The Best Resident Evil Quotes

Richard: You're never gonna get it from that angle.
Jade: Well, maybe some spit will loosen it up.
Richard: Said the priest to the choir boy.
[outright sexual connotation]
Jade: I was kidding. The priest wasn't.

Evelyn: Your father's dying. Like good ol' Bert told you, he's a clone, which... Weird, sure. But really, it's a very simple process involving a little DNA, a few empty cells, and a very unfortunate woman. But being a clone isn't your father's problem. The rapid aging is. See, Wesker, OG Wesker was an impatient man. He's cloned himself a little army of geniuses, and he wasn't gonna wait for them to grow up. So, with our good friend science, your father went from born to 20 years old in less than six months. But accelerating the cells that way leads to... problems. Cancer, mitochondrial explosion, all sorts of nasty things. Your father's sick. So he invented a cure. You.
Young: What?
Evelyn: He engineered your blood to fix his problem, which, like I said, he's a genius.
Young: That's not true.
Evelyn: Isn't it?

Evelyn: Can I offer you a glass of champagne?
Saquim: Mm. I don't drink anymore.
Evelyn: I don't drink any less.

Jade: You could leave too.
Billie: Just because I'm not chained up doesn't mean I'm free.

Arjun: Well, maybe take this week off, huh? On account of mom being back.
Bea: She'll be working. She won't care.
Arjun: Hmm. Hey, remember when we read A Midsummer Night's Dream? And Shakespeare wrote that, "The object of art is to give life a shape."
Bea: Yeah.
Arjun: Well, your mother's work is her art, and it gives shape to her life. And she'd be lost without it.
Bea: Is that why she's always gone?
Arjun: When Mom was young, her daddy tried to fix the world. But, instead, he made it much, much worse. And your mother, she's spent her whole life trying to make up for that. For him.
Bea: That's not fair. She didn't do anything.

Evelyn: The University hiding on a ship. Smart. I want Jade Wesker.
Saquim: She's a member of our community.
Evelyn: A valued member?
Saquim: All members have value.
Evelyn: Of course. Let me rephrase. Is Jade Wesker valuable enough to put the lives of your people in danger?
Saquim: Aw, Evelyn. I understand you have, uh, many troops with many guns, and I understand you might see my people as... academics. Oxford dons in their tweeds and tassels. I do love a good tassel. But believe me when I say we have weapons of our own. We are also in possession of a hard drive taken from an Umbrella facility in Bali in 2022. The contents of which I am sure Umbrella would not want exposed.
Evelyn: Saqim, I... I'm gonna make this very simple for you. You can threaten me all you want, but all those troops and all those guns, they're still gonna board your ship.
Saquim: Yes, but...
Evelyn: And I'm sure there's some very nasty things on that hard drive, and I'm sure you've got someone ready to broadcast them to the world. So... Go ahead. Maybe it'll ruin us. But you and all your people? You'll never know. Because unless I get what I want, I'm gonna turn your little fucking love boat into the Titanic. Understand?

Bert: We'll find your dad.
Young: No. I don't care about him. He doesn't care about me.
Bert: Yes, he does. When he was locked up, all he wanted was to help his girls.
Young: Because we're his medicine. He needs our blood to stay alive.
Bert: So?
Young: So?
Bert: My dad needed me and my brothers too. So he kept us locked away for a long time. We didn't even see the sun until we were all grown up. But Albert's not like that. He gave you a life. And maybe... I'm not saying he was right, or even good, but... he could've been worse.
Young: So that makes... that makes it okay?
Bert: No, but... Well, maybe there's no such thing. Maybe life's just a bunch of accidents and tragedies and... No one's really okay. We're all just doing our best. In a world where it's way too easy to do your worst. Your dad loves you. Well, maybe it's a messed up kind of love, but... Well, they kind of all are when you think about it. But, if you want, we can leave him.
Young: If we do... what happens?
Bert: Nothing good.

Jade: [points gun at Billie] Stay the fuck away from her.
Billie: No. It's always gonna be no. And you should have known that. I mean twins, right? We're the same.
Jade: No, we're not. Ever since that night, you are heartless. Hopeless. That night was the worst night of my life. That was when I lost my sister.
Billie: No, it wasn't. See, that's what you never got. The T, it stripped away all my... Fucking bullshit. The fear, the anxiety. It didn't make me somebody else. It let me be who I always was. I was just too scared to admit it. That... was the best night of my life.
Jade: What are you?
Billie: I'm the future. And you? You're a fucking virus. I mean, you ever notice how everyone around you somehow... dies? Simon? Bert? Kim? Hiroki? Dad? I can keep going. You keep telling yourself you're trying to save lives, but your hands, Jade, they're covered in blood. Because you're selfish. Because you only care about the mission about fixing what you started. So people die, but you keep going. You don't stop because that's what matters. You. It's still always the fucking Jade show.
Jade: [Lowers the gun] Fine. Take me. Just... Please just... Let her go.
Billie: I don't need you anymore.
[Shoots Jade]

Jade: Those zeros, how many are out there?
Tate: It changes. A few hundred at least. We got over a thousand last summer. Not sure why.
Jade: They can smell you. Their eyes go first. After about two or three years, the cornea is fried. Their hearing goes next, but their sense of smell it keeps getting better. And in the summer, people stink.
Tate: Smart fucking dead folks, huh?
Jade: They're not dead. The T-virus doesn't kill people, it rewires their brains. Your groupies outside? They're zero strain. Carriers. All they want to do is eat and spread the virus. And when the T goes cross-species, it triggers rampant cell growth. It makes animals big and mean and...
Tate: Really fucking big and really fucking mean.

Tate: What were you doing out there?
Jade: My job. I study zeros. Watch how they change, evolve.
Tate: Zeros don't change.
Jade: They will... because the virus will. If we're lucky, it'll get weaker, and the weaker it gets, the smarter, the more human the zeros will become. We need to understand it. Them.
Tate: I get how to kill 'em. I'm good.
Jade: No, you're not. There's, what, 300 million humans left on this planet? But six billion of them. I don't think you can kill them all. So we have to learn how to live with them. Like we do... AIDS or Ebola or anything else that's trying to wipe out the human race. And we made them, so...
Tate: I didn't make no fucking zero... and I didn't end the fucking world. And, uh, I guess you know about that.

Enya: Where you headed?
Jade: Home.
Enya: And where's that?
Jade: The University.
Enya: Like, a school?
Jade: No. The University, it, uh... preserves the old world. Books, art, history. It's like a... a backup disk for civilization. It will help us rebuild when all of this is over. If it's ever over.

Albert: What do you do for Umbrella, Dave?
Dave: I'm a server admin.
Albert: And, um... how many people can do your job, Dave? A thousand? Ten thousand?
Dave: [scoffs] I guess?
Albert: Well, I work for Umbrella, too. And do you know how many people could do my job?
Dave: [scoffs]
Albert: One. Me.
Dave: Okay. Cool?
Albert: It's not. It means I work too much. It means... I'm not much of a father. I try, but...
[sighs]
Albert: I'm not.
Dave: [scoffs] Okay, but what... what does this-...
Albert: And it means that Umbrella needs me. So... what happens if I call the people that own this town? The people that pay you and me and her. What happens if I call them and I say that I'm going to quit unless... they fired you. No, I'm sorry. I... I don't want you fired. I want you blacklisted. I want it so that no tech company ever hires you. Not Apple. Not Google. I want PornHub to shred your resume. Now, if I say that... what do you think they're going to do, Dave? Dave.

Bert: I'm not your dad. I'm your uncle. Bert. Wait, he, he... he never mentioned me?
Young: So you're like, what? His twin?
Bert: So you're like, what? His twin? Sort of. We're clones.
Young: Clones?
Bert: There was a third one of us, Alby, but he was killed by the original Albert Wesker. Our creator.
Young: Creator?
Bert: We were part of, like, a research and development team he put together to help him. He died in a volcano. It's okay, though. He wasn't very nice. Didn't like me much. But don't worry. Me and your dad, we're nothing like him. I mean, genetically, were exactly like him. But everything else, totally different. I mean, he was a monster. He liked hurting people. But I think we've all got these feelings inside us, right? Happy feelings, sad feelings, and... feelings like sometimes you just want to punch someone in the face so hard. Well, anyways, I think we all have a choice. We can choose who we are. Who we wanna be. And I choose... breadsticks.

Uncle: Oh, my god... unlimited breadsticks! Are you seeing this?

Angel: You know, I've lived here my whole life. I've watched these corporations come in, and build their factories, as if we don't exist. They say they're giving us opportunities by creating jobs. And when things go bad, when people get hurt, our "saviors" disappear. They don't care about us, unless we do something.