The Best FBI Regional Bureau Chief Gordon Cole Quotes

FBI: Cooper. You remind me today of a small Mexican Chihuahua.

Dale: Gordon, there's some curious linkages here.
FBI: The word linkage reminds me of sausage. Never cared much for the links, preferred the patties, but breakfast is a real good idea.

FBI: Let a smile be your umbrella.

Shelly: Do you want some more pie? A whole pie?
FBI: Yes I would Miss Johnson, and a piece of paper and a pencil. I plan on writing an epic poem about this gorgeous pie.

[Bobby walks in on Gordon Cole and Shelley kissing]
Bobby: Hey! What the hell's going on?
Gordon: [shouting as usual] YOU ARE WITNESSING A FRONT THREE-QUARTER VIEW OF TWO ADULTS SHARING A TENDER MOMENT.
Gordon: [to Shelly] Acts like he's never seen a kiss before.
Gordon: [to Bobby] TAKE ANOTHER LOOK, SONNY, IT'S GONNA HAPPEN AGAIN!

Shelly: Would you like some pie?
FBI: Massive, massive quantities. And a glass of water, sweetheart, my socks are on fire!

FBI: I heard that!

FBI: Cooper, you remind me today of a small Mexican chi-wow-wow.

Dale: Now, Gordon. What the hell is this about a Mexican Chihuahua?
Gordon: You've got a problem of a different sort here, Coop. Two and two do not always equal four.

[Cooper is talking to his boss on the phone]
FBI: I've got an OOJ and an AFO here from Albert concerning his mano a mano with the local Sheriff Truman. Albert wants this guy's badge, Coop.
Dale: Gordon, here's how it is. You know Albert. In my opinion, Sheriff Truman displayed the patience of a saint, *not* clocking him a day earlier than he did.
FBI: He wants it filed with the U.S. Attorney.
Dale: File it under "F", for "forget it".
FBI: Cooper.
Dale: And you tell Albert that if he wants to pursue this,
FBI: [trying to interrupt] Coop.
Dale: I'll fight him all the way up the chain to Washington!
FBI: Don't get excited and hang up, now.
Dale: I'll talk to you later, Gordon.
[Cooper hangs up]