective: Mm, but I told him I could not accept, on account of being a father.
Dr. Julia Ogden: And how long would the expedition take?
Detective: Four years, give or take a year.
Dr. Julia Ogden: But if not for being a father you would go? Leaving me here for four years.
Detective: You would wait for me, Julia.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Oh, don't be so sure. Speaking of being a father, where is our child?
Detective: Right this way.
[they go to the next room, where Roland is happily playing in a baby bouncer]
Detective: It replicates the motion of bouncing him on one's knee.
[Roland gurgles and bounces]
Dr. Julia Ogden: Look how happy he is!
Detective: Oh, yes. He's our gleeful bouncer.
Dr. Julia Ogden: I could use one of those at the morgue.
Detective: That's why I've made three. One for the morgue, one for here. and one for my office. That way Roland can remain occupied while we go about our work.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Never miss a moment.
Detective: No, no.

Detective: Sir, the situation with Tash is complicated.
Inspector: Yes, he did us a good turn in the past, but Lillie Dunn deserves justice, so why don't you go and do what you do best, me old mucker? Step on some toes and upset people.

Chief: What do you want?
Inspector: Full confession. Including your assault on Mr. Dilbert , *and*... your collusion with the Board of Control.
Chief: I cant give your the Board.
Inspector: Your choice. You can have a job and keep your pension, or you can to five to ten in the company of men you sent to prison. They don't take kindly to that I hear.
Chief: What's the job?
Inspector: It just so happens, there's an opening at City Records.

Detective: The world is only an oyster if you choose to open it.

Dr. Harwick: Laws can sometimes be an impediment to progress.

Chief: Doesn't seem fair, does it? To lose your job, your pension; to be sent to a prison with a bunch of convicts you helped put away. I hear they don't take kindly to that.
Inspector: Come here to rub it in, have you?
Chief: I'm not here to gloat, Tom. I don't want to see you destroyed over a momentary... lapse of judgement.
Inspector: My only lapse of judgement was underestimating you.
Chief: Yes. But you did. And here we are. Me standing here, and you sitting there.
Inspector: What is it you want, Davis?
Chief: I've come with an offer.
Inspector: An offer?
Chief: A position has opened up at City Records. It's not police work and won't pay much, but... you'll keep your pension and stay out of jail.

Lady: I only know what the cards tell me.
Detective: Begging your pardon, but cards don't speak. They're made in a printing shop.
Lady: Do you believe in God, Detective?
Detective: Of course.
Lady: God spoke to Moses through a burning bush, did he not?
Detective: What of it?
Lady: If God spoke to Moses through a burning bush, why shouldn't he speak through cards? Are you so arrogant as to assume you know the ways of God?
Detective: No, I just don't think God speaks through you.

Constable: You still haven't told me why you think Mrs. Robinson is innocent.
Detective: Newton's third law of motion, George.

Detective: [speaking of the murder weapon] You need to test it for finger marks.
Constable: Sir, what if I find...?
Detective: We need to know.
Constable: And if I get the wrong answer?
Detective: There's no right or wrong answer in this, George; only the truth.

James: [dramatic voiceover] Speed. The inverse relationship between distance and time. Since the dawn of the machine age, man has sort to increase one at the expense of the other. To do that, we need the power to accelerate. But we encounter the limit, friction. The point where the wheel meets the rail. But if we were to lift the train by the force of magnetic propulsion, and drive it forward by means of induction, then the only friction one would encounter would be the wind. And if we were take that out, our speed could be infinite. Allowing for a comfortable acceleration, we can go from New York to London in one hour. Sound impossible? Try inevitable. Frictionless. Levitated. Accelerated. Subsurface. Hypertrain. Introducing the Pendrick FLASH.

[first lines]
Inspector: Toronto is one of the safest cities in North America.
David: Let us hope so, Inspector. After all, we *are* talking about His Royal Highness Prince Alfred. Queen Victoria is very, very protective over her grandson.
Inspector: I have assigned two very experienced officers to make sure that the Prince's visit goes as planned.
David: There are some lingering concerns.
Inspector: Lingering concerns?
David: The War Office has received information that the Irish may be plotting something against a member of the Royal Family.
Inspector: This is Canada, sir. There's no need to worry about such things.

[first lines]
Inspector: Come on. Looking forward to spending the night in the cells, O'Shea?
Mick: You're messing where it don't concern you, Brackenreid. *We* own the docks.
Inspector: And *I* own the city! Don't ever forget that.

Dr. Julia Ogden: Who was that man?
Detective: Must be from the circus

[last lines]
Detective: Sir, get them.
Constable: Inspector!
Inspector: Crabtree! Come see to Murdoch.
Constable: Where are you going?
Inspector: To end this.
Constable: Sir!
Inspector: The O'Sheas are mine.

[last lines]
Dr. Julia Ogden: I hope I'm not overstepping my boundaries, but... I spoke with Dr. Grace. I know that she's very sorry.
Constable: I appreciate that; just I, I really don't want to discuss it.
Dr. Julia Ogden: She's a good woman, George, and one certainly deserving of a second chance.
Constable: Well, I think in breaking things off with her I've given her just that. But I really do appreciate that, Doctor, thank you.

Dr. Julia Ogden: Fascinating.
Rebecca: Let me guess. This is still not your corpse.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Nope. Not mine.
Anne: This looks like a more recent burial, Doctor.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Puncture wounds to the abdomen.
Rebecca: A better name for your body farm might well be Murder Farm.

Inspector: [looking at photograph] Oh my God! I remember when this was taken. I'd only been on the force two weeks.
Detective: You remember that?
Inspector: I'd just arrested Margaret.
Detective: Your wife!
Inspector: She'd got into a tiff over the lunch special at Maizie's. Such a tart tongue; full of sass even then.

Inspector: Sometimes there's just no justice in the world. Drink?
Detective: I might almost say yes.

Nina: Bonjour, mon amour!
Constable: Ah... ..
[both kisses on the cheeks twice]
Constable: You two do realise that you are still Canadians?

Inspector: I'm not touching' a drop of whiskey until Dr. Ogden is exonerated.

Arthur: After I cooked up a nice squirrel stew for my supper, I found a fine bottle of gin by my tent there. I cancelled my theatre plans.
Detective: You say you found this bottle?
Arthur: Gin from an angel, I took it as.
Detective: I take it you consumed its contents?
Arthur: ...You don't want to anger the angels.

Constable: Besides, I don't need to buy your affections.
Nina: Is that so?
Constable: I reckon most nights you could hardly wait to give them to me.

Constable: [as Murdoch enters the station house] Ah, sir, Dr. Ogden is waiting for you in your office.
Constable: [Hinting of his knowledge of their workplace romance as the other constables smirk to murdoch's embarrassment] I'll let the men know that you are not to be disturbed.

[first lines]
Inspector: It's going to be a good day tomorrow, Murdoch.
Detective: Sir?
Inspector: This piece of low-life scum gets what he deserves.
[pokes the prisoner]
Inspector: Isn't that right?
Detective: This isn't about vengeance, sir.
Inspector: Sometimes that's all it's about.

Lady: It's absurd.
Dr. Julia Ogden: What is?
Lady: Well, surely your husband doesn't think any of these young women capable of murder.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Anyone is capable of murder.

Inspector: The fact of the matter is Sundance and Butch are on the loose. Bat knows them better than we do, Murdoch. He'll take the lead.
Detective: Very Well.
Inspector: So where should we start, Bat?
Bat: Hmm. Take me to the most reputable house of ill repute in town.

Detective: [entering Cedric Maxwell's place] From Rosedale to this.
Constable: I suppose the lawyers were more dear than he imagined, sir.
Detective: They always are.

Detective: George, there is absolutely no scientific basis for the existence of ghosts.
Constable: Yes sir, but you yourself have said the absence of evidence is not necessarily the evidence of absence.

Inspector: There's a churlish Scotsman sitting in your office.
Detective: Churlish? How so?
Inspector: Well, he's a Scotsman, isn't he?

[last lines]
Detective: Prime Minister.
Sir: Detective Murdoch. Inspector.
Inspector: Sir.
Sir: I wanted to thank you personally. Your country owes you a great debt.
Detective: Thank you, sir.
Sir: Gentlemen.
[Laurier leaves]
Terrance: You realize, of course, the country can never really know the debt it owes you?
Detective: I'm aware of that, Mr. Meyers.
Terrance: Hah! Excellent. Until we meet again?
Detective: Oddly, this time, Mr. Meyers, I look forward to it.
Terrance: Hmm.

Dr. Julia Ogden: So what is the connection between volcanic rock, a tri-colored ring, and a beagle?
Detective: I haven't the foggiest. There may be none.
Dr. Julia Ogden: William, you have to give me a hint.
Detective: No hints, not even for her majesty, the Snow Queen.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Sedition. I'm warning you, her majesty has hidden powers.
Detective: Oh, I know.

Detective: I did read about a patent for electroplating corpses issued in France some years ago.
Inspector: We'd all be better off if they stuck to wine, cheese, and bloody frogs' legs.

Inspector: Higgins saw her come sailing off the bell tower.
Violet: That would account for these injuries, wouldn't it?
Dr. Julia Ogden: Let's not be too quick to judge. This wound is unusual.
Detective: How so?
Dr. Julia Ogden: By the looks of it, she was struck with something.
Inspector: Well, yes. The ground.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Yes, I don't think so.
Violet: Curious. There are fresh scratches on both arms.
Inspector: So where was she before the bell tolled for her?

[first lines]
Detective: Anything of use, Henry?
Constable: Well, I didn't see much, sir. The man who ran away was of medium build. Long black coats, but... I didn't see his face. Sir, It looks like his throat's been slit.
Detective: If it had, there'd be significantly more blood; I suspect we'll find he's been garotted.
Constable: That's a new one for me, sir.
Detective: [drops an item from a small bag into his hand] Good God!
Constable: What is it, sir?
Detective: It appears to be a human thumb.

James: We have but one life, Murdoch. I have to be true to myself. Besides, we both know I was the first man to fly.
Detective: Actually, Mr Pendrick, I believe I was.
James: [laughs] Touché.

[first lines]
Mother: Tommy!
[Tommy is transfixed]
Mother: Tommy? Tommy! Baker, have you not heard me calling you? What are you making about?
[she sees the naked statue on the bench]
Mother: Oh, for the love of God!
[guiding Tommy away]
Mother: You just wait till we get home.

Detective: George, what country of origin would you say begins with the letters SW?
Constable: Oh there's several I can think of, sir. Swansea - that's in England, I believe. Um, Sweden. Swaziland, I think, is a real place.
Detective: Switzerland, George. And what are the Swiss famous for?
Constable: Chocolate. Cheese. Cheese with holes.
Detective: Clocks.

Detective: ...there would appear that there is a phantom killer on the loose.

Constable: [to Inspector Brackenreid] Sir, I think Mrs. Brackenreid... I think your wife is seeing a gigolo.

Constable: We could at least say I was injured catching a criminal.
Constable: You catching a criminal? Henry, we want to keep it believable.

[last lines]
Dr. Julia Ogden: Surely you can appreciate the tranquillity of the setting at least.
Detective: Yes, well it is quiet... and secluded.
Dr. Julia Ogden: William.
[they embrace]
Dr. Julia Ogden: Someone might see us.
Detective: Mm-hmm.
[Julia suddenly breaks the embrace]
Dr. Julia Ogden: Look, William, it's a North American goldfinch! Or is it merely a yellow warbler? Regardless, it's, it's magnificent. Oh, what a thrill! William?

[last lines]
Detective: Truth is absolute, unyielding, and eternal, Jackson. It is our one constant in a turbulent universe.
Constable: Yes, it is, sir. Here.
[hands Watts a pretzel]
Constable: Thought you could use this.
Detective: Indeed I could.

Inspector: Quite a view. You can see the whole neighbourhood.
Rosina: Everyone can see everyone. Poor folks' penny opera.

Constable: Sir, can I ask you a personal question?
Detective: Yes?
Constable: Well, how is it that you don't feel the heat?
Detective: I assure you, George, I am quite uncomfortable.
Constable: But sir, it's just that I'm fairly soaked through with sweat here, and you've nary a hair out of place.
Detective: I believe in propriety, George, no matter the temperature.

Detective: It would appear our case from the past has taken a detour unto the present.

Miriam: Leonard once told me that the biggest difference between a man and a woman was that men can keep a cool head... women cannot. What do you make of that?
Inspector: [after a long pause] I guess he was wrong.

[George's aunts obviously run a brothel]
Detective: George, what kind of place is this?
Constable: It's a rectory, sir. The reverend wasn't using it, so he rented it to my aunts for the business.
Detective: What kind of business?
Constable: Sir, if you don't know, I'm not sure I should say.
Detective: I might have guessed, George.
Constable: Ah, that's good sir; it would have made for an awkward explanation.
Detective: George, was the reverend aware of all of this?
Constable: Oh, yes, sir. It was his idea.

Rebecca: So, what are we to do with the remains?
Dr. Julia Ogden: We'll take him to the Necropolis Cemetary. He'll be buried in an unmarked grave.

Secretary: Mr. Simms is working late, and he doesn't like to be observed.
Detective: He'll be in an even worse mood once I'm finished with him.

Detective: Well, you've had an eventful stay, Mr. Churchill. Perhaps material for your memoirs someday.
Winston: I rather think I'll restrict my memoirs to the events I actually remember, Detective. This hasn't exactly been my finest hour.

Detective: Circumstance and speculation will never trump fact.

Dr. Julia Ogden: [to Brackenreid concerning his unusual behavior] Inspector, are you sure you're all right? If not, my morgue is always open.

Margaret: Goodbye, Mrs. Nation. Have a pleasant journey.
Carrie A. Nation: I'll do no such thing. Nor did I have a pleasant stay. May God have mercy on your damnable souls.
Margaret: Thank you.
[Carrie Nation leaves]
Margaret: [sighs] What a horrid woman!
Inspector: I guarantee that woman drives more men to drink than she keeps away from it.

James: [Sarcastically to Murdoch when he sees him] Murdoch, what fiendish crime of mine brings you here this time?

Nurse: But what about the others? Who will speak for all the other incorrigible women?

Constable: I took the liberty of looking into Mr. Johnson's past. At the risk of repeating myself, he was dead.

Detective: [Disturbed by Braxton's suicide] He had a beautiful home... wife... child. Not only does he throw all of that away but condemns himself to eternal damnation by commiting suicide.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Perhaps he felt that Hell was no worse than the torment he was living in.
Detective: There's always hope.
Dr. Julia Ogden: He was living a sham. Everything was a lie. Secretly he was in love with someone he could never be with, and furthermore that person was about to marry someone else.''
Detective: Yes, but to kill himelf!
Dr. Julia Ogden: Really, William. I'm surprised at your closed-mindedness!
Detective: Even leaving the Bible aside...
Dr. Julia Ogden: Yes, could we?
Detective: It goes against nature.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Oh, rubbish! Nature is full of omnisexual behavior. Have you never seen male dogs at play?
Detective: But those are dogs.
Dr. Julia Ogden: We're all animals, William. Behaving as nature intended. If God didn't want us to express our desires, then why would he give us desires in the first place?
Detective: To test our resolve.
Dr. Julia Ogden: At whose expense? Surely *this* is not God's plan.

Detective: Julia, I believe I may be the Artful Detective.

[Crabtree has just tackled the Prince]
Prince: You know I could have you beheaded for this.
Constable: Right now that would only be too merciful, Sir.

Charlotte: [to Dr. Julia Ogden] Pardon me if I'm being indiscreet, but... what is Detective Murdoch to you?
Dr. Julia Ogden: We're very good friends.
Charlotte: Oh. Is that it? There's nothing... nothing more?
James: Charlotte, perhaps you're being a little too prying.
Charlotte: I need to know who I'm playing, a modern woman or a church mouse.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Well, if you're playing a modern woman, perhaps you shouldn't be trying to define her through her relationship with a man.

Inspector: Did his teammates ever quarrel with him?
Coach: As I said earlier, Detective, these boys are like family.
Inspector: In my experience conflict can arise in even the closest of families.
Coach: Not this one.

[first lines]
Detective: New automobile, bespoke suit; our victim was a man of means, Julia.
Dr. Julia Ogden: So, what was he doing in this part of town?
Detective: I don't know. How long has he been dead?
Dr. Julia Ogden: Well, rigor has passed, so more than a day, I'd hazard. And the vomit on his jacket is quite dry. William, there's intra-dermal bruising on his right temple, as though he was leaning heavily on it before he died.
Detective: The *right* temple, That seems odd, given that he's in the driver's seat. Julia, I don't think our victim came here voluntarily. I believe someone may have driven him here.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Moved his body into the driver's seat.

[last lines]
Constable: Henry, listen to this.
[reading Maud's manuscript]
Constable: "It has all my worldly goods in it, but it isn't very heavy. It's an extremely old carpetbag."
Constable: Isn't that how you were found? An old carpetbag?
Constable: Yes, exactly. I mean I-I-I'm thrilled that she used some of the ideas we came up with together: the- the ghost of a murdered child, the lady in white, the headless man and whatnot, but there's something else here.
Constable: What's that?
Constable: Well, she's turned the character into a spunky orphan found in a carpetbag who's prone to flights of fancy. Henry, Anne of Green Gables is me!

[last lines]
Inspector: You have to give the bugger credit for his guts, though. Not many men would have fallen on his sword for a friend.
Detective: Actually, sir, he seemed... relieved, to get it off of his chest.
Inspector: is that how you felt? Confessing about Constance Gardiner?
Detective: I suppose so. Yes. I did break the law.
Inspector: You chose justice over the law. You did right, Murdoch. By her... and by me. Good night.
Detective: Good night, sir.

Inspector: Bugger that, Murdoch! You think she's innocent based on nothing but your own intuition.
Detective: But what use is that? Intuition isn't a reliable basis to form an opinion.

Constable: Maybe this place is haunted.
Ruth: Don't be silly. Why would a ghost want to live *here*?

Terrence: Gentlemen, the winds of war never truly die down.

Dr. Julia Ogden: [to Dr. Emily Grace] We should go back and join the party before they tear each other's eyes out.

Inspector: That factory bread can't hold a candle to Margaret's home-baked.
Constable: Well, perhaps, sir, but it's awfully convenient for people who are too busy to toil at the oven.
Inspector: Too lazy, you mean. Next thing you know they'll be slicing it up for you.
Constable: Sir! That's a fantastic idea! I've never got the hang of slicing a piece of bread, sir.
[holds up a wedge-shaped slice]
Constable: Look, it always comes out like that. A-a-and the end piece, that's a recipe for self-injury. Sliced bread would be the greatest thing since... since...

Winifred: What the hell kept you? I've been tapping my foot for forty minutes.
Detective: How'd you know?
Winifred: You released me in order to follow me. But you didn't. Then I remembered the ridiculous shoe mark you invented to get my shoe from me. You might also want to consider what you leave on your blackboard,

Eddie: You fancy a pint?
Detective: No, I'm still on duty. Perhaps another time.
Eddie: Oh, yeah, the body's still the Lord's temple, eh, Will?

Detective: [In the pub] You're an intinuitive bugger, aren't you?
Detective: I do hope so.

Detective: Why would a man who's clearly right-handed write with his left hand?
Inspector: Because he's mad as a box of frogs!

[first lines]
Inspector: Listen up, everyone. I'd like to introduce my nephew, Charlie Brackenreid. He's just arrived from London and has passed his training day with flying colours. Make him feel at home but don't go too easy on him.
Constable: Always good to have another man on the blue team. George Crabtree.
Charlie: Pleased to meet you, Crabtree.
Detective: Detective William Murdoch. Welcome to Station House Number 4. I hope our fair city won't disappoint.
Charlie: Thank you, sir. Very happy to be here.

Fouad: [angrily to Rutherford] You can keep me out, but you never can keep out the curse of my ancestors.

Inspector: I find it hard to believe that such a precise model was built by an imbecile!
Constable: [Trying to be politically correct] Ooooh-sir, uh, I believe such people as Lydia are no longer referred to as imbecile. It's felt to be demeaning. The correct term nowadays is moron.

[first lines]
Francis: Help. help! Oh. Help! Somebody help me! Oh! Somebody help me!

Constable: This is the Earth and Dragon Society.
Detective: And its purpose?
Constable: [reading his notes] "To further appreciate the mysteries of China," apparently.
Detective: In other words, to smoke opium.

[first lines]
Lillian: Abolish the tyranny of corsetry.

[first lines]
Inspector: [on phone] I will do immediately. Thank you.
[hangs up]
Inspector: Crabtree! In here!
Constable: Sirs?
Inspector: Pack up your desk.
Constable: Excuse me?
Inspector: And buy a suit. Davis's Station House Number 3 wants you as his detective. You start in two weeks.
Constable: Sir! Truly?
Detective: Detective Crabtree. Congratulations.
Constable: [laughing] Detective Crabtree. I like the sound of that.
Inspector: No time to celebrate; we've got to get to the polls. Margaret's waiting.
Detective: Oh, sir, I already voted. In the advance polls, in case I was detained on an investigation.

Inspector: [unconditionall offering $10,000 toward the ransom] Mr. Stanton, you're a gentleman, sir.
Henry: [modestly] If you insist sir.

Inspector: The neighborhood's coming up, Mr. Chilton. Rents must be a fortune these days.
Mr. Chilton: Quite right, Inspector; tough luck for my tenants.
Inspector: You own the building?
Mr. Chilton: I do.
Inspector: How does a barber end up owning the whole building?
Mr. Chilton: Simple. I save ten percent of my earnings and I never buy anything frivolous. Why put a new floor in when you can throw down a rug?
Inspector: Tell that to the wife.
Mr. Chilton: [chuckles] How are you planning for your future, Inspector?
Inspector: I put my extra money in Margaret's cookie jar at the end of the month.

Inspector: James, stop this! Give yourself up.
James: I'm sorry, Inspector. I believe I have the right to remain violent.

Dr. Julia Ogden: Why does our hotel need a detective?
Detective: I believe you and I living here may have had something to do with that.

[last lines]
Dilbert: Every piece of paper in every file folder is to be punched and placed in a two-hole binder in concordance with the index.
Chief: And how many file folders are there?
Dilbert: Well, you can see for yourself.
[he slides a door aside revealing a very long aisle of shelves filled with folders]
Chief: Bloody hell!
Dilbert: That'll be ten cents.
Chief: How much!
Dilbert: [somewhat cowed] Per expletive.

Constable: [to Detective William Murdoch] Dr. Dempsey has all these cut up brains in jars, which of course are very eerie, but also can't help remind me of my Aunt Rosa's pickled cauliflower.

Chief: I hear you've released Wallace.
Inspector: Bloody communist. I don't fancy feeding him any more free lunches.

[last lines]
Inspector: Oh, and Murdoch, we'd best watch our backs. Giles' beady eyes are on us both.

Detective: George, the Russian men you mentioned with this delegation?
Constable: There *were*.
Detective: Where are they?
Constable: I'm sorry, my mind was on the match.
Inspector: Bloody hell, Crabtree. You had one job.
Constable: Well, two, actually.

[last lines]
Dr. Julia Ogden: Welcome.
Constable: Thank you for the kind invitation, Dr. Ogden.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Pleased to have you, George.
Constable: Uh, hope you don't mind; I brought a guest.
Nina: So delighted to have been included in your little soiree.
Inspector: Crabtree.
Margaret: Thomas.
Hermione: Not again.
Constable: Everyone, meet my new sweetheart, Miss Nina Bloom.

Inspector: So when are you marrying him?
Dr. Julia Ogden: Soon.
Inspector: Good. You know what's a shame? If he wasn't a bloody papist, they would have given him *my* job.

Dr. Julia Ogden: [Reading storybook] Now, Little Red Riding Hood knew it wasn't her grandmother's voice.
Davey: Did you know her?
Dr. Julia Ogden: Oh, yes. She once loaned me her cape when it was cold out.
Rosie: Then the wolf would have eaten you, too.
Dr. Julia Ogden: The wolf and I had an understanding: He wouldn't eat me, and I wouldn't eat him.

Terrence: So... what is it exactly about our humble little country that you want so badly?
Allen: Have you heard of Svante Arrhenius?
Detective: The Swedish scientist who predicted that carbon dioxide emitted from coal burning would warm global temperatures by eight degrees by the end of the century.
Allen: In a hundred years when America is nothing but a boundless desert, Canada will have the ideal climate. How could I not do everything I could to save my country?

Lillian: [about Murdoch] Is that the man Dr. Ogden surrendered her political aspirations for?
Dr. Emily Grace: He is.
Lillian: Bit of a stick-in-the-mud.

Inspector: Bloody hell, Crabtree. You just let James Pendrick's killer get away.

[last lines]
Dr. Julia Ogden: William! What are you doing here?
Detective: Julia, I, I have something to ask you.
[goes down on one knee]
Detective: Julia...
Dr. Julia Ogden: William!
Detective: I sincerely hope that you could make me the happiest...
Dr. Julia Ogden: No, William!
Detective: ...Man. Just a moment. By agreeing to...
Dr. Julia Ogden: [in tears] William, I'm sorry. I ca- I just can't.
Detective: What?
Dr. Julia Ogden: I...
[Julia enters her house and closes the door]
Detective: Julia. Julia. Julia! Open the door! Julia, please, let me in! Julia! Julia, please!

Dr. Roberts: I've been diagnosed with Huntington's Chorea.
Dr. Julia Ogden: The degenerative nerve condition?
Dr. Roberts: It's inevitable. My father had it.
Detective: [sympathetically] I'm terribly sorry.
Dr. Roberts: [with resignation] Hmmm... One must play with the cards one is dealt.

[last lines]
Detective: [to Julia, as the crowd sings "Joy to the World"] Lovely.

Inspector: [as the dead body is turned over] It's not Murdoch. That's a relief.
Detective: [sarcastically indicating the corpse] Not for him.

Constable: I just don't think it's possible that Miss Bloom would be involved in something this *dastardly*.
Detective: If you are uncomfortable, you may excuse yourself from this case.
Constable: I think I'll stay, sir. It's quite rare to see you make a mistake.

Chief: There is no greater stain on the face of hockey than the specter of professionalism.
Inspector: Greater than cold-blooded murder?

Mrs. Jean Palmerston: He paid using a brand new ten dollar bill. You don't see many of those.

Mary: Detective, it's very difficult to be a female paleontologist.

Inspector: Talkative! He's got more bloody rabbit than all of Margaret's female relatives put together, Murdoch.

Constable: He criticized her for writing about things she couldn't possibly know about. Like clouds. Which I think is unfair. I've never seen God, but I know what he looks like.
Detective: [Taken aback] Really?
Constable: Of course. Big white beard. Heavy eyebrows. Never smiles.
Constable: Bald?
Constable: Bald? Well, I wouldn't think so. If you were the supreme being of the universe, would you choose to walk around with a naked pate?

Rebecca: Dr. Ogden has told me that you are a Catholic.
Detective: Yes.
Rebecca: Catholics face some measure of prejudice in our world. Quite unfairly, I imagine.
Detective: One difference, I suppose, is that people can't tell that I'm a Catholic just by looking at me.
Rebecca: What do you do when you encounter such treatment, detective?
Detective: I know the truth about myself, Miss James, and I know that no matter what someone might say or think about me, I must be the strongest and the best version of myself that I can possibly be.
Rebecca: So go along to get along?
Detective: No. No. Simply be *better* than anyone who might hate you.

[first lines]
Detective: Doctor?
Dr. Emily Grace: Given the position of the body, drowning appears most likely. Of course I will have to complete my examination for certainty.
Detective: And what have you, George?
[Crabtree just gazes at Emily]
Detective: George?
Constable: Sir, uh, this was lying next to the unfortunate lady's body.
[hands Murdoch a piece of paper]
Detective: [reads] Mrs. Harriet Fuller, three-oh-one A River Street.
Constable: River Street is just beyond that ridge of trees.
Detective: Right. We'll leave you to it, doctor.

Thomas: I don't need to lie to prove that I'm smarter than those... those... People less smart than I.

Constable: Sir, how can this be an inside job if both inside men are dead?
Detective: Because there's something else at work here, George, that we hadn't thought of... a third man.

David: [about Ben] Such an annoying child. I have taken quite a shine to him.

Inspector: [with some annoyance] You've got guts, Crabtree... not much in the way of brains... but guts.

Dr. Julia Ogden: [on her latest pregnancy] Unfortunately breastfeeding is not a proper form of contraception.
Elsie: Tell that to my husband.

Lady: [sees Brackenreid's painting] Now this is quite something.
Inspector: It's not finished yet.
Lady: Oh I can see that. But I can also see something else. This was painted by a man... a real man. You are?
Inspector: Inspector Thomas C. Brackenreid.
Lady: Pleasure, Inspector. How long have you been painting?
Inspector: Just over an hour.
Lady: [both laughing] And quick-witted as well.
[asking Mr. Foster]
Lady: Where, heavens, did you find this jewel?

Helmut: Men and women live together in understanding and acceptance. The body is not forbidden when it is unclothed. In our natural state, all perversions dissipate. It is utopia.

Detective: You boys work here at the factory?... A man was murdered here last night... Did any of you see anything?... Go near the body maybe?
Constable: Anything you could tell us would be helpful, lads.
Charlie: We weren't there, SIR!
Detective: [the boy laugh derisively] That's interesting beause we have proof your shoes were. How do you suppose they got here without you in them?

Inspector: I made you angry earlier.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Yes.
Inspector: I don't know why.
Dr. Julia Ogden: The Inspector was being archaic and thick-headed and you just stood there
Inspector: Julia... that was your argument. And for me to jump in as though you aren't strong enough to handle yourself in the situation somewhat defeats that argument
Dr. Julia Ogden: Well, I only wanted your support.
Inspector: And you have it. Completely. But I will not rescue you, Julia, because from everything I know about you... you don't need it.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Your logic is infuriating.
Inspector: Not just a little bit winsome?
Dr. Julia Ogden: Perhaps a little.
Inspector: Good.

[last lines]
Constable: You know, if I was going to do something like this, I would set up shop out in the middle of the desert somewhere.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Some place like California.
Constable: Exactly.
Detective: The Territory of New Mexico, that'd be my pick.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Oh yes, William, that's a splendid choice.
Inspector: Ah, you're all crackers. Wales! Now no-one in their right mind would go there.
[laughs]

Constable: [on his way out of his shift at the police station, sees Murdoch coming in] Oh, sir. Is there anything else you'll be needing this evening?
Detective: I believe that's all. Thank you, George.
Constable: Okay. Well, I'll see you tomorrow.
[turns]
Detective: [sniffs after Crabtree] G-George. Is that lavender I smell?
Constable: [smiles, stretches out his arms] Cleanliness, sir. Next to godliness.
[walks away]
Detective: I'll remember that.

Constable: I think the idea of Henderson giving up his companionship in a fake manoeuvre difficult to believe.
The: I'm telling the truth. I couldn'ta killed him.
Constable: All right. Lying is one thing; attacking the integrity of the great sport of wrestling, that is quite another.

Inspector: [referring to the footprints] ... the man could be involved'
Jimmy: Maybe... maybe not.
Inspector: What makes you say that?
Jimmy: [looking at the footprints] Because now the tracks go the other way... and he was running.
Inspector: Well, yea, he was fleeing the scene of the crime...
Jimmy: ...or running for his life.

Constable: You can have Hendrickson; he lives almost ten miles out of town
Constable: Oh, I'm aware of that.
Constable: Then why would you volunteer?
Constable: Because he lives right next to Mrs. Hempshire's Finishing School.
Constable: Mary Lawrence went there.
Constable: Did she?
Constable: For a time. She left; she said the women there were of easy virtue.
Constable: Oh, indeed? And if I recall correctly, today's laundry day. I remember once Jackson and I had to reprimand a couple of them for wandering around in their unmentionables.
Constable: Did you?
Constable: Yes, and they were from France. The, the unmentionables, Parisian undergarments.
Constable: Well, allow me to save you the trip.
Constable: Hmh?
Constable: I could use a brisk bicycle ride.
[Higgins leaves]
Mark: It's a shame... you don't have a fence that needs paintin'.
Constable: That was last summer, sir.

[last lines]
[Rebecca has just kicked a ball to Brackenreid]
Inspector: Not bad, Miss James... for a lady.
Rebecca: Who knows, Inspector, maybe one day there'll be a team of Canadian women vying for Olympic gold.
Inspector: [chuckles] That'll be the day. Come on, John; let's go get a medal.

Bobby: Detective Murdoch for the win. Right, father?
Inspector: Well, I suppose anything's possible.

[first lines]
Dr. Emily Grace: [entering theater] This should be good.
Inspector: Better be.
[picks up headphones]
Inspector: What the devil is this?
Detective: Some sort of listening device?
Inspector: Hmph.
Constable: We all have them.
Detective: Mr. Pendrick certainly seems intent on making a splash.

Detective: He asked about the symptoms?
Dr. Julia Ogden: He knows something. He could be a problem.
Detective: If all goes according to plan, it will be over tonight.

Detective: And this is?
Hilda: Toronto Adelphean Society, modelled after an American fraternity for women founded in 1851. Amazingly, the Americans began educating their women long before we did.

Inspector: [to Murdoch about the chief suspect's multiple personalities] Look, I don't care if this is coming from Maddy, Charlotte, or the latest incarnation of Genghis Khan - just get the truth out of her!

[first lines]
Constable: Terribly exciting isn't it, sir.
Detective: Why is that, George?
Constable: Well, one of these young ladies, sir, is planning to become Mrs. Rodney Strong, now that his family have deemed it time that he settle down and marry. That's him there, sir.
Detective: Oh.
Constable: Although rumor has it that he's been peculiarly uninterested in entertaining the company of young ladies up to this point.
Detective: Oh. Is he...?
Constable: Shy, sir, extremely shy. An unusual trait given that he's widely considered the most eligible bachelor in the entire City of Toronto. The whole country, I bet.

Constable: [to Higgins] And you're wrong about Dr. Grace. She's a modern woman, and in the new century relationships will be defined by a meeting of the minds, and I, my friend, am a 20th Century man.

Detective: [as they stand at the bar in a sleazy saloon] You know, you're the only woman in this bar who isn't engaged in the entertainment of men.
Anna: [flirtatiously] Am I not entertaining?

Inspector: Well, aren't I a lucky sod, working with a detective who's so good that he's got two different people confessing to the same murder. So which one did it?

[first lines]
Trainer: Yours, man, he's all yours. You have to think.
Constable: I'd place a bet on George Dixon, if I were you, Jackson.
Constable: It's illegal, Henry, we're constables.
Constable: We are off-duty constables.
Constable: Even so, I'd rather enjoy the fight unfettered.
Constable: Okay, but Little Chocolate is sure to win; he's pound for pound the finest fighter there is. He's Canadian, no less. It's almost unpatriotic not to bet.
Constable: Then why don't *you* bet on him, Henry.
Constable: Don't have any more money on me.
Constable: [laughs] What a surprise.
Constable: I gave it all to George for the Inspector's bachelor party.
Constable: That is not an excuse; I contributed too.
Constable: I doubt Inspector Murdoch even wants a bachelor party.

Inspector: [to Murdoch] Why do you always dress up simple concepts in five dollar words?

Sally: My Dear Burt, the difference between the dead masters and you moderns is that the dead have better manners.

Inspector: Not to be delicate, sir, but the lodge is an exclusive club, and where there is exclusivity, there are often secrets, and when there are secrets, there are those willing to do anything to keep them.

Constable: It appears to be a pig-like creature!
Detective: Pig-like?
Constable: Sir, I don't think we should assume the entity is of this planet.

Jean: Constable Crabtree.
Constable: Ah, Miss Hamilton, what a... surprise. Can I help you?
Jean: I certainly hope so. The constabulary must shut that place down immediately.
Constable: What place is this?
Jean: They call it "The Blind Pig," but a den of iniquity is what it is. They play the devil's music, and couples dance in a most unseemly manner.
Constable: Unseemly?
Jean: I haven't seen it with my own eyes, thank the Lord. But I have it on good report that men and women are... touching - in public!
Constable: Well, Miss Hamilton, it's dancing; there's going to be some degree...
Jean: [interrupting him] But it's the way they do it.
Constable: I see.
Jean: I hardly dare imagine what else goes on in that place. Licentious music breeds all manner of vice. It must be stopped before the whole city is infected.

[first lines]
Lionel: So, what does Mr. Dawkins want to talk about?
Arthur: I don't know. Wouldn't say a word to me.
Brenda: he has been acting oddly at ;eave.
Lionel: That's because he's an odd duck.
[Dawkins enters]
Lionel: So, what's on your mind, Richard.
Richard: Not everyone's here yet.

Winifred: You carry that everywhere?
Detective: Oh, it's Constable Crabtree's idea. He believes it useful for organizing one's thoughts while travelling. A lap-board he calls it.
Winifred: I'll stick with my pad.

Frank: I love that Canada. McGuire's, am I right?
Detective: About what?
Dr. Julia Ogden: McGuire's *beer*, William. Brewed in Toronto.
Frank: Damn right! Stronger beer for stronger people.

Inspector: Bloody Hell! Maybe there really is a ghost.
Detective: Sir, you really don't believe that, do you?
Inspector: I grew up near the Yorkshire Moors. There's more ghosts than sheep.

Dean: [to the maid] Thank you.
[long pause]
Verna: Is something wrong?
Dean: Nothing new, I'm afraid.
Verna: Must we have this discussion each and every week?
Dean: [sighs] At thirty years of age your time to discuss is nearly run out.
Verna: Thank you, Dean. You certainly know how to charm a lady. I'm sorry you're so discontented.
Dean: Wanting to try for a son is hardly a crime.
Verna: [seeing Veronica, who has just entered the room] Let's get you into bed. Come, turn around, let's go.

Rebecca: You must be Mrs. Thomson.
Gloria: If you could, wouldn't you do the same?
Rebecca: I never wanted to be white.
Gloria: I didn't want to be *white*. I just wanted to be free.

Constable: I'm think I might introduce Effie to my family.
Constable: You don't have a family.
Constable: Yes, I do. Higgins, my aunts!
Constable: Aren't most of them on the lam?
Constable: Perhaps two of them. Or perhaps three of them. I think there's a warrant out for Fern... again.

Dr. Isaac Tash: [In a threatening manner] You're going to wish you had left this alone.
Detective: [with certitude] I'll be the judge of that.

Detective: You found a witness?
Detective: You can't find witnesses if there aren't any witnesses.
Detective: [dryly sarcastic] I'll make a note of that.

[last lines]
Dr. Julia Ogden: How did it come to this?
Detective: I made a deal with the devil... and then I broke it.

Constable: Everything seems to be quite the same. The chloroform, the newspapers, the victim's... vintage, roughly
[pointing at the old victim]
Constable: .

Inspector: [Referring to Dr. Fitch] Of course the slimy little sod can't be trusted, but we still act on a bit of information when in corroboration with a bit we got before.

Dr. Emily Grace: I myself am fascinated by motorcars. I hope to own one some day.
Inspector: [laughing] Bloody hell. First you want the vote, and now you want to drive. Women want all the privileges of being a man without any of the pain.
Dr. Emily Grace: Inspector.
Inspector: Besides, a woman driving an automobile! I think they're dangerous enough already, thank you very much.
Dr. Emily Grace: Automobiles or women?

Inspector: The Holy Grail? In Markham? Ontario?
Detective: We're positing a theory, sir.
Dr. Iris Bajjali: A very =compelling theory.
Detective: I'm not entirely convinced myself, but...
Inspector: Good! because it's bloody crackers. That's what King Arthur and his knights were after, isn't it?
Detective: According to legend, yes.
Inspector: Then what's it doing in bloody Markham?
Dr. Iris Bajjali: What was it doing in bloody England?

Dr. Llewllyn Francis: [With resentment toward Murdoch] You know, Detective, from the first day I arrived, you have almost without exception shown a complete lack of faith in me. I'd like to ask you now why the hell that is.
Detective: It's not a lack of faith in you.

Detective: [Referring to the desiccated body that has fallen through the ceiling during a live performance of "Macbeth"] Must have made quite an entrance!
Inspector: [Sarcastically] Audience lapped it up. Ignorant sods thought it was part of the play.
Dr. Julia Ogden: What play is that?
Inspector: The Scottish play.
Detective: Scottish play? I thought it was Macbeth.
Inspector: Murdoch! You don't say the real name in a theatre. The play's a bit cursed.
Detective: [looking at the corpse] So it would seem.

Dr. Julia Ogden: William, it's much more fun to believe in possibility than to be discouraged by the improbability.

Inspector: [Looking at te provocative photos of the murdered girl] Let me see these. Hmmmm...
Inspector: [Holding one up o see it better] Nice!
Detective: [Amused but critical of what he perceives is the Inspector's lacivious reaction] Inspector... really!
Inspector: I was referring to the quality of the work. The composition is professional, and the paper stock is... oh, wel, the paper stock is top-notch.
Constable: [Chirping in] The paper stock, sir - first thing I noticed.

[first lines]
Constable: What a way to die. Mauled to death.
Constable: Henry... you don't know that's what happened.
Constable: You didn't see it, George. Those terrible scratches on his face alone would let you know if you did.
Constable: Sir.
Detective: What have you, George?
Constable: Sir, the man who discovered him was checking his snares this morning. He seemed... surprised, a-a-almost disappointed to find that he'd snagged a human. Suppose he was expecting his dinner.

Lillian: Corsets are wretched creations. I don't wear one myself.
Dr. Emily Grace: Oh. I couldn't imagine not wearing a corset; I would feel so...
Lillian: Free?
Dr. Emily Grace: Exposed. And improper; I work with men.

[last lines]
Dr. Julia Ogden: He's ready.

[last lines]
Lillian: You must understand, Emily. My suffragette sisters are all I have.
Dr. Emily Grace: I do understand. It's just... sometimes the way you behave... you frighten me.
Lillian: I frighten you?
Dr. Emily Grace: You will do anything for the cause.
Lillian: Not just for the cause.
Dr. Emily Grace: I, I doubt I have your passion.
Lillian: You do! You lead by example.
Dr. Emily Grace: It doesn't feel like enough.
Lillian: Then do more. Lead by action instead.
Dr. Emily Grace: I want to go corset-free.
Lillian: Now, *that* I can help you with.

Justice: You sucked a man's guts out?
Terrence: It was a matter of practicality. A means to an end.

[last lines]
Dr. Emily Grace: So, I suppose this is it.
Constable: Suppose it is.
[he tips a porter to take Emily's suitcase]
Constable: Thank you.
[Emily and Crabtree hug]
Constable: You have to let go, Emily.
Dr. Emily Grace: But what if I don't want to, George? What if... what if this is a mistake?
Constable: Then that's what you need to find out. Right?
Dr. Emily Grace: Good-bye, George Crabtree.
Constable: Good-bye, Emily Grace.

Constable: We located a patron who last checked out a book the night Miss Messing disappeared.
Detective: Ah, did you get a name?
Constable: Yes, sir. "Little Friends With Feathers".
Detective: [sighs] The patron, George.

Inspector: If there is a ghost, I want it haunting my jail cell!

[first lines]
Voice: [gasps] Help.
[gasps]
Voice: Help.
[gasps]
Voice: Help.

Special: [Asking about the decedent liquor baron's main product] What's rye?
Constable: Rye is like bourbon, only good.

Inspector: I have to ask you where you were when the shot was fired.
Annie: I was in my tent. Alone. But I didn't shoot Jaws. Oh, if I'd 'a shot him I'd 'a aimed a lot lower than his teeth.

[last lines]
Detective: I'm not entirely sure I can envy a future where everyone wastes their lives staring at a screen watching made-up stories.

Dr. Emily Grace: This was no random killing.
Detective: What makes you say that?
Dr. Emily Grace: He's missing a thumb.
Detective: Huh.
Inspector: We've a man with a thumb to spare lying in the morgue.

Detective: George, this is not a murder. This is canicide.
Constable: Exactly, sir. Like homicide or suicide. An unlawful killing.
Detective: But there's no law against the killing of an animal. You know that. Now stay with her and help her bury the dog.
Edith: Bury him? Without a funeral?

Constable: The Rat Portage Thistles have this smooth-skating cover point, Hod Stewart. If the Ottawa Hockey Club can sign him next year, they'll win the Stanley Cup.
Armstrong: Not possible, Crabtree. Too much infighting in Ottawa.
Constable: Armstrong, you clearly don't know the first thing about hockey. Sometimes I wonder why I even talk...
[sees Laurier]
Sir: I'm here to talk to Detective Murdoch.
Armstrong: And you would be?
Constable: For the love of Pete, Armstrong, it is the Prime Minister, man! Sir, right this way.
[slaps paper on desk]
Constable: That's called a newspaper, Armstrong. Try reading one.

Margaret: I know what you're doing, Thomas. You don't have to fuss over me.
Inspector: Anything I can do to put a smile on my wife's face is no fuss at all.

Detective: It would appear we have our prime suspect in this murder case - me.

Detective: [after finishing sieving for human bones, Watts dusted the ashes off his work hat] Woah... woah. Detective, has it occurred to you that we are... covered in... human remains?
Detective: Eh, y... yes, it... it had, detective, but I had hoped to... keep it unspoken.
Detective: Umm hmm.

Inspector: I'll have a beer, and I'll take the chicken, please.
Chef: Agh, all out.
Inspector: Well then, I'll take whatever you've got.
Chef: I'm sorry, sir. Kitchen has no food left.
Inspector: Bollocks. What kind of restaurant has no food?
Chef: You're welcome to come see for yourself.All we have left is the
[grabs a passing kitchen worker carrying a bucket]
Chef: refuse.from the chicken special.
Inspector: What refuse?
Chef: Well, the wings.
[the worker shows Brackenreid the contents of his bucket]
Chef: Inedible.
Inspector: At this point I'd eat the bloody feathers. Fry 'em up.
Chef: Oh, but sir, they're just bone and skin.
Inspector: You're going to throw them away and I'm offering you good money instead.
Chef: Well, if you're sure...
Inspector: Go.

[last lines]
Gentleman: [picking up handkerchief] Excuse me, miss. You dropped this.
Eva: Oh, thank you.
[dabbing eyes]
Eva: Oh, oh.
Gentleman: Is everything all right?
Eva: Yes... No... My sweetheart left me.
Gentleman: I would say that man's a fool.
Eva: You're too kind, sir.
Gentleman: May I interest you in a cup of tea?
Eva: Yes. That would be lovely.

Detective: [after hearing that she will be leaving to take a job in Buffalo] Julia, I thought we had an understanding.
Dr. Julia Ogden: We do. I just don't know of what anymore.

Dr. Emily Grace: Whatever killed this man, it wasn't his heart.
Dr. Julia Ogden: But isn't is always the last thing you find that offers the answer?
Dr. Emily Grace: Quite true. Why do you suppose that is?
Dr. Julia Ogden: Likely the same reason that toast always lands butter side down.

Margaret: Lillian is a fellow member of the Socialist League. They've offered to run Julia as a candidate.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Am I not too well heeled for the Socialists?
Dr. Emily Grace: What about the Liberal Party?
Margaret: A woman as a Liberal candidate? In Ontario? Never.

Magnus: [commenting on the death of Oliver] A poor end to what was supposed to be a splendid evening.

[last lines]
Mark: Constable Crabtree, you strike me as a man with a nimble mind.
Constable: Well, thank you, sir.
Mark: [holding book 'The Curse of the Pharoah'] This work of yours shows some, some promise.
Constable: You read it?
Mark: I started it. Got any more in you?
Constable: I don't know; I haven't much felt like writing lately.
Mark: Ohhh, spent some time in the penitentiary, lost a, a fiancée.
Constable: Indeed.
Mark: Take it from me, son, reality can be beaten with enough imagination. Go to it.
Constable: Thank you, Mr. Twain.

Anna: [to Murdoch] A few months after you and I had our adventure in Bristol, I finally plucked up the courage to sail to New York. Joe was the best thing about that place. It's loud and filthy, and the people are horrible.

Detective: [trying to persuade Brackenreid] I'm sure they would accept you, sir, given your talents.
Inspector: They will be a bit tight-lipped around a police officer, don't you think?
Detective: Well, they are quite full of themselves. You know that world. And you might be able to find something I can use.
Inspector: Why don't you go?
Detective: I'm ill at ease around artistic types, not like you.
Inspector: [flattered] Well... , it's been a while since I picked up the bristles.
Detective: I'm sure you'll fit right in, given the immense talents...
Inspector: [interrupts Murdoch] I'll go, Murdoch, no need to keep shovelling.
Detective: Very good, sir.

Dr. Julia Ogden: William, you seem single-minded about your father's guilt.
Detective: [Densively] I'm no such thing.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Well, in any other case you would, uh, thoroughly investigate all other possibilities before assuming a suspect's guilt. Surely your father deserves the same treatment.
Detective: [Emphatically] My father deserves nothing!

Constable: [in the cellar] Anything in particular you're looking for, sir?
Detective: I don't know, Henry.Something happened down here 17 years ago. Something terrible, I suspect.
Constable: Well, it all seems on the up and up now, sir. Cement floor and all. You don't often see them in houses this old, do you, sir?
Detective: [realizing the floor has been paved over] No, no, you don't. In fact, I'll wager this was poured after the house was built. Henry, I want a couple of men with sledge hammers and shovels to excavate the ground under this floor. Tell them to be very careful when they dig.

Dr. Iris Bajjali: If all goes according to plan, I will be back among pyramids very soon, only this time in the Mexican rain forest - Chichen Itza.
Detective: Mayan ruins - how wonderful!
Dr. Iris Bajjali: You would like it, I think. The thrill of discovery is the same, regardless of what it is one discovers.

Chief: You walk a fine line, Detective Murdoch. Mind you don't stumble on it!

James: [to Detective William Murdoch] Which is a crueler punishment: to kill a man, or to destroy the most precious thing in his life? Which hurts more?

Inspector: A drop of tomato juice, one egg, ah. Maybe two eggs. A splash of hot sauce. Well stirred, and Bob's your uncle.

Detective: [reading threatening note left by criminal] My cloud of doom comes with advice: one hundred thousand is my price. A lack of funds will seal my plan: today, a mongrel; tomorrow, man.

Detective: We need to determine which boarders left without notice prior to that date.
Inspector: Looking for wayward boarding house tenants? Now there's a bloody needle in the haystack.

Detective: You must be tired.
Dr. Julia Ogden: I'm thoroughly exhausted.
Detective: Well then, I propose a light supper, an early night, and no files.
Dr. Julia Ogden: No files! How refreshing. Although I have to say, nothing is more exciting than working with you again... Well, maybe one thing.
Detective: Shall we, then?

Constable: Sir, I'm placing myself in your custody.
Inspector: Bloody hell. You'd better have a seat, and I'd better have a drink. So why am I arresting you?
Constable: 'Cause I am a scoundrel, sir, and a coward.
Inspector: And you have been for years, so what brings you here now?

Sister: When I was accepted as a novice, I was so happy. I knew that I'd be safe in God's house. How safe are we if a priest can be murdered here?

Detective: [Analyzing] Standard crossbow arrows. Robbery likely wasn't the motive.
Constable: What does it all mean, sir?
Detective: I don't know. It seems though the killer hunted his victim like an animal.
Constable: I mean so elaborate... with arrows and all!
Detective: Arrows are silent and less likely to draw attention, or maybe the killer was making a statement. The use of arrows would suggest the killer had a flair for the dramatic.

Detective: [to Buffalo Bill] Sir, the West is dead and gone. There's nothing left of it now but a carnival show.

[first lines]
Jeanette: How could you do that? To me! To everyone who believes in you! There are no secrets from God. he knows everything. He sees everything. Everything!
Father: Jeanette.
Jeanette: Read it for yourself. "Even also as I am known." There it is. Dans la Bible. Look!
Father: Jeanette, calme-toi.
Jeanette: You have to tell the truth. If you will not tell, then I will.
Father: Attends.
Jeanette: I must tell the truth.
Father: Jeanette.

Inspector: Well, let's round up the usual troublemakers.
Detective: Who would they be, sir?
Inspector: The Irish Catholics, of course.
Detective: Sir, I'm Catholic.
Inspector: Are you a troublemaker? Start with the known agitators, and let's see where we are...

Dr. Julia Ogden: The invitation said nothing about bringing a guest, William.
Detective: It said nothing about not bringing one either.

Detective: I don't think he fully appreciates the intricacies of my design, Julia.
Dr. Julia Ogden: He doesn't need to appreciate it to build it,surely. Uh, wasn't he a contractor on the King Edward Hotel?
Detective: Yes.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Well, that hasn't fallen down yet.

[last lines]
Detective: You have to look your best, little man; you're about to meet someone very special.
[Mr. Connor opens the door as Murdock approaches]
Detective: Mr. Connor.
Harold: Detective Murdoch.
[takes the baby]
Harold: He... he is a miracle.
Detective: Your son, Roland.
Harold: He's a... he's a lovely little man.
Detective: And it's been our honour to care for him.
Harold: You are the very best of people.
Detective: I have some things for him that you might find useful. I'll arrange to have them sent over.
Harold: I cannot thank you enough times.
Baby: [Roland gurgles at Murdoch] Da.
Baby: I wish you a long and happy life together.

Constable: ...you and I are thinking along the same lines.
Inspector: [sighs] That's a chilling thought, Crabtee!

[last lines]
Eva: You're here. Good. Oh, don't despair. It's what you want. Both you and I know that. Join me.

Inspector: I wish I could better understand the mind that did this.

Inspector: Well, if ever there was a debate over which came first, the day that hell freezes over or the day that pigs fly, this ends it.

Detective: Julia, I feel that without a post-mortem to establish the reason for Ben's death...
Dr. Julia Ogden: Dr. Falwell would never allow it... nor would Dr. Abbott... especially if one of them is involved.
Detective: Perhaps in this case it would be better to ask for forgiveness later than permission now.

Inspector: [Indicating Murdoch and Crabtree] They will be keeping a keen eye on the prince.
David: Excellent, the prince can be something of a...
Detective: ...pleasure seeker.
David: Yes, that's one way of putting it.
Detective: His reputation precedes him, Sir, but no need to worry; he'll be in good hands.
Inspector: Quite right. Detective Murdoch goes out of his way to avoid pleasure.

[last lines]
Detective: Migizi Pimise turned himself in yesterday. I suppose he knew someone would come looking for him.
Dr. Julia Ogden: And the people he was with?
Detective: They moved further north.
Dr. Julia Ogden: It won't go well for them, will it?
Detective: The silver will draw prospectors like moths to a flame. Migizi Pimise started a fight he couldn't possibly hope to win.
Dr. Julia Ogden: But surely they have a treaty that will protect them.
[Murdoch nods]
Dr. Julia Ogden: Let's get you to bed.
Detective: Our government is made of men of good conscience. Let's hope they honour it.
[Title: In 1903 silver was found near Cobalt, Ontario. The Provincial Government extinguished the Indian Land Title.

[last lines]
Dr. Julia Ogden: [voiceover as Rebecca James reads a note from her] Dear Miss James, may I suggest you look at chapter two on osteology. I think you may find it enlightening. Sincerely, Julia Ogden.

[last lines]
Detective: Julia. I *will* stand by you. If you divorce, I will marry you.
Dr. Julia Ogden: And your faith, how will you reconcile that?
Detective: I'll accept the consequences of my decision. No matter what the Church says, I refuse to believe that love, any love, could be wrong. And I love *you*.
Dr. Julia Ogden: And I you.

Detective: Might I suggest you stop by the Eaton's department store on your way home.
Constable: Eaton's, sir?
Detective: Yes. You'll find they boast the best that modern technology has to offer in their selection of alarm clocks.

Inspector: What is it with these Americans, plastering their flag over every conceivable surface?
Detective: National pride, sir. I dare say the British aren't much different.
Inspector: Yes, but our flag is subtle; powerful in its simplicity.

Detective: Ah, Doctor, have you news from the post-mortem?
Dr. Julia Ogden: Indeed, Miss Rowan didn't drown. The coroner found she died of an injected overdose of heroin. The needle went through her uniforminto her mid-back.
Detective: An unlikely place to inject oneself.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Precisely... she was murdered.

Winifred: So, is this what you do all day? Sit in your office and let your constables do you work for you?
Detective: One of the benefits of my position.
Constable: [Crabtree enters] Sir.
Winifred: There you go.

Constable: What? Higgins, you have only been courting her a short while. I've worn the same pair of socks longer.

The: [With flair, adressing the bank manager] You there... in the common suit and the cautious cravat, you must be the bank manager. To the vault, sir, and be quick about it. I do have appointments.

Bert: [on stage] I sat down next to a guy at the tavern, a chatty type. He told me that his mother-in-law was an angel. I said, "Lucky you. Mine's still alive." Now, but that's not entirely true; I do have a soft spot for my mother-in-law. It's right behind this theater in fact. I missed her at first, so I reloaded and tried again. That did it. Now, you can't blame me. She told me she always wanted to go down under; I just didn't realize 'down under' meant Australia 'til it was too late. Now she's six feet under. Not that she cared for me much either, though. She said that she was going to dance on my grave. I said that I hope you do 'cause I plan to be buried at sea. Thank you all very much. Thank you.

[last lines]
Dr. Julia Ogden: William.
Detective: Mn-mm.
Dr. Julia Ogden: I had an interesting conversation with the inspector today.
Detective: You did?
Dr. Julia Ogden: Indeed. You defused a bomb that could have caused a war?
Detective: I did.
Dr. Julia Ogden: A bomb affixed to a rocket.
Detective: Eh, yes.
Dr. Julia Ogden: So, a hero again.
[chuckles]
Dr. Julia Ogden: He told me something else, as well.
Detective: Well, the inspector certainly was talkative today.
Dr. Julia Ogden: You rode in a balloon and jumped out of it. In some kind of suit.
Detective: Mr. Pendrick assured me that it was safe.
Dr. Julia Ogden: And flew!
[sternly]
Dr. Julia Ogden: William Henry Murdoch, if you *ever* do something like that ever again... you had better take me with you.

Ronald: I had assumed Chauncy killed himelf.
Detective: Why assume that?
Ronald: Suidide runs in the family.

Margaret: I just made this. It's called eggnog. Try it.
[he takes a sip]
Margaret: What do you think?
Inspector: Waste of good rum.

Mayor: Have a word. He's gaining a reputation.
Inspector: You mean she is.
Mayor: No difference; they are man and wife, are they not?

Inspector: [about going to investigate a murder on an army base] Just mind that you stand your ground.
Detective: I'm sorry, sir.
Inspector: Well, in my experience the military takes care of its own. They won't enjoy the constabulary lookin' into their business.
Detective: I'll proceed with respect and authority of law.
Inspector: [Soberly] Authority first, Murdoch. Respect will follow.

[first lines]
Canoeist: [paddles up to a swan boat] Hello. Hello, Sir!
[the occupant is unresponsive]
Canoeist: Help!

Inspector: So our killer knocked Hahn on the head and left him with the engine running in an automobile stable.
Dr. Emily Grace: I believe they call them garages.
Inspector: Garage? What kind of word is that?
Dr. Emily Grace: French.
Inspector: Ooh, slimy Frenchies. They're even naming our barns now. They're bloody stables for bloody automobiles.

Inspector: [Speaking of Lillie dying from a hemorragic poison] It's just a horrible death.
Sally: I've seen a lot of women die horrible deaths. It just seems to come with the territory.

Constable: Oh, sir! You have to try one of these. I've had four already this morning; it's the damnedest stuff.
Inspector: What is it?
Constable: Coffee! I've only ever heard of it. Big in Europe, apparently.
Inspector: [Murdoch tastes it and grimaces] Terribly bitter.
Constable: I thought so too at first, but it grows on you.
Inspector: Why on earth would they serve this when we have tea? I don't see *this* catching on.
Constable: Oh, I wouldn't be so sure, sir.

Arthur: [Introducing Murdoch to Sara Pensall] This is Detective Murdoch of the Toronto Constabulary, who I can assure you is not a fictional creation.

Dr. Julia Ogden: I'm told you have the body.
Joseph: Yes.
Dr. Julia Ogden: [as she puts Roland in his pram] There we go.
Joseph: Such as it is.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Decomposition must be quite advanced at this point.
Joseph: Arthur died three months ago. I preserve him the best I could using salt But I am afraid he is not cutting as fine a figure as he once did.

Detective: He was a clockmaker?
Constable: No, lawyer, in fact. This seems to be something of a hobby of his. Some impressive work though.
Detective: Really?
Constable: Yes, for some of the pieces on the mantel here are particularly sophisticated. Do you know, sir, that I am a bit of a horologist myself? I made this pocket watch I am carrying?
[gets out his pocket watch to show Murdoch]
Detective: You made this, George?
[holding the pocket watch, surprised]
Constable: Yes, sir.
Detective: Does it work?
Constable: Yes. Well... at least twice a day.

[first lines]
Louise: Mr. Shanley! How does it feel to be a free man?
Gus: Incredible. I, I really can't describe it. I'm just... I'm so glad to have my life back.
Louise: Are you surprised the judge ruled in your favor?
Gus: I'm innocent. I fought this appeal myself because I knew if I stood before the Judge and showed him what was in my heart he'd have to set me free.

Inspector: You wanted to see me?
Lady: No...
[drops her gown to reveal her nakedness]
Lady: . I wanted you to see ME.
[lies on a chaise longue]
Lady: Paint me, Thomas.

Constable: When I was at the medical exposition, sir, I saw a prosthetic hand that ran on electricity.
Detective: Fully functional?
Constable: Yes, sir.
Detective: It must be the work of a great scientific mind.
Constable: Sir, it was uncanny. I wonder if the future will allow for electronic body parts to replace our hands or... hair.
Detective: Hair?
Constable: Well, yes, sir, a toupee of sorts, but if you're frightened, an electric charge will cause it to stand on end.

Inspector: Murdoch, what kind of man delivers a corpse to a police station?

Sarah: I know the pendant from the newspaper.
Detective: What was her name?
Sarah: Ellen Woods. How did she die?

Wu: It is a man's honor to fight for those he loves.

Dr. Julia Ogden: [Making an introduction] Mrs McPherson, this is my husband, William Murdoch.
Mrs. McPherson: Pleased to meet you.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Mrs McPherson is travelling to Victoria.
Mrs. McPherson: Oh, I'm not going as far as all that. I'm getting off in Winnipeg.
Detective: I'm sure that will be nice.
Mrs. McPherson: You haven't been, then, I take it.

[first lines]
Detective: [riding in a sleigh, she kisses him] Julia! The driver.
Dr. Julia Ogden: I'm sure he's seen it before. And much more I'd wager,
Detective: You're probably right.
[they kiss again]
Detective: It's almost Christmas.

Detective: I don't recall burying the body this close to the river, Julia.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Yes, well, according to the neighbors, the shoreline changes each year.
Constable: Sir?
Detective: What have you?
Constable: Looking at the size of these boots, I would say we're looking at a man.
Dr. Julia Ogden: It's not him. This is not my cadaver.
Detective: Are you sure, Julia?
Dr. Julia Ogden: The body I buried wasn't wearing boots.
Anne: What else are we gonna find?
[Miss Baxter digs something up]
Detective: What do you have there?
Anne: A bullet.
Detective: Murder, then.
Constable: Sir, it seems somebody is making foul use of your land.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Indeed. It seems we're harvesting bodies.

Sargeant: Based on rigor mortis, he was dead even before he found himself on those train tracks.
Detective: There's nothing like that in this report.
Sargeant: I base that assumption on my personal examination of Mr. Doakes' left arm at the crime scene.
Constable: His left arm? Sergeant, why his left arm?
Sargeant: Because it was the largest part of Doakes still imtact.

Alphonse: The purity of writing is achieved by effort. To electrify a typewriter changes it forever. Can you imagine the same being done to an instrument like this
[indicating his guitar]
Alphonse: ? It would be heresy.

[first lines]
Constable: Sir. These lads were on a training run when they discovered the body.
Detective: Training?
Constable: Yes, sir, for the upcoming Olympics in Paris, apparently.
Ralph: Well, even though the club isn't sponsoring any track athletes. Apparently they don't think we can beat the famous George Orton.
Dr. Emily Grace: Excuse me.
Ralph: Emily Grace. Fancy meeting you here.
Dr. Emily Grace: Ralph?
Ralph: It's been a long time. I haven't seen you since you...
Dr. Emily Grace: I called off my engagement, yes.
Detective: Doctor Grace!
Ralph: We miss you at the club.
Dr. Emily Grace: I must go.

James: Ladies and gentlemen, prepare to be amazed!
Inspector: Bugger always was full of himself.

Constable: You should try a trip to Paris, Henry. In fact it would be an excellent place for a honeymoon.
Constable: There is nothing wrong with Niagara Falls.

Inspector: [in the jail] It's a bit gloomy, isn't it?
Warden: Well, we're not running one of Mr. Kellogg's sanitoriums.

Detective: [to Tesla] The good news is the weapon will be fired. The bad news is the weapon will be fired.

Constable: Share the costs, sir. There must be dozens of Yorkies in Toronto who'd be willing to pay for real-time results. H- have Jackson call them out as they come in. Play by... play. All coming from a game five thousand miles away.
Inspector: You know, Crabtree, you have some daft ideas, but this one is bloody brilliant.
Constable: Agreed.

Ruby: Why are men so dim-witted when it comes to love?

Constable: [Referring to Rowena] Sir, you're not going to let her leave?
Detective: She's not leaving us, George. She's leading us.

Constable: [opening lines to Murdoch] Quite unexpected as you could imagine, sir. The nuns were about to lay Sister St. Ignatius to her final resting place when they noticed that her spot was, uh, well, it was spoken for, you might say, sir.

Professor: What laws have we broken?
Detective: To start with, it appears that you have violated the laws of physics.

Rabbi: Her name is Devra Begelman, and what she said meant nothing. It - well, it did mean something - just not the something I think it means.
Detective: I'm not sure I follow that.
Dr. Julia Ogden: I'm not sure it can be followed.

Detective: Mr Pendrick! I don't suspect you of anything!
James: Oh. Oh, that's refreshing.

[last lines]
Julia: William?
Inspector: Yes, Doctor?
Julia: Do you like coffee?
Inspector: Yes. Yes, I do.
Julia: Because the club makes the most delicious brew.
Inspector: Do they, now?
Julia: Imported from Turkey, in fact.
Inspector: That would be wonderful.

Detective: It's good work anyway, George.
Inspector: Good work! You're going to turn him into another bloody Murdoch.

[last lines]
[At a cemetery, Detective Murdoch's father has just been buried. After speaking with Inspector Brackenreid and Constable Crabtree, Murdoch stands by the grave, and Julia joins him]
Dr. Julia Ogden: It's a good thing you did for him, William.
Detective: What's that?
Dr. Julia Ogden: He carried his guilt his whole life. That couldn't be undone. You were able to bring it to light.
Detective: Only after he'd died.
Dr. Julia Ogden: But he wanted to confess, before he died. That's why he wanted to come and see you. He decided to do the right thing.
Detective: And he did sacrifice himself for it. I suppose I should admire him for that. If only he'd done it sooner.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Well, he could have walked into any station house to confess. He wanted to see *you*, because you were both seeking the same thing: resolution, reconciliation.
Detective: And now we'll never have it.
Dr. Julia Ogden: No. But perhaps the fact that you both wanted it is enough.
[Julia departs the gravesite, leaving William to contemplate silently]

[last lines]
Dr. Julia Ogden: Mr. Holmes, should you like to talk at any time, my office is always open.
Sherlock: No, thank you, doctor. I'm quite partial to the hat. Until next time.
[Kingsley leaves]
Dr. Julia Ogden: He is a remarkably good detective.
Detective: Remarkably good?
Dr. Julia Ogden: Well,
[chuckles]
Dr. Julia Ogden: *almost* as good as the *great* Detective Murdoch.
Detective: Dr. Ogden, shall I escort you home?
Dr. Julia Ogden: It would be my pleasure.

Mr. Foster: We do expect a certain... standard.
Tom: I can vouch for Mr. Brackenreid's work. He is talented amateur.
Inspector: [loses his smile] Thank you, Mr. Thomson.

Detective: And the time of death?
Dr. Julia Ogden: Between two and four last night.
Detective: That's consistent with what I thought.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Does that trouble you?
Detective: That means he climbed into the tree before the field was plowed, waited all day and most of the night, before hanging himself, and, in my experience, suicidal individuals, if given enough time, will likely change their minds.

Constable: I'm terribly sorry, sir; he got away.
Detective: Are you all right?
Constable: [rubbing his head] He got me in my least vulnerable part, sir.

Detective: When you broke down the door, this is how you found Mr. Grimesby?
Stanley: Face down in his own filth! Fitting I'd say!

[first lines]
Edith: Horace, dear, lunch is ready. Where are you? Would you like me to bring it to you? Horace! Ah, there you are. Are you napping? Wake up, Horace; I've brought you your lunch. Horace? Horace? Horace! Ah, ah, ah...
[she screams]

Dr. Emily Grace: Good day, Inspector. A fresh corpse and a crime scene; what more could one ask for?

[last lines]
Detective: Good-bye, Mr. Gillies.

Ruth: Of course, he is a brilliant man, we all know that. And dashing. And he could charm a fish straight into a skillet. Oh, and he is so, so handsome.

Detective: I was asked to vacate Station 1. Personality issue. Mine. I suppose.

Inspector: So, what exactly happened to this little chap then?
Detective: If I'm correct, the plug that killed this squirrel was used to hold the explosive inside the bat which must have been hollowed out.
Inspector: So when the ball hit the bat...
Detective: It triggered the explosion which blew the plug out with... some velocity.
Inspector: So poor little Sammy here was an innocent bystander. Well, that's tragic.

Constable: You ever dream about joining the circus as a boy?
Detective: No, I didn't, George.
Constable: I did. It's because I'm an adventure seeker, which is why I became a cop apparently. At least that's what Lady Minervaa said.
Detective: Lady Minerva?
Constable: She's the gypsy fortune teller.
Detective: I highly doubt she's a true fortune teller, George.
Constable: Oh, sir, I believe she is. She knew I was a foundling, and she wasn't guessing. It was in the cards.
Detective: Did she have anything relevant to say about the case?
Constable: She believes the tiger is innocent.
Detective: All animals are innocent, George, humans excepted.

Detective: I think the Bandit's actions were intended as a mocking gesture to all of us.
John: I'm all too aware of that, Detective. Now do something about it, for God's sake! I've been made a laughing stock.
[He leaves]
Inspector: Not much of a challenge there.

Constable: Miss Bloom, I'm here to speak... I'm, I'm actually hear to speak to Lydia Hall about Gerald Sloan.
Nina: Ah. All business I see. Well, she's not here yet.
[she sits on his lap]
Nina: Mm, you're at Station Number 4?
Constable: Yes.
Nina: Then that's where I'll telephone you.
[she gets up and starts to leave]
Constable: Ahem, When Miss Hall arrives?
Nina: Mm-hm. Then too.

[last lines]
Constable: Sir! Still looking for your travel journal?
Historian: Well, the trail has gone cold. But I am not one to give up.
[Crabtree pulls a drawing from a garbage can]
Historian: The C.N. Tower!
Constable: It looks like a space-ship on a stick.
Historian: Once the world's tallest free-standing structure, built right here at Front and John.
Constable: You, my friend, have a vivid imagination.
Historian: I didn't dream this stuff up. And now I must stay the course. Canada's turning a hundred and fifty and I am not going to miss the party.
[He walks away whistling]
Constable: Did he say Canada's turning a hundred and fifty?
Constable: He did.

Detective: I've never understood the appeal of alcohol, sir. It impedes the brain's ability to function, making it impossible to think clearly.
Inspector: Well, that's just it, Murdoch. Don't you ever want to relax and stop thinking for a couple of hours?
Detective: No.

Dr. Llewllyn Francis: [sarcastically after being asked a question by Murdoch] I'll know better when I've flushed and drained the wound back at the morgue, my home away from home... away from home.

Inspector: Wat are you doin' shootin' bloody arrows in yor office?
Detective: I thought it less disruptive than gunfire.

Alphonse: Murdoch can't be shot; it has to be Constable Tom.
James: Alphonse, I'm director, and what I say goes!
Alphonse: But, if you do it like that, it doesn't make any sense. In the third act, Tom is the one who has to get shot.
James: The audience won't care about Tom; Murdoch is the star.
Alphonse: But the ending won't make any sense at all.
James: It doesn't matter. There'll be a terrific chase scene.
Alphonse: Idiot!

Peter: [Talking about his murdered friend and glue factory business partner] Two fraternity brothers who wanted to conquer the world. Of course, we didn't know it would be the world of adhesives.

Judge: [Miss Martin is applying to represent the women] You are a lawyer, aren't you, Miss Martin? You're not having one over on me?
Clara: No, your honour. I'm the first female lawyer in all of the British Empire.
Judge: Wow. This could be quite something for you, Atkinson. I will permit it.
Crown: I... object to this, sir.
Judge: Don't be such a poor sport.

Inspector: [furious after Jerzy has ontemptuously spit on the floor in the interrogation room] Did you just gob on my floor!

[last lines]
Winifred: I only lied to save my friend. And lying is not a crime.
Detective: You buried a body.
Winifred: Prove it.
Detective: Well, I just might. But until then you're free to go. '
Winifred: Thank you.
Detective: Oh, uh, the Murphys may still have it in for you. You should watch your back.
Winifred: I will. William...
Detective: Yes.
Winifred: Thank you for watching mine.

Inspector: Crabtree, stop being such a happy dafty

Inspector: Any ideas?
Detective: Well, sir, if he's so scrupulous in not leaving us any clue as to his identity, perhaps we can bring the clue to him.
Inspector: Will that make any more sense if you say it a second time?

Dr. Julia Ogden: I didn't take you for a patriot, Inspector.
Inspector: Patriot?
Detective: Your tattoo, sir. Eighteen sixty-seven; the birth of Canada.
Inspector: Sod Canada. Eighteen sixty-seven is the birth of the Wednesday. Sheffield Wednesday Football Club.

Constable: Imagine one day they will make a telephone so small that you could carry it around with you.
Constable: It would never work. You'd be dragging wires all over town and trip the horses.

Diana: Just be sure to keep this place to yourselves; we wouldn't want to begin attracting the *right* sort of people.

Dr. Julia Ogden: Where did the statue come from?
Detective: No-one knows;. It certainly wasn't commissioned.
Dr. Julia Ogden: A nude *not* commissioned by our city fathers;
[chuckles]
Dr. Julia Ogden: why am I not surprised? I must say, it's very good; she looks almost real.
Detective: So perhaps she should be in a gallery, where the craftsmanship can be more fully appreciated.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Craftsmanship!
[laughing]
Dr. Julia Ogden: William, say what you really mean. She's bare naked in a city park; it's a civil outrage.
Detective: Which you seem to be thoroughly enjoying.
Dr. Julia Ogden: I certainly am. The stir is clearly what the artist intended.

Detective: It seems nothing is sacred these days!

Inspector: Sherlock bloody Holmes! Give me strength. What's he doing back here?
Detective: It appears he has set himself up as a consulting detective.
Inspector: "Consulting"... My Aunt Fanny! There are people daft enough to hire him?
Detective: So far he has found 2 cheating husbands... and a lost dog.

Constable: [sees Murdoch returning from a crime scene in the wilderness] Eh, sir. The woods didn't treat you well?
[Murdoch walks away, speechless]
Constable: I can't blame him for returning. The wilderness is an awful place.
Detective: Oh, on the contrary, I favour Muir's observation. In every walk with nature, one receives far more than he seeks.
Constable: You mean gets more than he bargained for, and it's always bad.

Constable: It seems unlikely to me. I mean, two men meet for the first time and make an agreement to kill each other's wives? What's the opening line in *that* conversation?

[first lines]
Dr. Emily Grace: Good morning, Lillian.
Lillian: Last day as Dr. Grace.
Dr. Emily Grace: Just because I'll no longer be Toronto's coroner doesn't mean I'll cease being a doctor.
Lillian: Of course.
Dr. Emily Grace: How are you progressing next door?
Lillian: Everything's packed up; only some final errands to see to.
Dr. Emily Grace: Then, could I trouble you to pick up my dress from the seamstress?
Lillian: Of course. To think, in only a few days we'll be crossing the Atlantic for London, England. I cannot wait.
Dr. Emily Grace: I love you.

Constable: Sir, I've been doing some reading, and as it turns out, even the president of the United States believes in the hollow earth.
Detective: Really?
Constable: Well, not the current president, sir, but John Quincy Adams was in the process of sending an expedition to the North Pole to look for the entrance, before his plans were quashed by Congress.
Detective: John Quincy Adams kept a pet alligator in the White House bathroom.
Constable: Sir, I'm not one of these people that believe there's a second sun down there. In fact, I'm quite convinced it's pitch black, and the hollow earthers have pale, almost translucent skin, and they have snout noses, sir. They are these snouted beasts who navigate by their sense of smell... No, sir, by sound, of course! They're like bats. They make this high-pitched "nih!" "nih!" And it bounces through the tunnels, and...
Detective: [interrupting him] George, why have we not seen one of these snouted beasts then?
Constable: They're allergic to sunlight.
Detective: Ah.
Constable: Like vampires. And sir, I know there are no vampires...
Detective: No.
Constable: ...in North America.

Father: You know, Will, when I was younger I thought the pursuit of truth was absolute; I've since learned that the world isn't so simple,

Inspector: [to Murdoch after knocking down a fleeing suspect with a golf club] Still got my swing, me old mucker.

[last lines]
Priest: William. The man of the cloth you came to me about, what did you decide to do?
Detective: I said nothing

Inspector: I've got a new rhyme
Detective: Oh?
Inspector: Bobby Edwards took an axe and gave his stepather forty wacks. Bastard bloody deserved it.
Detective: That doesn't rhyme, sir.
Inspector: It's better that way,

[first lines]
Constable: Oh, all right, it's not going anywhere. Uh. Go ahead.

Detective: He winked a message at me in Morse code.
Dr. Julia Ogden: When?
Detective: As he was being taken away.
Inspector: I thought it was a twitch.

Detective: [to Crabtree when he sees Meyers near the crime scene] If he's here, then something very very bad is afoot.

[first lines]
Anna: [laughing] Come on. You promised.
Frederick: I will show you... if you don't tell *anyone*.
Anna: Who would I tell, Freddy?
[they enter room 206]
Anna: Wow!
Frederick: As I promised: the magnificent Vital Motion Plus.
Anna: Hm.
Frederick: Care to try it out?
Anna: Oh, I don't know.
Frederick: It's harmless, my dear, totally harmless. Actually it will do you a power of good.
Anna: And how does it do a person good, Freddy?
Frederick: You need not worry about the principle of the thing, just hop in.
Anna: Are you sure?
Frederick: You won't regret it, I promise. But, to experience the real benefits the electrodes... should be applied next to flesh.
Anna: Oh.
Frederick: If you dare, my beauty.
Anna: [unbuttoning her dress] You really know how to persuade a woman.

Detective: Mr. Pendrick, this latest venture of yours: are you sure it's going to work? Murder, crime, as entertainment?
James: We have mystery novels; I'm simply trying to create a visual narrative.
Detective: Yes, I understand that, but... filmed depravity is something completely different.
James: See, I'm willing to bet that you're wrong. I believe that The Filmed Adventures of Detective William Murdoch will play to standing-room-only crowds from coast to coast. Moving pictures are this century's predominant form of entertainment; I'm willing to bet on it. For young and old.
Detective: I highly doubt that.

Dr. Julia Ogden: I take it you didn't see his face.
[attending to a wound at the back of Murdoch's head]
Detective: How do you know that?
Dr. Julia Ogden: Location of the wound. Your head was turned when the pipe hit you.
Detective: You think it was a pipe?
Dr. Julia Ogden: If it had an edge, I might be doing this on the morgue table.

Sir: Enough! You're a good spy, Myers, but your skills as a toady are sadly lacking.

Detective: A Canadian constable would always wear a hat.

Constable: The only constant in this investigation is that each wrestler is proved a fraud.
Detective: True. The Cossack isn't Russian, and the chief rivals were actually friends.
Constable: A-a-and in our championship match the other night, i-it involved a fake manoeuvre and a prearranged outcome.
Inspector: So? What of it?
Constable: Well, sir, as much as it pains me to say, it's quite possible the entire sport is fake.
Inspector: Outlandish! Wrestling is a sport of honor and integrity.

Barclay: Detective, I've spent so much time amongst the dead, yet it never prepared me for this.

[first lines]
Farmer's: Elmer! Stop! I don't want you getting too close.
Farmer: What's gonna happen?
Farmer's: I don't know. It just fills me with dread. Can you see what it is?
Farmer: Looks like Henri, from down in the valley.

Bat: [watching a belly-dancer] I don't think I've seen a dance quite like it.
Inspector: Reminds me of Afghanistan. Never thought I'd see it here, but I can't say that I mind.

[Twain has just been shot at, shattering a carafe of whiskey]
Detective: Mr. Twain, are you all right?
Mark: I believe I'll need another drink.

[first lines]
Constable: [showing betting slip] Sir, fifty cents on William Murdoch.
Detective: Oh, George, I'm afraid your money would be best spent elsewhere. I'm competing against professionals.
Constable: Well, sir, I thought about that, and I brought you this. It's a caffeine drink, so it should level the playing field. Strength of a bull in a bottle there, sir.
Detective: That's all right, George. I've created my own advantage. Sprockets.
Constable: Sprockets, sir?
Detective: Yes, yes. They allow me to change gears, offsetting pedaling resistance against gradient in the course.
Constable: Sir, I hate to be the bearer of bad news; I've just read about this very invention in 'Cycler News'.
Detective: Indeed, indeed. The difference, however, is I've created a system of rods, allowing me to change gears without dismounting.
Constable: Sir, that's brilliant.
Detective: Yes, yes!

Inspector: You've made me miss the end of the match.
[cocks his pistol]
Inspector: I've half a mind to shoot you on principle.

[last lines]
Constable: [about the killer's fate] So, he's alive?
Detective: I think it's safe to assume that he's... I don't know.

Inspector: Right, Doctor. We'll leave you to figure out how the girl died.
Dr. Julia Ogden: It could be natural causes, Inspector.
Inspector: I know. It's never murder till it's murder.

Constable: Sir, do you notice that?
Detective: What?
Constable: Peace and quiet. It's like... a blast of silence.

Constable: [Looking at the recently unearthed mummified bodies] Cyanide is often used in suicides. Perhaps they killed themselves.
Detective: How did they then bury themselves, George?
Constable: [Sheepishly] Point taken, sir.

[first lines]
Constable: [to man on bench] Time to move along, old fella. Oy, I said wake up. Or is it a visit to the cells you're after? Right them, up with you.
[sees a wound]
Constable: Oh, holy jumping...
[blows his whistle]

[last lines]
Dr. Julia Ogden: William, I have to talk to you!
Detective: Julia, what is it?
Dr. Julia Ogden: I just met with Darcy. He's agreed to the annulment.
Detective: We can be married?
Dr. Julia Ogden: Yes! We can be married!

Detective: Detective Watts, I understand.
Detective: Would your sister forsake you for a house of women who have eschewed the world in which you live?
Detective: My sister was a nun.

Inspector: What else do we have to go on?
Detective: The killer's modus operandi: well-styled, well-rehearsed... murder with a personal touch.
Inspector: The murderer's enjoyin' himself.
Detective: I suppose.

Constable: He's out cold, George.
Constable: He's gone cold, Henry. He's dead.

Theodore: Hanging is a miserable business, Thomas. The condemned die only once. The executioner dies every time.

Detective: [Reluctant to take a case in which his father is the prime suspect] Sir, I simply doubt I can remain objective.
Inspector: [Unmoved] Then be professional!

[first lines]
Crown: In the matter of the murder of Percival Thompson, the evidence against Mary Thompson is unequivocal. You will learn of her fingermarks on the knife that was plunged six times into the chest of her husband. You will learn of how that same weapon was discovered lying on her bedside the next morning. And you will learn of Mrs. Thompson's claims that she has no memory of these events.

Inspector: Lads, you wouldn't believe it if you'd seen it yourselves: a great, long creature, scales, sharp teeth, huge, saucer-like eyes, red-rimmed and full of lust for blood. Crabtree, what do you know about this demon in the lake?
Constable: I'm not entirely convinced, sir.
Inspector: You don't believe in sea monsters?
Constable: Well, obviously, there are monsters in the sea, sir; that's why they call them sea monsters. But I've never heard of any lake monsters. I just can't imagine anything so dastardly living in fresh water.
Inspector: Crabtree, wait a minute. You're telling me that you believe in zombies, werewolves, vampires, Martians, Venusians, curses, voodoo, ghosts, and, apparently, sea monsters. But a creature in Lake Ontario that both I and Detective Murdoch have witnessed is beyond the scope of your otherwise vivid imagination. You're telling me that?
Constable: Sir, I can't attest to what you witnessed. I'm afraid I remain a skeptic.

Enid: These messages are so personal. It's like snooping through her diary.

Terrence: The murder was committed by a German, just not THAT German.
Detective: If this is indeed the work of a spy, we need information. Everything you know.
Inspector: And do not say the words "national security."

Inspector: Take Crabtree with you.
Detective: I don't need a minder.
Inspector: I was thinking more of a shield.
Constable: Inspector!
Inspector: It's a bloody joke, Crabtree.
Constable: Ha, bloody, ha.

Detective: All I know is that I will never love anyone like I do you.
Dr. Julia Ogden: We never love the same way twice, but you will love again. Love is like gravity, William. You have to let yourself fall.

Constable: Thank you for the sandwich.
Edna: I won't use butter next time. You're even fussier than Simon is.
Constable: Well, butter has its place in many things, Edna, but a friend of the sandwich it is not.

MacIver: Useless as a fat man at the high jump.

Detective: Pardon me, sir. A word?
Empire: Yes, sir.
Detective: [Introducing himself] Detective Murdoch, Toronto Constabulary. We're looking for one of your guests, a Constance Weatherly.
Dr. Julia Ogden: She's employed by a charity -- Virtues Ministry.
Empire: Ah yes, Miss Weatherly, our lady of insufferable sanctimony.

Dr. Julia Ogden: It's magnificent to have a place in this town where one can enjoy the company of women.

Detective: I find it hard to believe that God intervenes in murder investigations, Susannah.
Susannah: Who are we to assume God's priorities?

Inspector: As my wayward wife used to say, there's more to life than murder!

Chief: Murdoch. Hmph. Good copper. But it'd be a bloody cold day in Hell before a papist becomes an inspector in my police force.
Inspector: Sir, Detective Murdoch is quite exceptional. The fact that he's Catholic...
Chief: Thomas. You're an ambitious man. And I can see some day you being an alderman or maybe even a mayor. But Toronto is a Protestant city. You'd be wise to remember that.

Terrence: Gentlemen, whatever the reason for the attack, it is our duty to eliminate this scourge. It is our Prime Minister's opinion that the Anarchist movement is a threat to peace, order and good government.

Constable: What are you doing, sir?
Detective: Making elastic bands, George.
Constable: Easily purchased, sir.
Detective: Why spend hard-earned money on something you can easily make yourself?

Terrence: Inspector Brackenreid, despite your opinions to the contrary, the Americans are an important, if somewhat unruly, ally of ours.

Constable: [realizing Julia is staring at him in the nude and covering his erect penis] I've been swimming in the cold river.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Oh.

[first lines]
Inspector: Excuse us. Police business.

Langston: But we made lose some of our best players to the Americans.
Chief: Ooh, it's our game! The Yanks will never embrace it. Besides, if you pay a man to play a game, who will work in the factories?

Inspector: [sarcastically while looking at a list of names on Murdoch's blackboard] Oh, good! A chart!
Inspector: Sir, in a case with ten suspects, careful organization of information is paramount.

[first lines]
Constable: I've got seven point two.
Constable: I've got six point six.
Constable: Well, I'm closer, Henry. Come towards me.
Constable: I have seven point two.
Constable: I've got seven point eight. We're getting closer, Henry.
Constable: I just got eight.
Constable: Well, Higgins, I do believe we have located our quarry.
Detective: More accurate to say that I've located you.
Constable: Well, sir, given that we started four blocks apart...
Detective: Then I'd say that this has been a success, gentlemen. Well done.

Detective: Supposing Murdoch was guilty... It's hardly a disloyal hypothesis, George. He's suspected each of us of murder at one time or another.
Inspector: There is no telling what darkness lurks in the heart of a man, Crabtree.
Constable: Sir! I know what lurks in the heart of William Murdoch! It is a passion for justice, a respect for science, and a desire to create ingenious automated machines that might one day save us from doing housework. He has more integrity than any man I know, and would sooner move house to... Mars than kill a vexatious neighbour. And you know what? That's it. I refuse to hear any more on the subject!

Detective: Well, gentlemen, it's been my experience that when a man chooses to diappear, he stays disappeared.
Inspector: [defensively] ... and your meaning, detective?
Detective: He's off on a bender.
Constable: Oh, sir, Detective Murdoch is a teetotaler. He practices teetotalism.
Detective: Well, then, it's a woman.
[He uses a flamboyant hand gesture to which Brackenreid reacts]
Inspector: You've got him all wrong. Detective Murdoch is probably the most buttoned-down man you'll ever meet.

Detective: [looking through the clothes of the decomposed body and discovering a derringer] Hmm, interesting...
Detective: Perhaps he was expecting trouble.
Detective: Indeed.
Constable: [Murdoch finds a whiskey flask and then some chains] His pocket flask has held up well, and, sir, it appears those chains were wrapped around his entire body.
Detective: In that case, George, however he went into the water, I'd say it's same to assume someone didn't want him coming back.

Chief: [as they start fingerprinting] All right, men, let's get good, clean marks. Record names, addresses, age and occupation on every card while you're at it.
Inspector: Everything's under control, sir.
Chief: Save these cards, Tom; they'll come in handy. If not for this case, then the next.
Isaac: All we did today was come to church. Now we're suspects in crimes that haven't even happened yet.

Constable: [referring to suspect Liam Cuddy] As a Catholic, is he not supposed to confess his sins before he dies?
Detective: Crabtree, has it ever occurred to you that a murderer can also be a liar... even to the great almighty?

Constable: [puts his bread back onto his plate] I can't do it.
Constable: What's that?
Constable: The bread! I can't do it. It's soft, it's tasteless.
Constable: Let me guess. The food was better in Paris.
Constable: You are right about that, Higgins. Let me tell you, every meal was a feast. Even bread... a long crisp French baguette, oh, a work of art!
Constable: You don't say.

[last lines]
Simon: Here.
[hands Crabtree the hammer]
Constable: Oh, I don't know. I've got a-a-a sore elbow, you see. I don't...
[he rings the bell]
Simon: Oh-ho!
Constable: Ohh, who knew!
Simon: I can't believe it.
Edna: Well.

Dr. Julia Ogden: You're a coward, Mr. Fellows, and not half the man my husband is.
Ralph: I wouldn't be so sure of that.
Dr. Julia Ogden: You're a hotel detective pretending to be a cowboy. And despite your many attempts to harm us, you've done nothing but fail.
Ralph: You watch your mouth.
Dr. Julia Ogden: How does it feel?
Ralph: How does what feel?
Dr. Julia Ogden: Living your life as a failure.
Ralph: I am the farthest thing from a failure! I am a victim of unfortunate circumstances.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Well, that is something a failure would say.

[first lines]
Detective: Good morning, Constable.

Dr. Harwick: A peer of mine, Dr. Karl Landsteiner, recently published these findings. Landsteiner discovered there are 3 different human blood types. He named them A, B, and C. Even for an Austrian, that's hardly imaginative.

Detective: Mr. Ford, why would a car that uses a gasoline engine need a battery?
Henry: At present, the engine needs to be hand-cranked. It's a problem - especially for the weaker sex. Wallensky's battery is just what I needed for an electrical ignition.
Detective: So, it's just a coincidence then that by deprivng Mr. Pendrick of Mr. Wallensky of his battery, you would also be crushing your main competition.
Henry: I'm an engineer, Detective. I build cars. If I thought the electric car was superior, I would build electric cars, but the fact is the gasoline engine is superior.
Detective: I've driven Mr. Pendrick's bullet. It was very impressive.
Henry: I've no doubt of that. I'm sure it's lightweight, streamlined.
Detective: Yes, very much so.
Henry: It has to be, but the gasoline-powered car, on the other hand, can weigh a ton and look like an egg crate, but it can be driven a thousand miles because all it takes to keep it going is another tank of gasoline, and gas is cheap and always will be. There's an ocean of oil under the Texas desert.

[first lines]
Constable: Police! Stop!

Derek: Long live Sweden!
Detective: Mr. Frewen, you're under arrest for the murder of Arthur Pimblett, and for treason. Long live Canada.

[last lines]
[George has thrown Nina's collection of flirtation cards off the roof]
Nina: Why did you do that, George?
Constable: Everybody should be able to entertain the possibility that they're admired.

Inspector: Wires and gears are all very good, Murdoch, but they don't provide much in the way of friendship.

[first lines]
Dr. Julia Ogden: Damn it!
[a nurse screams and runs in]
Dr. Julia Ogden: What is it?
Nurse: uh, Ward C... Nurse Collins...

Inspector: I can't believe the Telegraph has stooped to reporting false news.

[first lines]
Estephanie: I'm not sure about this, Peregrine.
Peregrine: It's a lovely night. It'd be a shame to ruin it. You told me you wanted to come out here.
Estephanie: I did.
Peregrine: And now you want to leave, and... we've hardly gotten settled.
Estephanie: Please, can we just go home?
Peregrine: After a kiss.
[he kisses her]
Peregrine: You see, it's not so bad, is it?
Estephanie: Something's moving.
Peregrine: Just the earth.
Estephanie: Please, I would like you to stop.
Peregrine: What do you want?
[the Lurker throws him from the car]
Estephanie: Don't!
Peregrine: You there, get away from her.
[he charges up, but gets thrown back. The Lurker kisses her hand then runs off]
Peregrine: Are you all right?
Estephanie: Yes.
Peregrine: My God, that was The Lurker.
Estephanie: Well, do you think he might be coming back?

Chief: [explaining what is common to all prisoners] Stupidity, Crabtree, thought-stunting, bat blind stupidity is the sine qua non of incarceration.
Constable: Wouldn't that include us?
Chief: Indeed! But stupidity is relative; some have it in abundance, and others have comparatively little. As members of the latter category we have an advantage, and I suggest we use it.

Detective: [Speaking on Murdoch's theory that the now dead tiger was being deliberately starved] So, someone could have taken the food away, then...
Bob: I don't see how, Detective. If a hand came between Saber and his food, guaranteed that hand would be a goner.

Clara: It took a year for the Law Society to decide that the word 'person' could apply equally to men and women. But it finally did, and I was able to pursue law.

Inspector: [impatiently, after reading the teenaged girl's love letters] Hard to keep your lunch down when you read tripe like this!

Constable: So, Fremont just walks away?
Inspector: It's all part of a larger plan.
Constable: [slightly bewildered] A plan, sir?
Inspector: Crabtree, Murdoch isn't the only one around here who can think like Murdoch, eh?
Constable: If you say so, sir.

Professor: [Murdoch enters a dance studio. Looking around he sees a few couples dancing, stiffly, with one another. Off screen he hears...] You must be Mr. Murdoch.
Inspector: That's correct.
Professor: Welcome. I am Professor Otranto and I will make you a dancer.
Inspector: Uh, good, good.
Professor: That is what you want, is it not?
Inspector: Ah, yes, I had hoped to improve my... technique.
Professor: Very well, but first we must evaluate your abilities, yes?. Catarina!
[Otranto beckons Catarina, a nearby young woman, to join them]
Inspector: Evaluate?
[Catarina steps in front of Murdoch]
Professor: Assume the position, sir.
Inspector: What position would that be?
[Professor Otranto assumes the position then Catarina quickly moves into Murdoch's arms, startling him]
Professor: Mmmm. Now, dance.
[Murdoch awkwardly leads Catarina onto the floor. Otranto continues, to himself, before following Murdoch onto the floor]
Professor: Oh, there is much work to be done here.

Constable: Murderers never dig deep. They're in a hurry to be rid of the body.
Constable: Or can't be bothered to dig any further. Let's try by the river.
Constable: Why?
Constable: Just seems a restful place.
Constable: Higgins, we're looking for a burial site not a picnic spot, man!

Buffalo: [Realizing that Murdoch suspected he was lying about his poor eyesight] And you thought I was lyin'!
Detective: With all due respect, Mr. Cody, you've built a whole show around lies.
Buffalo: Well, people don't want the truth. No, sir, they want something else. They want a good story, and a good story told often enough... that can become the truth.

Dentist: [referring to the patient whose tooth he was drilling] You'll have to make it quick, Detective. Leave them alone too long and they run.
Detective: I understand the impulse.

Constable: I suppose I'm not such a terrific chef after all.
Inspector: Few men are.
Constable: Well, there's an idea, Sir. What if bachelors like myself didn't have to cook? What if you could just purchase a prepared meal?
Inspector: What for?
Constable: Well, for convenience. It would be ready to eat, ready to eat. That would be the slogan. And I would call it "Tasty Vittles Dinner."
Inspector: Bit of a mouthful.
Constable: Well, I suppose I could shorten it. TV dinner. And you could eat it whenever you are watching whatever can see out your window, I suppose. I mean the news of the day, some copper solving a case, perhaps a cooking competition.
Inspector: That sounds ridiculous. Why wouldn't you just get yourself a wife?

Detective: [reading second threatening note] The urchin knows the point of pay. The information, he'll relay. Should my demands not be employed, then Cabbagetown will be destroyed.

Detective: [running into the room excitedly] George, I've cracked the code!. Arrest them ! Arrest them all!

Detective: [Looking at Lillie's diary] There doesn't seem to be a mention of a suitor or even gentlemen friends. However, she does mention a flea infestation.
Constable: Well, that would explain the insect repellent... Sir, in my personal experience a boring diary was an excellet way to keep a nosy mother in the dark...
Detective: ...while keeping your true secrets hidden elsewhere.

James: [to Detective William Murdoch] I'm fascinated by the idea of love, Detective. What will a man sacrifice for the woman he loves?

Dr. Julia Ogden: William, something other than fine cuisine and my *charming* self is clearly taking your attention.
Detective: Not at all, Julia.
Dr. Julia Ogden: If whatever case has its teeth in you is interesting enough to distract you from lobster a la Chatillon, it must be fascinating.

Phillip: [looking ill, as if in a weird trance] No doctor can save me.

[first lines]
Samuel: Gloves are worthless. I'll take the dress though. Two bits.
Louise: Please. It cost near three dollars. My mother gave it to...
Samuel: To me it's worth two bits. Accept it or not.
[she considers the offer]
Samuel: I'll even throw in this.
[he tosses her a gray bundle of cloth]
Samuel: You can change behind there.
[she goes through the curtain]
Samuel: Need some help back there?
Louise: I'm all right.
Samuel: Long as you're sure.

[first lines]
Hamish: Operator, get me the police. I need a constable at 590 Jarvis Street. Hurry!
[someone enters]
Hamish: No! No!

Dr. Julia Ogden: [upon seeing her fractured hand mirror] William? What on earth are you doing?
Detective: Julia!
[springs to his feet, startled]
Detective: I have created an elongated circumscope. Now, instead of merely peering around a corner and remaining unseen, this will allow us to see what's going on in the room a full story above us.
Dr. Julia Ogden: I see!
[still confounded]
Dr. Julia Ogden: Where did you get those tubes?
Detective: Oh... ah, um...
[holds up his index finger in warning]
Detective: Don't use the water closet. Now if you could help me by opening up this window...

Dr. Julia Ogden: The infamous Star Room.
Detective: Not one of our city's finer forms of entertainment.
Dr. Julia Ogden: A good burlesque can be just as entertaining as a good vaudeville... if a little suggestive.
Inspector: Well, this place attracts all sorts. Good evening, doctor.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Inspector.
Inspector: Sorry for dragging you to such a place at this time of night.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Oh, not at all. I've *always* wondered what it looked like inside.
Detective: Not an entirely unlikely venue in which to find a murder.
Inspector: More unexpected that anyone bothered to tell us about it.

Constable: Sir, the novel that I'm working on now is about an archaeologist, but he's sort of a swashbuckling archaeologist.
Detective: A swashbuckling archaeologist, George?
Constable: Yes, sir, he's introverted but rugged; incredibly brave, but he has an Achilles heel.
Dr. Iris Bajjali: What is it?
Constable: Butterflies.
[Murdoch gives him a look]
Constable: He's terrified of them, and of course, at the end of the novel, he has to crawl into a cave full of them.
Dr. Iris Bajjali: What sort of man is afraid of butterflies?
Detective: Your point, George?

[last lines]
Constable: When do you leave? Dr. Ogden told me you were going to England.
Dr. Emily Grace: Two weeks and a day.
Constable: You're counting down. That's a good sign; means you want to go.
Dr. Emily Grace: I do.
Constable: Well... to new beginnings, then.
Dr. Emily Grace: New beginnings.

[last lines]
Orphanage: I'm from the Hamley House for Orphans.
Detective: Yes; thank you for coming on such short notice. I'm Detective William Murdoch. My wife, Julia Ogden.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Will he be adopted?
Orphanage: We'll do our best, ma'am.
Detective: He doesn't seem to want to go.
Orphanage: I'll take him.
Detective: Actually, I... I would... We... would like to adopt him. We've discussed it, and I believe we are in agreement.
Orphanage: It's most unusual. Are you certain?
Dr. Julia Ogden: We are.
Detective: We are.
Orphanage: Then I'll drop off the papers. Good day.
[she leaves]
Detective: What have we done?
Dr. Julia Ogden: Hopefully the right thing.

[first lines]
Nina: Little token of my affection for my favourite Mr Wednesday. That's my cue. Enjoy the routine, and don't run off after.

Detective: [witnessing an execution] I hope you're not one of those faint-hearted sorts, Murdoch. Fox crawled out of hell to be born. Mr. Dillard and me are just shipping him back.

Constable: There is one good bit of news for Detective Murdoch.
Constable: What's that?
Constable: It's easier for him to marry a widow than a divorcee.
Constable: Henry! That's not funny.

[first lines]
Detective: Here, allow me.
Joanne: Oh, thank you. Oh. They really should have picked a better branch for baby day.
Detective: Baby day?
Joanne: You open an account for your baby and they'll match what you deposit up to five dollars.
Detective: Five dollars!
Joanne: Yeah.
Detective: That's a lot of money.

Dr. Julia Ogden: We'll head down to the dining room when George appears.
Hermione: Oh?
Detective: Cheese?
Margaret: It must be nice to have someone do all the cooking for you. You should have tasted the abomination Thomas made for me last night.
Detective: Sir! You didn't?
Inspector: I did indeed. Margaret got to enjoy the spice wings of Buffalo. The boys loved them.
Margaret: Ugh, ghastly.

Inspector: Suppose the Americans proved that we tried to fund the Confederates and these Copperheads, do you really think they'd up and march across the border?
Terrance: Probably not how it would happen. A bully doesn't pick a fight with a punch; he provokes it with an insult.
Inspector: Most fistfights start with a shoving match.
Terrance: Exactly. And then they would demand an apology; if we gave them one, we'd be admitting guilt. The yellow press would demand punitive action. Any further denial would be viewed as fresh provocation, and so it would go.
Inspector: Until they're marching across the border.
Terrance: And make no mistakes; they'd hand us our heads.

Constable: Sir, I think this case has all the makings of a ripping detective tale: a dismembered body encased in concrete, a foul-smelling river to represent society's rapid decay, birdwatchers...
Detective: [Somewhat peeved] What on eath are you doing, George?

Detective: If you will excuse me, I am to meet my wife.
Terrence: Of course! In all of this excitement, I forgot to congratulate you on your marriage.
Detective: Thank you. We are very happy.
Terrence: Quite a pistol, that Dr. Ogden, hmm? Election agitating and all. Puts me in mind of a noble salmon, swimming upstream, against the current, hmm? Do you fish, Murdoch?
Detective: No.
Terrence: Hmm. Well, that's a shame.

Effie: Miss Cherry, I am sorry about Teddy.
Louise: I'm not. We all deserve to be with men who deserves us.

[last lines]
Detective: I didn't know you'd spent time in Prague.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Yes, some.
Detective: Funny. How two people can work so closely together an...
Dr. Julia Ogden: and not really know anything about one another.
Detective: Exactly. You must tell me all about Prague.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Well, I had a journal when I was there.
Detective: Oh. Well, I'd very much like to read it.
Dr. Julia Ogden: William! Really!
Detective: Yes. Really.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Well, perhaps some excerpts.

Edna: [opens her door to a slightly nervous Crabtree and is not happy to see him] Does your detective wish to interrogate me further?
Constable: Actually, miss, my interests here are strictly personal.
[reveals the small pot of African violets he has been hiding behind his back]
Edna: I'm afraid my own interests in that regard have waned.
Constable: [pauses, looks down the hallway, then back at her] Miss, I'm well aware that the ship between us has sailed.
[looks at the flowers]
Constable: In fact, these flowers were not meant for you.
Edna: They're not?
Constable: No.
[gives a nervous laugh]
Constable: This is very awkward now, but I was hoping to make the acquaintance of your dog.
[pauses]
Constable: Does she like violets?
Edna: You've come to call on my... dog?
Constable: Yes. I was hoping she would walk with me. In fact, I'd be very obliged if you could join us, maybe as chaperone.
Edna: [takes the violets from Crabtree, smiles slightly] Will you wait downstairs?

Lightning: I didn't shoot Jaws.
Detective: Well, someone did.
Lightning: Yeah, someone did, and whoever they are, I'll find 'em, and when I'm done, their boots'll be pointin' up toward their maker. You mark my words.

Detective: A fire-fighting robot, George?
Constable: Yes sir. Er... imagine it, with heat sensing eyes, moving towards the fire wielding a hose. Can one build such a thing, sir?
Detective: I suppose. Have you considered the potential effect such a machine will have on human kind?
Constable: Well, yes. This one would put out fires.
Detective: Hmm, but if these robots can supplant a person's vocation, the very source of meaning in life, what will become of that?
Detective: In this case, it would take over a dangerous occupation, potentially saving lives.
Detective: And what happens when this automation spreads to other duties, like our own?
Constable: [laughing] A robot-constable, sir. Robo-copper.

Inspector: [Interrupting Murdoch, who's been talking French] Let's do English, please. Allow me to massacre your language.

Constable: [referring to the lights one witness thought came from a UFO] He thought they looked extra-terrestrial, sir.
Detective: [sarcastically] So, it's your feeling that this is the work of Martians, George?
Constable: No, no, no, sir... Venusians! Venusians, sir, have a motive for invasion.
Detective: And what would their motive be?
Constable: Well, sir, Venus is permanenly beclouded. Clearly they have somehow managed to sully their own atmosphere and now covet our clear, blue skies, such as they are.
Detective: [condescendingly] Now, George, why go to the trouble of killing Ivan Wallensky and faking his suicide when they could easily dispatch him with a death ray?

Detective: [looking at the body that has fallen for apparently no reason] Seal all exits, George. This man's been murdered!

Talking: Hello, Detective Murdoch. Will you play with me?

Detective: Would a guilty person be so guileless?
Inspector: Only if his guilessness was an act.

[first lines]
Dr. Julia Ogden: I think that's enough for today.
Sarah: Good; now please get that thing away from me!
Harry: It's nothing but a spider. I still don't understand how anyone can be frightened of a spider.
Pauline: How about a horse? Who could be frightened of such a beautiful creature?
Dr. Julia Ogden: Mrs. Kerr, please. And Mr. Phelps, that's enough. Sarah, you tolerated much better today; well done.

Constable: It's a pity we can't have a tree, sir. I-It would certainly make our task feel more festive.
Detective: They do lighten the spirit don't they?
Constable: Yes, sir. You-you should see my family's tree. It-it's ten feet tall if it was an inch. And when all the candles are ablaze, it is...
Detective: That's a fire hazard, isn't it?
Constable: Well, it may be, sir, but what a fire hazard!

Detective: [to Brackenreid] Sir, if we don't keep our wits about us, mistakes will be made.

Detective: Are you alright, sir?
Inspector: I've never been so happy to vomit into a bucket in my life.

[first lines]
Priest: Do you, William, take this woman to thy wedded wife, to love her, comfort her, to honour and keep her, in sickness and in health until death do ye part?
Detective: I do.
Priest: And do you, Julia Ogden, take this man to thy wedded husband, to obey him...
Dr. Julia Ogden: Obey him?
Detective: Uh, we're negotiating that.
[there is a pounding on the door]
Dr. Julia Ogden: It's Darcy!

[last lines]
Dr. Julia Ogden: What is it?
Dr. Julia Ogden: It's our home, that I'm going to build for you.
Dr. Julia Ogden: William. It's extraordinary.
Detective: Wait. There's more.
[removes the model's roof]
Dr. Julia Ogden: More?
Detective: There's the parlour, the conservatory, piano room, bedrooms here and here. And a dish-washing cupboard.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Dish-washing cupboard!
Detective: Oh, yes, fully automated; no need for servants.Uh, I'm still sorting the details. But this, a laboratory-workshop. Laboratory for you, workshop for me.
Dr. Julia Ogden: To share?
Detective: Yes. So we may always benefit from each other's counsel.
Dr. Julia Ogden: William Murdoch, it couldn't be more perfect.
Detective: Really?
Dr. Julia Ogden: Yes.

The: Who knows what lies in the heart of a masked man?

Constable: You know, Hannah, I almost didn't recognize you with clothes on.
Hannah: To tell the truth, I can hardly keep myself from ripping them off right here.
Constable: I couldn't bring myself to put on my underclothes.
Hannah: Me neither.
Jean: Heathens! Reprobates! Miscreants, degenerates! This city is doomed with moral guardians like you!

Constable: As my Aunt Marigold says: i-if you don't try, you'll never know where trying may have taken you.

Winston: Oh, look, a bulldog. I always thought they should be enshrined as our national symbol.
Detective: Because of their stubborn tenacity?
Winston: No, because they look so much like our queen. Of course, given my fondness for food and drink, I may end up looking like one myself someday.

Ned: Razor intends on finishing me tonight, and anyone who stands in his way, I imagine.
Constable: Well, he would have to make it through two highly trained officers of the law to do that.
Ned: [derisively to Crabtree and Brackenreid] You two? Roly and Poly? Know why they call him "The Razor?" Not for the means which he dispatches his victims, but because he's in possession of an extremely sharp mind. Doubt you two are a natch.

Detective: How bad is it?
Inspector: As far as I know it's most of the city. I've heard reports that it's raging from the Esplanade in the south to Melinda in the north. All of Wellington Street is ablaze, as is Bay. Over one hundred buildings are burning. It's going to change the face of the city forever.

Inspector: [Putting a flower in Murdoch's lapel] Pansies! Symbol of fairies the world over!

[first lines]
Professor: There was a time in China when smoking opium was a sign of wealth - wealth in that it was illegal and only the affluent could escape prosecution, but also because wealth allowed for a certain leisure that the smoking of opium desires, and it was these prosperous patrons who understood opium's value to artists, philosophers, and allowing this golden age of Ch...
Ling: [Byron starts coughing] Only a little.
Byron: Apologies, Emperor.
Professor: Enough history; we are here to enjoy the present. So, let us retire to the den, and let's imagine those noblemen and women of China, resplendent in their robes of silk.

John: I'm not above turning a dead man in for a thousand dollars. I'm not above stealin' his gold teeth, but I didn't kill One Tooth... that's my word.

Detective: Who proposed this theory?
Nikola: A man by the name of Einsteen. Albert. Hmm, no, Alfred. He's written a few articles of late. The last one was "On the Electrodynamics of Moving Bodies."
Dr. Julia Ogden: Sounds fascinating.
Nikola: It's not as intriguing as the title suggests. It's all about matter and energy and its relationship to the speed of light.
[Tesla pretends to fall asleep, snoring; William and Julia snicker; Tesla laughs]
Nikola: It has no practical value.

Detective: I have a curious mind - always have.
Anna: Well, that's a very attractive quality. Most men have curious hands and little else.

Inspector: [to Julia] Now that you're married, Doctor, the world sees you differently. You're his property. And whether you like it or not, your actions are his actions.

Detective: [Seeing Thomas Merrick lying motionless on a bed] What have you done to him?
Eunice: [Smiling with amusement and echoing a line spoken earlier] Heroin... it really is a wonder drug.

Constable: So I'm to stand here all night - alone - waiting to see if this pencil moves.

Inspector: You should sign up for the military, Crabtree. War tests the measure of a man.
Constable: Sir, I'm not sure I want to be measured.

Dr. Julia Ogden: Irwin told you?
Detective: Yes, right around the same time he told me my wife should mind her own business.
Dr. Julia Ogden: [Gently scoffs] And what did you say to that?
Detective: I may have said that I believe she is doing just that.

[last lines]
Constable: Sirs, you called for me?
Inspector: Ah, Crabtree. We wanted to compliment you on a fine piece of work.
Detective: Yes.
Inspector: Even if your diligence did uncover that professional wrestling is a sham.
Detective: Yes, I doubt fans will continue to follow it so feverishly once the truth reaches them.
Inspector: Nevertheless, I think it's about time you got measured for a new suit.
Constable: Sir?
Detective: Yes, George, you've been serving in a constable's tunic long enough.
Constable: Sirs, uh...
Inspector: Don't be thick, bugalugs. There's an opening at Station House Number 3 for a new detective. I've put you forward.
Detective: They'll be lucky to have you, George.

Detective: Detective Watts?
Detective: Yes?
Detective: Find out what's been going on in Hamilton, would you?
Detective: Anything specifically? I'm sure Hamilton is a hotbed of criminal activity.

Cecily: [loudly] No danger! He's stuck atop a pole with a bomb strapped to him.
Detective: Ma'am, please keep your voice down; you wouldn't want to be the one to set it off, now would you?
Constable: [Murdoch and Crabtree walk away] Hold on, sir; I doubt if her voice is loud enough...
Detective: Yes, George, I know that. You know that. We don't need her to know that.

Young: I prefer not to be called Billy.
Young: All right, Billy.

Adelia: And you're absolutely sure that the body you found is not my grandson?
Detective: The coroner has proven it.
Adelia: Oh, thank God. Who was he?
Detective: We don't know. A pauper?
Adelia: What have you found out about the man who *claims* to be my grandson?
Detective: I've found nothing to prove or disprove that he's your grandson.
Adelia: So he *is* Adam.
Detective: I can't say.
Adelia: But I can.
Jonah: Grandmother, you're being ridiculous.
Adelia: Don't tell me what I am or am I not. This is my decision.
Jonah: A rash and misguided one.
Adelia: Don't worry, Jonah. I have no intention of disinheriting you, if that's what you're afraid of.
Jonah: How could you even suggest such a thing? It's not about money. I'm trying to protect you.

[first lines]
Nun: Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.
Head: Mother Isidore, you called for me?
Nun: He's taken a turn for the worse. He's burning up with fever, and he's been severely distressed.
Head: It's only natural, given his situation. We're doing everything we can to make him comfortable.
Nun: It's not his physical discomfort I'm talking about. It's his moral distress. Something is weighing on his conscience.
Head: That's more your realm than mine. Father Gronan should be by in the morning.
Nun: Well, that's why I called for you. He doesn't want a priest. He wants a policeman!
Mr. Jeffrey Roundhill: Call them! In the name of God, this must be made right. I killed her.

Inspector: [to Murdoch] Listen, don't take nonsense of those bloody eggheads, me old mucker. Show them what Toronto coppers are made of... capiche?
Detective: [Brackenreid clicks his tongue knowingly] Si.

[last lines]
Constable: Emily, you were about to win.
Dr. Emily Grace: Of course I was.
Constable: So, what? You threw away Paris for me?
Dr. Emily Grace: Don't go getting a swelled head over it, George Crabtree.
Constable: Good crack.

Inspector: [Annoyed that Murdoch has disobeyed orders] Do you have any impression that you've gone slightly crackers?

Detective: [Trying to find out which flammables were used in making the bomb] I'll have to send it to the university. I would do it myself, but I don't have a centrifuge.
Inspector: [Sarcastically] Oh, that's a shame!

Inspector: [Brackenreid is eating chicken wings] Care to join me?
Detective: What is that?
Inspector: Dinner. I put some of this spicy sauce on 'em. Try one.
Detective: No, thank you.
Inspector: Your loss. But I tell you, Murdoch, these chicken wings are the only good thing about Buffalo.
Chef: Lee, look at that. The Canadians are eating our *garbage*

Inspector: [referring to the nuns] Do you think they're lying? They're nuns, Murdoch. They tell a fib, they go to, uh, limbo, don't they?
Detective: More like purgatory, briefly.
Inspector: I don't understand these choices. We Protestants have Heaven or Hell - up or down - no messin' around!

[last lines]
Dr. Julia Ogden: [as the precinct celebrates Murdoch's return] Welcome home, detective.
Detective: Thank you, doctor.
Detective: [the officers cheer when they kiss] How have you been?

[last lines]
Detective: The Junction's quite a nice town, actually.
Dr. Julia Ogden: We could live here, if it wasn't so far from the city. Imagine, thirty minutes just to get to work. Plus it's about to go dry; what fun is that.
Detective: Well, temperance has its virtues. A dry Canada could be quite remarkable.
Dr. Julia Ogden: How so?
Detective: With no more time wasted to the bottle, imagine the great heights of industry and ingenuity our nation could reach.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Well, if temperance truly is in our future, we should take advantage of it while we can.
Detective: Julia!
Dr. Julia Ogden: Just one little drink, William.
Detective: Why not? You suppose they have spruce beer?

H.G. Wells: A better man is within our grasp.

[last lines]
Detective: Julia.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Were you followed?
Detective: No, of course not, I did exactly as you said. Julia, what on earth is going on?
Dr. Julia Ogden: William, James Gillies is alive.
Detective: What!
Dr. Julia Ogden: I've been receiving threats from him. He said that, if we were to marry, that he would kill you.
Detective: That's why you refused my proposal.
Dr. Julia Ogden: I have a note to my office and a photograph, William. He's been following us.
Detective: Julia, why didn't you tell me?
Dr. Julia Ogden: Because. He said that if I did that he would kill us both.
Detective: Julia.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Life without you, William, it is worse than death.
Detective: Listen to me. Together we're stronger than anyone.

Dr. Julia Ogden: I've never laid eyes on him before in my life. So, Detective, are you going to arrest me?
Detective: No, Julia, this is a formality. I do have to follow procedure and ask you a few questions.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Of course, I'd expect no less. But, should I not be in handcuffs?
Detective: Julia!

[first lines]
Detective: Now, Henry!
Constable: Sir, I...
Detective: It's all right; don't be afraid1
[laughs triumphantly as bulbs light up]
Constable: What's that, sir?
Detective: Something I've been experimenting with. It's, uh, an induction balance machine.
Constable: OK, sir. And it turns on lights, does it? 'cause we have switches for that.
Detective: It's capable of far more than that.
Constable: [enters] Sir, it seems there's been...
[his whistle flies out horizontally on its chain]
Constable: Sweet Mother of...
Detective: You see, it can detect metal. Could be very useful in gathering evidence.
Constable: Yes, sir. Make it stop please.

Detective: Was there anything about him that might help us? A physical description?
Annabelle: Well... he has very soft lips.

Reporter: Mr. Masterson!
Bat: Yes?
Reporter: Matthew Booth from the Toronto Gazette. I just read in the New York Telegraph that you and the constabulary are hot on the trail of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.
Bat: That's right.
Reporter: I'd like to do a story on you: Lawman turned sportswriter chases the infamous Butch and Sundance.
Bat: Hmm. Certainly. But I can't spare much time.
Reporter: Is it true you were born in Canada?
Bat: Yes, Quebec, but you could keep that off the record. I am as American as they come!

Inspector: Mmurdoch, if this is just a matter of fisticuffs, don't you think that a manslaughter charge is a little harsh?
Detective: Sir, a man is dead as a direct result of a violent assault. By definition, that is manslaughter.

[last lines]
Detective: Oh Julia, come and join me; the tea is here.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Brilliant.
[he presents her with a bouquet of roses]
Dr. Julia Ogden: William! How thoughtful.
Detective: I promise never to stop courting you.
[guiding her to a seat]
Detective: Please.
[she sits on the 'flatulence sack']
Detective: [laughing] It worked so well.
[Julia beats him playfully with a cushion]

[last lines]
Inspector: You're damn lucky that branch hung you up, Murdoch. You were unconscious when we found you.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Why did you jump?
Detective: He was getting away. What would you have done?
[to Crabtree]
Detective: Any sign of him?
Constable: Sir, the river gets fast and deep down there; if he was still handcuffed, there's no way...
Detective: You didn't see him?
Constable: No, sir.
Detective: George!
Constable: Sir, we'll keep looking. We'll keep looking, and we'll find him.
Dr. Julia Ogden: William, let's get you back and warmed up. It's over, William. We have to believe that.

Dr. Julia Ogden: This is a rather momentous occasion. I think we should be drinking something stronger.
Margaret: Au contraire,it is quite perfect. The advancement of women marked by the clink of china teacups.

Constable: This idea of a store that sells everything you need under one roof is quite clever, isn't it, sir? I mean, you could buy a ham, a hammock, and a hammer all without getting wet... if it was raining, I suppose. Although if it were raining, you would probably be disinclined to buy a hammock.

[first lines]
Preston: Good morning, ladies. I trust you are prepared for another day serving at Eaton and Company, Canada's greatest store. Now remember, you are ladies serving ladies. Which means, Miss Richardson, no loafing behind the counter, no engaging in idle chatter. Isn't that right?
Helen: Yes, Mister Monk.
Preston: Miss Richardson, the ladies of Rosedale do not want to be served by a cow chewing her cud.
[he holds out a hankerchief, and she spits out a wad of gum]
Preston: And as for the rest of you, I implore you to refrain from using common familiarities. Our esteemed customers to not wish to be referred to as 'Dearie', and please, no 'heaven help me' looks exchanged while serving. What do I expect at all times?
Pearl: Decorum, Mister Monk. We are Mister Timothy's ambassadors.
Preston: Day-cor-um. Thank you, Miss Redmond. Miss Sykes. Your services will no longer be required.
Florence: Sir, I can't afford not to work; why are you firing me?
Preston: You know perfectly well. I don't make the rules; I merely follow them. Collect your wages on your way out.
Florence: Pompous prig.
[to Helen]
Florence: What are you staring at?
Helen: Flo, I'm very sorry...
Florence: Save your sympathies, Helen. Monk'll get his one of these days.

Inspector: [Referring to Houdini] That man is an arrogant little git!
Detective: Can't arrest him for that, sir.
Inspector: Another flaw in the justice system.

[last lines]
Detective: Are you all right?
Dr. Julia Ogden: I've never been better. We're free, William. We're finally free.
Detective: Yes, we are.

Rudolph: Barkeley Blake is a gaseous, bloated mental midget who just happened to pull the wool over the scientific world's eyes.
Detective: Clearly, Professor Sutton, you do not care for Mr. Blake.
Rudolph: No, I, um, I adore the way people confuse scientific rigor with nice teeth.

Inspector: He'll bend society's rules for himself, but that's about as far as his tolerance will ever extend.

Inspector: You seem to have a bee in your bonnet about the captain.
Detective: And you seem to quite like him, sir, which I find surprising given how you feel about Frenchmen.
Inspector: Uh, yes, well, he's not a Frenchman Frenchman; he's a Canadian Frenchman. And if he claims the North Pole for Canada, he's also claiming it for the British Empire,

Dr. Julia Ogden: William, I agreed to do something rather bold.
Detective: Oh, that would make a change.

[first lines]
Detective: Sir, are you all right?
Jacob: I'm sorry.
[long pause]
Jacob: He made me do it.
Detective: Who?
Jacob: The Devil.

Detective: Are you quite all right, Doctor?
Dr. Emily Grace: I was sitting at a table with my friends playing cards, and one of them died in front of me. Of course, I'm all right.

Inspector: Hey, Jackson, what do you think you're doing?
Constable: I- I'm measuring the height of the ceiling, sir. For the tree.
Inspector: The- There will not be a tree in here.
Constable: No tree?
Inspector: Bloody Germans and their idiotic traditions. Jackson, get down!
Detective: Sir, a tree wouldn't be a terrible idea.
Inspector: This is a place of work, Murdoch, not a bloody herbarium.

Detective: Shoot. The blood is draining from the pig's flanks.
Constable: [Hesitates] It's staring at me, sir.
Detective: George, the animal is dead. There's no spirit left in the body.
Constable: Do pigs have a soul, then, sir?
Detective: Now, George!

Annie: [to Brackenreid] A friend of mine once gave me a piece of advice. He said, "Don't try to be good. Try not to be bad."

Dr. Julia Ogden: It's so difficult to find a good skeleton these days. Now I have two.

Dr. Emily Grace: What confuses me's that I still love her even though I so badly want to hate her.

Dr. Julia Ogden: If our supporters can't vote, then no one should.
Margaret: What do you have in mind, Julia?
[goes after Ogden]

Dr. Julia Ogden: There's one more very important fact you're going to need to know.
[Pulls back sheet to reveal body on examining table]
Inspector: Is that... ?
Constable: Are those... ?
Inspector: You mean to tell me that...
Dr. Julia Ogden: Gentlemen, Victor Bernard was a woman.

Inspector: [Frustrated] Every time we put two pieces of the jigsaw together, we get a third that won't fit!

Helmut: Clothing is, by its very nature, unhygienic, unaesthetic, and, of course, undemocratic.

Dr. Julia Ogden: [about James Gillies] He's a master manipulator, and he relishes in the exercise of his ability.
Detective: I agree. This is sport to him.
Inspector: I'd like to introduce him to the Marquis of Queensberry, but without the rules!

Detective: [as Julia insists on remaining in the cell] You're being stubborn.
Dr. Julia Ogden: I'd like to think I'm determined.

[first lines]
Butler: Right on time.

Agnes: Excuse me, Miss Haile, may I please have your autograph?
Margaret: Oh, how lovely of you to ask. You do know, young lady, that I didn't win the election?
Agnes: I know. One day I'd like to run in an election too.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Well, you never know; one day you may just win.
Margaret: To whom should I address this?
Agnes: My name is Agnes. Agnes Macphail.

[first lines]
Boy: One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. Eleven. Twelve. Thirteen. Fourteen. Fifteen. Sixteen. Seventeen. Eighteen. Nineteen. Twenty. Ready or not, here I come!

Felicity: [to Detective William Murdoch] Detective, has anyone ever told you you're a handsome man?

Constable: Family isn't so great anyway. Parents just make you worry about all the stuff they worry about. My life got a lot better when I started ignoring mine.

Detective: Do you think my neighbours believe I am guilty?
Detective: That is of no consequence.
Detective: It is if I have to see them every day.
Inspector: Well, if they believe you to be a killer, at least you will have your privacy.
[chuckles]

Rebecca: Did I upset the detective?
Dr. Julia Ogden: Not at all; he never did get the hang of morgue humour. You, on the other hand, are a quick study.

Wu: Happiness is fleeting, but honor is immortal.

Mick: [to a semi-conscious Murdoch] You should have listened. *We* own the waterfront.

Inspector: What can I do for you?
Tom: I'm sorry to disturb you, but... I was hoping you might sell me your painting from the exhibition.
Inspector: Sell it to you!
Tom: If you would. I-I'd like to try my hand at the canvas. No-not to paint pale imitations of the natural world, but rather, to paint its essences a-as you do. I'd, I'd be prepared to pay.
Inspector: Oh. Oh, well, I'm flattered, but, uh, it's not for sale. I'm thinking of re-entering it in the next exhibition.
Tom: I'm sorry to hear that.
[he turns to leave]
Inspector: Hold your horses, hold your horses. The prize money was ten dollars; it's yours for fifteen.
Tom: Fifteen?
Inspector: Take it or leave it.
Tom: All right. Fifteen.
Inspector: Wise choices, Mister...?
Tom: Thomson. Tom Thomson,
Inspector: Ah, well, Mr. Thomson, I hope I can provide some inspiration.
Tom: Good day.
Inspector: Good day to you too.
[Thomson leaves]
Inspector: Bloody fool.

Detective: [to Brackenreid] Sir, the guilty rarely volunteer their motive or undercut their alibi.

Inspector: So the victim, this Burt Larsen, was a plugger who used the spy's name by mistake, and got plugged for it. Ha, bit unfortunate, that.
Detective: Sir, he was strangled, not shot.
Inspector: , Murdoch, I know. It was a joke.

Detective: Where is my bolograph?
Terrence: Your what?
Detective: It converts heat radiation into a graphic array.
Inspector: You can see people in the dark.
Detective: Well, actually, sir, you can see the heat radiating off of their bodies, but... George!
Constable: Sir, I found it!
Detective: Where was it?
Constable: Sir, McNabb had taken it to help him shoot raccoons.
Inspector: Bloody McNabb. Big dozy git.
Detective: [to Crabtree] Thank you.

Terrence: The great rocket shook as I blasted through the atmosphere. The azure globe shimmered beneath me, vast oceans roiling, entire continents within my view. I had flown higher than any living thing ever had. It was, the greatest adventure ever known to man. And then, nothing, blackness. Not only had I touched the face of God, I became God.
Detective: God?
Terrence: Hm. I recall nothing of the descent. All I know is I awoke to the smiling faces of the Murut. I was now in Sabah, near the village of Nabawan. And in that village, I was no longer human. I was Ranying. Supreme God, fallen from above.

Inspector: So, whoever built this shed did it to conceal the bodies.
Detective: That would be the owner of the factory - a James Kirkham. I've asked George to find him and determine the nature of his business. I did ask him to be quick about it.
Inspector: [Sarcastically] Oh, good, because with a five year-old case, we wouldn't want the trail to go cold, would we?

Mr. Richmond: [leaving a brothel] Good night, ladies.
[Julia opens the door of her carriage]
Dr. Julia Ogden: Good evening, Mr. Richmond.
Mr. Richmond: Dr Ogden, what... How dare you follow me!
Dr. Julia Ogden: I'm merely here to offer you a lift. Your wife will be wondering what *urgent* business has kept you so late.

Detective: I'm Jewish by birth, a doubter by nature, and a cynic by experience.

[first lines]
MC: Gentlemen, it is my distinct honour to introduce our keynote speaker, Inspector Thomas Brackenreid.
Inspector: Gentlemen, those of us at Police Station Number 4 of the Toronto Constabulary had never been confronted by such a puzzling crime. The victim was found in a windowless room that was locked from the inside. But that was not the most baffling part. The victim had been electrocuted; yet the room had no electricity. All that was out of the ordinary was a shattered jar, a chain, a wooden disc and some foil. It soon became apparent that the victim had been killed by a Leyden jar.
Chief: A question, Inspector.
Inspector: Chief Constable Stockton. Of course.
Chief: What is a Leyden jar?
Inspector: Ah, it's a device for storing electric charge.
Chief: Then it's a battery.
Inspector: No, no, it's... its a...
[consults his notes]
Inspector: Ahem, it's a capacitor.
Chief: What's a capacitor?
Inspector: A device for storing electric charge.
Chief: Then it's a battery.
Inspector: Well.
Inspector: Inspector, if I may interject?
Inspector: Of course. Detective William Murdoch, Gentlemen.

Detective: You're involved in illegl gambling, Mr. Chen. Just how do you intend to resolve this?
Ling: I am sure we can come to an arrangement. I knew when Mr. Cooper died, I would have to... renegotiate... What are your terms?
Detective: My terms?
Ling: Well, Cooper took 20%. I always thought that was a bit excessive, but then what choice do I have?
Detective: You're lying. Cooper was a decorated officer.
Ling: He also liked his bread with butter - just like we all do.

Constable: Why is he marrying her?
Constable: Why is who marrying whom?
Constable: Herbert Wilson and Ruth Newsome.
Constable: What do you care? I
Constable: t just seems an odd pairing.
Constable: [Shrugs] She's rich. He's rich.
Constable: Exactly! What's in it for him?

Dr. Emily Grace: [as she prepares to remove the body from the theatre] Excuse us.
Dr. Julia Ogden: It's a pity he missed the ending.

Dr. Julia Ogden: [There is a partially rotten corpse in a shallow grave] Once the Constabulary finds a body buried under suspicious circumstances, Medical Inspectors, or Coroners, are called to the scene to give their opinion.
Katherine: Definitely deceased!

Inspector: [to Jim Sykes] Get yourself a job, and stop having the missus do your duty.

Constable: "Twas twilly and the grumbly snifters burbled in their moonly sned, while the brilliutiful Noomava--" George, what does this mean?
Constable: It doesn't mean anything, Higgins. It's nonsense!
Constable: Oh. Like your novel?
Constable: [Offended] I'll have you know, I've finished Curse Of The Lost Pharaohs. It's so good, I'm sure to write another!
[Higgins smirks]
Constable: And when I do, there will be a character based on you, and he will be the village idiot!

Detective: What were you doing down at the sawmill?
Terrence: I cannot answer that.
Detective: Were you intending to meet Anton Woycek?
Terrence: I can't answer that either.
Detective: We found this, in a hidden pocket sewn into your waistcoat. Is it from Woycek?
Terrence: I most certainly cannot answer that. I'm sorry, detective, it's a matter of national security.
Detective: It's a matter of national security that I solve this man's murder.
Terrence: Why?
Detective: I can't answer that.

Agent: Do you trust him?
Inspector: Not bloody likely. Everything he says is a lie.
Detective: N... not everything. Perhaps, most things.
Terrence: It's the purpose of spycraft to deceive.

Inspector: What's my motto, Murdoch?
Detective: You have several, sir... all gems.
Inspector: No, no, no, those are aphorisms. I only have one motto, and that's 'follow the money.'

Detective: But you have given me some insight into this case.
Ruby: I have? I didn't intend to.

[first lines]
Inspector: Bloody hell! How much longer do we have to put up with this racket?
Detective: Not too long, sir. They just need to break up the concrete so they can lay the drainpipe.
Inspector: Newfangled flush toilets! The pit was good enough for me.
[the racket stops]
Inspector: Oh. Do you hear that?
Detective: What?
Inspector: My thoughts. i can actually hear them.

Detective: Please answer my questions directly, Miss Preston, and you can keep your sarcasm to yourself.
Mildred: Or what? I'll get a spanking?

Dr. Emily Grace: Judging from the body's position it's hard to tell whether the driver or pedestrian was at fault.
Inspector: Course it was the driver's fault. These bloody devil-wagons think they own the roads. They're as bad as cyclists.

Mr. Skinner: [Annoyed that Murdoch wants to question him] Will this take long, Detective? I have thirsty patrons needing eye-openers.

Detective: We're dealing with an unknown quantity, and any attempt to assess that quantity is paralyzed by our lack of evidence. All we have is a moving picture of someone gassing a lone animal.
Dr. Julia Ogden: Not an animal, William, a dog.
Detective: Hmm?
Dr. Julia Ogden: Dogs become a symbol of companionship in civilized societies. The murder of a dog requires the same cold-bloodedness as killing humans.

Detective: A noble motive makes her no less a murderer.
Father: I was hoping you wouldn't remember I said that.
Detective: I remember every word you've ever said to me. They're the words I recall whenever I have a difficult decision to make.
Father: I'm just a man, William. And I'm as fallible as the next.

Terrence: This is an unfortunate turn of events. I personally recruited McCarthy out of McGill University. Trained him myself.
Detective: Hm, perhaps *that* would explain his fate.
Terrence: I need you to help me find his killer.
Detective: Ah yes, I imagine it's a matter of
Terrence: National Security.

Count: [speaking of the murdered Kitty] I would have given my life for hers.
Detective: Well, Count, you may yet get that chance.

Detective: A million dollars in gold.
Terrance: Actually it's only worth about three hundred and seventy thousand now, Murdoch. Market value of gold has diminished somewhat since the civil war.
Detective: Hm. And what's the government going to do with all of this found money?
Terrance: Oh, that's top secret.
Detective: Really?
Terrance: Not really, no. I have no idea; not my job.
Detective: What exactly is your job, Mr. Meyers?
Terrance: Oh, that is top secret.

[first lines]
Window: Just a bit higher, Jake.
[Jake falls, the window shattering over him]
Window: Jake! Hold on, Jake! Oh God.
[Miss James runs over to help]
Window: Come on Jake. Hey, hey, careful.
Rebecca: It's all right; I know what I'm doing.
Window: Are you some kind of nurse.
Rebecca: A doctor in training.
Window: [about a glass shard in Jake's neck] How deep is it?
Rebecca: I don't know. I, I think it's obstructing his windpipe.
Window: Oh God. Hold still, Jake.
[Miss James pulls out the shard and Jake starts choking on blood]
Window: Oh, oh no, please no. What have you done!
Rebecca: Oh no. Oh no! Give me something to staunch the blood.
Window: [he hands her his scarf] Here. Come on. Hold on; come on.
Rebecca: I can't stop it.

Sargeant: I suppose there is much that we could talk about.
Detective: I suppose.
Sargeant: Would you rather we didn't?
Detective: Another fine idea.

Constable: Hey, wake up! Sir, I think we have a problem with this one.
Inspector: What is it?
Constable: He's dead.

Detective: [to Dr. Ogden] Your Miss James is an able surgeon.
Constable: She saved my life.