700 Best Law & Order: Criminal Intent Quotes

Dr. Royce Peterson: Maybe when he was smoking that legal weed in Amsterdam, he figured out eye doctors have a better chance of getting laid than oncologists.
Robert: I don't think he was in Amsterdam for the weed.

Detective: [entering a warehouse with a strong coffee smell] Do you smell it?
Detective: I'm getting a caffeine buzz just breathing it in.

Det. Nola Falacci: He was killed with a family photo-cube. Interesting metaphor.
Detective: Is that a metaphor or a symbol, Falacci? Guess I'd have to take a Master Class to find out.

Charlie: [sees a race car wreck on TV; squeals] Woo-hoo! Look at that!
Detective: You like car races?
Charlie: Oh yeah! I got a *need* for *speed*! I'm, not that I break the law any more officer. I got plenty enough tickets to last me a life-time, but no DUI's. I don't drink. I got an allergy.
Detective: Your job. Your always climbing around in those vents, that's dangerous, huh?
Charlie: It's fun!
Detective: [to Eames] Dangerous and fun.
Detective: [deadpan] Woo-hoo.

Detective: The only medical condition you have is denial.

Nicole: [to Detective Robert Goren] Libraries have always been a refuge for me. All those books. Same for you?

Detective: We saw your show and... Well, you were phoning it in.
Dean: What about you, detective? Lost a step or two over the years, or still think you can pull off the big solve?

Mike: I haven't seen any innocent people in a long time.

Detective: I can say 'stop, police!' and 'what's your sign?' in 15 different language.

Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: Serves 'em right for eating a poor, endangered bivalve.

Detective: If I were in this family, I'd probably drink, too.

James: Congratulations, you've managed to unite atheists and Christians in common cause against police harassment.
Alexandra: We do what we can.

Detective: [about the travel arrangements for Miss Kittridge's remains] Private jet? Yeah, man, even dead these people go first class, huh.

Detective: This wasn't a robbery gone bad.
Detective: It's murder gone good.

Captain: Lock up all the career criminals and you start a turf war. The Law of Unintended Consequences.

Detective: [finding gay porn in the reverend's desk drawer] One of these things is not like the others.

Captain: I know she's supposed to be in fragile health, but pay a call on Lady Harrington; find out if she's really signing these papers, or if they're robbing her grave before she's even in it.

[last lines]
Detective: The tango just goes on.

Detective: [waving one hand tauntingly in TJ Hawkins's face] Sorry about the flies, they're all over the place.

Detective: Wait, you can't leave now that the cat's out of the bag!

Detective: [while observing a suspect in the interrogation room] She rages on, inspite of all the evidence against her.
Detective: She could confess, but where's the fun in that?

Captain: You play ball in school?
Detective: [after a pause] JV power forward. Gave it up.

Det. Peter Lyons: Look, Alexandra, most of what I do is outreach. I'm more comfortable interpreting for the community than interrogating it.
Alexandra: You helped us at the rink.
Det. Peter Lyons: Well, there your partner was right. That's a public place. This is completely different.
Alexandra: Shankly was out of line, but there is still a murderer out there targeting people who educate and care for the deaf. Are you comfortable with that?

Dr. Declan Gage: [about Goren] Genius can be very difficult to work with.

[last lines]
Detective: See, that's what happens when you keep people from doing what they do best: It makes them insane.

[Goren and Logan, dressed in similar dark suits, leave to interview a witness; Eames and Barak watch them go]
Detective: There they go. Ocean's Two.

Buildings: East 74th... here it is. Plans issued two weeks ago to an Anna Hutchinson.
Detective: You get any ID?
Buildings: Student ID from Cooper Union. Oh, yeah; I remember her.
Detective: What'd she look like?
Buildings: Uh... good-looking young woman. Slim, dark hair, shoulder-length. Glasses, black rims. You know, the art student look.
Detective: What was her demeanor like? The way she spoke; friendly or not?
Buildings: Not. An honest-to-goodness ice queen.
Detective: We'll need you to come down later to talk to our sketch artist. Thanks.
[turning to leave]
Detective: Using this girl, that's not standard procedure for a burglary crew.
Detective: It's most likely the boss's girlfriend. Anybody else wouldn't be trusted.
Detective: [her phone rings] Eames. Put him through. Yes, this is Detective Eames. That's right. I'll need the card number. Get back to me, please.
[hanging up]
Detective: Dispatcher from the limo company. The car was ordered over the phone with a credit card, name of Justin Crane.

Nicole: [to her fiancé] Why don't you make some popcorn, Daddy?

Detective: Tommy thought Beatrice was trying to get pregnant. He should've been happy.
Detective: Instead he tried to sabotage her, by changing her hours, feeding her soy. I can only think of one reason why a father would want to do that.
Detective: Unfortunately, so can I.

ADA: Is cross-dressing something people kill for these days?

Detective: [standing close to suspect, sotto voce] It occurs to me, Duane: Maybe you're one of those guys, nothin' gets you hot... You lack anatomy, Duane?

Johnny: [about Goren] Probably got lost on a doughnut run.
Detective: [enters interrogation room] I heard that.

Detective: Frank is not in program. Frank *talks* program.

Detective: [to the opera wardrobe manager] People told us you had a bug problem with your costumes. Like, really *big* bugs? Thirty pounds' worth?

ADA: Nina? Nina? Oh my God. Baby, can you hear me? What have they done to you?
Detective: They got her stabilized, Mr. Perez.
ADA: Listen, I know who did this. I know who leaked her cover. It was cops to get back at me. This is the same thing as murder. The same thing as murder!
Detective: I don't know about all that, but I can tell you who tried to kill her. The Russians.
Robert: If the Russians wanted her dead, she'd be dead.

Brigitte: [throwing Axel Kaspers' words back at him] "A revolution is not a dinner party." You were teaching; I was listening.

Detective: What about you?
Johnny: I got my daughter to protect me.
Detective: I carry a gun.
Johnny: And a badge. But no grandchildren.
Detective: [leaving the house] He has Irish Alzheimer's. Forgets everything but the grudges.
Detective: It's good he has you.
Detective: Ye, whatever. They take care of you when you're little, you care for them when they're old. Circle of life. Blah blah blah...

Detective: [giving a 'Dirty Harry' style monologue to Valerie Kelmer's boyfriend Warren D'Alacosta] You wanna rethink that answer Mr D'Alacosta? We looked into your pedigree - a couple of DUIs, a couple of dope pops, delinquent on your child support. You drive too fast, drink too much, don't meet your obligations, don't give a damn about anybody. My partner has a fancy word for people like you - psychopath. I call them screw-ups. If you want to join the 2 million of your fellow psychopaths who are already in jail just keep lying to the police.

Jamie: [referring to his late mother] She was a bit of a self-medicator.
Detective: I know the type.

Detective: We are - discreet - with innocent victims... if they behave like innocent victims.

Ron: There it is in a nutshell. Larry Wiegert's word against the governor, his wife, the chief of staff, the whole damn political machine.
Detective: There they go, down the rabbit hole.
Ron: We can still get Richard Uffland for murder.
Detective: If we can find him.
Ron: His wife can point us in the right direction.
Detective: Now why would she do that?
Ron: Because you're going to arrest her. And if she doesn't cooperate, she doesn't get out of jail.
Detective: No! That's not the deal that we made with her.
Ron: I didn't authorize you to make any deal.
Detective: You damn well did. We told her what you told us, that you had no interest in sending her to jail.
Ron: I didn't. But if I have to, I will. And now I have to.
Detective: Well I'm not arresting her.
Detective: Count me out too.
Detective: We're supposed to be better than the people we're prosecuting. The governor might've taken a bribe, but he kept up his end of the bargain.

Capt. Danny Ross: You have a tendency to overreact.
Det. Mike Logan: [yelling] I'M NOT OVERREACTING!

Joseph: [showing the newspaper] This show is Broadway Teflon. Ticket sales have doubled since the murder.
Alexandra: Never underestimate the public's appetite for blood.

Detective: This must be some kind of situation you've got on your hands.
Stuart: Why do you say that?
Detective: Well, you've loosened your tie, you've got a drink on your desk, you've got three phone lines blinking, and you're chewing the inside of your cheeks like some kind of frantic chipmunk.
Detective: [pauses, Stuart looks flustered] Are you under a lot of stress?

Detective: The woman has boyfriends coming out of her ears!

Adam: Amanda blamed everyone and everything, okay? She even had a problem with the songs.
Robert: You disagreed?
Adam: Well, being as I wrote them, yeah. You familiar with my work, detective?
Robert: [hesitating] Oh, uh...
Alexandra: [interrupting Goren] He's more of a jazz guy.

[Goren and Eames are pretending to be a "civilian" married couple interested in attending a self-help seminar]
Detective: Mr. Fuller, we were invited by someone here who works for you.
Detective: We don't know that, honey.
Detective: Anyway, no one seems to know her, uh...
[pauses, looks directly at Fuller]
Detective: You made us, didn't you? What gave us away?
Randall: Her sensible shoes. And her sleeve. It's, uh, shiny from rubbing against her holster.
[He looks at Goren]
Randall: Oh, and your belt is scratched where you clip your badge.
Detective: He's good.

Detective: I learn something new every day.

Detective: [seeing that Goren has covered two boards with random letters] I totally forgot I need an eye exam.

Mrs. Crais: He said he was in love with love, so he shot my husband of 22 years.

Detective: [wondering why doctors wanted to study Kittridge's brain] A politician's brain. Maybe they wanted to see how he talked out of both sides of his mouth.

Detective: [talking about the neighbourhood she grew up] This place used to be called Mr. k's. Cherry popsicles were a quarter. And Danny Quinlan dumped me right there in front of Moran's.
Detective: Not for being ordinary.
Detective: For kissing Nick Farrell at recess.
Detective: [smiling] Ooh, lucky Nicky!

Detective: We arrested his girlfriend.
Wally: She probably has the money. Women like money.
Detective: So do men.
Wally: That's because women like men with money.

Ken: [holding Goren] You panic, you die.

Stan: [to Goren] You know, you're awfully snoopy.
Detective: A lot of people point that out.

Detective: His future? Your future! You don't plan on dying, remember? You want to be immortal, you *got* to be immortal! And not in a, a tub of nitrogen, no! Your vessel to eternity is the Durning Foundation. To carry your legacy burning bright through the centuries. No, it's not enough for you to be humanitarian of the year; you got to be humanitarian of the millennium.
Detective: [disgusted] Shame on you.... Humanitarian... to everything and everyone, except your son... your son's tragedy. Because, Spence, however much you may like humanity, it's people that you can't stand.

Detective: [Talking about three-somes with Scott, Roger, and dates] Scott told us that your girlfriends had the time of their life with him.
Dr. Roger Stern: What are you talking about? They were debased, humiliated. I turned them into the corn cob in the pig sty, with that rutting hog on top of them. They'd look at me... wanting me to call him off!

Rani: [to his sister] You look well: House arrest agrees with you.

Detective: Have you seen the Internet? They have a fan group on Facebook.
Captain: Yeah, we're not joining it. NYPD / FBI just put out this statement.
Detective: [reading] "Despite the rhetoric, these are nothing but common criminals."
Detective: Oh, the bad guys write sexier statements than we do.
Captain: But we're not insane.
Detective: [continues reading] "There's no need to overreact. City and federal authorities have the situation well under control." If I were them, I'd want to prove this wrong.
Agent: We're taking all necessary safety precautions. What do you think we should be saying, detective?
Detective: That communism is dead and they're trying to replace a flawed system with a failed one.
Agent: You want to have a political science seminar?

Detective: [after Goren explains what certain autopsy tools were used on Kittridge for] Don't tell me they took his brain!

Detective: Could we see your cellar?
Mason: Sadly no. I need to limit the vibration and movement down there. I'm sure you understand. Carl will show you out.
Detective: A man with something to hide?
Detective: I think it's my size 13 vibe.

Detective: We can all read, Captain.

Detective: You don't look so plump and happy now, George.

Robert: So the Monsignor forced Theresa to have sex "quid pro quo" for giving her five days to return the money?
Alexandra: She's so remorseful, she kills herself.
Robert: Five days to return the money, she goes home and kills herself. You know, look at this. "What I have now done was the only path left for me."
Alexandra: So formal.
Robert: Yeah.
Joseph: [arriving at the room] Here all night?
Alexandra: You bring bagels?
Robert: See, men, women, they leave different markers when they write suicide notes. Women seem to rely more heavily on expression of feelings, like, um, thanking someone. You know, polite speech. Apologizing.
Alexandra: She was close to her parents, and they're not even mentioned.
Robert: Yes. "I acted out of greed and poor character." See, now that's a direct admission, but there's no reference to God or the Bible, or any misgivings for breaking the eighth commandment.
Joseph: The $2.7 million question is... Why was it erased?
Robert: Yeah, I don't know. But I do know that she didn't write it.

Michael: Your warrant says I have to let you search his office. It doesn't say I have to answer your questions.

Detective: [to Buchanan about his secretary, Eric] Are you lovers?
Gordon: Give me a little credit. I don't - chase after secretaries.

Detective: [On the scene of Ross' murder, FBI agents are trying to stop Goren and Eames from seeing Ross' body]
[Angrily]
Detective: So he died covering for your little covert operation?
Agent: Look no one regrets more than we do that...
Detective: Oh come on, with the regrets! You can't keep us from him! We do what our boss tells us, and you're not our boss, our boss is over there. You're not stopping us!

Detective: A millionaire's death is never simple.

Nicole: [as Goren holds her hand to administer an anthrax test] Is it everything you imagined?
Detective: Don't flatter yourself.

Donny: My mom said I had a problem with authority figures.
Detective: My mom said the same thing about me, it doesn't mean you're crazy.
Donny: To me, the really crazy people are the ones who watch reality TV, hook up with people they meet online... but that's everybody, isn't it?

Captain: He still drive a Jag?
Detective: A new one every three years. Just like his harassment lawsuits.

Detective: [sitting in the driver's seat of Roger's virgin 1962 Ferrari GTO] Oh, I wish I could tell you how this *feels.* But I can't, not in mixed company... You have no idea!
Roger: You son-of-a-bitch!
Detective: You have no idea.

Captain: What are we supposed to do, not investigate because it's against the gangsta's code?

Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: [describing the victim's stomach contents] Chicken, fish, beef, goat, plantains, beer.
Detective: Sounds like she ate half of Noah's Ark.

Detective: [to Johnny] Detective Logan knows about that kind of hate, see his mother used to make him buy booze for her.
[to Logan]
Detective: Tell him about it, he needs to know.
Detective: Well, after the first drink it was all hugs and kisses, a few drinks later, she'd grab whatever she could find and start beating me with it. Then when she got tired of holding whatever she was hitting me with, she'd use her fists. And then the next day, it would start all over again.

Lucille: [fighting tears] I just *had* to have it!

Detective: Oh, look, look! Bing! Reality!

Detective: Big day for little women.

Detective: A child's relationship with an addicted parent is - very complicated.

Barry: Isabel and I haven't been romantic since Bastille Day.
Detective: Now there's a holiday that's tough on relationships.

[Last lines]
Detective: [muttering to himself] They had kids, too.

Detective: Beauty, brains, and a complete psycho. My dream girl.

Detective: Senator Kittridge will be disappointed his polyp didn't get to save mankind from some terrible disease.

Bela: Ajay, we don't have anything to hide... do we?

Jacob: [about Miles Stone and his act] He called it "the new magic."

Detective: Your little brother? The guys at Rikers are going to be very happy to see him.

Robert: Look, every other actor on Icarus is a respected pro, right? Marc Landry was a... he was a sitcom actor. You're not giving anything away.
Michael: Okay. Off the record? Marc Landry was dreadful, atrocious. Getting killed was the best thing that ever happened to his Broadway career.

Crane: I used it to pay for groceries at D'Agnostino's. I was getting into my car to go up to Vermont when some guy bumped into me, some jogger. Must've picked my pocket.
Detective: What's this jogger look like?
Crane: Blond hair. Long blond hair, sunglasses. I didn't get a good look at him.
Detective: Maybe your friend did.
Crane: My friend?
Detective: Well, the ski report on the radio said it was bright and sunny up in Vermont. For someone who was outside all weekend, you look as pale as I do. Spending all that time indoors by yourself wouldn't have been much fun. So... can we talk to your friend?

Detective: [to Goren, lingering behind wheel of 1962 Ferrari] You have to come out now.

Detective: Hey, I showed Randazzo's diamonds to our jeweler. They were grade F; slightly flawed, great color; the worst rocks of the bunch. You were right; the Masucci angle's a lot of smoke. This guy... bad enough he shoots two witnesses. Now he throws a body in a trunk just to throw us off his trail.
Detective: Put yourself in his place. He is trying to lock in a hundred-million dollar payday.
Detective: Don't equivocate; he's a bad guy.

Dr. Peter Kelmer: If I was on the jury, *I'd* convict me!

Detective: You're not crazy about that guy?
Detective: Actually, I... I hate him.

Karl: You stupid bitch.
Gia: We're both dead, anyway. You killed us.
Detective: Think again, Gia. You got a long and healthy life ahead of you.
Detective: [she looks at him indignantly] I lied. Sorry.

Detective: There's a receipt here from "Max's Kansas City."
Detective: That used to be a happenin' place.
[Wheeler stares at Logan blankly]
Detective: It's an expression.
Detective: Groovy.

Detective: Promise me a margarita when this is all over.

Ron: This is now a press case. Assigning a cop with an asterisk next to his name could come back to bite you.

Captain: Lousy time for magazines.
Detective: My father read Inset. I remember this picture, of Ursula Andress. She had this brassiere that shot bullets.
Detective: Your father read it.
Detective: It was uh, shared. We fought over the crossword puzzles.

Detective: I hear skeletons in the family closet.

Detective: [looking at victim's keepsake photo, then sighing] Grace kept this on her pillow, like it was a dream - some place to get away from all this.
Detective: I heard you got away for a few years. You feeling some kind of kindred spirit?
Detective: Nah, I try to avoid transferrential relationships with dead people - it's always so one-sided.

Detective: And that's when you overcame your biggest fear. You changed your way of being.
Doug: Yes!
Detective: You killed your dad and transformed your life.
Doug: [nods, smiling] Yes, I did.
Detective: And you killed your brother for the same reason.
Detective: The brother who had loved you, who watched over you.
Doug: It's wasn't real love. The context wasn't authentic. He watched out for me out of guilt. It's old stuff.
Detective: It's in the past. You killed your dad and you... let it go.
Doug: Yes!
Detective: Well, so then you became everything that Grace Note promised you. I mean, like it says here in the brochure, look! You became creator of your own destiny! Wow, look at you! You're a success story!

Leonard: We're waiting, where is he?
[On the phone with subordinate]
Leonard: Oh. There you are. Hubert will answer all your questions.
Hubert: These files cover Edie's last two months of work. Performance review, loans in progress. And these are Carmine's.
Detective: Edie's performance, how was it? Her family said that she worked long hours.
Hubert: She got the work done, but she kept missing deadlines.
Detective: Any way Carmine could've submarined her?
Hubert: No, I would've caught on.
Detective: Mr. Skoller, maybe you can explain this.There are eight revisions of this loan analysis that Edie prepared. Except, each draft doesn't seem all that different from the previous. There's new punctuation marks, the graph's a little bigger Were these changes your idea?
Hubert: No. Mr. Timmons reviewed these.
Detective: A lot of busywork for nothing.
Hubert: That would be contrary to the company policy outlined in our human resource document that every employee has to review and sign once a year. If we find any other files, I'll make sure you get them right away.
Detective: Each report that Edie wrote was revised over and over again. She was called out for minor mistakes and dragged in to work weekends. Somebody had it in for her. Well, it's a hostile work environment. Maybe that's the reason for Skoller's legal-speak. The company being sued for Edie's suicide.

Detective: You want fun? Date a cop.

Detective: Maybe somebody else is pulling the reins.

Captain: Detective, what do you want me to do, ask the D.A. to hold him on suspicion of being a large, scary black man?

Waitress: This one's Colin Flynn. Sweet guy. Comes in once a week from the church across the street. Haven't seen him in a while. Something wrong with him?
Detective: Job burnout.

[last lines]
Detective: So that's what vengence gets ya - a mouthful of ashes.

Robert: You lied to me last week. I mean, it's okay. Everybody does.
Paula: When did I do it?
Robert: Well, you said that these sessions are so that I can get to know about my own mind, but that's not what this is really about.
Paula: Because NYPD sent you here?
Robert: No, because NYPD is paying you to assess my stability, my temperament, right?
Paula: So what you're saying is that I can't really be helping you and evaluating you for that? When you malfunction, I'm trying to find out what happens and when. Yes, I'm evaluating you, but I'm also trying to help you. Right now, I think the job is vital to you. The job gives you structure, sense of purpose. But you're convinced that it's the only thing that defines you. You think, without the puzzle, you don't matter. It's a lie, but it's the only one you've chosen to believe. Consider this. If everyone lies, by definition, that has to include you. And if that's true, there's no way you can trust your own judgment. Not when you put the job before the man. There's so much more to you than that.
Robert: Are you gonna take my job away?
Paula: I'm gonna tell them that you are more than capable of holding down your job and... that you have anger and trust issues that would benefit from further treatment.
Robert: Yeah, well, I've been to anger management. It only managed to make me angrier.
Paula: But you need to learn how to curb your anger to keep your job. And it's gonna be hard, but you're smart. Smart enough to learn how to game yourself. And... I could recommend a couple of therapists.
Robert: What? Recommend? What, you're passing the buck?
Paula: No, I didn't mean it like that.
Robert: No, no, no, no. Look. I'm not starting with somebody new. No. No. You've gotten to know me. You know what you're getting into.
Paula: [giving him a business card] You'll be fine. You're gonna be fine.
[leading Goren to the door]
Paula: Oh, I'd thought about the riddle, the doors, the guards.
Robert: One guards heaven, the other, hell. You have one question to ask. What will it be?
Paula: What will the other guard say if you ask him if his is the door to heaven?
Robert: Very good.
[returning the card she gave him]
Robert: Same time next week?
Paula: Okay.

A.D.A. Ron Carver: [rhetorically] What was it Clarence Darrow said? "The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children."
Detective: Only if you let them.

Paige: "Receding hairline"? That's every other editor in New York.

Captain: [about the kidnapping] You think it's real?
Mike: I don't know. Gimme a body with some blood on it at a crime scene, I'm a happy camper.

Detective: This guy isn't interested in anything but his own reflection.

Detective: So that's it, Fulla T lost his life over 'Who's the Man?'

Joseph: [being ironic] No evidence, thin motive, headlines of The New York Times pointing out the lack of suspects in this case... I'm starting to hate the theater.

ADA: [about a suspect's juvenile records] I can't help you unseal them. All you have is peas and corn kernels; you're a few lima beans short of succotash, detectives.

Detective: I miss Vice. People doing stuff for money. Guys like this. I get them.

Detective: When tourists take a bite of the Big Apple, the apple isn't supposed to bite back.

Robert: I thought about what you said. You know, I'm not afraid... I mean, maybe I am, but you were right, you know. I... my world is treacherous.
Paula: I need you to sit.
Robert: I have this friend, Louis. He works on cars. He told me that the biggest mistake that people make is they have an old car. It's worn down. It stalls all the time. They get the transmission flushed, clean out all the gunk, you know. But they kill it. You see, all that gunk, it was there for a reason. It was there to plug up all the holes. Car never runs again.
Paula: You're afraid if you get into this with me, you'll stop functioning?
Robert: You're gonna say you won't allow that to happen because... You know, I can trust you.
Paula: I wouldn't presume to tell you who to trust. I do think it's interesting that you likened yourself to an old car. Cars don't feel. They don't stop and... reflect. They're made to work, to go.
Robert: My mother... She, you know... Did her best to take care of me. But she was mentally ill. Schizophrenic.
Paula: You were only a boy?
Nicole: [Nicole Wallace's interrogation] How old were you when you first realized your mommy wasn't like all the other mommies?
Robert: [Nicole Wallace's interrogation] Seven.
Nicole: [Nicole Wallace's interrogation] Were you ashamed?
Robert: [Nicole Wallace's interrogation] And frightened. It's... it's my turn.
Paula: Detective?
Robert: I've talked to someone about this before.
Paula: In therapy?
Robert: No. In the interrogation room. I... I betrayed my family. I pimped out my family to get a... a confession.
Paula: You did what you had to. You always have. And I don't think you betrayed your mother. But what have you done for her son?

Detective: [to Wheeler] Didn't take you for a biker chick.
Detective: In high school, I worked at a pizzeria across from a motorcycle garage. The mechanics would trade rides for slices.
Detective: Working in high school? So mom and dad decided to teach you the value of money?
Detective: More like Dad disappeared and Mom waited tables at a diner down the block.

Harvey: [smiling fixedly into the bathroom mirror] Thank you so much for coming... Thank you...
Esther: [pounding on bathroom door] Harvey! What are you doing in there?
Harvey: Ma! I'm busy!

Detective: Gluttony. Now I know why it made the short list of Deadly Sins.

Mike: What the hell was that?
Captain: We may have just witnessed the first cyber-kidnapping.

Detective: Nice to see a face to the voice...!
Didier: You've got the wrong man.
Detective: I don't think so.

Stephanie: I'm doing what I have to do to keep my family together.
Detective: I respect that. I'm just telling you, plain as I know how, this investigation is going to take its course. You're the only one caring for those kids. If you go to jail, what happens them?
Stephanie: Wait. I - I can't go to jail.
McGowan: OK, what kind of consideration are we talking about here?
Detective: The DA said they're not eager to send her to jail.
McGowan: So, immunity? Probation?
Detective: Something like that. If they like what they hear.

Detective: A suicide club - and Carmine didn't know he was a member.

Detective: It's the classic misdirect, right?

Mr. Sternman: Where are you going with your boobs hanging out like that?

Detective: You deliberately gave us a flawed confession, knowing that we would catch you in a lie.
Avery: So confess to something that I actually did? Okay, I would have to be crazy.
Detective: Yeah, crazy like a fox.

Prof. Cleo Alexander: [looking into a book] Icarus! My favorite metaphor for failed ambition. Hubris. Here it is... The clew: c-l-e-w. A ball of thread or yarn.
Robert: Right, a ball of yarn that Daedalus gave to Theseus to help him escape from the labyrinth, which angered King Minos, who then imprisoned Daedalus and Icarus in the same labyrinth?
Prof. Cleo Alexander: [smiling] Are you sure you need my help?
Robert: I do need your help. Tell me more about the, uh, labyrinth.
Prof. Cleo Alexander: Well, the word is pre-Greek in origin... Minoan.
Robert: [looking to a picture in the book] I saw this in her office. The classical labyrinth... circular in pattern, unicursal.
Prof. Cleo Alexander: Single path.
Robert: Going in circles, but one path, not difficult to navigate.
Prof. Cleo Alexander: You know, in some versions of the myth, it's more of a maze... multicursal, like a puzzle with choices of direction.
Robert: But the killer... thought that they had no choice.
Prof. Cleo Alexander: Well, whoever it is, Bobby, one thing I do know. I know you. You'll find 'em.

Harry: [referring to his late wife] Adele, she was scary.

Detective: Your acting coach told us how you're obsessed with James Dean, you try to move like him, you try to talk like him, you even... is it true you have your own Sal Mineo waiting for you at home?
Johnny: You son of a bitch!

Detective: [Alex comes up to Bobby after separately interviewing] My witnesses did better than yours.

Detective: [poking around ADA Mulroney's office, delightedly] Is this a *closet*?

Detective: *God*, I'm glad I went to public school.

Zach: Taliesin was getting creamed. He normally averages 96 frags per game. That night he barely managed 23. Whoa! Look at those gibs fly!

[last lines]
Detective: They are adorable.
Detective: They are what dreams are made of. *Bad* dreams.

Detective: Nobody's reasonable when they're in love. That's the whole point of it.

Detective: [to Bernard Fremont] I guess I ask myself how Nicole would have turned out if she hadn't run into you.

Detective: I like how you made me do that. Made me cross the room, by keeping your voice down.
Jay: [smiling] It wasn't deliberate.
Detective: Come on. It's the classic "Sicilian gambit." To get me to the door. We're done anyway. Thank you for seeing us.
[Goren and Eames halt in the door frame]
Detective: Oh, by the way...

Jojo: Don't act as if you're going to live 10,000 years. Death hangs over you. While you live, while it's in your power, be good.

Paula: Detective Goren? I'm Paula Gyson. Come on in.
Robert: Sorry I'm late.
Paula: Well, it's tough to get away from your job.
Robert: No excuse.
[looking around]
Robert: Your office, it's... striking.
Paula: Thank you.
Robert: These two doors, they remind me of a riddle. You know the one? Two identical doors. Two identical guards. One guard is an angel guarding heaven, he always tells the truth. And the other guard is a devil guarding hell. He always has to lie. You have one question to ask to get into heaven. What would that question be? You'll never get it. It's... You'll...
Paula: Give me time.

Detective: [opening up a container of very nasty smelling cheese] That's Rochette. Made from sheep's milk.
Detective: You can tell that just from the smell?
Detective: It's, uh... on the label.

Coach: [addressing Goren's partner, Detective G. Lynn Bishop] Does he always beat around the bush?
Detective: I can be direct. You're divorced. You've got no kids. And basketball is pretty much it for you, Coach. You haven't won a championship in the past seven years. You might be hungry for a big win to cap your career. Hungry enough for you to get into business with Curtis Romney?
Coach: I can be direct, too. I see a problem with authority figures. You defy them. You disrespect them. The truth is, you're intimidated by them. It's the mark of a boy with an indifferent father. His absence took the joy out of playing basketball.
[Powell dismissively turns his attention back to Detective Bishop]

Detective: Will a show-and-tell help?

Eleanor: [reproachfully] Marla. This is not the trailer park.

Detective: A divorce lawyer - the gift that keeps on giving.

Detective: You know that driver? He's all jammed up on a gambling thing. That's how they got to him. How did these people get to you? Your drugs? Your kid?
Greg: I should've shot you when I had the chance.
Detective: I've heard that.

Detective: [consoling a victimized woman] You're not stupid to have faith.

[after viewing their dead suspect who is a fashion photographer]
Detective: As murders go, it's pretty flashy.

Mike: [to Lori] When's the last time you saw him?
Lori: I don't know.
Mike: Do we really have to go through this drill? The one where I search this place and find some drugs or I plant them. And either way, you come downtown, you get back in the system and that's all for a schmuck who left you?

Marion: [onstage, rehearsing soliloquy as Lady Macbeth] "Come, you spirits that tend on mortal thoughts, unsex me here and fill me - "
[Offstage, Marion's acting coach Lawrence Bradley stifles a yawn]
Marion: " - from the crown to the toe..." Harvey? Harvey! Who's going to be in the front row?

Detective: So, if you have $300 million in hot stones, who do you go to?
Avi: Whoever gives you the best price. Maybe you get 30 cents on the dollar.
Detective: $100 million. It's still a nice piece of change. So, who? The Russians?
Avi: They don't need them. They are choking on diamonds from the Kremlin vaults. Maybe the Chinese.
[looking through crime scene photos]
Avi: This is hand-tooled, not machined.
Detective: This X-brace was left welded to the safe.
Avi: I might know a man in Brooklyn.

Detective: These two could be this mutt. We had the witnesses look at mug books, but nobody jumped out at them.
James: The gray Caddie?
Detective: The kid remembered a couple of numbers from the license plate. APB's out.
James: What am I looking at?
Detective: Our John Doe; the stiff from the crime scene. It's homemade; could be a prison tattoo.
Detective: How could he get to prison without leaving his prints in the system?
James: How'd my luggage end up in Amarillo last Christmas? Where are we with matching MOs?
Detective: Doesn't fit any of the crackers in the database.
Detective: Then try a bigger database. Look, our boy is an extrovert. He's brazen, self-confident, charismatic. He imposes his girlfriend on the gang, and he's holding them together even after killing one of them. We should look at armored car heists, bank jobs, anything with public displays of firepower.
James: Okay, we wasted time chasing down this credit card. Let's make up for it. The jewelry store owner sent over surveillance tapes for the last month. Our perps could be on there casing the premises. Any volunteers?
[Goren raises his hand, but is disappointed when no one else does]

A.D.A. Ron Carver: [referring to a frightened murder suspect] So - he may be human after all.
Detective: Optimist.

Detective: Speaking of cradles, looks like you robbed one.
Detective: You're uh, looking for her, huh? You worried that you didn't inoculate her thoroughly enough against our tricks?
Nicole: She has a natural immunity to pathological liars.
Detective: Well, uh, I've never seen you so agitated.
Nicole: It must be all the pleasant memories this place brings back.

Detective: He put more holes in Mom than Pop.
Detective: You noticed that too?
Detective: Unfortunately.

Agent: Shelley's address doesn't exist, her social security number is a phony. Did you get anything from her?
Detective: Yeah, our girl never wears lipstick, and she lives near a bar.
Agent: How many bars could there be in New York City?
Detective: Four million.

Tina: Mommy and daddy aren't answering.
Paula: Oh, well, they probably just have the TV turned up, sweetheart. Okay?
Len: Friday night, Susu and Ellis in a kid-free house. What could distract them?

Detective: Your girls. They go to Mary Hill. That's ten, fifteen thousand a year for each. How do you afford it?
Terry: If something's important enough, you find a way. We're very frugal.
Detective: [chuckles] Oh... oh... My partner's a, a miser. I'm frugal. And neither of us could afford a house, two kids in a private school...
Terry: You're not that frugal. You buy nice clothes. Pay full price; nothin' in your size is ever on sale. You buy good-quality accessories, like that leather case. You're not married, so you spend money on dates. You like good food. You have someone in to clean your apartment every week. You're smart, have lots of interests and hobbies, and you spend a fortune on them. I don't wonder that you don't have money for a house; I wonder how you make subway fare, the way you spend money.

Detective: [referring to a bombing] Old-time pro who likes to keep on top of trends?
Al: Think Tony Bennett, not Steve and Eydie.

Detective: You know, actually, this home reeks of everything but concern.

Detective: [to Ethan Edwards] You had more than doubts. You knew you were lost.

Detective: Bad news comes in all packages.

Detective: Helen's going to clam up like a pistachio.

Faith: I'm not going to dignify that with a response.
Detective: You just did.

Detective: You two have a play date?

Detective: [reading a victim's text message] You're a lying bitch, I pray to God you burn in hell.

Captain: Cyber-Rashomon. Reggie says Holden shot Todd, Holden says Reggie did it and Willow doesn't even believe anyone's dead.

Janine: Eleanor understands the complex algorithm of money, social standing, and fitting in.

Detective: I'm a cop. I'm allowed to lie to criminals.

Danny: If he's such a tough guy, why didn't he take out my detectives?
Zim: 'Cause they're not in blood with him. If they were, they'd be dead - with the Nigerian.
Megan: 'In blood,' like a vendetta?
Zim: Older. From the 15th century Code of Lek.
Mike: You're not up on that, Wheeler? Goren woulda known.

Detective: Oh, listen to Coach. He's just moldin' that clay. Moldin' it until he gets what he wants out of it.

Detective: You see, Harvey, you need the approval of one special person; but Marion here, well, she wants - you know, the whole *world* to love her.

Detective: I'm just going to...
Detective: Wander aimlessly?
Detective: [smiles] Keeps me from getting lost.

[last lines]
Alexandra: Erica will be so disappointed in them.

[Last lines]
Detective: What can you do? It's family.

Detective: [Goren and Eames looking through the filthy, cluttered apartment of murdered cop, Billy 'Buzz' Davis] How come all divorced cops have the same decorator?

[poking fun at Eames for having her sisters baby]
Nicole: Tell me, did your sister let you keep the sonogram so you'd have something to cuddle up with at night?
Detective: [angrily] I see my nephew, three times a week. Being pregnant was - a great experience, Nicole. Consider yourself robbed.

Detective: She's a big girl. Confident. Struts her stuff.

Detective: You just sidestepped our question.
Dr. Katrina Pynchon: [smiles] I thought it was more polite than saying, "It's none of your business."

Coach: [bitterly] "Heads-up," huh? You really got the old man good, didn't you.
Detective: Yeah, well, that's how I beat all my men on the court, Coach: head fake.

A.D.A. Ron Carver: My only predicament here is deciding which tie to wear to your client's execution.

Captain: This guy has a death-wish, and he's going to take somebody down with him.
Detective: We can always hope he gets the order mixed up and shoots himself first.

Detective: Just what we need, an addiction driven economy.
Detective: It's better than no economy.

Detective: A normal life is not for you, Nicole... Too much damage has been done.

Detective: [Goren puts a small object in an evidence bag] Suspicious dustballs?

Detective: [watching Pike grieving on TV] Nothing like watching a crocodile shed tears.

Detective: Peas.

Detective: You're a stickler for behavioural theory. Listen to this:
[Reading out loud]
Detective: These individuals can have a grandiose view of themselves and demand excessive admiration. They manoeuvre well in difficult situations, their self-esteem is fragile. Any threat to their self-image, might agitate or even enrage them.
Detective: That's right out of a psych text book. You have Narcissistic Disorder, that's psycho-pathology that fits our Patricia to a t.
Detective: Or a sign of the Zodiac. She's a Scorpio.
Detective: Yeah. Well, you know my father would kill me for saying this, but uh. Equally valid.

Detective: I have a theory about petite women, you want to hear it?
Henry: Not particularly.

James: I want a full-court press on the Masuccis.
Detective: Our informants have been telling us that the Randazzos have been on the outs with the Masuccis since three months ago. Some dispute over liquor distribution.
James: Well, now the dispute's over diamonds.
Detective: This is not a mob thing. It's a sucker's game, Captain. This guy's just buying time.
James: He's paying a big premium. There must have been, what, a million bucks' worth of stones in Randazzo's pocket? A lot of money just to send up some smoke.

Detective: You must love dancing. You're just so - so light on your feet.
Marion: I'm a student of the dance.
[Marion exits the room]
Detective: Dance of the Merry Widow.

Detective: [to Eames] Let's lie.

Detective: Lord Pembridge?
Alexandra: Could we speak to you for a minute?
George: Well... dear, I don't know what for.
Alexandra: It's about some packages that were delivered to you.
George: Packages? I wouldn't know anything about packages.
Detective: Where are you from, Lord Pembridge?
George: From? Ah, my family's estate is just outside a little town called Leeds.
Detective: "A little town called Leeds." And what's the purpose of your visit here?
George: Pleasure. And friends.
Alexandra: What friends?
George: Oh, well, I just had a dinner for Mick and the boys. Sent them off on their world tour. And then I saw Gwynnie and Hugh. Lovely people, just lovely.
Detective: Cut it out.
[to Eames]
Detective: Isn't that the worst English accent you've ever heard?
Alexandra: Next to the Irish Spring guy, it's the worst accent, period.
George: I beg your pardon!
Detective: This mishmash of Cockney, Welsh, but miraculously I think I heard a shred of the north of England in one of your R's.
Alexandra: There are so many sounds in there, how can you tell?
George: Really, you are absurd.
Detective: I don't think he's trained.
George: [dropping the accent] Well, of course I'm trained, with Strasberg himself. I suppose you went to Yale. Now, are we gonna play this or what?
Alexandra: [reaching for her handcuffs] No, we're gonna play this.
George: Is that a real gun? Oh my God, you're really cops, aren't you?

Detective: Hey, Don Juan, you're under arrest.

Captain: Well, it's nice to see kids studying the classics.
Detective: And learning all the wrong lessons.

Detective: You're a fake. A hack...
Lionel: And you're being hyperbolic, detective.
Detective: [shouting] I'm not done!

Robert: You asked me if I... if I'm lonely. You asked if I could ever have feelings for someone...
Paula: Romantic feelings.
Robert: ...for someone I respect. But you didn't answer my question. Is it too late?
Paula: Um, you're worried that you've missed the boat? I think as we start...
Robert: Can you stop? Can you just... You know, we don't have a lot of sessions left. You know, and I'm a big boy. You know, I'm a grown man. And what is it that you said? My emotional drawbridge, it's up. Okay, I can take it. Just tell me if you think I can have what other people have. You know, a home, a relationship.
Paula: If you wanna work towards those goals, then, yeah, we can do that.
Robert: Work towards those goals. What is that? I mean, what does that mean? No? I mean, is that couched-in shrink speak?
Paula: I'm not the one saying no or it's too late. You are. Where's this coming from?
Robert: I mean, I look in the mirror every day, and I see what you see. You know, it's not working, this. You know, I ask you for your professional judgment, and then you turn it back on me. I mean, come on, you're smart. You're someone that I respect.
Paula: And you want to know if I see you as someone capable of being in a relationship.
Robert: That's what... You think that I'm hitting on you, is that you...
Paula: No!
Robert: Come on!
Paula: That's not what I was saying.
Robert: [angry] No? Look, I know what you do, doctor. You seem open, empathic, and you listen. You know, you're beautiful. So you get your patients to trust you, and then you pull back. You toy with them, and that's your game, isn't it?
Paula: Detective...
Robert: [angry] Isn't it? Isn't it? Look, this is not working for me!
Paula: I know that I have inadvertently...
Robert: [angry] You know, you should call my captain, or, you know, ONE P.P., or whoever that you report back to, and you should tell them that I am not a good candidate for therapy!
Paula: I need you to help me understand what I did wrong.
Robert: If they want to take my badge away again...
Paula: Right when you feel you need to run...
Robert: [shutting the door] This isn't working. It's not helping.

Ted: [on construction site] If somebody in my business had killed him, you woulda never found the body.
[He chuckles]

Detective: The train's about to run out of gravy.

Dr. Scott Borman: I'm no pig. Women crave me.

Detective: How'd you find her, craigslist?
Carmine: Who's Craig?

Detective: He looked like he already knew our names.
Detective: Don't flatter yourself.

Det. Mike Logan: I used to dream about Lennie, he was my old partner. And in the dream he'd always say to me, 'I'm not dead, Mike, I'm not dead', then I'd wake up, and he'd still be dead.
Holly: Maybe not, if you dreamt about him.

Captain: Maybe she'll talk.
Detective: Why? Because she's a woman? Same thing happened with Lil' Kim, she went to jail for perjury.

Marion: This can't be happening to me.
Detective: Sorry, it looks like you forgot your ruby slippers.

[last lines]
Detective: God's will.
Detective: Let's hope so.

Victoria: [to her son] All of your life you have been nothing but a burden. You and your sister - millstones around my neck!

Robert: So it's safe to say you're not big on "turn the other cheek"?
Monsignor: I realize giving her the gun was a... terrible mistake.

Detective: That's not going along, Larry, that's stickin' it to ya!

Dr. Scott Borman: We, uh, classify viruses with what we call the Baltimore System.
Detective: [mutters] Now I'm lost. You lost me again.
Dr. Scott Borman: [dismissively] It doesn't matter.

Captain: Mrs. Jarrett, if we knew this boy's name, we could pluck him out of your daughter's life like a bad tooth.

Robert: [coming close] Come on, Evan. It was a barn burner of a disaster, right? A catastrophe, a money-sucking catastrophe. I think... A career-ender.
Evan: How dare you?
Robert: [ponting to a portrait on the wall] You know, it must have been tough, your father looking over your shoulders every day. And now he's looking down on you from the great white way in the sky, and he's thinking, "I fathered... an entitled embarrassment."
Evan: All productions have problems.
Alexandra: [sarcastic] Not front-page headlines in the Daily News every day. You're the laughingstock of Broadway.

Paula: How long have you been together?
Detective: Um... You know, there have been... Breaks. Uh, I guess, like, 11 or 12 years?
Paula: How do you feel about her?
Detective: I told you, I respect her, I admire her. She puts up with my crap, you know? And as you're learning, that's not easy.
Paula: Do you love her?
Detective: What? I... She's... my partner! A profess... I mean, the last thing she would need is for me to hit on her...
Paula: No, I didn't ask you what she needs. She's a major relationship in your life. Do you have any romantic feelings for her?
Detective: [emphatically] No. She's like a sister to me.

[Last lines]
A.D.A. Ron Carver: He showed her the door to another world, and she repaid the favor.

Detective: I believe there is a part of you, Nicole, that loves Gavin. In that bunker you call a heart.

Detective: [referring to past radical movements] Disaffected teenagers. They didn't know Karl Marx from Groucho, but they liked the action.

Captain: [about Nichols] Both of his parents were psychiatrists.
Detective: Psychiatrists' kids are always crazy.
Captain: He's not crazy... exactly.

[last lines]
Detective: This search for the truth, it's... it's not for the faint-hearted.

Detective: [taking out a pack of money from a little box] There's at least $5,000 here. I didn't have that kind of spending money in college.
Detective: It's more than I have now.

Detective: I got a hit on our John Doe. I sent his prints up to Canada.
Detective: Michael Carson.
Detective: That tattoo he had, prison tattoo. Canadian prison; Archambault, up in Montreal. Carson spent three years in cell block D for possession with intent. That's why he was wearing new clothes. Whoever shot him didn't want his old clothes traced back to Canada.
Detective: How did you...?
Detective: The guy with the body art, he's got biker friends up there. Carson's parole officer hasn't seen him since a week ago last Thursday. Meaning he came down here Thursday night or Friday.
Detective: Being a felon, he would have avoided going through customs at the airport. That leaves the train, where inspections are more lax.

Robert: [sarcastically to Roger Porter] You see, we googled you... six credits on shows that Evan produced since you... you graduated... Yale drama. You're a Yale man! A dramaturge!
Roger: Stop it!
Robert: [being ironic] You know, it must be hard for artists these days, you now, the crass comercial considerations and never-ending pursuit of... Profit. You know, profit. Yeah, I guess that's why they call it show bussiness. But in the end, you are an artist, right? You create illusions, you know. You live in a world of make-believe. But this... This is real. Somebody's dead. There's a body at the morgue. And what got him there? Your fear of failure.
Evan: Bravo. I'm gonna have to cast you in my new production with that performance.
Robert: [indignant to Evan Korman] You killed a man to save your reputation.
[to Roger Porter]
Robert: And you killed a man because you wanted to be a producer? Really? To share a marquee with Evan Korman... Son of the late, great, legendary Irwin Korman?

Detective: [after reading an article by a lawyer killed by a hitman] Sounds like Old MacDonald rubbed some people the wrong way.

Jake: Death penalty? What the hell for?
Ron: Do I need to explain the felony murder statute to your client?
Jake: I didn't kill anybody!
Detective: The Kersten girl and her boyfriend, Michael Carson, Jimmy Randazzo.
Jake: That wasn't me, and who the hell is Jimmy Randazzo?
Ron: Funny thing, the law. Right hand commits the murder, let hand pays for it.
Liston: Uh, how can my client help himself here?
Ron: Names and addresses, I take the death penalty off the table.
Liston: Life without parole? Well, that's pretty steep. He-he's got no record of violence.
Ron: He does now. And the offer's not gonna hold. We found him, we'll find the others with or without his help. Life, death... you choose.

Megan: Were you insufficiently praised as a child?
Detective: Me? No. They praised me all the time, which backfired and made me think too much of myself.
Megan: You over that?
Detective: I'm working on it.

Detective: [pulling a new iPod from a teen athlete's pocket] You pay for that out of your paper route?

Detective: You have one chance to take your chestnuts out of the fire.

Detective: Karl Atwood, 38. Priors for armed robbery, assault, home invasion robbery. Convictions in New York State, Pennsylvania, Florida, and Montreal.
Detective: Archambault Prison?
Detective: Uh-huh. 18 months for attempted hijack of an armored truck.
Detective: Same time frame as Carson.
Detective: Atwood was deported back here six months ago.
Ron: Thank you, Canada. What about the girl?
Detective: Nothing in the file.

Detective: I'm just noticing, Palm Beach real estate. Business must be good, especially in this economy. You know, I just thought that pricey therapists would be something that people were cutting back on, you know, like... I don't know... white truffles.
Dr. Samantha Harper: Well, there's, uh, only one reason it's better to have wealthy clients than poor ones.
Detective: What's that?
Dr. Samantha Harper: Well, the wealthy ones know that money doesn't solve your problems.

Detective: [to a panhandler] Excuse me, sir. I have twenty dollars. I could use a brick like that.

Detective: But then, you'd be worth bringing back.
Spencer: I don't plan on dying.

Captain: [to Falacci] Detective, it's okay to have the thought; you don't always have to say it.

Detective: Every time before he spoke, he looked up. The Manson girls did the same thing during their murder trial. They were visualizing.
Detective: What's he visualizing?
Detective: Not what... who?

Detective: [Inquiring about Bernard's relationship to Nicole Wallace] Have you heard from her lately?
Bernard: Nicole is a fugitive, thanks to you two. And, no, she'd never put me in that kind of danger. She's very protective.
Detective: Well, you'd be very proud of your star pupil.
Bernard: I can't take the credit. She's a natural.
Detective: Well, she's very adept at poisons. Is that something that you taught her?
Bernard: I'll take a pass on that.

[last lines]
Detective G. Lynn Bishop: Lena got what she wanted. She stopped a killer, but at what cost?
Detective: Maybe that's what she couldn't live with.

Detective: [looking at a movie poster] "Venefica"... Ancient Roman sorceresses - they killed men by the act of love.

Detective: [referring to a blackmail case] Gay sex?
Dave: No, call-girl. Think Spitzer, not McGreevey.

Kevin: You're looking for a woman.
Detective: We found a woman.

Dean: You ask any true magician: There is always a trick.

Detective: Where were you all this time?
Ronald: I'm fifty years old. I fell asleep.

Lewis: Detective Alex!
Detective: Down, boy.

Alexandra: True love. We all want to believe.

Detective: [checking suspicious ink spills on a suspect's desk] I'm checking to see which ones are fresh.
Detective: They must love you in the produce section.

Detective: Oh, the Patriot Act. Yeah, well I read that under its original title, "1984."

Detective: I was willing to take the investigation to the end of the line.

George: He called me. He said his name was Jean, that he saw me in this Gilbert and Sullivan thing, and that he wanted me to play some Brit Eurotrash, Lord Pembridge.
Alexandra: For what? A movie?
George: Performance art. Improvisational.
Detective: Who were the other actors?
George: I don't know. I was meeting them today.
Alexandra: Where was this performance to take place?
George: In real settings. They were picking me up and driving out to JFK, and it was gonna go from there. Jean said they had a room for me at the St. Francis. That if anybody asked, I was Lord Pembridge.
Detective: And you thought you were part of the performance.
George: Yes.
Detective: [Sardonically] It never occurred to you that something illegal was afoot?
George: I'm an actor. I'm constantly broke. It was a couple of nights at the St. Francis. It sounded like fun.
Detective: Fantastic.

Detective: [watching Goren playing with the flesh on a corpse] Uck. You keep doing that, I'm gonna drop this kid right here.

Captain: [referring to a car-jacking/murder case in that happened on 9-11] I'd say they put about two hours work into this and called it quits.
Detective: Maybe because they had 2,000 other homicides to solve that day.

Captain: Great, the Goren Show's back in town.

Kenneth: It wasn't an accident, is that what you're inferring?
Detective: You mean implying. The listener infers.
Alexandra: And detectives speculate, since we don't know the cause of death yet.

Detective: She couldn't do any better than her boyfriend. Cooper Union?
Detective: No Anna Hutchinson on their student roster. Charges on Mr. Crane's credit card since it was stolen. Our thief's been living it up. Friday, $4,200 at Tourneau Watch. $2,200 at Prada.
Detective: It's John Doe's new clothes. He spent two grand on clothes for a jewelry heist.
Detective: New job, new clothes. Saturday, $300 at a camera store. More charges Sunday, today. You want to hit some of these places?
Detective: Does it bother you that the same people who just jacked $300 million are maxing out a stolen credit card?
Detective: Once a thief. You said yourself, they're impulsive.
Detective: Okay, if it doesn't bother you.

Detective: Goren, it's for you.
Detective: [seeing a large, solidly-built man with body tattoos] Friend of yours?
Detective: I sure hope so.

Detective: You - you know, I - I find paranoid schizophrenics make excellent witnesses.

Kathy: Back then, chess was life. My brother had Frazier-Ali, I had Fischer-Spassky.

Nicole: Tell me, Robert, how often do you get up to the Carmel Ridge Center?
Robert: Once a week. And a phone call every day.
Nicole: How old were you when you first realized it?
Robert: No. You want to play, then it's gonna have to be tit-for-tat. You have to tell me something true about you, about Nicole.
Nicole: All right. I did meet Nicole before I left for England. She told me things.
Robert: Where is she now?
Nicole: I don't know. Carried away by dingoes? It happens a lot in Australia.

Leonard: Seven-day work weeks are standard. Loans to companies in trouble are deadline driven, and we have a young staff with plenty of energy, and the more they burn, the more they earn.
Detective: Or burn out, Mr. Timmons, like Edie Elverson?
Leonard: This isn't work for the faint-hearted. Character weaknesses bubble up to the surface pretty fast.
Detective: Carmine Ruggiero, was that one of Edie's weaknesses?
Leonard: I never heard that. Excuse me.

Detective: You put this in the mail.
Trudy: No!
Detective: We have you on film.
Detective: It smells like almonds. I bet you know what else smells like almonds?
Detective: You're under arrest.
Trudy: No! No! Oh no!
Detective: I don't want to hurt you.

Detective: I know this guy. He's a lonely man, with a shot at happiness. He's gonna fight for it.

Detective: [referring to a dead body in latex] He died with his freak on.

Detective: As a little girl I used to dream of living this way.
Detective: It's musty in here, you can see the dead flies way up. Fake flowers. Hope you got over that.

Detective: So just in case I need an interpreter, how many languages do you speak?
Detective: Umm, well, Spanish, Yiddish, Italian, Polish, Creole. Some Russian. Some Cantonese, from working in Chinatown. You?
Detective: I can say 'stop, police' and 'what's your sign?' in fifteen different languages.

Bartender: They had white wine and bourbon. I never forget a drink.
Detective: [referring to Eames] She likes wine, huh?
Bartender: She was the bourbon.

Detective: He gave me a big hug. He said it was a great thing I was doing for my sister, and he said when the time comes, he'll hook you up with a temporary partner.
Detective: Oh no. I didn't even think of that. Well, what'd you say?
Detective: I pitied the fool.

[Goren climbs up on the pharmacy counter]
Cardenas: Excuse me, that...
Detective: Don't worry, he does this all the time.

Robert: You're lying. But that's what producers do, isn't it? You lie for a living.
Evan: Yeah, well, so are the police!

Ben: I don't need pictures of Sarah to remind me I'm married.

Captain: The New York State village justice system. "Amateur Hour."

Detective: One thing this line of work teaches us is that guys will do anything for love.

Alexandra: You're not thinking suicide.
Robert: You are?
Alexandra: The gun could have bounced when she fell. Suicide that looks like a murder?
Robert: Or a murder that looks like a suicide.

Captain: ...An improvised high explosive.
Detective: So unless this woman is planning to bleach her hair and remove her nail polish while she's cleaning bricks...
Agent: She's building one hell of a bomb.

Detective: [about a book Kaspers bought for a child] "The Wretched of the Earth." Was the bookstore out of "Charlotte's Web"?
Axel: [earnestly] Do you know the book? Can anyone know that book without being moved to take pity - to take action?
Detective: Yeah, I never step on spiders any more.

Sketch: This one from the kid, this from the camera salesman.
Detective: [taking out two more composite sketches] See a family resemblance?

Detective: Recognize this woman, Tamara Bates? She's a counter.
Detective: No, but they go through a lot of girls.
Detective: [looking at the two female counters who were shot in the head] Yeah, and we know how.

Mike: [to Robert Goren] Twenty-seven arrests, twenty-seven convictions. I *also* remember you weren't too popular.

Detective: All the sounds and smells of her disintegration.

Robert: Do you think I'm crazy?
Paula: I think you are a person who is aware that the world is a dangerous place. You found a way of surviving, but your way can make other people feel uncomfortable.
Robert: 'Challenging' and, you know, 'uncomfortable.' You're walking on egg shells with me, aren't you?
Paula: Isn't that how you like it? Hmm? It's part of your skill set, like being able to read people quickly.
Robert: It's my job.
Paula: Sure. It's protected you. But it's also taken its toll on those around you and on yourself. You are exceptional at analyzing others. Exceptional. So what is it that you think will happen if you start looking at yourself?

Detective: [to Goren] I didn't know you had an older, geekier brother.

[repeated line]
Michael: Us against the world. U-A-W.

Detective: I want to shove a stick in Kelmer's cage. See what he does.
James: What do you got in mind?
Detective: A leak to the media about finding a torso.
Detective: We're going to tell her family it's not her though, right?
Detective: No. He could find out.
Detective: I made a promise to her cousin.
James: I got to go with Bobby on this one.

Kelly: No one wants to hear you're happy.

Detective: [to Mrs. Watkins] Coach started paying more attention to Ben; you started paying more attention to Coach. You paid attention to him; Coach paid attention to Ben; Ben's stats kept improving. It's nice how that worked out, isn't it?

Detective: [appealing to criminal suspect] I mean, what's more selfish than the desire for personal freedom?

Detective: Nobody's reasonable when they're in love. That's the whole point of it!

Detective: Roger Jameson, you're under arrest for murder.
Roger: You're joking, aren't you?
Detective: Do you see us wearing clown shoes?

Captain: We know you've been under considerable stress. Your mother. Your brother. Your father...
Detective: [furious] Your girlfriend tell you that?

Dr. Scott Borman: You do know, of course, that "zoonotic" doesn't mean that the viruses came from the zoo.
Detective: It doesn't? Well, my partner was telling me that, but it doesn't make sense to me, because there's the word "zoo"...
Dr. Scott Borman: [Leers at Eames] Guys... we never listen.
Detective: [Moves to stand between half-naked Borman and Eames] You conducted seminars for 'Special Friends of the Zoo'.
Dr. Scott Borman: Well the directors think I'm a good ambassador, for the zoo.
Dr. Scott Borman: [Spits]
Detective: [Disgusted] Because you have so much in common with your animals?

Detective: Clerical error, my ass. She got to him.

Detective: Four hours without a bathroom break, I thought I was going to pop a valve.

Beatrice: Oh, daddy, how could you? We just wanted a baby.
Tommy: What would you want with a baby? Kids just ruin everything. I could've told you that.

Detective: [smelling a dead body in a trash dumpster] Bleach, he tried to clean her with bleach... excuse me.
[steps beside the dumpster and throws up]
Detective: [to a female cop at the scene] It's... understandable.

Nicole: Did it ever occur to you how much you despised him?
Detective: Who, Croydon?
Nicole: No. "Daddies," Bobby; the subject is "daddies."

Detective: [looking in ADA Mulrooney's bedroom closet] It's like two different people live here.

Frank: [about Keith] He got the best part of me, the night I rolled off of his mother.

Detective: [laughing, to Detective Eames] She stole our stapler. Maureen stole our stapler! *That's* why she has all those knick-knacks. Interesting, huh?

John: [to Detectives Goren and Eames] I lost more in one day than you'll earn in a thousand years.

Grace: That family runs on denial.

Captain: When we catch this guy, he's gonna owe me a bottle of aspirin.

Detective: He gives her a car; three months later he tries to shoot her. Sounds like love to me.

Jackie: De mortuis nihil nisi bonum.
Detective: Speak no ill of the dead.

Officer: Look, I was at home watching television. Next thing I know, I'm in a tunnel with a broken leg. Anything else, I don't remember.
Alexandra: This blackout, maybe you were doing shots in front of the TV, popping pills?
Officer: Major Case Lady, take a big bite, OK? I'm not a dope head, I'm not a drunk.
Alexandra: And you're not smart enough to hide your temper.

Philip: [writing at his desk, to the detectives] When I look up, you'll be gone.

Robert: Who decided he was Middle Eastern? Take a look around, half of our CSU guys look like him.

A.D.A. Ron Carver: Is it a cult? Brain control?
Detective: Yes.
Detective: No.
A.D.A. Ron Carver: How reassuring.

Detective: [after Rodgers gives an update on what she found during Broidy's autopsy] Anything else?
Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: He had a taco for lunch.

Captain: Good job, detectives. Now, if you can just have your paperwork ready...
Detective: [walking out of office] Save it, I'm leaving. You want to fire me, fire me. I don't care.

[last lines]
Detective: Faith trumps science, once again.
Detective: Nothing that a little calamine lotion can't fix.

Coach: If you want to talk to any of my boys, call their lawyer.
Detective: Telling 'em to lawyer up - what a way to build character.

Detective: [checking surfaces for cocaine] Try the chair.
Detective: You think she snorted it off the chair?
Detective: We're thinking she didn't snort it.
Detective: ...Oh.

Scott: [hacking into suspect's laptop] He's encrypted his animation files. I'm betting it's some pretty sick stuff.
Detective: Don't worry; I'll cover your eyes when we play it.

Detective: [up-ends a soft drink can, from which a marijuana cigarette falls] You've got roaches.

Detective: Oh, the Patriot Act. Yeah, well, I read that in its original title, "1984".

Detective: What did you do to him, Doris?
Doris: I played bad nurse with him. Tied him to Grandma's smelly bed, put on my ma's nurse cap and beat the crap out of him. But like ma said, he could take it. Hey listen, I gotta get back to work, you see Spence around you tell him hi for me.
Detective: [unenthusiastically] We will.

Detective: You wanted to transform your context.
Doug: Yes. That's what I did.
Detective: What's a "context," Doug?
Doug: [looks flustered, stutters] I... It's - it's hard to say.
Detective: It's in your letter; you don't know what it means?

Detective: This is what happened, the rest of your pretty daughter got turned into pudding and washed down the sewer system.

Detective: [referring to Alex Eames] She's like a sister to me.

Detective: [to Goren] The way she was making googly eyes at you I thought you were getting through to her.

Margaret: Don't try to play me, detective. You've got a lawyer's son, a businessman's daughter, and my son. It probably took you all of three seconds to figure out who to put the pressure on.
Mike: Not even two, Mrs. Wilcox.

Gia: I told you, they didn't plant nothing on me.
Karl: Shut up. You're stupid enough to get pinched, you're stupid enough to let them put a signal on you.
Gia: Well, then, what are they waitin' for? Baby, trust me.
Karl: They let you go, you bitch. What'd you do, get on your knees, give 'em a hummer? Huh?
Gia: I told them what they wanted to hear. It doesn't matter. It got me here with you.
Karl: They're the police. They set you up.
Gia: They tried! They tried to mess with my head. They told me that Carson's got AIDS and that you got the bug from him and that you gave it to me. They think I bought it, but I didn't.
Karl: [putting a gun to her head] I should get out now. I should leave you right here and get out.

Detective: He killed these girls and took their pictures.
Detective: Can hold their poses for hours and never complain, the perfect models.

Detective: Give it up, garbage boy!

Detective: [encountering an unexpected presence] Juliet!... And her Romeo.

Detective: It won't be pleasant for me.
Detective: Mm-mmm.
Detective: It's about getting *him*, right?
Detective: Mm-hmm.
Detective: So what's the problem.

Detective: Cat got your tongue?
[indicating one of several body parts in the anatomy lab]
Detective: Because there's an extra one here.

Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: Why do all cops think that if they'd stayed in school they could have been doctors?

Robert: [to the Monsignor] Did you know that Theresa showered twice after visiting you at the St. Regis? Twice. What do you think about that, monsignor? As evidence of a guilty mind or a tortured soul? She was disgusted by you. She scrubbed every place that you touched her.

Detective: [describing a suspect] A good aim, low morals, and... expensive tastes.

Detective: [bitterly, to the newly reinstated Detective Goren] I get it. You're the genius; I just carry your water. Right?

[last lines]
Detective: She didn't believe in Heaven or Hell, so how would she know that the Devil was massaging her neck?

Ron: I've got a case without forensic evidence, a case without...
[laughs]
Ron: I can't even prove beyond a reasonable doubt the victim is even dead!
Detective: Everything he's done to cover his tracks is evidence of a guilty mind.
Ron: Is there anything we might've missed?
Detective: We took apart his car, the plane. We checked with air traffic control along the eastern seaboard in case he turned up on somebody's radar.
James: The short answer is, what you have now is all the case you're gonna have.
Ron: "Trust me." Hell of a closing argument.
Detective: He did it. You saw him. You saw his rage.
Ron: I did, detective, but the jury never will, and his lawyer is no fool. She'll never put him up on that stand.
Detective: You put me on the stand. I'll get him up there.

Detective: [leaving an interrogation room] Bathroom break for me, not him.

Detective: Well, if he wanted to get inside Laurette's head, he needed more blondes in his life.

Alexandra: [searching Dana's apartment, picks up black brief underwear] I can see a European in these...
[picks up plaid boxers]
Alexandra: but not these.
[checks tags]
Alexandra: Different sizes.
Robert: She's very busy.

Axel: I'm just an agent of change.

Detective: [angrily] I expect perps and - and real estate agents to lie to me! Not ADA's!

[first lines]
Elliot: [to a female crew member clipping a microphone to his shirt just before air-time] You give great mike!

Detective: Well, she didn't believe in heaven and hell, so how would she know the devil was massaging her neck?

Detective: Did you find out everything you wanted to know about me?
Detective: Yeah, sure did. Bourbon, eh?

Captain: So Det. Harry Williams has just moved from lead investigator to lead suspect. I can't wait to tell the Chief of Ds.
Detective: Oh yeah? Well, I say we kick this whole mess back to the gang unit, huh? He's their problem. I'd rather stay out of it.
Detective: [Entering squad room] Logan, you looking for me?

[referring to notes on Goren's desk]
Detective: Admirers?
Detective: No, reporters. They want a comment.
Detective: Can they print a hand gesture?

Captain: [referring to a case of mistaken identity] They wacked the wrong lawyer. That beats all.

Captain: [to Detective Falacci] This isn't Brooklyn North, this is Major Case. We're dealing with a higher class of criminal.

Captain: Try to curb your enthusiasm.
Detective: I'll curb it when we get this freak locked in a box.

Detective: Do you know a Dr. Peter Kelmer?
Lisa: Yes. I'm an administrator at the hospital where he works.
Detective: I don't mean to be rude. Are you intimately involved with him?
Lisa: We work together. Any relationship we have is strictly business.
Detective: We got these photos from a private investigator. This thing you're doing to the doctor with your tongue, what business is that, strictly?

Alexandra: [as D'Onofrio empties out the incriminating contents in a black bin bag found hidden in the boot of Sandy Del Gado's car] Houston, we have a problem.

Detective: If you want to tell your husband we were here, by all means, we have no secrets from him. The more he knows, the better it is.

[Eames, while examining a recently discovered, 20 year old partly decomposed corpse, realizes the victim was wearing a very rare mini skirt]
Detective: You wore one of those?
Detective: Looked good in it, too.

Detective: We did a little dumpster diving. It's pretty nasty.

Elder: What I'm struggling to understand here is why you are more suspicious of us than of a blackmailing prostitute.
Detective: Because he has an alibi.

Mark: What's the matter, Mom? I know you've been watching me. What is it?
Laura: [whispers, her head turned away] You're a... a malignant narcissist.
Mark: What did you say?

Nathan: She was fantastic.
Detective: Not according to the text you sent last night.
Detective: My favorite is... "You used your beauty as a weapon to murder the souls of innocent men."
Nathan: I went overboard. I'm sorry.

Detective: The ice queen?
Detective: You notice anything unusual?
Detective: Not really.
Detective: It's just that she's putting lipstick on her eyeball. She's taking a picture of the safe.
Detective: [he fast-forwards] Am I missing something?
Detective: I just like to watch.
Detective: I like to listen. I'm meeting a snitch down at the Coronet.

Detective: I mean, don't ask me to buy into an idea that Goren...
Zack: We. You, me, we follow up on Goren because it's our job.
[Under his breath]
Zack: And because we don't want them putting anybody else on it.
Serena: Is this private, or can anyone participate?
Detective: Oh, join in. It's Betray Your Partner Day.
Zack: That's not what I'm saying. Let Goren know that.
[to Stevens]
Zack: See, it is fun here.

Detective: You're in deep serious now, kid.

Detective: My dad's a cop, when I have a problem he's still the first one I talk to.

Detective: [Eames asks what he thinks about abortion] I'll tell you what I think when I get pregnant.

Danny: [to Eames] What I said.
Alexandra: [to Goren] I'm supposed to keep an eye on you.
Robert: Let me know if I can help.

Detective: It's brilliant!

[last lines]
Detective: Buildings may crumble, but infamy's forever.

Meredith: I guess strangers with badges aren't exactly strangers.

Danielle: [Detective Megan Wheeler and Danielle McCaskin walk into the jail. The inmates whistle and catcall] No way can Keith spend one minute in here.
Detective: Oh, we're holding Keith at the station house now, but as soon as he gets arraigned, he's gonna end up here.
Danielle: No, he won't! He's legally a juvenile!
Detective: Not after a few nights here he's not.

Thomas M. Grady Jr.: Is this how I raised you? Huh? I gave you everything I never had. And this is what you do with it? You're no better than your grandfather.
Riordan: You mean your dad, Dad? You turned your back on him. I didn't. He's still my flesh and blood.
Thomas M. Grady Jr.: Well, maybe you ought to ask him for the name of a good legal aid lawyer.
Riordan: Come on, Dad. Come on. Be real now.
Thomas M. Grady Jr.: Detectives, read my son his rights.

Detective: [about Lester Summerhill's photo gallery] Half-naked women and animal carnage. It suggests violence against women without actually showing it.

Mark: One thing I learned in prison, Mom, is not to kill the girls I have sex with.

Nicole: Don't think for a second that this is the end of us, Bobby.

Alexandra: [reading on a Catholic Crush website] "God's perfect match in 60 days or your money back"? Wonder if I'm too old for Catechism class.

Detective: [to William Hendry] Sit!

Nicole: Adopting Asian children is all the rage, Bobby, they're practically fashion accessories.

Zack: You've been told.
Hassan: Your evidence is flawed. I'm to be released.
Zack: Yeah, you've skated on this. So some day, I'm gonna be watching CNN or pick up a paper, and there you'll be.
Hassan: Being praised for the wisdom of my rule.
Zack: More likely because somebody that you've trusted, as your rather trusted you, will have done to you as you did to your father. Will it come as a gunshot fired by a loyal chauffeur? Poison from your favorite wife? Hanged in a basement like Saddam Hussein? It's hard to say. But you know it's coming. You just don't know when.

Detective: [to Detective Nichols] You're starting to remind me of someone.

Detective: [walking into the conference room and finding Goren sitting on the floor, surrounded by neat rows and columns of open case files] I didn't know you could play Twister by yourself!

Judge: [after realising he has incriminated himself] You trapped me! I thought I could trust you, Ron!
ADA: I thought I could trust *you*... Judge.

Detective: [discussing childhood foods] So, what did Mrs. Logan make for her boy?
Detective: Rum punch.
[Barek looks silently at Logan]
Detective: Private joke.

Detective: I almost forgot, I once busted a stripper who did a thing with a glow stick, do they do that there?
Louis: Yeah, they do that.
Detective: [to Goren] I can't believe you touched that thing.

Dr. Declan Gage: [to Goren] It's tough staying engaged when you're two steps ahead of everyone else in the room.

Ron: These people, whoever they are, will eventually get around to you, your mother, or anyone else who can tie them to these murders.
Greg: My mom and son, what are you offering them?
Detective: State witness protection program? You might as well buy them a plot at Woodlawn.
Greg: Yeah, you got that right.
Detective: But I know people in the Fed. People that owe me favors. I can get someone in so deep, even I couldn't find them.
Greg: Someplace good. They need a life, and they need to be safe, both.
Isaacs: Wait a minute, you're not buying this?
Ron: I can do that.
Greg: You give me your word?
Ron: I give you my word.
Isaacs: You should be giving him immunity.
Ron: Not for two murders.

Detective: Unless they're scenting the ocean with lavender, this woman was drowned in a bathtub.

Detective: That's a good attitude, Greg. You're going to need that where you're going.

[last lines]
Detective: Must be a family trait.
A.D.A. Ron Carver: What's that?
Detective: No stomach for the truth.

Professor: This story of yours is - it's Kafkaesque.
Detective: That would make you the bug, Larry. You know what I like to do to bugs? I like to watch my partner squash them.

Detective: Do you know who Tamara's boyfriend is?
Agnes: Who says she has a boyfriend?
Detective: Uh...
[picks up men's boxers off Tamara's bed]
Detective: These?

Detective: [to prison doctor] If I take those pills, you'll put batteries in me.

Detective: [admiring a murderer's modus operandi] So he killed her without touching her.
Detective: And they say all the good men are taken.

Joanne: [to her daughter, newly arrested for murder] You are *such* a disappointment.

Detective: Who's the worst pro bono lawyer you know?
ADA: That's easy: Stan Shatenstein.
Detective: You know, hypothetically, how would we get Stan Shatenstein assigned to two defendants? What would we do?
ADA: What would you do, hypothetically? Since Mr. Shatenstein covers night court, you'd make sure your defendants were arrested after 7 p.m.

Detective: Looks like somebody stabbed him and stole his wallet.

Detective: You watched the forces gather round Sternman to kill him.
Rick: But I didn't do anything.
Detective: That's right. You did nothing, and that my friend is manslaughter.
Rick: But he owed me!
Detective: He owed you the salary he paid you.

Mike: [after Mike ends up in the hospital after the brawl at the firehouse]
[to Wheeler]
Mike: Hand me my pants, will you?
Megan: Logan, I'm really sorry that...
Mike: Wheeler, two things that I don't need right now: another fight or an apology.

Detective: [parroting a suspect] "Pret-ty girls."

Detective: There's no therapy for diminishing capacity. You've blown out your frontal lobe. Too much formaldehyde, too many years of drug abuse.
Dr. Declan Gage: "Diminishing capacity"? You wanna do the Wisconsin Card Test? The Stroop?

Hilary: [about Nicole Wallace and Bernard Fremont] She's his creation. He thinks she's perfect, poor Bernard.
Detective: Poor Bernard.

Elaine: I talk to Ron and I told him everything will be okay about his money. Then the police came and I told them about me and Ron.
Dr. Ernst: About the affair? About Ron's anger?
Elaine: Yes. But I don't know if they believed me about that, and I don't know if Ron believed me about the money. I-I meant everything that I said, I mea... -
[Elaine's voice trembles]
Elaine: why doesn't anyone take me seriously? What is it about me?
Dr. Ernst: Are you sure they didn't believe you, Elaine? You know, sometimes your self-esteem issues get in the way of your objectivity.
Elaine: [Elaine starts to cry a little] I don't know... They just, they all seemed so skeptical and they kept asking all these questions. Is it the way I talk? The plastic surgery? Why do I always end up feeling like such a fraud?
Dr. Ernst: Hmm, I don't know, Elaine... But I think this is something we really need to work on. Hmm?
[Dr. Ernst gives her a concerned look and smiles]
Dr. Ernst: ... yea.
[Elaine smiles back, takes a tissue and wipes a tear]

Detective: Here's a little police magic. Shazam! You're under arrest.

Maureen: [fondling her fur coat] All right, Ricky was here. He bought this for me.
Detective: How'd you get him to do that? Did you get him drunk?
[There is a long pause]
Detective: Is that what you did?
[Maureen stares impassively at Goren]
Detective: You got him drunk, and you took all his money.
Maureen: [defiantly] He owed me.

ADA: I don't know whether to laugh or cry. You have an offended mobster and his son. A case of mistaken identity. An incompetent hitman. A hitman's widow. A hitman's missing sister. A corrupt cop. And now another dead killer. It's... it's operatic.

Captain: I know you're worried about your nephew's safety and mental health. I'm worried about yours.
Detective: I'm fine. How are you?

Dr. Scott Borman: [about his sexual encounters] Well, they weren't singing the blues when *I* was plowing the field.

Lionel: [referring to Gareth Sage] A snake of a man.
Detective: A snake? So he's an agent.

Det. Mike Logan: You don't look like Harry Campbell.
Holly: Are you friends with the landlord?
Det. Mike Logan: I hate him.
Holly: Then I'm Holly.

Jack: Are we done here?
Robert: Uh, No. What is Tuxedo Hill? Our friends at the SEC couldn't tell us anything about it.
Jack: The Tuxedo Hill Group is a special purpose partnership capitalised by third party equity to hedge certain Mattowan assets.
Alexandra: We have no idea what you just said.

Detective: Looks like you might have done it, huh? Sent Dad to jail?
Camilla: I don't want that.
Detective: For once you snatched victory from the jaws of your mother. You showed your parents just how smart you really are.
Camilla: They know. They raised me.
Detective: Raised you? Wolves would have done a better job.

Detective: The "Grace Note" Suicide Diet!

Detective: She got her hands on this, why she didn't run?
Detective: It wasn't about that, it was about him.
Detective: Men come and go, but diamonds...
Detective: Diamonds don't keep you warm at night.

Robert: Charlene is a full-on borderline. The more drama that she creates outside herself, the calmer that she gets.

Detective: [on the phone] Sure, we'll be right over.

Detective: Do you have a lot of students in their sixties? Fifties? Forties?
Lawrence: No.
Detective: I'm guessing twenty-five is the cutoff for actresses. Twenty-six if they're pretty.
Lawrence: You have no idea.

Marla: [about her parents] They didn't like it here. It's too loud, too crowded.

Judge: It's the 4th Amendment, Detective, not the 3 2/3 Amendment.

Detective: Should we hold on to him, let him sweat?
Captain: The beauty of a material witness.

Nelda: Robert, don't you care for me at all? You do. I saw it.
Detective: I didn't mean for you to see it.

District: If only he had gone blank on that street corner.
Detective: [scratches head] Oh, but then they wouldn't get to be celebrity perps.

Frank: [to his brother] Just take Eames to a motel and get it out of your system.

Robert: Is that what it says in my file?
Paula: [looking at a big pile of papers] That? That's only part of your file.
Robert: Did you accept to do this before or after you read it?
Paula: After.
Robert: And after the more experienced psychiatrists begged off?
Paula: I didn't have to fight to get you. And it wasn't only the files. Seven employer-mandated sessions with someone... as challenging as you...
Robert: You were gonna say "crazy," weren't you?
Paula: Why do you think that?

Camera: Yes, Mr. Crane. I remember the sale. He spent two minutes looking at the camera, and bang; sold.
Detective: What'd he look like?
Camera: About six feet, medium height, red hair, short, mustache. Tinted aviator glasses.
Detective: Did he show you a driver's license?
Camera: Of course. We ask for one with every purchase.
Detective: Was anybody with him?
Camera: No.
Detective: Did he know a lot about cameras?
Camera: He knew what he was looking for. He asked for one with good low-light resolution.
Detective: And what did that tell you?
Camera: Low light; um, boudoir photos. 90% of these instant cameras, people buy them for intimate portraiture. Excuse me a sec.
Detective: [he leaves to help another customer] We got a pop on the credit card. The 3-6 has a suspect in custody.

Detective: [about bad blood products] Doctor tell me something. When you decide to dump this stuff, what do you do? Flip a coin: heads Asia, tails Africa?

Detective: [to deranged, knife-wielding woman] I lost my mom. I lost my mother recently. Can I get a glass of water from you?

Cutler's: [referring to Griscom] He's invoking his right to be silent.
Detective: Well, he doesn't have the right to be deaf, so he'll have to listen to what we have to say.

Detective: When I was a kid, I used to dream about living on a horse farm.
Detective: That's a nice dream - for a horse.

Nikki: I hope I've been helpful, detectives.
Detective: [being ironic] You have. No, you have. Except for the lie.

Detective: Worst thing that can happen to a man that wants to be remembered?
ADA: What's that?
Detective: In a year or two his own son won't know who he is.

Detective: No, no, no! I know that anger! I should have seen it coming.

Detective: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, you go to jail.

Detective: Woohoo! Steamy!

Detective: [as he tackles a fleeing but fat suspect] What's the rush, you got a date with a doughnut?

Detective: I love it when men say they babysit. When it's your own kids it's NOT babysitting, it's called being a dad.

Captain: [referring to a cop being taken away] So much for passing out brains with those gold shields.

Wally: If I look at someone when I talk to them for more than two-thirds of the time, I seem aggressive. But if I look at them for less than one-third of the time, I seem dishonest. I'm still practicing this.

Zack: [Referring Eames to Stevens] She's new.
Detective: Oh, it's fun here.

Robert: [joking around with the suspect] "Bonanza"? What a funny guy!

Nicole: [about her new husband] Do you know what I love about him most? He doesn't need anything from me.

A.D.A. Ron Carver: [Scolding Det. Goren for withholding information] Detective... If you try and run one by me like that again, I'll have your badge.

Detective: [realizing DePalma faked a holdup] A starter's pistol, I would've shot him over a starter's pistol.

[Det. Logan wants in on a case]
Captain: As you said, we're Major Case. Let me discuss it with my detectives.
Detective: No problem. Maybe I'll have some of your Major coffee.

Ethan: [to Goren and Eames] Nine-eleven was a terrible lesson that no one learned.

ADA: What did you find out from the embassy in Bangkok?
Detective: They have lovely fax cover sheets.

Tommy: [pouring glasses of grappa] Cin cin!
Detective: [as Goren prepares to drink] We're on duty.
[Goren, disappointed, lowers his glass]

Detective: [about Victoria Carson's "wrongful life" lawsuit] Maybe Lisa didn't think there was anything wrong with her life.

Detective: They stole everything but the light bulbs.

Detective: A guy can only - spend so many nights eating over the kitchen sink. He can only look at so many pictures of his former players, with their wives and their kids - before he's gotta grab that brass ring for himself.

Detective: It's a laminating machine.
Detective: Forger's friend. Nathan must have left it behind.
Detective: Serial number's still on it.
Detective: We can trace it to the store.

Detective: 'I love my husband so much I killed my lover'. Sounds like a great country song, too bad Curtis is too dead to record it.

Dr. Scott Borman: [stripping off clothes in operating area] We're all mammals in here... Right, ladies?
Nurse: Whatever you say, doctor.

Detective: See that? That's affect.

Detective: Kill one, scare a thousand.

Harry: They won't find anything, I've searched this entire area, it's not here.
Detective: That sounds like a confession to me.

Detective: How does the 'net always find out everything before we do?

Detective: [picking up a glass of wine] May I?
[tasting the wine]
Detective: A Brunello di Montalcino?
Hutton: And?
Detective: It's nice. It's a bit thin for my taste. I'm more like a Barbaresco kind of guy. You know, a little more umph.
Hutton: Well, let's just say you don't have a cop's palate.

Vic: He said that there were two kinds of wives: show dogs and mutts.

Detective: I smell blood in the water.

Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: The gonorrhea of all three boys had the same DNA.
Detective G. Lynn Bishop: Could they have gotten from each other?
Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: No, it's doubtful. Autopsies showed no rectal or oral infection.
Detective: Well, they got it from the same girl.
Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: Unless toilet seats and doorknobs are making a comeback.

Detective: [seeing Goren reading a book written by a suspect] What are you doing, underlining the dirty parts?

Robert: You don't have to do that.
Paula: How do you mean?
Robert: Empathize with me.
Paula: Is that what you think I'm doing?
Robert: Yeah, 'I'm sure you had reason not to come'. You know, 'your job is too tough... to get away from.' You're trying to gain my trust.
Paula: I don't think that would be that easy to do.

Captain: This one knows about the tickets but not the money. This one knows about the money but not the tickets. These two clowns can't keep their stories straight.
Detective: They have access codes to hundreds of bank accounts, nearly two million dollars. And they only take $100,000.
Detective G. Lynn Bishop: Barely covers their overhead.
Captain: Hmmm.
Detective: Now, $100,000 is just enough to catch our attention. Just enough to, um, lead us to these two.
Captain: They've been set up.
Detective: So have we.

Gareth: The day they let agents choose who's gonna review the books is the day even *I* think the business is too sleazy.

Danny: [about Officer Wiznesky] He's got his whole department alibi-ing him. Small town police force, protecting their own. One of my worst nightmares.

Detective: [to Dr. Christine Ansel] Boy, you can really switch it off. Must be a doctor thing.

Detective: In this neighborhood, the Neighborhood Watch watches the cops.

Detective: I'm a rage-a-holic cop who took a swing at a city councilman. Everybody thinks I'm a ticking bomb. Maybe today's the day I blow. I don't know, it's up to you.

Captain: We got the lab report on the steak knife in Hatcher's chest. Some of the blood on it was not Hatcher's.
Detective: Was it the cow's?
Captain: No, human. So it would be nice to get a DNA sample from Archie Beuliss.
Detective: We can't even get an interview.
Captain: The shrink wouldn't help?
Detective: Well, he gave Nichols a free diagnosis: issues with authority.
Captain: Tell me about it.

Nicole: [Nicole is seated across from Eames and Goren] You're both so transparent. Punishing Ella to get at me.
Detective: That's Nicole's maternal instinct, rearing its little head.
Detective: You can't deny those feelings, even if you can't have kids of your own.
Nicole: Yes, thank you. Not all of us can be blessed like you, with eggs ripe and ready for hire.

Detective: It turns out that he's a drunk, he's a gambler. You know, she does everything for him, he does nothing for her. He's not a parent.
Paula: You're angry at him.
Detective: Well, the guy's a user! You know? He's a piece of... Sorry.
Paula: Don't be. It's a tell. He presses a lot of your buttons. Why?
Detective: You think that he represents my father?
Paula: Do I? We haven't talked about your father.
Detective: He's in my file, isn't he?
Paula: No, not much. Only that he's deceased.
Detective: Well, then, there's not much to talk about. I mean, he's long gone. You know, he didn't really father me.
Paula: How do you mean?
Mark: [Goren remembering his biological father, serial killer Mark Hardy] I did some handiwork around the house when the husband wasn't there. Which was often.
Detective: Nothing. It's just... He would go away, which was often. And when he was around, he was a charming man. Loved a good time.
Paula: How so?
Detective: He used to take me to ball games, hockey.
Paula: Sounds like fun.
Detective: Didn't actually take me to games. He took me to this woman's house. Maggie's... to her apartment. You know, I would watch the game in front of a big color tv, and he would, you know... he would go into the bedroom with her. I remember the first time that he took me there. On the way back, he stopped to buy us some ices. And he told me, "let's just keep this between us men, okay, Bobby?"
Paula: He had you cover for him?
Detective: Yeah.
Paula: Do you remember how that felt?
Detective: Lying to my mother? I got used to it.
Paula: Okay. How does it feel now?
Detective: Well... My father taught me an important lesson. Everybody lies all the time.

Detective: [to Dean Holiday] You leave your eyes open when you do a read. That's your tell.

Doug: No!
[rises from his seat]
Doug: It's - it's - it's how you see it. It's the story you tell. It's not the way it is. *You* can't differentiate one thing from another, you...
[bangs on interrogation-room door]
Doug: I know how it is. I get it. You don't. You're not a "clear"!

Trevor: [to Detective Goren] My, my - a human polygraph.

Stephanie: The Swan Club is a high-Echelon marriage broker. Clients pay an annual retainer of $200,000, and if a client marries one of my girls, I get a $500,000 success fee. Some people think it's unseemly, but why shouldn't your soul mate be vetted by a professional?
Detective: Because it's soulless?

Curtis: It's called grass-roots boosterism - giving the community a team they can be proud of.
Detective: Well, I call it a long-term investment. You recruit the players. You touch their young lives with your "generosity." And then you leave a stain that they carry through their college or professional careers. A taint that you can threaten them with any time you need to shave some points.

Detective: He was Nicole's boyfriend. He taught her how to kill... He's the "School of Murder".

Detective: [apparently tipsy, to ADA Mulrooney] You might as well be working in traffic court!
[Goren laughs uproariously]

Detective: A mother that doesn't care her daughter strips in front of strangers? My mom would've killed me.

Rick: We got a problem, Jay.
Jay: Sorry, I don't know you. Okay? That's the way it's going to stay.
Rick: Jay, we have to dig it up.

Nyle: Oh, there it is again... the "j" word. I thought we agreed, there's no room for judgment in a creative workplace.
Paul: There's also no room for psychotic behavior and gross stupidity, okay?

Detective: Bing! Right here.

[looking at Goren with exasperation]
Nicole: Trespassing? Next thing you'll be handing out parking tickets.

Captain: Look, you're within your rights to walk away.
Detective: Yeah, if I do, they keep me in purgatory forever.
Captain: Watch yourself out there.
Detective: Yes, Captain. Just get me back.

Captain: [to Detective Logan] You become a problem for me, you'll be the first to know.

Frankie: Everything has always been the same.
Detective: How do you mean?
Frankie: You can't lose another life than the one you're living now, or live another one than the one you're losing.The longest life is the same as the shortest.
Detective: What's he talking about?
Detective: The longest life is the same as the shortest.I know this.
Frankie: Some things are rushing into existence.Others out of it.
Detective: Did you read this, Frankie?
Frankie: Time is a river, a violent current of events, glimpsed...
Detective: Glimpsed once, already carried past us and is gone. Yeah.That's Marcus Aurelius.The dictates of a warrior.

Detective: The twisted tango of brotherly love.

Detective: How long were you dating Sara?
Nathan: Two weeks.
Detective: And you were already texting about "the murder of innocent souls"?
Nathan: She was brilliant. She could quote Byron and Shelley...
Detective: Did you ever give her any gifts, money?
Nathan: I paid her rent this month.
Detective: That's love.

Detective: Bad guys do what good guys dream.

Alexandra: So maybe now's the time to tell you we have security footage of you in the Premier Club elevator kissing Marc Landry.
Robert: [being ironic] You know, he really could have been just giving him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
Attorney: Are they making this up, Adam?
Adam: Okay... There was a couple of times he invited me up to his apartment... Work on his performance.
Robert: Right, but isn't that the director's job?
Adam: He hated Amanda, and she hated him.
Alexandra: So you were the peacemaker.
Adam: Yes. Marc was just trying to get me on his side. I mean, you got to love actors. I mean, they're people pleasers.
Robert: [being ironic] I know. I know.

Terry: [about Goren] There's nothing innocent about that baby face.

Stephanie: [to Goren] Oh, well, you're very, very welcome. You know, if you're ever in the market for a date, I'd be happy to put you in our database.
Detective: [hesitating] Oh...
Detective: Sorry, he can't afford your meat market.

Mike: [Watching video from Spire] Those aren't women. Those two clowns are dancing with men.
Danny: The tape's timecoded. It may mortify them, but it also alibis them.

Detective: He's lobbying for a casino *and* against it.
Detective: He's playing the cowboys *and* the Indians.

Detective: Sorry, sorry I'm late. Nothing like a, uh, five hour German opera to make you really appreciate a murder scene.

Mr. De Santis: It's not one of mine.
Detective: The question was did you make it?
Mr. De Santis: Your partner is deaf?
Detective: Maybe you are. She asked you a yes or no question.
Mr. De Santis: Well, then, the answer is no.
Detective: Mr. De Santis, our crime lab can match the unique marks on this piece to the characteristics on the tools that you used to make it. Of course, we'd have to confiscate all your equipment. Might take months to get it back.
Detective: [De Santis sighs] We'll take that as a yes. Who ordered it?
Mr. De Santis: Some guy. I mean, if I never saw him again, it would be too soon.
Detective: His name?
Mr. De Santis: I don't know. Uh... Serbian. Croatian. A bald guy. Is there anything else?
Detective: Yes. You're closing early today.

1st: Rise and shine, Sharif.
Detective: He was using the Justin Crane credit card?
1st: Yeah, he was busted for buying Metro cards for his homeboys.
Detective: Where'd you get the card, Sharif?
Sharif: I told 'em, a white dude gave it to me.
Detective: When?
Sharif: On Saturday, outside the camera store down on 23rd.
Detective: What did he look like?
Sharif: Red like an apple; red hair, red lip brush.
Detective: And he just gave it to you?
Sharif: Yeah. I didn't know it was stolen. He just said, "Hey, help yourself."
1st: And then what? He got in his sleigh and rode off with his reindeer?
Sharif: No, just his big, gray Caddie.
Detective: [to Goren] Ho, ho, ho.

Detective: [Typing] Okay, so here's his first e-mail about the offer, and there's an even bigger one here. The easiest thing would be just to take the hard drive...
Zack: I wouldn't do that.
Detective: Zack.
Zack: There's a question about the legality of downloading information. But taking that hard drive, that's theft.
Detective: We're not asking you to share the risk.
Zack: I just spent the last hour trying unsuccessfully to concole Danny's sister. He was my former partner. Enough said?
Detective: [Nods] Then maybe you could find a screwdriver?
Zack: Here. Here''s a 16-Gig flash drive. You can download everything. Plus, look, what's going on here? You've made a mess.
Detective: Fine, let's clean up. We'll fill you in.

Detective: That's not eccentricity; it's mental illness.

James: AIDS. Tough break.
Detective: Tougher if it was true.
Ron: You think she believed it?
James: We better come up with another way of finding Atwood.
Detective: We searched the apartment, her purse... no leads to him or the merchandise.
Ron: What about the other one, the, uh, the Serbian?
Detective: Casten Zivkovic; he's overstayed his visa along with a million other people we can't find.
James: Let's release his and Atwood's picture to the media; put some pressure on, hope they slip up.
Detective: [seeing Gia start to chew her nail] We got her. This.
[mimicking her]
Detective: That's her blink.

Margie: [at a dance class] I'm not very good at this.
Detective: Just do what I do.
Margie: Yeah, except backwards and in high heels.

Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: [about a murder victim] Muscular legs, a stomach like a trampoline, a butt you could crack walnuts with, and she had a perfect body wax. Except for, the exclamation point.

Samir: In business, sometimes you win by surrendering.
Robert: Or lying.

Paula: So she's like a sister? It's important to you that I know that there aren't any romantic possibilities between the two of you, isn't it?
Detective: I don't get it. I mean, what...? You know... when... A man can't have a working friendship with his partner? I mean, it has to be more than that?
Paula: This is not my point. I'm wondering if you think romantic feelings for someone you admire and respect are at odds. Are there any women in your life?
Detective: The last few years I've been dealing with a lot of loss.
Paula: More than your fair share. And before that?
Detective: I've had... Relationships. It's just that in my work... You know, the hours aren't conducive. You know, a man of my age... Single a long time, you know? All of my problems... It's too late. I mean, that's what you're thinking.
Paula: What else am I thinking?... Look, between your work and your affect, you've created an emotional drawbridge that's protected you in many ways. It's a good thing. Do you ever feel lonely?

ADA: [Goren bet Carver 10-1 that a murderer will call him back] 10-1?
Detective: I've taken him on before, Mr. Carver. I'm down eighteen bucks.

Detective: Mark, he told us that there's three varieties of murder groupies: victims, psychos, and shrinks.
Detective: He said with you he's got "three mints in one."
Chantal: Oh! That loser!

Joseph: When a witness seems too good to be true, he usually is.

Ava: [giving alibi for herself and her ex-boyfriend] I was with Ralph gettin' tats.
[Ava pulls up her blouse, revealing the name RALPH tattooed in enormous Gothic letters across her midriff]
Ava: Now I gotta get *this* removed.

Detective: I hope this isn't his wish list.
[sorts through sketches of women]
Detective: He's got 3 blondes with long hair, 2 with short hair, 4 brunettes, and 3 gray haired ladies.

Dean: [pretending to read Eames's mind] I think there are... some unresolved issues... with a man in your life. Some... *trust* issues.

Nyle: I don't shower escorts with gifts. I don't serenade them with sonnets. It kind of defeats the purpose.

Detective: Sleep all day; work all night. Aren't you afraid you're missing out?
Duane: On what.

Joseph: The producer wanted his own star killed.
Robert: It was the only way to stop the bleeding, and he had someone on the inside to do the job.
Joseph: How do you prove it?
Alexandra: With the help of some egomaniacs with inferiority complexes.

Detective: You'd think Trump's secretary would use spell check.

Agent: My God, you're clever. But inconvenient, Goren.
Detective: Well, you know, multiple murders. And one of them being my captain, inspired me.
Agent: It's worth enough to hold you in federal detention.
Detective: Well, if you can figure out what to charge me with, go ahead.
Agent: You were once committed to an insane asylum.
Detective: Yeah. This insane thing. It follows me around, you know?
Agent: You came in at gunpoint with a hood over your head. You have any idea it was us?
Detective: No, not really.
Agent: That alone qualifies you for certification
Detective: There's no way that you can imagine me being useful to you?
Agent: That would be asking for a very high margin of trust.
Detective: Not if what you're doing is for the greater good.
Ron: Like you'd know what that is.
Detective: Don't question my patriotism, OKI? I resent that. I mean, drug me, lock me up, do whatever you want to do. But, uh, don't tell me how I feel about my country.
Agent: Whatever happens, you're gonna have problems from your own kind. And even if you help us, when those eggs hit the police fan, there's nothing we can do for you.
Detective: Well, Ross believed in what you were doing, and I have a lot of respect for that man, so...

[last lines]
Detective: She wasn't driven to kill out of rage; she chose to kill out of love.
ADA: Love?
Detective: It's a many-splendored thing.

Detective: [Goren pulls a necklace out of the victim's mouth] What do you think this means?
Detective: Robbery wasn't the motive?

Detective: It's my experience, people who hate their jobs, hate themselves even more.

Detective: [carefully slicing open his own palm with switchblade] Oh, look. I cut myself.

ADA: Edie Elverson's parents were preparing for a wrongful death suit two months ago. They took depositions, including Carmine Ruggiero. I convinced the Elversons' lawyer to give us a copy.
Detective: Short deposition.
ADA: The lawyer had scheduled two hours with Ruggiero, but she cut it short.
Detective: Did Longbridge settle with the Elversons?
ADA: The lawsuit was never filed. My impression is that the Elversons decided to drop it.
Detective: Maybe this is why.
[Eames is reading off a court transcript]
Detective: "Question. Was Ms. Elverson asked to work more hours than other employees? "Ruggiero. No. She told me she came in to work "because she hated being at home alone. "She was uncomfortable around her family. "Question. Did she explain what she meant? "Ruggiero. She was drinking a lot. "She was afraid they'd find out. "Question. Isn't it true she was asked to redo her work for no reason? "Ruggiero. No. It was her idea. "She said she was afraid Timmons "would notice she was making mistakes "because of her drinking and fire her."
Detective: [Goren picks up where Eames left off] "I came in one Saturday, I found her in the bathroom, getting sick. "She was drunk, she was crying. "She told me she tried to kill herself in college by taking pills. "She said no one knew. "
Detective: This is how Carmine let her down. He lied in his deposition, like a good company man, and he sank the Elversons' lawsuit
Detective: But if he dies an apparent suicide because he felt guilty about lying
ADA: It might help the Elversons' lawsuit get back on track.
Detective: I can think of one person that would make happy.

Naomi: It was an accident. Mark needs to feel powerful, but he doesn't need to kill.
Detective: If only his mother had given him that kind of understanding.

Detective: The fancier the building, the bigger the vermin in the walls.

Detective: You blew it, Nicole: your one chance for happiness, with Gavin. One chance, and you had to come back to *me*? You couldn't leave well enough alone. That's the price of denial.

Detective: [Last lines] Beauty. It's a beast.

Colin: [after having been interviewed by the detectives] I don't like where this is going.
Riordan: What, that scared you, bro? Oh come on, homeboy. I thought you were the real deal.
Colin: [sighs nervously]
Riordan: I'm starting to think you're about as street as Jessica Simpson.
Colin: Oh yeah, what does that make you?
Riordan: I'm true to the game, bro.
Colin: Easy to say if your dad used to work for the justice department.
Colin: Be easy Jack. I got ya back.
Colin: [sarcastically] Yeah.
Riordan: [unfazed, after his driver gets into the car] Come on Harold, let's roll.

Danielle: You called it fluff. You don't believe love is possible? True love?
Robert: I want to believe. Make me believe.

Detective: [to Detective Goren] You're the lapsed altar boy.

Dr. Eli Rush: I don't owe them anything. I gave them life.

Detective: It's a question of finesse, Falacci.

Detective: [to Ethan Edwards] You went searching for God. How did you end up looking for targets?

Det. Nola Falacci: Homicide Investigators' Master Class.
Detective: I'll have to check that out some day.
[Rolls his eyes]

Nicole: [to her prospective step-daughter] Sometimes daddies can love too much. You wouldn't want that.

Mike: What are you gettin' for setting me up? Are you getting your shield back, hum? Is that your thirty pieces of silver, Bobby?

Captain: What are we talking about, some kind of Manson family?
Detective: If the Manson family shopped on Madison Avenue.

Detective: [a witness is a homeless woman who has named herself God] Put God together with the sketch artist.

[last lines]
Mrs. Kenderson: Hope is for *suckers*, detective.

George: [about the sex-club scene] It was harmless fun.

Detective: He told you that people could die, and you saw it as a career opportunity.

Detective: Wasn't your aunt "family"?
Fiona: She didn't live with the family. She went to live outside, with them.
Detective: You mean outsiders - like me?
[Fiona nods silently]
Detective: Being an outsider is not such a hot thing.
Fiona: They're suckers. Outsiders are suckers.

Detective: Yeah, he may be crazy, but you're evil.

Detective: [discussing a murder victim] Alimony orders: Feldman was pulling down $700,000 a year, and the judge awarded Mrs. Feldman $1,000 a month. Out of five million in community assets, Mrs. Feldman gets $300,000.
Detective: Who *is* this judge, the Honorable O.J.?

Detective: Well... My father taught me an important lesson. Everybody lies all the time.
Paula: You don't really believe that.
Detective: I do! It's one of those early survival skills. It serves me well in my work.
Paula: Actually, in your work, some people lie, and some people don't. And you figure out who's who.
Detective: No, I try. And sometimes I believe people, even though they could be lying.
Paula: Your work isn't the only place that you've applied this lesson, is it?
Detective: I mean, do you ever get tired of asking questions that you know the answer to?
Paula: I'm sure we both do.
Detective: Then say what you mean.
Paula: Okay. Okay. When you tell yourself everyone lies, that includes me. You're letting me know that you can't trust me, that I lie to you. And you're putting a distance between us. You may be right about me. I hope you're not. But either way, we both know it isn't the first time that you've placed this rule around an intimate relationship.

Detective: No wonder he was angry. She stole his robot.

April: You said that nobody would get hurt. You promised me!
Mitch: [to detectives, sarcastically] I *promised* her. Can you believe this chick?

Detective: I've been there; every man in this room has. You were sixteen again, in your new *sweet* car. You never felt better in your life! You *had* to have her.

Detective: But she wasn't loving you back, and you thought that maybe you weren't man enough, didn't you. You had to show her that you were man enough, so you dug into your reptilian brain, and this is what you came up with: Kill the wolf at the door! Throw the body at her feet, and gates of paradise will open wide! She will give herself to you! You'll be "King of the World!" instead of a scared, old, man.

Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: [while making an impression of bite marks on his back, complimenting opera conductor Philip Reinhardt on his production of Aida, in a touching homage to recently deceased Jerry Orbach] One of the best nights of my life. Lennie Briscoe took me.

Harvey: [Talking about Marion Whitney] Oh, ma. I thought you'd like her.
Esther: Why? Are you getting married?

Bernard: Empty carcasses, devoid of dreams and ambitions.

Captain: Please don't tell me that someone shot three innocent kids just for the hell of it.

Detective: Hey, does someone mind filling us in on what's going on here?
Detective: Someone's got Anthrax. A whole lot of it.
Detective: Great. And exactly when are you going to share this with the rest of the world?
Detective: That's up to the Comissioner's Office.
Detective: Great. Those Idiots.

Detective: Those people did NOT look like zombies when they came in.

Kevin: You're way too hot to be a cop.
Detective: You're way too smart to think I'm gonna fall for that.

Detective: [Eames and Goren find a briefcase in a trashcan. Eames wants to call the bomb squad; Goren sees an ID on the briefcase and grabs it, which scares the hell out of Eames] It's good to be back.

Detective: Old jealousies never die.

Dr. Roger Stern: [to Goren and Eames, in the interrogation room] And I see my lawyer's here. Our threesome's over.

Detective: They use the same psychological coercion as cults.
Detective: So did the guy who sold me my car.

James: Upstairs bought it.
Detective: Good, because it's rainin' hookers.

Detective: Life is full of uncertainty. People need to have options. Abortion has got to be one of those options.

Detective: [Eames approaches a blood spattered Zach just minutes after the final sniper shot that has killed the misguided protagonist's daughter. Zach in a reflective monotone waxing philosophical speaks the final line of the episode, as well as the final line of the eight season's finale] That's why I never had kids. Empty vessels that daddy fills with love, compassion, empathy... 'cause you get a - a me... or a him. Opps.

Detective: Beth Harner's behavior was very, very strange that morning, but it's another rookie cop's mistake to think that strange behavior equals guilt.

[last lines]
Dr. Declan Gage: You're free now. Bobby. Yes. You're free.

Detective: Sex fiend and a bully, politics is a perfect place for him.

Gillian: My Siegfried, my savior.

Detective: [to Robert Goren] You're undercover, you don't tell me?
Captain: Those were *my* orders - direct from the top...
[Eames shakes her head and walks away from Goren and Ross]

Robert: Greek mythology seems to be a reoccurring theme in your work. Your three movies, your last musical, Pandora.
Adam: Yes, I'm drawn to the classic stories... how human nature endures.
Robert: Right. And the labyrinth... Well, it's part of the Icarus story. Daedalus... he builds the labyrinth to imprison...
Adam: The minotaur.
Robert: [looking at a picture of a circular labyrinth on the wall] Minotaur. Right. I like the way you... Well, your representation of it onstage.
Adam: Thank you. Yes, the... the labyrinth represents a journey of discovery, a pilgrimage to the truth.
Alexandra: Our job in a nutshell.

Detective: [talking to Rose about her husband] He loves you to death. To nine deaths.

Marcel: Those hicks should be dead.

Detective: What is that?
Detective: Fish scale.
Detective: Great, she was attacked by a shark.
Detective: Sharks don't have scales.
Detective: [rolls eyes]

Tommy: [to his son-in-law] In bocca al lupo.
[Usually "Good luck"; but literally "Into the mouth of the wolf."]

Megan: I started crying, and he... got this... this... little smile. He saw me crying and he smiled.

Detective: What was I supposed to do while I was pregnant? Stay home and knit?

Robert: Rick dropped out of college and got arrested for public drunkenness, aren't terrorists supposed to be better disciplined?

Detective: Look, strip down all their double-talk. What is it that Randall Fuller really said to those people?
[paraphrasing]
Detective: "Everything you've done is wrong." "Everything you are is false."
Detective: "But it wasn't your fault; you were 'programmed' that way."
Detective: "Leave it to Grace Note to give you back your life." It's *very* seductive.

Dr. Declan Gage: She tried to seduce me, Bobby!
[cackles]

Forensics: Well I analyzed the saliva on the mugs. This one had traces of animal fat, mustard...
Detective: Uh, no. Not that one. I had pastrami for lunch.
Forensics: Ahhh... that explains the antacid.

Detective: [hearing a description of a suspect] Well, that fits our profile.
[Bobby stops and stares at her]
Detective: I only pretend not to listen to you.

Terry: ...Don't suffer future pain, take care of business here and now

Sylvia: [crying] You don't know what it's like!
Detective: What, to work so hard?
Sylvia: Yes.
Detective: And still be a nobody.
Sylvia: Yes.
Detective: Welcome to the human race.

Jake: It's Atwood. It's Karl Atwood. The other guy I only know as Ziv. But he's the main guy, Atwood. He's got the goods.
Detective: Where can we find him?
Jake: I-I don't know. It's... he lives in the Upper East Side with his girlfriend. Her name is Gia, something Italian. I got a cell phone number on him.
Detective: [passing a pad over] The number.
Detective: Atwood and the girl, they've been together long?
Jake: Yeah, I think so. They got some act, those two.

Marty: [to Detective Goren] You've done good work here, but now the ball is in our wheelhouse.

Robert: It's a beautiful day today.
Paula: Yes, finally we get a spring.
Robert: You don't suppose we could take this session outside, do you? I guess you've heard that one before.
Paula: We have more privacy in here. Or is that why you wanna be outside?
Robert: Do you always do that? You think that everything is about something else? Or us?

Carmine: [to a small, lackadaisical audience] Thank you, thank you. You all come in the same cab?

Joseph: So somebody killed him, switched his body with a cadaver? That's pretty elaborate.
Robert: Killer dressed the body in Langston's clothes. He propped him up in the park, make it look like a prank, buy time while Langston's body was being cremated.
Joseph: Congratulations, it's a homicide!
Alexandra: With no crime scene, no cause of death, no motive, and our victim was last seen at an event with 100 suspects.
Joseph: You'll earn your paycheck this week.

Nicole: Keep your hands on deck. We don't want you playing with your pistol under the table.

Detective: He left you in the lurch, Gia. He left you to take the rap for four murders. That's a needle in your arm. You're letting him run?
Detective: You didn't run, did you, when he was in... prison up in Montreal, in prison with Michael Carson?
Uniform: [entering] Your autopsies just came in.
Detective: Thanks.
[laying out pictures]
Detective: Sophie Kersten. The daughter of the people who lived in the apartment; 19 years old. Uh, your boyfriend put a bullet in her brain. This is her boyfriend. We think he was shot while trying to protect her. That's what boyfriends are supposed to do. Michael Carson. The medical examiner found evidence of frequent anal sex. This is Atwood's preferred sexual act... isn't it? It's his way of dominating his partner.

Detective: That cell phone number's cribbed.
Ron: Can we use it to get Atwood?
Detective: The phone company can triangulate a call to the phone. We'll need a warrant.
Ron: I'll handle it.

Beatrice: This won't hurt a bit.
[Holding her father's bleeding hand, she squeezes lemon juice onto an open knife cut as he silently flinches]
Beatrice: Remember the first time you told me that?

Detective: As Leonard Palmeranski might say, "Why me?"

Detective: Gee, I need a hanky.

Detective: You think she'll actually be safe?
Detective: Maybe Harry was just trying to protect her.
Detective: Maybe.

Detective: I never had a partner with freckles before.
Captain: Three years undercover: drugs, vice, white collar. Nobody ever made her.
Detective: I'll believe it.

Lionel: [to Eames] My god. If I didn't know better I'd swear that was personal.

Detective: He would have arrived on the train from Montreal last Thursday or Friday with luggage, computer equipment, that sort of thing.
Redcap: Yeah, I seen this boy Friday afternoon. Helped him with his bags; black canvas bags. He would have been a good tipper, but he had this friend with him.
Detective: He was traveling with somebody?
Redcap: No, no, somebody met him.
Detective: Did you catch a name?
Redcap: Uh... Jake. Pretty sure it was Jake.
Detective: Thank you.
Redcap: [cut to the precinct; he looks through a book of mugshots] There he is.
Detective: [taking the picture out] Jacob Nathan; forgery, possession of stolen goods, larceny.
Redcap: And tight with his money, too.

Trevor: Egg cup!

Kelly: This is a small town. I've learned to ignore the rumor mill. I just try to kee...
Robert: Smiling.

Detective: You used her, John. She was weak and you used her. That really pisses me off.

Nicole: I thought this was the land of second chances.
Detective: There are no second chances for you, Nicole. Because wherever you go, people die.

Ethan: My allegiance is to God - to Allah.

Amy: An earring whore.

Bing: What good is having a friend at the FDA if the friend is an idiot?

Detective: The only money I ever got from my family was the 50 bucks my Dad gave me for my prom dress.
Detective: Is that the same year you were selling apples in front of City Hall?
Detective: It was matchsticks, and it was snowing.

Detective: You look like somebody just punched a hole in your hole.

Jake: I can't find it, man. I looked everywhere. Damn it, I'm a jerk! I must have left it behind!
Karl: Can't you get another one?
Jake: I need it, man! I need it to make the passports!
Karl: Don't even think about it. Buy another one.
Jake: I'm not spending another 500 bucks on something I already bought. This machine cost 500 bucks!
Karl: Listen to me, you cheap bastard. You go anywhere near that place, I'm gonna put a bullet in your skull. Now, you got a quarter-share of a hundred million coming. You can front 500 bucks.
Jake: All right, but when are we gonna see our dough, man? I gotta get out of here.
Karl: I am working on the problem! You work on yours.

Detective: Come on, you're a small guy. What size shoe do you wear?
[throws his leg up on the table]
Detective: I wear a 13.
[stands up and peers under the table]
Detective: You look like a 9, or... what, like an 8?
Henry: I'm an...
[waves his hands around]
Henry: Oh, God, why am I even, I don't want to talk to you about this! Don't drag me into this!
Detective: Ah! You've got small hands, too!

Detective: [Last lines]
Detective: That's why I never had kids. Empty vessels that Daddy fills with love, compassion, empathy... 'cause you get a - a me... or a him. Oops.

Detective: [Goren asks Chinese shop owner a question in Chinese]
Shop: [in Chinese] You speak Chinese like my little dog!
Translator: She said...
Detective: [embarrassed] I know, I got it.
Detective: [amused] So did I.

Mike: Dr. Olivet tell you that you have anger issues?
Detective: Came up.
Mike: You ask me, 15 years on the NYPD without any anger issues, then you really do need to see a shrink.

Johnny: [referring to his jailed girlfriend] We could bust her out.
Dede: Don't be stupid. I'll get you another.

Detective: I thought a lot about last week.
Paula: Oh, you did?
Detective: About what I said, that everybody lies. It's childish. You're right. The truth is that there are people that I trust.
Paula: Anyone in particular come to mind?
Detective: Yeah, my partner. Yeah, she always has my back.
Paula: Tell me a little bit about her.
Detective: Well, she's a good cop. You know, she's more practical than I am. She's smart... You know, works hard, commands respect...
Paula: Okay, I know what she does. What's she like?
Detective: She grew up here. Her father was a cop, her husband.
Paula: Oh, she's married?
Detective: No. He died in the line of duty before we met.
Paula: And she never remarried? How long have you been together?
Detective: Um... You know, there have been... Breaks. Uh, I guess, like, 11 or 12 years...
Paula: How do you feel about her?
Detective: I told you, I respect her, I admire her. She puts up with my crap, you know? And as you're learning, that's not easy.
Paula: Do you love her?
Detective: What? I... She's... my partner! A profess... I mean, the last thing she would need is for me to hit on her...
Paula: No, I didn't ask you what she needs. She's a major relationship in your life. Do you have any romantic feelings for her?
Detective: No. She's like a sister to me.
Paula: Do you have a sister?
Detective: I have a brother. Now he's gone too.

Captain: Tell me you got a warrant for that.
Detective: Oh, why bother?

Detective: [dryly] You like your little brother, we can tell.
Doris: [in prison for manslaughter] Yeah he wasn't like the rest of us, could actually hold down a steady job, or talk to strangers without getting into a fight.

[Last lines]
Detective: [to Detective Barek] If you ever wondered why I don't have kids... now you know.

Detective: You need to take him down; there's only one way.

Detective: Most guys freak out if their exes send them even a Christmas card.

Detective: What's the matter, your lawsuit wasn't going well for you, huh?
Detective G. Lynn Bishop: So you had to hurt your family.
Abe: No I didn't.
Detective: Is that what this is?
Abe: No, I told you...
Detective: Lashed out at Jack...
Abe: Jack paid me!
Detective: Lashed out at your wife...
Abe: He didn't want me to tell anyone. And my wife, that's all settled. Her lawyer just hasn't filed the papers yet. I'm telling you the truth! Call my wife!
Detective: [to Bishop] Uh, Croydon. Croydon. McVee is another Croydon.
Detective G. Lynn Bishop: Who's Croydon?

Detective: Yeah I'll bet Jenny felt right at home in a titty bar, oh right that's the point, Walter, she didn't!

Zack: Hassan kills Danny Ross, goes free, and is set up as a despot. And that validates the death of our friend? I don't accept that.
Detective: Yeah, I-I think because he was our friend, it's why we need to do it.
Zack: Releasing a multiple murderer is not justice. Hassan might find the GPS devices and disarm then.
Detective: Hassan hired a technical expert to sweep and find them. But the expert was an FBI undercover. This is what needs to happen. Hassan needs to smuggle that shipment of weapons into Putland, right? He needs to barter for power to warlords, to terrorists.
Detective: They can be located and wiped out. Zack, making deals that are painful, doing things we hate, sometimes it's part of our job.
Detective: It's what our captain believed in. I don't think we should undercut that.
Zack: [to Eames] And you're buying this?
Detective: I'm listening.

Detective: [referring to the murder victim] He embraced good causes.
Detective: He also embraced any woman who got close enough for a smell test.

Janey: [to Goren and Eames] If you're trying to freak me out, it's working.

Detective: When was the last time you went on a treasure hunt?
Detective: How 'bout never.

Detective: Boo! Made ya look!

Beth: [to Goren] You seem like a man who's dedicated to his work. Too much, maybe.
Detective: Like you were to Amberleigh.

Robert: [to Roger Porter and Evan Korman] What made the two of you think that you could get away with murder?
Amanda: Hubris.
Robert: [handcuffing Evan Korman] Show's over.

Alexandra: That didn't go well for him.
Robert: Well, he's in an ultra-competitive environment filled with type As. He's angry and obsessive.
Danny: So am I, so are you.

Detective: Picket-fence play, that's - that's a classic of teamwork.
Coach: They all play the one-on-one game now.

ADA: Your client's not insane, he's in love. Maybe it's hard to tell the two apart, but... the law can.

Interim D.A. Nora Lewin: You released her?
Ron: We made a deal with her. She gives us Atwood and the diamonds, she gets five years minimum security with full medical treatment.
Interim D.A. Nora Lewin: What's wrong with her?
Ron: Detective Goren convinced her Atwood gave her AIDS. That's how we flipped her.
Interim D.A. Nora Lewin: But you have her under surveillance.
Detective: No. She'll contact us.
Ron: It was the only way we could get her to cooperate.
Detective: She won't run, Ms. Lewin.
Interim D.A. Nora Lewin: Do you trust his judgment?
Ron: On this, yes, I do.
Interim D.A. Nora Lewin: Should I trust yours?

Lauren: I'm guilty of infidelity. I'm not a murderer. I loved Ben.
Robert: Another marriage built on true love. We get a lot of that around here.

Detective: The whole idea's so primitive: An arranged marriage, in this day and age.
A.D.A. Ron Carver: [nodding] Yes. Especially in light of the stunning success people have in choosing their own mates... in this day and age.

Detective: [to Captain Danny Ross] Just get me back.

Detective: From locks to lock and load.

Detective: [the Chief wants Goren on a dangerous undercover job] Yeah, he's hoping I'll get myself killed.
Captain: The thought occurred to me.

Detective: If you want to smoke that cigarette, go ahead, don't mind us.
Ed: [takes it from behind his ear] Uh, no, I don't smoke.
Detective: [noticing] The filter's pinched.
Ed: It's for a character I'm working on.
Detective: [to Eames] Another actor.

Robert: You didn't want DeWitt reviewing Marc that night, so you cut the rig, staged an accident.
Amanda: No, I didn't.
Robert: You've been under a lot of pressure. A year of living and breathing Icarus, pouring your heart and soul into the production. Maybe you didn't want to turn out to be another Julie Taymor... get fired for artistic differences.
Amanda: I would never hurt an actor... Never. They're like my children.
Robert: Your naughty children, who don't listen, who don't take direction, who think they know better than you.
Amanda: [angry] That's true. Marc never listened. He didn't trust me. For a production like this to work, there must be absolute trust!

Captain: She blows things up but kept her teddy bear?

Detective: [admiringly, as Esther blocks her apartment entrance] You are *tough,* Mrs. Gruenwald. 'Cause normally, Detective Eames and I - we'd be in the living room by now.

Mark: [about his mother] Why would I want to kill her? I mean, why would I want to do that to myself?

Detective: [talking to Dr. Paula Gyson] A man of my age... single a long time... with all of my problems...

Detective: [to Leo Ansel] Maybe if you hadn't treated her like a spare tire, she wouldn't be in this mess.

Johnny: [as they step out of a restaurant "for a smoke"] Come on. We're cutting out on the bill.
Margie: You can't be serious.
Johnny: As serious as cancer.

Mike: Are you sure it was Friday night, not Saturday night?
Seamus: I know the difference between Friday and Saturday nights. Saturday's all bridge-and-tunnel. They wear jackets like that leather thing of yours.
Mike: Do yourself a favor, Flaherty, and don't tell Twitch we're looking for him.
Seamus: You have my word.
Mike: That somehow doesn't comfort me.
[to Wheeler]
Mike: What do you think about this jacket?
[Wheeler smirks]

[last lines]
Detective: He'll get over it... just like Peter Bonham.

Detective: Someone is passing off human plasma as synthetic.

Detective: [trying to get a man's description] Was he big, like me?
Sister: Not so big. And not so... Caucasian.

Detective G. Lynn Bishop: [looking at Coach's photographs] These must be his former players - and their kids. It's beginning to look a little like "Goodbye, Mister Chips" in here.
Detective: [picks up a potted plant] At least Mister Chips had a wife... Cranberry seedling. With my dad, it was avocado pits in a glass of water... TV. He stands over the kitchen sink and he eats while he watches TV. I found the same arrangement when I cleaned out my dad's apartment.

Detective: "Pig's system is death. Murder must answer murder. We have started the revolution last night." It's not very good English.
Agent: It's not supposed to be an SAT exam.
Detective: It could be a native Spanish speaker or a German. Some language where the present perfect is the same as the simple past.
Detective: You're starting to remind me of someone.
Captain: This one's taller.

Dempsey: You're a devil.
Detective: You should see me in a blue dress.
Dempsey: Yeah, well I ain't afraid of the devil.

Mike: Four detectives on a Mickey Mouse gambling charge and he doesn't say boo?
Ron: Judge Garrett knows better than to let on what he's thinking. Ladies and gentlemen, brace yourselves. We're flying into the eye of the hurricane.

Charlie: [to Logan] Screw you!
Mike: I don't know about you, but I don't go that way.

Luther: I didn't give you a name.
Detective: And we didn't push Bobby Boyd off that roof but... you know how rumors spread.

Detective: [to the mother of a fugitive teenager] Once he's in the system, he's gone. Now you go home, and you think about that.

Detective: [about the murder of a soon-to-be-divorced man] I guess the custody issue's been worked out.

Ethan: I was sent by God.
Detective: So were we.

Detective: You stepped between me and my family.
Detective: Which family was that?

[Last lines]
Dean: I'm glad some people still know the meaning of respect.

Robert: You see what your family did? Without telling each other, they protected you.

Detective: I tried Proust in college; I gave up after the first million pages.
Detective: It picks up after the second million pages.

Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: [to Goren] Well, even though I kick myself every time I say this, you were right.

Detective: [Boston accent] Actually Randolph...
Terry: Detective, I'd like to be refered to by my rank.
Detective: [salutes, sarcasticly] Cluster, Sargent.

Susan: Why are you showing me this?
Detective: This is what your husband does for a living: he kills people.
Detective: That's how he paid for this car, the house, the condo in Florida.

[Nicole looking at Goren]
Nicole: I missed you at the reading of the verdict. Then again, it wasn't one of your best moments.

Ashley: [to Goren] You ask the weirdest questions.
Detective: You have no idea.

Marla: [weeping] How can Eleanor love Henry and not love me?

Detective: When my father died - he had just enough money to, uh, cover his funeral. That shouldn't happen to you.
Coach: Thanks for the heads-up.

Robbie: [reciting to himself] Focus in. Trust my intellect. Admit to trivial things. Focus in...

Detective: We've got the smoking gun.
Detective G. Lynn Bishop: The smoking *caulking* gun with cake frosting.

Robert: Did he ever ask you to sabotage Marc's rig?
Donald: No. But when Marc fell... I knew Evan was gonna cash in.
Alexandra: [being ironic] And they say there's no creativity in the theater these days.

Captain: We need to go public.

Detective: One fake miracle, two real deaths.

William: [to his wife] Jenny! Speak!

Barry: [referring to his wife's infidelity] There's another clown in the tent.

Detective: [about a "person of interest" in an investigation] He's just letting it all slide - even the things that matter to him. He's sinking into depression.
Detective: [holding up a will] Here's one thing he hasn't let slide.

Captain: [to Warden Pellis] This detective is very important to NYPD.

Detective: Carl Jung believed that... rage is the... um... female side of our nature. Anima - an aggregate of all the women in our lives. Gives us strength. Makes us strong.

Detective: [sarcastically] Self-defense works for me.

Captain: Nothing like a two-thousand degree fire to destroy evidence.

Tom: I finally found what I'd been looking for, and it broke my heart.

Detective: [Zach Nichols to Serena Stevens as they walk through Club Stigmata] Oh, we've been made.
Sanson: You beautiful people.
[to Serena Stevens]
Sanson: Especially you--magnificent. Too beautiful to be in my place. Just please, no badges, bad for business. What do you need? How can I speed your exit?
Detective: We're looking for people who drink human blood.
Sanson: I see. And this is strange to you?
Detective: I was a boy scout.

Michael: I lost my fiancée.
Detective: But you got a new agent and a lot of auditions.

Detective: Just one more thing. Does it bother you that the star of your fashion house has a serious addiction problem?
Paul: My brother died ten years ago of a drug overdose. He was 28. So, yeah, I take addiction very seriously.
Detective: I'm sorry about your brother. I lost my brother in the same way. It just seems to me like you need to focus more on getting him into rehab than on your I.P.O. closing.
Paul: Yeah, well, I'm a businessman, not a saint.
Detective: Obviously.

Detective: I remember you... You used to be Lois Cabrera.
Officer: I shoulda stayed that way.

John: Kill or be killed.

Detective: This YouTube essay by Mia, a very distinctive voice.
Detective: She's developing quite a fan base.
Detective: No, Connor's praise was well deserved.
Detective: Not just the kinder, gentler, treatment of a young journalism intern. Who might be very attractive?
Detective: Really, you think so?
Detective: Well, it's obvious you think her mother Patricia is a bit of a knockout.
Detective: Was I that obvious?
Detective: So if Mia's looks were in the genes, along with a superior talent...
Detective: You have a wicked imagination, I like that in a partner.

Detective: Have you been tested for AIDS?
Gia: Why should I?
Detective: Michael Carson was HIV-positive. According to this, for at least a year during the time that he and Atwood were having relations.
Gia: It's not true.
Detective: [showing her the report] Page four. Would you like to get tested?
[she shakes her head]
Detective: You are aware they had a sexual relationship? Your boyfriend was in prison for a relatively short time, but he couldn't control his sexual needs. You blamed yourself, didn't you? That you couldn't hold on to his loyalty and desire for 18 months? If I'm wrong in my evaluation, Ms. DeLuca, please tell me. He's betrayed you before, hasn't he? But he always came back and you told yourself it was because that you're the one that he loves... but he's never told you that he loved you, has he? Not in a way that would make you believe him. And he makes demands on you; demands during lovemaking, demands that leave you unsatisfied, and you always submit, which, for that reason, he-he trusts you completely. You submit because you hope to earn his love and loyalty. Those hopes can only remain unfulfilled because Karl Atwood is a narcissist. He's incapable of loving you or anyone else. He seeks out partners to satisfy his needs. Ms. DeLuca, I... I have to be honest with you. There's virtually no chance that you're not infected. People with AIDS rarely survive long prison sentences. The treatments in a maximum-security prison are limited, but if you cooperate with us, we can take steps to improve your long-term outlook. I-It's... you have given him everything, and... and... this... is how he repaid you.

Detective: [about Dr. Scott Borman] I think his speedo's too tight, it's cutting off the blood to his brain.

Esther: [referring to her son] He thinks they care about him. They don't care. How could they? I mean, he sweats; that thing with his face...

Deborah: Nyle's brilliant.
Detective: I'm sure he is. He just doesn't seem like a detail-oriented, you know, "plan for the future" kind of guy.
Deborah: Well, luckily for him, he has lots of advisers who are detail-oriented "plan for the future" types.

[opening title narration]
Narrator: In New York City's war on crime, the worst criminal offenders are pursued by the detectives of the Major Case Squad. These are their stories.

Detective: I could get someone in so deep, even I couldn't find them.

Mr. Smythe: Four counts of manslaughter. That's what I get for overestimating the intelligence of a grand jury.
Detective: Just be grateful the D.A. let you off with a plea bargain.
Mr. Smythe: I don't consider shutting down my website a bargain. All right, Joanie and Chachi, right? This is the last chat I have for them.
Detective: Thank you, you can go do your little dance in Hell now.

A.D.A. Ron Carver: [referring to the Barneses] This family makes me want to go home and kiss my wife.

James: Where are we?
Detective: We struck out on his last known. He hasn't lived there for at least two years.
Detective: [on the phone] We will, ma'am, thank you.
[hanging up]
Detective: His ex is looking for him, too. Owes her a brick in child support.
Detective: This bail app from six years ago; his mother put up the bond. There's an address on her.
Detective: Let me see that.
Detective: You have her Social there?
James: The feebs have been notified. They're taking care of Interpol notification. Give me a status in an hour.
Detective: Mother Nathan, deceased seven months ago.
James: Poor guy's an orphan.
Detective: Somebody forgot to tell Con Ed. The power bill's paid up and current.

Detective G. Lynn Bishop: He killed her over a toy boat?
Detective: You know men, they get very attached to toys.

A.D.A. Ron Carver: Sacrifice one son... to gain control of the other.

Detective: You're going on a CIA-sponsored tour of all the hot spots.

Detective: Most serial killers have a favorite dumping spot... his is the whole world.

Detective: [viewing a body in two suitcases going to the airport] Maybe this beats traveling economy.

Detective: Get your feet off my partner's desk.

Detective: [Examining Body] Her panties are probably down. He redressed her.
Detective: Modest. The righteous are always the worst.

Benito: Terry... Chill
Terry: You chill moron, you're late
Benito: Come on... I got detention
Terry: You'll get permanent detention, if you don't wise up. You're a day late, so now let's go
Benito: I got it... I got it... That's my working capital
Terry: That's a fine you pay for trying to duck me amigo
Benito: Damn lady, you're not even a real cop
Terry: But you're a real dope dealer and I am a badge and I have the authority to arrest you, pacify you and mess you up and that's before I turn you over to the real cops. You and your colleagues live and breathe at my pleasure... remember that

Detective: I am an acquired taste.

Detective: Too strange for the chess club? That must be some kind of record.

Amanda: I've always thrown myself into my work to the exclusion of all else. It felt safe there... the one place I wouldn't have to think about the things I was running from.
Robert: [empathic] I understand.

Dr. Charles Webb: [about Goren, who is staring intently at him] Could somebody please tell him to stop looking at me? It's intollerable.

Mrs. Caldwell: [about Beatrice Onorato] She was fifteen going on thirty going on five.

Detective: What, you're going?
Detective: Well, yeah. Sleep, remember?
Detective: You live all the way in Brooklyn. My place is right down the street.
Detective: [gives him a wary look]
Detective: I'll take the couch.
[smirks]
Detective: I don't believe you got a
[searches for appropriate word]
Detective: couch that big.
Detective: Yeah, maybe not.

Detective: You killed Kira to save your legacy!
Lionel: What legacy? My last novel sold less than a thousand copies!

Detective: [clutching Johnny DePalma against him] You held her close? Like this? So she could feel your "life-force" flowing into her?
[Goren kicks DePalma's chair across the interrogation room]
Detective: But it wasn't life, was it? It was a dance of death.

Reverend Norman Mills: Well, you know, detective, shame is a very underrated emotion. In the big city it's very easy to go unnoticed by others, so your conscience becomes your only witness. And for most of us, that's not enough.
Detective: And I'm sure every Sunday you play that card for all it's worth.

Detective: You think he's the money trail?
Detective: I am going to try and find out.
Detective: I really feel I should try to talk you out of this.
Detective: But that's always been a wasted effort.
Detective: Yeah,
[pause]
Detective: right.

Detective: Reverend, your cup runneth over.