The Best Middle Aged Man Quotes

Styist: OK, what are we doing today?
David: Yeah. I say, give me somethin' that says, 'I get up every morning at 5:30 and commute for an hour and a half to some bullshit job where my jag-off boss expects me to kiss his balls all day just so I can afford to keep my ungrateful, screaming kids decked out in Dora the explorer shit and my wife up to her fat ass in self-help videos until the day I get up the courage to put a shotgun in my mouth.'
Middle: [Indicating his own haircut] Right here.
David: [Points in the mirror] Yeah. That's it. That's the one.