The Best Mackenzie Crook Quotes

Pintel: You know you can't read.
Ragetti: It's the bible, you get credit for tryin'.

[Teague beckons forth the dog with the keys, last left on the cannibal island]
Ragetti: Is that... can't be.
Pintel: How?
Captain: Sea turtles, mate.

[Everybody on the Black Pearl tries to shoot each other... and fails]
Gibbs: Wet powder!
[Everyone gets down to sailing the ship, crisis over...]
Pintel: Wait! We can still use them as clubs!
[Ragetti tries this idea out by whacking Pintel]
Pintel: OW!
Ragetti: Sorry. Effective, though.

Gibbs: [Tia Dalma just uncovered Jack's Black Spot] The Black Spot!
[he does a strange superstitous dance]
Ragetti: The Black Spot!
Pintel: Black Spot!
[Pintel and Ragetti do the same dance]
Jack: My eyesight's as good as ever, just so you know.

[the wildlings capture an old man outside the tower where Bran and his group are hiding. The old man sits up and pulls out a knife as Tormund walks up to him]
Tormund: That won't help you, grandpa.
[Tormund holds out his hand; the old man hands Tormund the knife, and he tosses it away]
Tormund: Where you riding?
Old: Doesn't matter now, does it?
Tormund: No. It doesn't matter now.
Orell: Cut his throat, or he'll tell the Crows we're here.
[Tormund unsheathes his sword]
Tormund: You understand.
Old: Let me stand, at least. Let me go with a bit of dignity.
[Tormund helps the old man to his feet]
Orell: [to Tormund] Make the crow kill him.
[Orell walks up to Jon]
Orell: You're one of us now. Prove it.
[inside the tower, Jojen tries to convince Bran to warg into Summer]
Jojen: The wolves are out there.
Bran: I can't do it by choice. I don't know how, it's... it happens in my dreams.
Jojen: You're a warg, Bran. It's in your blood.
Bran: I can't.
Jojen: You just did, with him.
[Jojen gestures at Hodor]
Jojen: A wolf is nothing compared to that.
[outside, Jon unsheathes his sword and lays it against the old man's neck]
Old: She looks sharp.
[Jon nods. The old man closes his eyes and begins to pray. Jon hesitates]
Ygritte: Do it. Do it!
Orell: I told you. He's still one of them.
Tormund: Go on, boy! Go on!
[Jon steels himself, swings his sword back, but can't bring himself to execute the old man. Ygritte quickly nocks an arrow to her bow and shoots the old man in the heart. The wildlings all draw their weapons as Jon goes into a defensive stance and Ygritte nocks another arrow]
Orell: He's a crow. He'll always be a crow. And here's his crow wife guarding him. He'll stab us in the back first chance he gets.
[tense pause]
Tormund: Kill him!

- Man 1: Bring them over here.
- Man 2: That was the last of them. The rest are dead.
Orell: I heard shouting up there.
- Thunder.
- I know the difference between shouting and thunder.
- Maybe it's ghosts. [Laughs]

Pintel: ...I always heard it said "kray-kin"
Ragetti: What? With a long A?
Pintel: Uh-huh.
Ragetti: Na-na-na-na-no-no no "Krah-ken"'s how it's pronounced in the original Scandinavian, and "Krakken"'s closer to that.
Pintel: Well we ain't original Scandinavians, are we? Kray-kin.
Ragetti: It's a mythological creature, I can calls it what I wants!

[Jon and Mance come upon Ygritte and Tormund, who are watching Orell's eagle as Orell himself sits on the ground in a trance]
Tormund: Shouldn't be long now.
Jon: What's wrong with him?
Mance: He's a warg. He can enter the mind of animals, see through their eyes. He's scouting for us.
Ygritte: [to Jon] What, you've never met a warg?
Mance: Orell!
[Orell wakes from his trance]
Mance: Where were you this time?
Orell: The Fist of the First Men.
Mance: What did you see?
[Orell looks at Jon and chuckles humorlessly]
Orell: Dead crows.

[Barbossa is giving orders and Jack repeats the order]
Barbossa: What are you doin'?
Jack: What are *you* doin'?
Barbossa: No, what *are* you doin'?
Jack: What are *you* doin'?
Barbossa: *No!* What *are* you doin'?
Jack: What are *you* doin'? Captain gives orders on the ship.
Barbossa: The captain of the ship *is* givin' orders.
Jack: My ship, makes me captain.
Barbossa: They be my charts!
Jack: Well, that makes you
[pause]
Jack: chartman.
Pintel: Stow it! Both of you! That's an order! Understand?
[Jack and Barbossa stare at him]
Pintel: Sorry. I just thought with the Captain issue in doubt, I'd throw my name in for consideration, sorry.
Ragetti: [to Pintel] I'd vote for you.

Will: She goes free.
[points pistol at Barbossa]
Barbossa: What's in your head, boy?
Will: She goes free!
Barbossa: You've only got one shot, and we can't die.
Jack: [whispered to Will] Don't do anything stupid.
Will: You can't. I can.
[points gun at himself]
Jack: Like that.
Barbossa: Who are you?
Jack: [to Barbossa] No one. He's no one. A distant cousin of my aunt's nephew twice removed. Lovely singing voice, though - eunuch.
Will: My name is Will Turner. My father was Bootstrap Bill Turner. His blood runs in my veins.
Ragetti: He's the spitting image of ol' Bootstrap Bill come back to haunt us.
Will: On my word do as I say, or I'll pull this trigger and be lost to Davy Jones' Locker.
Barbossa: Name your terms, Mr. Turner.
Will: Elizabeth goes free.
Barbossa: Yes, we know that one. Anything else?
Jack: [points at himself] Me!
Will: And the crew - the crew are not to be harmed.

Gibbs: Your carriage waits, my lady! The oars are inside.
[Elizabeth bids her pirate friends farewell]
Ragetti: 'Bye, poppet.
Barbossa: MRS. Turner...
Elizabeth: Jack... it would never have worked between us.
Jack: Keep telling yourself that, darling.
[Elizabeth steps forward to kiss Jack]
Jack: Once was quite enough!
Elizabeth: Thank you.

[Orell returns from scouting a nearby hut]
Orell: Only one old man and eight good horses.
Tormund: [to Jon] What's one old man doing with eight horses?
Jon: He breeds them for the Watch.
Ygritte: How does he keep folks from stealing 'em?
Jon: The Watch protects him.
Orell: Not today, they don't. He's selling horses. He's got some gold in there.
Tormund: And proper steel.
Orell: Let's carve him up.
Jon: We just take the horses and go. The old man's no threat.
Orell: [to Tormund] I keep telling you.
Ygritte: He's an old man. A spear through the heart's a better way to die than coughing up your last with no one but your horses to hear.
Jon: The Watch might send a few men looking for a horse thief. They'll send a lot more to hunt down murderers.
Tormund: I hope so. Killing crows in their castle is tough. Killing them out here in the open, that's what we do.

Tia: The Pearl's gone, along with its captain.
Gibbs: And already the world seems a little less bright. He fooled us all, right to the end. But I guess that honest streak finally won out. To Jack Sparrow.
Ragetti: Never another like Captain Jack.
Pintel: He was a gentleman of fortune, he was.
Elizabeth: He was a good man.
Will: If there was anything could be done to bring him back...
Tia: Would you do it? What would any of you do? Would you sail to the ends of the earth and back to fetch back witty Jack, and him precious Pearl?
Gibbs,10078: Aye!
Elizabeth: Yes.
Tia: All right. But if you will brave the weird and haunted shores at world's end, then you will need a captain who knows those waters.
Barbossa: [enters] So tell me, what's become of my ship?

Jack: Parleley, parlelellyleloooo, par le nee, partner, par... snip, parsley...
Ragetti: Parley?
Jack: That's the one. Parley. Parley.
Pintel: Parley? Damn to the depths whatever man what thought of "Parley".
Jack: That would be the French.

Pintel: [watching Norrington, Will and Jack fight whilst Elizabeth is screaming and throwing rocks] How'd this go all screwy?
Ragetti: Well, each wants the chest for hisself, don't 'e? Mr. Norrington, I think, is trying to regain a bit of honor. Old Jack's looking to trade it, save his own skin. And Turner there, I think 'e's trying to settle some unresolved business twixt him and his twice-cursed pirate father.
Pintel: Sad.