The Best Crippen Quotes

Inspector: You stole woman's draws ?
Crippen: I didn't intend to ? I wanted to pay for them ?
Inspector: A little present for your wife ?
Crippen: I'm not married .
Inspector: Huh? Aren't you disgusting ?

Inspector: Yeah, well, I'll see you around Barn
Capt. Barney Miller: Yeah
Inspector: Oh, listen, by the way, when me and Scofield make it, don't think I'm going to forget the old 1-2, uh, maybe a fresh paint job, a new drinking fountain
Capt. Barney Miller: Well, we'll keep a good thought
Inspector: Yeah, oh, what's the pervert's name ?
Capt. Barney Miller: Crippen
Inspector: Hi there, Mr. Crippen, sir. A moment, please. Might I ask you to remember the name Jacob Scofield, City Councilman, Borough of Manhattan ?
Crippen: Jacob Scofield ? I heard of that name
Inspector: Of course you have, sure. He's for Justice, Progress, and, uh, all that other good stuff like that, you know ?
Crippen: Oh, I'll keep that in mind
Inspector: That's all I can ask Mr. Crippen. Thank you, sir. I'll tell you Barney, first thing Scofield is going to do when he gets elected is get freaks like that off the streets. Hmm ? Cherchez la Femme, Barney.

Inspector: Good Morning
Det. Ron Harris: Hi, Inspector
Inspector: Hi Barney
Capt. Barney Miller: Inspector, what can we do for you ?
Inspector: Oh, I hear you got some security set-up over at the Greenwich Hotel for the night. Going to be some big doing going on over there.
Capt. Barney Miller: A party for local politicians, huh ?
Inspector: Yeah... Yeah. A little shin-dig for Jake Scofield, our next City Councilman, with a little luck.
Capt. Barney Miller: Jake Scofield. I've been reading his name in the paper. Haven't I ?
Inspector: Yeah... Yeah. Get this, Barney, if Scofield gets elected, guess whose got a shot at being the next full-fledged Police Commissioner of the NYPD .
Capt. Barney Miller: Okay
Inspector: Yeah.
Capt. Barney Miller: How 'bout that ? Scofield... Scofield. Wasn't he involved in those "Garbage pay-offs" ?
Inspector: That's... They haven't pinned a thing on him Barney. I've known Scofield for two years. Ever since he was Assistant Book-keeper at the Department of Sanitation, before he had a dime. You know how the newspapers jump on stuff like that, huh ?
Capt. Barney Miller: Yeah... Yeah.
Inspector: Sure
Crippen: Captain Miller, the polls will be closed in over an hour ?
Capt. Barney Miller: Okay, Mr Crippen ?
Inspector: Whose that ?
Capt. Barney Miller: That's Mr. Crippen. He was arrested for shop-lifting. Want's to vote .
Inspector: Whose he going to vote for ?
Capt. Barney Miller: I haven't asked ?
Inspector: What did he lift ?
Crippen: Captain Miller, it's my constitutional right to vote, isn't it ? Even under these circumstances.
Capt. Barney Miller: We'll see what we can do ? Wojo, take Mr. Crippen over to the polls, let him vote, then bring him back ?
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: Sure, Barn.

Det. Ron Harris: Okay, Mr. Crippen, come on... inside
Crippen: Oh, this is all a terrible misunderstanding. I assure you, I can pay for those things
Det. Ron Harris: Then, why didn't you?
Crippen: I... I... didn't have time.
Det. Ron Harris: But you had time to shove a few things into your pocket didn't you ?
Crippen: Please don't treat me like a criminal ? I am under a doctor's care
Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich: What's the matter with you ?
Crippen: I'm sick
Det. Ron Harris: Shoplifting, Barney, Siegel's department store
Crippen: It was just an impulse
Det. Ron Harris: Mr. Crippen, you want to have a seat over here
Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich: Say, you... you wouldn't have to know a Shirley Feldman would you ? Lives over 66 Central Park West
Crippen: No
Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich: She wears things like this
Det. Ron Harris: Mr. Crippen, would you like to have a seat over here please. What is you address, sir ?
Crippen: 4357 Riverside Drive... Look, I really didn't mean to steal those things. I've always paid for them in the past
Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich: Some nice stuff
Crippen: Please, if this were to get out, it could ruin my reputation. Just let me that those things back
Det. Ron Harris: Look, I can't do that, Mr. Crippen. You see, the kind of stuff you stole can't be returned
Crippen: But, they have never been worn