Top 30 Quotes From We're the Millers

Brad's: Can I help you?
David: Hi, you ordered two black guys. David Clark, here to see Mr Gurdlinger.
Brad's: I will tell him you're here. Can I get you anything, coffee, tea, Fresca?
David: Hmmmmm, you know what, a Fresca sounds really good.
Brad's: You got it.

Kenny: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! Oh fuck a donkey it hurts so much!
David: What hurts, Kenny?
Kenny: I'm gonna die! I'm gonna fuckin' die!
David: Kenny, you're not going to die. Tell me what's wrong.
Rose: What's wrong, Kenny?
Kenny: Fuckin' spider bit me on my balls, David! On my balls, on my balls, on my fuckin' balls!

David: What the fuck is that?
Brad: Oh, my orca. Yeah, I bought an orca. I make a lot of money.
David: So you bought a whale?
Brad: Well, I don't like sports cars.

Rose: [Scottie P. is trying to make out with Casey, who is resisting] Hey! Get your hands off of her! Come here, Casey. Now, you put your hands on her one more time, I swear I'm gonna rip that fucking tattoo right off of your chest.
[mocking]
Rose: You know what I'm sayin'?
Scottie P.: Oh, really, bitch?
Rose: Yeah, bitch.
Kenny: You know what? Why don't you leave the girls alone, man.
Scottie P.: What are you gonna do about it, Eyebrows?
Kenny: One... two...
Rose: [Punches Scottie P. in the face]
Scottie P.: OW! Broke my nose! You're a aggressive woman! Y'know wha' I'm sayin'?
[runs away]
Rose: [to Casey] Are you OK?
Casey: I'm fine. That was awesome, you just fuckin' decked him!
Rose: Yeah, well, I've dealt with handsy assholes like him at work. Come on, let's just get out of here. Thanks for the backup. Kenny, what were you counting? If you're gonna punch somebody, you punch 'em on "one."
Kenny: Well, David told me to count...
[Casey groans]
Rose: David? David hasn't punched anybody, ever.

Kenny: What did she say?
David: What the fuck do you think? She said no.
Kenny: Cool. So I guess it's just us, then. A little father and son bonding trip to Mexico.
David: Are you kidding? You and me alone in a van? It'll look like the pervert Olympics.

David: Who the fuck is Pablo Chacon?
Brad: I am. Yo soy Pablo Chacon. You don't get a lot of respect from the Mexicans when your name is Brad Gurdlinger, right?

Styist: OK, what are we doing today?
David: Yeah. I say, give me somethin' that says, 'I get up every morning at 5:30 and commute for an hour and a half to some bullshit job where my jag-off boss expects me to kiss his balls all day just so I can afford to keep my ungrateful, screaming kids decked out in Dora the explorer shit and my wife up to her fat ass in self-help videos until the day I get up the courage to put a shotgun in my mouth.'
Middle: [Indicating his own haircut] Right here.
David: [Points in the mirror] Yeah. That's it. That's the one.

Brad: Listen, this is a fucked up situation. But, I might have a win-win situation for both of us.
David: Great.
Brad: I have a smidge of very choice marijuana down in Mexico, and I need it here by Sunday night, but my regular currier is unavailable on the account of the fact he got gunned down. Anyway, that's where you come in.

Brad: Go for B-Rad
David: Hey Brad, what the fuck!
Brad: Uh oh, something wrong?
David: Yeah, something's wrong. Something's very, very wrong. You said a smidge of pot, and this is not a smidge.
Brad: Smidge and half, no?
David: Look, you got me moving enough weed to kill Willie fucking Nelson, man. Ok, they are used a god damn bucket brigade to put it on the RV as we speak!
Brad: Wait, you just walked in there, told them you were picking up for Pablo Chacon, and they were like "Yeah, no problem?"
David: Why do you sound suprized by this?

Kenny: Hey, David.
David: Hi, Kenny.
Kenny: So, I heard you and Mrs. O'Reilly fighting.
David: It's called flirting, Kenny. You'll learn about it in college. What the hell are you doing up? It's almost two. Where's your mom?
Kenny: Uh, she went for a drink with a friend.
David: When?
Kenny: Last week.

Kenny: [Sees Casey being harassed by thugs on the street] Hey! Leave her alone!
[Running to the rescue]
Kenny: Unhand her!

David: [On the phone] We're at the Corrales Regional Medical Center in the middle of Buttfuck, New Mexico.
Brad: Why?
David: Why? Why? Because this goddamn Kenny kid got his fucking nuts bit by a giant-ass spider, that's why!
Brad: That is amazing. Will you let me know if he develops any superpowers?

Todd: Hey, Rose, I know you're
[air-quotes]
Todd: "technically" on break, but I need a lap dance. Table five. Just don't get too close. The guy has two hook-hands.
Rose: [sighs] How did we let that guy back in here?
Todd: I don't know. He must've picked the locks.
[Chuckles]

Brad: It's all here! I'm blown away David, great job. But it's late, deadline was last night, so... sorry buddy. No deal.
David: Brad, I almost got killed over this shit twice.
Brad: Look, i'm not gonna be an asshole about this. I got two tons of premium weed, and yes you got Chacon pinched in the process, which is a huge win for team Brad. So how about we shake hands and call it even?
David: You were never gonna pay me, were you?
Brad: Is that a dick move? I can never tell anymore.
[DEA team then breaks in and arrests everybody]
Brad: [as Brad is being handcuffed] You double crossed me!
David: Kind of a dick move. right?

Casey: [Opens fridge, which is completely full of marijuana] Whoa. I think Snoop Dogg would fuck this fridge.

[during an argument in the RV]
David: We are NOT the fucking Brady Bunch, all right? I'm Marky Mark and y'all are the *Funky Bunch*!

David: We are all now officially international drug smugglers. Add it to the resume.

Rose: You're not a neighbor. You're a drug dealer. Whose apartment smells like cheese and feet.
David: Mm. Yeah, it's a candle I got from Anthropologie. 'Cheesy Feet' is what they call it. It's a best-seller.

David: You can buy a house and run away from it.

David: She's going to be fine. Tattooed kid on a motorcycle. Actually, she might already be pregnant.

Rose: You're making $500,000 and giving me only $30,000?
Casey: $30,000? I'm only getting $1,000!
Kenny: You guys are getting paid?

Todd: Oh, great, Rose. Glad I caught you. Um, I wanted to go over a couple of minor policy changes that we have here at the club.
Rose: Like what?
Todd: Like, I want you to start having sex with the customers for money.
Rose: What? That's totally illegal, Todd.
Todd: Come on. What are you gonna do? Besides, I gotta stay competitive with those fuckers who just opened up across the street.
Rose: You mean the Apple store?
Todd: Yeah! And they're killing us!
Rose: Oh, God. That's it. I can't do it. I quit.
Kymberly: [Enters] Did you hear the good news? Now we get to fuck the customers for money!
[Squeals]
Rose: [Dumbfounded] Wha...
Todd: Boner Garage loves it.
Rose: I'm out of here. I am out of here. I quit.

David: I just got ear-fucked in a tent. What do you want from me?

Kenny: FUCK! Oh, my God. I'm gonna die
Rose: Tell us what happened.
Kenny: A fucking sipder bit me, David. It bit me on my balls, on my fucking balls!
Rose: Oh God. Let me see it, Kenny, let me see it.
Kenny: No fucking way, you're not seeing it.
Rose: Come on. I can't help you unless you show it to me. Sweetie just show it to me.
David: Kenny, will you just man up and drop your pants?
Casey: We've all seen a dick!

Melissa: You're drug dealers?
Kenny: No, we're drug smugglers.

Rose: You're such a dick. Have fun dying alone, jerk.
David: Yeah, have fun digging out those singles from your crotch!
Rose: My crotch only takes twenties, David.

Rose: Lord, we thank thee for the blessing of this family vacation. May David find his bliss and bring us all back home safely. May Kenny and Casey fortify their sibling bond over the warm glow of our devoted hearts. And may this entire airplane find safe passage and a bountiful life. Even the Jews. Amen.

Kenny: [to Melissa] You kiss way better than my sister.
Casey: Hey!

Kymberly: Wow. You dance super-good.
Rose: Thanks.
Kymberly: I'm Kymberly. With a 'y'
Rose: I'm Rose. With an 'r'. Is that your stage name?
Kymberly: My what?
Rose: Something to protect yourself from all those creeps out there. You should pick one. You know, something simple and sexy but cute. Short, maybe. Do you have a nickname?
Kymberly: Totally!
Rose: Oh. Well, great. Then use that because you...
Kymberly: I even got a tattoo of it. Do you wanna see?
Rose: Uh, well, n...
Kymberly: [Pulls down panties, revealing tattoo that says "Boner Garage" with an arrow pointing to her crotch] Check it out.
Rose: [Reading] 'Boner Garage'. Ooh... Wow... With a little arrow there, even...

David: Oh, my God. You're a dude! Scared the hell out of me! I mean your voice was so much deeper than your bone structure.