The Best Private Mellish Quotes

Mellish: [to Dagwood DuselDorf] Your father was circumcised by my rabbi, you prick!

Private: Sir... I have an opinion on this matter.
Captain: Well, by all means, share it with the squad.
Private: Well, from my way of thinking, sir, this entire mission is a serious misallocation of valuable military resources.
Captain: Yeah. Go on.
Private: Well, it seems to me, sir, that God gave me a special gift, made me a fine instrument of warfare.
Captain: Reiben, pay attention. Now, this is the way to gripe. Continue, Jackson.
Private: Well, what I mean by that, sir, is... if you was to put me and this here sniper rifle anywhere up to and including one mile of Adolf Hitler with a clear line of sight, sir... pack your bags, fellas, war's over. Amen.
Private: Oh, that's brilliant, bumpkin. Hey, so, Captain, what about you? I mean, you don't gripe at all?
Captain: I don't gripe to *you*, Reiben. I'm a captain. There's a chain of command. Gripes go up, not down. Always up. You gripe to me, I gripe to my superior officer, so on, so on, and so on. I don't gripe to you. I don't gripe in front of you. You should know that as a Ranger.
Private: I'm sorry, sir, but uh... let's say you weren't a captain, or maybe I was a major. What would you say then?
Captain: Well, in that case... I'd say, "This is an excellent mission, sir, with an extremely valuable objective, sir, worthy of my best efforts, sir. Moreover... I feel heartfelt sorrow for the mother of Private James Ryan and am willing to lay down my life and the lives of my men - especially you, Reiben - to ease her suffering."
Mellish: [chuckles] He's good.
Private: I love him.
[they make mocking kissy-faces at each other]

Mellish: Fucked up beyond all recognition.
Upham: FUBAR.

Private: You know what that song reminds me of? It reminds me of Mrs. Rachel Troubowitz and what she said to me the day I left for basic.
Mellish: What, don't touch me?
Private: No, Mrs. Rachel Troubowitz was our super's wife. She comes into my mom's shop to try on a few things, all right? And she's easily like a uh, a 44 double E. These things are massive. And I've got her convinced that she's like a 42D, all right. So we're in the dressing room, she's trying to squeeze into this side cut, silk ribbonned, triple panel girdle with the uh, shelf-lift brassiere and it's beautiful because she's just pouring outta this thing, you know? It's beautiful. And she sees me and she can tell I got a hard on the size of the statue of liberty, all right? And she says to me, "Richard, calm down." And she says, "Now when you're over there, if you see anything that upsets you, if you're ever scared, I want you to close your eyes and think of these. You understand?" So I said, "Yes, ma'am."

Mellish: [as a column of German prisoners passes by] Juden.
[pauses]
Mellish: Juden.
[pauses]
Mellish: Juden!
Mellish: [shows star of David necklace to prisoners] I'm Juden, you know?
[pauses]
Mellish: Juuuuuuuuuuuuden!

Medic: Only thing is, sometimes she'd come home early, and I'd pretend to be asleep
Mellish: Who, your mom?
Medic: Yeah. She'd stand in the doorway looking at me... and I'd just keep my eyes shut. And I knew she just wanted to find out about my day - that she came home early... just to talk to me. And I still wouldn't move... I'd still pretend to just be asleep. I don't know why I did that.

Medic: Actually, the trick to falling asleep is trying to stay awake.
Mellish: How is that, Wade?
Medic: Well, when my mother was an intern, she used to work late through the night... sleep through the day. So the only time we'd ever get to talk about anything is when she'd get home. So what I... I used to do, I used to lie in my bed and try to stay awake as long as I could, but it never worked 'cause... 'cause the harder I'd try, the faster I'd fall asleep.
Private: Yeah well, that wouldn't have mattered none in my house. My ma, she would've come home, shook me awake, chatted me up 'til dawn. I swear that woman was never too tired to talk.
Mellish: That was probably the only time she could get a word in.

Upham: What's FUBAR?
Mellish: Oh, it's German.
[He chuckles derisively]
Mellish: Yeah.
Upham: Never heard of that.

Private: You wanna explain the math of this to me? I mean, where's the sense of riskin' the lives of the eight of us to save one guy?
Captain: Twenty degrees. Anybody wanna answer that?
Medic: Reiben, think about the poor bastard's mother.
Private: Hey, Doc, I got a mother, all right? I mean, you got a mother. Sarge's got a mother. I mean, shit, I bet even the captain's got a mother.
[he turns and looks at Miller, who has a bemused expression on his face]
Private: Well, maybe not the captain, but the rest of us got mothers.
Upham: "Theirs not to reason why, theirs but to do and die."
Mellish: La-la, la-la, la-la, la-la, la-la, la-la, la-la, la-la. What the fuck is that supposed to mean, Corporal, huh? We're all supposed to die, is that it?
Captain: Upham's talking about our duty as soldiers.
Upham: Yes, sir.
Captain: We all have orders, and we have to follow 'em. That supersedes everything, including your mothers.
Upham: Yes, sir. Thank you sir.
Private: Even if you think the mission's FUBAR, sir?
Captain: *Especially* if you think the mission's FUBAR.