The Best Frank Pesce Quotes

Axel: Hey, man! Take off your glasses. I thought that was you, man! You *almost* got busted, I *did* get busted. I lost my whole investment because of you. Vinnie, what the hell is wrong with you, man? You know I'm a businessman. I got to work!
Vinnie: What?
Axel: You come inside here a half hour late, and on top of all that you gonna bring the goddamn cop with you, too?
Vinnie: What you talking cop? He ain't no cop!
Axel: That's Dirty Harry himself! Man, what the fuck is wrong with you gonna bring him in here?
Carlotta: You calling me a cop?
Axel: You definitely a cop!
Vinnie: He ain't no cop, he's my nephew.
Axel: Well, the dude is definitely bad luck. I don't know what he is to you; he's bad luck to me.
Carlotta: Bad luck? I'll fuckin' tell you what's bad luck. My friend's in a prison body shop fixin' all the cars that he smashed that day 'cause you had to fuck around. This guy's a fuckin' clown.
Axel: Hey, what is- Wait a second.
Carlotta: What the fucking cock you tryin' to get away with?
Axel: I'm checking you for a wire, man.
Carlotta: Get fuckin' outta here.
Vinnie: Oh, hey, hey, hey!
Axel: Why can't I check ya?
Vinnie: [speaking at the same time] Ho, ho, ho! Stop the bullshit. Stop the bullshit! Stop this bullshit. Cut the bullshit. Cut the bullshit right now. Cut the bullshit, man.
Axel: If he ain't a cop, if he ain't wired, why can't I- why can't I frisk him? Why can't- Why won't he let me frisk him, then? Then why can't I frisk him if he ain't got no wire on?
Vinnie: Look, I got 2000 blank American Express cards, right now. Gold. You got the money, you wanna do business or what?
Axel: I have the money and I *do* wanna do business, but with *you*. I ain't doing nothing in front of this dude, 'cause this dude is a cop. I know when I can smell a pig inside the room. I used to be a Muslim, man. And I know that's pork over here. And th...
[sniffs]
Axel: Yes, pork! It's definitely pork. I ain't doin' shit around this dude, man. You wanna do business, you know where to find me. Fuck you, man. Allahu Akbar.

Bailiff: [to Tony] Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?
Tony: You bet your life. Truth is my middle name!
Judge: I thought it was Morton.
[Tony pouts]