The Best Lt. Ben Scanlon Quotes

Det. Ron Harris: So look, had she not lunged and averted the barrel of the weapon Koppele would have been a dead man...
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana: Hmm...
Det. Ron Harris: The bullet meant for the union leader exploded harmlessly into the ether. This reporter wishes to add his commendation to those already proffered by other department personnel present at the scene
Lt. Ben Scanlon: What is that ?
Det. Ron Harris: To a Detective Janice Wentworth of the twelveth precinct. Her actions were in the finest traditions of the New York Police Department...
Lt. Ben Scanlon: Why is he saying that ?
Det. Ron Harris: Mr. Koppele himself is expected to host a reception for Detective Wentworth at his home sometime in the near future. Congratulations, Detective Wentworth from your comrades-in-arms
Lt. Ben Scanlon: What is that ?
Det. Ron Harris: It's my column for the Police Department newsletter "the Sentinel of Truth". We're waiting to go to press now
Lt. Ben Scanlon: Oh yeah ?
Det. Ron Harris: Yeah ! Well, I mean fortunately, you know being here at the twelfth, I just happened to get a scoop.
Lt. Ben Scanlon: Yeah, well, that happened to be my detail. I'm Scanlon from Manhattan South
Det. Ron Harris: Scanlon ?... Scanlon?... Scanlon?
Lt. Ben Scanlon: Lieutenant Scanlon... I was in charge
Det. Ron Harris: Oh, wow, you don't seem to be mentioned here
Lt. Ben Scanlon: Also, that's not the way the official record reads, you know
Det. Ron Harris: Oh no, What a shame ? Wow, it seems like there may be a few questions ask, huh ?
Lt. Ben Scanlon: What is this ?
Capt. Barney Miller: It's called Freedom of the Press
Lt. Ben Scanlon: It's also called extortion
Capt. Barney Miller: Semantics. See you around Scanlon
Lt. Ben Scanlon: Okay... okay, so we don't muddy up the record, hmm. Wedgewood gets a mention
Det. Janice Wentworth: Wentworth
Lt. Ben Scanlon: Sure, Wentworth, yeah. you get a mention in the report
Capt. Barney Miller: Commendation
Lt. Ben Scanlon: Big deal. Certain new facts have come to light, huh ? You get a recommend for a commendation
Det. Janice Wentworth: Thank you very much
Lt. Ben Scanlon: You ever get down to Manhattan South again, well there's a dinner in it for you too. Huh, how about that ?
Det. Janice Wentworth: No thanks, I don't fool around

Lt. Ben Scanlon: Having a little Bon Voyage party
Det. Ron Harris: Aha, you brought your party hat.
Capt. Barney Miller: Well, what brings you down Lieutenant?
Lt. Ben Scanlon: I know it's your last day. I just thought, I'd drop by and share a few memories with you guys... .Bowling ?
Capt. Barney Miller: Why not ? What can i do for you Scanlon?
Lt. Ben Scanlon: Hey, I'm not a exactly a stranger, around here, you know -- I mean, I'm always dropping in , snooping around trying to get you guys on improper conduct, insubordination, moral turpitude, corruption. Hey, we had a lot of good times together, huh !
Capt. Barney Miller: I'm really gone to miss them, Scanlon.
Lt. Ben Scanlon: Yeah, sure. Hey, don't let me intrude.
Capt. Barney Miller: Certainly not
Lt. Ben Scanlon: Anyway... I guess I'll just head back downtown
Capt. Barney Miller: Nice of you to drop in.
Lt. Ben Scanlon: Oh, before I forget to mention it... . My hardiest congratulations on making Deputy Inspector
Capt. Barney Miller: What?
Lt. Ben Scanlon: You didn't know?
Capt. Barney Miller: No I didn't.
[Barney is congratulated by the farewell party]
Lt. Ben Scanlon: And I had to be the one to tell him

Capt. Barney Miller: How long were you on Vice, Scanlon ?
Lt. Ben Scanlon: Thirteen beautiful years
Capt. Barney Miller: You were meant for each other

Lt. Ben Scanlon: I got the respect of every hooker and deviant between Times Square and the Village. Can you say that?
Capt. Barney Miller: I don't think so.

Capt. Barney Miller: Sorry to disappoint you Scanlon,.
Lt. Ben Scanlon: I beg your pardon
Capt. Barney Miller: I am not volunteering to take this test
Lt. Ben Scanlon: You must be joking
Capt. Barney Miller: You seem to be missing the point Scanlon, I never joke with you. I take you very, very, seriously.
Lt. Ben Scanlon: Hey, wait a minute, you do not want to take this test, it's all right with me. It will be duly noted of course, along with any kind of reason by way of explanation you may want to enter into the record
Capt. Barney Miller: My reason...
Lt. Ben Scanlon: Yeah
Capt. Barney Miller: Failure of Sergeant Wojciehowicz. You see, I know he telling the truth, ergo the machine is inaccurate
Mr. Sanders: That's not true
Capt. Barney Miller: Sorry, Mr. Sanders, I know you put a lot of time and effort into this
Mr. Sanders: Time and effort... what about body and soul, uh, knowledge, sweat... l what about love?
Lt. Ben Scanlon: Don't you go weird on me, Sanders?
Capt. Barney Miller: It doesn't work
Mr. Sanders: It works !
Lt. Ben Scanlon: Of course it works. It work's damn good .
Capt. Barney Miller: Scanlon, your not here because of any concrete evidence you may have against me or my men. Your on a witch hunt.
Lt. Ben Scanlon: Wait a minute. Your accusing me of a personal vendetta or something ?
Capt. Barney Miller: You may not be fast, Scanlon, but you're accurate.
Lt. Ben Scanlon: The only reason I am here is because of specific charges against this squad... I mean I am not here out of any personal distaste I may have for you or your men... You -- shut the hell up !
Capt. Barney Miller: I apologize Inspector, there does to seem to be an argument for the accuracy of this machine
Mr. Sanders: Of course there is.
Lt. Ben Scanlon: Now, wait a minute. Now... What the hell are you trying to pull Miller
Mr. Sanders: Nothing, it's just along with Sergeant Wojciehowicz's results that last assessment by this machine will also go into the record. It picks up on malice aforethought very discerningly
Mr. Sanders: Oh absolutely
Lt. Ben Scanlon: Now wait a minute
Capt. Barney Miller: One thing goes into the record, everything goes into the record.
Lt. Ben Scanlon: All right. It's all right with me.

Lt. Ben Scanlon: Hey you, you know, you got a wonderful way with words, but someday it's gonna get you get you in trouble
Det. Ron Harris: It's the story of my life. Yeah !

Lt. Ben Scanlon: A New York cop stands for nothing! At least I know I do.

Lt. Ben Scanlon: Harris! How's things down in Funkytown?
Det. Ron Harris: Oh, dey fine, dey fine!