700 Best Law & Order: Criminal Intent Quotes

Captain: We got the lab report on the steak knife in Hatcher's chest. Some of the blood on it was not Hatcher's.
Detective: Was it the cow's?
Captain: No, human. So it would be nice to get a DNA sample from Archie Beuliss.
Detective: We can't even get an interview.
Captain: The shrink wouldn't help?
Detective: Well, he gave Nichols a free diagnosis: issues with authority.
Captain: Tell me about it.

Ben: I don't need pictures of Sarah to remind me I'm married.

Sketch: This one from the kid, this from the camera salesman.
Detective: [taking out two more composite sketches] See a family resemblance?

Detective: Have you been tested for AIDS?
Gia: Why should I?
Detective: Michael Carson was HIV-positive. According to this, for at least a year during the time that he and Atwood were having relations.
Gia: It's not true.
Detective: [showing her the report] Page four. Would you like to get tested?
[she shakes her head]
Detective: You are aware they had a sexual relationship? Your boyfriend was in prison for a relatively short time, but he couldn't control his sexual needs. You blamed yourself, didn't you? That you couldn't hold on to his loyalty and desire for 18 months? If I'm wrong in my evaluation, Ms. DeLuca, please tell me. He's betrayed you before, hasn't he? But he always came back and you told yourself it was because that you're the one that he loves... but he's never told you that he loved you, has he? Not in a way that would make you believe him. And he makes demands on you; demands during lovemaking, demands that leave you unsatisfied, and you always submit, which, for that reason, he-he trusts you completely. You submit because you hope to earn his love and loyalty. Those hopes can only remain unfulfilled because Karl Atwood is a narcissist. He's incapable of loving you or anyone else. He seeks out partners to satisfy his needs. Ms. DeLuca, I... I have to be honest with you. There's virtually no chance that you're not infected. People with AIDS rarely survive long prison sentences. The treatments in a maximum-security prison are limited, but if you cooperate with us, we can take steps to improve your long-term outlook. I-It's... you have given him everything, and... and... this... is how he repaid you.

Detective: [discussing childhood foods] So, what did Mrs. Logan make for her boy?
Detective: Rum punch.
[Barek looks silently at Logan]
Detective: Private joke.

Detective: Clerical error, my ass. She got to him.

Detective: [hearing a description of a suspect] Well, that fits our profile.
[Bobby stops and stares at her]
Detective: I only pretend not to listen to you.

Jake: I can't find it, man. I looked everywhere. Damn it, I'm a jerk! I must have left it behind!
Karl: Can't you get another one?
Jake: I need it, man! I need it to make the passports!
Karl: Don't even think about it. Buy another one.
Jake: I'm not spending another 500 bucks on something I already bought. This machine cost 500 bucks!
Karl: Listen to me, you cheap bastard. You go anywhere near that place, I'm gonna put a bullet in your skull. Now, you got a quarter-share of a hundred million coming. You can front 500 bucks.
Jake: All right, but when are we gonna see our dough, man? I gotta get out of here.
Karl: I am working on the problem! You work on yours.

Ron: This is now a press case. Assigning a cop with an asterisk next to his name could come back to bite you.

Nicole: [to her fiancé] Why don't you make some popcorn, Daddy?

Detective: [to deranged, knife-wielding woman] I lost my mom. I lost my mother recently. Can I get a glass of water from you?

Maureen: [fondling her fur coat] All right, Ricky was here. He bought this for me.
Detective: How'd you get him to do that? Did you get him drunk?
[There is a long pause]
Detective: Is that what you did?
[Maureen stares impassively at Goren]
Detective: You got him drunk, and you took all his money.
Maureen: [defiantly] He owed me.

[Goren climbs up on the pharmacy counter]
Cardenas: Excuse me, that...
Detective: Don't worry, he does this all the time.

Detective: Come on, you're a small guy. What size shoe do you wear?
[throws his leg up on the table]
Detective: I wear a 13.
[stands up and peers under the table]
Detective: You look like a 9, or... what, like an 8?
Henry: I'm an...
[waves his hands around]
Henry: Oh, God, why am I even, I don't want to talk to you about this! Don't drag me into this!
Detective: Ah! You've got small hands, too!

Mike: [to Lori] When's the last time you saw him?
Lori: I don't know.
Mike: Do we really have to go through this drill? The one where I search this place and find some drugs or I plant them. And either way, you come downtown, you get back in the system and that's all for a schmuck who left you?

Detective: [On the scene of Ross' murder, FBI agents are trying to stop Goren and Eames from seeing Ross' body]
Detective: So he died covering for your little covert operation?
Agent: Look no one regrets more than we do that...
Detective: Oh come on, with the regrets! You can't keep us from him! We do what our boss tells us, and you're not our boss, our boss is over there. You're not stopping us!

Philip: [writing at his desk, to the detectives] When I look up, you'll be gone.

Captain: Maybe she'll talk.
Detective: Why? Because she's a woman? Same thing happened with Lil' Kim, she went to jail for perjury.

Captain: [to Warden Pellis] This detective is very important to NYPD.

Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: [about a murder victim] Muscular legs, a stomach like a trampoline, a butt you could crack walnuts with, and she had a perfect body wax. Except for, the exclamation point.

Detective: [clutching Johnny DePalma against him] You held her close? Like this? So she could feel your "life-force" flowing into her?
[Goren kicks DePalma's chair across the interrogation room]
Detective: But it wasn't life, was it? It was a dance of death.

Duke: [introducing the police to his wife] And these are Detectives Goblin and, um...
Duke: Goren and Eames.

Joanne: [to her daughter, newly arrested for murder] You are *such* a disappointment.

Michael: I lost my fiancée.
Detective: But you got a new agent and a lot of auditions.

Detective: When my father died - he had just enough money to, uh, cover his funeral. That shouldn't happen to you.
Coach: Thanks for the heads-up.

Charlie: [to Logan] Screw you!
Mike: I don't know about you, but I don't go that way.

Detective: [Goren asks Chinese shop owner a question in Chinese]
Shop: [in Chinese] You speak Chinese like my little dog!
Translator: She said...
Detective: [embarrassed] I know, I got it.
Detective: [amused] So did I.

Mrs. Caldwell: [about Beatrice Onorato] She was fifteen going on thirty going on five.

Alexandra: So maybe now's the time to tell you we have security footage of you in the Premier Club elevator kissing Marc Landry.
Robert: [being ironic] You know, he really could have been just giving him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
Attorney: Are they making this up, Adam?
Adam: Okay... There was a couple of times he invited me up to his apartment... Work on his performance.
Robert: Right, but isn't that the director's job?
Adam: He hated Amanda, and she hated him.
Alexandra: So you were the peacemaker.
Adam: Yes. Marc was just trying to get me on his side. I mean, you got to love actors. I mean, they're people pleasers.
Robert: [being ironic] I know. I know.

Detective: Have you seen the Internet? They have a fan group on Facebook.
Captain: Yeah, we're not joining it. NYPD / FBI just put out this statement.
Detective: [reading] "Despite the rhetoric, these are nothing but common criminals."
Detective: Oh, the bad guys write sexier statements than we do.
Captain: But we're not insane.
Detective: [continues reading] "There's no need to overreact. City and federal authorities have the situation well under control." If I were them, I'd want to prove this wrong.
Agent: We're taking all necessary safety precautions. What do you think we should be saying, detective?
Detective: That communism is dead and they're trying to replace a flawed system with a failed one.
Agent: You want to have a political science seminar?

Detective: A guy can only - spend so many nights eating over the kitchen sink. He can only look at so many pictures of his former players, with their wives and their kids - before he's gotta grab that brass ring for himself.

Captain: We need to go public.

Detective: [looks under sheet, at murder victim's groin] So where is his - ?
Detective: Killer might've taken it. Fetish.
Detective: [looks out at beach, sea, and sky] Seagulls are always hungry.

Detective: Unless they're scenting the ocean with lavender, this woman was drowned in a bathtub.

Detective: Looks like you might have done it, huh? Sent Dad to jail?
Camilla: I don't want that.
Detective: For once you snatched victory from the jaws of your mother. You showed your parents just how smart you really are.
Camilla: They know. They raised me.
Detective: Raised you? Wolves would have done a better job.

Detective: [to William Hendry] Sit!

Esther: [referring to her son] He thinks they care about him. They don't care. How could they? I mean, he sweats; that thing with his face...

Detective: When was the last time you went on a treasure hunt?
Detective: How 'bout never.

[Last lines]
Detective: [muttering to himself] They had kids, too.

Detective: [to Goren] Go ahead, impress me.

Detective: It's a question of finesse, Falacci.

Detective: That's not eccentricity; it's mental illness.

Nicole: [about her new husband] Do you know what I love about him most? He doesn't need anything from me.

Robert: [coming close] Come on, Evan. It was a barn burner of a disaster, right? A catastrophe, a money-sucking catastrophe. I think... A career-ender.
Evan: How dare you?
Robert: [ponting to a portrait on the wall] You know, it must have been tough, your father looking over your shoulders every day. And now he's looking down on you from the great white way in the sky, and he's thinking, "I fathered... an entitled embarrassment."
Evan: All productions have problems.
Alexandra: [sarcastic] Not front-page headlines in the Daily News every day. You're the laughingstock of Broadway.

Detective: Kill one, scare a thousand.

Det. Nola Falacci: He was killed with a family photo-cube. Interesting metaphor.
Detective: Is that a metaphor or a symbol, Falacci? Guess I'd have to take a Master Class to find out.

Karl: You stupid bitch.
Gia: We're both dead, anyway. You killed us.
Detective: Think again, Gia. You got a long and healthy life ahead of you.
Detective: [she looks at him indignantly] I lied. Sorry.

Detective: [Boston accent] Actually Randolph...
Terry: Detective, I'd like to be refered to by my rank.
Detective: [salutes, sarcasticly] Cluster, Sargent.

Detective: You look like somebody just punched a hole in your hole.

Brice: You're asking if I had anything to do with him getting killed?
Robert: Did you? You know, Marc out of the way, you put on the wings, and you're Icarus.
Brice: That's a little All about Eve-ish. Don't you think?
Robert: You're telling me that you didn't resent him at all? A tv actor with no theater chops gets the role over you. I mean, you were nominated for an Obie.
Brice: You googled me. I'm flattered.
Alexandra: Had to sting... night after night, seeing a sitcom star mangle the part.
Brice: That's how the business works. They want a name. Yeah, well, I have a name. It's Brice Calder.
Robert: [as they were shaking hands] Detective Goren.

Detective: [after reading an article by a lawyer killed by a hitman] Sounds like Old MacDonald rubbed some people the wrong way.

Detective: [to Bernard Fremont] I guess I ask myself how Nicole would have turned out if she hadn't run into you.

Detective: You were too quick to kneel, to cradle your brother, to get his blood on you - on your pink suit.

Detective: You know, actually, this home reeks of everything but concern.

Ashley: [to Goren] You ask the weirdest questions.
Detective: You have no idea.

Captain: Well, it's nice to see kids studying the classics.
Detective: And learning all the wrong lessons.

Detective: All the sounds and smells of her disintegration.

Danny: [about Officer Wiznesky] He's got his whole department alibi-ing him. Small town police force, protecting their own. One of my worst nightmares.

Prof. Cleo Alexander: [looking into a book] Icarus! My favorite metaphor for failed ambition. Hubris. Here it is... The clew: c-l-e-w. A ball of thread or yarn.
Robert: Right, a ball of yarn that Daedalus gave to Theseus to help him escape from the labyrinth, which angered King Minos, who then imprisoned Daedalus and Icarus in the same labyrinth?
Prof. Cleo Alexander: [smiling] Are you sure you need my help?
Robert: I do need your help. Tell me more about the, uh, labyrinth.
Prof. Cleo Alexander: Well, the word is pre-Greek in origin... Minoan.
Robert: [looking to a picture in the book] I saw this in her office. The classical labyrinth... circular in pattern, unicursal.
Prof. Cleo Alexander: Single path.
Robert: Going in circles, but one path, not difficult to navigate.
Prof. Cleo Alexander: You know, in some versions of the myth, it's more of a maze... multicursal, like a puzzle with choices of direction.
Robert: But the killer... thought that they had no choice.
Prof. Cleo Alexander: Well, whoever it is, Bobby, one thing I do know. I know you. You'll find 'em.

[Nicole looking at Goren]
Nicole: I missed you at the reading of the verdict. Then again, it wasn't one of your best moments.

Mike: Four detectives on a Mickey Mouse gambling charge and he doesn't say boo?
Ron: Judge Garrett knows better than to let on what he's thinking. Ladies and gentlemen, brace yourselves. We're flying into the eye of the hurricane.

Mike: Firefighters, cops, we're all on the same side pretty much.
Danny: Logan, somebody tells me you're gay, I don't care. But the NYPD is not the FDNY.

Detective: I love it when men say they babysit. When it's your own kids it's NOT babysitting, it's called being a dad.

Marion: This can't be happening to me.
Detective: Sorry, it looks like you forgot your ruby slippers.

[last lines]
Detective: He'll get over it... just like Peter Bonham.

Detective: This guy isn't interested in anything but his own reflection.

Detective: We did a little dumpster diving. It's pretty nasty.

[referring to notes on Goren's desk]
Detective: Admirers?
Detective: No, reporters. They want a comment.
Detective: Can they print a hand gesture?

Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: Serves 'em right for eating a poor, endangered bivalve.

Mr. Sternman: Where are you going with your boobs hanging out like that?

Detective: [referring to Alex Eames] She's like a sister to me.

Detective: Big day for little women.

Detective: Most serial killers have a favorite dumping spot... his is the whole world.

Detective: [about Dr. Scott Borman] I think his speedo's too tight, it's cutting off the blood to his brain.

Elaine: I talk to Ron and I told him everything will be okay about his money. Then the police came and I told them about me and Ron.
Dr. Ernst: About the affair? About Ron's anger?
Elaine: Yes. But I don't know if they believed me about that, and I don't know if Ron believed me about the money. I-I meant everything that I said, I mea... -
[Elaine's voice trembles]
Elaine: why doesn't anyone take me seriously? What is it about me?
Dr. Ernst: Are you sure they didn't believe you, Elaine? You know, sometimes your self-esteem issues get in the way of your objectivity.
Elaine: [Elaine starts to cry a little] I don't know... They just, they all seemed so skeptical and they kept asking all these questions. Is it the way I talk? The plastic surgery? Why do I always end up feeling like such a fraud?
Dr. Ernst: Hmm, I don't know, Elaine... But I think this is something we really need to work on. Hmm?
[Dr. Ernst gives her a concerned look and smiles]
Dr. Ernst: ... yea.
[Elaine smiles back, takes a tissue and wipes a tear]

Detective: Those people did NOT look like zombies when they came in.

Susan: Why are you showing me this?
Detective: This is what your husband does for a living: he kills people.
Detective: That's how he paid for this car, the house, the condo in Florida.

Detective: You know, you've been in jail for contempt of court longer than anyone in the history of New York.
Bingham: I'm well aware of the Kafkaesque journey I'm on.
Detective: Well, the journey your wife put you on. Now, I'd think that you'd jump at the chance to implicate her in a murder.
Bingham: She doesn't have the wherewithal for this sort of violent calculation.
Detective: Oh.
Bingham: Now it's time for my shift in the mail room. Thirty-eight cents an hour. Don't tell Elizabeth's lawyers. They'll move to garnish.

Brigitte: [throwing Axel Kaspers' words back at him] "A revolution is not a dinner party." You were teaching; I was listening.

Fabinth: What a stain that Lucas has turned into! Now he's too busy to come.
Benjamin: But he's the tallest. How will we get the tickets now? Stain.

Dean: You ask any true magician: There is always a trick.

Alexandra: True love. We all want to believe.

Detective: [to Mrs. Watkins] Coach started paying more attention to Ben; you started paying more attention to Coach. You paid attention to him; Coach paid attention to Ben; Ben's stats kept improving. It's nice how that worked out, isn't it?

Donny: My mom said I had a problem with authority figures.
Detective: My mom said the same thing about me, it doesn't mean you're crazy.
Donny: To me, the really crazy people are the ones who watch reality TV, hook up with people they meet online... but that's everybody, isn't it?

Detective: What was I supposed to do while I was pregnant? Stay home and knit?

ADA: Is cross-dressing something people kill for these days?

Robert: Do you think I'm crazy?
Paula: I think you are a person who is aware that the world is a dangerous place. You found a way of surviving, but your way can make other people feel uncomfortable.
Robert: 'Challenging' and, you know, 'uncomfortable.' You're walking on egg shells with me, aren't you?
Paula: Isn't that how you like it? Hmm? It's part of your skill set, like being able to read people quickly.
Robert: It's my job.
Paula: Sure. It's protected you. But it's also taken its toll on those around you and on yourself. You are exceptional at analyzing others. Exceptional. So what is it that you think will happen if you start looking at yourself?

Detective: [smelling a dead body in a trash dumpster] Bleach, he tried to clean her with bleach... excuse me.
[steps beside the dumpster and throws up]
Detective: [to a female cop at the scene] It's... understandable.

Detective: Do you know who Tamara's boyfriend is?
Agnes: Who says she has a boyfriend?
Detective: Uh...
[picks up men's boxers off Tamara's bed]
Detective: These?

Detective: So that's it, Fulla T lost his life over 'Who's the Man?'

Detective: [Inquiring about Bernard's relationship to Nicole Wallace] Have you heard from her lately?
Bernard: Nicole is a fugitive, thanks to you two. And, no, she'd never put me in that kind of danger. She's very protective.
Detective: Well, you'd be very proud of your star pupil.
Bernard: I can't take the credit. She's a natural.
Detective: Well, she's very adept at poisons. Is that something that you taught her?
Bernard: I'll take a pass on that.

Detective: The ice queen?
Detective: You notice anything unusual?
Detective: Not really.
Detective: It's just that she's putting lipstick on her eyeball. She's taking a picture of the safe.
Detective: [he fast-forwards] Am I missing something?
Detective: I just like to watch.
Detective: I like to listen. I'm meeting a snitch down at the Coronet.

Detective: As Leonard Palmeranski might say, "Why me?"

Paige: "Receding hairline"? That's every other editor in New York.

Detective: I'm a rage-a-holic cop who took a swing at a city councilman. Everybody thinks I'm a ticking bomb. Maybe today's the day I blow. I don't know, it's up to you.

George: He called me. He said his name was Jean, that he saw me in this Gilbert and Sullivan thing, and that he wanted me to play some Brit Eurotrash, Lord Pembridge.
Alexandra: For what? A movie?
George: Performance art. Improvisational.
Detective: Who were the other actors?
George: I don't know. I was meeting them today.
Alexandra: Where was this performance to take place?
George: In real settings. They were picking me up and driving out to JFK, and it was gonna go from there. Jean said they had a room for me at the St. Francis. That if anybody asked, I was Lord Pembridge.
Detective: And you thought you were part of the performance.
George: Yes.
Detective: [Sardonically] It never occurred to you that something illegal was afoot?
George: I'm an actor. I'm constantly broke. It was a couple of nights at the St. Francis. It sounded like fun.
Detective: Fantastic.

Robert: [joking around with the suspect] "Bonanza"? What a funny guy!

[repeated line]
Michael: Us against the world. U-A-W.

Nicole: [Nicole is seated across from Eames and Goren] You're both so transparent. Punishing Ella to get at me.
Detective: That's Nicole's maternal instinct, rearing its little head.
Detective: You can't deny those feelings, even if you can't have kids of your own.
Nicole: Yes, thank you. Not all of us can be blessed like you, with eggs ripe and ready for hire.

Mrs. Crais: He said he was in love with love, so he shot my husband of 22 years.

Detective: Most guys freak out if their exes send them even a Christmas card.

Captain: This guy has a death-wish, and he's going to take somebody down with him.
Detective: We can always hope he gets the order mixed up and shoots himself first.

Detective: Look, strip down all their double-talk. What is it that Randall Fuller really said to those people?
Detective: "Everything you've done is wrong." "Everything you are is false."
Detective: "But it wasn't your fault; you were 'programmed' that way."
Detective: "Leave it to Grace Note to give you back your life." It's *very* seductive.

Detective: Hey, does someone mind filling us in on what's going on here?
Detective: Someone's got Anthrax. A whole lot of it.
Detective: Great. And exactly when are you going to share this with the rest of the world?
Detective: That's up to the Comissioner's Office.
Detective: Great. Those Idiots.

Joseph: [being ironic] No evidence, thin motive, headlines of The New York Times pointing out the lack of suspects in this case... I'm starting to hate the theater.

Esther: [to her son] You go ahead, have your picture taken with them all you want. That doesn't mean they respect you.

Detective: [about Victoria Carson's "wrongful life" lawsuit] Maybe Lisa didn't think there was anything wrong with her life.

Lionel: [referring to Gareth Sage] A snake of a man.
Detective: A snake? So he's an agent.

Detective: [referring to a dead body in latex] He died with his freak on.

Detective: Cat got your tongue?
[indicating one of several body parts in the anatomy lab]
Detective: Because there's an extra one here.

Beatrice: This won't hurt a bit.
[Holding her father's bleeding hand, she squeezes lemon juice onto an open knife cut as he silently flinches]
Beatrice: Remember the first time you told me that?

James: Upstairs bought it.
Detective: Good, because it's rainin' hookers.

Detective: [up-ends a soft drink can, from which a marijuana cigarette falls] You've got roaches.

Joseph: With that suicide note, no D.A. in his right mind would file.
Robert: Joe, don't be a moron. We have legit suspects.
Joseph: [to Eames] You give us the room a minute?
Joseph: Bobby, I appreciate you coming back. I really do. But this doesn't work. I know what you do. And you know what I do. I've got your back, and you respect my face and don't get in it.

Dr. Eli Rush: I don't owe them anything. I gave them life.

[last lines]
Detective: Buildings may crumble, but infamy's forever.

Tom: I finally found what I'd been looking for, and it broke my heart.

Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: [describing the victim's stomach contents] Chicken, fish, beef, goat, plantains, beer.
Detective: Sounds like she ate half of Noah's Ark.

Detective: [standing close to suspect, sotto voce] It occurs to me, Duane: Maybe you're one of those guys, nothin' gets you hot... You lack anatomy, Duane?

Michael: Your warrant says I have to let you search his office. It doesn't say I have to answer your questions.

Detective: [imagining a child's outlook] Not to mention, the only reason you're here is because your parents went back to the drawing board after your brother died. *That's* a race you can never win.

Det. Peter Lyons: Look, Alexandra, most of what I do is outreach. I'm more comfortable interpreting for the community than interrogating it.
Alexandra: You helped us at the rink.
Det. Peter Lyons: Well, there your partner was right. That's a public place. This is completely different.
Alexandra: Shankly was out of line, but there is still a murderer out there targeting people who educate and care for the deaf. Are you comfortable with that?

James: Congratulations, you've managed to unite atheists and Christians in common cause against police harassment.
Alexandra: We do what we can.

Eleanor: [reproachfully] Marla. This is not the trailer park.

Detective: [admiringly, as Esther blocks her apartment entrance] You are *tough,* Mrs. Gruenwald. 'Cause normally, Detective Eames and I - we'd be in the living room by now.

Detective: There's no therapy for diminishing capacity. You've blown out your frontal lobe. Too much formaldehyde, too many years of drug abuse.
Dr. Declan Gage: "Diminishing capacity"? You wanna do the Wisconsin Card Test? The Stroop?

Detective: Promise me a margarita when this is all over.

Robert: I thought about what you said. You know, I'm not afraid... I mean, maybe I am, but you were right, you know. I... my world is treacherous.
Paula: I need you to sit.
Robert: I have this friend, Louis. He works on cars. He told me that the biggest mistake that people make is they have an old car. It's worn down. It stalls all the time. They get the transmission flushed, clean out all the gunk, you know. But they kill it. You see, all that gunk, it was there for a reason. It was there to plug up all the holes. Car never runs again.
Paula: You're afraid if you get into this with me, you'll stop functioning?
Robert: You're gonna say you won't allow that to happen because... You know, I can trust you.
Paula: I wouldn't presume to tell you who to trust. I do think it's interesting that you likened yourself to an old car. Cars don't feel. They don't stop and... reflect. They're made to work, to go.
Robert: My mother... She, you know... Did her best to take care of me. But she was mentally ill. Schizophrenic.
Paula: You were only a boy?
Nicole: [Nicole Wallace's interrogation] How old were you when you first realized your mommy wasn't like all the other mommies?
Robert: [Nicole Wallace's interrogation] Seven.
Nicole: [Nicole Wallace's interrogation] Were you ashamed?
Robert: [Nicole Wallace's interrogation] And frightened. It's... it's my turn.
Paula: Detective?
Robert: I've talked to someone about this before.
Paula: In therapy?
Robert: No. In the interrogation room. I... I betrayed my family. I pimped out my family to get a... a confession.
Paula: You did what you had to. You always have. And I don't think you betrayed your mother. But what have you done for her son?

Mike: Dr. Olivet tell you that you have anger issues?
Detective: Came up.
Mike: You ask me, 15 years on the NYPD without any anger issues, then you really do need to see a shrink.

Detective: I tried Proust in college; I gave up after the first million pages.
Detective: It picks up after the second million pages.

Detective: A suicide club - and Carmine didn't know he was a member.

Detective: Eleanor takes quite an interest in Henry. A second mom, really.
Marla: [smiles] She's always there.

Detective: Sorry!
Detective: What for?
Detective: I'm late.
Detective: That's understandable.
Detective: What's that supposed to mean? Being pregnant not an excuse!
Detective: You're right, it's not understandable.

Ken: [holding Goren] You panic, you die.

Detective: Who's the worst pro bono lawyer you know?
ADA: That's easy: Stan Shatenstein.
Detective: You know, hypothetically, how would we get Stan Shatenstein assigned to two defendants? What would we do?
ADA: What would you do, hypothetically? Since Mr. Shatenstein covers night court, you'd make sure your defendants were arrested after 7 p.m.

Detective: Just what we need, an addiction driven economy.
Detective: It's better than no economy.

Detective: Four hours without a bathroom break, I thought I was going to pop a valve.

Nicole: [to her prospective step-daughter] Sometimes daddies can love too much. You wouldn't want that.

John: Kill or be killed.

Detective: Mark, he told us that there's three varieties of murder groupies: victims, psychos, and shrinks.
Detective: He said with you he's got "three mints in one."
Chantal: Oh! That loser!

Detective: Gluttony. Now I know why it made the short list of Deadly Sins.

Detective: [to Buchanan about his secretary, Eric] Are you lovers?
Gordon: Give me a little credit. I don't - chase after secretaries.

Crane: I used it to pay for groceries at D'Agnostino's. I was getting into my car to go up to Vermont when some guy bumped into me, some jogger. Must've picked my pocket.
Detective: What's this jogger look like?
Crane: Blond hair. Long blond hair, sunglasses. I didn't get a good look at him.
Detective: Maybe your friend did.
Crane: My friend?
Detective: Well, the ski report on the radio said it was bright and sunny up in Vermont. For someone who was outside all weekend, you look as pale as I do. Spending all that time indoors by yourself wouldn't have been much fun. So... can we talk to your friend?

Detective: [Last lines] Beauty. It's a beast.

Dr. Scott Borman: [stripping off clothes in operating area] We're all mammals in here... Right, ladies?
Nurse: Whatever you say, doctor.

Detective: A perfect fit.
Detective G. Lynn Bishop: So were Bonnie and Clyde, they killed 10 people, these two are already up to 9.

Detective: [trying to get a man's description] Was he big, like me?
Sister: Not so big. And not so... Caucasian.

Detective: If I were in this family, I'd probably drink, too.

Detective: I am an acquired taste.

Detective: I'm just noticing, Palm Beach real estate. Business must be good, especially in this economy. You know, I just thought that pricey therapists would be something that people were cutting back on, you know, like... I don't know... white truffles.
Dr. Samantha Harper: Well, there's, uh, only one reason it's better to have wealthy clients than poor ones.
Detective: What's that?
Dr. Samantha Harper: Well, the wealthy ones know that money doesn't solve your problems.

Detective: [to Dean Holiday] You leave your eyes open when you do a read. That's your tell.

Mike: [to Robert Goren] Twenty-seven arrests, twenty-seven convictions. I *also* remember you weren't too popular.

Detective: Just one more thing. Does it bother you that the star of your fashion house has a serious addiction problem?
Paul: My brother died ten years ago of a drug overdose. He was 28. So, yeah, I take addiction very seriously.
Detective: I'm sorry about your brother. I lost my brother in the same way. It just seems to me like you need to focus more on getting him into rehab than on your I.P.O. closing.
Paul: Yeah, well, I'm a businessman, not a saint.
Detective: Obviously.

Mark: One thing I learned in prison, Mom, is not to kill the girls I have sex with.

Manos: [to an incognito Detective Goren] All right, Brady... Back to Heaven.

Detective: [consoling a victimized woman] You're not stupid to have faith.

Detective: What about you?
Johnny: I got my daughter to protect me.
Detective: I carry a gun.
Johnny: And a badge. But no grandchildren.
Detective: [leaving the house] He has Irish Alzheimer's. Forgets everything but the grudges.
Detective: It's good he has you.
Detective: Ye, whatever. They take care of you when you're little, you care for them when they're old. Circle of life. Blah blah blah...

Detective: [to a murder suspect] We all laughed.

Detective: Get your feet off my partner's desk.

Detective: [sitting in the driver's seat of Roger's virgin 1962 Ferrari GTO] Oh, I wish I could tell you how this *feels.* But I can't, not in mixed company... You have no idea!
Roger: You son-of-a-bitch!
Detective: You have no idea.

Detective: This wasn't a robbery gone bad.
Detective: It's murder gone good.

Detective: What is that?
Detective: Fish scale.
Detective: Great, she was attacked by a shark.
Detective: Sharks don't have scales.
Detective: [rolls eyes]

Tommy: [pouring glasses of grappa] Cin cin!
Detective: [as Goren prepares to drink] We're on duty.
[Goren, disappointed, lowers his glass]

Gillian: My Siegfried, my savior.

Scott: [hacking into suspect's laptop] He's encrypted his animation files. I'm betting it's some pretty sick stuff.
Detective: Don't worry; I'll cover your eyes when we play it.

Officer: Look, I was at home watching television. Next thing I know, I'm in a tunnel with a broken leg. Anything else, I don't remember.
Alexandra: This blackout, maybe you were doing shots in front of the TV, popping pills?
Officer: Major Case Lady, take a big bite, OK? I'm not a dope head, I'm not a drunk.
Alexandra: And you're not smart enough to hide your temper.

James: I want a full-court press on the Masuccis.
Detective: Our informants have been telling us that the Randazzos have been on the outs with the Masuccis since three months ago. Some dispute over liquor distribution.
James: Well, now the dispute's over diamonds.
Detective: This is not a mob thing. It's a sucker's game, Captain. This guy's just buying time.
James: He's paying a big premium. There must have been, what, a million bucks' worth of stones in Randazzo's pocket? A lot of money just to send up some smoke.

Detective G. Lynn Bishop: [looking at Coach's photographs] These must be his former players - and their kids. It's beginning to look a little like "Goodbye, Mister Chips" in here.
Detective: [picks up a potted plant] At least Mister Chips had a wife... Cranberry seedling. With my dad, it was avocado pits in a glass of water... TV. He stands over the kitchen sink and he eats while he watches TV. I found the same arrangement when I cleaned out my dad's apartment.

Waitress: This one's Colin Flynn. Sweet guy. Comes in once a week from the church across the street. Haven't seen him in a while. Something wrong with him?
Detective: Job burnout.

Detective: I'm a cop. I'm allowed to lie to criminals.

Detective: You two have a play date?

Dean: [pretending to read Eames's mind] I think there are... some unresolved issues... with a man in your life. Some... *trust* issues.

McTeal's: Look, if your strategy is to drag the church through the mud...
Robert: We have no agenda against the church. For every story you hear of misconduct, there are thousands of stories of good works.
Monsignor: Well, that's the first true thing you've said all day, detective.
Robert: You know, I was thinking, you know, an episcopalian priest can... well, they can have a wife, and a lutheran pastor, they can date a playmate. You have, uh, vows of chastity.
Monsignor: A vocation demands sacrifice.
Robert: Jeez, it must be... frustrating.
Monsignor: Temptation is a test that God gives all of us.
Robert: Well, it seems to be a test you're failing.
Monsignor: I'm no diferent from any other man. How about you, detective Goren? Any frailties of your own?
McTeal's: Look, we're within a minute of walking if we don't hear a charge.
Robert: You can... Love the church for their good works, or you can hate the church for their... Hypocrisy.
Robert: Tick tock. Ti- How much time do I have left? Go ahead. No. How much?
[to Monsignor]
Robert: But both sides agree... Thou shalt not kill.

Detective: One of those hobbies of mine, is studying laws, the laws you used to be paid to enforce.

[last lines]
Detective: She wasn't driven to kill out of rage; she chose to kill out of love.
ADA: Love?
Detective: It's a many-splendored thing.

Detective: You need to take him down; there's only one way.

Nicole: In American literature, the descent into madness is normally preceeded by obsession.

Carmine: [to a small, lackadaisical audience] Thank you, thank you. You all come in the same cab?

Detective: It's a laminating machine.
Detective: Forger's friend. Nathan must have left it behind.
Detective: Serial number's still on it.
Detective: We can trace it to the store.

Nicole: [to Detective Robert Goren] Libraries have always been a refuge for me. All those books. Same for you?

[poking fun at Eames for having her sisters baby]
Nicole: Tell me, did your sister let you keep the sonogram so you'd have something to cuddle up with at night?
Detective: [angrily] I see my nephew, three times a week. Being pregnant was - a great experience, Nicole. Consider yourself robbed.

Detective: [Zach Nichols to Serena Stevens as they walk through Club Stigmata] Oh, we've been made.
Sanson: You beautiful people.
[to Serena Stevens]
Sanson: Especially you--magnificent. Too beautiful to be in my place. Just please, no badges, bad for business. What do you need? How can I speed your exit?
Detective: We're looking for people who drink human blood.
Sanson: I see. And this is strange to you?
Detective: I was a boy scout.

Mr. Smythe: Four counts of manslaughter. That's what I get for overestimating the intelligence of a grand jury.
Detective: Just be grateful the D.A. let you off with a plea bargain.
Mr. Smythe: I don't consider shutting down my website a bargain. All right, Joanie and Chachi, right? This is the last chat I have for them.
Detective: Thank you, you can go do your little dance in Hell now.

Detective: [referring to past radical movements] Disaffected teenagers. They didn't know Karl Marx from Groucho, but they liked the action.

Detective: Woohoo! Steamy!

Detective: Maybe somebody else is pulling the reins.

Detective: Wasn't your aunt "family"?
Fiona: She didn't live with the family. She went to live outside, with them.
Detective: You mean outsiders - like me?
[Fiona nods silently]
Detective: Being an outsider is not such a hot thing.
Fiona: They're suckers. Outsiders are suckers.

Det. Mike Logan: I used to dream about Lennie, he was my old partner. And in the dream he'd always say to me, 'I'm not dead, Mike, I'm not dead', then I'd wake up, and he'd still be dead.
Holly: Maybe not, if you dreamt about him.

Tina: It's them, it's them!
Lucas: Mom, the movie starts in 30 minutes.
Susu: Not until you eat something, Lucas.
Paula: Ah, the excitement of the first sleepover.
Lucas: Mom, the guys are there waiting.
Susu: Gotta go.
Paula: Bye.
Tina: Bye, Tina!
Susu: Bye, mom!

Detective: Frank is not in program. Frank *talks* program.

Stephanie: The Swan Club is a high-Echelon marriage broker. Clients pay an annual retainer of $200,000, and if a client marries one of my girls, I get a $500,000 success fee. Some people think it's unseemly, but why shouldn't your soul mate be vetted by a professional?
Detective: Because it's soulless?

Detective: His future? Your future! You don't plan on dying, remember? You want to be immortal, you *got* to be immortal! And not in a, a tub of nitrogen, no! Your vessel to eternity is the Durning Foundation. To carry your legacy burning bright through the centuries. No, it's not enough for you to be humanitarian of the year; you got to be humanitarian of the millennium.
Detective: [disgusted] Shame on you.... Humanitarian... to everything and everyone, except your son... your son's tragedy. Because, Spence, however much you may like humanity, it's people that you can't stand.

Captain: [to Goren] Now you're being paranoid, Detective... Watch yourself out there.

Robert: Greek mythology seems to be a reoccurring theme in your work. Your three movies, your last musical, Pandora.
Adam: Yes, I'm drawn to the classic stories... how human nature endures.
Robert: Right. And the labyrinth... Well, it's part of the Icarus story. Daedalus... he builds the labyrinth to imprison...
Adam: The minotaur.
Robert: [looking at a picture of a circular labyrinth on the wall] Minotaur. Right. I like the way you... Well, your representation of it onstage.
Adam: Thank you. Yes, the... the labyrinth represents a journey of discovery, a pilgrimage to the truth.
Alexandra: Our job in a nutshell.

Detective: [checking suspicious ink spills on a suspect's desk] I'm checking to see which ones are fresh.
Detective: They must love you in the produce section.

Interim D.A. Nora Lewin: You released her?
Ron: We made a deal with her. She gives us Atwood and the diamonds, she gets five years minimum security with full medical treatment.
Interim D.A. Nora Lewin: What's wrong with her?
Ron: Detective Goren convinced her Atwood gave her AIDS. That's how we flipped her.
Interim D.A. Nora Lewin: But you have her under surveillance.
Detective: No. She'll contact us.
Ron: It was the only way we could get her to cooperate.
Detective: She won't run, Ms. Lewin.
Interim D.A. Nora Lewin: Do you trust his judgment?
Ron: On this, yes, I do.
Interim D.A. Nora Lewin: Should I trust yours?

Detective: [to Johnny] Detective Logan knows about that kind of hate, see his mother used to make him buy booze for her.
[to Logan]
Detective: Tell him about it, he needs to know.
Detective: Well, after the first drink it was all hugs and kisses, a few drinks later, she'd grab whatever she could find and start beating me with it. Then when she got tired of holding whatever she was hitting me with, she'd use her fists. And then the next day, it would start all over again.

Detective: [walking into the conference room and finding Goren sitting on the floor, surrounded by neat rows and columns of open case files] I didn't know you could play Twister by yourself!

Vic: He said that there were two kinds of wives: show dogs and mutts.

Detective: [sarcastically] Self-defense works for me.

Detective: [pulling a new iPod from a teen athlete's pocket] You pay for that out of your paper route?

Detective: I could get someone in so deep, even I couldn't find them.

Johnny: [about Goren] Probably got lost on a doughnut run.
Detective: [enters interrogation room] I heard that.

Robert: Rick dropped out of college and got arrested for public drunkenness, aren't terrorists supposed to be better disciplined?

Detective: I never had a partner with freckles before.
Captain: Three years undercover: drugs, vice, white collar. Nobody ever made her.
Detective: I'll believe it.

Captain: [to Detective Logan] You become a problem for me, you'll be the first to know.

Margie: [at a dance class] I'm not very good at this.
Detective: Just do what I do.
Margie: Yeah, except backwards and in high heels.

Danny: Nice shine! It's gonna have to last you 60 years.

Detective: How'd you find her, craigslist?
Carmine: Who's Craig?

Detective: Roger Jameson, you're under arrest for murder.
Roger: You're joking, aren't you?
Detective: Do you see us wearing clown shoes?

Robert: So it's safe to say you're not big on "turn the other cheek"?
Monsignor: I realize giving her the gun was a... terrible mistake.

Detective: They're an interesting couple.
Detective: Yeah: The Killer and Mrs. Magoo.

Sylvia: [crying] You don't know what it's like!
Detective: What, to work so hard?
Sylvia: Yes.
Detective: And still be a nobody.
Sylvia: Yes.
Detective: Welcome to the human race.

Capt. Danny Ross: You have a tendency to overreact.
Det. Mike Logan: [yelling] I'M NOT OVERREACTING!

A.D.A. Ron Carver: Is it a cult? Brain control?
Detective: Yes.
Detective: No.
A.D.A. Ron Carver: How reassuring.

Nathan: She was fantastic.
Detective: Not according to the text you sent last night.
Detective: My favorite is... "You used your beauty as a weapon to murder the souls of innocent men."
Nathan: I went overboard. I'm sorry.

Det. Nola Falacci: Homicide Investigators' Master Class.
Detective: I'll have to check that out some day.
[Rolls his eyes]

Detective: That's a good attitude, Greg. You're going to need that where you're going.

Ron: There it is in a nutshell. Larry Wiegert's word against the governor, his wife, the chief of staff, the whole damn political machine.
Detective: There they go, down the rabbit hole.
Ron: We can still get Richard Uffland for murder.
Detective: If we can find him.
Ron: His wife can point us in the right direction.
Detective: Now why would she do that?
Ron: Because you're going to arrest her. And if she doesn't cooperate, she doesn't get out of jail.
Detective: No! That's not the deal that we made with her.
Ron: I didn't authorize you to make any deal.
Detective: You damn well did. We told her what you told us, that you had no interest in sending her to jail.
Ron: I didn't. But if I have to, I will. And now I have to.
Detective: Well I'm not arresting her.
Detective: Count me out too.
Detective: We're supposed to be better than the people we're prosecuting. The governor might've taken a bribe, but he kept up his end of the bargain.

Nyle: Oh, there it is again... the "j" word. I thought we agreed, there's no room for judgment in a creative workplace.
Paul: There's also no room for psychotic behavior and gross stupidity, okay?

Detective: [carefully slicing open his own palm with switchblade] Oh, look. I cut myself.

Joseph: The producer wanted his own star killed.
Robert: It was the only way to stop the bleeding, and he had someone on the inside to do the job.
Joseph: How do you prove it?
Alexandra: With the help of some egomaniacs with inferiority complexes.

Marion: [onstage, rehearsing soliloquy as Lady Macbeth] "Come, you spirits that tend on mortal thoughts, unsex me here and fill me - "
[Offstage, Marion's acting coach Lawrence Bradley stifles a yawn]
Marion: " - from the crown to the toe..." Harvey? Harvey! Who's going to be in the front row?

Detective: The more I know, the less I sleep.

Detective: It's the perfect prescription for paranoia.

Nicole: Did it ever occur to you how much you despised him?
Detective: Who, Croydon?
Nicole: No. "Daddies," Bobby; the subject is "daddies."

Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: The gonorrhea of all three boys had the same DNA.
Detective G. Lynn Bishop: Could they have gotten from each other?
Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: No, it's doubtful. Autopsies showed no rectal or oral infection.
Detective: Well, they got it from the same girl.
Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: Unless toilet seats and doorknobs are making a comeback.

Detective: One fake miracle, two real deaths.

Detective: How does the 'net always find out everything before we do?

Detective: You're not crazy about that guy?
Detective: Actually, I... I hate him.

James: AIDS. Tough break.
Detective: Tougher if it was true.
Ron: You think she believed it?
James: We better come up with another way of finding Atwood.
Detective: We searched the apartment, her purse... no leads to him or the merchandise.
Ron: What about the other one, the, uh, the Serbian?
Detective: Casten Zivkovic; he's overstayed his visa along with a million other people we can't find.
James: Let's release his and Atwood's picture to the media; put some pressure on, hope they slip up.
Detective: [seeing Gia start to chew her nail] We got her. This.
[mimicking her]
Detective: That's her blink.

Kevin: You're looking for a woman.
Detective: We found a woman.

Detective: I want to shove a stick in Kelmer's cage. See what he does.
James: What do you got in mind?
Detective: A leak to the media about finding a torso.
Detective: We're going to tell her family it's not her though, right?
Detective: No. He could find out.
Detective: I made a promise to her cousin.
James: I got to go with Bobby on this one.

Paula: Actually, I was struck by the fact that this dream is what you wanted to discuss today. You want me to know that my opinion matters, but now who's asking questions that he knows the answers to?... Instead of discussing what happened at the end of last session? A week ago, you were furious. You walked out. And today, I'm... I'm not sure what's on your mind or... or even why you came back.
Robert: It's on my mind. No matter... what was going on from your side, you know. I'm sorry for losing my temper. I wanted to apologize for that.
Paula: Thank you. It's fine to apologize, but I think we should talk about, try to reconstruct what happened between us.
Robert: I told you, I think I overreacted.
Paula: Yes, and I am suggesting because something powerful came up, something important. Why do you think you turned so quickly?
Robert: Yeah, we got our wires crossed.
Paula: Has that happened to you before?
Robert: What? Come on. You're telling me that that's never happened to you?
Paula: You became enraged because you thought I suggested you might be hitting on me.
Robert: [impatient] Look, I don't know what your angle is with me. I don't know if you're trying to get me to fail... To fall for you. I don't know if you're trying to get me to... behave crazy, so you can call the N.Y.P.D...
Paula: So you don't know what the rules of engagement are here. So let's talk about that...
Robert: [angry] You want to know what I feel? I feel anger.
Paula: And last week, you were flooded with it. Fight or flight. What's underneath the anger?
Robert: More anger.
Paula: And underneath that, fear... fear that I'm gonna betray you, fear that I'm gonna humiliate you, that I must be up to something more than to get you to know your own mind. And that's why you run. Deep down, if we do this work, you're justifiably terrified of what we might discover.

[last lines]
Detective: The tango just goes on.

Robert: Charlene is a full-on borderline. The more drama that she creates outside herself, the calmer that she gets.

Captain: Try to curb your enthusiasm.
Detective: I'll curb it when we get this freak locked in a box.

Detective: Helen's going to clam up like a pistachio.

Detective: You see, Harvey, you need the approval of one special person; but Marion here, well, she wants - you know, the whole *world* to love her.

Detective: Nobody's reasonable when they're in love. That's the whole point of it!

Detective: Worst thing that can happen to a man that wants to be remembered?
ADA: What's that?
Detective: In a year or two his own son won't know who he is.

Detective: Sorry, sorry I'm late. Nothing like a, uh, five hour German opera to make you really appreciate a murder scene.

Captain: Look, you're within your rights to walk away.
Detective: Yeah, if I do, they keep me in purgatory forever.
Captain: Watch yourself out there.
Detective: Yes, Captain. Just get me back.

Detective: [to Ethan Edwards] You went searching for God. How did you end up looking for targets?

Mike: I haven't seen any innocent people in a long time.

Ethan: My allegiance is to God - to Allah.

[opening title narration]
Narrator: In New York City's war on crime, the worst criminal offenders are pursued by the detectives of the Major Case Squad. These are their stories.

Detective: [parroting a suspect] "Pret-ty girls."

Detective: [about the travel arrangements for Miss Kittridge's remains] Private jet? Yeah, man, even dead these people go first class, huh.

Captain: Lock up all the career criminals and you start a turf war. The Law of Unintended Consequences.

Detective: You stepped between me and my family.
Detective: Which family was that?

Detective: There's a receipt here from "Max's Kansas City."
Detective: That used to be a happenin' place.
[Wheeler stares at Logan blankly]
Detective: It's an expression.
Detective: Groovy.

Detective: [finding gay porn in the reverend's desk drawer] One of these things is not like the others.

Detective: [Examining Body] Her panties are probably down. He redressed her.
Detective: Modest. The righteous are always the worst.

Jacob: [about Miles Stone and his act] He called it "the new magic."

Jamie: [referring to his late mother] She was a bit of a self-medicator.
Detective: I know the type.

Detective: You're in deep serious now, kid.

Detective: It turns out that he's a drunk, he's a gambler. You know, she does everything for him, he does nothing for her. He's not a parent.
Paula: You're angry at him.
Detective: Well, the guy's a user! You know? He's a piece of... Sorry.
Paula: Don't be. It's a tell. He presses a lot of your buttons. Why?
Detective: You think that he represents my father?
Paula: Do I? We haven't talked about your father.
Detective: He's in my file, isn't he?
Paula: No, not much. Only that he's deceased.
Detective: Well, then, there's not much to talk about. I mean, he's long gone. You know, he didn't really father me.
Paula: How do you mean?
Mark: [Goren remembering his biological father, serial killer Mark Hardy] I did some handiwork around the house when the husband wasn't there. Which was often.
Detective: Nothing. It's just... He would go away, which was often. And when he was around, he was a charming man. Loved a good time.
Paula: How so?
Detective: He used to take me to ball games, hockey.
Paula: Sounds like fun.
Detective: Didn't actually take me to games. He took me to this woman's house. Maggie's... to her apartment. You know, I would watch the game in front of a big color tv, and he would, you know... he would go into the bedroom with her. I remember the first time that he took me there. On the way back, he stopped to buy us some ices. And he told me, "let's just keep this between us men, okay, Bobby?"
Paula: He had you cover for him?
Detective: Yeah.
Paula: Do you remember how that felt?
Detective: Lying to my mother? I got used to it.
Paula: Okay. How does it feel now?
Detective: Well... My father taught me an important lesson. Everybody lies all the time.

Detective: [encountering an unexpected presence] Juliet!... And her Romeo.

Detective: I like how you made me do that. Made me cross the room, by keeping your voice down.
Jay: [smiling] It wasn't deliberate.
Detective: Come on. It's the classic "Sicilian gambit." To get me to the door. We're done anyway. Thank you for seeing us.
[Goren and Eames halt in the door frame]
Detective: Oh, by the way...

Danielle: You called it fluff. You don't believe love is possible? True love?
Robert: I want to believe. Make me believe.

Robert: Did he ever ask you to sabotage Marc's rig?
Donald: No. But when Marc fell... I knew Evan was gonna cash in.
Alexandra: [being ironic] And they say there's no creativity in the theater these days.

A.D.A. Ron Carver: My only predicament here is deciding which tie to wear to your client's execution.

Alexandra: [as D'Onofrio empties out the incriminating contents in a black bin bag found hidden in the boot of Sandy Del Gado's car] Houston, we have a problem.

Janine: Eleanor understands the complex algorithm of money, social standing, and fitting in.

Detective: You think she'll actually be safe?
Detective: Maybe Harry was just trying to protect her.
Detective: Maybe.

Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: Why do all cops think that if they'd stayed in school they could have been doctors?

Captain: Nothing like a two-thousand degree fire to destroy evidence.

[last lines]
Detective: This search for the truth, it's... it's not for the faint-hearted.

Detective: Boo! Made ya look!

Detective: Your girls. They go to Mary Hill. That's ten, fifteen thousand a year for each. How do you afford it?
Terry: If something's important enough, you find a way. We're very frugal.
Detective: [chuckles] Oh... oh... My partner's a, a miser. I'm frugal. And neither of us could afford a house, two kids in a private school...
Terry: You're not that frugal. You buy nice clothes. Pay full price; nothin' in your size is ever on sale. You buy good-quality accessories, like that leather case. You're not married, so you spend money on dates. You like good food. You have someone in to clean your apartment every week. You're smart, have lots of interests and hobbies, and you spend a fortune on them. I don't wonder that you don't have money for a house; I wonder how you make subway fare, the way you spend money.

Bernard: Empty carcasses, devoid of dreams and ambitions.

Captain: [about the kidnapping] You think it's real?
Mike: I don't know. Gimme a body with some blood on it at a crime scene, I'm a happy camper.

Joseph: Chief of the detectives office just called about those psych evals. You know, those shrink sessions are non-cancelable.
Robert: Yeah, you got it, captain.
Joseph: Spare me the attitude, all right?
Robert: You know that it's a waste...
Joseph: [interrupting Goren] I know how non-negotiable these sessions were to get your ass back behind this desk. They still think you're crazy upstairs. You know this.

Captain: Mrs. Jarrett, if we knew this boy's name, we could pluck him out of your daughter's life like a bad tooth.

Robbie: [reciting to himself] Focus in. Trust my intellect. Admit to trivial things. Focus in...

[last lines]
Detective: They are adorable.
Detective: They are what dreams are made of. *Bad* dreams.

Detective: [poking around ADA Mulroney's office, delightedly] Is this a *closet*?

Coach: [bitterly] "Heads-up," huh? You really got the old man good, didn't you.
Detective: Yeah, well, that's how I beat all my men on the court, Coach: head fake.

Dr. Scott Borman: [about his sexual encounters] Well, they weren't singing the blues when *I* was plowing the field.

Coach: [addressing Goren's partner, Detective G. Lynn Bishop] Does he always beat around the bush?
Detective: I can be direct. You're divorced. You've got no kids. And basketball is pretty much it for you, Coach. You haven't won a championship in the past seven years. You might be hungry for a big win to cap your career. Hungry enough for you to get into business with Curtis Romney?
Coach: I can be direct, too. I see a problem with authority figures. You defy them. You disrespect them. The truth is, you're intimidated by them. It's the mark of a boy with an indifferent father. His absence took the joy out of playing basketball.
[Powell dismissively turns his attention back to Detective Bishop]

Detective: Bing! Right here.

Detective: He gives her a car; three months later he tries to shoot her. Sounds like love to me.

Detective: The woman has boyfriends coming out of her ears!

[Logan comes close to attacking a perp, but restrains himself]
Detective: [to Goren] That guy, he would have been *worth* 10 more years on Staten Island!

Detective: You watched the forces gather round Sternman to kill him.
Rick: But I didn't do anything.
Detective: That's right. You did nothing, and that my friend is manslaughter.
Rick: But he owed me!
Detective: He owed you the salary he paid you.

Detective: It won't be pleasant for me.
Detective: Mm-mmm.
Detective: It's about getting *him*, right?
Detective: Mm-hmm.
Detective: So what's the problem.

Robert: You don't have to do that.
Paula: How do you mean?
Robert: Empathize with me.
Paula: Is that what you think I'm doing?
Robert: Yeah, 'I'm sure you had reason not to come'. You know, 'your job is too tough... to get away from.' You're trying to gain my trust.
Paula: I don't think that would be that easy to do.

Marla: [about her parents] They didn't like it here. It's too loud, too crowded.

Detective: *God*, I'm glad I went to public school.

Detective: [appealing to criminal suspect] I mean, what's more selfish than the desire for personal freedom?

Robert: You're lying. But that's what producers do, isn't it? You lie for a living.
Evan: Yeah, well, so are the police!

Detective: [Eames and Goren find a briefcase in a trashcan. Eames wants to call the bomb squad; Goren sees an ID on the briefcase and grabs it, which scares the hell out of Eames] It's good to be back.

Stephanie: [to Goren] Oh, well, you're very, very welcome. You know, if you're ever in the market for a date, I'd be happy to put you in our database.
Detective: [hesitating] Oh...
Detective: Sorry, he can't afford your meat market.

Robert: Look, every other actor on Icarus is a respected pro, right? Marc Landry was a... he was a sitcom actor. You're not giving anything away.
Michael: Okay. Off the record? Marc Landry was dreadful, atrocious. Getting killed was the best thing that ever happened to his Broadway career.

Detective: Typhoid Roger, after you dump him, you get sick.
Detective: Blackmail him and you get killed.

Detective: Oh, the Patriot Act. Yeah, well I read that under its original title, "1984."

Janey: [to Goren and Eames] If you're trying to freak me out, it's working.

Captain: He still drive a Jag?
Detective: A new one every three years. Just like his harassment lawsuits.

Nicole: Tell me, Robert, how often do you get up to the Carmel Ridge Center?
Robert: Once a week. And a phone call every day.
Nicole: How old were you when you first realized it?
Robert: No. You want to play, then it's gonna have to be tit-for-tat. You have to tell me something true about you, about Nicole.
Nicole: All right. I did meet Nicole before I left for England. She told me things.
Robert: Where is she now?
Nicole: I don't know. Carried away by dingoes? It happens a lot in Australia.

Detective: How many 8 year old girls do you know that love sports cars?
Detective: Besides me?

Detective: Could we see your cellar?
Mason: Sadly no. I need to limit the vibration and movement down there. I'm sure you understand. Carl will show you out.
Detective: A man with something to hide?
Detective: I think it's my size 13 vibe.

Ted: [on construction site] If somebody in my business had killed him, you woulda never found the body.
[He chuckles]

Deborah: Nyle's brilliant.
Detective: I'm sure he is. He just doesn't seem like a detail-oriented, you know, "plan for the future" kind of guy.
Deborah: Well, luckily for him, he has lots of advisers who are detail-oriented "plan for the future" types.

Buildings: East 74th... here it is. Plans issued two weeks ago to an Anna Hutchinson.
Detective: You get any ID?
Buildings: Student ID from Cooper Union. Oh, yeah; I remember her.
Detective: What'd she look like?
Buildings: Uh... good-looking young woman. Slim, dark hair, shoulder-length. Glasses, black rims. You know, the art student look.
Detective: What was her demeanor like? The way she spoke; friendly or not?
Buildings: Not. An honest-to-goodness ice queen.
Detective: We'll need you to come down later to talk to our sketch artist. Thanks.
[turning to leave]
Detective: Using this girl, that's not standard procedure for a burglary crew.
Detective: It's most likely the boss's girlfriend. Anybody else wouldn't be trusted.
Detective: [her phone rings] Eames. Put him through. Yes, this is Detective Eames. That's right. I'll need the card number. Get back to me, please.
[hanging up]
Detective: Dispatcher from the limo company. The car was ordered over the phone with a credit card, name of Justin Crane.

Barry: Isabel and I haven't been romantic since Bastille Day.
Detective: Now there's a holiday that's tough on relationships.

Coach: If you want to talk to any of my boys, call their lawyer.
Detective: Telling 'em to lawyer up - what a way to build character.

Detective: [dryly] You like your little brother, we can tell.
Doris: [in prison for manslaughter] Yeah he wasn't like the rest of us, could actually hold down a steady job, or talk to strangers without getting into a fight.

Detective: Nobody's reasonable when they're in love. That's the whole point of it.

Megan: Were you insufficiently praised as a child?
Detective: Me? No. They praised me all the time, which backfired and made me think too much of myself.
Megan: You over that?
Detective: I'm working on it.

[looking at Goren with exasperation]
Nicole: Trespassing? Next thing you'll be handing out parking tickets.

Detective: [realizing DePalma faked a holdup] A starter's pistol, I would've shot him over a starter's pistol.

Detective: What, you're going?
Detective: Well, yeah. Sleep, remember?
Detective: You live all the way in Brooklyn. My place is right down the street.
Detective: [gives him a wary look]
Detective: I'll take the couch.
Detective: I don't believe you got a
[searches for appropriate word]
Detective: couch that big.
Detective: Yeah, maybe not.

Detective: Gee, I need a hanky.

Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: [to Goren] Well, even though I kick myself every time I say this, you were right.

Detective: I got a hit on our John Doe. I sent his prints up to Canada.
Detective: Michael Carson.
Detective: That tattoo he had, prison tattoo. Canadian prison; Archambault, up in Montreal. Carson spent three years in cell block D for possession with intent. That's why he was wearing new clothes. Whoever shot him didn't want his old clothes traced back to Canada.
Detective: How did you...?
Detective: The guy with the body art, he's got biker friends up there. Carson's parole officer hasn't seen him since a week ago last Thursday. Meaning he came down here Thursday night or Friday.
Detective: Being a felon, he would have avoided going through customs at the airport. That leaves the train, where inspections are more lax.

Captain: [about Nichols] Both of his parents were psychiatrists.
Detective: Psychiatrists' kids are always crazy.
Captain: He's not crazy... exactly.

Nelda: Robert, don't you care for me at all? You do. I saw it.
Detective: I didn't mean for you to see it.

Marcel: Those hicks should be dead.

Detective: [after Rodgers gives an update on what she found during Broidy's autopsy] Anything else?
Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: He had a taco for lunch.

Naomi: It was an accident. Mark needs to feel powerful, but he doesn't need to kill.
Detective: If only his mother had given him that kind of understanding.

Mike: [after Mike ends up in the hospital after the brawl at the firehouse]
[to Wheeler]
Mike: Hand me my pants, will you?
Megan: Logan, I'm really sorry that...
Mike: Wheeler, two things that I don't need right now: another fight or an apology.

Detective: Beth Harner's behavior was very, very strange that morning, but it's another rookie cop's mistake to think that strange behavior equals guilt.

Captain: [to Falacci] Detective, it's okay to have the thought; you don't always have to say it.

Detective: Well, she didn't believe in heaven and hell, so how would she know the devil was massaging her neck?

Lauren: I'm guilty of infidelity. I'm not a murderer. I loved Ben.
Robert: Another marriage built on true love. We get a lot of that around here.

Paula: Detective Goren? I'm Paula Gyson. Come on in.
Robert: Sorry I'm late.
Paula: Well, it's tough to get away from your job.
Robert: No excuse.
[looking around]
Robert: Your office, it's... striking.
Paula: Thank you.
Robert: These two doors, they remind me of a riddle. You know the one? Two identical doors. Two identical guards. One guard is an angel guarding heaven, he always tells the truth. And the other guard is a devil guarding hell. He always has to lie. You have one question to ask to get into heaven. What would that question be? You'll never get it. It's... You'll...
Paula: Give me time.

Frank: [to his brother] Just take Eames to a motel and get it out of your system.

Detective: [Alex comes up to Bobby after separately interviewing] My witnesses did better than yours.

Detective: This must be some kind of situation you've got on your hands.
Stuart: Why do you say that?
Detective: Well, you've loosened your tie, you've got a drink on your desk, you've got three phone lines blinking, and you're chewing the inside of your cheeks like some kind of frantic chipmunk.
Detective: [pauses, Stuart looks flustered] Are you under a lot of stress?

[last lines]
Alexandra: Erica will be so disappointed in them.

Paige: He was... really black.
Detective: "Really black"? You mean, obsidian?

Tommy: [to his son-in-law] In bocca al lupo.
[Usually "Good luck"; but literally "Into the mouth of the wolf."]

Detective: He looked like he already knew our names.
Detective: Don't flatter yourself.

Detective: She's a big girl. Confident. Struts her stuff.

Dr. Scott Borman: You do know, of course, that "zoonotic" doesn't mean that the viruses came from the zoo.
Detective: It doesn't? Well, my partner was telling me that, but it doesn't make sense to me, because there's the word "zoo"...
Dr. Scott Borman: [Leers at Eames] Guys... we never listen.
Detective: [Moves to stand between half-naked Borman and Eames] You conducted seminars for 'Special Friends of the Zoo'.
Dr. Scott Borman: Well the directors think I'm a good ambassador, for the zoo.
Dr. Scott Borman: [Spits]
Detective: [Disgusted] Because you have so much in common with your animals?

Detective: [entering a warehouse with a strong coffee smell] Do you smell it?
Detective: I'm getting a caffeine buzz just breathing it in.

Detective: [Goren pulls a necklace out of the victim's mouth] What do you think this means?
Detective: Robbery wasn't the motive?

Reverend Norman Mills: Well, you know, detective, shame is a very underrated emotion. In the big city it's very easy to go unnoticed by others, so your conscience becomes your only witness. And for most of us, that's not enough.
Detective: And I'm sure every Sunday you play that card for all it's worth.

Detective: [to Detective Goren] You're the lapsed altar boy.

Dede: [screaming] There is no mothering like *real* mothering! You hear me, Johnny? You go to Hell!

Detective: She was the tail wagging the dog.

John: [to Detectives Goren and Eames] I lost more in one day than you'll earn in a thousand years.

Detective: We saw your show and... Well, you were phoning it in.
Dean: What about you, detective? Lost a step or two over the years, or still think you can pull off the big solve?

Detective: [taking out a pack of money from a little box] There's at least $5,000 here. I didn't have that kind of spending money in college.
Detective: It's more than I have now.

Detective: [laughing, to Detective Eames] She stole our stapler. Maureen stole our stapler! *That's* why she has all those knick-knacks. Interesting, huh?

Detective: As a little girl I used to dream of living this way.
Detective: It's musty in here, you can see the dead flies way up. Fake flowers. Hope you got over that.

Detective: We arrested his girlfriend.
Wally: She probably has the money. Women like money.
Detective: So do men.
Wally: That's because women like men with money.

Detective: You're going on a CIA-sponsored tour of all the hot spots.

Detective: [about a book Kaspers bought for a child] "The Wretched of the Earth." Was the bookstore out of "Charlotte's Web"?
Axel: [earnestly] Do you know the book? Can anyone know that book without being moved to take pity - to take action?
Detective: Yeah, I never step on spiders any more.

Detective: This YouTube essay by Mia, a very distinctive voice.
Detective: She's developing quite a fan base.
Detective: No, Connor's praise was well deserved.
Detective: Not just the kinder, gentler, treatment of a young journalism intern. Who might be very attractive?
Detective: Really, you think so?
Detective: Well, it's obvious you think her mother Patricia is a bit of a knockout.
Detective: Was I that obvious?
Detective: So if Mia's looks were in the genes, along with a superior talent...
Detective: You have a wicked imagination, I like that in a partner.

Jimmy: You know, I always had a thing for Gia. But never, out of respect for Danny...
Karl: Well, I admire your discipline.
Jimmy: She mentioned you had a piece of business.
Karl: Not here, Jimmy.
Jimmy: No. Sure. How big a piece?
Karl: $100 million big.

Detective: From chess prodigy to paranoid prodigy. That's why I stuck with checkers.

Robert: Well, if she stole the money, she had to have a reason.
Alexandra: Greed?
Robert: Yeah, but she lives within her means. I mean, she had three pairs of shoes in her closet.
Alexandra: Maybe she was sick of it.

Paula: So she's like a sister? It's important to you that I know that there aren't any romantic possibilities between the two of you, isn't it?
Detective: I don't get it. I mean, what...? You know... when... A man can't have a working friendship with his partner? I mean, it has to be more than that?
Paula: This is not my point. I'm wondering if you think romantic feelings for someone you admire and respect are at odds. Are there any women in your life?
Detective: The last few years I've been dealing with a lot of loss.
Paula: More than your fair share. And before that?
Detective: I've had... Relationships. It's just that in my work... You know, the hours aren't conducive. You know, a man of my age... Single a long time, you know? All of my problems... It's too late. I mean, that's what you're thinking.
Paula: What else am I thinking?... Look, between your work and your affect, you've created an emotional drawbridge that's protected you in many ways. It's a good thing. Do you ever feel lonely?

Camera: Yes, Mr. Crane. I remember the sale. He spent two minutes looking at the camera, and bang; sold.
Detective: What'd he look like?
Camera: About six feet, medium height, red hair, short, mustache. Tinted aviator glasses.
Detective: Did he show you a driver's license?
Camera: Of course. We ask for one with every purchase.
Detective: Was anybody with him?
Camera: No.
Detective: Did he know a lot about cameras?
Camera: He knew what he was looking for. He asked for one with good low-light resolution.
Detective: And what did that tell you?
Camera: Low light; um, boudoir photos. 90% of these instant cameras, people buy them for intimate portraiture. Excuse me a sec.
Detective: [he leaves to help another customer] We got a pop on the credit card. The 3-6 has a suspect in custody.

Detective: [apparently tipsy, to ADA Mulrooney] You might as well be working in traffic court!
[Goren laughs uproariously]

Captain: What are we talking about, some kind of Manson family?
Detective: If the Manson family shopped on Madison Avenue.

Detective: He's lobbying for a casino *and* against it.
Detective: He's playing the cowboys *and* the Indians.

Stan: [to Goren] You know, you're awfully snoopy.
Detective: A lot of people point that out.

[last lines]
Mrs. Kenderson: Hope is for *suckers*, detective.

Detective: The train's about to run out of gravy.

Detective: A normal life is not for you, Nicole... Too much damage has been done.

Detective: Abusive ex-husbands, boyfriends. It's what she's had to put up with in order to support her habit.
Detective: Lemme get out my violin.

[last lines]
Detective: She didn't believe in Heaven or Hell, so how would she know that the Devil was massaging her neck?

Captain: So Det. Harry Williams has just moved from lead investigator to lead suspect. I can't wait to tell the Chief of Ds.
Detective: Oh yeah? Well, I say we kick this whole mess back to the gang unit, huh? He's their problem. I'd rather stay out of it.
Detective: [Entering squad room] Logan, you looking for me?

Benito: Terry... Chill
Terry: You chill moron, you're late
Benito: Come on... I got detention
Terry: You'll get permanent detention, if you don't wise up. You're a day late, so now let's go
Benito: I got it... I got it... That's my working capital
Terry: That's a fine you pay for trying to duck me amigo
Benito: Damn lady, you're not even a real cop
Terry: But you're a real dope dealer and I am a badge and I have the authority to arrest you, pacify you and mess you up and that's before I turn you over to the real cops. You and your colleagues live and breathe at my pleasure... remember that

Detective: A divorce lawyer - the gift that keeps on giving.

Detective: I was willing to take the investigation to the end of the line.

[last lines]
Detective: Must be a family trait.
A.D.A. Ron Carver: What's that?
Detective: No stomach for the truth.

Kelly: This is a small town. I've learned to ignore the rumor mill. I just try to kee...
Robert: Smiling.

Detective: I smell blood in the water.

Robert: You asked me if I... if I'm lonely. You asked if I could ever have feelings for someone...
Paula: Romantic feelings.
Robert: ...for someone I respect. But you didn't answer my question. Is it too late?
Paula: Um, you're worried that you've missed the boat? I think as we start...
Robert: Can you stop? Can you just... You know, we don't have a lot of sessions left. You know, and I'm a big boy. You know, I'm a grown man. And what is it that you said? My emotional drawbridge, it's up. Okay, I can take it. Just tell me if you think I can have what other people have. You know, a home, a relationship.
Paula: If you wanna work towards those goals, then, yeah, we can do that.
Robert: Work towards those goals. What is that? I mean, what does that mean? No? I mean, is that couched-in shrink speak?
Paula: I'm not the one saying no or it's too late. You are. Where's this coming from?
Robert: I mean, I look in the mirror every day, and I see what you see. You know, it's not working, this. You know, I ask you for your professional judgment, and then you turn it back on me. I mean, come on, you're smart. You're someone that I respect.
Paula: And you want to know if I see you as someone capable of being in a relationship.
Robert: That's what... You think that I'm hitting on you, is that you...
Paula: No!
Robert: Come on!
Paula: That's not what I was saying.
Robert: [angry] No? Look, I know what you do, doctor. You seem open, empathic, and you listen. You know, you're beautiful. So you get your patients to trust you, and then you pull back. You toy with them, and that's your game, isn't it?
Paula: Detective...
Robert: [angry] Isn't it? Isn't it? Look, this is not working for me!
Paula: I know that I have inadvertently...
Robert: [angry] You know, you should call my captain, or, you know, ONE P.P., or whoever that you report back to, and you should tell them that I am not a good candidate for therapy!
Paula: I need you to help me understand what I did wrong.
Robert: If they want to take my badge away again...
Paula: Right when you feel you need to run...
Robert: [shutting the door] This isn't working. It's not helping.

Detective: He killed these girls and took their pictures.
Detective: Can hold their poses for hours and never complain, the perfect models.

Frank: [about Keith] He got the best part of me, the night I rolled off of his mother.

Detective: I know this guy. He's a lonely man, with a shot at happiness. He's gonna fight for it.

Captain: Cyber-Rashomon. Reggie says Holden shot Todd, Holden says Reggie did it and Willow doesn't even believe anyone's dead.

Detective: But then, you'd be worth bringing back.
Spencer: I don't plan on dying.

Detective: Speaking of cradles, looks like you robbed one.
Detective: You're uh, looking for her, huh? You worried that you didn't inoculate her thoroughly enough against our tricks?
Nicole: She has a natural immunity to pathological liars.
Detective: Well, uh, I've never seen you so agitated.
Nicole: It must be all the pleasant memories this place brings back.

Detective: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, you go to jail.

Robert: Is that what it says in my file?
Paula: [looking at a big pile of papers] That? That's only part of your file.
Robert: Did you accept to do this before or after you read it?
Paula: After.
Robert: And after the more experienced psychiatrists begged off?
Paula: I didn't have to fight to get you. And it wasn't only the files. Seven employer-mandated sessions with someone... as challenging as you...
Robert: You were gonna say "crazy," weren't you?
Paula: Why do you think that?

Detective: Tommy thought Beatrice was trying to get pregnant. He should've been happy.
Detective: Instead he tried to sabotage her, by changing her hours, feeding her soy. I can only think of one reason why a father would want to do that.
Detective: Unfortunately, so can I.

Mark: What's the matter, Mom? I know you've been watching me. What is it?
Laura: [whispers, her head turned away] You're a... a malignant narcissist.
Mark: What did you say?

Detective: She's like a little puppy in your hands, pissing all over herself with excitement.

Detective: If you want to smoke that cigarette, go ahead, don't mind us.
Ed: [takes it from behind his ear] Uh, no, I don't smoke.
Detective: [noticing] The filter's pinched.
Ed: It's for a character I'm working on.
Detective: [to Eames] Another actor.

Father: So for what it's worth Mike, my advice to you is: get out. You've done your duty. You've served. You've protected. There's another world out there.
Mike: Is there?
Father: You just haven't been able to see it.

Captain: She blows things up but kept her teddy bear?

Detective: I miss Vice. People doing stuff for money. Guys like this. I get them.

Captain: I know she's supposed to be in fragile health, but pay a call on Lady Harrington; find out if she's really signing these papers, or if they're robbing her grave before she's even in it.

April: You said that nobody would get hurt. You promised me!
Mitch: [to detectives, sarcastically] I *promised* her. Can you believe this chick?

Detective: [Last lines]
Detective: That's why I never had kids. Empty vessels that Daddy fills with love, compassion, empathy... 'cause you get a - a me... or a him. Oops.

Detective: He gave me a big hug. He said it was a great thing I was doing for my sister, and he said when the time comes, he'll hook you up with a temporary partner.
Detective: Oh no. I didn't even think of that. Well, what'd you say?
Detective: I pitied the fool.

Detective: [a witness is a homeless woman who has named herself God] Put God together with the sketch artist.

Nikki: I hope I've been helpful, detectives.
Detective: [being ironic] You have. No, you have. Except for the lie.

Captain: How'd things go with the shrink?
Detective: I'm pregnant.
Captain: That well?

Detective: Your acting coach told us how you're obsessed with James Dean, you try to move like him, you try to talk like him, you even... is it true you have your own Sal Mineo waiting for you at home?
Johnny: You son of a bitch!

Marty: [to Detective Goren] You've done good work here, but now the ball is in our wheelhouse.

Trevor: [to Detective Goren] My, my - a human polygraph.

Gia: I told you, they didn't plant nothing on me.
Karl: Shut up. You're stupid enough to get pinched, you're stupid enough to let them put a signal on you.
Gia: Well, then, what are they waitin' for? Baby, trust me.
Karl: They let you go, you bitch. What'd you do, get on your knees, give 'em a hummer? Huh?
Gia: I told them what they wanted to hear. It doesn't matter. It got me here with you.
Karl: They're the police. They set you up.
Gia: They tried! They tried to mess with my head. They told me that Carson's got AIDS and that you got the bug from him and that you gave it to me. They think I bought it, but I didn't.
Karl: [putting a gun to her head] I should get out now. I should leave you right here and get out.

Detective: That cell phone number's cribbed.
Ron: Can we use it to get Atwood?
Detective: The phone company can triangulate a call to the phone. We'll need a warrant.
Ron: I'll handle it.

Robert: [sarcastically to Roger Porter] You see, we googled you... six credits on shows that Evan produced since you... you graduated... Yale drama. You're a Yale man! A dramaturge!
Roger: Stop it!
Robert: [being ironic] You know, it must be hard for artists these days, you now, the crass comercial considerations and never-ending pursuit of... Profit. You know, profit. Yeah, I guess that's why they call it show bussiness. But in the end, you are an artist, right? You create illusions, you know. You live in a world of make-believe. But this... This is real. Somebody's dead. There's a body at the morgue. And what got him there? Your fear of failure.
Evan: Bravo. I'm gonna have to cast you in my new production with that performance.
Robert: [indignant to Evan Korman] You killed a man to save your reputation.
[to Roger Porter]
Robert: And you killed a man because you wanted to be a producer? Really? To share a marquee with Evan Korman... Son of the late, great, legendary Irwin Korman?

Amanda: I've always thrown myself into my work to the exclusion of all else. It felt safe there... the one place I wouldn't have to think about the things I was running from.
Robert: [empathic] I understand.

Chocolate: Kenna, yeah. I remember him. Sure.
Detective: You had a dust-up with him for wearing double clothes.
Chocolate: He had me strip down to my kimono, so all the people in the galleries could see.
Chocolate: You probably liked that.
Chocolate: Shut up, Ma, they're talkin' to me!
Detective: Is your mom right, Jimmy? Or- or did you feel humiliated?
Chocolate: I'm no Anna Nicole. I don't like bein' made a spectacle.
Detective: Then you'll be happy to know Guard Kenna was stabbed to death in his building two days ago.
Detective: Do you know anything about that, Jimmy?
Chocolate: He doesn't know anything. He just sits around eating biscuits. "Get a hobby," I tell him.
Chocolate: I know things, Ma!
Chocolate: Ungrateful, biscuit-eating son of a bitch!

Alexandra: [searching Dana's apartment, picks up black brief underwear] I can see a European in these...
[picks up plaid boxers]
Alexandra: but not these.
[checks tags]
Alexandra: Different sizes.
Robert: She's very busy.

Detective: You think he's the money trail?
Detective: I am going to try and find out.
Detective: I really feel I should try to talk you out of this.
Detective: But that's always been a wasted effort.
Detective: Yeah,
Detective: right.

Detective: [opening up a container of very nasty smelling cheese] That's Rochette. Made from sheep's milk.
Detective: You can tell that just from the smell?
Detective: It's, uh... on the label.

Rani: [to his sister] You look well: House arrest agrees with you.

ADA: [Goren bet Carver 10-1 that a murderer will call him back] 10-1?
Detective: I've taken him on before, Mr. Carver. I'm down eighteen bucks.

Delia: Oh, yes. "Bound for Broadway"... Our seniors enjoy it. Of course, it helps that they're a little hard of hearing.

Detective: When tourists take a bite of the Big Apple, the apple isn't supposed to bite back.

Detective: And that's when you overcame your biggest fear. You changed your way of being.
Doug: Yes!
Detective: You killed your dad and transformed your life.
Doug: [nods, smiling] Yes, I did.
Detective: And you killed your brother for the same reason.
Detective: The brother who had loved you, who watched over you.
Doug: It's wasn't real love. The context wasn't authentic. He watched out for me out of guilt. It's old stuff.
Detective: It's in the past. You killed your dad and you... let it go.
Doug: Yes!
Detective: Well, so then you became everything that Grace Note promised you. I mean, like it says here in the brochure, look! You became creator of your own destiny! Wow, look at you! You're a success story!

Joseph: [showing the newspaper] This show is Broadway Teflon. Ticket sales have doubled since the murder.
Alexandra: Never underestimate the public's appetite for blood.

Nicole: Keep your hands on deck. We don't want you playing with your pistol under the table.

Detective: Old jealousies never die.

Detective: [leaving an interrogation room] Bathroom break for me, not him.

Stephanie: I'm doing what I have to do to keep my family together.
Detective: I respect that. I'm just telling you, plain as I know how, this investigation is going to take its course. You're the only one caring for those kids. If you go to jail, what happens them?
Stephanie: Wait. I - I can't go to jail.
McGowan: OK, what kind of consideration are we talking about here?
Detective: The DA said they're not eager to send her to jail.
McGowan: So, immunity? Probation?
Detective: Something like that. If they like what they hear.

Detective: [about Lester Summerhill's photo gallery] Half-naked women and animal carnage. It suggests violence against women without actually showing it.

Detective: Too strange for the chess club? That must be some kind of record.

Detective: He would have arrived on the train from Montreal last Thursday or Friday with luggage, computer equipment, that sort of thing.
Redcap: Yeah, I seen this boy Friday afternoon. Helped him with his bags; black canvas bags. He would have been a good tipper, but he had this friend with him.
Detective: He was traveling with somebody?
Redcap: No, no, somebody met him.
Detective: Did you catch a name?
Redcap: Uh... Jake. Pretty sure it was Jake.
Detective: Thank you.
Redcap: [cut to the precinct; he looks through a book of mugshots] There he is.
Detective: [taking the picture out] Jacob Nathan; forgery, possession of stolen goods, larceny.
Redcap: And tight with his money, too.

Detective: I almost forgot, I once busted a stripper who did a thing with a glow stick, do they do that there?
Louis: Yeah, they do that.
Detective: [to Goren] I can't believe you touched that thing.

Detective: Sleep all day; work all night. Aren't you afraid you're missing out?
Duane: On what.

Detective: [admiring a murderer's modus operandi] So he killed her without touching her.
Detective: And they say all the good men are taken.

Detective: [referring to a bombing] Old-time pro who likes to keep on top of trends?
Al: Think Tony Bennett, not Steve and Eydie.

Harvey: [Talking about Marion Whitney] Oh, ma. I thought you'd like her.
Esther: Why? Are you getting married?

Detective: Yeah, he may be crazy, but you're evil.

[after viewing their dead suspect who is a fashion photographer]
Detective: As murders go, it's pretty flashy.

Detective: Hey, Don Juan, you're under arrest.

Detective: Reverend, your cup runneth over.

Dr. Royce Peterson: Maybe when he was smoking that legal weed in Amsterdam, he figured out eye doctors have a better chance of getting laid than oncologists.
Robert: I don't think he was in Amsterdam for the weed.

Detective: I learn something new every day.

Detective: I've been there; every man in this room has. You were sixteen again, in your new *sweet* car. You never felt better in your life! You *had* to have her.

Detective: [looking out the window] Full-on circus... paparazzi, news vans, panhandlers.
Detective: Page one, tomorrow's Post: 'Tsunami kills thousands' or 'Nyle Brite gets shot in the heart'? I wonder... which it will be?

Detective: You know that driver? He's all jammed up on a gambling thing. That's how they got to him. How did these people get to you? Your drugs? Your kid?
Greg: I should've shot you when I had the chance.
Detective: I've heard that.

Detective: [to the mother of a fugitive teenager] Once he's in the system, he's gone. Now you go home, and you think about that.

Harry: They won't find anything, I've searched this entire area, it's not here.
Detective: That sounds like a confession to me.

[last lines]
Detective G. Lynn Bishop: Lena got what she wanted. She stopped a killer, but at what cost?
Detective: Maybe that's what she couldn't live with.

Captain: Tell me you got a warrant for that.
Detective: Oh, why bother?

Luther: I didn't give you a name.
Detective: And we didn't push Bobby Boyd off that roof but... you know how rumors spread.

Alexandra: You're not thinking suicide.
Robert: You are?
Alexandra: The gun could have bounced when she fell. Suicide that looks like a murder?
Robert: Or a murder that looks like a suicide.

Detective: You killed Kira to save your legacy!
Lionel: What legacy? My last novel sold less than a thousand copies!

Detective: I thought a lot about last week.
Paula: Oh, you did?
Detective: About what I said, that everybody lies. It's childish. You're right. The truth is that there are people that I trust.
Paula: Anyone in particular come to mind?
Detective: Yeah, my partner. Yeah, she always has my back.
Paula: Tell me a little bit about her.
Detective: Well, she's a good cop. You know, she's more practical than I am. She's smart... You know, works hard, commands respect...
Paula: Okay, I know what she does. What's she like?
Detective: She grew up here. Her father was a cop, her husband.
Paula: Oh, she's married?
Detective: No. He died in the line of duty before we met.
Paula: And she never remarried? How long have you been together?
Detective: Um... You know, there have been... Breaks. Uh, I guess, like, 11 or 12 years...
Paula: How do you feel about her?
Detective: I told you, I respect her, I admire her. She puts up with my crap, you know? And as you're learning, that's not easy.
Paula: Do you love her?
Detective: What? I... She's... my partner! A profess... I mean, the last thing she would need is for me to hit on her...
Paula: No, I didn't ask you what she needs. She's a major relationship in your life. Do you have any romantic feelings for her?
Detective: No. She's like a sister to me.
Paula: Do you have a sister?
Detective: I have a brother. Now he's gone too.

Captain: ...An improvised high explosive.
Detective: So unless this woman is planning to bleach her hair and remove her nail polish while she's cleaning bricks...
Agent: She's building one hell of a bomb.

Detective: [on the phone] Sure, we'll be right over.

District: If only he had gone blank on that street corner.
Detective: [scratches head] Oh, but then they wouldn't get to be celebrity perps.

Detective: I see a pub quiz in our near future.

Mike: What the hell was that?
Captain: We may have just witnessed the first cyber-kidnapping.

Captain: [referring to a case of mistaken identity] They wacked the wrong lawyer. That beats all.

Detective: If you want to tell your husband we were here, by all means, we have no secrets from him. The more he knows, the better it is.

Zack: Hassan kills Danny Ross, goes free, and is set up as a despot. And that validates the death of our friend? I don't accept that.
Detective: Yeah, I-I think because he was our friend, it's why we need to do it.
Zack: Releasing a multiple murderer is not justice. Hassan might find the GPS devices and disarm then.
Detective: Hassan hired a technical expert to sweep and find them. But the expert was an FBI undercover. This is what needs to happen. Hassan needs to smuggle that shipment of weapons into Putland, right? He needs to barter for power to warlords, to terrorists.
Detective: They can be located and wiped out. Zack, making deals that are painful, doing things we hate, sometimes it's part of our job.
Detective: It's what our captain believed in. I don't think we should undercut that.
Zack: [to Eames] And you're buying this?
Detective: I'm listening.

Detective: Bad guys do what good guys dream.

Detective: You're her poodle-boy, Johnny. Does she let you eat off her plate?

Detective: [viewing a body in two suitcases going to the airport] Maybe this beats traveling economy.

Detective: The scum that did this - if I can't get him off the street, just give me the gold watch.

Detective: [watching Goren playing with the flesh on a corpse] Uck. You keep doing that, I'm gonna drop this kid right here.

Detective: Here's a little police magic. Shazam! You're under arrest.

Detective: [to Wheeler] Didn't take you for a biker chick.
Detective: In high school, I worked at a pizzeria across from a motorcycle garage. The mechanics would trade rides for slices.
Detective: Working in high school? So mom and dad decided to teach you the value of money?
Detective: More like Dad disappeared and Mom waited tables at a diner down the block.

Detective: He told you that people could die, and you saw it as a career opportunity.

Marla: [weeping] How can Eleanor love Henry and not love me?

Detective: These two could be this mutt. We had the witnesses look at mug books, but nobody jumped out at them.
James: The gray Caddie?
Detective: The kid remembered a couple of numbers from the license plate. APB's out.
James: What am I looking at?
Detective: Our John Doe; the stiff from the crime scene. It's homemade; could be a prison tattoo.
Detective: How could he get to prison without leaving his prints in the system?
James: How'd my luggage end up in Amarillo last Christmas? Where are we with matching MOs?
Detective: Doesn't fit any of the crackers in the database.
Detective: Then try a bigger database. Look, our boy is an extrovert. He's brazen, self-confident, charismatic. He imposes his girlfriend on the gang, and he's holding them together even after killing one of them. We should look at armored car heists, bank jobs, anything with public displays of firepower.
James: Okay, we wasted time chasing down this credit card. Let's make up for it. The jewelry store owner sent over surveillance tapes for the last month. Our perps could be on there casing the premises. Any volunteers?
[Goren raises his hand, but is disappointed when no one else does]

Detective: [watching Pike grieving on TV] Nothing like watching a crocodile shed tears.

Dr. Declan Gage: She tried to seduce me, Bobby!

Detective: [to Goren] The way she was making googly eyes at you I thought you were getting through to her.

Detective: [giving a 'Dirty Harry' style monologue to Valerie Kelmer's boyfriend Warren D'Alacosta] You wanna rethink that answer Mr D'Alacosta? We looked into your pedigree - a couple of DUIs, a couple of dope pops, delinquent on your child support. You drive too fast, drink too much, don't meet your obligations, don't give a damn about anybody. My partner has a fancy word for people like you - psychopath. I call them screw-ups. If you want to join the 2 million of your fellow psychopaths who are already in jail just keep lying to the police.

Detective: [to Goren] I didn't know you had an older, geekier brother.

Robert: [to the Monsignor] Did you know that Theresa showered twice after visiting you at the St. Regis? Twice. What do you think about that, monsignor? As evidence of a guilty mind or a tortured soul? She was disgusted by you. She scrubbed every place that you touched her.

Detective G. Lynn Bishop: If it's all right, I'd like to go with you.
Detective: [Eames is pregnant] Sure, you can carry me up the stairs.

Wally: If I look at someone when I talk to them for more than two-thirds of the time, I seem aggressive. But if I look at them for less than one-third of the time, I seem dishonest. I'm still practicing this.

Captain: What are we supposed to do, not investigate because it's against the gangsta's code?

Detective: You used her, John. She was weak and you used her. That really pisses me off.

Frankie: Everything has always been the same.
Detective: How do you mean?
Frankie: You can't lose another life than the one you're living now, or live another one than the one you're losing.The longest life is the same as the shortest.
Detective: What's he talking about?
Detective: The longest life is the same as the shortest.I know this.
Frankie: Some things are rushing into existence.Others out of it.
Detective: Did you read this, Frankie?
Frankie: Time is a river, a violent current of events, glimpsed...
Detective: Glimpsed once, already carried past us and is gone. Yeah.That's Marcus Aurelius.The dictates of a warrior.

Samir: In business, sometimes you win by surrendering.
Robert: Or lying.

1st: Rise and shine, Sharif.
Detective: He was using the Justin Crane credit card?
1st: Yeah, he was busted for buying Metro cards for his homeboys.
Detective: Where'd you get the card, Sharif?
Sharif: I told 'em, a white dude gave it to me.
Detective: When?
Sharif: On Saturday, outside the camera store down on 23rd.
Detective: What did he look like?
Sharif: Red like an apple; red hair, red lip brush.
Detective: And he just gave it to you?
Sharif: Yeah. I didn't know it was stolen. He just said, "Hey, help yourself."
1st: And then what? He got in his sleigh and rode off with his reindeer?
Sharif: No, just his big, gray Caddie.
Detective: [to Goren] Ho, ho, ho.

Detective: [talking to Dr. Paula Gyson] A man of my age... single a long time... with all of my problems...

Nyle: I don't shower escorts with gifts. I don't serenade them with sonnets. It kind of defeats the purpose.

Detective: In this neighborhood, the Neighborhood Watch watches the cops.

Hilary: [about Nicole Wallace and Bernard Fremont] She's his creation. He thinks she's perfect, poor Bernard.
Detective: Poor Bernard.

Curtis: It's called grass-roots boosterism - giving the community a team they can be proud of.
Detective: Well, I call it a long-term investment. You recruit the players. You touch their young lives with your "generosity." And then you leave a stain that they carry through their college or professional careers. A taint that you can threaten them with any time you need to shave some points.

Detective: So just in case I need an interpreter, how many languages do you speak?
Detective: Umm, well, Spanish, Yiddish, Italian, Polish, Creole. Some Russian. Some Cantonese, from working in Chinatown. You?
Detective: I can say 'stop, police' and 'what's your sign?' in fifteen different languages.

Detective: [looking at victim's keepsake photo, then sighing] Grace kept this on her pillow, like it was a dream - some place to get away from all this.
Detective: I heard you got away for a few years. You feeling some kind of kindred spirit?
Detective: Nah, I try to avoid transferrential relationships with dead people - it's always so one-sided.

Detective: He left you in the lurch, Gia. He left you to take the rap for four murders. That's a needle in your arm. You're letting him run?
Detective: You didn't run, did you, when he was in... prison up in Montreal, in prison with Michael Carson?
Uniform: [entering] Your autopsies just came in.
Detective: Thanks.
[laying out pictures]
Detective: Sophie Kersten. The daughter of the people who lived in the apartment; 19 years old. Uh, your boyfriend put a bullet in her brain. This is her boyfriend. We think he was shot while trying to protect her. That's what boyfriends are supposed to do. Michael Carson. The medical examiner found evidence of frequent anal sex. This is Atwood's preferred sexual act... isn't it? It's his way of dominating his partner.

Detective: [referring to Bernard Fremont] What is it that women see in him?
Detective: The door to another world.

[last lines]
Detective: Faith trumps science, once again.
Detective: Nothing that a little calamine lotion can't fix.

Charlie: [sees a race car wreck on TV; squeals] Woo-hoo! Look at that!
Detective: You like car races?
Charlie: Oh yeah! I got a *need* for *speed*! I'm, not that I break the law any more officer. I got plenty enough tickets to last me a life-time, but no DUI's. I don't drink. I got an allergy.
Detective: Your job. Your always climbing around in those vents, that's dangerous, huh?
Charlie: It's fun!
Detective: [to Eames] Dangerous and fun.
Detective: [deadpan] Woo-hoo.

Detective: Goren, it's for you.
Detective: [seeing a large, solidly-built man with body tattoos] Friend of yours?
Detective: I sure hope so.

Jake: It's Atwood. It's Karl Atwood. The other guy I only know as Ziv. But he's the main guy, Atwood. He's got the goods.
Detective: Where can we find him?
Jake: I-I don't know. It's... he lives in the Upper East Side with his girlfriend. Her name is Gia, something Italian. I got a cell phone number on him.
Detective: [passing a pad over] The number.
Detective: Atwood and the girl, they've been together long?
Jake: Yeah, I think so. They got some act, those two.

Detective: Carl Jung believed that... rage is the... um... female side of our nature. Anima - an aggregate of all the women in our lives. Gives us strength. Makes us strong.

Detective: [to Goren, lingering behind wheel of 1962 Ferrari] You have to come out now.

Detective: [about bad blood products] Doctor tell me something. When you decide to dump this stuff, what do you do? Flip a coin: heads Asia, tails Africa?

Detective: It's my experience, people who hate their jobs, hate themselves even more.

Dr. Scott Borman: I'm no pig. Women crave me.

Johnny: [as they step out of a restaurant "for a smoke"] Come on. We're cutting out on the bill.
Margie: You can't be serious.
Johnny: As serious as cancer.

Detective: [to the opera wardrobe manager] People told us you had a bug problem with your costumes. Like, really *big* bugs? Thirty pounds' worth?

Robert: You didn't want DeWitt reviewing Marc that night, so you cut the rig, staged an accident.
Amanda: No, I didn't.
Robert: You've been under a lot of pressure. A year of living and breathing Icarus, pouring your heart and soul into the production. Maybe you didn't want to turn out to be another Julie Taymor... get fired for artistic differences.
Amanda: I would never hurt an actor... Never. They're like my children.
Robert: Your naughty children, who don't listen, who don't take direction, who think they know better than you.
Amanda: [angry] That's true. Marc never listened. He didn't trust me. For a production like this to work, there must be absolute trust!

Detective: We were about to sign off on your self-defense story, Earl, until your wife told us that, well, that you knocked the gun out of Bennie's hand.
[to Isobel]
Detective: That was an unnecessary, damning embellishment. Why'd you do that?
Detective: I think she didn't want Earl skating by on a self-defense rap.
Detective: When did you find out, Isobel? Last May? When Earl and Bennie were working on that coin shop heist? You saw them together, overheard them talking. Thinks fell into place who killed Dan... your Dan.
Isobel: I wanna go home.

Lisa: Sometimes people act like I don't exist.

Ethan: I was sent by God.
Detective: So were we.

Amy: An earring whore.

Detective: A millionaire's death is never simple.

Harry: [referring to his late wife] Adele, she was scary.

Terry: ...Don't suffer future pain, take care of business here and now

Robert: You lied to me last week. I mean, it's okay. Everybody does.
Paula: When did I do it?
Robert: Well, you said that these sessions are so that I can get to know about my own mind, but that's not what this is really about.
Paula: Because NYPD sent you here?
Robert: No, because NYPD is paying you to assess my stability, my temperament, right?
Paula: So what you're saying is that I can't really be helping you and evaluating you for that? When you malfunction, I'm trying to find out what happens and when. Yes, I'm evaluating you, but I'm also trying to help you. Right now, I think the job is vital to you. The job gives you structure, sense of purpose. But you're convinced that it's the only thing that defines you. You think, without the puzzle, you don't matter. It's a lie, but it's the only one you've chosen to believe. Consider this. If everyone lies, by definition, that has to include you. And if that's true, there's no way you can trust your own judgment. Not when you put the job before the man. There's so much more to you than that.
Robert: Are you gonna take my job away?
Paula: I'm gonna tell them that you are more than capable of holding down your job and... that you have anger and trust issues that would benefit from further treatment.
Robert: Yeah, well, I've been to anger management. It only managed to make me angrier.
Paula: But you need to learn how to curb your anger to keep your job. And it's gonna be hard, but you're smart. Smart enough to learn how to game yourself. And... I could recommend a couple of therapists.
Robert: What? Recommend? What, you're passing the buck?
Paula: No, I didn't mean it like that.
Robert: No, no, no, no. Look. I'm not starting with somebody new. No. No. You've gotten to know me. You know what you're getting into.
Paula: [giving him a business card] You'll be fine. You're gonna be fine.
[leading Goren to the door]
Paula: Oh, I'd thought about the riddle, the doors, the guards.
Robert: One guards heaven, the other, hell. You have one question to ask. What will it be?
Paula: What will the other guard say if you ask him if his is the door to heaven?
Robert: Very good.
[returning the card she gave him]
Robert: Same time next week?
Paula: Okay.

Detective: Wait, you can't leave now that the cat's out of the bag!

Detective: I remember you... You used to be Lois Cabrera.
Officer: I shoulda stayed that way.

Captain: His father had allergies, so you think Ernest Foley may be good for a double family murder 18 years apart?
Detective: Yeah, that's one-one one theory - has anybody ever told you you're reductive?
Captain: My ex-wife.

Detective: Your little brother? The guys at Rikers are going to be very happy to see him.

Detective: They stole everything but the light bulbs.

Detective: I hope this isn't his wish list.
[sorts through sketches of women]
Detective: He's got 3 blondes with long hair, 2 with short hair, 4 brunettes, and 3 gray haired ladies.

Detective: You - you know, I - I find paranoid schizophrenics make excellent witnesses.

Det. Mike Logan: You don't look like Harry Campbell.
Holly: Are you friends with the landlord?
Det. Mike Logan: I hate him.
Holly: Then I'm Holly.

Detective: The twisted tango of brotherly love.

Detective: It's the classic misdirect, right?

Detective: [to Captain Danny Ross] Just get me back.

Detective: She got her hands on this, why she didn't run?
Detective: It wasn't about that, it was about him.
Detective: Men come and go, but diamonds...
Detective: Diamonds don't keep you warm at night.

Detective: [about the murder of a soon-to-be-divorced man] I guess the custody issue's been worked out.

Grace: That family runs on denial.

ADA: [about a suspect's juvenile records] I can't help you unseal them. All you have is peas and corn kernels; you're a few lima beans short of succotash, detectives.

Barry: [referring to his wife's infidelity] There's another clown in the tent.

A.D.A. Ron Carver: [referring to a frightened murder suspect] So - he may be human after all.
Detective: Optimist.

Margaret: Don't try to play me, detective. You've got a lawyer's son, a businessman's daughter, and my son. It probably took you all of three seconds to figure out who to put the pressure on.
Mike: Not even two, Mrs. Wilcox.

George: [about the sex-club scene] It was harmless fun.

Ethan: [to Goren and Eames] Nine-eleven was a terrible lesson that no one learned.

Robert: You see what your family did? Without telling each other, they protected you.

Detective: Boobytrap?
Detective: Kidnap a banker, kill a cop...
Detective: Did you just save our lives?
Detective: You can buy breakfast.

[Last lines]
Detective: [to Detective Barek] If you ever wondered why I don't have kids... now you know.

A.D.A. Ron Carver: [Scolding Det. Goren for withholding information] Detective... If you try and run one by me like that again, I'll have your badge.

Detective: Recognize this woman, Tamara Bates? She's a counter.
Detective: No, but they go through a lot of girls.
Detective: [looking at the two female counters who were shot in the head] Yeah, and we know how.

Meredith: I guess strangers with badges aren't exactly strangers.

Detective: [to DA Carver] Don't you have the grand jury eating out of your hand? I bet you could indict that clock.

Detective: What's the matter, your lawsuit wasn't going well for you, huh?
Detective G. Lynn Bishop: So you had to hurt your family.
Abe: No I didn't.
Detective: Is that what this is?
Abe: No, I told you...
Detective: Lashed out at Jack...
Abe: Jack paid me!
Detective: Lashed out at your wife...
Abe: He didn't want me to tell anyone. And my wife, that's all settled. Her lawyer just hasn't filed the papers yet. I'm telling you the truth! Call my wife!
Detective: [to Bishop] Uh, Croydon. Croydon. McVee is another Croydon.
Detective G. Lynn Bishop: Who's Croydon?

Professor: This story of yours is - it's Kafkaesque.
Detective: That would make you the bug, Larry. You know what I like to do to bugs? I like to watch my partner squash them.

Jack: Are we done here?
Robert: Uh, No. What is Tuxedo Hill? Our friends at the SEC couldn't tell us anything about it.
Jack: The Tuxedo Hill Group is a special purpose partnership capitalised by third party equity to hedge certain Mattowan assets.
Alexandra: We have no idea what you just said.

Detective: [Talking about three-somes with Scott, Roger, and dates] Scott told us that your girlfriends had the time of their life with him.
Dr. Roger Stern: What are you talking about? They were debased, humiliated. I turned them into the corn cob in the pig sty, with that rutting hog on top of them. They'd look at me... wanting me to call him off!

Beth: [to Goren] You seem like a man who's dedicated to his work. Too much, maybe.
Detective: Like you were to Amberleigh.

Alexandra: That's a cute cat.
Natalie: Oh, name's Pyewacket.
Robert: [smiling] Pyewacket? That's from a... Jimmy Stewart film. Yeah, the cat, it was Kim Novak's best friend. It's a funny movie. I think the cat was a wizard. Not very catholic.
Natalie: It's a cat.

Bela: Ajay, we don't have anything to hide... do we?

Captain: I know you're worried about your nephew's safety and mental health. I'm worried about yours.
Detective: I'm fine. How are you?

Detective: [waving one hand tauntingly in TJ Hawkins's face] Sorry about the flies, they're all over the place.

Detective: "Pig's system is death. Murder must answer murder. We have started the revolution last night." It's not very good English.
Agent: It's not supposed to be an SAT exam.
Detective: It could be a native Spanish speaker or a German. Some language where the present perfect is the same as the simple past.
Detective: You're starting to remind me of someone.
Captain: This one's taller.

Danny: [to Eames] What I said.
Alexandra: [to Goren] I'm supposed to keep an eye on you.
Robert: Let me know if I can help.

Detective: This is what happened, the rest of your pretty daughter got turned into pudding and washed down the sewer system.

Detective: [checking surfaces for cocaine] Try the chair.
Detective: You think she snorted it off the chair?
Detective: We're thinking she didn't snort it.
Detective: ...Oh.

Detective: You know you should get yourself a cell phone so people wouldn't think you're talking to yourself.
Detective: Too many years working alone.

Detective: I mean, don't ask me to buy into an idea that Goren...
Zack: We. You, me, we follow up on Goren because it's our job.
[Under his breath]
Zack: And because we don't want them putting anybody else on it.
Serena: Is this private, or can anyone participate?
Detective: Oh, join in. It's Betray Your Partner Day.
Zack: That's not what I'm saying. Let Goren know that.
[to Stevens]
Zack: See, it is fun here.

Detective: [about a "person of interest" in an investigation] He's just letting it all slide - even the things that matter to him. He's sinking into depression.
Detective: [holding up a will] Here's one thing he hasn't let slide.

Detective: [discussing a murder victim] Alimony orders: Feldman was pulling down $700,000 a year, and the judge awarded Mrs. Feldman $1,000 a month. Out of five million in community assets, Mrs. Feldman gets $300,000.
Detective: Who *is* this judge, the Honorable O.J.?

Detective: [to a panhandler] Excuse me, sir. I have twenty dollars. I could use a brick like that.

Detective: Sweet... isn't it? Revenge.

Leonard: We're waiting, where is he?
[On the phone with subordinate]
Leonard: Oh. There you are. Hubert will answer all your questions.
Hubert: These files cover Edie's last two months of work. Performance review, loans in progress. And these are Carmine's.
Detective: Edie's performance, how was it? Her family said that she worked long hours.
Hubert: She got the work done, but she kept missing deadlines.
Detective: Any way Carmine could've submarined her?
Hubert: No, I would've caught on.
Detective: Mr. Skoller, maybe you can explain this.There are eight revisions of this loan analysis that Edie prepared. Except, each draft doesn't seem all that different from the previous. There's new punctuation marks, the graph's a little bigger Were these changes your idea?
Hubert: No. Mr. Timmons reviewed these.
Detective: A lot of busywork for nothing.
Hubert: That would be contrary to the company policy outlined in our human resource document that every employee has to review and sign once a year. If we find any other files, I'll make sure you get them right away.
Detective: Each report that Edie wrote was revised over and over again. She was called out for minor mistakes and dragged in to work weekends. Somebody had it in for her. Well, it's a hostile work environment. Maybe that's the reason for Skoller's legal-speak. The company being sued for Edie's suicide.

Zach: Taliesin was getting creamed. He normally averages 96 frags per game. That night he barely managed 23. Whoa! Look at those gibs fly!

Captain: We know you've been under considerable stress. Your mother. Your brother. Your father...
Detective: [furious] Your girlfriend tell you that?

Mike: Are you sure it was Friday night, not Saturday night?
Seamus: I know the difference between Friday and Saturday nights. Saturday's all bridge-and-tunnel. They wear jackets like that leather thing of yours.
Mike: Do yourself a favor, Flaherty, and don't tell Twitch we're looking for him.
Seamus: You have my word.
Mike: That somehow doesn't comfort me.
[to Wheeler]
Mike: What do you think about this jacket?
[Wheeler smirks]

Detective: Oh, listen to Coach. He's just moldin' that clay. Moldin' it until he gets what he wants out of it.

Agent: My God, you're clever. But inconvenient, Goren.
Detective: Well, you know, multiple murders. And one of them being my captain, inspired me.
Agent: It's worth enough to hold you in federal detention.
Detective: Well, if you can figure out what to charge me with, go ahead.
Agent: You were once committed to an insane asylum.
Detective: Yeah. This insane thing. It follows me around, you know?
Agent: You came in at gunpoint with a hood over your head. You have any idea it was us?
Detective: No, not really.
Agent: That alone qualifies you for certification
Detective: There's no way that you can imagine me being useful to you?
Agent: That would be asking for a very high margin of trust.
Detective: Not if what you're doing is for the greater good.
Ron: Like you'd know what that is.
Detective: Don't question my patriotism, OKI? I resent that. I mean, drug me, lock me up, do whatever you want to do. But, uh, don't tell me how I feel about my country.
Agent: Whatever happens, you're gonna have problems from your own kind. And even if you help us, when those eggs hit the police fan, there's nothing we can do for you.
Detective: Well, Ross believed in what you were doing, and I have a lot of respect for that man, so...

Dempsey: You're a devil.
Detective: You should see me in a blue dress.
Dempsey: Yeah, well I ain't afraid of the devil.

Detective: Should we hold on to him, let him sweat?
Captain: The beauty of a material witness.

Detective: I don't need anyone telling me how to...
[Logan starts laughing]
Detective: What?
Mike: I'm just not used to being the voice of reason.

Jake: Death penalty? What the hell for?
Ron: Do I need to explain the felony murder statute to your client?
Jake: I didn't kill anybody!
Detective: The Kersten girl and her boyfriend, Michael Carson, Jimmy Randazzo.
Jake: That wasn't me, and who the hell is Jimmy Randazzo?
Ron: Funny thing, the law. Right hand commits the murder, let hand pays for it.
Liston: Uh, how can my client help himself here?
Ron: Names and addresses, I take the death penalty off the table.
Liston: Life without parole? Well, that's pretty steep. He-he's got no record of violence.
Ron: He does now. And the offer's not gonna hold. We found him, we'll find the others with or without his help. Life, death... you choose.

Dr. Declan Gage: [about Goren] Genius can be very difficult to work with.

Lewis: Detective Alex!
Detective: Down, boy.

Detective: [while observing a suspect in the interrogation room] She rages on, inspite of all the evidence against her.
Detective: She could confess, but where's the fun in that?

Victoria: [to her son] All of your life you have been nothing but a burden. You and your sister - millstones around my neck!

Victoria: [to her son] We are not going to live in this dump forever.

Joseph: When a witness seems too good to be true, he usually is.

Colin: [after having been interviewed by the detectives] I don't like where this is going.
Riordan: What, that scared you, bro? Oh come on, homeboy. I thought you were the real deal.
Colin: [sighs nervously]
Riordan: I'm starting to think you're about as street as Jessica Simpson.
Colin: Oh yeah, what does that make you?
Riordan: I'm true to the game, bro.
Colin: Easy to say if your dad used to work for the justice department.
Colin: Be easy Jack. I got ya back.
Colin: [sarcastically] Yeah.
Riordan: [unfazed, after his driver gets into the car] Come on Harold, let's roll.

Detective G. Lynn Bishop: He killed her over a toy boat?
Detective: You know men, they get very attached to toys.

Detective: My dad's a cop, when I have a problem he's still the first one I talk to.

Webb's: [about Goren] Mr. Carver, if you don't shut him up...

Detective: [to Detective Nichols] You're starting to remind me of someone.

Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: [while making an impression of bite marks on his back, complimenting opera conductor Philip Reinhardt on his production of Aida, in a touching homage to recently deceased Jerry Orbach] One of the best nights of my life. Lennie Briscoe took me.

Detective: The fancier the building, the bigger the vermin in the walls.

Detective: Life is full of uncertainty. People need to have options. Abortion has got to be one of those options.

Detective: [to prison doctor] If I take those pills, you'll put batteries in me.

Detective: Peas.

Kevin: You're way too hot to be a cop.
Detective: You're way too smart to think I'm gonna fall for that.

Detective: [talking about the neighbourhood she grew up] This place used to be called Mr. k's. Cherry popsicles were a quarter. And Danny Quinlan dumped me right there in front of Moran's.
Detective: Not for being ordinary.
Detective: For kissing Nick Farrell at recess.
Detective: [smiling] Ooh, lucky Nicky!

Dr. Declan Gage: [to Goren] It's tough staying engaged when you're two steps ahead of everyone else in the room.

Detective: I have a theory about petite women, you want to hear it?
Henry: Not particularly.

Detective: [describing a suspect] A good aim, low morals, and... expensive tastes.

Detective: No, no, no! I know that anger! I should have seen it coming.

Detective: Oh, look, look! Bing! Reality!

Jojo: Don't act as if you're going to live 10,000 years. Death hangs over you. While you live, while it's in your power, be good.

Zack: [Referring Eames to Stevens] She's new.
Detective: Oh, it's fun here.

Cutler's: [referring to Griscom] He's invoking his right to be silent.
Detective: Well, he doesn't have the right to be deaf, so he'll have to listen to what we have to say.

Robert: It's a beautiful day today.
Paula: Yes, finally we get a spring.
Robert: You don't suppose we could take this session outside, do you? I guess you've heard that one before.
Paula: We have more privacy in here. Or is that why you wanna be outside?
Robert: Do you always do that? You think that everything is about something else? Or us?

Detective: You don't look so plump and happy now, George.

[Goren and Logan, dressed in similar dark suits, leave to interview a witness; Eames and Barak watch them go]
Detective: There they go. Ocean's Two.

Detective: No wonder he was angry. She stole his robot.

Detective: The "Grace Note" Suicide Diet!

Detective: [picking up a glass of wine] May I?
[tasting the wine]
Detective: A Brunello di Montalcino?
Hutton: And?
Detective: It's nice. It's a bit thin for my taste. I'm more like a Barbaresco kind of guy. You know, a little more umph.
Hutton: Well, let's just say you don't have a cop's palate.

Detective: [seeing that Goren has covered two boards with random letters] I totally forgot I need an eye exam.

Detective: [Multiple times throughout episode] Naughty cyberpals. Very naughty cyberpals.

Detective: Oh, the Patriot Act. Yeah, well, I read that in its original title, "1984".

Detective: [to Eames] Let's lie.

Kenneth: It wasn't an accident, is that what you're inferring?
Detective: You mean implying. The listener infers.
Alexandra: And detectives speculate, since we don't know the cause of death yet.

Detective: Beauty, brains, and a complete psycho. My dream girl.

Detective: Will a show-and-tell help?

James: Where are we?
Detective: We struck out on his last known. He hasn't lived there for at least two years.
Detective: [on the phone] We will, ma'am, thank you.
[hanging up]
Detective: His ex is looking for him, too. Owes her a brick in child support.
Detective: This bail app from six years ago; his mother put up the bond. There's an address on her.
Detective: Let me see that.
Detective: You have her Social there?
James: The feebs have been notified. They're taking care of Interpol notification. Give me a status in an hour.
Detective: Mother Nathan, deceased seven months ago.
James: Poor guy's an orphan.
Detective: Somebody forgot to tell Con Ed. The power bill's paid up and current.

[Last lines]
Dean: I'm glad some people still know the meaning of respect.

Detective: He was Nicole's boyfriend. He taught her how to kill... He's the "School of Murder".

Adam: Amanda blamed everyone and everything, okay? She even had a problem with the songs.
Robert: You disagreed?
Adam: Well, being as I wrote them, yeah. You familiar with my work, detective?
Robert: [hesitating] Oh, uh...
Alexandra: [interrupting Goren] He's more of a jazz guy.

Detective: Where were you all this time?
Ronald: I'm fifty years old. I fell asleep.

Joseph: So somebody killed him, switched his body with a cadaver? That's pretty elaborate.
Robert: Killer dressed the body in Langston's clothes. He propped him up in the park, make it look like a prank, buy time while Langston's body was being cremated.
Joseph: Congratulations, it's a homicide!
Alexandra: With no crime scene, no cause of death, no motive, and our victim was last seen at an event with 100 suspects.
Joseph: You'll earn your paycheck this week.

Detective: What did you do to him, Doris?
Doris: I played bad nurse with him. Tied him to Grandma's smelly bed, put on my ma's nurse cap and beat the crap out of him. But like ma said, he could take it. Hey listen, I gotta get back to work, you see Spence around you tell him hi for me.
Detective: [unenthusiastically] We will.

Detective: Picket-fence play, that's - that's a classic of teamwork.
Coach: They all play the one-on-one game now.

Trevor: Egg cup!

Detective: [as he tackles a fleeing but fat suspect] What's the rush, you got a date with a doughnut?

Captain: Great, the Goren Show's back in town.

Robert: So the Monsignor forced Theresa to have sex "quid pro quo" for giving her five days to return the money?
Alexandra: She's so remorseful, she kills herself.
Robert: Five days to return the money, she goes home and kills herself. You know, look at this. "What I have now done was the only path left for me."
Alexandra: So formal.
Robert: Yeah.
Joseph: [arriving at the room] Here all night?
Alexandra: You bring bagels?
Robert: See, men, women, they leave different markers when they write suicide notes. Women seem to rely more heavily on expression of feelings, like, um, thanking someone. You know, polite speech. Apologizing.
Alexandra: She was close to her parents, and they're not even mentioned.
Robert: Yes. "I acted out of greed and poor character." See, now that's a direct admission, but there's no reference to God or the Bible, or any misgivings for breaking the eighth commandment.
Joseph: The $2.7 million question is... Why was it erased?
Robert: Yeah, I don't know. But I do know that she didn't write it.

Detective: 'I love my husband so much I killed my lover'. Sounds like a great country song, too bad Curtis is too dead to record it.

Detective: Someone is passing off human plasma as synthetic.

Captain: Please don't tell me that someone shot three innocent kids just for the hell of it.

Mark: [about his mother] Why would I want to kill her? I mean, why would I want to do that to myself?

Nicole: [as Goren holds her hand to administer an anthrax test] Is it everything you imagined?
Detective: Don't flatter yourself.

Detective: We've got the smoking gun.
Detective G. Lynn Bishop: The smoking *caulking* gun with cake frosting.

ADA: Nina? Nina? Oh my God. Baby, can you hear me? What have they done to you?
Detective: They got her stabilized, Mr. Perez.
ADA: Listen, I know who did this. I know who leaked her cover. It was cops to get back at me. This is the same thing as murder. The same thing as murder!
Detective: I don't know about all that, but I can tell you who tried to kill her. The Russians.
Robert: If the Russians wanted her dead, she'd be dead.

Ava: [giving alibi for herself and her ex-boyfriend] I was with Ralph gettin' tats.
[Ava pulls up her blouse, revealing the name RALPH tattooed in enormous Gothic letters across her midriff]
Ava: Now I gotta get *this* removed.

Wayne: Why all these questions?
Alexandra: We think somebody with inside knowledge was involved.
Wayne: Who? Douglas? April? I love my niece, but she couldn't pull off a surprise party, let alone a kidnapping. I'm a better suspect than she is.
Detective: Well... we thought of you.
Wayne: Just because we're atheists doesn't mean we don't know right from wrong.
Detective: Oh.
Wayne: And we also know harassment when we see it.

District: An arrest warrant for Judge Harold Garrett... Hot-tub Harry.
ADA: The circumstantial evidence and the statement from his son.
District: Ah, This won't do...
[Tears the arrest warrant]
District: At all.
ADA: Arthur?
District: Arresting a judge for murder on an election year... is not peanuts. If the District Attorney is going to arrest a sitting judge of the Supreme Court of New York.
[Signs the new arrest warrant]
District: The signature of the District Attorney damn well better be on that warrant. Arthur Branch, Esquire.
[Handles the arrest warrant to ADA Carver]
District: That would be worth two points on Election Day. It's not enough to do good... You gotta be seeing doing good.

Detective: Bad news comes in all packages.

Detective: You just sidestepped our question.
Dr. Katrina Pynchon: [smiles] I thought it was more polite than saying, "It's none of your business."

Detective: [referring to the murder victim] He embraced good causes.
Detective: He also embraced any woman who got close enough for a smell test.

Robert: You don't have to do that.
Paula: How do you mean?
Robert: Empathize with me.
Paula: Is that what you think I'm doing?
Robert: Yeah, "I'm sure you had reason not to come." You know, "your job is too tough... to get away from." You're trying to gain my trust.
Paula: I don't think that would be that easy to do.
Robert: Is that what it says in my file?
Paula: [looking at a big pile of papers] That? That's only part of your file.
Robert: Did you accept to do this before or after you read it?
Paula: After.
Robert: And after the more experienced psychiatrists begged off?
Paula: I didn't have to fight to get you. And it wasn't only the files. Seven employer-mandated sessions with someone... as challenging as you...
Robert: You were gonna say "crazy," weren't you?
Paula: Why do you think that?
Robert: Do you think I'm crazy?
Paula: I think you are a person who is aware that the world is a dangerous place. You found a way of surviving, but your way can make other people feel uncomfortable.
Robert: "Challenging" and, you know, "uncomfortable." You're walking on egg shells with me, aren't you?
Paula: Isn't that how you like it? Hmm? It's part of your skill set, like being able to read people quickly.
Robert: It's my job.
Paula: Sure. It's protected you. But it's also taken its toll on those around you and on yourself. You are exceptional at analyzing others. Exceptional. So what is it that you think will happen if you start looking at yourself?

Detective: [Goren and Eames looking through the filthy, cluttered apartment of murdered cop, Billy 'Buzz' Davis] How come all divorced cops have the same decorator?

Detective: Hey, I showed Randazzo's diamonds to our jeweler. They were grade F; slightly flawed, great color; the worst rocks of the bunch. You were right; the Masucci angle's a lot of smoke. This guy... bad enough he shoots two witnesses. Now he throws a body in a trunk just to throw us off his trail.
Detective: Put yourself in his place. He is trying to lock in a hundred-million dollar payday.
Detective: Don't equivocate; he's a bad guy.

Tina: Mommy and daddy aren't answering.
Paula: Oh, well, they probably just have the TV turned up, sweetheart. Okay?
Len: Friday night, Susu and Ellis in a kid-free house. What could distract them?

Detective: You're a stickler for behavioural theory. Listen to this:
[Reading out loud]
Detective: These individuals can have a grandiose view of themselves and demand excessive admiration. They manoeuvre well in difficult situations, their self-esteem is fragile. Any threat to their self-image, might agitate or even enrage them.
Detective: That's right out of a psych text book. You have Narcissistic Disorder, that's psycho-pathology that fits our Patricia to a t.
Detective: Or a sign of the Zodiac. She's a Scorpio.
Detective: Yeah. Well, you know my father would kill me for saying this, but uh. Equally valid.

Danielle: [Detective Megan Wheeler and Danielle McCaskin walk into the jail. The inmates whistle and catcall] No way can Keith spend one minute in here.
Detective: Oh, we're holding Keith at the station house now, but as soon as he gets arraigned, he's gonna end up here.
Danielle: No, he won't! He's legally a juvenile!
Detective: Not after a few nights here he's not.

Detective: [the Chief wants Goren on a dangerous undercover job] Yeah, he's hoping I'll get myself killed.
Captain: The thought occurred to me.

Axel: I'm just an agent of change.

Paula: How long have you been together?
Detective: Um... You know, there have been... Breaks. Uh, I guess, like, 11 or 12 years?
Paula: How do you feel about her?
Detective: I told you, I respect her, I admire her. She puts up with my crap, you know? And as you're learning, that's not easy.
Paula: Do you love her?
Detective: What? I... She's... my partner! A profess... I mean, the last thing she would need is for me to hit on her...
Paula: No, I didn't ask you what she needs. She's a major relationship in your life. Do you have any romantic feelings for her?
Detective: [emphatically] No. She's like a sister to me.

Detective: He stole her voice and her life.

Detective: You want fun? Date a cop.

Robert: You know, she's obsessed with being a good girl. Following protocol. This act of violence was completely out of character.
Danny: Or she's delusional. At the very least, she's an intensely competitive type-A personality under enormous pressure.
Robert: Yeah, so am I, so are you.

Mike: What are you gettin' for setting me up? Are you getting your shield back, hum? Is that your thirty pieces of silver, Bobby?

Detective: Do you have a lot of students in their sixties? Fifties? Forties?
Lawrence: No.
Detective: I'm guessing twenty-five is the cutoff for actresses. Twenty-six if they're pretty.
Lawrence: You have no idea.

Detective: [Eames asks what he thinks about abortion] I'll tell you what I think when I get pregnant.

Detective: From locks to lock and load.

Detective: You must love dancing. You're just so - so light on your feet.
Marion: I'm a student of the dance.
[Marion exits the room]
Detective: Dance of the Merry Widow.

[last lines]
Detective: So that's what vengence gets ya - a mouthful of ashes.

Rick: We got a problem, Jay.
Jay: Sorry, I don't know you. Okay? That's the way it's going to stay.
Rick: Jay, we have to dig it up.

Judge: It's the 4th Amendment, Detective, not the 3 2/3 Amendment.

Detective: You put this in the mail.
Trudy: No!
Detective: We have you on film.
Detective: It smells like almonds. I bet you know what else smells like almonds?
Detective: You're under arrest.
Trudy: No! No! Oh no!
Detective: I don't want to hurt you.

Nicole: Adopting Asian children is all the rage, Bobby, they're practically fashion accessories.

Detective: Looks like somebody stabbed him and stole his wallet.

Detective: [looking at a movie poster] "Venefica"... Ancient Roman sorceresses - they killed men by the act of love.

Detective: When I was a kid, I used to dream about living on a horse farm.
Detective: That's a nice dream - for a horse.

Detective: We are - discreet - with innocent victims... if they behave like innocent victims.

Mr. De Santis: It's not one of mine.
Detective: The question was did you make it?
Mr. De Santis: Your partner is deaf?
Detective: Maybe you are. She asked you a yes or no question.
Mr. De Santis: Well, then, the answer is no.
Detective: Mr. De Santis, our crime lab can match the unique marks on this piece to the characteristics on the tools that you used to make it. Of course, we'd have to confiscate all your equipment. Might take months to get it back.
Detective: [De Santis sighs] We'll take that as a yes. Who ordered it?
Mr. De Santis: Some guy. I mean, if I never saw him again, it would be too soon.
Detective: His name?
Mr. De Santis: I don't know. Uh... Serbian. Croatian. A bald guy. Is there anything else?
Detective: Yes. You're closing early today.

A.D.A. Ron Carver: Sacrifice one son... to gain control of the other.

Thomas M. Grady Jr.: Is this how I raised you? Huh? I gave you everything I never had. And this is what you do with it? You're no better than your grandfather.
Riordan: You mean your dad, Dad? You turned your back on him. I didn't. He's still my flesh and blood.
Thomas M. Grady Jr.: Well, maybe you ought to ask him for the name of a good legal aid lawyer.
Riordan: Come on, Dad. Come on. Be real now.
Thomas M. Grady Jr.: Detectives, read my son his rights.

[Det. Logan wants in on a case]
Captain: As you said, we're Major Case. Let me discuss it with my detectives.
Detective: No problem. Maybe I'll have some of your Major coffee.

Detective: I think his rage was greater than his desire.

Detective: How long were you dating Sara?
Nathan: Two weeks.
Detective: And you were already texting about "the murder of innocent souls"?
Nathan: She was brilliant. She could quote Byron and Shelley...
Detective: Did you ever give her any gifts, money?
Nathan: I paid her rent this month.
Detective: That's love.

Detective: [bitterly, to the newly reinstated Detective Goren] I get it. You're the genius; I just carry your water. Right?

Detective: Nice to see a face to the voice...!
Didier: You've got the wrong man.
Detective: I don't think so.

[Last lines]
A.D.A. Ron Carver: He showed her the door to another world, and she repaid the favor.

Bing: What good is having a friend at the FDA if the friend is an idiot?

Leonard: Seven-day work weeks are standard. Loans to companies in trouble are deadline driven, and we have a young staff with plenty of energy, and the more they burn, the more they earn.
Detective: Or burn out, Mr. Timmons, like Edie Elverson?
Leonard: This isn't work for the faint-hearted. Character weaknesses bubble up to the surface pretty fast.
Detective: Carmine Ruggiero, was that one of Edie's weaknesses?
Leonard: I never heard that. Excuse me.

Captain: [referring to a cop being taken away] So much for passing out brains with those gold shields.

Detective: It's brilliant!

Detective: [referring to a blackmail case] Gay sex?
Dave: No, call-girl. Think Spitzer, not McGreevey.

Dr. Charles Webb: [about Goren, who is staring intently at him] Could somebody please tell him to stop looking at me? It's intollerable.

Terry: [about Goren] There's nothing innocent about that baby face.

Detective: [Goren puts a small object in an evidence bag] Suspicious dustballs?

Captain: Good job, detectives. Now, if you can just have your paperwork ready...
Detective: [walking out of office] Save it, I'm leaving. You want to fire me, fire me. I don't care.

Detective: See that? That's affect.

Detective: [to Leo Ansel] Maybe if you hadn't treated her like a spare tire, she wouldn't be in this mess.

Beatrice: Oh, daddy, how could you? We just wanted a baby.
Tommy: What would you want with a baby? Kids just ruin everything. I could've told you that.

Detective: That's not going along, Larry, that's stickin' it to ya!

Detective: He put more holes in Mom than Pop.
Detective: You noticed that too?
Detective: Unfortunately.

Detective: [looking in ADA Mulrooney's bedroom closet] It's like two different people live here.

Lionel: [to Eames] My god. If I didn't know better I'd swear that was personal.

Detective: So, if you have $300 million in hot stones, who do you go to?
Avi: Whoever gives you the best price. Maybe you get 30 cents on the dollar.
Detective: $100 million. It's still a nice piece of change. So, who? The Russians?
Avi: They don't need them. They are choking on diamonds from the Kremlin vaults. Maybe the Chinese.
[looking through crime scene photos]
Avi: This is hand-tooled, not machined.
Detective: This X-brace was left welded to the safe.
Avi: I might know a man in Brooklyn.

Dr. Peter Kelmer: If I was on the jury, *I'd* convict me!

Detective: But she wasn't loving you back, and you thought that maybe you weren't man enough, didn't you. You had to show her that you were man enough, so you dug into your reptilian brain, and this is what you came up with: Kill the wolf at the door! Throw the body at her feet, and gates of paradise will open wide! She will give herself to you! You'll be "King of the World!" instead of a scared, old, man.

Detective: I'm just going to...
Detective: Wander aimlessly?
Detective: [smiles] Keeps me from getting lost.

Detective: We can all read, Captain.

Detective: Senator Kittridge will be disappointed his polyp didn't get to save mankind from some terrible disease.

Ron: These people, whoever they are, will eventually get around to you, your mother, or anyone else who can tie them to these murders.
Greg: My mom and son, what are you offering them?
Detective: State witness protection program? You might as well buy them a plot at Woodlawn.
Greg: Yeah, you got that right.
Detective: But I know people in the Fed. People that owe me favors. I can get someone in so deep, even I couldn't find them.
Greg: Someplace good. They need a life, and they need to be safe, both.
Isaacs: Wait a minute, you're not buying this?
Ron: I can do that.
Greg: You give me your word?
Ron: I give you my word.
Isaacs: You should be giving him immunity.
Ron: Not for two murders.

Danny: So no murder weapon, no witnesses, shaky motive.
Alexandra: And contradictory alibis. Tommy's cousin alibis Tommy but not Malia. Malia alibis Larry, but Larry rejects her alibi.
Danny: It's possible the three of them are in this together.
Robert: There is one way we can break into their world.
Danny: Bring Tommy and Malia in together, break them apart.
Robert: Yeah.

Judge: [after realising he has incriminated himself] You trapped me! I thought I could trust you, Ron!
ADA: I thought I could trust *you*... Judge.

Detective: Lord Pembridge?
Alexandra: Could we speak to you for a minute?
George: Well... dear, I don't know what for.
Alexandra: It's about some packages that were delivered to you.
George: Packages? I wouldn't know anything about packages.
Detective: Where are you from, Lord Pembridge?
George: From? Ah, my family's estate is just outside a little town called Leeds.
Detective: "A little town called Leeds." And what's the purpose of your visit here?
George: Pleasure. And friends.
Alexandra: What friends?
George: Oh, well, I just had a dinner for Mick and the boys. Sent them off on their world tour. And then I saw Gwynnie and Hugh. Lovely people, just lovely.
Detective: Cut it out.
[to Eames]
Detective: Isn't that the worst English accent you've ever heard?
Alexandra: Next to the Irish Spring guy, it's the worst accent, period.
George: I beg your pardon!
Detective: This mishmash of Cockney, Welsh, but miraculously I think I heard a shred of the north of England in one of your R's.
Alexandra: There are so many sounds in there, how can you tell?
George: Really, you are absurd.
Detective: I don't think he's trained.
George: [dropping the accent] Well, of course I'm trained, with Strasberg himself. I suppose you went to Yale. Now, are we gonna play this or what?
Alexandra: [reaching for her handcuffs] No, we're gonna play this.
George: Is that a real gun? Oh my God, you're really cops, aren't you?

Detective: Sex fiend and a bully, politics is a perfect place for him.

Dr. Roger Stern: [to Goren and Eames, in the interrogation room] And I see my lawyer's here. Our threesome's over.

A.D.A. Ron Carver: [rhetorically] What was it Clarence Darrow said? "The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children."
Detective: Only if you let them.

Detective: [to Ethan Edwards] You had more than doubts. You knew you were lost.

Harvey: [smiling fixedly into the bathroom mirror] Thank you so much for coming... Thank you...
Esther: [pounding on bathroom door] Harvey! What are you doing in there?
Harvey: Ma! I'm busy!

A.D.A. Ron Carver: [referring to the Barneses] This family makes me want to go home and kiss my wife.

Detective: You're a fake. A hack...
Lionel: And you're being hyperbolic, detective.
Detective: [shouting] I'm not done!

[Goren and Eames are pretending to be a "civilian" married couple interested in attending a self-help seminar]
Detective: Mr. Fuller, we were invited by someone here who works for you.
Detective: We don't know that, honey.
Detective: Anyway, no one seems to know her, uh...
[pauses, looks directly at Fuller]
Detective: You made us, didn't you? What gave us away?
Randall: Her sensible shoes. And her sleeve. It's, uh, shiny from rubbing against her holster.
[He looks at Goren]
Randall: Oh, and your belt is scratched where you clip your badge.
Detective: He's good.

Alexandra: That didn't go well for him.
Robert: Well, he's in an ultra-competitive environment filled with type As. He's angry and obsessive.
Danny: So am I, so are you.

Captain: The New York State village justice system. "Amateur Hour."

Detective: You wanted to transform your context.
Doug: Yes. That's what I did.
Detective: What's a "context," Doug?
Doug: [looks flustered, stutters] I... It's - it's hard to say.
Detective: It's in your letter; you don't know what it means?

Detective: Do you know a Dr. Peter Kelmer?
Lisa: Yes. I'm an administrator at the hospital where he works.
Detective: I don't mean to be rude. Are you intimately involved with him?
Lisa: We work together. Any relationship we have is strictly business.
Detective: We got these photos from a private investigator. This thing you're doing to the doctor with your tongue, what business is that, strictly?

Detective: You have one chance to take your chestnuts out of the fire.

Detective: [Eames approaches a blood spattered Zach just minutes after the final sniper shot that has killed the misguided protagonist's daughter. Zach in a reflective monotone waxing philosophical speaks the final line of the episode, as well as the final line of the eight season's finale] That's why I never had kids. Empty vessels that daddy fills with love, compassion, empathy... 'cause you get a - a me... or a him. Opps.

Kathy: Back then, chess was life. My brother had Frazier-Ali, I had Fischer-Spassky.

Megan: Men are lazy. Even if there's a good meal across town, they'll usually just reach for the nearest doughnut.

Detective: We have that Ukrainian politician to thank for that.

Agent: Shelley's address doesn't exist, her social security number is a phony. Did you get anything from her?
Detective: Yeah, our girl never wears lipstick, and she lives near a bar.
Agent: How many bars could there be in New York City?
Detective: Four million.